Where am I?
Surprisingly, only a few dozen people have written to chastise me about the state of my masthead, most of them quick to say hey you, blogger who blogs on her Internet blog, don't you know what month it is? Let's just for a moment consider that I haven't once had more than two consecutive hours of sleep in the last three weeks. Dude, I have no idea what year it is. I'm lucky to remember my name most days and have more than once said, "Yes, dear?" when Jon called out for Chuck.
I'm aiming to have something new up in the next few days, I promise, if only because there was this one guy who was REALLY SERIOUS about what a bad example I'm setting for the kids by having that unlit cigarette hanging out of my mouth, especially SINCE I WAS PREGNANT AND ALL, and was I aware of the potentially awful things that cigarette smoke could do to an unborn baby? Hmmm... I'm pretty sure the angels in heaven forgot to turn on the portion of his brain that recognizes sarcasm, or maybe this guy just needs a quick one up the pooper.
Things got even more complicated around here at about 4AM Saturday morning when I woke up to feed Marlo and my left breast felt like someone had sliced it open and shoved in a handful of broken glass. I thought I'd try to ignore it, and oh, moan in silence? Bite my lip until I was drowning in a puddle of blood? What was I thinking, YOU CANNOT IGNORE THAT KIND OF PAIN. So I tapped a sleeping Jon on the shoulder and whispered, "Honey, can you take the baby, I think I'm dying."
I immediately headed for the kitchen where we keep the Advil, and I don't even remember how I made it the fifty or so feet from the bed to the medicine cabinet, but there I am taking a couple of pills and next thing you know I can barely stand up. And I guess while reaching for the countertop to steady myself I knocked over the glass of water I used to take the pills and it went crashing into a thousand pieces on the floor. Somehow I make it back to the bedroom when suddenly I'm overcome with the need to puke, and Jon is all, what was that crash? And I'm all, what crash? And he's all, THE CRASH THAT SOUNDED LIKE A CAR FLEW THROUGH OUR FRONT DOOR. And I'm all, why are you moving your mouth and talking to me, can't you see I need to vomit?
Several Google searches later and I realize I have mastitis. If you want to know more about this condition just go click that link, but if you're looking for the condensed definition it's basically inflammation and infection of the breast tissue that can be caused by a clogged milk duct or bacteria that has somehow made its way in through the nipple. Sounds fun, I know, it's been nothing but giggles, balloons, and pony rides over here, except for the twelve hours I spent in bed yesterday with chills, aches, and a 102 degree fever. My doc called in a prescription for antibiotics, and they finally kicked in last night, and the relief I felt was not unlike what I imagine Marlo feels when she wakes up from a nap, sees the outline of my boob and is all SHUT UP, ANOTHER BUFFET?!
So I'm eating yogurt with probiotics to try and avoid the possibility of thrush, and I'm continuing to rest to make sure my body can adequately fight the infection. That last part is proving to be the most frustrating aspect of this because all I want to do is get up and organize my now completely disheveled life, starting with maybe, you know, updating the bad example that is my current masthead. For the kids. Who read this website after playing Barbies and singing along to the High School Musical soundtrack. Hi, guys! I think Zac Efron is totally doable, too!! LOLZ!!
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- Jon fell asleep and started snoring at 7:15 last night. I thought, wow, that sounds like fun. I call this Adding That Second Child.
- Office remodel, episode two: http://bit.ly/dmqDas
- Leta, after saving her money for six months to buy a toy and purchasing it this afternoon: "Today is the best day of my entire life."
katie said:
Are people really complaining about the masthead? They need to get a life pronto. You just had a baby for crying out loud!
07.06.09 - 01:13 PM / 1EMAH said:
I hear cabbage leaves help . . . and antibiotics.
07.06.09 - 01:15 PM / 2Lisa said:
ilu
07.06.09 - 01:15 PM / 3J said:
Been there too man and glad to hear you're back to getting well.
Zack Efron is so rad. ROFLOL. :)
07.06.09 - 01:15 PM / 4Frau Klugscheisser said:
Hope you'll soon be better.
07.06.09 - 01:16 PM / 5Anna said:
Go back to bed and rest! I've been "lucky" enough to have mastitis five times so I defintely know how much it sucks. Take Marlo to bed and hang out there until you feel better, rest and antibiotics work wonders.
07.06.09 - 01:16 PM / 6SwedishPankakes said:
Rebecca over at Girls Gone Child had mastitis too awhile back. Really makes me want to re-think the whole having-kids-and-then-letting-them-feed-on-me thing.
07.06.09 - 01:16 PM / 7cari said:
i love the masthead.. i think you should keep it up ...
FOREVER.
07.06.09 - 01:16 PM / 8Erin said:
Heather, I really feel for you and the last thing you need is to be harrassed by your own readers. There's lots of other juicy stuff on the web to distract them until you get back on your feet. Hope you feel better soon - I've said it before - we'll be here when you're ready!
07.06.09 - 01:16 PM / 9Lisa B in Seattle said:
Ouch! Poor Heather!
07.06.09 - 01:17 PM / 10Jackie said:
Ouch!!
Hope you feel better soon.
Anyone complaining hasn't had a baby, or been around a new born for longer then 5mins. Rest, and take care of your family. We'll still be here to read when you feel better.
07.06.09 - 01:17 PM / 11Haven Einstein-Arthur said:
I hope you are feeling better. I wanted to let you know that your blog is one of the highlights of my ultra exciting life as a stay at home mom of a 3 year old girl and a almost 2 year old boy. Congrats on Marlo.
07.06.09 - 01:17 PM / 12Anonymous said:
Aw. (: You're so witty. And yes, please get to it. It's unbalancing my entire life. I can no longer sleep at night because of it. Ha.
07.06.09 - 01:17 PM / 13giggloki said:
Aww poor boobs. You have my sympathy.
07.06.09 - 01:17 PM / 14Anne said:
haha seriously people have been complaining about the mast head? I noticed it was still June but was like "Oh yeah, she has a NEWBORN BABY!" The Internet is an amazing place, seriously.
And thanks to your tweet about mastitis I've learned another new thing about the joy of pregnancy and having children. I swear another 10 years till I consider kids. :P
Hope you feel better soon though. <3
07.06.09 - 01:17 PM / 15Megan@Blueberry Scones said:
I second the cabbage leaves suggestion, and ice, ice baby. (Ice, ice!)
I hope it works out for you - that HURTS.
07.06.09 - 01:18 PM / 16Meagan D said:
I can't believe people are really emailing you about the masthead, they must be the people that have never actually given birth.
Keep up the good work, I personally am surprised that we are even seeing actual posts from you. I know that if I were in your shoes, I would be taking advantage of getting in yet another 2 hour nap.
Hope that you feel better soon.
07.06.09 - 01:18 PM / 17Dharma said:
dood - screw Mr. Not-So-Funny and leave the damn masthead up until Marlo is 6 years old...you know, when you start putting whole sentences together again and your boobs are not exploding like Russian missiles off your chest in the wee hours of the morning....
take care of you,
Dharma
07.06.09 - 01:18 PM / 18Elizabeth_K said:
Oh I loved all the sunshine and sleepiness and beautiful babies coming from this site recently, and I'm so sorry it was stopped for even a day by horrid terrible pain. Take care of yourself, and so proud and excited of/by you and your family! You guys are doing awesome.
07.06.09 - 01:18 PM / 19moggit girls said:
Mastitis. Another thing our mothers never warned us about.
07.06.09 - 01:18 PM / 20darcy said:
as a nineteen year old reader, i think i'm caught somewhere in between high school musical and that senile world where sarcasm is dead, but i've enjoyed reading dooce.com for the past four years, and still do! don't worry, your nonchalance is the best part of the whole thing. sorry to hear you're feeling so awful- don't worry about updating, just get well and spend time with your family! speaking of the rest of the gang, send a hello to lou- i'm a big fan.
07.06.09 - 01:18 PM / 21Kristan said:
Aw, I hope you feel better!
Since I'm queen of the world, I say leave your masthead as is. It's funny enough to stay up all year. :)
07.06.09 - 01:19 PM / 22Tara said:
Oh no... mastitis and mastheaditis at once?! Hope you feel better soon!
07.06.09 - 01:19 PM / 23natalie said:
I feel your pain...i had mastitis on day 6 postpartum in March...I too thought I was going to die from the fevera and chills alone! We so need a medal for what we put our bodies through.
07.06.09 - 01:19 PM / 24Grammar Snob said:
I heard cabbage leaves, too. Cooked, I think...but I'm not sure. Cole slaw in a pinch? No idea.
I thought the other day when I remembered it was July that you'd probably have a million weirdos telling you to change the masthead.....all men I'm sure. Your response should be this: "Why don't you come over and breast feed the baby while I do it. Asshole." Or maybe...."sure, I'll update the masthead after I have a chance to eat something, feed the baby, shower, feed the baby, feed the toddler, feed the dog, the husband, the other dog, now the baby's hungry again and I never got a shower, now the toddler's hungry again.....what did you want again? Asshole.
07.06.09 - 01:19 PM / 25Milla said:
why are you wasting time on the internet when you have a newborn in the house?!! go on with your bad self. take your time. we're not going anywhere.
07.06.09 - 01:19 PM / 26Amanda said:
I had mastitis with my second daughter and let me tell you I feel your pain. I actually thought it was jut that I wasn't able to nurse often enough (it was after I returned to work) so when I reached the babysitters I was anxious to nurse hoping it would relieve the pain except when I walked in the door I passed out. PAINFUL!!
Ok so I could care less about the date on the masthead my only complaint is I have 2 weeks left in my pregnancy and all I want to eat is powdered sugar donuts. That is your fault :) Hope you feel better soon!
07.06.09 - 01:20 PM / 27Marisa said:
I had mastitis too, when my daughter was 5 months old. It sucked big time, luckily I didn't puke (although I felt like it) so I can relate! Hope you get to feeling better real soon. And by the way your newest daughter is adorable!!
07.06.09 - 01:20 PM / 28Rev Dr Mom said:
Seriously, we're all big kids here and we know you JUST HAD A BABY...so take as long as you need for the masthead and get as much rest as you can. We're not going anywhere. And hope the mastitis clears up pronto~
07.06.09 - 01:20 PM / 29Allison said:
I had it to....Cabbage leaves and of course the antibiotics. Unbelievable amount of pain! I feel for ya.
07.06.09 - 01:20 PM / 30