I rarely comment here but the above post is simply too stunning to ignore. Being open is such a scary concept because of the possibilities, because just what if you actually succeed? What's on the other side of that?? Dwelling in fear is so easy and comfortable, even if it is three sizes too small and has a muffin top. It's familiar and familiar is easy.

Your work this year is inspiring. If you can wade through the family of origin waters and come out with your lungs intact, that's admirable. Kudos to you and your family.

I've been working through similar things this year-- my parents aren't divorced, but my mom was bedridden for 3 years with health problems and my dad had some anger management issues. Realizing that my parents did the best they did in a bad situation was earth-shattering. It helped the healing process, but it also scared the shit out of me. I feel like I am doing the best I can, but what kind of emotional damage am I doing to my daughter? Like you said, I guess I just hope she'll have the courage to give me the benefit of the doubt I'm trying to give my parents. Good luck as you keep working through it all. It's exhausting, but liberating.

Awwwww, honey.

(((hugs)))

I admire your willingness to be so open with your life. And I admire the willingness of your family to support you doing it..

Apparently I'd missed that post from April that you linked to, but oh, how I can relate to being told, by a medical professional no less, that the way to get over my depression was to think of others in worse situations. She obviously had/has no knowledge of mental illness MY WORD.

Tangent over. My point is/was that I have so much respect for you for staring something like depression and your parents' divorce or your relationship with your father in the face and recognizing that you were/are struggling with it and seeing how it affected your life.

I quit therapy a little over a year ago and I need to go back. Badly. Reading posts like this give me the shove in the right direction that I need. Thank you for embracing your pain and sharing your story with us. You are making change for the good that you cannot even fathom.

Heather, this is why I (and I'm sure many other readers) come back to your blog again and again and again. You are so honest and so forthcoming with that honesty, with your struggles and victories. This post really spoke to me, brought tears to the eyes. I'm in IOP treatment and the therapy is changing my life--I can attest to how pivotal facing things within oneself can be. It is in fact life changing. It's hard, hard work but so worth it in the end.

I commend your courage and your honesty, and all the hard work you've done for yourself and who you are. It is truly inspiring.

I just joined the community so that I could comment on this one. Thank you for this post (and the "4th Hour" one)(and lots of other ones). You've shared more than most of us are brave enough to, but if you're willing, as yet another adult child of a rotten divorce, I would be so interested to know what you've read, what's helped, etc. Because this strikes a powerful chord.

I've never commented on your posts before but this is simply beautiful and I can't resist. I love reading your blog for this: a rare heartfelt, open and honest glimpse into a life. Thank you for sharing with us.

Before my own unmedicated birth earlier this year, I read your birth stories for Leta and Marlo. I was so impressed with the changes you made between those two. It inspires me that you continue to grow and change in such amazing ways. Your willingness to share glimpses into your life helps each of us reflect on our own life and how we can grow and change.

Thank you!

Hi Heather. Lovely to meet you this weekend... just wanted to say that this post resonated with me and I hope to keep running, traveling and (someday) child birthing too. Great post.

xo

Daps for figuring out the true meaning of forgiveness and honoring the past for what it is and what it's not. It's my new work in progress...

Thanks for sharing!

Wow! I can definately relate. My parents split when I was 14. I was the kid who didn't give a crap about it. As a young adult I definately did not give a crap about anyone else or myself. Very reckless behavior. I was very lucky in the fact that I was able to recognize the lasting effect it would have on my for the rest of my life. Of course I did not realize this until I was much older. I know my Mom did the best she could, my Dad too. There are still some issues though with my Dad I have to learn to forgive him for. Unfortunately, it is not that easy. Thanks for the post.

This post is amazing. As a person wading through therapy right now, I am comforted (again) that it will be worth it. Thank you.

I know it's a little bit different, but this paragraph really spoke to me:

What this therapy enabled me to do as well was hold that blight in my bare hands and cover it with tears. Because the Heather who had mounted all those excuses would have acknowledged it, tipped her hat, and moved right along. Too much to get done to dwell on such things.

I've been working with a coach during my dissertation experience and she's forcing me to dig much deeper than I ever wanted to dig. I'm so SO much the "too much to do to deal with this shit!" kinda girl and man- it's been amazing to go there.

Thanks for this!

It is such a hard line to walk between knowing our parents are humans, but also feeling free to admit and address the ways that their actions (or lack of action) shaped our lives.

While my parents are still together, I, too, spent a year in therapy dealing with parents who probably didn't know better but simply did not know how to encourage me. Now, I'm in my early 30's, and am figuring out that I have to be my own encourager and motivator, that late is better than never.

I admire you so much for being so honest with your thoughts. I'm not at that point with my parents yet, and honestly I don't know if I ever will be. I don't think they're aware they did anything wrong with me since in their eyes, I'll probably always be the one kid who turned out the most normal.

You know, I think a lot of people do the hard physical stuff (climbing mountains, running marathons) to distract themselves from the personal, internal work they need to do. But look at you! You did the hard work both ways!

You captured it perfectly when you talked about holding the blight in your bare hands and covering it with tears. It's mind-boggling how raw it leaves you feeling and then how centered you become once all the pieces are put back together.

You should be oh so proud of yourself because that is hard, scary work.