When anything bad happens, I blame Apple
It's no surprise to anyone that Jon pre-ordered an iPad the moment it was announced that they would be available. Last week it arrived, and I haven't seen him since.
I am not kidding.
You think I am exaggerating. I do that a lot, yes, I will admit to dabbling in that practice from time to time. This is not one of those instances. What would be one of those instances? Oh dear, let me take a look back at everything I've ever written: THAT.
So I'm picking Leta up from school the other day, and it was one of those days when it wasn't snowing, one of those rare, gorgeous days when Utah teases me into thinking that the Mormons were onto something when they settled here, and I let her play with her friends on the playground as I talked to some other parents. Some who read this website and have asked Jon how his vasectomy is healing. Jon loves this life.
And in the back of my mind, all I can think about is HAVE TO GET HOME. HAVE TO GET HOME. Because I'm thinking, Mariah is going home right now and leaving Marlo in the care of Jon. And Jon has been permanently attached to his iPad since it arrived. And right about now Marlo is crawling over to the fireplace and is eating ash because he's on the couch playing with the NPR application.
BRAIN, BRAIN, GO AWAY.
And I'm trying to concentrate on the conversations I'm having while keeping an eye on Leta, and my brain will not let me envision anything other than Marlo choking on ash.
Not because Jon is an incompetent father. He's amazing. He does more with and for our kids than probably any other father I've ever known. No, it's just that he's a really competent geek.
Finally my brain won't let me stand there any longer, and I yell to Leta that it's time to go. She's sulks and asks why, and I can't help but blurt out BECAUSE DAD'S IPAD IS KILLING MARLO.
Turns out she was fine. Nothing to worry about. I run in expecting to see a horrifying, bloody scene only to find Jon sitting next to Marlo on the floor, a stuffed animal in her mouth, his right hand scrolling through the USA TODAY app on his iPad.
Lesson for today (this should be read in a sexist and condescending, albeit incredibly relieved tone): men can multitask, too!
You must have a dooce® Community account to leave a comment.
If you've already registered, login.
If this is your first time posting here, snag a free account.
FM Living
Daddy Scratches said:
Yeah, we iz not az stoopid az yu girlz thinkz we iz. ;)
PS: I have iPad envy.
- Login to post comments
04.16.10 - 02:10 PM / 1katliz said:
My husband pre-ordered the 3G version. When it arrives in a few weeks, I'm sure I'll never see him again. Not that I want to, considering every time I see his shiny new toy, I am going to consider the vacation or home improvement project we could have had instead of a new electronic device.
Yup. I'm a trifle bitter.
- Login to post comments
04.16.10 - 02:19 PM / 2eleanorstrousers said:
I knew the iPad would be the death of us all. Could Jon let me know whether he would rather have a baby or an iPad? Cause I'm a woman of a certain age and my budget only allows for one.
- Login to post comments
04.16.10 - 02:19 PM / 3Anu said:
Ummm....fine I'll say it!! I agree with you :-)
- Login to post comments
04.16.10 - 02:23 PM / 4McMissis said:
I'm going to have to disagree with today's lesson.
Case in point: last night when McMister was listening to a voicemail and I asked him to move his legs off me. He almost exploded he was so upset with me, and his voice reverted to a 13-year-old's pubescent screech when he asked how to replay the message.
- Login to post comments
04.16.10 - 02:30 PM / 5Blahggy said:
See? Technology kills. It's true.
It's kind of the opposite in our house. I was on Twitter the other night and my husband goes, "Let me see what it looks like." Although I am not nearly the nerd that Jon seems to be, but probably wouldn't mind it.
- Login to post comments
04.16.10 - 02:32 PM / 6Loakalina said:
1. My husband works for Apple.
2. He got his iPad the day it came out.
3. Haven't had a meaningful conversation since.
4. I feel your pain.
- Login to post comments
04.16.10 - 02:37 PM / 7Greta Koenigin said:
When you think about it, a child is just another application. Steve Jobs knows this. And he just created the Baby Bjorn of the technical world.
- Login to post comments
04.17.10 - 03:13 PM / 8Lornadoone1972 said:
This sounds so familiar - my husband stood in line on MY birthday, the day the iPad was released, to purchase one for HIMSELF. Needless to say it has been in his hand ever since... and in our bed. I found him assisting our 14 month old with his dinner on Tuesday evening - baby spoon in one hand - iPad in the other. SIGH
- Login to post comments
04.16.10 - 02:48 PM / 9Rebecca Siewert said:
Glad Marlo survived! My husband just purchased a new smart phone of some kind and I haven't seen him in a few days!
- Login to post comments
04.16.10 - 02:48 PM / 10spedrson said:
My husband is not a techno-geek, but if he gets a new book - forget about it! I don't see his eyes for the next week!
- Login to post comments
04.16.10 - 03:00 PM / 11freckleface said:
Isn't the iPad just like a very big iPod touch? I'm sorry... just not seeing the appeal! I always considered myself a nerd, but I guess I'm not nerdy enough for this one :)
- Login to post comments
04.16.10 - 03:03 PM / 12poopinginpeace said:
You and I have the same brain activity. I can't go anywhere without thinking things like one of the girls has climbed up on the kitchen counter and is playing with knives, while my husband sits absorbed in the latest bout of computer scrabble or fantasy baseball. He is also a great father who pays attention and plays with the girls all the time. I don't know why I always think he isn't watching them. Maybe it's because when we're around they rely on us to do most of the watching. Either way-I totally get it.
- Login to post comments
04.16.10 - 03:04 PM / 13giromide said:
Oh, crap! I forgot I have a family! (scram)
- Login to post comments
04.16.10 - 03:08 PM / 14Heather718 said:
Just please don't let him end up on this website:
http://lonelypeoplewithipads.tumblr.com/
- Login to post comments
04.16.10 - 03:08 PM / 15Sundae said:
I'd like to clone your Jon there as I am taking applications for a competent, geek like, multitasking father. ;)
- Login to post comments
04.16.10 - 03:16 PM / 16vida23 said:
Um, ditto. My man uses one half of his brain for babysitting, and the other half for Mac-anything. Like a duck taking a nap.
- Login to post comments
04.16.10 - 03:17 PM / 17kidthings said:
Been there. I am there. My husband is very much Steve Jobs's bitch.
- Login to post comments
04.16.10 - 03:26 PM / 18Gemmyner said:
If my husband doesn't have his smartphone in hand then he's got his face in his laptop. We aren't Apple owners (except for 2 ipods) but I completely understand how you iPad widows feel.
May they come up for air someday. Have a great weekend!
- Login to post comments
04.16.10 - 03:35 PM / 19Wombat Central said:
We see this on a smaller scale in our house, as my DH is always gazing lovingly into the screen of his iTouch.
- Login to post comments
04.16.10 - 03:41 PM / 20kitchenbeard said:
Right hand on the iPad. What was he doing with his left hand?
- Login to post comments
04.16.10 - 04:06 PM / 21thegirlmama said:
It is only my husband's rule of never buying the first generation of anything that is keeping him from running away with the iPad. (The fact that it is simply an enlarged iPod Touch has, somehow, not crossed his consciousness yet. Shhhhh...don't mention it.)
- Login to post comments
04.16.10 - 04:15 PM / 22Laura Jones said:
They actually asked about his vasectomy? They didn't say something like, "God I wish my husband would be considerate enough to do that."
- Login to post comments
04.16.10 - 04:27 PM / 23mommica said:
Only some men, apparently...
- Login to post comments
04.16.10 - 04:27 PM / 24pitbullsrock said:
Science geek chiming in here... don't be an iPad widow - be a joiner - two apps that Jon (and all other iPad owners) need to purchase especially if you have kids - The Elements - makes science fun - complete with Tom Lehrer's Element Song and Star Walk - turns your iPad into a personal planetarium - go out on the deck on a clear night and oh and ah with your kids. Really lemons -> lemonade.
- Login to post comments
04.16.10 - 04:28 PM / 25Midnight said:
I'm in the exact same position as thegirlmama above...as soon as the second generation iPad is released, my husband will be gone.
- Login to post comments
04.16.10 - 05:08 PM / 26jboucher032 said:
My partner is like this with mountain bikes. I'm sure when we decide to have rugrats it will present a problem. Right now I love when he disappears in his man cave (gargage)and leaves me alone for hours!
I'm also very excited about the change in weather in SLC. Bring on the heat!
- Login to post comments
04.16.10 - 05:25 PM / 27Steve O said:
We men love our toys. Wife asks . . Do you love me?
Muffled reply . . yaaa or grunt . . (Back to tinkering with new toy)
- Login to post comments
04.16.10 - 06:15 PM / 28everkelly said:
We haven't gotten one yet (we are slow, and we like to wait for stuff to go on sale), and this is sort of what I'm afraid of. I would be more excited about the ipad if 1) it didn't have the word "pad" in its name and 2) if we bolted it to a wall so it wouldn't creep into every room of our house begging for attention. But then -- that's the point, right? Glad to hear that your family is handling this with grace. I'm sure we'll get there... eventually.
- Login to post comments
04.16.10 - 06:30 PM / 29RoseTattoo said:
I'm the geek in our family. As we speak, I have my Macbook in front of me, my iPad to the left of me and my iPhone to the right of me.
- Login to post comments
04.16.10 - 06:37 PM / 30