HAHAHA - point taken!

Quick solution for your dilemma - put a padded crib bumper up. Most are about 10 inches high and will prevent any limbs from escaping. We had the same issue with our son and once we put the bumper in his crib, he never got a limb stuck and the extra padding around the crib seemed to make him feel more secure and I swear he slept better...

What is a playpen if not a box?

I let my baby sleep in a cardboard box:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/que_sara_sara/2307996645/

I don't remember any of our baby books saying we shouldn't...

CRACKED ME UP: "Oh, wonderful, beautiful, immobile Leta!"

Right now I'm betting that you DID in fact put Marlo in a box, and that right now everyone in your family is much happier for it. In fact, I bet that's why you let Jon show them Star Wars: because he caved in to the box!

PS: Does this make me a bad doggie momma?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/kristan/2352666095/

As if my husband doesn't already have enough reasons not to have sex with me. Now even cardboard boxes are an excuse.

Here's the link to the mesh bumper I mentioned earlier... works like a dream! http://www.onestepahead.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=534464&parentC...

The mobility really does make things exponentially more difficult. And we made the additional mistake of letting our petite daughter remain in a crib for far too long ... so much so that when we moved her to a bed, she had no concept of a sleeping in something that she could actually fall out of.

PACK AND PLAY.

maybe these?

http://www.onestepahead.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=534464&parentC...

Is Marlo's middle name Houdini? God help you when she's big enough to get a leg over the side of the crib! Total game over, dude.

But how about a playpen? I know, it's a pain in the ass bending over to get them and put them back (tricky not waking them on the putting back), but it looks more fashion-forward than cardboard.

Unless you paint it up really pretty, of course. Think of the possibilities! Do you still have the box from your new washing machine? Recycling, you know.

Seconding the advice on the bumpers and especially recommending the sleep sack. Both my kids have had these: http://www.momandbabyworks.com/index.php/promos
They rock, and significantly impair mobility while keeping babies and toddlers toasty warm in frigid Montana. Or Utah.

Maybe her wails aren't complaints ... maybe she's just really advanced and has decided that instead of going by "Marlo," she wants to go by her initials, "Mia."

Hi Heather -

My kids were both movers and shakers, so we put a kind of ugly, but really functional, mesh crib bumper in the crib. It made it so the crib was airy, but gap free. I think this is the one we bought http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2266849&CAWELAID=1075....

And, I'm so sorry about the loss of your grandmother. Mine is 90, and I love her so much it hurts. My thoughts are with you.

Emily
Red Bird Crafts

Oh, BTW: If Jon needs to get mentally prepared for a vasectomy, I have this to offer.

Heather...

Daycares use plexi on cribs so that babies don't do that very thing. It's perfectly safe. I wouldn't use cardboard, she might chew on it and get a piece off and choke or something. Crib bumper too...tuck it down between the bards and mattress...slide it down and tie it tight below that tuck in spot...will make it taut and pretty tight, so she can't move it.

Good luck.

You did not ask for a suggestion, and I loved the post, but I had the same problem with the Kid when she was little. And the answer was PACK AND PLAY.

Yes. Put the baby in a pack and play for sleeping. Get one that can move her higher off the ground if the floor is cold, one with a bassinet. The sides are plenty tall enough to keep her in for quite some time to come, and the bed is stable enough to be super duper safe. I mean, they RUN and LEAP in a pack and play. Sleeping is a piece of cake. There are some pack and plays that have sheets fitted to them as well.

I suggest this one to start (or some version of it):

http://www.amazon.com/Graco-Pack-Play-Portable-Playard/dp/B000MXL04U/ref...

and this one to continue:

http://www.amazon.com/Graco-Pack-Play-Playard-Quilt/dp/B000056C86/ref=sr...

See? Good world all around. Because not getting enough sleep is the work of Satan and probably Dick Van Patten.

Heather, does Marlo tolerate being swaddled? We swaddled from 2 weeks to about 6 months, when he got strong enough to bust out. He slept so SO much better and longer when wrapped up like a chubby little burrito.

You *know* you are asking for the crazies to come out of their whatever and attack you on EVERY SINGLE WORD that you have said on here?

and especially that line about Leta being immobile?, you are going to be hearing that for a long, long time. I sometimes pity the crazies. Sense of humor must have been handed out while they were worrying about their hang nails !

OMG, my hang nail could hurt my BABBBBBBBBBBBBY!!!!

I just raised the Lord's name in vain. Surely I'm going to hell (can't be much worse than where I live, though !).

MM.

PACK AND PLAY!!!

If you can't get the bumpers pushed down far enough where she won't get a limb stuck you should just get your pack and play out (assuming you have some sort of a portable "play pen") and then you, and Marlo, can rest easy!

Totally on board with the snip thing because I am NOT HAVING ANOTHER BABY. Condoms break all the time and I am just not willing to have a "mistake" so I think after 6 months of no sex my husband is ready to make the commitment!

Renae

Ohhhhh, I can't stop laughing because SO MUCH CHANGES with a second child. I remember the days when you were so totally stressed out about Leta not moving on her own, and now you'd LOVE to have a kid who doesn't move on her own! (I was worried WITH you; I'm not picking on you.) We have three boys and they have all developed on COMPLETELY different timelines, our third most quickly of all. Best wishes containing Marlo!

These comments should be fun. You're going to get a bunch of people that suggest crib bumpers and then you're going to get a bunch of people that say "NOOOOOOOO! Your baby will suffocate and DIE within 5 seconds after installing the crib bumper even if your baby's not even in the crib!" And then everyone's going to duke it out, but at least we'll all forget that you put your baby in a cardboard box. Excellent work, dooce!

We suffered for a couple of weeks with our first daughter, until she figured it out, but with our (now) 18 month old we use a sleep sack. Best invention ever, she actually calms down when she sees it & knows that it is ok to sleep. It prevented her legs from getting stuck thru the bars when she was little, and now it prevents our little monkey from climbing out of the crib (she can't hitch her leg up that high).

Crib tent. You can get one at Babies R Us (not to be confused with babes r us...just so you know). It has a mesh lining that keeps kids from sticking their arms out the bars of the crib and it still allows for air flow.

I get it though. Totally. A box sound pretty good right about now!

Jon. Dude. Whatever. Put her in a fucking box already, and get some sleep. People have slept in worse. Hell, even baby Jesus slept in a feedbox.

I kind of wish there was a "Like" button on your blog so I could push it when I especially like what you've had to say for the day.

I especially like what you've had to say for the day.

When my sister and I were kids, we put our pillows in sideways cardboard boxes and slept with our heads in them. Just felt like I had to share that.

Oh, and the plexi suggestions...I don't know. That just doesn't seem right to me!

hahaha...my captcha is "sister bizarres"!

boxes work well for infants. now i just put the three year old on the corner with a sign that says "free for the taking"

somehow she always gets returned after a few hours, but let me tell you - those few hours are like heaven!

Breathable crib bumper - safer than the padded ones but still keep the arms and legs inside the crib at all times. Try it and get some rest!

Oh but if you have a solution to the binky falling out of the babies mouth that doesn't include duct taping it in because I have been assured that would make me a horrible mom - please blog about that!!

My husband slept in a pulled out dresser drawer as a baby and now he totally won't anymore. They wrecked him. Be careful...

Plexiglass. It worked for my newborn hamsters when they started walking through the bars of their cage when I was 12.
OR
Get the crib bumpers.

They ought to make plexiglass cribs now that I think about it.

how about a laundry basket? that way you can take her wherever, and have a little nest of laundry (dirty or clean, whichever is available...) on the bottom? Tuck in some detergent, a bottle of water, you're good to go! Then you could put wheels on it. And an engine!

Oh, come ON. Put that baby in a box.

Don't let the internet dictate how you parent! Or that pesky husband!

A recycling bin, I need one of those! I've resorted to a well-lined bathtub. I slept right next to it and now I'm confessing to the public. Same problem here, my first would get his arms jacked-up and then start screaming bloody murder. I couldn't sleep, until the bathtub.

i had a "crib tent" for my second. it lined the crib, went under the mattress, and formed a 'tent' above the mattress. it had a zippered opening and was made of mesh. it's made to keep cats out of cribs, i used it to keep my 2 year old out. there were no stuck limbs. but my mother did think it bordered on abuse.

This post is exactly why I am afraid to have a second baby. My first was/is pretty darn easy. I know that the odds having having one who is the exact opposite are just too high. My guy was a chunker who didn't roll over until, hmm, 9 months. I can't imagine a rolling 4 month old.

I totally wouldn't judge you for using a box.

Haha...I see no problem with a box. But, then again, I don't have any children.

Hey Heather,

My friends Dennis and Jana were so broke when they had their first baby that Dennis made a crib/bassinet from a cardboard box that he bolted to a TV tray from KMart. Dennis says he lined it with some baby wrapping paper to make it nice.

Baby Dennise is all grown up with two babies of her own and quite well adjusted.

hugs, ash.

I know your pain. My daughter liked to sleep sitting up. All night.

Perhaps this is your answer?

http://www.safetsleep.com/

The breathable bumpers are the BEST!!!! Used them with my oldest (2 1/2) & now with my little one (6 mo). Try Babies R Us.

I don't see what's wrong with the box idea. It seems quite practical to me. :)

Although, I'm not yet a mom, and my parenting ways will by highly influential by what I read here, so if my mom finds me w/ a cardboard crib and peter frampton posters on the wall a few years from now, I will not hesitate to blame you, the lady with shingles.

Just kidding... but kind of serious. :)

A mesh crib bumper to that "lets the air through". Ha ha, are you people kidding? The top of the crib is open, no? How is that not enough air? Or do you people put a lid on the crib? And crib bumpers being used as step? What? It is fabric, folds over and yields under pressure. If your kid is old enough and determined enough to scale his/her crib, then he/she will not need the crib bumper as a step.
For the love of god, just get a cheap crib bumper, pad the crib, problem solved. Not exactly rocket science.

The Mr. and I tried the 'abstinence' thing once. We lasted a whole seven days!

This is the reason we now use birth control: We love each other way too much to not touch each other like that.

My daughter did the same thing at 4 months and that is when we started swaddling her. Except we didnt call it swaddling, we called it "arm jail." It only worked for about a month when she got strong enough to pull her arms out, but by then she didn't roll around or get stuck in the crib slats as much.

Have you tried the SwaddleMe? (By kiddopotamus, I think--you can get them at Babies-R-Us.) I call them my miracle blankets--it's like a swaddle, but they can't wiggle out. It was an absolute LIFESAVER when my then 4-month old was having the same problem as Marlo. We went from no sleep at all, to completely sleeping through the night, like, instantly.

Ok, enough unsolicited advice for one day. Good luck!

I have no words for the visuals that have come from this posting. The cardboard title works for either the crib or the bed. You could also institute the Hollywood rule of one foot on the floor at all times.

Thanks for the chuckle, gauf and snorke all in one morning.

Sleep sacks worked well for my girls, but not the boy. He managed to climb out of the crib IN THE SACK at about 8 months. Had he been the first, he'd have been an only child.

LISTEN TO #20!!! KEELIE IS ABSOLUTELY RIGHT-ON!!

Not to be alarmist, but when our oldest daughter was a year old, I walked into her bedroom and she had grabbed hold of the top rail of her crib and, while I watched, she vaulted out of the crib and onto the floor. It was like watching a gymnastics exhibition, only with more screaming and fear of someone breaking her back and leaving you bankrupt because you only have student health insurance.

I wasn't able to find baby handcuffs and leg irons back then, but surely in a more enlightened era they're readily available.

This entry made me laugh out loud in a very quiet library. I am still having a hard time keeping it in...

Thanks Heather, you are the greatest at making me laugh from simply reading something on the internet!

Apparently, I slept in a cardboard box until I was several months old and my parents visited my uncle for a few days. He was so horrified at the idea of putting a baby in a box that he went out and bought my parents a Moses basket. My parents thought he was overreacting, but they must have liked it, because they kept the basket and gave it to me when I had my first child. But they still reminisce dreamily about that cardboard box, which, by the way, was also my "car seat" in those early days. THAT, btw, was the only part of the story that horrified me a little.

I am pro-box babies.

My ex once put my dog in a garbage can to keep him out of the way. I got upset and said, "How dare you put the dog in a garbage can!"

His answer: "Just think of it as a cylindrical carrying device."

So, think of a cardboard box for sweet Marlo as a recyclable bassenet. You are doing your part to be green!

Oh, and if you keep the lid, you can use it to darken to box for mid-day naps. Just poke holes in the top for air flow!

I didn't read through all the comments above, and am sure someone suggested this already, but try a breathable bumper. You can find them at Babies-R-Us and Target.

We went through the same thing, at 4 months, with my son. He was getting caught up in his bumper and I couldn't sleep so I took the bumper off and then he got caught in the crib. I LUVVVVV the breathable bumper. We all got more sleep after it was installed.

Breathable mesh bumpers?

Ah, babies. I don't usually share tips, but this one might actually be useful. Crib bumpers. I know they're not safe, blah blah blah. But When my kids did this, I put one in, but instead of leaving it all loose and floppy, I wove it VERY tightly between the crib bars. No room for a kid to get in there. This goes around three sides of the crib. I can't remember what I did on the fourth side (maybe one of those foot pianos (turned OFF, of course), but it worked. Good luck!

You would have made a terrific Catholic. Guilt and all.

You've heard about that crazy lady who's about to give birth to her *second set of twins in a year" right? She already had 2 kids before the first set of twins were born, and both parents are on Public Assistance because they have to be home to take care of so many children. If that isn't Birth Control I don't know what is.

Oh, and the lady? She's a "professional daycare" lady. Sure she is.

PACK-n-PLAY. That's all I can say... It has no bars or spaces, and Child Protective Services won't come for you. My youngest (Mar-got) is 6 mo, and I don't know what we would have done. It's a total work around for a busy, active baby.

mmb

p.s. - I remember the sleep anxiety. It's worse than the sleep dep, isn't it?

Dunno if you can get them in the US but here in Australia you can buy an 'airweave' bumper. It's just a thin sheet of fabric that you weave around the cot. Prevents limbs from getting stuck and it's breathable, so if child chooses to sleep with face smooshed up against bumper it doesn't die.

It's worse when they learn to stand up in the cot. Gah.

has anyone suggested a pack-n-play? or mesh bumpers?

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

I think the mesh bumpers are a good idea. You might also try a sleep sack. It won't help with the arms so much, but it will help with the legs. You can get some in the US at BabysRUs but if you are so inclined, they are much more popular in the UK. They come in much better fabrics, sizes, etc. Try Ebay.co.uk or try these, which are THE best! I'm getting them for my 18 month old and my 3 year old.

http://www.gro.co.uk/default.aspx

I never have time to comment but MUST HAVE my daily Dooce. Like coffee...or air. There are a few things that I want to comment on and I will take the liberty of doing it all here, now.

First of all and most importantly:
MEAN PEOPLE SUCK. Mean is one thing but saying mean things about someone's children (that are TOTALLY BEAUTIFUL BY THE WAY)is in no way ever ok. There should be a special place in hell for anyone that can hate a child!!!! Your daughter's are gorgeous and you ARE IN NO WAY a bad parent for blogging about them. If anything, it's evidence of how much you love them.

Second and totally important:
Girl your haircut is HOT!!! And you are beautiful inside and out. You are funny, smart and kind. The people that hate on your website are none of those things and are jealous. Your website's so popular beacuse you're so awesome. I also follow you on twiiter. Stalkeriffic??? If they didn't like you they wouldn't stalk you ;) LOVE YOUR HATERS, THEY'RE YOUR BIGGEST FANS. They wish that they could have your life, and spend all their time with their loving family instead of working their shit-hole jobs.

And last but still important:
Your husband is not a dork. I've read some things he's written about our nation and it's problems and he seems very smart. Doesn't he also do tons of tech stuff for your site? And I thought his Peter Frampton video was awesome. My hubby is like that, and they make the 'funnest' dads. I'm sure you're proud of him, people who say mean things about him just wish they had such a nice husband.

Keep your lovely chin up, smile, you are FABULOUS!!! And keep doing your thing, YOU ROCK! I would love for you to follow me on twitter,I'm nobody but I blog alot and am a tad funny :P I'm @naughtyperfect, you're the reason I joined now I'm addicted. All my best!!!

:)

I see nothing wrong with a cardboard box crib. Seems logical to me.

However, don't end up like this woman and put the cardboard box ON TOP OF YOUR CAR with Marlo in it. Bad idea:

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/705334823/Mom-lets-daughter-ride-on-t...

There is an episode of Seinfeld where Fraser lets the Asian businessmen sleep in a chest of Drawers. I think this would work for you.

I HIGHLY recommend abstinence. I got pregnant with my 3rd baby, when my 2nd was 6 months old. Let me repeat that, SIX MONTHS OLD!! We weren't even sure we wanted a 3rd, but there she was. So yeah. That whole not being able to get pregnant while breastfeeding is a bunch of crap. Although we were using condoms, most of the time. I have an IUD now and it's the best thing besides the "snip, snip" which may be coming soon.
-Kristi

I noticed others on here said it and I'll agree...Breathable Bumper. We got ours at Babies R Us. I was so fearful of the kid smooshing there head against the bumper and suffocating thing but then like you I became fearful of her getting caught. This bumper is the best of both worlds...it let me sleep a bit easier.

I think a box is a grand idea. Maybe that's why people used to have their baby sleep in a dresser drawer?

I remember my little brother always having a leg stuck in the bars. He'd get jammed in up to his thigh and it would be so tight we'd wonder if we'd have to butter him up to get him out.

Good luck with that one :)

Maybe it's because I'm in my 50s and all grown up and way past the having babies stage, but Jon is all wrong here. A box sounds perfectly fine to me; in fact, it sounds like a wonderful [temporary] solution to a problem.

Life is too short to sweat the small stuff.

[Think of a box as sort of a temporary cradle.]

Or maybe, if he doesn't like the idea of cardboard, how about a dresser drawer? Don't leave it in the dresser though.

Box it up! How 'bout a dresser drawer - stronger sides. Makes perfect sense, yet society would probably have you arrested. Why the bars really? I may even research on this.

Isn't a crib basically a big box anyway? So what is the harm in putting the baby in a smaller box lovingly placed inside the larger box just so they can rest and not get themselves stuck? Sounds like perfect reasoning to me.

Super funny.
Had the same problem with my son. A breathable crib bumper did the trick. We used it until he was old enough to climb on it but by then he didn't get stuck anymore.

My third child constantly got her limbs stuck in the crib bars. Somehow in middle of the night (always in middle of the night) she would wedge her foot between the bars and start howling. It never happened with my other 2 children.

Mesh baby bumpers. Won't suffocate her and also wont let her limbs through.

Or... use a pack n play instead of a crib.

:-)

My four-month-old is a mover and a shaker in his crib. He can move around all over that thing. We had those bumper things up, but he kept getting stuck in those, too. I don't know what the solution is, but a box sounds pretty good to me!

Snip Snip did wonders for our sex life and now at age 42 we have a 22 year old and a 20 year old and VERY thankful we are not like our friends who are almost our age with kids almost our kid's ages but now have a ONE YEAR OLD.

Life is too short to spend it all just raising kids...

You want a sure fire way to avoid getting pregnant?

Go to Babies R Us and force yourself to stay there for half an hour.

The moms walking around in a daze, the kids screaming, the moms walking around in a daze trying to find their screaming kids...

They should sell condoms at the cash register. It would be huge business. And I'm not even remotely kidding.

I'm sure you've gotten this suggestion a million times already, and I'm far to lazy to read through all the comments, but I replaced the big puffy cute bumpers that can smother your kid with a product called Breathable Bumpers. They're mesh bumper pads...not the cutest, but I felt better about them than the cute ones. My reasoning was to keep the binkie in rather than the kid from getting stuck, but I'm sure it would work for that problem as well. Anyway, just a thought!

That's hilarious! "...next to a goat puking up a hairball." Heh.

ya know, i heard that back in tha' day folks would put the babies in a dresser drawer. just sayin'.

i was one of those bad mothers that realized after months of my son not sleeping on his back, i rolled him onto his stomach (after a conversation with a more experienced mom) and that kid slept just fine and didn't even die once.

my son had this weird noise he was making as an infant that sounded like a baby seal. i would find out later that he had the croup.

i hope marlo gets to sleeping soon b/c seriously that is why a box sounds like a good idea when you are sleep deprived. and if anyone denies that, THEY ARE LIARS.

When I visited my grandmother who raised 9 kids, she put my newborn son in a dresser drawer that she'd pulled out and set on the floor by my bed. She swore by it, so I tried it and it worked perfectly. My son is 14 now, and very handsome. :)

Bumpers are the answer.

Also if you ever fly Aer Lingus they DO put your kid in a cardboard box. They have these folddown sleep trays for the tiny babes and they line the box with blankies -- but essentialy we felt like we fedexed the baby to Ireland. Cool.

If you are worried about her head getting stuck between the bumper and the crib, which a lot of sites warn about. Try weaving a thick towel between the bars of the crib. That is what I did with my two babies. We used two towels on each side of the crib to get the full length of the bed. Worked great! Cheap and no worries about baby suffocating. It's a win win. :-)

When my mom was a kindergarten teacher, she use to hatch baby chicks and ducks in her class and then bring them home. They were always kept in a big box.

pack-n-play = box, but the pack-n-play has a better marketing company!

I think a box is a fine idea. Why the heck not? I probably shouldn't tell you this because it is mean, but my best friend's daughter got her arm caught between the crib bars and broke it and had to be in a cast for 6 weeks. The doctor told her it happens fairly frequently, this broken limbs caused by crib bars thing. It just proves that you can't win, no matter what you do. So yeah-get a box.

I just stopped by after participating in Melissa's Book Tour (Stirrup Queens). I loved the openness and candidness of your book and saw it again in your blog post today.

Loved the quote above: "In my mind it was like I had broken into the living room of God and taken a poop right there on his sofa." I laughed out loud!

And I kinda like the idea of a box for a crib. No more limbs getting stuck!

Thanks for sharing your story. Love it!

Hey! How about a pack and play? That's what we used until about a week ago, and it worked fantastic for our little mover. No nooks and crannies to get caught in!

Good luck,
Lori

When I was little I used to love playing in a cardboard box. Of course, I was much older than Marlo then. And much of the playing consisted of using the box to sled down the stairs.

So, um, maybe that's not such a great idea for a rapidly-ever-more-mobile infant?

:)

Pack 'n' Plays = HIDEOUS and plastic.

Bumper = the answer.

You could use the sides of the cardboard box to weave through the bars of the crib to block her from sticking her various and sundry appendages through the implements of torture (for you) and doom (for her)!

Heather, I like you, I really do and this story is great and all, but could you please post some new Hate? I'm hooked. Thanks.

If this lady can put her kid in a box. On her van. On a highway. Well, then you can do it too!

http://www.denverpost.com/rawnews/ci_13492428

I once bought an inflatable plastic pool on sale and my 2 year old promptly claimed it as his "nest"-he filled it with pillows and slept in it for 6 months. He's 19 now and relatively normal....

I just wanted to concur on the breathable bumper idea. I used them with my daughter and they worked great! Until she learned to pull them down and get her leg/arm/phantom limb stuck OVER the top of it.

I used a laundry basket as a bassinet for my eldest, worked great!

A funny commercial I saw recently. The topic of birth control made me think of it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWkZ_StRjU0

It's okay, you can inform Jon that the whole time I was reading this I was thinking "A box! She just needs a box! That's a perfect solution. A box!"

You could put her in a port-a-crib. The sides are mesh. My oldest went through a stage when he was a baby where he'd flip over, which would jar him awake, and he'd cry. He did that all night long, but it passed after a while.

My 9 month old did the same thing. If you don't want the risk that a padded bumper carries, I was able to find a breathable mesh bumper. It's soft, and basically just a very lightweight netting that keeps my baby from sticking a limb through the bars.

lol @ #67 (Tanya)- whatever you choose to put Marlo in DEFINITELY needs an engine!

We took our bumper out of our little one's crib due to SIDS advice (we're first-time paranoid parents). We tried the breathable bumper which apparently works for some cribs, just not ours. If I knew anything about baby sleep patterns BEFORE I had one, I would have picked a more appropriate crib. Anyway, it might work for you. Then again, it might not. Good luck!

why don't you just get a crib bumper? there's really no need for so much drama. crib bumper. the end.

My Bub did this all the time. ALL the TIME. We got a breathable bumper to have some peace.

lmao. there are times when you just wonder what you can do to keep them safe and keep your sanity. it does seem that they sprout new limbs at will. so very funny.

gotta love em.

wink

When I was in Brazil the family we visited had a beautiful home- I was of course dying to see their nursery. I was so surprised to walk in on a gorgeous nursery with a plastic sided crib! Wood head board and foot board and then solid pieces of clear plastic on the sides. I thought- that's crazy, and then- that totally makes sense!

When I was a kid and we slept somewhere other than home, my mom used to put my baby brother in an empty dresser drawer (taken out of the dresser of course).

I had the exact same abstinence program and it worked about as well as yours did. (I made it to 22, which I would actually qualify as working, except that it won't work with teenagers who actually have self-esteem.) Still not married ten years later, although my Mormon mother keeps hoping I will surprise her by running off to Vegas. She long ago crossed "temple" off her list, and now she asks every so often if I secretly got married without telling her and Dad. What would I tell her? "Yes, Mom, I sekritly got married and didn't tell you just to TORTURE YOU! But now at long last, I have given in to your badgering, and you can now rest assured that the entire time you thought I was living in sin, I was actually boinking with God's approval."

Parents, huh.

My parents didn't have room for a crib so for the first year of my life I slept in the bathtub. It looked really comfy from the pictures!

Heck, if any of the children I know are any indication, in a couple of years cardboard box is likely going to be her favorite toy ever. All the other toddlers would be so jealous to know she got to sleep in one.

I don't usually comment, but I just had to say that this is the funniest thing I've read in a long time.

This might be crazy, but could you somehow line her crib with window screen material? This way her arms couldn't get through between the bars, and if her face got pressed up against it she wouldn't suffocate!

You could always let her sleep in a dresser drawer. My husband did and he turned out fine.

What would be so bad about putting her in a box?

Oh, no, no! You still have to bear a boy baby, and really make us laugh! That is your job, isn't it?

Okay, you did a good thing with the birth of Marlo. And it all worked out sooooo beautifully, right?! Check out NFP as in natural family planning. It is 99.8% effective and a wonderful way to not be me in 8 years crying to your gyn that maybe making a permanent decision was not such a great idea. There is a reason God gave us this awesome creative force and an even better reason why we're not supposed to "screw" around with God's creation. Plus guys that go for the snip, snip have an increased likelihood of getting testicular cancer. Ask questions Heather!

Amen to immobility!! My first boy is delayed and I slept like a log during his whole infancy. Who knows if he needed anything? All I know is Mama got her sleep. Then I had to have an asshole of a child who was all, "Look at me rolling around at 3 months" Stupid kid got his arms stuck in the crib slats hundreds of times. I lost my mind too!!! I was all vomiting and carrying on. Then one of my busy body friends brought over those mesh bumper thingies. I have to admit, they are awesome! That little shit sleeps through the night now. Good thing my friend showed up with those bumpers because I was a night away from wrapping that kid up like a mummy and pinning him to his bedding.

You are fucking awesome. Don't let those kiddos get the upper hand or your life will suck!

My husband and I never put either of our kids (3 and 9 months) in a crib. My husband was going to build a crib for our daughter but never finished. So we used/use this.... http://nh.craigslist.org/bab/1418271058.html. She spent 2.5 years in this. Our son now uses it. This is not our ad. Apparently it's been discontinued and you can only get it second hand. But we love it. THe sides are soft, it's much more roomy than either a crib or a standard pack and play. And we can take it anywhere so the kids are always sleeping in their own beds, even at the beach.

See-through mesh crib bumpers, like $25 from One Step Ahead (onestepahead.com) and considered safe (since regular bumpers are now considered Baby Killers, wha?). We had the EXACT same problem, and with this lovely little product, problem SOLVED. Never again stuck in the monkey bars.

i CAN NOT believe i am going to be the first person to even mention this. i saw it on babble.com and laughed so hard. i can totally see some hipster family with their kid in it. forget crib bumpers, mesh liners and plexi glass. you can have your ultra-modern, eco-friendly, hipster cardboard box crib for only $255!

check it out here... http://tinyurl.com/yjslb5j

Just don't make the holes big enough that she can get her hand stuck in one.

This is very apropos tonight, because my husband is sitting on the couch next to me with an ice pack on his man bits. Well, he was until our 10-month-old started wailing upstairs and Hubby decided to head up and help her out then go to bed himself. Go, Jon, go!

Maybe try one of those sleep positioner things?

http://www.target.com/s/186-8401027-1190458?_encoding=UTF8&search-alias=...

A box... or Chuck or Coco's crate. Multi-functional!

I once had to "butter" my son out of the slats of his crib due to a wandering leg. Ah the memories.

I don't see anything wrong with a box, although I did use a pack 'n play for my third child since the others weren't out of their cribs and I refused to buy a THIRD crib.

My hubby got NO sex until the third sample was deemed clear by the urologist. I wasn't playing around after three kids.

Your idea is completely rational and I - for one - would neither judge or report you to any authority. Promise.

We had the same problem with our daughter so we just put her in one of the playpens with the mesh sides - she could roll around as much as she wanted. She slept in it until she was 2ish and then went to a bed.

Like most Finns born in the latter half of the 20th century I slept in the cardboard box that the maternity package came in until I grew out of it. Most of us turned out fine. On the website (English version: http://www.kela.fi/in/internet/english.nsf/NET/180408150632HS?OpenDocument) they actually call it a box bed.

I just wanted to chime in with praise for the vasectomy. Jon, my husband had one three years ago and it's been an awesome party ever since! No more "did you remember your pill?" No more "did you put a (spermicidal) patch in? Has it been 15 minutes yet?" Just get thyself two bags of frozen peas, one for the freezer and one for the boys.

As far as Miss Marlo goes, perhaps the wedge?

We used real honest-to-God, cloth bumpers. You know... the kind that grab a baby, suck it in and squeeze the life out of him or her while you sleep and are completely unaware? Yep, way back in 1999, before the world discovered eleven thousand new things to freak out about over their babies, we used those kinds of bumpers. And we did this to keep her flailing limbs in the crib; otherwise she'd gooch the dog around 3 in the morning and the dog would yelp and Drue (aforementioned daughter) would scream and I would cry and my poor former husband would have to soothe the dog, the baby and me, albeit never in that particular order.

Oh and we let her sleep with a blanket because she loved her blanket and she covered her face with it and slept all night, every night from 9 months old. I know now it was from lack of oxygen (obviously!) but at the time I was ignorant and just thanked god she was sleeping. ;-)

Oh and she's ten now and healthy. Go figure, right?

P.S. A shallow laundry basket works wonders too. Just sayin'.

Put her in a box. What's the big deal? It wouldn't hurt her. In fact, if it allowed everyone to be comfortable, it would be a win-win. I'm fairly sure a baby can't suffocate in a box or fall out and crush its skull. Go for it.

i don't have kids, but the first thing that came to mind was:

DUCK TAPE

...then i thought, is it duck, or duct? i've never written that before. strange. left pondering...

I fail to see the objection to putting your baby in a cardboard box. How is that any more ghetto than tinfoil on the windows? ;)

Bhaha!
I think your readers are being very supportive here, of all of your.. Thingies..
Boxes, vasectomy and abstinance alike!

I think the bumper maight be a good idea, sleep deprived Heather is not the best Heather ;)

Your hilarious! Great post.......... and your right about the not sleeping in 4 days! Play it safe all the way people, it will make life much easier in the long term.

When our little one was BRAND new, we put her in a dresser drawer to sleep. With it open, of course. I think the box is a great idea. It works for kittens, doesn't it?

One time I was going mad from lack of sleep and trying to describe a contraption to my husband that would contain our 1yr old kiddo (who was not in a crib) from rolling off our bed, during naps, at night, when I needed 2 seconds to myself, yadda yadda. I was using crazy arms to describe everything and detailed descriptions for this miracle creation that would solve all our problems AND make us tons of money since no one had apparently invented it yet. His response was simply "The first thing you are thinking of creating is a CRIB, they already exist so we missed the boat on that one and the second thing you are describing I am pretty sure is a veal/animal cage which while a good idea I am pretty sure it would have CPS on our doorstep if anyone found out."

1. When I was that age (1981) my mom used to take me to work with her in a card board box until I was old enough to crawl out. It also served as a car seat...So yeah, I spent 8 some odd hours a day in a box, under the counter of an ice cream shop in the middle of the mall. Now THAT explains SO much. hmmm

2. Not a bad idea Heather, go get a box and cut large pieces out and make "bumpers" for your crib. Poke a few holes in it with a pencil and you're golden.

Oh what? The baby will eat it? Um..extra fiber?

My 18 month old does not sleep through the night. I soooooo tired. My gut says the prospect of SIDS dramatically reduces when the baby an roll over, and over, and over.

Rebel

I DID IT!!!! I SOLVED YOUR PROBLEM!!!

No fancy mesh bumpers or cardboard needed here! Buy this little puppy and hell, you won't even need a CRIB!

It is called "The Bathroom Door Baby Hanger"

Basically an aparatus that allows you to dangle your baby from the stall door (and stare at you) while you pee in a public restroom but it could totally work in your sitch.

SCORE!!!!

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/parenting/detail?blogid=29&entry_id=...

It reminds me of a story a friend told me. His wife is a social worker who goes into crack houses to rescue kids. One time, she walked into a decrepit crack house and found a baby duct taped to the wall. Heather-don't go there. :)

Rebel

my daughter's bed was a laundry basket for the first two weeks of her life - we couldn't afford a crib.

Sheesh! WTF? and other exclamations! Bumpers! Tucked down beside the mattress! All this nonsense about soft bumpers and bedding being unsafe just frustrates me. And makes me wonder how on earth I raised five kids to adulthood, lying them on their fronts, in cots with BUMPERS!!!! SHOCK, HORROR! As did all my friends. Whose children DID NOT DIE OF IT! NOT ANY OF THEM! Sheesh (again)! There are just not enough capital letters and exclamation marks in the world to express my exasperation with this 'dangerous bedding' rubbish!

Sorry Heather; just venting ;-)

okay, I only see maybe one vasectomy comment, so I'll add my .02 ... just be warned, if you think Jon is bad when he gets a cold ... just wait until he needs to spend two days or more on the couch with an ice pack over his balls ... the moaning will rival a medieval torture chamber I promise you that. All your assurances that it will be worth it in the end will fall on deaf ears until the pain relents ... and then once you let him cross that invisible line ... well, then he'll think it was all worth it :-) Happy sterilization!

What's wrong with a box? It's not like you are sticking her in an animal carrier, or the bathtub, or a toybox! I remember those sleepless days, uh, no wait, months. I'm still recuperating from it and my youngest is almost 5!

Um why not? Didn't people once put their kids in drawers? I mean they pulled the drawer out, obviously, and set it in another spot but I swear this was practiced back in the day. Okay, maybe they did it because they couldn't afford the crib, but I bet some did it to keep kids untangled and easily storable in case of company.

Not sure if anyone suggested this or not since I only read the first 50 or so comments. We live in the Netherlands and nearly everyone here uses a baby sleeping bag/sleep sack. While the arms are still free to get stuck, it is a good solution for keeping baby warm and legs untangled. Plus, it will help with hindering babies from escaping the crib later on.

Good luck finding a solution...I think the cardboard box is fine too!

My son drove me CRAZY when he started moving and getting his legs caught in his crib. I was terrified to put his crib bumper back on though. I found "Breathable Baby Crib Bumpers" on the website for Walmart and also Babies R. Us. It is genius. The bumper is made out of mesh. Keeps baby IN the crib, along with pacies, and keeps them from suffocating. Oh, and I'm a lowly Catholic school teacher - not a paid employee of the bumper company! ;)

I had an early roller that would flip in her sleep and then wake up totally pissed off. Then I would roll her back over only for her to repeat...and repeat...and repeat. I finally had enough and bought a sleep positioner with wedges on each side that she couldn't roll over. Worked like a charm.

Crib bumper! She is big enough to move so she won't get her face stuck, and if you tuck it in a bit around the edges of the mattress it is like a soft padded little box.

Heather, order a breathable crib shield. It is made of the same material as the sides of a pack and play, it velcros separately onto each of the four sides of the crib and prevents arms and legs from getting in between the rails. The come in colors, they're machine washable and saved my sanity. http://shop.happymothers.com/shop/prd_BB20001_Breathable-Crib-Shield-in-...

$35.00

Thanks for the laughs! And if you ask me, a box is a great idea!

I agree w/ the mesh bumpers from one step ahead, they are amazing.

After 4 kids my husband wouldn't even consider a vasectomy but I needed something with no recovery time. So I chose:
www.essure.com
It's permanent and you get tested to make sure it worked. Best thing ever. I drove myself there and went on my way afterwards. Zero pain.It's done in the Dr. office and you only pay a co-pay(depending on insurance).

Also, I use the the www.breathablebaby.com mesh crib shield. Love it. We have a crib that is solid wood on one end so I needed something that wasn't one piece so it would fit securely and they had what I needed. Just thought I would pass it along to you.

You do not need to buy bumpers. I have bumpers, but gave in to the SIDS paranoia. Nevertheless, my 3-month-old has also started getting himself tangled up in the crib. The solution is basically your cardboard box. Except we just cut one up to line the sides of the crib with cardboard. Works just as well and is ALMOST like putting the baby in a box.

Isn't that what boxes were made for?