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Halloween 2010

Thank god it's ove— oh, hey! Didn't see you! How was your worst holiday of the year Halloween? Have you shot your kids yet? If not, I'm available for hire! That could be the REAL job I'm always needing to get.

UUUUUGHHH. It's not even the chocolate-feuled, irrational outbursts I dislike so much, although aren't those fun? You think you'll remember next year that if you let them have that much candy in one sitting that the vomit will stain the carpet, but you never do.

I don't even think I can articulate what I don't like about it, maybe that it signals the long march through winter? Because it always seems to snow in Utah on Halloween, just as it did on Saturday night. What? That wasn't Halloween? What are you, non Mormon? Trick-or-treating on Sunday is verboten. Leads straight to premarital sex just like Facebook and that one Led Zeppelin song played backwards.

Also, Mormons now do this thing called trunk-or-treating where they meet in the parking lot at church and go from car to car. I guess because it's safer? Except then you have to teach your kids that you can't just take candy from the trunk of any car, even if the person driving it does go by the name Elder Jensen and there's a Prop 8 sticker on his bumper.

Forgive me. It's just that time of year.

Anyway, what this means for a lot of people living in Utah is that we never know how many kids are going to show up to our house for candy. Some years it seems like hundreds, and then the very next year we'll get one young couple with their newborn. So we can't plan ahead. Maybe this is where collecting shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels could come in handy. Sorry! We don't have any Snickers bars, but this shit here will make your head smell like a peony!

So! To the real fun. You guys. I bought a wig and a fake dagger and had an entire Baby Rambo costume planned out for Marlo. But she refused to keep the wig on. In fact, she tried to bite me when I attempted to hold it firmly against her skull. No problem, I'll just deduct the price of the wig from her weekly meal budget. Unrelated: Jon, don't feed Marlo on Thursday.

We went with a hand-me-down instead.

And when we put it on her she immediately started making chimpanzee noises and would not stand still. Leta, seen here in her Mariposa Fairy costume, tried to correct her over the deafening noise. "It's ribbit-ribbit, Marlo. Ribbit-ribbit." Right. Leta, I have a black wig I'd like you to try and put on her head. You're up to date on your tetanus shot, right?

We could not get a good shot of them together.

But you don't really care about those two, do you? I didn't think so!

11.01.2010 Daily, Parenthood 78 comments

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  • simpliSAHM said:

    Ah yes, Utah Halloweens... I was stunned my first Halloween in Utah that happened to land on Sunday when I learned that an entire state will somehow manage to change the date of a 'holiday' (you know what I mean) just because the Mormons declared it be so. Gah! Oh, and the "Trunk or Treat" thing...I think I was living in Happy Valley when they started that crap...now everybody's doing it.

    • Login to post comments
    11.01.10 - 03:58 PM / 1
  • jon said:

    Remind me to schedule my appointment for a vasecto

    Oh, yeah. Sorry.

    Carry on.

    • Login to post comments
    11.01.10 - 04:02 PM / 2
  • Dani said:

    Whew! I was wondering where the Chuck costume pictures were.

    • Login to post comments
    11.01.10 - 04:17 PM / 3
  • curlsz said:

    CoCo looks embarrassed - FINALLY!!

    Ok so Baptist have been doing the trunk or treat as well - which leave it to the church to take a perfectly great place to stash drugs and / or dead bodies in and turn it for their own purposes of candy and religious tracts

    • Login to post comments
    11.01.10 - 04:20 PM / 4
  • theurbancowgirl said:

    I would like to have a dog, or a child, solely for the purpose of dressing them up for Halloween.

    • Login to post comments
    11.01.10 - 04:23 PM / 5
  • mamatabea said:

    Just browsed through the pictures quickly....so funny. Heather, YOU should have dressed up as Lady Gaga, totally :) We're no luckier up here in Canada, Halloween is always coooooooold. But even the church-goers go on Sunday, us included. Well, even though it seems unfathomable, Utah and all of Canada (that is east of Vancouver...) will make it through another winter. Thanks to you there's always something to laugh about, even on the coldest, greyest winter days. Hang in there Armstrongs!

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    11.01.10 - 04:23 PM / 6
  • TropicalPopsicle said:

    Alejandro! Rah Rah, ah ah ah!

    hahahaha!!!

    • Login to post comments
    11.01.10 - 04:27 PM / 7
  • nuttermother said:

    Chuck...

    BEST. COSTUME. EVER.

    • Login to post comments
    11.01.10 - 04:30 PM / 8
  • gail37 said:

    A young friend of mine, born and raised here in Utah, recently moved to New Haven, CT. She got raised eyebrows and weird looks, not to mention absolute amazement, when she asked a local if kids would be trick or treating on Saturday. "But Halloween is on SUNDAY!" Finally, I get to say, "Poor Chuck, she makes you balance so many things! You are sooooo put upon!" And how did you get Coco to stay in that costume?

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    11.01.10 - 04:33 PM / 9
  • Essembee said:

    Gorgeous photos! It's a bit trippy seeing how tall Leta is compared to Marlo now.

    Also, I very much enjoy the irony of Coco dressed as a sheep, although I'm not sure she gets it...

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    11.01.10 - 04:38 PM / 10
  • LizC said:

    A lot of places are doing the trunk-or-treating now. They do it here and I don't think it's always church specific. They just find an empty parking lot. I think it takes all the fun out of Halloween.

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    11.01.10 - 04:38 PM / 11
  • Tobie said:

    LMAO @ "Alejandro." Will never listen to that song the same again.

    Yeah, a lot of the little neighborhoods do "trunk or treat" here as well, with people saying that it's "sooo much safer." Is it, really? Teaching kids to...take candy from strangers' cars? Is that really ~safer~ than going to houses, just ringing doorbells with your parents standing right behind you? *Sigh* whatever, I'm agreed that it takes all the fun out of Halloween.

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    11.01.10 - 04:49 PM / 12
  • apostate said:

    The trunk or treating thing gets me riled too. Aside from the fact that it's offensive to imply that those of us of a certain religious persuasion are more trustworthy, I think it's incredibly dangerous to have little ones wandering around a parking lot in the dark as cars pull in and out. Trick or treating should be done ON THE SIDEWALK with parental supervision. That means that you walk by your little ones and hold their hands. You don't unleash them in a giant parking lot and give yourself props for being safety-conscious.

    http://bjorgequeen.blogspot.com/2010/10/when-in-ro...

    Sunday Halloweens in Utard are always the worst. Back in 1993, I lived in Nevada where people didn't kowtow like they do here. I slept over at my friend's house because the following day was a state holiday with no school and her mom (who was also Mormon) let us go. I was 16 and way too old anyway. But it was fun. My mom was not happy when she found out how I had "worked" on the Sabbath for all that candy. LOL.

    My son was the same frog as Marlo when he was one year old. My husband taught him how to growl like a bear because apparently, saying "ribbit" was too hard. So he was a growling frog. Somehow, it was adorable. I guess whoever designed that costume at Old Navy didn't consider how hard it is for a one year old to say "ribbit".
    We used the costume for pajamas for the rest of the winter because he looked so adorable in it. Nice and warm.

    ps: It didn't snow on the West Siiiiiiiiiiiiiide. Just a little drizzle. I guess that's the price you pay for prime Utah real estate. :)

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    11.01.10 - 05:20 PM / 13
  • Becky Cochrane said:

    I do, I DO care about the beautiful Armstrong girls, but OMG--Coco and Chuck. Best Halloween moments of this year, and I had some good ones.

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    11.01.10 - 04:52 PM / 14
  • juliemewood said:

    GRRRRRRRRRR!!!! Trunk or treat is no good. No good at all! And that's from a full fledged mormon girl! Love, love, love the costumes, especially coco's!! hahahaha! ( I hate lol) :)

    Loved the post too!

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    11.01.10 - 04:55 PM / 15
  • Midnight said:

    If it comforts you to know that Utah hasn't spread it's Mormon tentacles everywhere, here in the Philly burbs, we had trick or treating last night. In fact, we had a big neighborhood party with pizza/beer/wine/juice boxes, followed by 2 hours of trick or treating. AND, despite the cold, instead of hiding out in our respective houses, a bunch of us sat at the end of our neighbor's driveway in camp chairs in front of a fire pit with wine/beer and handed out candy to the kids and beer to the adults.

    Trunk or treating sounds like a bunch of crap to me.

    Love the costumes! My kids went as Cinderella's ugly stepsisters this year. I might be biased, but they were hilarious.

    • Login to post comments
    11.01.10 - 04:58 PM / 16
  • jan001 said:

    I was all "awwwww, how sweet, that's the keeper" when I was looking at the picture of the three of them. And then I saw Coco in sheep's clothing and busted out laughing. Hard. And it only got worse (better) when I saw Chuck-Ga. And Alejandro.

    At the risk of being all schmaltzy, "memories are made of this". Cool pictures.

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    11.01.10 - 04:59 PM / 17
  • greeblemonkey said:

    GET THIS!

    Declan had the EXACT same frog costume when he was M's age. And it was the year Kerry was running and we were out campaigning and there was little Declan on the corner with a sign that said "Frogs Love Kerry!"

    OF COURSE I can't find the photo anywhere right now. But... IT WAS CUTE.

    He has grown up quite a bit since then... He went as a Dementor this year:

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/greeblemonkey/5134252777/

    And I have to say I love Halloween, but you are so right about the sugar-high.

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    11.01.10 - 05:06 PM / 18
  • grad.nauseam said:

    The look on Coco's face is priceless. She's just completely demoralized. I'd be sleeping with one eye open.

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    11.01.10 - 05:09 PM / 19
  • amyptucson said:

    That first photo of Marlo wins the prize! File it under Prototypical Reaction of Young Child First Seeing Herself in Costume in the Mirror.

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    11.01.10 - 05:14 PM / 20
  • c_kidman69 said:

    I was raised in Utah and did the trunk or treat thing, then we moved to North Eastern Washington, we were kind of rual and the local Wal Mart hosted a trunk or treat, they provided ALL the candy and the cars had to be parked by a certain time and could not leave until it was all over and the kids were gone. I was shocked, shocked to learn that outside of Utah people did a trunk or treat also.

    Love the costumes, I love Marlo's long toes, I have kids with long skinny feet and they are just precious to me.

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    11.01.10 - 05:17 PM / 21
  • apostate said:

    "the cars had to be parked by a certain time and could not leave until it was all over and the kids were gone."

    Here's the question though: If you arrive with your kids and leave with them, then how do you regulate it so that the cars can't leave until the kids are gone? Do you have to sit in the car with your kids for 45 minutes? A car full of kids who are hopped up on chocolate. Sounds like fun.

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    11.01.10 - 05:22 PM / 22
  • msjo said:

    I live in SLC. We had two forlorn little boys show up Sunday night. Apparently new to Utah and did not get the message. I had leftover candy, hoping others in the neighborhood did too....

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    11.01.10 - 05:40 PM / 23
  • nelsonsmama said:

    Trick or treating was on Saturday night here in good old Middle Tennesse, but I'd like to think it was more about the wisdom of a weekend night rather than a school night.

    For the record, I love Halloween! It's a wonderful time in our small town - everyone is out and about, golf carts are decorated, lots of cocktails are consumed, kids are pumped up on sugar...it's one big block party.

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    11.01.10 - 05:44 PM / 24
  • gretchie said:

    Chuck, you had me at 'Alejandro'.

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    11.01.10 - 05:45 PM / 25
  • Schnauzie_Mom said:

    Hahahaha! OMG I loved this post. Everyone was so fricken' cute but Chuck takes the award for best costume again! And Marlo's feet are so big! Perfect frog flippers:-)

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    11.01.10 - 06:01 PM / 26
  • Amber_D said:

    Great post. Hilarious pictures, but I have to take a moment to say how much I love the new masthead.

    Also, I think my whole life is one giant chocolate-fueled, irrational, outburst. Is that bad?

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    11.01.10 - 06:24 PM / 27
  • Amy K said:

    It was cold here in Michigan too but we got to go house to house. My daughter Emily is just a bit older than Marlo (17 months) and it still pretty much confuses her :)

    I love Leta's and Marlo's costumes :)

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    11.01.10 - 06:28 PM / 28
  • goodfairyofny said:

    Best dog costume. EVER. Now I finally understand why walmart was selling so may lady gaga wigs this year.

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    11.01.10 - 07:06 PM / 29
  • relativevirtues said:

    Best. Costumes. Ever.

    The look on Coco's face. "Woman, what have you put me in...?!"

    And I laughed out loud, for real, at Chuck. Those songs will never be the same for me again.

    • Login to post comments
    11.01.10 - 07:18 PM / 30
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