Where am I?
Surprisingly, only a few dozen people have written to chastise me about the state of my masthead, most of them quick to say hey you, blogger who blogs on her Internet blog, don't you know what month it is? Let's just for a moment consider that I haven't once had more than two consecutive hours of sleep in the last three weeks. Dude, I have no idea what year it is. I'm lucky to remember my name most days and have more than once said, "Yes, dear?" when Jon called out for Chuck.
I'm aiming to have something new up in the next few days, I promise, if only because there was this one guy who was REALLY SERIOUS about what a bad example I'm setting for the kids by having that unlit cigarette hanging out of my mouth, especially SINCE I WAS PREGNANT AND ALL, and was I aware of the potentially awful things that cigarette smoke could do to an unborn baby? Hmmm... I'm pretty sure the angels in heaven forgot to turn on the portion of his brain that recognizes sarcasm, or maybe this guy just needs a quick one up the pooper.
Things got even more complicated around here at about 4AM Saturday morning when I woke up to feed Marlo and my left breast felt like someone had sliced it open and shoved in a handful of broken glass. I thought I'd try to ignore it, and oh, moan in silence? Bite my lip until I was drowning in a puddle of blood? What was I thinking, YOU CANNOT IGNORE THAT KIND OF PAIN. So I tapped a sleeping Jon on the shoulder and whispered, "Honey, can you take the baby, I think I'm dying."
I immediately headed for the kitchen where we keep the Advil, and I don't even remember how I made it the fifty or so feet from the bed to the medicine cabinet, but there I am taking a couple of pills and next thing you know I can barely stand up. And I guess while reaching for the countertop to steady myself I knocked over the glass of water I used to take the pills and it went crashing into a thousand pieces on the floor. Somehow I make it back to the bedroom when suddenly I'm overcome with the need to puke, and Jon is all, what was that crash? And I'm all, what crash? And he's all, THE CRASH THAT SOUNDED LIKE A CAR FLEW THROUGH OUR FRONT DOOR. And I'm all, why are you moving your mouth and talking to me, can't you see I need to vomit?
Several Google searches later and I realize I have mastitis. If you want to know more about this condition just go click that link, but if you're looking for the condensed definition it's basically inflammation and infection of the breast tissue that can be caused by a clogged milk duct or bacteria that has somehow made its way in through the nipple. Sounds fun, I know, it's been nothing but giggles, balloons, and pony rides over here, except for the twelve hours I spent in bed yesterday with chills, aches, and a 102 degree fever. My doc called in a prescription for antibiotics, and they finally kicked in last night, and the relief I felt was not unlike what I imagine Marlo feels when she wakes up from a nap, sees the outline of my boob and is all SHUT UP, ANOTHER BUFFET?!
So I'm eating yogurt with probiotics to try and avoid the possibility of thrush, and I'm continuing to rest to make sure my body can adequately fight the infection. That last part is proving to be the most frustrating aspect of this because all I want to do is get up and organize my now completely disheveled life, starting with maybe, you know, updating the bad example that is my current masthead. For the kids. Who read this website after playing Barbies and singing along to the High School Musical soundtrack. Hi, guys! I think Zac Efron is totally doable, too!! LOLZ!!
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Heather talks about Valentine's Day on today's Momversation.
- I know zero about sports, but my entire heart is screaming, "Go Saints! Go Saints!" I am a stereotypical woman. TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE, JON!
- Marlo has a tooth! So says the blood that she drew when she grabbed my hand and tried to gnaw off my thumb!
- Leta won't eat her birthday cake. I guess we should have made it out of chicken nuggets and iced it with refried beans.
1. katie said:
Are people really complaining about the masthead? They need to get a life pronto. You just had a baby for crying out loud!
2. EMAH said:
I hear cabbage leaves help . . . and antibiotics.
3. Lisa said:
ilu
4. J said:
Been there too man and glad to hear you're back to getting well.
Zack Efron is so rad. ROFLOL. :)
5. Frau Klugscheisser said:
Hope you'll soon be better.
6. Anna said:
Go back to bed and rest! I've been "lucky" enough to have mastitis five times so I defintely know how much it sucks. Take Marlo to bed and hang out there until you feel better, rest and antibiotics work wonders.
7. SwedishPankakes said:
Rebecca over at Girls Gone Child had mastitis too awhile back. Really makes me want to re-think the whole having-kids-and-then-letting-them-feed-on-me thing.
8. cari said:
i love the masthead.. i think you should keep it up ...
FOREVER.
9. Erin said:
Heather, I really feel for you and the last thing you need is to be harrassed by your own readers. There's lots of other juicy stuff on the web to distract them until you get back on your feet. Hope you feel better soon - I've said it before - we'll be here when you're ready!
10. Lisa B in Seattle said:
Ouch! Poor Heather!
11. Jackie said:
Ouch!!
Hope you feel better soon.
Anyone complaining hasn't had a baby, or been around a new born for longer then 5mins. Rest, and take care of your family. We'll still be here to read when you feel better.
12. Haven Einstein-Arthur said:
I hope you are feeling better. I wanted to let you know that your blog is one of the highlights of my ultra exciting life as a stay at home mom of a 3 year old girl and a almost 2 year old boy. Congrats on Marlo.
13. Anonymous said:
Aw. (: You're so witty. And yes, please get to it. It's unbalancing my entire life. I can no longer sleep at night because of it. Ha.
14. giggloki said:
Aww poor boobs. You have my sympathy.
15. Anne said:
haha seriously people have been complaining about the mast head? I noticed it was still June but was like "Oh yeah, she has a NEWBORN BABY!" The Internet is an amazing place, seriously.
And thanks to your tweet about mastitis I've learned another new thing about the joy of pregnancy and having children. I swear another 10 years till I consider kids. :P
Hope you feel better soon though. <3
16. Megan@Blueberry Scones said:
I second the cabbage leaves suggestion, and ice, ice baby. (Ice, ice!)
I hope it works out for you - that HURTS.
17. Meagan D said:
I can't believe people are really emailing you about the masthead, they must be the people that have never actually given birth.
Keep up the good work, I personally am surprised that we are even seeing actual posts from you. I know that if I were in your shoes, I would be taking advantage of getting in yet another 2 hour nap.
Hope that you feel better soon.
18. Dharma said:
dood - screw Mr. Not-So-Funny and leave the damn masthead up until Marlo is 6 years old...you know, when you start putting whole sentences together again and your boobs are not exploding like Russian missiles off your chest in the wee hours of the morning....
take care of you,
Dharma
19. Elizabeth_K said:
Oh I loved all the sunshine and sleepiness and beautiful babies coming from this site recently, and I'm so sorry it was stopped for even a day by horrid terrible pain. Take care of yourself, and so proud and excited of/by you and your family! You guys are doing awesome.
20. moggit girls said:
Mastitis. Another thing our mothers never warned us about.
21. darcy said:
as a nineteen year old reader, i think i'm caught somewhere in between high school musical and that senile world where sarcasm is dead, but i've enjoyed reading dooce.com for the past four years, and still do! don't worry, your nonchalance is the best part of the whole thing. sorry to hear you're feeling so awful- don't worry about updating, just get well and spend time with your family! speaking of the rest of the gang, send a hello to lou- i'm a big fan.
22. Kristan said:
Aw, I hope you feel better!
Since I'm queen of the world, I say leave your masthead as is. It's funny enough to stay up all year. :)
23. Tara said:
Oh no... mastitis and mastheaditis at once?! Hope you feel better soon!
24. natalie said:
I feel your pain...i had mastitis on day 6 postpartum in March...I too thought I was going to die from the fevera and chills alone! We so need a medal for what we put our bodies through.
25. Grammar Snob said:
I heard cabbage leaves, too. Cooked, I think...but I'm not sure. Cole slaw in a pinch? No idea.
I thought the other day when I remembered it was July that you'd probably have a million weirdos telling you to change the masthead.....all men I'm sure. Your response should be this: "Why don't you come over and breast feed the baby while I do it. Asshole." Or maybe...."sure, I'll update the masthead after I have a chance to eat something, feed the baby, shower, feed the baby, feed the toddler, feed the dog, the husband, the other dog, now the baby's hungry again and I never got a shower, now the toddler's hungry again.....what did you want again? Asshole.
26. Milla said:
why are you wasting time on the internet when you have a newborn in the house?!! go on with your bad self. take your time. we're not going anywhere.
27. Amanda said:
I had mastitis with my second daughter and let me tell you I feel your pain. I actually thought it was jut that I wasn't able to nurse often enough (it was after I returned to work) so when I reached the babysitters I was anxious to nurse hoping it would relieve the pain except when I walked in the door I passed out. PAINFUL!!
Ok so I could care less about the date on the masthead my only complaint is I have 2 weeks left in my pregnancy and all I want to eat is powdered sugar donuts. That is your fault :) Hope you feel better soon!
28. Marisa said:
I had mastitis too, when my daughter was 5 months old. It sucked big time, luckily I didn't puke (although I felt like it) so I can relate! Hope you get to feeling better real soon. And by the way your newest daughter is adorable!!
29. Rev Dr Mom said:
Seriously, we're all big kids here and we know you JUST HAD A BABY...so take as long as you need for the masthead and get as much rest as you can. We're not going anywhere. And hope the mastitis clears up pronto~
30. Allison said:
I had it to....Cabbage leaves and of course the antibiotics. Unbelievable amount of pain! I feel for ya.
31. Daddy Scratches said:
Just makes you love people, doesn't it? LOVE 'em. L.O.V.E. people.
32. Katie said:
I am sorry to hear about your mastitis! My mom had that when she had one of us kids, and said it was miserable. I am sure you will start feeling much better now that you have antibiotics! Take care of yourself, lady, and screw the damn masthead!
I am 6 weeks pregnant myself and in the throes of nausea and vomiting - thanks for making me feel better. The idea of glass in my boob and a fever and thrush just made my current situation seem MUCH better! :-)
33. Jen said:
I went thru that crap with my 2nd, You are very luck to have Jon's added support...Mine went back to work, oh about 3 days after the baby was born....Workaholic!
34. Heather said:
I am forever AMAZED at the bullshit that gets sent your way. WTF are people doing worrying about your masthead. F'em and go take care of your boobs. Good luck!
35. Missy said:
I had mastitis 6 times with my second daughter before I finally threw in the towel and quit breastfeeding. Yes, six. Yes, I am obviously masochistic. And do you know what my OB/GYN gave me for pain? She told me, with a perky little smile, "Just keep NURSING! That will make it FEEL BETTER!" Nursing with mastitis is the equivilent of ripping off your nipple, jabbing the open wound repeatedly with a 12 pack of ball point pens and then pouring alchol over it and lighting it on fire. You need freaking morphine to deal with that kind of pain--not MORE NURSING!
Anyway Heather, I hope you feel better. Mastitis is a bitch.
36. Cynthia said:
I'm a first time commenter, and I think you're awesome. Unlit cig and all. As for the clogged breast? Well, all I can say is THANK GOODNESS I ADOPTED!!!! *shudder*
37. Candy said:
Pardon me for a moment, Heather, while I address the masses...ah hem..."Seriously, Internet....let the woman take a freaking VACATION already! Unless you have just given birth to a freight train on steroids, we do not want to hear you directing any more ridiculous brainless bile in her direction. Do you hear me, Internet? Not one unsupportive word! I want to see koodos, congrats, and sympathies, or so help me God, I will root you out and infect you with bacteria that will settle in your less than public places. Do we understand each other?" Thank you.
38. Aisha said:
*sarcastic hat on*
Zac Efron isn't *doable* OMG!!! He's lust worthy; the Jonas brothers told me I shouldn't fantasize about his doable bod, especially that CHEST.
*hat off*
Sorry your boob is being dumb; hope everything clears up, but don't worry about getting the masthead, at least for people like me! I find it wonderfully awesome to look at.
39. Celina said:
Mastitis is the worst, so I wish you a speedy recovery. Life is so much better when the boobs are happy!
40. ohsweetjeebus said:
Dear Man Who Did Not Just Push a Watermelon-Sized Baby Out His HooHah,
Kindly shut it.
Sincerely Yours,
The Internet
41. DB6 in Oslo said:
Ohhhh mastitis! I really feel for you, girl! Now get better and keep the boobs warm. Im not sure if you have wool pads over there... they work wonders! I hope you feel better soon.
42. Jen said:
lucky
43. Anonymous said:
Not that it isn't in any way creepy or anything, but I love you.
Moving on.
44. Ashley at Dumb Youngins.com said:
Get some rest!
The masthead is great!
45. Felicia said:
I'm sorry about the mastitis. I also vote for:
1) Tons of rest, and
2) Actual probiotic supplements (pills), not just the yogurt.
The yogurt is a good start, but thrush is about 5 million times worse than mastitis, which as you know is really terrible... So take the probiotics! You can also get baby/infant probiotics to give Marlo too. Thrush diaper rash is awful.
(I have a 2 month old and we just went through thrush. I would not wish it on anyone, not even the ignorant a-hole who's bothering you about a masthead when you just had a baby.)
46. Jen said:
Noticed the masthead - however, UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE - realized having a new baby is VERY hard and exhausting!! Ignore the fools! Love you!!!
47. jess said:
you have, once again, convinced me never to have kids. which i think will be great for my figure... however, im relatively certain you'll be posting pics of edible cheeks (both sets), and i'll have to give myself a stern talking to about not becoming pregnant when unmarried and only 23.
on a separate note- my boyfriend's mom smoked during her entire pregnancy with him. to CAUSE a birth defect. she wanted to have a little baby so the delivery would be easier than with her first. my bf was a solid 2 lbs heavier than his big brother was, and is now 6'6". imagine how tall he'd be if she hadn't smoked. craziness.
48. Caitlin said:
My boobs are having sympathy pains. Heal up quickly!
49. Anonymous said:
I actually never notice its a new month until like halfway in. And my only excuse is that I'm lazy. So by my calendar, you have like 14 days before I even notice...at which point I'd be like..oh.
And then I'd totally double check to see if I had the date wrong.
WTF, do people use Dooce.com as their calendar?
50. Heidi Ho said:
Been there, done that.....no fun. If you have ever "passed" the blockage, it is totally amazing that something so small can cause such pain.
as for the masthead. LOVE IT!!!!! Don't we give up enough before/after giving birth. Allow us our humor people!!!
51. Lissa Lander said:
I made my husband drive my sorry crying ass to the ER when I got a taste of the Mastitis. I walked into St. Marks at 11:37 pm with my hand up my shirt so it couldn't even graze the left boob. I greeted the horrified children and parents alike with a grimace of pain worse than that time I went into labor, and promptly asked the nurse if she thought I was going to die.
52. Amo said:
And donuts will make you fat, so maybe stick a broccoli spear in there or something.
53. Amy said:
Reading about people who criticize what has to be my favorite masthead to date only serves to really piss me off. Every day it stays up is a blessing.
Not only do they need a quick kick to the pooper, they seriously need to poop.
54. Kari S. said:
I hope you feel better! Thrush is not fun and my son got it when he was 4 weeks old. Breast feeding was a nightmare and I had to put jock itch cream on the ol' nipples. Oye! But I hope you are feeling better and heal quickly. And strange enough.. Im having sympathy boob pain as well! Werid! lol
55. Jen said:
Here is one I bet you have never heard. I am a breeder. After I had my second baby my sister-in-law decided to breastfeed my baby. Yuck and WTF. Turns out she and her baby had thrush and passed it on to me and my offspring. Guess what? My sister-in-law lost part of her nipple from not treating the thrush. Yes, that is what I said. I stopped nursing immediately. I tell all of my nieces that breastfeeding is more painful for the first couple of weeks than the condition of my birth canal after the baby destroys it. Scabs, bleeding, thrush, oh my. The best is when a scab comes off in the babies mouth and it looks like they are drinking blood.
Also, everytime I have a kid my husband tells the doctor to give me an extra stitch. How awesome is that. My vagina is too big. I am a little lady with a big vagina. That is AWESOME!!
56. Rosie said:
The best thing to help clear out the blocked ducts is to feed on all fours above Marlo, while gently massaging. This helps gravity to kick in and drain the infected quadrant - and after a couple of feeds from that breast you should feel it all empty all of a sudden. Worth knowing for the next time you start feeling any lumps and twinges. The best advice I was ever given on breast-feeding - inelegant, true, but it works so so well.
57. LindzML said:
Ouch. That sucks, and I sincerely hope your boobs stop feeling like glass is inside them. Maybe pillows next time. Or clouds.
58. Cat said:
Dear Dooce,
Ick! and Ouch! and Yikes! and Well that explains where you've been! all rolled into one uber-sympathetic and well-wishing comment.
Love,
A reader who is enjoying the sarcastic masthead, past its expiration date though it may be, and also is grateful she does not have mastitis.
59. Chris W said:
I've been reading for years, and never commented.
I'm so glad you're feeling better,
When I take antibiotics, I usually take Jarro Dophilus or some acidophilus capsules so I don't have to eat yogurt multiple times per day. It's much easier, and works well for me. Just be sure to take it a few hours after a dose of the antibiotics - taken too close, the antibiotics will just kill the good bacteria in the Jarro Dophilus.
Feel Better!
60. Kristi said:
Since you mentioned it, I'm the neighbor from down the street. After the masthead, could you scurry up on the roof and take care of your gutters too? I've been meaning to mention it since you have so much free time.
Best of luck with the mastitis. My husband gave me the disbelieving look when I told him how much it hurt. After I gave him the titty twisty of the universe he got my point. Unfortunately, his pain was over in about ten minutes. I have felt your pain and will eat large amounts of chocolate to help.
61. AnEmily said:
I know you are probably inundated with tips for thrush, but as a major thrush victim during a particularly hot summer while breastfeeding my son, I would be remiss if I didn't pass on the one tip that saved my boobs and my sanity. Make a jar of a vinegar and water solution and use a cotton ball to apply it after every feeding. And keep on keepin' on those probiotics!
62. HeatherNC said:
Can antibiotics cure mastheads too?
63. Susie said:
Be very careful with the cabbage leaves unless you are looking to wean and dry up quickly. They may provide the cooling relief, but unfortunately they have the unexplainable phenomena of drying up your milk as well. They are in fact used to quickly do that when someone chooses to stop breastfeeding abruptly...
Rest, rest, rest, plenty of fluids and nurse as often as Marlo will. That will get you back on track quickly since you are already on antibiotics.
Hope you feel better soon!
64. JIll Put Up A Blog said:
Ugh! Feel better!!
65. Stephy K said:
Raw Cabbage leaves right inside your nursing bra.
TODAY start wiping Marlo's heiny (yes this part is weird but it WORKS)with liquid antacid (generic is fine) with a cotton ball every diaper change until you are done with the infection. Any infection she gets from your antibiotics won't hurt or burn her.
Acidophiles (sp?) you can find by the vitamins (it is the good bacteria in yogurt)
Hope you feel better soon.
Oh and I think the masthead is hilarious
66. Music for Mother and Child said:
Hi Heather,
I do remember those first weeks and months with almost no sleep.... As if the World is turned upside down...
I hope you will soon get some rest and sleep!
Take care! :-D
Claus,
Music for Mother and Child
67. Christine said:
Just reading the word mastitis makes me wince. I hope you feel better soon!
68. Barb said:
Screw the idiot with the idiotic comments!! Obviously this a-hole is not married and probably is living in his mother's basement or else he would know what it's like living in a house with a newborn, a toddler, a husband (who actually knows what you're dealing with) and two dogs!! (Did I miss anyone??)
Get better soon and don't worry about the masthead.
Oh, by the way, Marlo is a cutie!! Good job!
69. AidoElleMom said:
Ok, so I am finally delurking (do you blog people even use that word anymore?) to let you know that I feel your pain in a major way!! I had mastitis 4 times in the 18 months I was giving my daughter her daily buffet. I had the throwing up, the passing out, the pain, the chills, I was right there with you. I did not however ever get thrush from the drugs, so I do hope that you too get lucky. Good luck! I have loved your writing for many years and really am glad that all is well, except for the mastitis, in the Blurbodoocery!
70. Sheelah said:
Starting like a week and a half ago, I secretly started counting down the days until July 1, so we could read your hilarious commentary on the morons who tell you your masthead was late. Even though I've never had a child, I (SHOCKER) assumed you would not be changing it come July 1, so thank you for answering my prayers and posting about the crazies!
71. Amy in Ohio said:
Do you have any idea what potential health threat's June's unlit cigarette masthead will pose on your newborn in July??? She will never keep her months straight when she gets to school without the aid of a cigarette to use as a pointer. Mark my words!
72. Anonymous said:
OUCH. Had that with my last baby, no fun. I know a few people above said cabbaage leaves...stick those bad boys in the freezer and then inside your bra. Helped me a ton. Good luck!
73. Tracy said:
Your lack of an updated masthead just proves you're like ever other mom with a newborn - exhausted and has no time! The fact that you find time during this stage to write at all makes you my heroine.
I, too, have had mastitis. I still feel the pain when I think about it. Feel better soon!
74. Hsin said:
I've enjoyed reading your blog for a long time, and I love the June 2009 masthead. As for whoever complained about it setting a bad example -- has that person actually looked at the masthead? It's just fun and funny, and as a side effect an obviously fantastic smoking deterrant -- just like the old public service ads that cracked and fried an egg while saying, "This is your brain on drugs."
I had mastitis once with my first, and again after my twins were born. I didn't have a smart doctor like yours, so I was unable to crawl out of bed for a day and a half each time. But I did find that moist heat helped the pain, and then taking a lecithin supplement every day after that prevented clogged ducts and thus any further episodes of mastitis.
75. Anonymous said:
you should take probiotics and not just eat yogurt. there's not much in there...i take renew life brand...you get them at whole foods...they have to be refrigerated...
76. Lauren said:
I actually LOL'd at the buffet comment.
I think you should use a massive cock on your next masthead, and tell the whinger that is what he needs in his mouth to shut him up.
77. Jamie said:
Consider this official permission from the internets to tell that guy to SUCK IT. You blog for a living and everyone deserves some time off work after having a baby. GO REST. ...not that we don't miss you or anything.
78. Anonymous said:
i just read these comments while eating my lunch. gross.
79. erika said:
I second the call for probiotic supplements. And try Kefir (essentially, drinkable yogurt)..eh, change of pace. Good luck and rest up! you're gonna need it
80. the niffer said:
You poor thing. I've heard about it but never experienced it. By what my friends have described, they'd rather go through labour again and again and AGAIN than go through another round of mastitis.
Hope you avoid thrush and feel better soon. :*
81. Antje said:
"June" Masthead: Just add "exp." before and "2075" after?
82. Barb - WillThink4Wine said:
This too shall pass. Feel better.
I do not even know who Zac Efron is. How sad is that? Now I really feel old. older. oldish.
Never Mind.
PS. My word verification is $50million. As if.
83. Allison said:
**Shutter** I got mastitis with my son and I don't think I will ever be able to breastfeed again!!! It was horrible!
I hope you feel better soon!
84. Anonymous said:
Never heard of cabbage leaves, but when I got it the sure cure was expressing milk and soaking my boob in a bowl of hot water and epsom salts. Of course you have to wash that off before feeing Marlo, but a couple times a day of that and keeping the milk moving through is the key. Good luck-it is not fun AT ALL
85. sohobutterfly said:
I've heard of cabbage leaves. Mastitis sucks, anyway you slice it. Hope the antibiotics do the trick.
86. Erica said:
I thought you were on maternity leave.
Shouldn't you take maternity leave?
I got maternity leave ... I think you should too.
Tell Jon to post a picture of the baby every once in a while and freakin' get well, eh? Take some maternity leave. YOU JUST GAVE BIRTH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
I did too. 16 months ago. And I'm still recovering.
87. Kirsten said:
You SO need to keep that masthead for July.
The only thing you need to do different to it is photoshop Marlo slung over your shoulder while you're dangling the cig.
Hah - Take that, Internet!
88. fat mum slim said:
Oh! I had been meaning to email you and give you a hard time about the masthead.
I knew that you were sitting back at home, sucking back some cigarettes... doing nothing.
Isn't that what all newborn mothers do?
So obviously I'm being sarcastic. I would forgive you if it rolled around to Christmas and you hadn't even blogged. Life ain't easy... especially with a nice serve of mastitis thrown in. x
89. Kay said:
Oh Poor thing! My Mom had that once and rest is the best thing. I didn't have that problem because I didn't get to nurse my baby because my nipples are completely defective! They are called Inverted Nipples - meaning they don't elongate enough for the baby to latch on so I pumped and almost tore my nipples completely off! When I saw that there was blood in the milk I was pumping I stopped which is probably good since my nipples were almost falling off! Anyway I shared that only to let you know that I can totally relate to your pain and I hope it ends soon and that you don't ever have to feel that again!
90. Suze said:
I just followed the mastitis link, and I'm totally NEVER getting that crap. I'm glad you're getting better, and good luck on the sleep front.
Note to the sarcastically challenged guy: you may be reading the wrong website. Just sayin...
91. SarahW said:
Really?! You just had a baby and people are bitching about your masthead? Frankly I'm surprised you've posted as much as you have. I'd be all like, "I just shot out a watermelon, cut me some slack." Take your time girl!
92. talkwithnothought said:
Owie.
93. MJBUtah said:
Yes, mastitis sucks..and let me tell you how much fun it was to have it last year and my youngest child is 14 years old. Seriously! I was seriously WTF when I woke up and one boob was WAY bigger than the other and on fire. Ah, good times!
Get better babe.
94. ZDub said:
Do NOT get Thrush. It feels like someone lit your boob on fire with gasoline.
And you should have a new masthead. Leta is old enough to use the computer.
Feel better, Dooce's boobs!
95. Michelle said:
Cabbage in the bra? I heard somewhere that it helps :)
But seriously, OUCH! hope you get feeling better. And about the masthead... seriously? People need a life. Take care of you first, the masthead can wait.
96. Denise said:
I'm sorry about the mastitis. I had it too, and it sucks ass! My LLL leader suggested taking grapefruit seed extract pills to keep it at bay, and I haven't gotten it again, so don't know if they are working or if it is just good luck.
Love the site, keep it up!
97. Anonymous said:
Thank god for the assholes, lest you might not have any comic relief between the crying and the glass-in-your-boob. I too had at least 5-6 bouts with mastitis with my second daughter (also five years after the first because the first scared the living daylights out of us). Would never bother you with a post except two things brought me incredible comfort vis-a-vis mastitis:
1) Empty 2-3 cups dry rice into a long athletic sock and tie the end in a knot. Microwave for 90 seconds. Wrap it around boob with glass in it. Once boob is warm, massage from glass toward nipple. Repeat.
2) Do not wear halter tops. This is what really threw me because WTF, why can't I wear a halter top? For god's sake, I was already cutting out dairy (kid was allergic) and had just finished 9 months of no sushi. And halter tops as far as I could tell had absolutely nothing to do with boobs. Except for the fact that they do have something to do with boobs. There are apparently key veins all around the neck and shoulders that when blocked will cause glass to form in boobs. Hence, no halter tops. Even if tied loosely (I tried that, which is how I arrived at the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th rounds of mastitis).
Chocolate ice cream for breakfast also helps. Enjoy and remember that one of the most compelling reasons to continue breastfeeding is that it is an endless source of suffering and thus, material.
98. Lorna said:
I nursed many years and mastitis showed up everyone once in a while. The cabbage leaves (cold please, in the nursing bra felt good, but didn't make a huge difference). Nursing relieved the pressure that felt like your boob would explode any minute, but, nursing also stimulated more milk production, and in the case of a clogged duct...ouch. What helped most was the antibiotics and massaging the ducts, especially while nursing. I like the upside down idea (picturing a sloth). All the best.
99. Terri said:
OUCH. Ow.
Men....Can you imagine what they'd be like if this happened to their penis?
First a baby pushes through your vagina with a pain that is so severe it made me wonder how much pain a person has to be in before they just pass out and die from pain (and yes, for the men I hear muttering, I've had a kidney stone, a 2.5" one as a matter of fact that had to be surgically removed causing a 8" scar on my "left flank" - as the Dr. so sensitively put it!)
Then we have to twist and rub our nipples to prepare for the pain of a new suckling and then this!??! It's too much I tell you!!!!
100. Claire said:
ouch, ouch, ouch!
Take good care of yourself! Be well! It lifts my spirits to know that you are tending to yourself and your family. and I think it's remarkable that all these people who are commenting are kind people who also wish you the best.
if the person that complained about the masthead knew what mastitis was, or what birth was, or what kids were, he would not have said such stupid things. whoever heard of a kid being sent down a degenerative, self destructive path because of a masthead? that's just plain silly.
101. Jenn said:
Oh for Pete's sake.... really with the masthead people? The woman pushed a HUMAN OUT OF HER CHINA and has since had said human suctioned to her boob for a few weeks..... we're lucky there have been pictures or any updates whatsoever. You know in the non cyber space work world, there is such a thing as MATERNITY LEAVE where new moms get to rest and adjust to parenting a newborn. IMAGINE!
Sorry about the mastitis Heather - add that to the list of renegade details of pregnancy and childbirth that I was not quite aware of. Yowzers... hope your boobs are on the mend soon! Oh, and I knew it was July, what with the firework celebration and all, but the fact that your masthead wasn't changed at the stroke of midnight on July 1st did not for once cross my mind. I love your mastheads, but I usually forget that they get changed monthly and then I just get pleasantly surprised when a new one goes up! Ignore the haters!
102. Kristy said:
Probiotics will save you from the yeast - you need the super power ones (ask at the health food store - Bio K is a great brand).
Mastitis sucks butt. Take care of yourself mama.
103. Erica said:
Take care of yourself. Mastitis sucks, big time. I've been there.
104. Nikki said:
been there, done that...almost performed a self-mastectomy!!!
hurts like a SONOFABITCH!!!
good news for marlo...she gets to eat to her little hearts desire as it helps with the inflammation!!!
105. Meredith R said:
leave the masthead - it's freakin' hilarious! my mom almost peed her pants when i showed it to her! i'm pretty sure she looked like that when it was "ok" to smoke while pregnant - read: 1964...
loving your blog. Oprah introduced me to you last Friday when I watched "what every mother should know before motherhood." I'm 4 months pregnant and my mother-in-law called me to tell me to watch it. YIKES!
106. Cheryl Arkison said:
That is the best description of mastitis I've ever heard. When it hit me the first (and only time) my Hubby was out of town and I literally crawled around the house with the baby for fear of dropping her if I passed out.
My three tips are the probiotic supplements - yoghurt isn't enough, walking around topless so the girls get lots of air in between feeding, and, despite he extreme pain, continue nursing. Old school thoughts say not to nurse, but continuing to do so - through the pain - is supposed to help clear the ducts.
107. Nina said:
Oh, Heather, I am so so sorry. I had a breast infection with my second baby, too, and I have never felt so crappy. I started hallucinating with the fever and as fun as that sounds, I thought I was going to die. Feel better soon!
108. Kye said:
Ugh! That sounds absolutely terrible. I saw your tweet on it from this weekend and Wiki'd it (never heard of it before). Isn't it wonderful, all the additional things that go along with childbirth that you aren't made aware of?
I think you're a trooper... make sure to take a little time to yourself and rest up as much as you can.
Screw changing the masthead and take care of the mastitis this month. :P
109. Ang said:
Doode, sorry to hear about this.
A girlfriend of mine called me last year a week after she had her baby, and said, you gotta take me to the ER. I feel like I have over-dosed on ACID and my poor baby feeders feel like they are going to burst. Poor thing had double mastitis.
Good luck, hope you feel better soon.
110. R.Wallis @ TrueBeauty said:
What....you're NOT supposed to smoke when you're pregnant?????? There's not much else to do down here in Arkansas...Case in point for our "barefoot and pregnant" rap. Sadly, your masthead should be our state emblem! Instead of the diamond state we shall now be called the B&P State...Barefoot & Pregnant. Disgusting really.....but true.
On a lighter note, glad to hear your boobs are better!
111. Yolanda said:
An infected, aching boob and stitches on your c00chie? I think you can ignore the masthead and develop a serious oxycontin addiction right now. You'd have all my sympathies. Here's to feeling yourself again, soon.
112. Chris said:
In case nobody else has already told you -- if the plugged duct is on top, (which it usually is,) nurse Marlo upside down so her lower jaw, which does the milking, can work near it -- will unplug quicker -- hot compresses before nursing too! On the plugged area of the breast - not Marlo!
113. michelle said:
LOLZ! I think the only thing that would have made your current masthead better is if you were also swigging a bottle of JD. Remember that next time.
I have to admit, I eagerly await the new mastheads, but seriously, what kind of f*ckwit writes a stranger to complain that it still says June?
114. Cherise said:
Hi Heather!
I feel your pain! I ended up with a yeast infection in my breast along with a clogged duct. The best part was the arguing with my insurance company for over a WEEK to cover my medications. Apparently, they didn't think that women really get yeast infections there and why would I need Diflucan anyways? It took me yelling on the phone with a lady from the insurance who assured me she understood because she was also a mother. I questioned her emphany with "Really?!? You've had a yeast infection in your boob? I don't believe you, because if you had you would have already approved my freaking medication!" I got it later that afternoon. After it gets unclogged you will feel a lot better. Lots of warm showers help.
I don't care for your masthead, but I would NEVER complain to a woman that just had a baby. Technically, you should receive atleast 12 weeks of not having to check in with your work, so I am happy with any updates.
The community that you have created really loves you Heather, and we all just want to support you in this exciting, but sleep deprived time!
115. Leesavee said:
Wow, yet another reason I'm glad I'm adopting!
Heather, feel better soon. And anyone who is all uptight and bitchy about your masthead needs to find a hobby...a hobby other than bothering you with that kind of nonsense.
People, she DID just give birth and all.
116. highlyirritable said:
Frankly, I don't think your masthead went far enough last month.
In my experience, the ninth month of pregnancy would have been far more accurately represented had the mother-to-be been holding a nine month old diaper clad tot on her hip, chuggin' a Bud (NOT "lite") and wearing blue eyeshadow. To the brow.
117. Lauren said:
Yes, please make sure never to be late on masthead updates again, it's the ONLY way in the WHOLE WORLD to tell what month it is.
Sheeeeesh. I didn't even know what the eff a masthead was before reading this. Wow.
118. SLC homesteader said:
man, that brings back memories... I got mastitis when my baby was 5 days old. The chills and aches were unbelievable, no amount of blankets could make me feel better. I took Tylenol which lasted for exactly 3.5 hours and it's not recommended to take it more often than once every 4 hrs. So I had to spend a good 45 minutes dying between each Tylenol cycle. I spent almost 24 hrs like that. Good news? Never got mastitis again. Yeah, probiotics and staying away from sugar for a while would be a good idea to avoid thrush. Hope you are doing better!
119. Belly Girl said:
I remember when my child thought he was a vampire for a moment and sliced my nipple open with his tooth - I thought THAT was painful. But this sounds like a whole other dimension.
Oh oh oh ow ow ow. I didn't realize it had effects other than the pain on your boob. And you are supposed to KEEP nursing on that side? YIKES! How in the hell do you avoid it????
120. Staci Z said:
Hope you made it to the Advil on the floor before Chuck did!
121. Valerie said:
I have to admit, I don't read all the other comments. So I hope I don't double up on the advice already posted.
Create a weak water and baking soda mix (1 tsp soda to 1 cup water) for Marlo's mouth, and a weak vinegar mix (1 tbsp vinegar to 1 cup water) to rub on your nipples. Swab as much of Marlo's mouth as she will let you, including cheek, tongue, and gums. Swab your nipples down after each feed. Create a new batch of solutions each day.
Just so you know I'm not totally full of it, I learned this from my midwife after getting mastitis with my firstborn and we never had to deal with thrush.
Good luck.
122. Lesley said:
Leave the masthead up a couple of months to make the crazies even more crazy, then post an image of an infected boob smoking a cigarette, just to, you know, fuck with their...er...I was going to say minds but a person has to have a brain to have a mind.
You just know these are the same people who want Sarah Palin to be President.
Take care of yourself and don't worry about the masthead. PLEASE.
123. Annette said:
it's all a bunch of BS. sometimes i enjoy your blog, but mostly i just drive by to see what the latest fantastic news/dilemma/big deal is and when it might just go up in smoke or there might be yet another ain't i wonderful story to tell. but congrats on the baby.
124. Belly Girl said:
#112 - I need more explanation - nurse Marlo "upside down"...like, should Heather do a handstand, or should she hold her baby by her feet while she feeds. The mental picture is just not happening. Am I missing something totally obvious here?
125. lgaki said:
I will miss that masthead. Could you bring it back out for special occasions, like Good Friday and Mother's Day?
126. Jo said:
OOOOO...I feel your pain. Literally. Not at this moment (THANK GOD) but I've been there. I'm glad the meds are helping and recommend a probiotic straight up...none of that yogurt nonsense. I've heard it is not quite as effective.
I take this one:
http://www.evitamins.com/product.asp?pid=3857
I also had to take antibiotics for a sinus infection and none of that icky yeast got me while I was on the meds and the thrush stayed away too.
Good luck!!
127. LisaJane said:
Sorry to say I laughed and laughed at this post. In between saying Ahhhh...poor Heather. Hope all is well now. Your girls are adorable.
128. Trish said:
Sorry about your boob! But I'm glad you're on the mend.
I wish mastitis on the masthead nazi!
129. JCN said:
I love reading your blog. I am a mother of two (4 yr old daughter and 2 yr old boy) and expecting another boy in a few months. I think you totally "get it" with being a mom and not afraid to tell everyone it is not always rainbows and butterflies. It can suck sometimes, but in the end so worth it.
130. Rachelle said:
Mastitis sucks... hang in there and I hope you feel better soon!
131. Dana said:
Fuck the haters. Not literally...
Unsatisfied, boring, lame people always feel the need to hate on something. Well I hate them! Does that make me unsatisfied, boring, and lame? Maybe.
In any case, good luck with the boob. Good luck with this insane time. You'll get to your happy place again even if it means buying opium illegally on ze internet.
132. Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com said:
Did the guy point out the donettes too? And the hairdo?
I'm pretty sure nobody who uses donettes, cigarettes, and their hair to create a humorous image can possibly be a reasonable parent. That's on Page One of that parenting manual they give you at the hospital. Right under the headline "On Being Sanctimonious." Or something like that.
I hope you feel better soon and that the mastitis clears up!!
133. Paulla said:
Wow - you've got to be kidding me. Ignore the masthead! Don't let the evil naysayers bother you. Just enjoy that baby (as best you can, on so little sleep) and get better. Nothing else matters - especially the masthead - which *I* happen to think is hilarious. :)
134. Jocelyn Stott said:
Oh my goodness! I have not had children yet, but I am sooo sorry that you have had to go through that and my sympathies. As if you didn't have enough to do. Good luck on getting better and take care of yourself!!!
135. Anonymous said:
a suggestion to avoid the dreaded yeast infection get a bottle of acidophilus over the counter instead of yogurt same stuff but packs a better punch. I take one pill with every does of anitbiotics.
136. Anonymous said:
I love you heather. in a totally sane way. did your nay saying complainer notice the ciggy is unlit? last i heard, unlit cigarettes don't damage anyone, unborn or not. sheesh!
137. deb said:
Hope you're feeling better soon. I would so do Zac Efron too.
138. Not So Glamorous Housewife said:
I just like to assume everyone has had mastitis at this point. When my husband explained to my father in law, the farmer, that I had mastitis he answered with "like the cows? I've only heard of cows getting that." If I weren't on the floor with a fever...let me see how did the doctor put it...oh yes "You don't see too many adults with a fever that high and getting around like you are". I would have personally gone through the line and set fire to the man on the other side. I'm glad you are feeling better. We cows need to stick together.
139. Rebecca said:
I've never had children but left boob just did a sympathy twinge reading that. Get better soon!
140. E-Lo said:
Seriously, screw that dude, I love the white trash baby mama masthead - it's one of the best ones EVER!
And also, very sorry to hear about the mastitis - but I'm glad you're feeling better and Marlo once again has access to the buffet. Keep those boobs healthy!
141. Norman said:
Maybe meditating on the idea of doing Mr. Efron would be an effective painkiller itself. In combination with advil it might lead to welcome levels of euphoria. But leave out of the fantasy the part about the stitched up lady-business.
142. Sandy said:
I was the idiot on Twitter who told you I've had mastitis and thrush three times in the four months since my son was born.
Hi.
But seriously. TAKE GSE! That's Grapefruit Seed Extract.
NOT GRAPESEED EXTRACT.
GrapeFRUIT seed extract.
It is the number one thing you can take to prevent thrush. Because if you like mastitis, you'll like the part about thrush where you feel like cutting off your breasts, putting hot pokers in your eyes, and selling your baby on the black market.
I wish the La Leche League awarded medals of honor for breastfeeding (as well as large cash stipends).
143. d3 voiceworks said:
i spent may 10 with my 10-week old boy and mastitis. mother's day. w00t.
glad you're better already!
144. Long Story Longer said:
That Zac Ephron comment kicks ass. Good luck, Heather. I'm really sorry about all the boob pain! I'm sending all the good vibes my terrible Karma will allow.
145. Deborah said:
Feel better soon and don't worry about us. As others have stated, we're not going anywhere!
146. Hayley said:
I love this masthead. Just change the month on it and call it good- we'll chalk it up to you're a little busy, I dunno, BEING A MOM TO A NEWBORN. You can change it when Marlo turns 5.
Just got over mastitis. IT SUCKS.
147. Joy said:
I think you should do a MASTITISHEAD. That'll teach those whingers.
148. Kelly said:
More than 100 comments and no reference at all to your "mastheaditis." Had to remedy that little portmanteau oversight.
149. Laura said:
I feel your pain. Actually, I felt your pain. Mastitis sucks...I had it the first week of nursing. Triple Nipple Cream (available from your doctor), antibiotics, Soothies, wet diapers (frozen in the freezer and applied to boobies) all helped me. But wait! There's more! After antibiotics, I had a drug rash complication for added effect, but don't worry. I was (am) a rare case. Hang in there!
150. Christina said:
WOW. Thanks for introducing me to the fabulous world of mastitis, something all the women in my family failed to mention in their descriptions of motherhood. I hope your boobie (and therefore you) get to feeling better soon!
151. katie said:
mastitis does suck, and i only know that second hand from seeing friends go through it. i was fortunate enough to only have thrush, which was it's own merry-go-round from hell kind of ride.
the best advice i ever got for clogged ducts, however, was vibration. and your average bedside drawer vibrator works fine. lord knows with a newborn in the house it probably is getting lonely in there, with only the KY and a diaphram to keep it company.
152. Shelly said:
The first thing I thought of when you said Mastitis was cow teats. I know, I know, horrifying isn't it? I grew up on a dairy and after each milking we had to dip the cows teats in this yellowish dye to prevent them from getting Mastitis. Wanna borrow some?
Kidding. I am sure it is NOT fun, so hopefully you get better quick! :)
153. Leslie said:
Your boobs have my deepest sympathies. I had mastitis when my son was about 3 months old and OH MY GOD THE HELL!
As far as the masthead goes, I don't think I've even flipped over my calendar at home from June to July, and I don't have stitches in my business and broken glass in my boobs. I think you should keep it up until Christmas, if for no other reason, but to spite all the naysayers.
154. Halala Mama said:
While I enjoy the fact that boob is a category of yours, I am sorry they are giving you trouble. Feel better soon.
155. Tara Newhole said:
Aw, screw them. Get to it when you can ! We'll be here waitin' for ya !
156. Jennifer said:
All I cay say is I hope you're feeling better. Ugh...
157. Debbers said:
I had mastitis with each of my babies and it is not fun. Hope you feel better.
And also wanted to say that is one beautiful baby you have there. Seriously, Marlo is gorgeous. Makes me wish for another, if I weren't 46 and tired.
158. Judy said:
AMEN to the "angels in heaven forgot to turn on the portion of his brain that recognizes sarcasm" comment....but some people are SOOOO narrow minded that they think everything they see in print and in the media is the God's honest truth!!! BTW, I LOVE your blog!!!
159. Ade said:
Oh man, I can totally relate. I had mastitis in both breasts after my son was born! It was absolutely horrible and painful and we didn't have insurance, so I had to do hot bags of water with Castor oil towels while continuing to try and breastfeed. Oh my gosh...I wanted to cut both of my breasts off...I was sure it would hurt less. So tell anybody who is having masthead issues to screw off lest they be inflicted with mastitis a thousand times over. Good luck, I hope you are feeling better soon!
160. Katie Collins said:
I saw that psycho bitch telling Jon to change the masthead because she "couldn't stand to see Heather looking that way" on Twitter. Fuck them! Not only did you just have a baby and now have mastitis, but who cares about your masthead? It's only July 6, people!
Plus, that masthead rocks. I'd keep it up - with "June 2009" on it - all year just to mess with them! Get better soon, Heather. We're all thinking of you and that beautiful baby. We'll be here when you're better and have slept.
161. BOSSY said:
Bossy confuses Mastitis with Mastiffs. Both seem overwhelming.
162. Kara said:
I saw the masthead today and cracked up laughing....again. I love it and think you should leave it up as long as you want. In fact,when I saw it today I had a sentimental moment where I thought to myself, "Awwww, you hadn't even met Marlo at that point."
163. Tobamom said:
The guy who is worried about the appropiateness of your masthead should have his penis lit on fire to simulate the sensation of mastitis. (Yes, I know firsthand how lovely mastitis feels . . .) The importance of month accuracy or misunderstood humor would suddenly pale.
Heather, I hope you feel better soon. Blessings to you and your lovely family.
164. Jenny said:
This is the exact reason I love your blog. Hang in there. My mom had bouts of it when she was younger. I'm probably going to have it when I have kids. Thanks for the preview.
165. Cindy Murphy said:
Google CANADIAN NIPPLE CREAM. It works wonders! You have to go to a formulary pharmacy, but it is totally worth it.
I had my doctor give me a Rx while in the hospital just in case, because after my first breastfeeding experience and nearly throwing my child across the room every time she latched on, I thought I'd better come up with an alternate plan.
166. Lacrema said:
I feel for you!! I had mastitis three times with my baby. It was horrible, especially the first time (just moved across country with 3-wk-old baby and cat, not a good idea). Actually, the last time I kinda wanted to give myself a mastectomy with a kitchen knife it hurt so bad. The fever doesn't help you think clearly-- I woke my hubby in the middle of the night to tell him the movers were coming from Costco and I had nothing to feed them. That's when he took me to the ER.
Did you see the stuff on the internet about abscesses if you don't get it treated right away? Oh my lord, if that ever happened to me I think I might die. Needles+boobies=horrifying
167. Jennifer said:
Hope you continue to feel better. (and I love the masthead).
168. Lisa Rae @ smacksy said:
Looking forward to your annual masthead change next June. (It's all I can think about.)
Wishing you happy boobs.
169. Chriss said:
OMG, I came so close to sending you a fake compliant email about the Masthead this last weekend. I just started reading your blog back at the beginning of the year and from time to time I like to go back and read the archives to get an idea of the "whole" story. While doing this, I came across a previous post where people were flipping out on you about a monthly masthead change, like THREE days, after the new month. When I saw that post I really, really, wanted to have some fun with you and come up with a extremely whacked out email you would be proud of, but alas, I didn't have the heart to mess with you right after giving birth. Sigh. I must like you :)
170. Ahryn said:
God I feel for you! Mastitis is the WORST! Hope your booby is feeling better!
171. CookingSchoolConfidential.com said:
It seems like the fun will never ends sometimes, doesn't it?
Okay. To help with the yogurt (I'm a culinary school student, after all!), here are five things you can put in it when you are sick to death of the taste of the stuff:
1. Fresh fruit. Especially berries. Perfect time of year for this, too.
2. Spoonful of jam. You know the fruit on the bottom yogurts? Yeah, it's just crappy yogurt with crappy jam. Get good yogurt and add your good jam; much tastier.
3. Nuts. I like almonds, but any nut you like will do.
4. Honey. I know it is just a variation of the jam theme but, hey, it works.
5. Chocolate chips. Or raisins or broken cookies or whatever sweet you like. Hey, if you've got to get the yogurt into you and chocolate is the only way to do it, then do it.
There are a ton of recipes I can give you (I have a French yogurt cake that is to die) but, alas, the heat will kill the cultures you want. So, sigh, eat it cold.
And, of course, you probably already know that you have to get the kind that has live and active cultures. Otherwise, it is pointless.
As for your masthead, it fills me with wicked glee every time I see it. You can leave it up there until Marlo is two, as far as I am concerned.
Cheers!
172. Anonymous said:
Are you friggin kidding me?? Who cares about the damn Masthead??? What a douche bag! You have an infant attached to your boob!! What an asshat! Good job Heather!!!
173. Jen said:
Lecithin. It is magic for preventing or getting rid of clogged ducts and mastitis. 1200mg caps- take 4 of them daily. They have been a lifesaver for me. And get a good quality probiotic rather than just the yogurt, and don't use any lanolin or breast pads. With my older daughter we fought thrush for months and this time haven't had it at all since now I know that lanolin and pads are thrush's friend. And give a tiny bit of the probiotic to the baby(just dip a finger in the powder and stick it in her mouth). And add some white vinegar to your laundry rise as extra anti-thrush insurance.
174. sarah said:
I loved that masthead- still do. I found your book the other day, and I bought it! It was a birthday present, and I actually read it. The whole thing, front to back, in two days. With a four month old baby. It was the first time I read a book in a long time, and thank you very much for writing it!
175. Lacrema said:
Also, if you try natural or herbal stuff, try drinking a little colloidal silver water (to fight infection) and taking acidophilus (good bacteria). The combination of the two actually got me over my first and second bouts of mastitis, even though I tend to think herbal remedies are a bunch of crap.
176. Pam said:
I'm so sorry to hear of your mast- troubles. I've never had a crab apple bitching to me about a masthead, but I have had clogged, infected milk ducts. No fun!
I hope this is the last time you'll experience it.
Keep on keepin' on!
177. Annie said:
That masthead needs to live on, FOREVER. Just to make a point. Get well. Congrats on your new addition. Peace out.
178. Emily F said:
I personally love the masthead- I myself have consumed enough donettes in my current pregnancy to be able to afford a small bakery of my own, have had many days where my mascara and makeup were smeared by panicked tears, and have longed to be able to have a damn martini and cigarette.....but have luckily had enough steel and iron in me to be able to wait it out...
179. Natalie said:
Why are people such douchebags? I mean, OBVIOUSLY if they read your blog they know you just delivered a new human being into the world, and that yeah, you prolly have other important things that need taking care of before you get to updating the masthead on your blog.
Sigh. I get such a hate-on for people like that.
Hope you feel better fast, and that you and you family are all well :)
180. Nhiro said:
Zac Efron? Really? I thought we've evolved in our taste in men, Dooce. Is Robert Pattinson not the dreamiest??
/sarcasm
Srsly, though, get all the rest you can. I will patiently bide my time until you can regale us with poop jokes once again. ;]
my captcha: "unshaven mukluk" (yessss :D)
181. vanessa said:
probably people should stop giving you shit since you JUST HAD A BABY.
sigh. feel better!
182. Kye said:
Just had to add: Going over the comments, I'm all for the "Mastheaditis" for the next month. Hi-larious! :D
183. Rebecca said:
I am currently nursing a ravenous baby who was 9.5 lbs at birth, so when I read "shut up another buffet" I laughed so hard, which I really needed since lack of sleep seems to dull my sense of humor in general.
I told my husband I think the baby's nursing theme song is "Do It ('Til You're Satisfied)."
Hang in there ... we are at week 14 and it is actually getting better!
184. Carrie said:
Heather - So sorry about the mastitis - and don't think that it's a sure thing that you'll get thrush......most don't actually. The cabbage leaves, and pain reliever (and the antibiotics) helped me get through mastitis in a relatively (!) short (!) period of time. It wasn't fun, and the last thing I would have worried about was the masthead on my blog. Of course, you do have throngs of adoring fans at your disposal, and I have none, so maybe it's easier said than done, but I say ignore the jerks, and know that the true supporters of your blog say take all the time you want - you know we'll still be here when you're 100% (and that WILL happen again!)
185. Daisy Girl said:
Love LOVE LOVE! And the fact that you are even ATTEMPTING to blog whilst breastfeeding and just generally mothering two small children, Good LORD, you are to be applauded. Bravo!
186. Allyson said:
Hi Heather, I'm so glad you're on the mend. I got your tweet that morning and totally felt your pain. I had it with my first daughter about 12 years ago and will never forget how God-awful it was. I felt like I had been hit by a truck and the anitbiotics made me so freaking sick, I puked and pooped for a week straight, while nursing the tot, no less. Bleh. Hoping each day is a little bit better for you,
Allyson
187. Shilo said:
I totally feel your pain in regards to the mastitis. I had kidlett #5, and thought for SURE I knew all the ins and outs of breastfeeding but no way. One day, suddenly, immense pain, shaking, fever. And just like EVERY time that I have had mastitis I thought WHY DO I BREASTFEED...
anyhow, i keep Grapefruit Seed Extract pills in the fridge and garlic pills. I took two Grapefruit Seed Extract pills twice a day, and one garlic pill twice a day, and applied hot cloths to my breast and lo & behold within two days it was gone. Twice since then i felt it start up, and started back with the regime and this time it never turned into anything. Also, I take Acidophilus Bifidus capsules. More of the good stuff than the yogurt and minus any sugars (which feed the yeast and can cause mastitis)
Oh, and the make-up thing? Wow, if I get make up on and clean hair I am so proud of myself I literally pat myself on the back. Joys of motherhood.... Love your blog, it's great!
188. Mama without instructions said:
Take care of yourself! The best advice I got about mastitis was to drink a ton of water, like more water than you think possible for a few days. I found this particularly useful when I just felt and early twinge coming on, not at the full-blown infection stage. Get better and focus on bigger priorities than the masthead!
189. Jane D said:
Hopefully you've recovered by now, but if you have a pump, I found it helpful to pump after the baby was done nursing, to make sure I had drained the breast completely, that really seemed to help in avoiding infections. Also, warm showers on the boobs (which you probably already know). And the pumping seemed to hurt less than actual nursing when an infection hit. For what it's worth, that is what worked for me any time there was even a hint of blockage. Hang in there! Two kids is a handful, but you're one of the supermoms, you can do it.
190. cattitude said:
So sorry to hear about the mastitis, that sounds horrible!! I hope you feel 100% soon and that it doesn't hurt your nursing schedule too much.
191. Johnny said:
Heather, do keep taking the probiotics--you don't want to risk a yeast overgrowth. My wife's been fighting that nightmare for a couple years.
192. ma2one said:
Please forget the masthead, work on getting better!
Hire yourself a Postpartum Doula to take care of you and the family!
www.DONA.org
193. Page said:
wow, you make this whole pregnancy thing sound GREAT to my 26 yr old single self!!! I hope you are back up to full smarminess capacity soon!
Cheers <3
194. Amanda said:
I used to run a big website; one aspect of it was a different graphic or wallpaper for each month, and I still remember reeling from the horrible emails I would get when it wasn't updated to all those strangers' specific standards. It sucked, and I would usually just not check my email for long periods of time. ;)
So sorry to hear of the infection, and hope you continue to feel better! Keep choking down that yogurt, too...anything's better than thrush. Blech.
195. Ashley Gilbert said:
Awww I know exactly how you feel, Heather. My little girl is 5 months old now, but for the first month and a half of her life, I had 5 infections back to back...ALL with fevers of 102 or more and the chills and not to mention the PAIN was unbearable, and I had a NATURAL birth the first time. I was so SICK of pain by that time, that I was going to give up nursing altogether.
Good luck, remember that where the babys chin is, is where the most suction comes out. I was lumpy all over, so I had my little baby nursing in all kinds of positions. I've gotten quite good at nursing upside down too. It's a dirty job, but someones gotta do it, and it aint gonna be Daddy because he won't be sprouting boobs anytime soon!!
196. Miss B said:
Sheesh, I didn't realize it was July until you pointed it out and I have no excuse--no babies, no bacteria in my milk ducts, no thrush and no angry blog readers to blame--but you can always blame my parents.
I just read your book and enjoyed it immensely but now I will never procreate--thank you.
197. Anonymous said:
Try Utah Doula Association hotline at 1-888-838-1456 to find a doula near you.
198. Amy said:
I had mastitis at least 3 times while I was nursing my boys. It hit harder and faster each time. I feel your pain
my lactation consultant advised me to take lecithin to help prevent it. They're enormous pills, and you have to take 6 of them a day, but it's better than the mastitis. You can find it at most health food stores
feel better soon
199. Lanie said:
This is a post at the 98th percentile, at least. I hate to imply that being in extremis propels you to dizzying heights of wit, you poor thing, but seriously well done.
200. Keep On S'myelin! said:
Hope you feel better soon.
I had a very mild case and caught it before it got too bad. I remember someone telling me that massaging your boobs in the shower to open the milk ducts would help. Then they went on to say "or you're husband could do it for you".
Um, ya, that's totally what I was thinking too. How did they guess that my painful breasts that felt like they had pins and needles piercing them every second while my shirt rubbed against my nipples like a razor blade needed more touching. Let me get right on that because that was totally what I was in the mood for...some good ol' lovin. Let's get it on!
"Oh, dear?"
NOT!
Buffet is only open for one. No 2 for 1 deals here!
Closed until further notice!
201. Kay said:
In my corporate world, new moms get three months paid leave. While I'm thinking that wouldn't be great for the ad revenues, a few weeks off doesn't seem too unreasonable ... even if your income suffered a bit. So take it -- you could always redirect to Jon for a few weeks. (I know he deserves a break too, but he doesn't have leaking, infected boobs.)Another thought: Let's see Leta's writing chops -- I'd love to read her unfiltered thoughts on baby Marlo! :-O
Also, my "reCAPTCH" words are hyman and restate. Spelling aside, your woes sorta make me want to restate the importance of maintaining one's hymen for as long as possible. ;-)
202. Marinka said:
I think that this is your only masthead that I haven't loved. But only because the lipstick is too "Grey Gardens" for me.
203. Babe in Babeland said:
Hi Heather!
I'm a first-time commenter of your blog. I think you are hilarious! And I'm glad to see someone with a sense of humor writing about motherhood. I think your masthead is great! When I was 9 months pregnant (and the babe had no intention of gracing me with her presence any time soon), I decided to have a little fun with photos. It was Halloween, after all, and so I used my pregnant belly as a beer belly, put a cigarette (or was it a one-hitter?) in my mouth and pretended to down Kahluah (that was all we had in our apartment at the time). It made for a funny photo, and it's not like it harmed the babe in any way. So, I say kudos to you! Your masthead looks great. And you look beautiful.
Sorry to hear about mastitis. I've had clogged milk ducts before, and that's a total bitch, so I can only imagine...I'm wishing you a speedy recovery and no more infected boobs for the rest of your nursing.
Congrats to you and your family!!
-Jonna
204. Jen B said:
Are you using a triple nipple cream? (Sorry, don't have time to peruse all 140+ comments to see if someone else already suggested it!). You can google "Dr. Newman's Nipple Cream", or "Triple Niple Ointment". The ingredients are Muprirocin (antibiotic), Betamethasone (anti-inflammatory), and Miconazole or Nystatin (antifungal).
It is completely safe to use with breastfeeding, doesn't need washed off even if Marlo is back on the breast within a second of applying it. A small amount is applied to the nipple after every nursing session, and should help keep thrush away! Have your doctor order if for you if you aren't already using it. It can help lots with painful latch/sore nipples as well. Email me if you need more info-hope you feel better soon!!
205. Kimberly said:
Love your blog. Love your sarcasm. Keep it up. Thanks for making my day with the Zac Efron comment. LOLZ!
206. Amy H said:
I had 2 of those with my first child and 3 with my second. The first time is always the hardest. I feel your pain, literally.
Hang in there and get rest. My doctor prescribes 3 full days of bedrest after mastitis kicks in. And nurse through the pain, it is really the only way to get rid of it.
207. WackyMummy said:
I really hope you get better soon. I had a minor case of that early on... and I can't even imagine what you're going through.
About your masthead... some suggestions I have:
1. It's great as it is. Full of sarcasm and irony and whatever. Obviously if people are reading your blog they'll see it.
2. Your site is one of my favorites to visit because it's not cluttered with so many different things. You know, where it's like you've gone into a TGIFs and all the noise and music and color and people with the buttons all over their clothes are all coming at you at once and you want to just turn and run? Well, your blog's not like that. Don't worry about it.
Just get better. =)
208. Miranda said:
I seriously think I love you. lol That last comment... FABULOUS! ;)
209. Amber said:
for those who asked, you nurse upside down by laying baby down and dangling (yes, for real) your boob over them. if baby is lying flat you should be facing their feet.
feel better, heather!
210. Ray said:
"Hmmm... I'm pretty sure the angels in heaven forgot to turn on the portion of his brain that recognizes sarcasm."
^^Hahaha! That was a good one. ;o) I hope the infection goes away soon.
Take, care.
211. Carolyn said:
Well, in retrospect and knowing that we'd probably be looking at the June masthead for an extra week or so, something more flattering might have been a good idea. To the humorless jerk who complained - get over yourself.
212. Brazilian Swimwear said:
Oh MY and I was finally ready to consider having my second child. :) I have a 2 1/2 year old and I guess I nearly forgot how painful certain parts of being a new mother were. Nothing was worse than cracking and bleeding from a very strong jawed baby boy! LOL. Thanks for the reminder. Now, I'm wondering if there is any merit to that "only child" syndrome.
I guess I'll just have to tell myself how fun the rest of it has been and push forward. I can't imagine not giving my son a sibling.
Great post and I hope you feel better!
-Nicole.
213. Shannon said:
You get lots of POOR BABIES from me !! Feel better soon.
Glad the meds are kicking in ! Had mastitis too and with my 38G boobs it was extra fun :O) Thought someone filled them with quick dry cement.
A masthead ? What's that... Screw em' only a man/childless person would ask why it hasn't been changed. So ridiculous. BTW, been reading for years and that one made me laugh so hard. Only you would think of it ;O) Loved it !! (The pink tutu and sweaty goat balls were also favs)
Sure your too busy to read anything but a prescription label so I'll run along.
214. Kathy said:
Gee, I don't know Heather...feed baby, take care of boob instead of change masthead. Um, yea, we (well, at least the majority of us and not the cornhole who complained) totally can WAIT until you are doggone good and ready to change it! You just take care of your babes and your boobies. We will soldier on without a new masthead!
Hope your boob gets better quick. When I had it, it was the closest I ever came to completely passing out cold. It totally blows. Feel better and I wish I could send you some sleep :)
215. Penelope said:
Awesome. Totally needed that laugh from the last comment :) I canNOT believe people are bugging you about the masthead. No mothers, I hope.
216. Lynn @ human, being said:
Holy cats that hurts. And really? If your masthead stays the same for another 6 weeks the people who are crabbing about it should go find something else to do. Seriously--as if your life should revolve around anything but you and Marlo (and the rest of 'em).
217. Keppy said:
I feel for you, Heather. Mastitis is horrible. I had it terribly bad when my 7yo was an infant. One minute we were sitting in Red Lobster and I'm like, dude, we gotta go home, I'm not feeling so well. And then by the time we got home I had a 103 fever and shaking uncontrollably. Hang in there, those antibiotics will help so much. :(
218. K said:
Some people have no humor- ex the man who said your masthead is bad...
I hope you feel better. You are prioritizing right. Take care of yourself so that baby reaps the benefits!
219. Sara said:
I think it's funny that it's MASTitis preventing you from doing your MASThead.
They both have the word "MAST" in them. get it? HA!
220. Heather said:
Awww, I'm sorry you had Mastitis :( I've had two children and was lucky that I never had it. Although, I know people who have and it was very painful for them.
Even though I check you site daily and hope for new pictures and cute stories, I would NEVER write to you and try to rush you into a story or a Masthead when you have a little baby. I hope you just enjoy as much of your time with that precious girl of yours. xoxo and take care!
221. Bruno Guima said:
You're awesome, your blog's awesome, your masthead's awesome... I love the way you talk... You talk like a human being, a real person... that's the best about your blog... girls don't need to become saints because they're moms... on the contrary, they get a lot of credit from becoming moms, as far as I'm concerned, so they can screw up and talk shit a lot more than the rest of us and simply get away with it! LOL!
Get well!
222. Mary said:
You are hilarious! Rest up and please keep the inappropriate photo.
223. jared said:
I love your June Masthead! I think perhaps you should consider making it permanent :)
224. Anu said:
Hope you are feeling better. Screw the masthead!! There are bigger things to worry about. How often will you get the chance to put up such an awesome masthead anyway...unless you plan on having another baby :-)
225. Disconcerting said:
Hmm...I read the mastitis entry on Wikipedia and apparently inflammatory breast cancer can be misdiagnosed as mastitis. Hopefully your doctor knows that as well, since you have had cancer issues in the past.
Feel better!
226. Debra said:
Oh Heather, so sorry to hear about your mastitis. Suffered the same with daughter, high fever, vomiting, milk duct at a right angle from the rest of me, ugh. Be well soon! (and keep the masthead)
227. NaysWay said:
Please rest. I've been lucky enough to have thrush once and I thought nothing short of cutting of my breast because of the pain.
As far as the masthead complaining guy, I'm sure he wouldn't mind a nice, juicy lick from Coco after a good poop eating.
228. Kristin A. said:
Ok, now im adding that to my list of fears of having kids. its up there with labor. and nausea. i had to stop reading your post because i was starting to feel queasy just thinking about it.
229. motheroffive said:
What are those masthead monkeys thinking? The fact that you can put several words together, all of them spelled correctly, and form coherent sentences is nothing short of a fucking miracle. Take your time. There are WAY more important things to deal with. Like mastitis. And Marlo and Chuck and Coco and maybe even occasionally Jon.
LOVE YOUR BLOG!
230. motheroffive said:
AND LETA
231. Robbie S. Redmon, LPC said:
Heather, so sorry you have been under the weather, and happy to hear you are feeling better. You know what? The true bottom line is, "This is your blog...You Do What You Want To Do." So, if changing it makes you happy, then change it. If not, then leave it alone. Those who don't like it can just not visit. How about that? Now!
232. j.cro said:
I was wondering when/if you were going to mention the amount of angry comments/emails about your out of date masthead. Sheesh - you'd think they'd get how just having a baby puts a crimp in your orderly schedule. For fuck's sake people, haven't you been READING?
233. Betsy said:
Haha, I am unapologetically one of those peeps bummed about the masthead. C'mon, we've been spoiled to them for how long now? And Heather, mastitis??? Why do all these things happen to you? Because God wants you to have a good blog, that's why.
234. Thea said:
Ouch! I had mastitis when my son was about 1 month. I never got a fever though so I kept thinking it would go away on it's own. 1 month later I finally went to the doctor only to have to do 2 rounds (or about 3 weeks) of antibiotics before it got better. I kept feeding him throughout the whole thing!!! Hardest thing I've ever done in my life, hands down. Feel better soon! Marlo is SO pretty, just like her momma :-)
235. Virginia said:
I hope hope hope for your sake you can avoid thrush - I had it for almost 2 months and it was hell. Hell, I tell you. I mean, mastitis sucks (probably how I got the thrush), but thrush makes you want to slice your boob off.
236. Tellie said:
Ouch! mastitis sounds painful...get better soon! I haven't had any kids yet so thanks for scaring me!
237. Amy J said:
Did you say it was a guy who said you were a bad example? I think he needs to have his man parts cut open and then sewn up and then let a baby suck on his boobs non-stop for oh say a year and a half and then we can talk the importance of mastheads!
238. Jess said:
I'm not sure if you've heard, but Michael Jackson died. Therefore you don't really need to post anything for another 2 weeks because people aren't paying attention to anything else anyway.
239. alayna said:
Bless your heart! I got that with my first one, and I thought death would be a welcome relief. I called my doctor to tell her what was going on, and she asked me to come in, but to keep nursing in the meantime. And then I melted in a puddle and cried. But I kept trying because it was my first baby and all and I was going to follow directions if it killed me - and my boob was roughly the size of large watermelon and as red as a stop sign and burning hot. When the doctor saw it, she gasped. That made me feel somewhat justified. But the antibiotics were miracle workers, and I felt better almost immediately. Thank God for those! Hang in there!
240. Anne said:
Not a lot to add, just glad the antibiotics have kicked in. And message for Marlo - let Mama get some rest OK? I promise it's better for you too.
(Oh and the scaremongerers above - please ignore them. 'Cos they can't diagnose you over the Interwebs, no matter how much they want to.)
241. Debi said:
I read Dooce all the time and never comment, but I had to comment on this one. I had mastitis with daughter #2 as well, and I remember thinking that the poor baby would never know what it was like to nurse from a mother who was not either on fire with fever or dripping sweat all over her from a breaking fever. Holy misery, that mastitis. Yes, the antibiotics will help, and yes, the rest will help too. The rest is sadly quite important. My midwife recommended to me that I take what she affectionately called a "nursing holiday," where I hole up topless in my bedroom with a ton of fluids, healthy snacks, and the baby, also topless, for a couple of days. I tried it, while my parents watched daughter #1. It lasted about 6 hours, but ahhh...those six hours felt great...
Good luck! Hang in there! My two are now sitting on the couch watching Backyardigans together, barely having fought for ten straight minutes. They are 7 and 3.5. Somehow I got from there (described above) to here. :)
242. Rosemarie said:
Glad you're feeling better. Recovering is hard enough without mastitis to contend with. Regarding the masthead, if anyone is allowed any slack it should CERTAINLY be a woman who just had a baby. And remember....the sleeplessness doesn't last forever. It only seems like it right now!
243. alayna said:
OKAY! I just read that comment from "disconcerting." How sweet. Have some more giggles & sunshine, why don'tcha? Sheesh! Some people just love to be the bearers of bad news - I'm sure you just have mastitis - just take your medicine and rest!
244. No-L said:
Hey, I got told I have Zac Efron's hair today. So, y'know... yeah. Just wanted to share.
Cuz it's just about as relevant as someone saying your masthead sends a bad message.
Feel better. I can only imagine that pain. OW.
245. Katie said:
You are seriously funny. The way you write is pure genius. I hope you feel better soon! But hey, it did pose for some great writing material :)
246. Robyn said:
Mastitis is utterly, utterly miserable--had it with my firstborn--it appears out of the blue and literally feels like having full-blown Type A flu coupled with nearly unbearable pain.
For those of you thinking all of us who've said how bad it sucks are melodramatic, I assure you, we're not exaggerating an iota. Plugging a small but efficient vampire onto the affected side to nurse dozens of times a day was even more fun...oh, my God. My toes clench just remembering it.
Dooce, I wouldn't care if you left your June masthead up forever. It's hands-down your best ever--instant classic.
Hope you're feeling much, much better tonight!
247. Amy said:
God, I love you. And am also very sorry for your pain, damn good for nothing boobies, start functioning as you should. Oh yes, and I love your mast head. It makes me want to get pregnant and light one up.
248. Lisa said:
Heather:
The nursing on all fours idea works! I know...also this may be obvious but make sure any bras you have aren't too tight..this can make clogged ducts worse. If Marlo won't cooperate (my first wouldn't do this) you can get on all fours, soak in warm water and than pump a little. It will offer relief. Hope you feel better!
249. Wendy said:
Oh suck. I had both mastitis and thrush. Somehow, even though it caused less actual pain, the thrush was worse; wanting to itch your nipples right off makes you feel more than a bit deranged.
I'd suggest taking some capsuled acidophilus and other probiotics from the health food store in addition to the yogurt. It's much more potent and has a better chance of reaching your digestive tract alive. I think there's a kind called reuteri that is actually resistant to antibiotics, but I may have dreamed that.
Good luck, sister. And I suggest you leave June's masthead up till Christmas... just on general principle. Anyone who can squeeze a baby out of their body is entitled. Also, because it pisses the morons off. (heh, I just reread this for spelling and thought that when I typed 'morons' that I'd said 'Mormons', which is probably both true and funny.)
250. AEH said:
Heather,
I have not had mastitis. I do have 3 1/2 year old twins and an 8 month old. Hellacious post partum crap after the twins. I wish I had known about your book then. I have a little extra time this week, so I'd be more than happy to go beat the shit out of masthead and disconcerting, because in Alabama that's how we say I love you. (It is sarcasm, everybody relax) I might even get a little nap in the car on the way there. Best wishes.
251. Kathy said:
Ugh. Mine hit while I was in the grocery store. Suddenly I felt like I was going to hit the floor, but had to make it to the car and drive home. I blame it on my insistence on wearing underwires in my nursing bras.
252. Miss Behavin said:
Dude, mastitis sucks!
I had that when Corbin was an infant. It came about in the middle of the night, while he was having a bout of colic and screaming bloody murder for five straight hours, and my husband was working NIGHTS!
At least Jon could hold Marlo while you puked. I had Corbin in my left arm while I hugged the toilet with my right.
And I had the uncontrollable shakes because of the chills, which helped to vibrate the baby, because movement is supposed to help with colic, only it really pissed him off instead.
I hope you feel better soon.
253. Renee said:
Mastitis is the devil!!!! A friend of my sweetly called it "milk fever," and I wanted to jump her when there were no witnesses for making it sound so harmless!
Haven't these jokers who are demanding entertainment from you heard of maternity leave!? I would so take my sweet time updating the masthead just to be spiteful!
254. Berit said:
Delurking to say follow the advice of the sage interwebs and TAKE SOME MATERNITY LEAVE, LADY! We'll all be here, stalking your site with baited breath for the return of your brilliantly sarcastic posts just as soon as the glass/fire is evicted from your boob and you've had time to maybe even take a shower (gasp!).
ps quite fittingly, my recaptcha is "its purplish".
255. Ashlee Ryel said:
Cabbage leaves can reduce the swelling but they can also make your milk dry up. I think the masthead is funny! I think your doing a great job. Mastitis is an evil bitch and way to go for conquering her! Keep kicking ass and who cares what the naysayers think!!!
256. Mo said:
My favorite part about the clogged ducts is how your milk gland become snakes made of rocks that scream at you when you touch them. And bite you from the inside. Of your boob.
And then someone hands you a cabbage leaf, and you're all, do you not see the snakes biting the inside of my boob? Let me show you the horrific outline of a swollen rock-hard snake-gland again. That's right, RUN AWAY!
I like your masthead. It makes me laugh.
257. TS said:
Ugh, I feel for you. I've had mastitis a couple of times, and one time it ended up leading to thrush. Do everything you can to prevent that!!
Thanks for the update, but really, take some time off for yourself, your boobs, and your family. We'll still be here when you're ready to post again. xoxo
258. Kristi said:
Oh yes big boob pains! I had thrush and then because of it my son started latching badly. So watch out for that because then it can make the pain last longer. Take acidophilus. You can get it in the vitamin section. It'll help keep thrush away. It's a bit stronger then the yogurt. Good luck! And to the people giving you a hard time about the masthead...you can't whip those puppies out in a couple of minutes...and in those couple of minutes a new Mom may have...we'd like to take a minute to be able to go pee.
Umm un-related topic...but my words that I have to type in to stop the spam are
"police groped"
best one yet!
259. Nancy said:
To be honest, I figured things would slow down for a while with a new baby. If you worked in an office, you would be on maternity leave so what's the big deal if posts are a bit slow for a while? I think life will go on if your masthead is a bit behind. Take your time and get better.
260. Melissa said:
Major kudos just for the fact that after no more then 2 hours sleep AND mastitis you wrote that blog post. You are my hero.
261. Elizabeth said:
NOT THAT YOU ARE GOING TO GET IT, but: There is something for the thrush - you paint it on your nipples (and then they are purple - just to add to the fun) and it's OK for baby too, will help the child not get it/get rid of it in the child's mouth too...it's called gentian violet. My pediatrician suggested it when I had my 2nd and I used it with my 3rd too. It's non-prescription...I hope you don't need it!!
262. jennifer said:
"Giggles, balloons and pony rides", I died laughing!
Whenever shitty times are happening I like to say that it's all, "Rainbows and buttercups and gumdrops and kittens!" That usually gets the point across.
Have fun, um, nursing your own boobs back to health.
263. Anonymous said:
I had mastitis with my second child as well....it was hell I hope you are feeling better soon! Marlo looks so sweet, congratulations on making your family even more complete.
264. Anonymous said:
Ha. I know some of your other comments mention this, but I just knew it had to be mastitis before I got to the part where you told us it was. On my parents dairy farm the cows would get it, and we would have to separate the milk from the teet so it wouldn't get in the milk people drink. I didn't know people could get it, but I guess I don't see why not. My dad used to try to gross us kids out by calling cottage cheese mastitis.
So it goes.
(PS. I do hope you are feeling better)
265. Jessica said:
Dear Dooce,
I love you! You can make me laugh about anything. Glad you're doing better.
266. Jo said:
The MastHead-Complainer-Man is a total loser who has no comprehension of jokes. You should block him.
267. Carrie said:
You just don't get a break, do you?
268. KT said:
What a bunch of complete idiots...I certainly hope none of the masthead nazis are parents. Just finding the time to use the bathroom is a major accomplishment having a newborn around. Hope you're feeling better quickly!
269. Amanda B said:
A hot pad helps. One of the microwavable kind. My daughter helped clear the clog after I had a hot pack on the boob. It's so gross, but it helped so much.
270. Alice said:
Mastitis is the WORST! I had it with my first, I really thought I was dieing! And my sister in law just had it and as a result got this horrible abscess on the bottom of her breast, it was so awful.
Hope that you avoid that particular nastiness and that you feel better soon. Rest and drugs. And spine punches for people who offer you cold cabbage leaves.
271. Meloni said:
Girl, don't you worry about that stupid man or those stupid 11 or so people who have no life and no sympathy! They are all just jealous that you get to stay at home with your cute hubby and your gorgeous girls. Like one commenter said, get rested, get better and we will all still be here just waiting to see what you say next! Love ya girl!
272. Lauren said:
Hi, guys! I think Zac Efron is totally doable, too!!
Oh Heather, you know that you're totally not joking!
And I'm surprised that you didn't get several thousand e-mails complaining of the dangers of smoking to your unborn child the second you posted that photo.
273. Anonymous said:
well i guess i can see where the masthead emails come from; this *is* your main source of revenue/business (no?), and if you're half as smart a businesswoman as you appear, i would have thought you'd have prepared for your maternity leave. would it have been difficult to prepare a masthead well in advance of your daughter's birth, then upload it or have your technologically savvy husband/business partner do it for you on 1 july? (i ask sincerely because i don't know what it entails, but as a semi intelligent person, it would appear to not be too difficult a process of changing out mastheads).
274. karen said:
I was actually hoping you'd keep that masthead for July too because it is so great ... and I bought stock in the company that makes Donettes as soon as I saw it. Just slap a firecracker on it, keep the whiners happy. Let Grammy write all the posts until Christmas, Chuck can take his own picture by now. Heck, just put a webcam on Chuck -- you're golden. Take care of yourself, Dooce.
Hope you feel better soon. I don't know how you do it all -- seriously.
275. Raina said:
Hey Heather, I'm so sorry you got mastitis. I would only wish that on my WORST enemy! LOL That is worse than childbirth/C-section and any other thing imaginable. Get to feeling better.
276. Miss Priss said:
Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke! Enjoy that babeh!!!
277. Amanda of Shamelessly Sassy said:
I'm personally glad the June masthead is getting extra play, as it is my personal favorite.
278. Ilyssa said:
Heather, I hope you feel better soon! So sorry about that!
Andddd I think you should just change the "June 2009" to "July 2009". You must still have the PSD saved right? Ha! It's an awesome Masthead.
Good luck with Marlo! <3
279. Laura said:
Mastitis sucks ass.
280. Kylie ... said:
Oh Heather!
I know how much mastitis hurts. Try to get as much rest as possible, take the entire course of your antibiotics and DO NOT put cabbage leaves anywhere near your nipples unless you're desperate for your milk supply to dry up.
Hope you're feeling much better soon.
281. kym b said:
whoa, totally have had a bout of mastitis with each of my 3 kids and i can feel your pain. my boobs are cringing just thinking about it actually.
not so sure about the cabbage leaf suggestion since that is what i used (and is suggested for) stopping engorgement when you quit nursing. it will make your milk dry up.
massaging the offending breast in a super-hot shower helped me tons (along with the antibiotics and probiotic pills). i'm sure jon would be happy to help you with that.
282. Lesley said:
I am dying to know what cabbage does for mastitis. People, you can't just post a comment like that with elaborating.
As for nursing Marlo on all fours to "drain the quadrant" - I really didn't need that visual, commenter.
As said before, a pox on people obsessing over Internet mastheads. May your HEADS get MASTitis.
283. Melissa Jones said:
I had mastitis with my first child, and I think your post just made me have phantom pains...
I really don't know how you deal with all of the crap that must grace your inbox.
Feel better!
284. Megan said:
What a jerk face for complaining. Obviously not a true follower if he's complaining. I wonder how well he would function w/ mastitis of his yoohoo. Probably not at all. I hope you feel better, and that it doesn't come back.
285. EOMama said:
Girlfriend, do NOT get back on your computer until that mastitis clears up!!! You need rest, water, your meds, and probiotics and nothing more! Take care of yourself. I will never ever ever ever forget how much mastitis sucks ASS. Feeling your pain out here in New Jersey, sister. xo.
286. Zina said:
I have the same advice my sister-in-law gave me and which actually helped clear a plugged duct: nurse lying down, and point the baby's head towards your toes. The baby's suction is strongest next to their lower lip, so varying the position they nurse in can help clear a plugged duct. Or use a football hold to nurse them instead of across your body--whatever you can do to change the baby's nursing position. Obviously this won't cure mastitis, but if plugged ducts are contributing to the mastitis, this can help clear with that part of it.
So sorry you got sick. I hope you got to watch some fireworks and eat some barbecued animal parts this weekend, anyway.
My baby's four months old and I still have up the header I put up when she was a newborn. I think it should last me until she's at least year. (It helps that I don't have fifty gazillion blog readers.)
287. Tiffany said:
Seriously, people are totally ignorant. I can't believe someone would have the nerve to complain about the masthead. Idiots. To be honest, I never even noticed it said June until today, and I absolutely adore it! I think it is hilarious, and I'm PRETTY SURE that if someone's 5 year old is smoking it has more to do with mom and dad than with the masthead on dooce.com. Anyway, enough with the rant and run-on sentences; love your site and your babies are totally adorable. Feel better soon!
288. cj coats said:
I had it with BOTH my kids, and the latter time it was double mastitis and almost put me in the hospital. Had to dry up completely after that. I feel your pain. It does want to make you die. Horrible. I think skinny white chicks with small boobs (when not preggo or lactating) get it most. Holy hell, the pain. Hang in there.
289. Zina said:
I heart comment #23. Very clever.
290. Calamity Jill said:
I completely zoned out and tried to imagine the life that constitutes waking up to a buffet. I'm not coming back.
291. Doreen said:
Shit, as far as the masthead goes, have Jon change the "ne" in June to "ly" and call it a day.
292. Mel said:
Agreeing completely with everyone else - TAKE CARE OF THE BOOBIES! Frack the masthead. As much as I love reading your posts, seriously, the boobies are in charge now and you have to do what they say. I second the massaging in the very hot shower, also helped to do cold compresses made out of frozen pea bags, lots of fluids and chocolate brownies are necessary too.
293. nicole said:
OK, as a student of microbiology, I hate to break it to you, but the yogurt isn't going to help anything but your pooper and your mouth with the thrush. The anti-fungal properties of yogurt have more to do with the live bacteria in there colonizing instead of an opportunistic fungus like thrush (candida, yeast) replacing the bacteria the antibiotics would kill. Unless you apply the yogurt directly to your cooter or to your nipples, the bacteria isn't going to get anywhere useful... it will not get into your bloodstream and be magically delivered to the affected area. Bacteria is not supposed to get through your intestines into the blood stream, otherwise we would always be septic. If it did get into your bloodstream your immune system would kill 'em.
Get an antifungal solution for your nipples and Monostat for your coot. Hope this helps.
294. Craig said:
I fucking LOVE your new masthead. Keep up the good work! Congrats on the baby!
295. Anonymous said:
Glad you are feeling somewhat better Heather - Hang in there!
I emailed Heather over the weekend, but for the benefit of anyone else who ever gets mastitis: I found that newborns often take a while to help the mother regulate milk production. So, for some, no matter how much the baby eats, there is too much milk at first. Therefore, draining the breasts COMPLETELY with a good electric breast pump a few times a day, prevents the milk ducts from getting clogged and infected. The added benefit is that you can freeze the extra for a few months in special breast milk storage bags and use it in a pinch.
296. Brie said:
My trick for mastitis is to make sure the breast gets drained. I had a lump on top of my breast so I made the baby nurse upside down (picture us lying down for this) and with his chin where the lump was he managed to drain it.
Good luck!
297. klssy said:
Don't put a date on the next masthead you put up...problem solved, haters silenced, more time to hold that gorgeous baby!
298. eva said:
Oh yuck. I got horrific mastitis (not just the regular weeny stuff) on July 1, 2008. When my daughter was six and a half months old!! Three rounds of antibiotics and aggressice probiotics and yogurt through the ying yang later, and along with wicked skin ulcers on my nipples.....it was finally FINALLY gone forever. I feel your pain. The sweats and chills and UGH EW all of it. And the pain, oh my gawd the pain. Take all teh time you need with your masthead (in case you needed my permission). At least the antibiotics kick in quickly.
299. June said:
You should totally use an image of the unmatched tiles for your July masthead. THEN they'll be sorry they bugged you.
Sorry about your left hoot.
300. Hokie Deb said:
-->Can you make a new masthead that tells people like #273 to JAM IT!
I'm glad you got some drugs to help with the breastfeeding.
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