Diplomacy
Saturday morning I woke up with a clogged milk duct in my right boob (sorry, Dad!) and spent almost the entire day hugging a damp heating pad to try and relieve the pain, hoping the situation wouldn't turn worse and jump over into a case of mastitis. I once had a single friend ask me first, whoa whoa whoa, that can happen? And then two, can you please lie and tell me it doesn't hurt? Because she wanted to go on thinking that babies were cute.
Oh, no, it doesn't hurt. IT'S PARALYZING. And depending on where the duct is and just how clogged it has become, you can lose your eyesight! Not really, but almost! I've had worse clogged ducts than the one on Saturday, but that one was bad enough that my entire underarm was on fire and I wasn't letting Jon look at that side of my body. I'd feel him glancing and I'd shove my hand into his face and go, STOP, DON'T, if you look at that boob it will explode. And then he'd have to explain to his mother that I was in the hospital because he couldn't stop ogling me. AWKWARD.
Marlo and I worked as a team and got things cleared up by that evening, enough that I was comfortable driving out to my mother's house to have dinner with them and my brother's family. Which included his youngest child, eighteen-month-old Adam, a human wrecking ball, a kid who routinely walks around looking for things to destroy. You may be thinking, Heather, does your brother know you're talking about his son this way? Whereas my brother is going TELL THEM, HEATHER! TELL THEM! Maybe then someone will listen and understand why he's rocking back and forth in a corner.
You guys, I've never seen a kid like this, and I didn't believe it when my mom mentioned it to me, that Adam was capable of such destructive behavior. But then I witnessed it in my own house once, watched as he silently scouted out the room for the most delicate object within reach, and then he walked over, picked up a bird figurine AND SMASHED IT! Like an angry, towering monster! WHILE LOOKING DIRECTLY AT ME. Not a big deal, I have more than enough bird figurines, I am That Bird Figurine Lady, but DUDE WAS INTENSE! Like that bird figurine and I had wronged him in some way! And I was all, is he okay? And my brother just shook his head and said that the only reason he hasn't taken up drinking is because he still hopes to make it into heaven and there is a slight possibility that the Lord won't let Adam in.
And things were going fine Saturday night, I saw him wandering around picking things up and throwing them and then looking around to see if there was an audience. Nothing unusual. Until his mother sat down next to me and started cooing at Marlo. You can probably see where this is going, but I guess we were all too mesmerized by The Dimples to act fast enough, and next thing you know Adam has run over, is acting very nice about the baby, is even attempting to kiss her on the cheek, and then he looks at me, turns his head and looks at his mother, and then he whacks Marlo upside the head. Like, BITCH STOLE MY ATTENTION!
(Please imagine that being said through gritted teeth with a tiny bit of a Southern accent. Because that's what I'm doing.)
Marlo was fairly calm, a tad startled, but mainly her reaction was to turn her head toward the culprit with a huge grin. Like, excuse me, but I don't think you've seen my dimples! Disciplinary action was taken, but I loved how Marlo handled the whole thing. Like, you seem to be upset! How about we take a break from that and look at how cute I am!
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
1. Anonymous said:
First! Always wanted to say that.
2. Anonymous said:
almost first.
i would have whacked him heather. how did you feel?
3. Kathryn said:
seems to me that are a few people who might be able to take a lesson from that
4. Daddy Scratches said:
Was your brother thankful that you didn't take his son's life? Or maybe disappointed?
5. Anonymous said:
Yeah, I would have had to knock the crap out of that kid for busting my bird figurine. If I had bird figurines, of course. I think my grandmother used to have bird figurines. Back in the day when bird figurines were cool.
6. Mrs. Sitcom said:
Man, I thought I was going to be first. I'll settle for third. Dude...clogged milk ducts and mastitis and stitches *down there*...no wonder nobody talks about this stuff... no one would want to have kids :) :( :) Thanks for being honest! Glad it cleared up in time for Marlo's first cage fight. Sounds like she's got a good head on her shoulders!
7. ChrisV said:
Whew, I thought you were going to say he picked her up and hurled her to the ground. Not that whacking is better, but oy,
8. Britta said:
My almost 3yr old has given her 6mo old sister a few "hugs" that seemed a little too forceful - like, "hmmm...if I pretend to be loving her, maybe I can smother her and no one will notice." This happened after I assured her that Sophie was not going back to the hospital - she lived with us now.
9. Jodie said:
OMG. I thought my little guy was trouble...
I hope your boob feels better, I was just "there" last week and it freaking hurt to BREATHE. Ugh
10. Anonymous said:
Yeah, some kids are just terrors!!
I'm not sure what's going on, and I'm VERY confused by your Twitter feed - are you goign to update us on the seemingly intense WAR going on via twitter?? I'm so confused!!!
11. Meg said:
It's amazing to me that kids know exactly what to break. It never fails. AND they look you right in the eye while doing it.
I think that kid might have a future in the UFC!
12. workroom said:
Sounds like that kid needs a trip to Ceasar for some crate training... do they walk it enough?
ssssshhhhhhttt!!!11!1
13. Cindi said:
I'm in love with that picture of Marlo today. One of these days, when you don't have a million other things going on, or people spewing crap at you....would you do another photoshop tutorial? I still reference the lovely glow from time to time - and would love to see how you process these days.
14. Chicagomari said:
Holy crap, I read that thinking Adam was 18 years old and wondering what was wrong with him and why everyone let him get away with it!
15. Krista said:
Sounds like a case for The Dog Wisperer. Can't you just see him, walking next to Adam, doing his, cccha, ccccha next to him. Forget about Coco, Adam needs him far worse.
16. TamiA said:
I have a 3 year old boy. We no longer are accepted in Heaven. We have even been banned from Purgatory. Forget about the Spirit World.
P.S. Boys are a terror.
17. Ilyssa said:
Oh my GOD. I would have smacked ADAM upside the head. I can't believe that...
Haha, anyway, I'm glad you're feeling better from the terror of the clogged boob ;)
18. The Blushing Hostess said:
Perfect agony, I have been there and I am sorry it happened. My Daughters have the same effect on us, and I always glad.
19. Teresa said:
Before I forget, I would also liked to be updated on the war on Twitter.
Anyway, my cousin has a son like this. He's 15 but he still scares the crap out of me. When he was little he would come over looking all cute and innocent and act like he wanted to hug you and then punch you as hard as he could in your back or your gut. Other times he'd lay into you with his cowboy boots, steel toed cowboy boots, right in the shin. Fun times.
He also liked to destroy toys that belonged to other children. For that reason I never invited them to anything at my house. Even though he's 15 he still managed to wreck our playset last summer. He probably weighs close to 250 pounds and decided to stand on the arm of our playset, no one said a word to him. We've since had to purchase another one because obviously, he broke it. Wonderful.
20. CourtneyD said:
... Wow. Good for Marlo- Any interest in shipping off overseas for peace talks? I am almost convinced that Those Dimples could be the key to world peace... and at the rate she seems to be growing, perhaps also world hunger?!?!
21. Christine said:
I give you props for not smacking that child back! It's not that I condone child abuse or anything like that but my 14 month old son came home from daycare the other day with full set of teeth imprints on his little chubby arm from where some brute bit him and I wanted to bite the kid back myself! It hurts me to see him hurt!
Marlo is adorable with her super dimples and I hope she continues to take the "blows" that life hands her as well as she did this time around!
22. Cas said:
Ahh boys (*sighs*) they truly are a different breed! I didn't sit down much between 18m and 2 1/2, but he is totally gorgeous (and easy) now at 5. Still glad I had him before my daughter though...
23. Sue said:
Oh great. Now you're gonna upset the crazy bird ladies of the world AND some crazy support group for people with some weird attention-sucking disorder. Is there nobody you won't offend in the name of child expoitation? Geesh.
24. Sera @ Laughing Through the Chaos said:
I love her reaction - that's just classic!
And holy moly, woman - there is NO pain like a clogged milk duct. I'd almost rather give birth again. I eventually quit nursing because of chronic clogged ducts.
Hope they get better soon - so sorry!!!
25. Melissa S said:
I have two boys...5 year old and a 9 month old...they are both evil...
26. rbiggs said:
Isn't it amazing how different siblings can be? I'm not only referring to you and your brother, but Leta and Marlo.
27. Callista said:
My younger cousin had a big red spot on the tip of her nose for the first 6 mos of her life, that was so permanent that we thought it was a birthmark. Not the case. My aunt discovered one morning that every time her 4 year-old brother would walk by he would flick her IN THE NOSE! you never know with toddler terrors...
28. Anonymous said:
seriously, i think i would have hung that little boy by his ankles from the next best tree. HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH SOMETHING LIKE THAT!? its not acceptable, it can't be allowed to progress.... but well, killing a child is not ok either. aren't any of you fellow readers psychologists!? are some kids just evil, and others (like dear marlo) pure unicorn-y goodness??
29. Kristen said:
I've got my very own destructo-boy. You can tell your brother there is hope. Mine is three and a half now, and he still destroys things just for the heck of it (not to take them apart or see how they work, just to break them) BUT the hitting stopped before he turned two. In other areas of his personality, he's sweet, cuddly, and very very smart, but damn, he just loves destroying things. It doesn't even bother him to have his broken toys thrown away. I'm hoping... I'm hoping it stops. But I've gotten used to it :/
30. Helen said:
My precious grandson is a little like Adam, he gives me loves and strokes my face until I believe he loves me and then he WHACKS me into next week. He is 15 months. HE also loves to destroy laptops, he is wise enough to look at his Papa's computer with his hands behind his back and says " ooooh" and the minute Papa leaves the room, he punches that screen with a joyful guffaw.
I suspect Marlo looked at Adam so as to imprint his visage into her memory, the moment she can walk, she'll get him back, whilst smiling and showing dimples and everyone will call Adam a big old mean liar for even suggesting that Marlo with the dimples could ever pinch him hard while no one was looking, Girls are smart like that.
31. Anonymous said:
When I worked in an infant daycare room we used to have things like this happen every day. Biting, pushing, slapping despite our best efforts and without warning. Put 8 babies 8 weeks to a year and a half in one room and you will find babies are violent. We used to have one baby who would fall over and cry before another particularly aggressive child would get a chance to push her over. He would get near her and she would just drop to the floor.
Our pastor used to say, you don't have to teach children to be bad, you have to teach them to behave.
32. MoxieCrimefighter said:
OW! Just had my first plugged duct a few weeks ago...was sure I was dying of exploding boob syndrome. The breast pump is my BFF. :)
33. Michelle said:
WOW!!! She didn't even cry???
WTG Marlo! Show HIM who's BOSS!!!!
34. Anonymous said:
I'm with Kathryn... There is a lesson to be learned here. Does anybody see it?
35. Emily said:
She's an ace, that Marlo!
36. Kristan said:
LOL. Are you sure you were in the room when Marlo was conceived, then? Because that is so NOT how you would have handled someone smacking you upside the head!
37. Lorena said:
Heather, I love that you are That Bird Figurine Lady.
But I wonder...would it have been a different story if he'd tried to injure one of your HIPPOS? :)
38. Erica said:
between the boob and the family dinner, the kid hitting Marlo would have been the thing to push me over the edge. He would of learned real quick what a "Whoopin" is. Good for Marlo to be so cute and take it so nicely. I'm sure she is planning her payback.
39. Lorena said:
Gosh dang it. I was going to be comment number 17 but I took too long thinking about it and BOOM. Downsized to number 37. Please stop being so popular so that I can one day be in your top 20 without having to resort to just typing a punctuation mark and then hitting publish before I lose my spot.
40. Danielle said:
I'm cringing at the comments about how people want to handle Adam. I always knew people judged me for my kid when he was that age and it still smarts to see it confirmed. Luckily Marc is 8 now and no longer goes on "seek and destroy" missions (mostly doesn't anyway) but when he was 12 months until about 4 I could barely leave the house. I love how they think I didn't discipline him too. The only thing that would have worked at that age is duct tape and a padded room. It wasn't until I had my daughter that I truly ENJOYED motherhood (much like you are experiencing with Marlo) and people stopped thinking I was a bad mother.
My heart goes out to your brother. I hope he lives through it.
41. Ania said:
I also had experienced another toddler biting mine like #21 did. It happened 3 times before I told the preschool administrator that I was going to hunt that kid down and teach him a lesson myself. Well, that didn't go over to well, so we actually had to find another preschool. Yeah, I really didn't want to go to jail for biting a 2 year old.
42. Lauren From Texas said:
There are few things in life that terrify me more than a clogged boob.
43. Penelope said:
Perfect timing! I think all the Armstrongs are pretty tough :)
44. Liz said:
possibly my favorite marlo story yet, heather. too funny.
45. Marie said:
My girlfriend's 3 year old boy bit my youngest daughter's finger when she was just two weeks old. I would have gone through the roof if I wasn't in such a newborn fog of exhaustion. As it was, I asked her to leave with her boy so that we could all nap and recover - and I never saw her again :(
46. Mumologic said:
Dear Adam, Babies are surprisingly resilient and tend to bounce back. However, they fit nicely in roasting pans.
47. Devon said:
Dimples could very well be the thing that ends the war in the Middle East and solves health care. Maybe you should start prepping her for a life of politics.
You know, just make sure she knows how to hunt Caribus and she'll do fine! Maybe she'll even be offered a spread in Playboy! WooHoo!!!
She's a cuite Heather. You're a lucky woman with 2 beautiful girls.
48. Erika said:
Hey, commenters--don't be so mean to Adam! He's 18 months old and still learning how to communicate. My goodness. Heather said he was disciplined. Maybe it just hits a nerve because my little guy is one who communicates with his entire body (isn't that a nice way to put it =)).
My son once did the same thing, only it was a rather delayed reaction with a same-aged peer at school. They were sitting on the carpet at school and he just up and smacked her because she had been stealing time from a preferred adult earlier.
My son's been both the perpetrator and the victim of this sort of thing, and if it's handled correctly they usually grow out of it as they learn how to communicate more effectively.
Anyway, very funny story, Heather, and Marlo's reaction was perfect.
49. Mary Dawn said:
my daughter and adam should meet...ok, maybe not
50. My Baby Sweetness said:
Selfish as I am, I have to admit - I actually thought you were going to say that he somehow *knew* and hit your sore, aggravated, it hurts when you even LOOK at it milk duct, rather than that he hit the baby.
I get those as well and know what you're refering to. Is it lump in my boob? Is it cancer? No, I don't think so. I don't think cancer is this painful...
51. Anonymous said:
Kid needs some meds... and some parents who don't outsource him.
52. Ashly said:
My two year old daughter did that to her little brother in the first moments after we brought him home. I think she was establishing her dominance over him which she has rigorously maintained for ten years now. :) I think it may have felt a little different if it had been someone else's child, but nonetheless, I can relate to this story.
53. Jacquie said:
Aw, cousins. Love that your girl handled it with a grin, your sister in law must have been mortified. I'd love to see the protective maneuvers you put into place the next time young bruiser comes over to play!
54. Kwil said:
OMG. Motherhood sounds mighty painful!
Glad Marlo is such a good sport.
55. Brooke said:
I'm jealous of Marlo. She really make me want to have dimples. No fair!!
I have a cousin who sounds like Adam. She's 11 now. Things haven't changed much...
56. Nicole Johnson said:
Boys are so impulsive and want attention, don't they!? I'm glad Marlo was not distraught about it. She's already one tough cookie just like her momma. ;) Your brother's son will be fine with discipline. I highly recommend the book "Setting Limits With Your Strong-Willed Child." That book helped us out a lot with these kinds of things! Oh and also the book "Hands Are Not For Hitting" that you read with your child. That helped a lot in our hitting phase (which was about 2 months or so).
Adam is actually your nephew, right? Just checking because you said your "brother's son". Just wondering. LOL
57. K*OS! (Keep On S'myelin!) said:
Let your brother know that he's not alone.
While my son never hit he did (and still does occasionally) have pretty intense temper tantrums. We tried everything to get him to stop but in the end we had to be patient and let him grow out of them (while encouraging positive behaviour). It was a very frustrating and draining time for all of us. I'm sure Adam's phase will pass in time too.
Sorry Marlo had to be at the receiving end.
Take Care!
58. IL~Janet said:
Peace and Dimples shall reign supreme!
59. Jasie VanGesen said:
BITCH STOLE MY ATTENTION!
classic.
60. steph said:
Adam sounds like my Austin. Makes me think twice about having any more. He can be sweet too though.
61. Anonymous said:
Yeah! Smack Adam upside the head. That's exactly how you teach him *not* to smack!
He should know better but he's still a little guy. I know you totally love him and accept him as he is, Heather, or you wouldn't have shared this story.
Loved the story. Thanks for sharing!
62. DJD said:
a little TMI in the beginning of this post. Some things a lady should keep to themselves.
63. Bobbi said:
I have two cousins, brothers who are apart by a year. The older one used to pat his brother on the back, say sweetly in his cute 2 year old voice, "Nice baby" and then push him face first into the carpet when no one was looking.
At the age of three, this same kid yelled at the next door neighbors, "Hey 'eighbors, what the 'uck you think you do-ing?" And then slammed the patio door shut.
Needless to say, he was a hell on wheels for those toddler years.
He grew up to a great teenager.
And a perfect adult.
64. Rita T. said:
That was too cute. Baby's can get crazy jealous when other baby's steal their thunder!
65. Mommica said:
I was already imagining Adam saying it through gritted teeth, but thanks for adding the southern accent part. It really helped me get the full effect. Nice.
66. Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com said:
I hope it's all cleared up by now. I had mastitis as a result of a clogged duct a couple weeks after giving birth to my daughter.
It's a miracle I'm still breastfeeding, now that I've seen The Other Side of it. Ugh.
67. Anonymous said:
Dude, Marlo is Nermal the cat. Make sure that kid doesn't try to mail her to Abu Dhabi.
68. Maggie May said:
Hoya hoya! I've seen babies do this kind of thing to each other and they always look kind of smug afterward.
I had a clogged milk duct with Lola and it sucked monkey balls. I used an oil they recommended at Henry's and massaged.
Healthy Boobs to YOu!
69. beyond said:
maybe he needs an outlet, creative or something more physical. toddler yoga perhaps. boys are so different from girls, aren't they? a good story to tell at thanksgiving dinner in 20 years...
70. Jackee said:
I have the 16 month old version of that kid. I introduced him to a friends new baby recently and before I could say a word he was already knuckle deep in her nose...oy.
71. Jennifer said:
I feel so incredibly sorry for parents of difficult children like that. I cannot imagine the patience and energy it must take the handle that. And how embarrassing it must be. I am glad you (and MARLO) are taking it with a grain of salt. Great job mommy.
72. BurningNymph said:
I love how your writing takes the mundane and elevates it to a human drama, forces of darkness and light, jealousy, anger, deceit...and a moral for the observant...
73. Mo said:
Go break one of his bird figurines. See how he likes it.
Oh, right. 18 month-old. He'll settle down. I only have the one girl, but I do have a nephew. They're somewhat like dogs, I think. They mellow with age. But then there's puberty...hmm. *Passes this kid's dad a shot*
GO MARLO! OPERATION DIMPLIFY IS A GO!
74. Michelle said:
First off, that is just the cutest picture ever that you posted of Marlo today. Can her eyes get any more gorgeous?
Secondly- I hope you and the boob are feeling much better!
75. Mo said:
Oh, and stop fishing for boob massages.
;-P
76. Jennifer (Conversion Diary) said:
"Maybe then someone will listen and understand why he's rocking back and forth in a corner."
Taking a break from wiping off the coffee that I just spewed on my keyboard to say...That is HILARIOUS. I have four kids under six, all wrecking balls, and can totally relate. Although when I rock back and forth in my corner I usually bring a bottle of wine.
77. IdiotParade said:
I would have put that kid in the Time-Out to end all other time-outs. Still a baby or not....reckless distruction and hitting gets one locked in a steal playpen. With an ankle ball and chain.
Kudos to Marlo for having poise and DIMPLES! (way better than SHINGLES!), and to you for not waterboarding your nephew.
78. Renee said:
I fear that a little bit. That I'm going to have another child and it's going to break everything and everyone it touches. I'm concerned that it may be punishment for having such a wonderful first child.
Did Leta see this happen? Because if she did, I'm picturing someone pinning her to the ground to keep her from attacking Adam.
79. Anonymous said:
OH, I so feel your pain on the mastitis. I think that I would rather have another natural birth than go through the living Hell of a breast infection again. At one point I think I threatened my husband that I was going to saw the thing off with a butter knife. Thankfully I didn't, but it was close.
80. Maile said:
Why is being first so cool? 78th rocks my world.
That kid should be duct taped to a train and picked up in Pocatello.
81. Anonymous said:
Oh Heather, that story made my stomach turn. As the mother of two small girls, I don't know how you could handle the aftermath with such grace. Wow. I know these things happen and that's pretty much why I lock my children inside all day :)
82. sarah said:
that kid needs a few dozen spankings.
83. the dalai mama said:
At least he wasn't 4. Hopefully he was reprimanded for hitting a baby. He better get use to being out shined--dimples and those eyes. She'll give him a run for his money.
84. Aimee said:
Ugh - the hard-love toddler. Welcome to my nightmare. Er, household. Er, life.... nah, screw it, there's no nice way to describe the ball of aggressiveness that is my 3 year old. He loves his little brother, but is always, always hurting him. Apparently I was the same way towards my little sister. My mother has said she was worried that I was going to be a sociopath. But I turned out ok *twitch* so I have hope for my oldest.
And YAY for no mastitis. I am still nursing my youngest and have lived in fear of mastitis since day 1 (Having nursed my oldest until after my youngest arrived - I've been nursing for 3 years! Wheeeeee!)
85. dimplecheek said:
I too am in love with the picture of Marlo from today! She is so adorable that she will totally be able to stop wars just by smiling at people and flashing that dimple.
Hope your boob gets well soon!
86. Eliza said:
When I first read this post I thought you said he was 18 YEARS old, and I panicked! It's only marginally better that Adam is 18 MONTHS old, but whew!
87. Zoe said:
I used to be in after-school care as a kid with a woman who had a 4-year-old. Used to sneak up and punch me SO HARD and then run away, on a regular basis. One day as he wound up to wale me in the thigh muscle and I caught him - I grabbed his wrist and just held him there (I mean, gently, he hadn't hurt me. YET) and explained that I didn't like being hit... and the little bastard went screaming to his mom saying I'd punched him. She maintained firmly that 4-year-olds are too young to know how to lie.
No point, really, just glad that I wasn't completely hallucinating the toddler-aged violence. :)
88. HDC said:
Welcome to my hell by proxy. I don't know how I have survived past my child's third birthday in all honesty. I shall hoist an imaginary tall cool one this evening in respect to your brother in our shared plight.
Little boys, WTF? That's about all I can say.
btw, note to sarah @#82, there isn't enough palm flesh in the world to be effective. Trust me.
89. Becky said:
Damn you Heather!!! You're making me want to have another baby against my will. Your posts are so freaking funny and adorable that they make my ovaries ache. So not fair!!! If I accidentally get knocked up, I'm going to make you explain everything to my husband. "You see, husband, Marlo is so adorable she can spontaneously cause pregnancy in unwitting women."
I've got medical issues that have us holding back from another one. But if someone could guarantee me an easy baby instead of the refluxing/allergic ball of crazy I had the first time round I think I'd be willing to risk it. But no doctor I've seen has yet to issue that guarantee, so I guess I'll just have to read your posts and weep. I especially love watching vids of Leta and Marlo. Thinking about my son having a sibling just makes me melt.
Glad it's going so much better this time 'round! And if you figure out the sexual position that produced this easy baby, please let me know right away.
90. Sara said:
Sound like Marlo was "taking the high road". Or maybe she's just too cute to understand getting pissed about it. :)
91. Ze said:
With one side out of commission, you should have let Marlo chew on Jon's nipple as a pacifier. Why should he get to escape this precious painful experience.
92. Jen said:
Forgive me, for I will sin on your comments and provide unsolicited advice. Next time your duct clogs, have Jon help. Gross, I know, but I had mastitis twice, and after that, if baby didn't clear up the duct by the end of the day, husbands job was to clear the plumbing! No mastitis since :-) (oh, and you're welcome Jon)
93. Krissa said:
Reminds me of a time my toddler daughter and I were in a public play area and she was playing with blocks. Another kid came over and snatched the one she happened to be holding out of her hand. She stared at him for a fraction of a second and smiled and started picking up blocks and handing them to him. It was like she thought, "Oh. This must be how the game goes!" Of course the kid lost interest and walked off. I was so proud.
94. Avoiceofmyown said:
Clogged milk ducts suck. Mine usually last 2 days... the first time I got one I went for a jog 5 weeks post partum and wore 3 BRAS! I was so well supported that I constricted the girls and over did it. I was a noob alright. Massage, heat and alot of nursing helped. Also pointing baby's chin in the direction of the clogged duct can help. Which can get tricky if your duct is at 11 O'clock.
95. Anonymous said:
Don't know if it would help with your current issues but I just read about how seashells can help with painful breasts and nipples:
http://www.mothering.com/breastfeeding/seashells
"The shells are an ancient remedy for nipple sores, ranging from splits and cracks, to bleeding and blisters. According to a Swedish online site that sells the shells, they create a soothing microclimate so that nipples soften and are moisturized by breastmilk—which contains lactoferrin—known for its antiviral and antibacterial healing properties."
Shell bikini, anyone?
96. Olivia said:
Jeez, I can't believe people harrass you through emails saying how "easy" your life is. You seem to be more prone to infection and diseases than anyone I know. Mastitis, clogged milk duct, skin cancer, shingles. You seriously are amazing, Heather. If I got shingles and clogged milk ducts within my line of memory, let alone the same month, I would need therapy lol.
97. repliderium.com said:
Marlo MUST grow up to work for the UN, or in a liquor store in the shitty part of town- both require patience.
98. Brat said:
OMG, my grandson has a clone!
Talk about another destructive child; I really almost pitied my daughter, except that she gave me all this gray hair whilst a teenager.
But I digress.
My angelic [ROFL!] grandson took apart their very expensive teevee one day. Apparently THE OTHER GRAMMA wasn't paying very good attention to what he was doing behind there.
By the way, he wasn't quite two when he took apart the teevee, so they can start young.
He was also a climber of the first order. He considered kitchen counters to be his pathways to Heaven, and all the cabinets were HIS! My daughter spent a LOT of time cleaning up spilled food because she said, "OMG, Mom, you can't believe how fast that little fucker is!"
I tried to have sympathy, but really, she was an odious teenager and I just tell her to chalk it up to Mother's Revenge, because, as they say, You Get The Children You Deserve Depending on How YOU Were When You Were Young.
If only we all can live long enough to see it.
I'm glad Marlo was so mellow about it all. That picture you posted? Can eyes get anymore gorgeous?
And, while I'm here and being all verbose, LOVE LOVE LOVE Monetizing the Hate!
99. No. 17 Cherry Tree Lane said:
I would have picked that kid up and wooped him upside the head. No joke.
You are MUCH nicer than I.
100. Curiosity said:
Works on my husband. ;)
101. Anonymous said:
OMG, Marlo is so PERFECT that she didn't even flinch when your nephew whacked her! I wish someone would whack some sense into you!!! You and your PERFECT SELF AND PERFECT KIDS (so WELL BEHAVED and SO SMART - WHATEVER!) is getting REALLY OLD!!! I bet if your kids weren't SO PERFECT you'd end up in the looney bin! Maybe you'll end up there anyway (wishful thinking). SOrry, but you are just so annoying!
102. uncouthheathen said:
I don't have kids yet, but I have a nephew who is 7 months old and he is the calmest, most serene baby alive and nothing at all like anyone on our side of the family with our neurosis and general crazy. Nothing rattles him, except, you know, when I hold him. He sleeps from 8pm to 8am, every night which sounds like something I would like to accomplish one day - 12 hours of blissful sleep. I want that baby, because I know when we have kids it's going to be something of a fucking nightmare. I just know it because, well, I probably deserve it.
103. Silindile Ntuli said:
At least your boob drama is now over, nothing more painful than a boob... Adam needs to know little cutie is in town now, but I understand the jealousy.
104. Brooke said:
i've got my own way of making the boys freeze. but i usually have to be drunk, like drunk as i was on friday for my 30th drunk, to do the trick.
105. Amy said:
I always leave your site confused as to whether or not I want children.
106. Bailey said:
I have a couple of nephews who were like that. It was very typical of the older one to run by his crawling baby sister and give her a little kick. He now has a son who is an exact duplicate of him - don't you love karma?!
Hope your boob feels better. I love all the photos in your last post; your family is beautiful!
107. Katrina said:
Sympathies on the clogged duct. My baby is nearly eight months old and I STILL randomly get clogged ducts. Winds me up like nothing else.
108. Sparkless said:
My sister's two boys are both like Adam. Can you imagine having two destrution machines in one house?! I think it's a boy thing.
Glad to hear Marlo wasn't harmed in the "incident."
109. Anonymous said:
That kid is not ok.
110. Victoria said:
"...tiny bit of a Southern accent" No way that's you.
111. Christine said:
I read this post a little too quickly and where it said "eighteen-month-old" I thought it said "eighteen-year-old" so my mouth was hitting the floor thinking "What the hell?" the whole time. Must read a bit slower next time as to not overlook the details.
112. Alex said:
I know this will freak out a lot of people...just get your husband to suck that damn milk out! I couldn't express, the baby was tanked and my boobs were set to explode so I just him to do it. Kinky, but hilarious.
113. Amity said:
You and or your brother should read "We Need to Talk About Kevin." Brings a whole new light to destructive behavior. Not an easy read as a mom, but fascinating . . .
114. Kristi, RN said:
You can't find good luck with a map and a million dollars can you? Good Lord how did you get SHINGLES! and DUCT ISSUES!!!! (notice the four !!!! for good measure) Thanks for not walloping your nephew...I'm sure he'll thank you for it when he's in his teens and his nose is straight and all...to your poor sister in law and brother---I'm sure sorry your son's a heathen...he'll grow out of it I'm sure...there are way too many men who used to be little boys to prove that they do indeed survive it. Hope your various illnesses get "wrapped up" soon.
Also...I would LOVE a comments section on the Hate page...because well, stupidity on that level begs to be ridiculed by more than just you. :-)
115. kim o said:
First of all, I LOVE your blog and check it often to get my fill of "kick ass Heather" and your beautiful family!
Second, I truly feel for your brother as I have a good friend whose daughter is "spirited" and their path has been LONG and HARD but is improving, so there is hope.
Third, I have to say I am concerned with the HATE page in that while it was interesting to read at first and I am truly amazed by these "haters" and classic Psych 101 "I am SO jealous of your life and your fame I must diss you just to make myself seem worthy" , I think giving them a place front and center in your life invites more pain (i.e. shingles, clogged ducts, etc.) I am a firm believer in "what you think about, you bring about"...just my little ole opinion :)
p.s. I LOVE the way you dress Leta and your support of those who have their own businesses via ETSY.
116. the niffer said:
The more I hear about Marlo's temperament the more I get my hopes up that this #2 (due in November) will be an easier baby than #1 (who got the screamy gene like Leta).
117. Anonymous said:
Heather, the very fact that Marlo took this whack so peacefully is proof that you and Jon are good parents. You've got her convinced that the world is a good place, no overly self-protective action required for the occasional bump! Congrats, and good job. :o)
118. California Divorced Will said:
These things happen. Mastitis is terribly painful. I developed it from a clogged milk gland early after my first child and it was terrible. Glad to see things worked out.
119. Amy said:
Maybe we can all learn something from Marlo...when someone is awful to us, we turn the other (dimpled) cheek.
120. Snaptress said:
Ahhh I can't wait to be a mommy blogger. I'm writing about fake butts in Vegas for now, but I can't wait to write about moments like these. Funny- memorable. Thanks for sharing!
121. Jody said:
I just have one question:
How do you have time for all this while you are starring on "Mercy"?
I caught the end of it the other day and all I could think was, "That actress looks just like Heather Armstrong."
122. Lily said:
Heather,
I didn't read you until fairly recently - but I just wanted to tell you again - Monetize the Hate is both amazing and hilarious. It makes me like you all the more. Now I get to read you AND the crazy things people write in response to you. I hope you're making tons of money on it!
123. Lisa said:
Sounds like that kid needs a good spanking...or better yet...when he breaks something, his parents should break something of his!
Did you watch "Modern Family" last week?!
124. Kathleen @ ForgingAhead said:
Marlo is an angel! Clearly ya'll have figured which way Adam blows. Scary kid.
125. Hope said:
Shingles, shut-up breasts and slamming newborns - baby, you are getting it from all sides.
Thanks for sharing with all of us.
126. jacki said:
you're really annoying to read when high.
127. Wendy said:
Hey Heather:
Sorry to hear about your boob. Glad to hear it cleared up fast. I recently had a painful bout with mastitis - 2.5 years after I last breastfeed. It definitely felt like mastitis from the get-go, but to be safe, I had a mammogram, ultrasound, and biopsy. So, take the pain of mastitis and add the make-you-cry pain of putting your boob in a vice grip then jamming a needle in it. And they had to do two rounds of it. Thank god it was nothing, but wowsers, I'd almost rather go through labor again.
128. Chriss said:
I can only hope that I have the opportunity to say in a conversation some day, "Like, you seem to be upset! How about we take a break from that and look at how cute I am!"
LMAO
129. Brenda said:
Marlo has that..."turn the other cheek" down already. Good start.
My sister and I had a rule... I get to dicipline your kids when I see them doing something they shouldn't and you get to do the same to mine. Ya... couldn't get my sis-in-law on board....and her boys were the worst. But don't touch her little angels! But she would smack mine or my sisters when she felt that they were out of line to her boys. The world is not fair!
130. Checks said:
I'm glad we just celebrated birthdays 20 and 22 last week. There's something magical about infants, but it sure is a lot easier when they are older.
131. Anonymous said:
#62 - Yep, TMI. Boobs and nursing are icky and gross and ladies should be embarrassed to even have them. And let's not even get started on vaginas, or as I call them, lady shame caves. It's really a dark day when women start discussing their shared experiences and helping each other out.
132. Meredith said:
Dude! Do they have toddler wrestling? Or boxing? Because that is a kid who needs an outlet.
133. bitchphd said:
I read this post out loud to my son, who is 8, and who is a lot like Adam. He (my son, not Adam) laughed like a hyena the entire time. Tell your brother I feel his pain.
134. Lynda said:
YIKES! Blocked ducts suck! ...While reading, I thought your nephew was going to come over and grab your breast! OUCH! (Not that hitting Marlo was any better...).
TAKE CARE!
135. MamaLana said:
Today's photo of Marlo is just lovely! Feel better soon, dear.
136. Leah said:
Ha! My firstborn was likeAdam. We called him "Jonas Search And Destroy". It was unreal, and I am quite familiar with the rocking in the corner and the clawing and rending of ones clothing. And the humiliation- OH THE HUMILIATION.
After that I birthed two beautiful, sweet Marlos, who charm the world and make everything seem so EASY.
And I medicated Jonas.
137. Jackie said:
Heather she is soo cute!
Also all the asshole who choose to attack your children (one of whom is dressed very cute and obviously has no learning disabilities) have very sad lives.
P.S. I'm from small town Oklahoma and was raised to disagree with everything you say, but I absolutely love your site! Thanks for doing what you do!
138. abolknitter said:
Holy catshit batman! Dude... can I say that "the boys will be boys" crowd should rethink that plan...
Good for you for not bitch slapping the beastie back! You are a better woman than I...
139. Andie said:
Boys. They are crazy but oh so loveable. My youngest had a personal vendetta against lamps when he was younger. He couldn't walk by one w/o pushing it to the ground. Tell your brother they do eventually outgrow it.
a.
P.S Glad your feeling better
140. Surge said:
Marlo's reaction owns.
141. kristin k said:
haha #62!! Heather never said she was a lady!
142. jlene18 said:
I have to give hope to those who are having boys: not ALL boys are like this, and, in fact, most of the ones I've known are VERY decent. While boys can be rougher than girls, even my mother was shocked when I told her this story (I'm the oldest of 4, the two boys are the youngest two)...she was worried that maybe the child had Autism or ADD (she works with Special Needs children in an Elementary school). I've only known ONE boy to act this way - and it appears that Adam doesn't have the same problem that this boy I knew had (lack of discipline) - though they boy I knew didn't have this problem around me (he hit me ONCE, and got a clear lesson on why you don't hit girls - especially ones who know how to defend themselves). I have to be honest and say I would have smacked him upside the head before he knew what hit him, so you're a MUCH more restrained woman than I!
As far as the clot goes, my mom and I extend our sympathies...we've both been there, and when you say PARALYZING...I hope your friend takes that word to heart! lol Glad it's better though!
143. tina said:
A weird, miraculous remedy for clogged milk ducts: Stick a nice big fresh cabbage leaf inside your bra for a couple hours, or as long as you can stand smelling cabbage-y. I don't think anyone knows why it works, but it somehow helps draw things out, like some kind of cabbage-breast milky magnetism. Really! And that leaf, when it first comes out of the fridge and onto your poor inflamed boob -- ahh! And they fit so nicely, too. They almost seem made for this purpose. Plus, you get to tell people you have cabbage in your bra.
Love your blog -- here by way of bphd.
144. Julie said:
My best friends children are exactly the same as Adam. And now it's got to the point that I wont have them over because they will climb on my white lounge and break everything. I also wont take mine to her house as her son lays into my daughter.
She constantly tells me how LUCKY I am to have kids that don't climb and don't hit. And to that I say Bullshit (internally) I would never say this directly to her. But, my kids don't climb because whenever I saw them climbing I stopped it in no uncertain terms. I put safety gates up. I told my son. If I ever catch you climbing into your sisters crib I will smack you so hard on the bottom.
I gave him a baby doll before my daughter was born and taught him how to treat a baby. And told him he could never pick her up or hurt her or he would get a smack. He has never hit, pushed or bitten his sister. He wouldn't dream of it. He loves her and always wanted to look after her. I also had babysitting help so I could do things one on one with my son. Little boys need time and attention and love and smacks for naughty behavior. And a look in your eye that says don't mess with me. I am the boss.
My daughter hasn't needed as many smacks. But occasionally she does and then she will get them. Not abuse just a smack on the bottom or leg and a look that says I will not put up with this behavior. It is not LUCK. What I feel like saying to people with these kids is, "I discipline my kids properly and watch them like a hawk and you don't".
And to those people that saying hitting kids teaches them to hit I say rubbish. My son has NEVER hit anybody unlike all my friends kids who choose not to smack their kids.
145. Miss Behavin said:
What a little shit!
Just wait till Marlo can walk and talk and you tell her about that one time when her cousin thumped her in the head.
That boy better watch his nuts!
146. AprilMay said:
Seriously...what is with all the boy haters? Smack Adam who is a baby himself? Ya'll are NUTS. And as the mom of three boys, I can honestly tell you that most boys are NOT that wild! My oldest son did like to take things apart, but now he is a certified math genius who will make lots of money and hopefully put me in a killer retirement home someday.
On a side note, Marlo is perhaps the most gorgeous baby I've ever seen!.
147. Cherie said:
Adam is 18 months old. His age is measured in MONTHS! Lets not send him down the River Styx just yet...
148. Desi said:
#131 - "Lady shame caves"! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!
149. Bobbie said:
GO MARLO! Somehow, I totally pictured the ending of this and totally pictured Marlo smiling at him, like DUDE, have you seen ME?
150. Aunt LoLo said:
HA! This totally made me laugh out loud!
Ok, I lied - I'm not laughing out loud. My kids are both asleep, and if you think I'm going to wake them up over a Baby Story...you're nuts. But I'm laughing on the inside, okay?
Adam sounds...interesting. ;-) (But, seriously?! No picture of Marlo's dimples here? Not even a little reminder? I'm disappointed. ;-))
To the mamas who are bashing on Adam's mother, I've got a story. I'm a twin, and we're the oldest of 5. When we were babies, we were so good, so ANGELIC, that relief societies all over the STAKE asked my mother to come and teach classes on how to raise children. She told them to have scripture, prayers, put up baby gates, put away all the "no" items, etc.
Two years later, my little brother was born. He wasn't LIKE us.
Mom was never asked to teach another class again.
Turns out, all that time, it was just my uber-perfect sister keeping me in line. Ha! She was good enough for the both of us.
151. Missa said:
As much as I want to give the boy five across the eyes, I know the better (more politically correct, anyway) solution is to stick him in time out and not pay a single mite of attention to him. Hopefully after a few of those, he'll get the idea that hitting/breaking is NOT the way to get attention.
152. Lisa said:
Most adults could probably learn something from Marlo. Actually, it almost reminds me of your Monetize the Hate----she did exactly what you're doing in baby terms :)
153. freckletree. said:
Dude, this is what deep breaths are made of. I have girls myself-- and a few nephews as well. Crazy nephews that jump and climb and don't understand english . . . but the minute they touch one of my little girls . . . I'll be reaffirming: that's what deep breaths are made of.
BTW, I've never heard of the River Styx, but it sounds like an awesome place to send a reckless little boy. The band Styx has always sucked (heck yes, they did-- and STILL DO!!) and maybe that river will teach him to straighten up or COME SAIL AWAY, COME SAIL AWAY, COME SAIL AWAY WITH ME . . .
154. Joseph said:
What a terror how do you do it?
155. Nicole said:
That little Adam is way too young to incur this much wrath. I know we're all mesmerized by Marlo, but he's practically a baby himself. He's clearly got his R&D department working in overdrive.
Luckily, the great thing about raising a boy is watching him change. Adam will, too. He will defy this whole pattern. It's just what some of them do. My baby brother who was horrible as a small child is amazing amazing amazing now.
That said, Marlo is beautiful. Totally breast-worthy. And it's good to see that her head is as protective and strong as it is delightful.
156. Rita said:
Is it wrong that I'm looking a the latest picture of Marlo (Marlene? Maria? Moby?) and thinking "The spice must flooowwwww"....
Insane cuteness. How do you stand it? I would die a million deaths every day. :o)
157. Miranda said:
I had mastitis...and then it turned into a staph infection and I had to get a 4cm deep hole cut out of my boob. Pray that doesn't happen! But man, after I got out of surgery I felt soo good. I even made a lactation nurse who told me before surgery that I should still nurse...and I said "YOU THINK I CAN NURSE WITH THIS!" And flashe her my boob that had a HUGE black boil on it. Yeah she cried. And then that boob got retired...And you know what? I'm thinking if I ever have another kid, I don't think I'm going to use that boob.
Oh and crazy cousins. At least he didn't do what my nephew did to his sister when she was two months old. He stomped on her face with his shoes on...
Sorry, totally not meaning to "one-up" you on here! I second the emotion that Marlo is wonderful!
158. nyperso said:
I had a friend who trained her kids to say "it doesn't hurt" and just brush it off when they fell (small booboos, not the major stuff obviously). It felt a little weird to say "You're OK" to them rather than "OMG, are you OK?" but it was amazing how they really did seem to just move on and made me wonder how much of our pain reaction is learned. Maybe Marlo illustrates something similar.
On another, and silly, point. Every time I read the hate page I think: Heather, do you ever fall over in gratitude at the thought that so many people take time out of their obviously busy and highly successful lives to give you free medical advice about Leta's "condition"? Jesus.
159. Amanda said:
Marlo's reaction reminds me of my 6 month old daughter. Grinning from ear to ear is how she handles everything! A wonderful quality in a person, I say.
160. Jill said:
Ah, yes. My newborn just got into his first brawl, too. Today, in fact. The culprit? His 18 month old cousin Lucy. The weapon? Moo, Baa, La, La, La by Sandra Boynton. My baby screamed but shot what can only be described as a triumphant look at Lucy when I picked him up. He wears the angry red welt on his head with pride.
My name is Jill, but Lucy calls me Jew. For three straight hours today I had this exact conversation:
"Jew? Jew? JEWWWW!!!!!"
"Yes, Lucy?"
"Hi Jew."
Priceless.
161. Another mundane taint licking ass kisser said:
Marlo is the cutest and is going to be SO lucky to inherit Leta's adorable clothes ;)
Also, I love the new Hate page - I read it as often as I read Dooce.com (and Blurb - hollah Jon!)I can't believe the things people say to/about you and your family.
I'm so glad to add to the page views.
162. Cathy Carey said:
Three cheers for Marlo, so cool, so collected, so cute!
Adam however I would be tempted to lock in a room for a few years - that little dude has some serious "lack of attention problems" as in if I'm bad then people will give me attention, it doesn't matter that it's good or bad it's attention.
163. Cathy Carey said:
Three cheers for Marlo, so cool, so collected, so cute!
Adam however I would be tempted to lock in a room for a few years - that little dude has some serious "lack of attention problems" as in if I'm bad then people will give me attention, it doesn't matter that it's good or bad it's attention.
164. carla said:
Just wanted to say both of your daughters have beautiful eyes.
165. mj said:
Before becoming a mom, I never thought there was much of a difference b/n little boys and little girls (well, besides the obvious). Anywhose, THERE IS A VERY BIG DIFFERENCE, and you just described it!
166. SAHM: Surviving Assorted Home Mayhem said:
A big "yikes!" on your nephew's behavior toward Marlo. So glad you didn't end up with mastitis and SHINGLES! at the same time...that would be ridiculous. (blog fodder, natch, but still ridiculous.)
167. Sarah said:
I love monetizing the hate. That is a masterpiece. I laugh and laugh. You are a bigger woman than I for being able to put up with that shit and laugh at it.
168. Aidyl said:
I was watching Mercy the other night and I too thought the actress, Taylor Schilling, looked like Heather.
http://www.nbc.com/mercy/images/placeholders/headTaylor.jpg
169. Karen said:
Those EYES!! I love her eyes. People pay money for eyes like that. Hopefully they'll stay like that. Marlo's gonna be a bad ass, watch out!!
170. Abbey said:
Ass-kissing commences now: First, I love your blog & I'm not even a mom. I've got to tell you your kids are absolutely beautiful & their eyes? OMG. Marlo's are so bright & clear & Leta's eyes are insanely beautiful & I was just amazed when you posted that pic with the trees behind her. & now I see your babies every day and my ovaries are going to explode wanting babies so bad.
I started reading your blog just after you had Marlo & then I started reading your archives, especially regarding baby Leta & your depression. Your story is really inspiring. I'm 25 & I've suffered with depression & eating disorders since I was 10. your posts regarding depression, as well as Jon's post about dealing with a depressed partner, really pushed me to get back on medication. & I started on an SSRI in August & I'm so totally a lot better than I was. I had to decrease, though, because I was pregnant. I just had a miscarriage so i'm going to increase the dose again soon.
And I totally have this horrible desire to compile all of your hate mails into one giant hate mail. I find it hilarious and quite sad that people complain that you are so narcistic. Isn't this blog about your life? That's just so strange to me. Why don't people just stop reading your blog if they don't like you? I guess it's hard to hear sarcasm & exageration in print, but, my god, you are Queen Sarcaseration & if people don't get that they should probably just go back to reading something that isn't so complex, like Curious George or a children's bible.
171. Anonymous said:
#155 Nicole is right - Adam's R&D Department is working on overdrive. I've worked with 12-18 month olds for a while now. There are two areas of development that are particularly interesting to them: 1. Gross motor - pushing, pulling, climbing, hitting, throwing, etc. & 2. Sensorial - Hey! This thing smells! Jingles! Screams! Smashes! Bangs! Squishes! etc., if I do x to it! (And after so many experiments, even my dog would know the more delicate items will bring the more satisfying reactions, both from the sound & look of the destruction of the item, to the faces & sounds of the adults in the room.)
Kids this age do things we consider safe & innocent AND things we know to be dangerous & destructive over & over again because they are learning things we take for granted - basic cause & effect, gravity, etc. If we're consistent with the rules we lay out for them, they also learn social laws - what's acceptable & what's not. Of course they're going to look at you for your reaction before they try something. They want to know if the results are the same as they were the last time & the time before that.
In our classrooms, we try to look at what developmental need the child is trying to meet with their destructive behavior & offer them a safe alternative. The vast majority of the time, it works like a charm, even with the "beastly" ones.
Please reassure your brother that Adam is a perfectly normal 18 month old little boy. He is not a bad kid. On the contrary, he is aggressively exploring the world around him. If he were at any other age & hitting the appropriate developmental milestones in the same way, people would talk about how smart he was. So unfair that this particular age often goes misunderstood.
172. Holly said:
So sorry about the ouchie ta-ta's...the newest picture or Marlo is absolutely gorgeous, by the way.
173. Holly said:
All of those who are ready to "smack" Adam and think there is something wrong with him...you do realize he is 18 months old, right? He's a baby. Pretty sure his folks don't need to look into military boarding school just yet.
Absolutely love your blog!
174. Anonymous said:
Clogged ducts are the WORST. The Thermacare heating pads that stick to your skin are great for those, at the first sign; and also a lactation consultant advised me to take Lecithin supplements--and I have had zero clogged ducts since then. Gotta take care of those girls!
175. Missives From Suburbia said:
Good girl... she's learning early to kill 'em with kindness. Revenge will come later.
176. Shona said:
Just finished reading 'Monetizing the Hate'. Cannot believe people say such horrible horrible things about your kids. I'm mean, saying it about you is bad enough, but you're an adult and realize what risks you put yourself out there to. Your children are beautiful and precious. How can people be so cruel? How can you handle it? It's a truly sick and miserable person that can actually write and send comments like that about a little girl--even if they're just doing it to hurt you (which is whole 'nother level of disturbed).
177. residualliquor said:
Oh man... not even going to comment on the blocked boob thing. I have not had children but have seen enough evidence from sisters and friends to know how horrible this is. I can only imagine what that pain feels like.
On to said sister's kids though... there is something about boys. They can be so aggressive (yes, girls can be too) but boys? Wow, that was something I was not prepared for. I came from a family of three sedate girls... we were polite, wore dresses, had our hair in french braids, and rarely saw any sort of physical force, unless one of us stole the other's jeans or sweater and tried to return it without notice, except that it was doused in the undeniable evidence of cigarette smoke (sorry Christine). The random acts of violence that are perhaps just natural in people were so foreign to me until my nephew came along. For the longest time I thought there was something innately wrong with him, until I saw other boys doing the same. Only then did I realize why our world is ruled by men :)
Kudos to Marlo for sticking it to him.
178. Dee said:
Heather, there is something increasingly real and grounding about you, and as much as I hate admitting this, I'm really getting what you're about. I've definitely hit some walls in my years of following your blog, but . . . your honesty reaches people, and all the tough stuff you've shared about Leta that has often left me feeling very badly for her . . . although I have disagreed with making that so public, your posts have no doubt helped countless parents who are dealing with the shame and challenge of similar experiences. I'm not sure you can do wrong in my eyes anymore, because you're writing about your life. How can I question your life, your family, your experiences? That you bacon-wrap what you share in humor deflates some of the celebrity and makes you accessible and (there's that word again) . . . real. Thanks for the consistency. I don't think you've ever waivered off that course. This here blog, it's good stuff, and on days like today (rough, rough, rough), I appreciate the raw honesty. Makes me feel human and unashamed of my own stuff.
179. jill said:
I'm always just happy when it isn't my child doing the hitting :)
And my third (age 1) has a very similar temperament, with the smiling at being smacked. It's glorious, especially in a third child who will obviously be attacked numerous times a day by this brother (age 2).
180. Lily Hydrangea said:
that sounds like a very difficult situation that Miss Marlo handled with total aplomb.
I love how your brother realizes the humor of the human wrecking ball & is willing to share the story. I can see your humor runs in the family.
Glad you are feeling better too.
181. Jamie said:
I am laughing so hard!
182. Anonymouse said:
Danielle writes, in part, "Luckily Marc is 8 now and no longer goes on "seek and destroy" missions (mostly doesn't anyway) but when he was 12 months until about 4 I could barely leave the house."
People who keep their exceptionally difficult children home are saints and Danielle, while I'm sorry you had to restrict your life to rear him, I thank you for doing it. You saved any number of patrons at grocery stores, restaurants, and other public venues from yet another experience ruined by someone else's child.
To Adam's dad: good luck!
183. Alyssa said:
are you people serious? ive read some of heathers hate mail and its ridiculous. You are all grown adults and have nothing better to do with your time or what? Heather, i strongly disagree with more than half of the stuff you write, but i still read your blog because you are a good writer. No one asked any of you to come to this site and read it, no one asked you to support her. You tell her to get a job, This is her job, you are GIVING HER her job. This is basically a public journal so of course sh'd write aboout shingles, and how her baby got clocked upside the head. AND OF COURSE SHE'D SAY WONDERFUL THINGS ABOUT HER CHILD.. ITS HER BLOG. idiots. Heather, you are a wonderful writer and contunue what you do! Its pretty sad that im 19 yrs young and telling grown adults to grow up! ha!
184. Genie said:
My 16 month old girl routinely gets smacked and pushed down by a little boy in her play group who is a couple of months older. My girl is a sweet girl with a sensitive personality - it doesn't take much to make her cry. Had she been Marlo, she'd still be crying over the smack. I'm sure that some sort of discipline ensued because I really can't see you just sitting there being all happy about it.
My issue with my daughters play mate is that the mom doesn't do much in the way of discipline... she takes him away and tells him to be nice but... One year olds can and do learn consequences and are actively seeking boundaries. If my daughters bully would be placed in time out or SOMETHING I would be more OK with it (kids will be kids) but it is frustrating that the mom doesn't think that there is anything that she can do.
I could be more sensitive because I was the victim to very cruel teasing and taunting all through school, in the days before Columbine back when schools didn't realize that they should do anything. I won't stand idly by and watch my daughter be tormented, at any age, like I was.
185. mandy said:
parenting! here i come.
186. Marcheline said:
What you described isn't cute, it isn't "boy" behavior - there's an anger problem there, which if it isn't dealt with, is going to turn into beaten classmates, girlfriends, and wives on down the road.
The fact that he would hurt a baby - you need to keep a serious eye on this kid, especially at family get-togethers where people might not always have their eyes open. He's doing it in front of people now, but stuff like this goes underground and gets worse. Don't ever take your eyes off Marlo if he's around! Better yet, don't let him near Marlo again until she's big enough to deliver a right hook.
This post gave me the weebers - ever see that movie "The Good Son"? Maybe you oughta check it out sometime. Seriously.
187. Jessie said:
Oh Heather... first you're not grateful at all for your life and you're so spoiled, why don't you try showing some appreciate for the life you lead... and now? Now everything in your life is perfect, including the SHINGLES! and the DUCT ISSUES!!!! and NONE OF US want to hear about how wonderful your life is... wow.
My cousin was like Adam from day one. Now we're 23 and a few years ago he was still sitting on me to "teach me a lesson" (he's like.. 250/300 lbs.). Some of them definitely don't grow out of it..
Your kids are adorable, and as someone firmly in the "I will never have children. Ever." camp, your website is the best form of birth control; thanks for telling it as it is!
188. Jessie said:
Oh Heather... first you're not grateful at all for your life and you're so spoiled, why don't you try showing some appreciation for the life you lead... and now? Now everything in your life is perfect, including the SHINGLES! and the DUCT ISSUES!!!! and NONE OF US want to hear about how wonderful your life is... wow.
My cousin was like Adam from day one. Now we're 23 and a few years ago he was still sitting on me to "teach me a lesson" (he's like.. 250/300 lbs.). Some of them definitely don't grow out of it..
Your kids are adorable, and as someone firmly in the "I will never have children. Ever." camp, your website is the best form of birth control; thanks for telling it as it is!
189. Anonymous said:
Hey I would love some photo editing tips too sometime!!!
Love the picture of little miss. In no time she will be telling the boys to settle down, read a book and behave! :p
Speaking of boobs... those little gums on Marlo just made me twinge... just remembering the pain in the early days and the jaws/gums of life. Owwww. Now you could drop a anvil on them and they would be fine... but maybe that was too much info...
190. Anne said:
Best attitude ever. We all need to learn from Marlo. She is a keeper.
191. Katherine said:
And this is what assures me that Marlo and Leta are, indeed, two of the coolest kids EVER.
192. Anonymous said:
Ps. I hate the hate page! Take it down! lol Does this qualify as hate mail? Will I end up there!? lol I just don't like it... I like to just read the blog and that's that. I never knew there was so much drama going on and I kinda liked being in the dark.
193. Darleya said:
Thank God little Marlo wasn't hurt! That little monster...I'm sure he'll grow out of it. I can't get over your two daughters eyes. They have such big expressive eyes. So beautiful.
All the best, and I hope your misfortunes have ceased ;)
194. Keldex said:
I have a son the exact age as Marlo and I somehow am able to temper my need to gush. You? Not so much. Is it your right to do so, especially on your own blog? You bet. But I think it needs to be said that not everyone who finds the whole "Marlo's dimples shall bring world peace" thing to be cringe-worthy is a "hater." I come here for the writing - and for the gritty reality of what you brought to the page. Now I feel like it is all sunshine and lollipops and, lest we forget, DIMPLES. And maybe that is the reality of your life at the moment. But it is becoming a bit too sugary for my taste - and I have quite the sweet tooth. But I am a big girl - I will just look for the posts that don't contain the word "DIMPLES." Not sure I will find any for a very long time.
195. Jean said:
Lets not be mean to Adam, little guy is just a little guy. Lets be mean to the grown up people that say mean things about Heather's kids, which is out of bounds. If you don't like Heather, fine, but leave the kids out of it.
196. webcat74 said:
I felt my face turn red when you said it. I would have lost my shit right there.
Heather, regarding #194, people said the same thing when you had Leta, that you'd gone soft.
If Dooce uses the words "buffalo vagina" in a post, a letter to her daughters, no less, then I don't see that the grit is gone. I'm not a mommy-mobster or worshipper or whatever they're calling regular readers these days. No attacks here, I'm not down with all that stuff. Just my opinion, humble though it be.
197. armonia ( Harmony) said:
I am a fan ! but I have to tell you your hate page scares me to bits.. they are full of nutsos!!
198. Kate said:
LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL @ "AND SMASHED IT!" love it!
199. armonia ( Harmony) said:
something else.. I wonder why people only were happy to read your blog when things were hard and dark, I'm very happy to read your happy blogs too! it also gives me plenty of hope because my baby girl (now 7 months) is somewhat similar as Leta was as a baby, your life now and the thought of a second child to me is now a happy posibility, when 3 months ago was a definite NEVER. I now have hope for what a second child may be,, I thank you for that.
no matter what the haters say, go eat cake!!
200. Rachael said:
Has your brother ever considered putting his son in a structured sport like karate? You said that his behavior was dealt with when you were there but is it dealt with at home? If he's so destructive does mom or dad deal with it when he goes on a rampage or do the just say o there he goes again and cleans up the mess once he's finished? I know that the instructor would teach that hitting outside of the mat is a big no no and they would work on having a good/positive attitude. When my brother played football in school he was terrified when he was told that whatever bad thing he had done was going to be told to the coach. He knew that the coach would be disappointed in him and he would make him work harder and longer as punishment. He was so exhausted afterwards that he could not think of doing anything wrong and he was begging for bed. A blessing for me since he tormented me constantly. All of the kindergardeners that were in karate when I was teaching looked up to and loved their instructors. Those same children were rarely called on for hitting/pinching/tantrums. Something to consider.
201. Jane said:
I have had mastisis, too. Ouch. Not from feeding a kid though (no kids) but a mammogram. Ouch. Ouch. Thank goodness for antibiotics.
I'm sure Marlo & Adam will play nicely together in a couple of years.
PS Hoping this is post #200!!
203. Anne said:
First, my sympathies on the clogged duct. I nursed two kids and am getting ready to nurse a third, and man do those clogged ducts hurt. Someone once told me to fill a newborn diaper with really really warm (hot) water and wrap it around the boob. Helped immensely!
Second- I have girls. But I have nephews, and it is true- they are just a totally different breed. My youngest nephew is 18 months old and he will wait until someone is looking at him, make eye contact, and then throw whatever is in reach to the ground. We also have a family member who has a 2 and a half year old boy, and he was the kind who hit/pushed/bit other kids. Both of my girls cried the first few times they got a whack, or a push, and then after that the little boy would be the one crying and my girls would know nothing about it. Girls are SNEAKY. Boys might be destructive, but at least they are honest about it.
204. yieldtomaturity said:
Goodness gracious, Marlo is so adorable, and Leta seems to become prettier every day!
About monetetizing the hate though. Dude. I read it, but only because I'm astonished at what people write, and how they have the time to actually come up with such negative comments. I don't understand why they keep coming back, or what sort of gratification they receive. I think it really sucks that such people should leave you messages like this on a regular basis, and I admire that you seem to take it quite well. They obviously lack the confidence you have, and aren't having as great of a life as you are. The jealousy is mind-boggeling and really quite sad.
So keep up the good work. I think you're doing a fantastic job, and hold a proudness in my heart for you and your whole family. You all get through thick and thin like the rest of us, but still carry a special strength with you that allows you to keep going despite such comments. This is a feat that I reckon a lot of other people wouldn't have been able to handle. So good on you, congratulations, and I look forward to reading more in the future!
xx
205. Miz Booshay said:
Love her sweet little attitude!
The picture of her grow up self....biggest eyes I have ever seen.
I use to look at my little Katie and think her eyes were unbelievably huge....your Marlo's make her look like a mole.
Gorgeous!!!
206. Sheila said:
Hi Heather,
My son is now 13 but when he was young he acted like your nephew. I'm sure your brother does not condone his behavior. My son is now the kindest, most gentle boy I know. He loves helping with his younger cousins and is great with animals.
207. Jean said:
Marlo's gonna grow up to break a lot of hearts. But really, do you have the best baby ever or what?
208. Neg said:
I LOVE THIS POST!
This exact scenario drove me to drinking. I never drank. Religion and personal philosophy kept me away for 28 years until one Christmas where my husband's cosine’s 2 year old devil’s seed acted just like this.
I had it!
I saw his parents give up long time ago and I swore not to have kids just to avoid seeing this monster again in anyway shape or form.
We ended the evening going to his aunt’s house miles away from this beast and his carnage and I told my brother in law to pour me a strong one.
It is now 3 years ago, I am now 4 months pregnant and repent every pain caused to my human peers during my upbringing just to avoid this sentence.
209. Changing bags UK said:
Marlo is a never ending source for story-telling, oh, and so are your body parts- great post (sorry you had to suffer from clogged booby though!)
210. WebSavyMom said:
-->I think my instant reaction would have been to shove that kid backwards away from my baby. I don't think timeout would cut it either but a serious spanking from his parents. Good for Marlo in rolling with the punches...literally.
211. mss said:
I find it distressing how many people rush to the conclusion that boys are just like that. Boys are not different than girls. People are individuals. I have a son and he's sweet and mild-mannered without an aggressive bone in his body. He loves building things--not destroying them.
If you expect a group of people to behave a certain way, they are going to try their best to live up to expectations. Thus the people who think boys are so different (not you, Heather or your relatives--I mean the commenters) are in subtle ways encouraging aggressive and destructive behavior. They may even think such behavior is "manly".
Worse, such "boys are so different" attitudes morph into the more dangerous excuse for anti-social and misogynistic behavior--the classic excuse, "Well boys will be boys."
No way! Boys should be held up to the same standard of socialization as girls. I'm sure with patience, consistent discipline, and proper outlets for his energy that Adam can become a fine person.
212. jive turkey said:
Oh, man. This happened to us over the summer when my daughter was Marlo's age, and the culprit? An 18-month old. What is it about that age? Our Baby Terminator was a girl, though, and her weapon: a sandal. She saw her Dad holding another little girl and proceeded to WEAR IT OUT the side of my daughter's face with her Stride Rite. My baby started screaming and I don't know how my head didn't explode, but I managed to hold it together. Yowza.
213. Zoey said:
As someone who reportedly hit my brother upside the head when he was still a baby, I feel Adam's pain. Apparently my brother reacted much the same way that Marlo did - more surprise than anything else. It all works out in the end - once I'd gotten over being a little green monster - I realised that not only was he super cute but as his older sister I could use him as a human doll. Things improved from there and as the baby of the family he's always been spoiled rotten, especially by me.
214. NY,NY said:
Can't wait to read the hate on this one.
215. Meredith said:
Wow, she handled that one pretty well. On the other hand, I would be seriously spastic. In fact, this does not help me with the whole "how is my 2.5 year old going to respond to her baby brother?" issue. No, madam! Not one little bit! I might just need to hide under my desk for a bit.
216. Wendi said:
Marlo is beautiful, Leta is gorgeous and obviously very bright, love your writing, very happy that you're in a happy place and are sharing it with us. I tend to be neutral about you, not a worshipper and not a hater, even though I disagree with a lot of what you say. But I come back because I enjoy your story telling.
Here's what I don't get about the hate page even though Jon tried to explain it on Twitter. If you want to publish the hate mail you get and let all the world read the horrible things, and some of this stuff is REALLY horrible, people say about you, that's fine. You're an adult, your right to do so, have at it. But I've read some really disturbing things being said about your children, things only really disturbed people would say. And I truly don't get why you would put those things out there to live forever on the internet. Sure, the kids don't know what's being said about them now, but they will one day. Is making a point and calling these people out, especially considering how futile that is because you're really only feeding the hate and generating more hate, worth Leta someday reading that she has a huge forehead and may be somewhat "retarted"? I don't get it.
217. Keely said:
Gotta love Marlo's resilience.
I nanny for a 5 year old dude and his 18 month old sis- when she first came on the scene he would surreptitiously extend an arm and shove her backwards, forwards, on her forehead, whatever, under the guise of "I tripped!" After awhile she would adopt this leaning back-kinda wince every time he would "trip" by. He stopped. This year.
And as someone who's due in 5 weeks, I can only hope for a same such tolerant kiddo- 'cause the baby will be coming to work with me! (Eh, kids are resilient. I have younger twin sibs that I used to dress up and leave on shelves while I went outside to ride my bike. We're quite close now.)
Finally- I agree. Sunshine n' roses cannot be applied to a posting that also clearly prints "buffalo vagina." It's a conflict of interest. Or anatomy.
Finally FINALLY, the 'captcha' I get to type is "retinas fabulous." Thanks!
218. Kelly said:
18-mos old child acts out, tests boundaries, news at 11.
People aren't very careful readers are they? Or they are unreasonable about their moral expectations of children. I prefer my first interpretation. The second one scares.
But Leta and Marlo reminds me of my friends' first two children. Her first boy was very anxious and high strung even as a baby but the second channels his inner surfer-dude constantly. #1 learned his ABCs before he figured out that walking thing. #2 pretends he doesn't know anything.
219. Well Read Hostess said:
I like to think of myself as reasonably well in control and not entirely impulsive (especially when I'm appropriately medicated). Also, I'm 41, so, you know, I (theoretically) know better.
Nevertheless I can't say for certain that I wouldn't just smash a bird figurine for no reason in front of its owner either.
No judgment on you and your bird figuring THANG, but bird figurineS (plural - en masse) might just incite me to smashing.
220. Jenny Moyer said:
Great post. I can totally relate to that!
Thanks for a great and entertaining blog,
Jenny
221. DoobyLove said:
Marlo should run for president! Right now!
222. Hannah said:
I really just wanted to comment on the new photo of Marlo. She looks like a totally different baby now! Did you trade her in for a new model? ;) She's looking a lot more like Leta now, too.
223. Eddeaux - The One and Only said:
Haha. I love reading your capitalized parts out loud trying to duplicate the anger and southern accent. I do this while at Starbucks... probably why I'm still single.
Also, I just looked at that photo of Marlo and her big blue eyes. Those eyes alone are the reason why people should procreate. That blue is so beautiful that if I could, I would strip the world of all other color and replace it with just those shades of blue.
224. Amanda Patchin said:
Why do ya'all keep talking about how "boys are a mean like that" or "they sure are a different breed." Some boys are aggressive and some aren't, and I've met some downright mean and violent little girls. Most kids are trained out of that kind of awful behavior and their parents are saints if they manage it well but let's not gender-stereotype too much ok?
225. rebecca said:
since i can't comment on the photo page-your girls have the most beautiful eyes! i know they may be a little fudge with photoshop but ugh!!! they are irresistible!
226. LLL lady said:
Info about relieving plugged ducts a lifesaver for me-
http://www.llli.org/NB/NBMarApr07p76.html
Info on gentle discipline -
http://www.llli.org/NB/NBMayJun05p94.html
I know, I know, sounding all preachy, but hopefully this might help some parents NOT hit their children, and teach their kids NOT to hit others!
Parents can talk about the basic emotions with their kids "You feel mad/sad/bad/glad" and see where it leads - give them the words when they're too wound up or too young to express themselves.
Love your blog, loved your book.
227. tlf said:
LOVE michelle w's new haircut and i think it will look fabulous on you... the key is the short bang, love! would you ever consider giving us a tutorial on how to use twitter? i'm on twitter, i follow you and jon and love it but FOR THE LOVE OF MARY i can't figure out how to reply/comment, ect. I'VE TRIED!!! would love it if you could walk us through it. the FAQ's on twitter are very vague. xoxo
228. Candice said:
First off I have no kids so my opinion doesn't really count but a friend of mine believes kids are born evil and it is the parents duty to make sure they grow up worthy of going to whatever they believe heaven to be.
After this story I think perhaps you get 2 kinds of kids - Marlo (already suited for heaven) and Adam (Satan's spawn)... Let's hope I get a Marlo when I decide to push a bundle or two out!!
229. katie said:
marlo - i love marlo.
btw - i would have smacked your nephew (omg did she really just say that! but dooce! people shouldn't hit their kids and you should take her comment down because you are just advocating child abuse by leaving it up there!!)being a relation of mine or not - so kudos to you if you managened not to do so.
oh and fyi i said smacked, not beat the blody shit out of him.
give that cute baby a raise! she is amazing.
230. victoria winters said:
Clogged ducts happened to me a lot. Take SOY LECITHIN tablets (3 - 6 a day) - it will prevent clogs because it makes the fat molecules less sticky without changing the quality of the milk (my midwife told me that and it works like a charm!).
231. trisha said:
I have to be honest that you are making me never ever ever want another child again. I couldnt even get through 6 weeks of breastfeeding and like 3 months of pumping without thinking I would rather poke my eyeballs out w/ a hot poker.
trisha
232. Megan C said:
Poor Adam. He's not even two years old and already faceless internet strangers want to tar and feather him.
Not all little boys are hellions. My son is 21 months old and he wouldn't hurt a fly. He's more personable and sweeter than most little girls his age. He is always very gentle with little babies. He loves going out and we can take him anywhere, even restaurants!
233. Tabitha (From Single to Married) said:
oh my! I feel bad for both of you - I can imagine the mom was horrified and that you were frustrated. And I'm a tad bit worried about me since I'm pregnant with my first baby who's a boy and I have no idea what to expect. I certainly hope I don't get that though! :)
234. Marie said:
Heather, thank you! I'm sitting here, suffering from constipation (oops - did I say that on the internet???!!! lol) and I said I'd have a look on Dooce, because reading your words would cheer me up. Not only did they cheer me up but I realised that you are the ONLY, yes the ONLY person in the world right now who can understand what it feels like to have something blocked up, whether it's a boob or some other hole. Ok, well you're the only person in my world right now who can understand, because at the moment my world pretty much consists of my bedroom, and my house after getting my tonsils out last Thursday. And I would gladly go through that a million times instead of having any part of my body blocked up like this!
But it's nice to know someone else has some kind of idea of what it's like
235. Meagan G said:
I am currently dealing with a rather destructive child myself. Not sadistically destructive but she hold her own. My mom calls her "F5" as in a category 5 tornado.. Tell your brother a drink or two never hurt anyone.. and I mean him not the child. Although I have considered it.Just kidding, Knowing my luck my duaghter would be an angry drunk and then I am back a square one...
Anyhow, good for Marlo!
236. JHud said:
Once again, dimples save the day!
Thanks for giving me a reason to laugh daily. Your family is beautiful...go Marlo, go Marlo!!
237. Anne Lindenfeld said:
My "Adam Story":
When my son and his best friend (our next door neighbor's kid), Miss M, were about that age, Miss M was the female version of Adam. She was just pissed off at the world and anyone who got in her way. My son, on the other hand, was about as aggressive as Ghandi asleep. The kids spent most days together, and we all just kind of rolled with whatever mayhem happened.
One day, at about that golden 18 mos point, Miss M became enraged with my son for flagrantly playing with a toy she suddenly wanted (the nerve), and whacked him so hard over the head with it that he staggered and was dizzy for some time. Miss M spent a good long time out in the corner with the mommy glare treatment. Son was comforted. Life went on; craniums developed.
Gradually, Miss M grew into a lovely, kind, compassionate child. My son developed massive learning disabilities and had a hard time learning to speak. It was Miss M who never wavered in helping him -- from reading him books to defending him on the playground when kids teased him. The two of them (now teens) are good friends to this day. Miss M is a treasure -- though she had some darn terrible beginings.
238. charlotte said:
Yep. Little Miss Kickboxer got a heavy toy thrown at her face at daycare when she was about Marlo's age. And even with a black eye, she smiled at the offender.
His parents, BTW, have not apologized to me at all, and it's been 6 months.
239. Karen said:
Oh, the hateful comments that this post is going to generate... I can hardly wait to read them!
BTW, hope you dropped kicked Destructo Nephew into next week.
240. Danielle said:
#144... Your arrogance is stunning. Yes, because everyone who doesn't have children like yours clearly never disciplines. Let me ask you something.
If you were to "stop it in no uncertain terms. Put safety gates up and tell your son, 'If I ever catch you climbing into your sisters crib I will smack you so hard on the bottom.'" and he continues to do it and you follow through every time, then what?
If you "give him a baby doll before your daughter is born and teach him how to treat a baby. And tell him he could never pick her up or hurt her or he would get a smack." and he still does then do you just start beating him harder?
The fact that your child "has never hit, pushed or bitten his sister. He wouldn't dream of it. He loves her and always wanted to look after her," is proof positive that you don't know jack about a child like mine.
I get that you think you are a perfect parent but what you are is presumptuous and judgmental about things you cannot even fathom.
241. Andra said:
#131--unbelievable Why would one waste their time feeling this way or even pretending to? Such a waste...
Great story, Heather! Keep it up! I will continue to exercise my freedom and read your stuff. The reverse, I hear, works just as well :)
242. BOSSY said:
Bossy has no problem imagining anything said through gritted teeth after reading that. Bossy's teeth would be pulverized after such an event. Can your brother say, "Supernanny?"
243. Anonymous said:
As someone said above, it's terrible to hear that so many want to tar and feather Adam.
I had an 18-month old like Adam. He outgrew the hitting, but it took a loooong time. It makes me sad to remember how much some people disliked him when he was a toddler/preschooler (and disdained me by extension).
He's now 11, and although with him virtually every age has been challenging in one way or another, he is in no danger of becoming a sociopath. He is surprisingly gentle with animals and small children, and his 6-year-old brother *adores* him. He remains willful as all get-out, however.
I feel compelled to add that my younger son has been a breeze since the day he was born. We don't parent him any differently than we parented our eldest. They're just different kids.
Mean people suck.
Which brings me to monetizing the hate. I loved the idea at first and thought it was hilarious. But now I fear that you are simply giving mean people a platform from which to spew their garbage. And I must agree with someone who commented yesterday: your replies make me cringe. I think it gives them too much attention. JMHO.
244. bape shoes said:
no problem imagining anything said through gritted teeth after reading that
245. Peggy said:
Hmmmmm...eighteen months you say? Sounds about right.
My baby brother Michael had a bad habit of slapping sleeping people in the face. My aunt called him "Rosemary's Baby"
My daughter, when she was eighteen months old (20 some odd years ago) took after her Uncle Michael. One day I was sleeping on the couch and she picked up her green hard plastic Tonka Truck (yes, she played with trucks...not dolls) and she whacked me upside the head with it. Like I was supposed to NOT EVER SLEEP.
And I quit sleeping until my own demon child passed through her "Rosemary's Baby" phase...
246. Kate from All That Mama Drama said:
I appreciate that you didn't freak out at the nephew. Every family has a kid like that, and at some point, we all stand in the shoes of the parent who wants to curl up in a ball and die from embarrassment over what our child says or does.
Marlo clearly has a disposition of which a mother's dreams are made. Bravo to her for not losing it.
247. David M said:
So the thought is Adam will be your first relative in prison? I realize this is unlikely, since you're from the South, but I thought I'd ask.
(I know. All stereotypes are hateful. I'm ashamed of myself.)
248. Steph TN said:
Dammit Heather one of the girls in my office is pregnant and I was all "aww maybe we should have a baby" and now? No! Clogged milk ducts must be a punishment for having such a cute kid. Owuch!
250. carolyn said:
sigh... well, you said it best how easy it is to anticipate what the nutjobs will send you via email or comments. sheesh, unstable people, calm down.
Glad your duct is better, Ouch, been there, done that!
251. buffy said:
I don't know if anyone has said this yet, seeing as I don't have time to read the 250 comments before me. BUT, I had what felt like 100,000 clogged ducts with my second and the best way I found to deal with them (besides heavy amounts of gin which isn't great for the person drinking the gin soaked milk) is wet heat, like a damp cloth in a zip top bag, and placing the baby's chin toward the clogged duct. She and I had some interesting Twister style nursing sessions, but it helped things clear up super fast. Hope this helps!
252. Liz said:
You may think this is funny, but as the mother of two boys, one of whom was extremely physical from the ages of 1 - 4, this makes me sad. My older son was gentle and kind and never did things like push kids down slides, hit other kids and push his cousin on the floor every time she came near him. It was absolutely awful when my second child ended up like this and despite my efforts, it continued until he was about four. After that, he became one of the nicest people on earth, which he still is today at 14. During this time, I used to feel so mortified by his behavior and tried in every way to change it. He was never really a mean person, just extremely rough and physical. The worst offenders were the mothers of perfectly behaved girls who used to stare and glare at me with disdain as their gentle little girls just sat there and behaved. Before you chastise, try and imagine if you were the parent of the "other" one. It's not only because of bad parenting. Sometimes it just is. And believe me, it's not funny.
253. Bmomma said:
Sorry about the boobage.Hope you're feeling better.
As for Adam, his parents might want to take an active roll in watching their child and intervene prior to detonation. Having four children of my own, I have found over the years that engaging them up front and not after they have bugged you to death, makes for happier, calmer children. That could be playing with him daily or taking him to the park or to an exercise class(to burn off the excess energy), even if for a little while. If they have your attention, or know they are going to have it at some point during the day, they tend not to need to vie for your attention in a harmful, destructive, bad-attention getting sort of way. He needs to know that he is not in charge. Tell your brother to take his balls back from the 18-month old.
254. RhodeyGirl said:
I was bored at work so I just hit edit-find-anon through this whole post. It is really funny to see how different the anonymous comments are from the ones attached to names.
255. Bunnie said:
My nephew was like this and his parents let him get away with it. He's almost 30 now, has a criminal record and is a total prick. My husband predicted when the boy was 5 he was going to be a criminal. When he acted out his parents ignored it and bought him more stuff to try to make him happy.
Another boy I know acted this way as a toddler. His mother would ignore him also when he acted out. I witnessed him throwing stuff around grocery stores and his mother would walk off and leave his older sister to try to control him. This boy dropped out of high school, is now 20 and in the local paper almost every week for being arrested for something like breaking into a store, under age drunk driving or drug stuff.
If my boys acted this way it would have been only ONCE. I would grab them, look them in the eye and let them know that they were never to act that way again or they would have a raging monster as a mother. Then I'd quickly take them, one on one, to do something nice. Letting them know life is so much better when they are nice to people and things. My sons are boys terrific men now and make me proud. Tell your bro to nip this shit in the bud as quick as possible.
256. Mari said:
Okay, bird figurine I can live with. Dude whacked Marlo? Dude whacked Marlo! That kid better lay low for awhile.
257. Jared said:
What about shock collars for kids? Or would that be considered inhumane?
258. RainyDay said:
#186 & 202 - you obviously don't have children of your own. How horrible of you to say that because Adam is an aggressive toddler he's a sociopath!
He's a little boy. A child. And some kids are aggressive, some aren't. I have one of each. Same parenting, different work-in-progress.
Go easy on the poor kid, will ya! His parents are probably harder on themselves then you are, anyway, but they still don't need such nastiness thrown their way.
259. Anonymous said:
Just wondering, if this story was written in a year or so, and Marlo was the little child that hit another baby, would the comments be "You go Marlo! Little Miss Ass-Kicker!" and the like, or would you all be advocating slapping and drop-kicking her, too?
260. Anonymous said:
Your brother better start learning now about parenting a difficult child. I made the mistake of thinking 'Oh, everything will be fine', with mine... who was that same kind of destructive as soon as he learned how to crawl. It never stopped. It got worse, and worse, and worse. 15 years later he's still doing it, and I wonder if he's even going to be able to function in society.
He was later diagnosed with ADHD (the most severe kind)and high functioning autism.
261. Anonymous said:
I don't understand, many commenters are (I hope humorously) suggesting that an 18-month-old baby be beaten or placed in psychiatric care for doing what many babies this age do! Really? Have you had an 18-month-old? Remember, they're largely pre-verbal, easily frustrated little ones, they whack and hit at stuff. It's not indicative of evil or anger even, they're jsut babies themselves. What would you think if you saw an 18-month-old hit another baby in public, and then saw the older child's mother hit him or her for it? I think the majority of you would condemn that, but your comments make me wonder.
262. Ceara said:
Heather, I love how casually you are dealing with this incident. At least on the surface. I can only imagine what my first instinct would have been. Marlo's reaction is great!
I'm just glad my daughter came first. My crazy boy fortunately has a bossy older sister that won't let him get away with anything.
Buffy #251, My midwife told me the same thing about the baby's chin direction helping, and I immediately pictured a duct on the upper side clogged and having to nurse in a push-up position staring at baby's belly button. Twister!!!
263. Poppy said:
Sore boobies is what really terrifies me about having a baby :O
264. Chrissy said:
Way to go, Marlo. Kill 'em with kindness. And dimples!
265. Tobamom said:
While I recognize that a big chunk of the American poulation (those whose kids are BRATS!)will disagree with me, Adam clearly needs a spanking. His parents need to take action and be the adults. Good for you (and Marlo) for not losing it. If your brother and his wife ever leave Adam alone at your house you can get even. :)
266. y.sosa said:
just wanted to say that Marlo's eyes are mesmerizing :)) <3
267. Figtron said:
I will never forget the first time my niece's daughter acted out toward my then innocent 6 month old infant. Yes, I am an old, old mother.
She, being the older-by-one-year, wiser cousin, casually walked up to my baby (all smiles), and promptly threw a fuzzy frog toy directly at her face, smacking her right between the eyes. I froze, in complete horror. My niece was mortified, and doled out all forms of punishment.
My baby? She pulled a Marlo, what a trooper.
My sweet little baby is now the tormentor. My, what a difference 18 months can make.
268. Sarah said:
Exact same thing happened to me with my cousin's boy! He was jealous of the attention my little girl was getting and came over and whacked her in her chubby belly with a pretend kettle. She just carried on smiling and being adorable, barely noticing him. My cousin was mortified, I was just shocked I could barely say anything!
269. Sarah said:
I'm convinced that Marlo wasn't trying to woo your nephew with her wonderfulness and cuteness - alhtough she does have plenty to go around. She was smiling b/c she knew that one day, years from now, she'll be able to fight back. Just you wait cousin.
270. girlplease said:
Ah yes the finer points of having a baby:
clogged ducts
boobs that feel like they are carrying 90lbs each
red, flamming boobs
hemorrhids yet not where you would think they are--yes in the no no place
pelvic floor muscles gone kaput where it kills to sit, stand, walk, etc. Where is my donut pillow?!
But I learned my lesson the hard way. Never, ever, EVER take a mirror and go "hmm I wonder what it looks like down there." My god the horror. It looked like a purple balloon animal. Kind of like this but purple: http://www.goodyblog.com/playing_house/images/2008/01/14/2071929701_dc26...
271. Alicia said:
I had to get all momma-bear at the playground on Saturday. Some kid had my 4 year old in an un-provoked chokehold!
I called the mom out on it (after yanking her away from her cell phone) and she's all 'Some people don't know the difference between playing and fighting." As my face purpled with rage, the now recovered 4 year old piped up, "Momma, that boy has no manners." Slight pause and light applause from the other parents.
So I just gave her the "bitch, please" look and walked away.
272. Rebecca said:
Just a note for your brother. My favorite little cousin used to do the exact same thing. I vividly remember her in her high chair grabbing for drinking glasses and then slamming them down on the table over and over until they broke. It was stressful taking care of her, even though she is the sweetest and cutest child in the world. She does, however, turn out to have ADHD, and the diagnosis and therapy she's received has helped her and her parents figure out how to cope with her impulses. I know it's a highly overdiagnosed disorder, but some kids do have unusual problems controlling their impulses, and it's worth taking them to doctors.
273. Krista said:
Wow. I can't even believe some of the comments.
It's really sad that some of you condone hitting a toddler boy for hitting because he feels jealous and is not able to express himself any other way.
He's 18 months old, for Pete's Sake! Give me a break! It's a phase, and if his parents work through it the right way, it's one that he will get over.
Give the kid (and his parents) a break. I'm sure dad thinks it's so cute that his son's behavior is being discussed about this in the first place.
274. Kadi Prescott said:
Dude...so sorry about your boob. I got clogged ducts everytime and I had seven kids. I wish teets came with an automatic release valve! Hope you get well soon!
275. Kadi Prescott said:
P.S.
People are such negative trolls on this site. You want someone to pick on for what you would call "bad mothering?" Come visit my blog. I am so bad that we had Supernanny come help us. LMAO.
276. Danielle said:
Someone needs to tell Bunnie that there is a difference between and 18 month old and a 5 year old.
277. Horrible cousin said:
Don't know how you could possibly read all of these comments. But my cousin's kids are like that, they have always been like that! One Thanksgiving the youngest one starting hanging on our garage door, and pull it off the track. He is 18 now, and hasn't been asked back since. Don't know what advice to give you, ha!
278. Alice said:
Isn't it hard to do all of this site work, raise your children and still take your shifts on Mercy?
I sat and listened to it when it premiered and didn't get around to watching the episode until 6am. It is uncanny how much like you the actress looks--the hair, the chin, the little forehead mole--the whole package, really.
279. Wendy said:
This has nothing to do with Conan the Destroyer, but I just saw the previous photo post.
It's all over for you, Heather! She looks more like Leta in every new picture. I love those big, beautiful eyes.
280. macduff said:
Ok, so your brother is awesome. Now here's a question for him. If I HYPOTHETICALLY was babysitting a 2-year old girl whose nickname is Baby Thug, and my boyfriend HYPOTHETICALLY put her baby harness on her and had her drag him around the apartment while he rode a child's tricycle, and I HYPOTHETICALLY videotaped the whole event, should I put that on my blog? Because it's potentially the funniest thing I've ever seen, but I'm afraid the parents would be upset.
I mean, hypothetically.
281. hairstyles for girls said:
This post is bringing back bad memories! There's nothing quite like the pain of having your boob ready to explode at any moment. Gosh I'm glad I'm done having kids. :)
282. Tess said:
Wow! I have a bratty nephew and I wouldve not been able to laugh about it.
283. Jenna Jean said:
I hate boys.
284. MyHormonesMadeMeDoIt said:
Oh serious, you have like the coolest kid and she isn't even able to talk yet.
That Adam is scaring me a little.
285. Agi said:
Hey Heather,
Did you realize how many times you used the word "wolf" in your writing? I've noticed only cuz I was looking for this book you were talking about some time ago, about this chick from NY that landed in Wyoming and adopted a wolf teenager, and started taking pictures and posting them online, and then turned it all into a book..yyyyhhh...DEEP BREATH...
So my friend has a thing for wolves. The thing is such that I'm not asking any questions. I just thought she may get a kick out of that book. So I typed the word "wolf" in the search box, and then all those wolves popped out, and I thought "Geez, she talks A LOT about wolves! How in the world will I ever find the one I need???"
Help..?
Cheerios,
Agi
286. MyHormonesMadeMeDoIt said:
WTF, just read some above comments and realized I shouldn't have even joked about lil' Adam scaring me, it was a JOKE let me clarify. Sheesh ladies, cut the kid a break.
287. dubiousMa said:
Opening a baby can of whoop ass....
288. Deebo said:
...ew, mastitis is not my friend. although, im sure it would beg to differ. not fun, my friend.
289. Nate said:
@241. Andra
#131 was pure sarcasm- that's all!
Heather, I also have to say I wish you'd can the hate page. I think it would be better for your health for you to ignore that crap, lady.
Much love
290. Kim said:
Heather, LOVE your new pixie cut. You look stunning. I've been debating about getting one myself as I currently have a very boring grown out bob, but the remorse of cuts like that always get me. You really rock the short boy cuts with your enviable bone structure, though - I liked the one you had before this one too!
Please tell us more about the war that you have going on over on Twitter ... have been reading Monetize the Hate with fascination and horror and am dying to hear more.
I don't get the haters - I read you every day and you always brighten my day. Thank you for doing what you do!
291. Anonymous said:
I HATE the new hate section. Yeah, it's a funny thing to JOKE about (monetizing the hate) but to actually go through with it is just really tacky. Really tacky.
I'm not trying to be really mean and vicious and attack your kids or your chin or anything crazy like that. I'm just trying to be honest..I have been reading your blog for a long time and have enjoyed it. I honestly believe that it recently has changed (not for the good) and you are losing your ability to relate to people. This is not good for a writer. Please come back down to earth.
I'm not saying that you need to believe all of the nasty comments sent your way, but when countless people are telling you that you come across as whiny and self-absorbed these days, maybe there might be a bit of truth behind it?
Think about it, please.
292. Ev said:
Heather, Wow, your hair is great! Excellent look for you.
Little Adam is suffering from testosterone poisoning. It will get better when he's around 60 years old and starts to have produce more estrogen and less testosterone. Until then, lock up the birds and Marlo.
293. Ev said:
#285 Agi,
It's a coyote, not a wolf. And the website is Daily Coyote.net.
294. Anonymous said:
HAIRCUT:
Can't wait to see what the haters have to say.
You rock it.
295. Tasha said:
LOVE LOVE LOVE the new hair! I'm getting mine cut on Friday and I was also thinking of going for something a la Michelle Williams. You look gorgeous.
296. Morgan said:
I just saw your hate page and it is amazing! Monetizing hate is truly a genius idea. I would request a comments section though. Then we can hate on the hate and you can monetize further from the hatred of the hatred!
Although, reading so much hate in one dose does make me hate society at large and think that your readership is full of evil trolls. And that our country and world is full of evil trolls. And now I think I will go crawl under a couch and hide from all the hate. These people need some weed or something. Or the ability to click out of blogs they don't want to read anymore.
Dear haters: I think the 18 month old IS a psycho. He needs a reallllllly long time out.
297. salome said:
OMG commenter #270 - I'm going to have nightmares forever.
298. Lovey said:
Every so often I visit your hate page and think that you could really explode some revenue by opening comments.
Of course, manning that shit-storm would be another full time job.
299. votemom said:
i read the hate page. and i can't even believe those comments aren't made up... are there really that many mean and rude people out there?????
i must live in a nice bubble.
i think i will stay in it.
p.s. your daughters are lovely ;o)
p.s.s. my word verification is "damage paid".
300. Michelle said:
LOVE the hair! You are looking gorgeous!
301. Lulu said:
funny, my nephew is like that too..... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i dont want kids anymore
302. Dana said:
Heather,
Your posts about the miseries that can occur after having a baby have been like therapy for me. Thank you!! I have an 18 month old. I had shingles on my nose at the time of her birth. It was being treated and was covered. The staff put me on quarantine. Everyone entering my room had to wear gown and gloves. The baby couldn't leave the room to get her photo taken. The nurses avoided my room because they had to suit up. I also had a sinus infection that I was on antibiotics for. This led to thrush in the baby's mouth and then in my milk ducts 2 weeks after the birth. It took me 2 months to clear the thrush with a crazy strict diet and tons of supplements. As soon as that was cleared, I got a clogged duct, which turned into a cyst, which developed mastitis 4 times in the next 7 months. They were set to do surgery, but I refused. It never returned. OH, and worst of all, my 3 year old brought home SCABIES!!! from school. We all had to cover ourselves in pesticide for 2 days and keep the baby from touching our skin during that time, and do a million loads of laundry. I have a crappy immune system due to an autoimmune disease, and have been feeling really alone in all this. This is mean, but it's comforting to know that a normal person can have the same troubles. Your ability to express what these things are like with humor is so helpful. Your shingles video was so cathartic! I don't know why these haters think it's so awful for you to complain. Keep complaining! You have reason to, and you are giving voice to many of us.