Miss Manners
Marlo is at that stage in life where the frustration that results from the inability to communicate through words is making life miserable for the entire family. I remember when this started to happen with Leta, right when she was the same age that Marlo is now, when she'd point at something and moan. When we didn't know what she was talking about she'd just moan louder, except this time some supernatural force would have thrown her body fifteen feet across the room and was causing her hands and feet to kick the floor.
We called an exorcist and all he did was give us the number of a day care.
At the time Leta was also undergoing occupational therapy for her slow gross motor skills (she wasn't yet walking and hated putting weight on her feet), and they suggested we try teaching her sign language for some basic words: please, thank you, more, etc. Without the consent of her therapist we slipped in: crazy, something stinks, and screw you.
It think it took a whole two months, but finally after one giant standoff where she was in the high chair and wanted to get out, she reluctantly rubbed the top of her her chest in a circular motion (sign language for please) and yelled, "EETHKAHHHHH!"
Ethkah. Translation: You know exactly what the hell I want, dickhead.
Marlo has been just as stubborn to learn sign language and ask for things nicely. We know she has a working vocabulary because she refers to everyone by name. Well, except Chuck. She refers to Chuck as Coco. But I'm pretty sure she thinks Coco means dog, but Chuck is still taking it personally. Like, first we brought another of of "those" home. Second, this one actually likes to touch him. And finally, she can't even get his name right? Now, why is he not supposed to bite her again?
But then came Halloween! And chocolate! And one bright idea that should have occurred to us years ago, but I can't even blame the partying I did in college for not thinking of it earlier. Fine, I'll blame the partying I did after college. The partying we still sometimes engage in when Grandmommy is watching the kids, except now it's a little less illegal and we're in bed by 8:30.
I fed Marlo a tiny piece of a chocolate bar while waiting for trick-or-treaters to stop by, and then I refused to give her another piece until she asked nicely. Over and over again I showed her how, rubbing my chest, saying please. I kid you not, she stood there looking at me like I was a moron, as condescending as an almost seventeen-month-old can be, and then she looked around the room to make sure no one was looking. THIS SHIT IS NOT MADE UP.
She didn't want anyone to see that she was going to cooperate.
You guys, Hollywood is going to make an action movie in the future wherein the villain is based on Marlo Armstrong. Whoever writes it, please give her a mouth full of teeth made out of titanium.
And then she did it so quickly I almost missed it. The tiniest rub of her chest. And then the look in her eyes was hurry, someone could show up any second. These tiny chest rubs continued as did the quick side glances of her surroundings until she'd eaten the whole bar.
Behold my restraint: I didn't stick out my tongue and yell SUCKER!
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FM Living
Fifi Coon said:
OK - that is just flat out funny shit!! And - I am so glad my children are grown up!!!
11.11.10 - 01:02 PM / 1flickster94087 said:
That is pure genius! I am going to do this with my children!
11.11.10 - 01:21 PM / 2Margaret W said:
I'm with Marlo on this...she has a rep to protect and can't let people see that she's conforming to the parentals.
My daughter started learned sign language at the daycare at about 9 mos old. Only one problem...the daycare didn't tell the parents. The frustration was a double whammy for Kennedi as I didn't understand what she wanted. She survived. I did, too. Barely.
11.11.10 - 01:24 PM / 3Mo said:
If they see her giving in to you, they will all want her to do it. (You know... THEM.) And she cannot let them know of her weakness, lest they exploit it and endanger her mission. Her mission of horribleness.
11.11.10 - 01:30 PM / 4saraminerva444 said:
Hahahahaha Marlo is a genius.
My son is about a month older than Marlo. He signs a few words, but sometimes he can't be bothered and proceeds to grunt with increasing urgency. His 4 y/o sister understands his jibberish, so she responds to his demands quickly. I catch her sometimes repeating the word and the sign out loud over and over trying to teach him. He looks at her like DUDE, really?! I already know you speak my language, give me what I want.
11.11.10 - 01:38 PM / 5Erin47 said:
I think I just learned that I laugh with my eyes closed. I wanted to finish reading after "She didn't want anyone to see that she was going to cooperate", but couldn't pry my eyes back open until the laughing stopped, which took way too long. I so wish I could meet these kids of yours.
11.11.10 - 01:41 PM / 6greenplanner said:
I had to rehome my crazy Aussie Shepherd dog, and the only suitable family I could find were baby sign language teachers. I figured if they had enough patience for teaching babies sign language (...for a living. That's what they do full time, y'all.) surely they had enough patience for Mr. Chumley. And damned if they didn't teach that dog some signs, too.
11.11.10 - 01:44 PM / 7mandypants said:
AHAHAHAHAHA! That just made my day! I'm so glad that I don't have the only evil spawn out there. I'm still trying the chocolate thing with my 2 year old, who loves chocolate more than anything else in the entire world ever, and he still won't use the potty. :/ Two year old poo is the worst after great dane poo.
11.11.10 - 01:45 PM / 8Suede said:
Just wait. Teenagers are 1000 times harder.
11.11.10 - 01:49 PM / 9wordsupmixed said:
1) marlo reminds me of stewie from family Guy
2) clicker training. This has two advantages. First, it will extinguish bad behavior and make Marlo a nicer child although they will do nothing about the chipped tooth and various contagions. The second advantage of clicker training is that it should provide you with more things to write about although, somehow I don't think that's problem.
A good reference book is "don't shoot the dog" by Karen Pryor. While it's mostly about canines, just, in your mind, substitute "marlo" every time the author writes "dog"
11.11.10 - 02:30 PM / 10Tricia said:
That is HILARIOUS!!! My FIL has an annoying habit of calling all children under the age of five a "blank slate." How he can think that, having raised two children of his own, is beyond me. This story exemplifies how wrong he is -- kids have SO much personality, almost from birth. Hysterical. Makes up for all the shit they throw at you, right?
11.11.10 - 02:24 PM / 11luv and kiwi said:
you know if anyone else had written this i wouldn't believe them, but because it's you and i've seen marlo's videos i totally believe that ish.
lol i can't wait until marlo starts a blog!
11.11.10 - 03:11 PM / 12bopperbop said:
When my now 17 year old was little, she would want some m&ms. We were also teaching her to say "Please" so if she said "Please", she would get an m&m. But I think to her after a while "pees" (as she would say) was the word for m&m!
11.11.10 - 03:38 PM / 13kayakgrrl said:
Bwahahaha! My daughter did that this week!
11.11.10 - 03:47 PM / 14SweetAdeline said:
Have you been watching a lot of Tyra, because only Miss J could have taught that baby to give such good side eye.
11.11.10 - 03:54 PM / 15Mogsie said:
BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Oh, the memories that this brings back ... 'tis insanely funny shit like that what keeps a body goin' sometimes!
(hugs)
~:-)
11.11.10 - 05:14 PM / 16tallnoe said:
Dude - I think that wordsupmixed is completely CORRECT!!
11.11.10 - 07:17 PM / 17emilylentini said:
Brilliant!
I cannot wait 'til mine is here and old enough to make fun of!
11.11.10 - 07:36 PM / 18fishsticked said:
Hooray for Marlo! What will be even better is when you try for a repeat by reminding her she did it before and then seeing her give you that "what the hell are you talking about?" look.
As she snickers inside her little head
11.11.10 - 07:44 PM / 19vent said:
Whoever writes it, please give her a mouth full of teeth made out of titanium.
We called an exorcist and all he did was give us the number of a day care.
Bwhahahahahahahahahaa!
OMG...you are HILARIOUS, Heather!
11.11.10 - 09:04 PM / 20Pollux72 said:
Oh man, we are right there with you. Our son is 16 months on the dot, and he can be a total PITA, mostly because he doesn't have words for what he wants, but he *knows* what he wants!!! Too bad he's the only one! He groans and screams and moans and torques his body in a million different directions, like some kind of crazy interpretive dance. Maybe he's got a future with Alvin Ailey?
I haven't even thought of sign language because he is just as bossy and stubborn as Marlo sounds. It would probably kill him to actually use a sign to communicate!
11.11.10 - 09:50 PM / 21PeggyMomma said:
Absolutely love it, Heather. There's no need for a video camera when you explain them yung'uns of yours! :)
11.11.10 - 10:00 PM / 22Anu said:
Totally loving it. Can you please get a video if possible...even a photo will do. Very funny :)
11.12.10 - 12:32 AM / 23Eh What Huh said:
Hilarious. Kids are so funny sometimes. Thanks for making me laugh! :)
(e
From Eh? What? Huh? www.ehwhathuh.com
11.12.10 - 08:11 AM / 24floridagal73 said:
You gotta love winning a battle - it's so seldom that it is certainly worth celebrating. Congrats!
11.12.10 - 09:51 AM / 25annegirl80 said:
I refused to teach my 19 month old son sign language because I found the repetitive use of the sign for "more" annoying. I would rather just pretend I don't know he wants more of and try to give him more peas instead.
11.12.10 - 12:45 PM / 26zwie said:
Hahaha...very funny!
My 3 y/o took longer to speak and so up to now there are some things that i just agree to but have no idea what he's saying! He also mixes 2 languages and that makes things even more interesting!
11.13.10 - 02:51 AM / 27TheFunFamilyMom said:
Great article. I have just started reading your site recently and can totally relate. This article describes my 17 month old son perfectly. He's stubborn as anything and won't give in unless no one is looking. We've got our hands full!
11.15.10 - 08:03 AM / 28chempel said:
3 words: Baby Signing Time
11.15.10 - 11:58 AM / 29