Last week Leta learned how to make get well cards at school, and so over the weekend she ran with that idea, holed herself up in her room and started her own printing press:

I have to admit, yes, this is adorable and such a sweet gesture, but the first thing I thought is OH GOD. MARCO? Not only do we have to deal with the whole MARIO scenario, now people might mistake the L for a C?! Are we going to spend the rest of our lives going, no, in fact I did not name my daughter Marco, but I appreciate your concern. Now, let's have a talk about your son, Kayedynne.

Sorry, that was mean. But if you live in Utah YOU TOTALLY UNDERSTAND, AM I RIGHT?

Anyway, we suggested that it might be a good idea to make cards for all the grandparents; for Grandmommy, for Grandpa Rob, for Grandpa Mike, for Grandma Nelta, for Grandma Della— and she was all, WAIT WAIT WAIT. That's WAY too much, and she says, "How about I just do one for Linda and Rob?"

"Why just one for Linda and Rob?" I asked, learning for the first time that she knows my mother's first name.

"Because I don't want to have to do all that writing. I'd get SO tired."

I told her we'd help her with all those other names, and as she handed me this card she leaned in close to my ear and whispered, "Guess what Linda does sometimes?"

Always eager for gossip on my mother I said, "Please tell me what Linda does sometimes!" I cannot wait until she is old enough that I can follow up that sentence with, "How about another martini!"

"Sometimes," she said, "sometimes Linda calls Rob, 'ROBERT'!!" And then she gasped as if she had just revealed that Grandmommy is actually a baby-killing liberal who hopes for a public option.

My eyes widened as far as they could go, and I was all NO SHE DOESN'T! And Leta was all OH HELL YES! Except without the HELL. It's just, that was the expression on her face. And if she knew that I wouldn't take away her Nintendo DS for saying it, she probably would have.

So I called my mother and said, dude, do I ever have the dirt on you.

So I've either got one wicked cold, or I'm in the beginning stages of swine flu. I'm trying to be positive here and hoping for the former because I don't have a very high temperature, and also, I DON'T WANT TO DIE!

I'm headed back to bed in a second but wanted to announce a few things first:

1. You can now order a SAFE FOR WORK AND KIDS version of the 2010 Chuck Calendar. The month of February will no longer make my Aunt Mabel blush.

2. Starting today there is a door-smashing, recession-busting sale going on over at the dooce® Shirt Store. Sale ends December 5th. My goal this year is to get my dad to wear a dooce® hoodie to Sacrament Meeting.

3. For locals or anyone who is going to be in the Salt Lake City area on December 3rd, I'm joining several other local authors at the King's English Bookshop for their annual Holiday Celebration. I'll be there signing copies of my book and chatting and eating babies from 5:30 to 8:30 PM. Please stop by and say hi!

And now I need to go hide under the covers for a bit.