36 weeks
Last week was the 36th of my pregnancy, and as of this past Sunday I'm officially less than three weeks away from my due date. I can't believe I'm going to go ahead and admit this but, Internet, I've been eating powdered doughnuts THIS WHOLE TIME:
Just think about all those empty calories screwing with the baby's brain development. I know, I know. YOU'VE REALLY CROSSED THE LINE THIS TIME, ARMSTRONG!
So me and my body are not getting along, or maybe I should say that my body and my brain are not communicating very well and would benefit from a rigorous session of couples therapy. I've got all these ideas and plans in my head, none of them too elaborate or insane, just simple things like the rearrangement of boxes in the garage, and it's like a team of menacing invaders have stationed themselves in various extremities of my body and are conspiring to take me down: ATTENTION! HOST ORGANISM THINKS SHE'S GOING TO LIFT A TOOLBOX. SEND CRIPPLING PAIN FROM HIP TO SHIN.
Once I'm flat on my back they're implementing strategies to keep me in that position, like paralyzing my lower back, seizing the muscles in my abdomen, and cramping both legs. I think they're responsible for the broken pinky toe on my left foot because just yesterday they tried to break the pinky toe on my right one. Like, this crazy woman thinks she's just going to continue on with her life as if nothing ever happened. Fine, alert the team in her right leg to involuntarily kick at every object between here and the front door. COFFEE TABLE HIT! COFFEE TABLE HIT! Did we break any bones? Draw blood? Is there searing pain sending her to the floor? Good work! We'll celebrate when the moaning has reached such a pitch that the spouse has left the house and purposefully driven the car into a tree.
And then last night I was changing into my pajamas when I noticed a giant rash across the lower half of my butt. I have watched enough Discovery Health Channel to know that rashes, especially ones during pregnancy, are not harbingers of good things. It's not like, ooh goodie! A rash! This means I'm going to give birth to a giant basket of Snickers bars! It's more like, uh oh. A rash. Guess I'll get that EMERGENCY C-SECTION I ALWAYS WANTED.
I started to panic and had to contort my body in all sorts of weird positions to get a good look at it in the mirror, and I would not have blamed Jon had he jumped straight through the glass window in our bedroom to escape the abject gore of that kind of self-diagnosis. Hoo boy, if that image isn't an effective form of birth control. Son, put on a condom lest you one day be forced into the same room as an oblong whale attempting to inspect its own ass.
I had giant hexagonal-shaped spots the color of blood all across my butt, and just as I was about to spiral down that hole of WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE, Jon reminded me that we had spent the Memorial Day holiday with my family at a park. And had been sitting for hours at a picnic table whose benches were made of a metal woven in a hexagonal shape. And that perhaps ALL THAT EXTRA WEIGHT I'm carrying caused the blood to pool in such a pattern on my butt. I gently suggested that he rephrase his explanation and strike the word WEIGHT from his vocabulary, or at least resist the temptation to use it in front of his 37-weeks pregnant wife. And while he's at it, how about fetching me that box of Donettes! Also, don't forget that bottle of Hershey's syrup, you know how I like to have something to wash down all that powder.
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
1. KAS said:
Dear sweet god almighty and all of his cousins, I love you so much, Heather. Those pictures are hilarious and wonderful and I want to cry I'm laughing so hard .. I'm only a few weeks behind you and I have to say that shit, you pulled off that look better than I could have ..
I love you. Keep it up. You're making my pregnancy easier to tolerate. <3
2. Christine said:
YEAH BABY!!!! You are awesome.
3. KAS said:
And holy shit! I got first comment! I've never done that before! Oh my god, my life is complete.
...
Either that or I'm more of an addict than I originally thought.
Have to go pay attention to the toddler now ..
4. Susie said:
I LOVE those pictures! As for the rash... HAhahaha!! Good luck for the remainder of your pregnancy... it will soon be over.
5. gwendolyn said:
I almost spit out my black tea. very funny. my sister is due any day now. im childless out of 7 siblings so i love hearing these stories. i find all pregnant women become comedians. i mean. otherwise it seems you would always be crying!
6. Mary said:
Photos totally made my day!! :D
7. april said:
good god- you are amazing.
little doughnuts! so good, so trashy.
keep up the good work.
8. Geegee said:
The PBR can in the pants...genius!
You *are* awesome. And that has to be the funniest set of photos ever!
9. Danielle said:
Awesome!! LOVE the pics. Empathize with rash. Just think.. in a few weeks you will be laughing. er, maybe not..
10. Heather's Garden said:
Love, love, love the photos!
11. Jon Pugh said:
You are the funniest person ever!
12. Em said:
I've never been pregnant but am secretly looking forward to the day I can wear jeans with a giant elastic waistband. Now however, I see no reason to wait if I can use them to carry cans of PBR around. Think of how much beer a non-pregnant chick could fit in there!
13. Misia said:
You look hot in red lipstick!
14. leesavee said:
Brilliantly trashy! Makes me want to get knocked up...
15. Julia said:
Okay, I thought the photos with the tutu and tiara were amazing, but these just might take the cake.
16. Amanda said:
Amazing. Every Pregnant woman should carry PBR in the lovely stretchy part of their pants.
Dooce=Love
17. Jeri said:
Two words: Donette Armstrong
18. Maura said:
Who knew that maternity pants were stretchy at the top simply as a means of keeping a beer can handy?!
All that comes to mind is: White Trash Mommy Dearest, as you have a very Joan Crawford-esque look about you there. Too funny.
19. Julie said:
You are at the very least, the most attractive knocked up trailer trash I have ever seen.
AND I LIVE IN MISSISSIPPI.
20. Beth said:
Mmmmm...donettes
I envy you.
Six months before I got pregnant, I was diagnosed with a wheat/gluten intolerance. Do you know how hard it is to go through pregnancy without donuts, lucky charms, real bread, etc etc etc??? Oh, I envy you. ;)
21. Cat said:
LOVE the photos, although...aren't the chemicals in that lipstick full of baby-endangering carcinogens and isn't mascara the Devil?
22. Carrie said:
LOVE the pictures!! Reminds me of a t-shirt that I often sported during my first pregnancy indicating that it was 5 o'clock somehwere! Tacky yet comfortable and one of the few things left that would fit!
23. Micaela said:
LOVE IT! Good acting skills there! I don't know how you did it without laughing.
24. hoskas said:
That lipstick is delicious.
25. Jessica said:
Sweet Jesus. You have balls. I love it!
26. The J said:
Awesome! Those pictures are hilarious. Great Idea.
The tattoo is a nice touch :)
Mmmh… donuts… What's that drink you got there? I'm not from the USA, so I don't know, but I'm curious.
27. sandra said:
Are you sure you weren't raised in Horn Lake instead of Bartlett?
Only someone from the Memphis area would get this!
28. Mel Heth said:
This Rules. Hilarious.
29. Kathryn said:
I don't think I've ever commented before, but this one was the dam breaker. You're one funny, very pregnant chick! LOVED the pictures and post!
30. HolyShite said:
I've never heard so much complaining about a broken toe in my entire life.
31. Anonymous said:
those photos are effing awesome!
32. Chrissy said:
Holy Crap - I just laughed so hard a little pee squeezed out (time for more kegels). Those pictures are priceless - baby book worthy for sure!!
33. lark said:
I'm 31 weeks and the drug store sells tubs of cotton candy that my DH has to watch me eat in the car outside of the dog park because I just can't wait until after we let the dog play.
Because I'm selfish. And the baby really needs pink sugar fluff to grow fat and happy.
34. Christy Wood said:
You totally look like a model from W magazine, it's that I-just-had-my-ass-kicked-and-I-like-it look....I have to go back and read the post now. Jaw dropped....LOL at these photos. Hilarious. Do one more with a tooth blacked out...that would be the cherry on top. :-)
35. jessica said:
I love the Material Girl look! You are hilarious.
I think that men should strike the word "weight" from their vocabulary at all times--at least in reference to their partner. It's a no win situation.
36. Aspen said:
The pictures are amazing but it was this sentence that just led to spit coffee all over my work laptop:
"Son, put on a condom lest you one day be forced into the same room as an oblong whale attempting to inspect its own ass."
You are hilarious.
37. Amy said:
'shopped!
(It doesn't count if you don't light the ciggie or open the beer, my dear!)
Hilarious.
38. Lori W said:
No Jeri I have a better one.
Vancenne Armstrong
Heather you crack me up!!! Is this look left over from when you were undecover with the Salt Lake Sheriff's on a hooker raid!
39. Becky said:
That can of PBR is a hoot! Whose idea was it for that photo shoot? Jon must have been laughing so hard! I mean... LOOK AT YOUR HAIR!!!!! 37 weeks photo? I really think you need to give Leta some doughnuts and have her plant some big powdery white smooches on your fabulous baby belly!
40. shaygo said:
great, now i want donuts. . .and beer. and maternity pants.
41. Samantha said:
HAHA. I died.
42. Comic Mummy said:
Holy White Trash Scully! Seriously, I was thinking these were posted from a Gillian Anderson photoshoot!
43. Nik said:
Killer shots!
First time I'm commenting from Canada and although I'm not NEAR as funny on paper (errr, blog) as you, it is so refreshing to have someone who has similar thoughts running through her head who can coherently put them in clever and witty form.
Thanks for making my day :)
44. Stephanie said:
HAHA! Those pictures are priceless. I love that you did this.
45. Dharma said:
your "hexagonal" issue reminds me of when I was pregnant with "Number 2" as we affectionately refer to him....
I had been at an all day baseball tourney with Boy#1 and was swollen up like a water buffalo, leaning against the chainlink for the better part of the afternoon. You know, yelling like a crazed Mom/ Banshee at my kid who wanted to disappear through the clay dust of the diamond. The next day and for about 3 days I looked like I was selling off portions of my belly....that or creating some sort of grid system for the kids to identify if that was indeed "a foot or a chin" and what quadrant it was in....
love your stuff lady, keep it up
46. Catherine said:
I love your sense of humor. I wonder how many people will berate you just for having an unlit cigarette in your mouth haha.
47. The Army Wife said:
Best. Picture. EVER.
48. William said:
Holy cow you look like Michelle Pfeifer in Grease 2...or maybe it was the Fabulaous Baker Boys. Or maybe it was dangerous Liasons'...but without the hooped skirt.
I read this post as if you were cracking and smacking chewing gum throughout the whole thing.
49. Jessica said:
OMG. I just saw the rolled up cigarette box in the sleeve. ROFL!!
50. Joy said:
Most excellent photos.
(Jon could sell them on his site and in no time, you guys will have funded a college education for little Donette.)
51. Lindsay said:
Powdered sugar donettes are the best!
52. Jacqueline said:
Heather you are so fabulous. You make me laugh at your expense all the time & by golly I appreciate it.
53. KathyM said:
Haaaaahahaha!
PS Good luck with the last few weeks--oh, and the first few weeks, too.
54. Amanda said:
My first thought was *Lucille Ball*. These are brilliant, props to Blurb. Have a happy and comfortable last few weeks.
Also on a side note, I just finished your archives, and I have to say that it was like reading the most addicting novel ever, you know, the kind you can't put down. Thank you for making ppd that much easier to cope with.
55. ɹǝƃƃolquǝʞoʇ said:
AWESOME PHOTOS!
They look so real (because I've seen pregnant women like that)!
56. Aaron said:
Those pictures are phenomenal!
And I second #17's nomination of Donette Armstrong.
57. Kristine said:
Awesome excellent wonderful pictures.
My favorite.
58. Peach said:
I want to see the fridge picture - the PBR sitting next to the edamame. Heads would explode all over the southland...
59. hootenannie said:
Oh.
My.
LAWD.
You are my favorite person on the entire internet, ever.
60. Joy101378 said:
Funniest. Shit. Ever.
Heather, please marry me.
61. bug_mama said:
I'm a week behind you and I really appreciate the fact that I repeatedly read your posts and think "Thank god, someone else is going through that. It's not just in my head."
PS: Maternity belts help with sciatic pain. Giant elastic and velcro belts FTW.
62. Shelly said:
I love the beer in the waistband.
You're almost there. Whether you feel it or not, you actually look terrific.
63. JHud said:
best preggo post yet! good work.
64. Tricia said:
I was trying to figure out how your bathroom tiles managed to get tattooed on your butt... the park bench ending is hilarious! So glad it turned out to be the powdered donuts' fault and not anything more serious. ;)
We spent most of the weekend terrified that my husband has oral cancer, due to a sudden large lump on the inside of his lower lip. And I do mean large-- the size of a marble; he couldn't drink his coffee without dribbling down his shirt. Well, after a Sunday trip to the emergency care clinic, some fervent online research and scheduling an appointment with an oral surgeon, he walks up to me early this morning and says, "hey honey, guess what came out of that bump? A whisker!" Thank God.
65. mommaruthsays said:
If more pregnant women had the sense of humor to take maternity shots like this, then the world would be a lot less tight-assed :)
thanks, dooce!
66. Lori Magno said:
This may be my favorite post ever - and I've been reading since 2002!
Fingers crossed, prayers going up and all sorts of well wishes for a smooth and happy delivery! (And then gallons of tequila!)
-Lori
67. the niffer said:
OMFG you are hilarious.
68. beth said:
I just peed my pants. YOU. ARE. AWESOME.
69. Jenny said:
O dear god. I just fell out of my chair and peed my pants laughing.
70. Jennifer W. said:
Sweet holy crap, I am now SO excited about the possibility of having a second baby. Tutu's, cigarette's, you are having too much fun this time around.
Also I love that in the 1-1/2 minutes it took me to read this you have 20 + more comments than when I started. You's be a might popular me's think.
71. Lynne said:
Freaking hysterical, Heather. PLEASE will you promise to post the VILE hate emails you get on this? Oh pleeeeeease!
And, Jeri, I agree that Donette is a perfect name. Donette Blue Armstrong. Perfect.
72. Michelle said:
Dude! Is it still called "trolling" if you're doing it on your own site?
(No pejorative here, BTW. I fully approve of this crazy-baiting, no matter what name you call it by. Just please tell me that PBR wasn't chilled, because I'm all squirmy and goosebumpy and ticklish just looking at it.)
73. lisa-marie said:
HA! Those pictures are hilarious! Great job!
74. Rachel said:
LOVE the pictures. Absolute perfection! :)
75. Orange said:
Now, why isn't Smokin' Drinkin' Mama showing us her hexagonal ass spots? I guess that would work best with an accompanying tramp-stamp tat.
76. Amy said:
The PBR really sets it off. A hearty pat on the back to Jon for supplying (I assume) the cigarette from his secret stash...just a guess. Though I hope you walked into the gas station and bought both the beer and smokes with your belly hanging out. The cashier probably tried to drag you to church.
77. Kaylyn said:
Oh my GOD heather, those pictures are hilarious! I just love that you and Jon have such an awesome sense of humor!
I can't wait to read the comments of the jackass' out there who think you were really smoking that cigarette. I bet they will be great!
78. Cortney said:
Brilliant!
79. Maura said:
This post is exactly why i read this blog. I was laughing out loud in my office at work.
Love it.
80. Elizabeth_K said:
You look gorgeous ... I'm sure baby loves her cigarettes and beer as much as anyone ...
81. Robin G. said:
I can't believe you're getting away with a) very little weight gain aside from the belly itself, and b) no stretch marks. Seriously, how did you pull this off? You're drinking the blood of virgins, aren't you?
Also, the Pabst really adds the final touch. Awesome.
82. Jamie said:
I don't usually comment, but goshdarnit, this is completely FANTASTIC. $#%&, Anna Wintour.
83. Michelle said:
And depending how hot Utah gets at this time of year, these 3 weeks take LONGER than the preceding 37 - Good Luck!
84. Alyxherself said:
You do look so sexy all smeared up like that.
But waay too clean to pull off "trailer trash".
Minor inconsistancy would be that if you were trailer trash you would just unzip and fold the sides of your levis under to create instant maternity pants :)
85. marie said:
these pictures own. you are now the president of the internet.
86. Robert B said:
All I can say is, holy shit! Your traffic will skyrocket.
87. Anne said:
Looking mighty fine there Mrs. Armstrong. I especially like the beer tucked away in your pants. :) You rule. :)
88. Anonymous said:
Beer, big hair, smart and witty, plus Mormon! These are a few of my favorite things.
89. Tobi said:
I can't think of anything in recent history - not even my puppy sleeping with her legs completely spread apart - that I love more than this series of pregnancy pictures.
90. Susan said:
What a delight to open *this* blog...LOL. You crack me up,girl. Poor Jon...and Donette.
91. Corinne said:
Reminds me a touch of Lucille Ball. Quite hilarious, really!
92. Chris said:
You look better than ever! You don't even look puffy. Donettes agree with you! I like the red lipstick and heavy liner - you actually can pull it off.
Glad the butt rash is nothing serious. Maybe you should consider wearing clogs or crocs [I know you hate them, but...] to protect your little piggies until baby girl #2 arrives.
93. Daddy Scratches said:
Funniest. Thing. Ever.
Seriously, that might be the funniest thing you've ever done on this site. Bravo.
94. Olga said:
Love the picture! You rock!
95. Yolanda said:
Oh how I want a set of notecards with these images on them.
I'm sorry the invaders are trying to have a way with your body. I remember that feeling all too well. Wait, the invaders never left and my baby is almost two. Here's hoping you have a better time evicting them than I did.
96. Joeythegirl said:
A "WT" family portrait would be even more Awesome right about now!
97. quinn cummings said:
You look purdy. Your inner alien overlord chose well.
98. Tine said:
*snort* That is all. Back to lurkdom.
99. E2WCoast Mom said:
#71 - I totally agree. Totally hilarious and Heather, please post!! As a matter of fact, I'm scheduling extra visits to today's comment section but some poor soul is just not gonna get it...
100. Grammar Snob said:
Holy hilarious!
Tell Jon, that for the weight comment, our daughter will now be named Hexagon Donette Armstrong. Or Maybe Penelope Bradford Regina Armstrong (sorry, was the quickest PBR I could think of.
101. Emily said:
You make my day with EVERY new post! I'm 32 weeks along and reading your posts makes me laugh at all my silly aches/pains/problems. You're the best.
102. Sara said:
Hahahahaha. Oh my lawd, Heather. At first glance, I thought I'd stumbled on Courtney Love's website. You're fantastic and I'm so excited to keep reading once the little one arrives.
103. Anonymous said:
me thinks hillbilly cruela deville
104. Anonymous said:
Definitely a "white trash" version of I Love Lucy. Love it!
105. sherri said:
thee funniest thing i have read in a long time. seriously LAUGH OUT LOUD.
hope to god that the rash is not PUPPPS. bad. bad. bad.
106. Erratic said:
I love that you had the dedication to put on a fake tattoo. Also why the Chuck pictures are so hilarious. :)
107. Aimee said:
What pregnancy would look like if men got pregnant!
108. Andrea said:
You are totally channeling Kirstie Allen in Look Who's Talking, in that fantastic flashback scene when she imagines herself married to John Travolta's character. Ah, so romantic. Just wait til you guys start having burping contests at the dinner table!
109. witchypoo said:
I can only imagine the hilarity that went on while you prepared for that photo shoot.
Awesome.
110. Laurel said:
Holy shit, I just pissed myself laughing. You've gone round the bend, yes?
111. HexButt said:
Love the photos, very funny.. although the creepily skinny arm on your hip is freaking me out.. Either you have incredibly skinny forearms or someone is going a little bit crazy with the photoshopping.
112. hiliari said:
LOL!!!!! Ok... you have officially taken the place of my beloved Chelsey Handler as the funniest white woman on the planet... And yes... the pictures that you have posted are poster worthy!!! you are SO the shit right now!!! I LOVE YOU!!! :)
113. Ken said:
I admit, I was tempted to post a fake, anonymous, self-righteous, "how dare you put PBR anywhere near your precious Mormon unborn baby" comment... but I don't have the heart to do it. Besides, I'm sure there's a real one coming.
This is perhaps the most brilliant thing you've posted in months. Keep on truckin'!
114. Kristy Merrill said:
These pics are priceless! My next pregnancy I think I'll do a theme for every weekly progression shot. White trash will most definitely be one of them.
Love you Heather - keep up the awesomeness.
115. kristy - where's my damn answer said:
Awesome photos. You will love these down the road as will baby :-D
116. Val said:
Hideous. I wouldn't want to be your baby.
117. jennie said:
is it wrong that I think you look really glamorous in these pictures?
118. Tara's Mom said:
I agree with #95- I want notecards too! You are so brilliant and funny and amazing and gorgeous and human...I LOVE YOU!
119. dacia said:
HOT!!!
120. sparkyd said:
Lots of comments about peeing your pants already, but I have to add my own as well...
I'm 33 weeks pregnant and I had to stop reading after "...an oblong whale attempting to inspect its own ass" and go to the bathroom lest I pee in my chair at work. Too funny.
121. mamaloves said:
OMFG!!! You're hilarious. I love these pictures.
122. gesture said:
Well, if you've been eating powdered sugar doughnuts this whole time, don't worry about it. I am officially 99.9% powdered sugar doughnut (my mother would hide them in the house) and I turned out to be a fairly well-adjusted person. Any brain cells killed were of my own doing.
123. cmhd said:
Awesomely hilarious! Not that I don't always love you, but these pictures, yes, these pictures represent the reason I keep coming back for more.
You rock. Seriously.
124. Gina said:
Wahahahaha! those shots are fracking awesome!
Good luck with the next few weeks!
125. Ninabi said:
Oh shit, the shock of seeing you made me double over with laughter.
Expecting a sweet, touching picture and then THIS!
Funny. Best pregnancy pictures, ever. Thanks for bringing us along for the ride.
126. Sarah said:
*in my best Tyra impression*
FIERCE!
Love it. Made me smile a big, huge, and sorely needed smile!
127. Ashley said:
Hahahaha!!!
LOVE IT!
128. ParmieuxParks said:
Dear God woman, these pictures are AWESOME. Keep doing whatever it is that you do that makes you so fantabulously hilarious; and if that means eating more doughnuts, then so be it!
129. David Gannon said:
Is that a PBR TALLBOY? sweet. You're gorgeous in white trash.
130. Jamie Watson said:
Dude, those photos of you ROCK!!
131. oliviainswitzerland said:
I've not commented before, but LOVE this. I about died laughing! I am student midwife and may have to contact you to ask permission to print your pic out and stick it to my appointment diary that I use to book prenatals. I think it would add a certain levity to the whole midwife-patient time, don't ya think?
132. Amanda said:
Oh wow. I think this might be my favorite post EVER. I mean, how does it get any better than, "Son, put on a condom lest you one day be forced into the same room as an oblong whale attempting to inspect its own ass."???????
(And yes, I meant to use that many question marks; they were deserved).
Plus you do a great job of trying to look "rode hard and put up wet," and of ACTUALLY looking like a pregnant white trash lady in those pictures. Just wow.
133. Truism 31 said:
I'm with Jenny (#69)!
Hope you have a crew filming 'the making of' -- would love to see the contact sheet for this shoot!
134. Shannon said:
Heather, this is the BEST THING YOU HAVE EVER POSTED. In fact, I think this is the BEST THING EVER POSTED ON THE INTERNET. You deserve an Oscar (shaped bottle of Hershey's chocolate syrup) for this. Truly truly amazing.
135. Pat said:
Hey - Sugar is necessary for the baby's brain development! Donettes are GOOD for the baby. Hee. Great pix.
136. Mindy said:
Donuts for you too eh? I just started craving them last week and put on a good 10lbs since my last appt...ah well. Thank God for your posts to make me laugh so hard I cry. EDD 6/17/09
137. JenH said:
I like to call this pulling an Amy Sedaris.
Well played.
138. Karen Dietrich said:
These photos are so priceless! I wish I had staged something like this when I was pregnant. I applaud your choice of PBR (classic, of course), but I think I would have gone with a box of wine and a blunt.
139. Hokie Deb said:
-->I absolutely love those pictures. You must have had so much fun getting dressed up to have them taken.
Can't wait to read what people under the cloak of "anonymous" say about them.
140. shriek house said:
Dear Heather, I'm extremely concerned about the can of PBR tucked into your waistband possibly placing too much pressure on your unborn child or the placenta. Also if the can is cold it could give the baby a chill. Please exercise appropriate caution as befits Motherhood. KTHXBAI!
141. Meagan D said:
Heather you had me laughing so hard (that quite inner laugh that ends up in a snort) I almost peed my pants! I have already emailed all my friends that they have to see the new post. Good luck with the next few weeks, you are almost there!
142. Rissa said:
I had the CRAPPIEST* Memorial weekend. Thank you for this!
143. Labradoris said:
What I would love is to see a video of the brainstorming session that produced the idea for these photos. I mean, seriously. You could take over the world with these ideas.
144. Diane said:
That's a good look for you! You would fit in well at my local Wally World. :)
145. Rachael said:
Funny! And I can only imagine how reading 133 comments of "you are the shit" would do wonders for ones self esteem. Go you! :)
146. Susan said:
I was drinking my coffee while waiting for your page to load.
When it did, and I saw your photo's - presto, coffee spit all over my new monitor!!!
Perfect picture, just great. Don't remember when I've laughed so hard.
Had to de-lurk to say thanks for the laugh - and thank you for the wonderful blog!!
147. Tina said:
Heather. B. Armstrong. You. Rocked. It.
148. Karlee said:
I just wanted to say that I really enjoy your blog. Your wit and humour have caused me to spit out my tea on my laptop on more than one occasion.
149. Erin L Thiele said:
Brilliant. You are amazingly brilliant. I couldn't breathe when I opened my reader. I want donuts real bad - which really doesn't fit will with the diet right now. Guess I'll have to go get my hubby to knock me up so I can have a box.
150. JennKstep said:
Hawt. <3 Love the photos! That's pretty muh exactly how I felt in my 37th week, too. Hang in there, almost done, and at the end, they let you take home a sweet little baby.
151. Lar said:
You're really from Frayser, not Bartlett, right?
I agree that pregnant bodies have a mind of their own. During my first pregnancy I reached down to pick up a set of keys and my middle finger spontaneously POPPED OUT OF JOINT. I nearly fainted from the pain but managed to pop it back into place; it still hurts at odd times.
And now I have to go hunt down some powdered donuts--
152. Lor said:
Courtny Love! Uncanny.
And I love the suggestion that you name your daughter "Donette".
153. Anonymous said:
Wow...for 37 weeks you aren't even that big! I was f'ing HUGE at that point in the game!
154. Sherry said:
My son is made of chocolate milk and Hostess Frosted Honeybuns. My best friend gave her embryo 44oz of Dr. Pepper every morning. Makes'em stronger, I say.
My son does say crowns for crayons....hmmmmm.
(My word verification is accused critters. Ha)
155. TED said:
If the Donettes package doesn't have a do-not-consume-during-pregnancy warning on it, the government is encouraging you to eat them. They must be good for you.
156. Anonymous said:
That's hilarious! And you still look pretty skinny to me.
157. Bratfink said:
You are so sexy when you bait the trolls!
158. Nico Blue said:
I feel like this is the part where someone is supposed to come to your rescue by slapping your cheeks and saying "Snap out of it. Can you hear me? How many fingers am I holding up?". Breath, woman. Only 3 more weeks! You're almost there :)
159. wagsdot911@aol.com said:
Your photos gave me a much need chuckle today considering The beast.. my 16 month old son has discovered the joys of tantrums and had his third one already today! Nice belly by the way! Good luck with labor and delivery!
160. Heather said:
Oh my god. This made my day.
161. Sara said:
Dying here. My new favorite post.
162. aj said:
Okay, listen. Those pictures are the BEST thing on which I have ever laid my eyes. I shit you not. Not only will I be forwarding the link to your site to many friends today, but I may start a campaign for MORE OF THOSE PICTURES. Please take more disturbing photos of your pregnant self next week and share them with the Internet. You look fabulous, and I could not stop laughing. This is my plea.
163. mrs.notouching said:
A cover for any pregnancy magazine! I CANNOT STOP looking at you! LOL! Can I have a permission to print, frame and give this as a gift to my OBGYN? It would look wonderful in her office, no?
164. Laura said:
Fan-freaking-tastic! That was totally worth the wait of a new post! :) Great to see that your sense of humor is by far intact in these late stages of pregnancy! Best of luck!
165. Monkey said:
HA! In the words of Ron Burgundy, stay classy!
166. Erica said:
The photos are so funny, best post ever
167. Brandy said:
The first photo should totally be your author photo for your next book. You're such a rock star!
168. Rena said:
I didn't even read the post yet but I am DYING! Those pictures are priceless!
169. Frau CowTown said:
Aaack! That photo startled me, but hilarious girl! All the best to you in the coming weeks!
170. Meredith said:
Awesome.
One assumes the can of PBR is stored in your pants for the moment when the baby is out and you can finally pop it open? ;)
171. Cris said:
You are brilliant and made of awesome and made of win and all that and a bazillion bags of Doritos.
You're also skinny and weightless. Yup.
172. R. Wallis @ True Beauty said:
Are you sure you don't live on Highland St. in a small town in Arkansas?! Those pics are a spitting image (yes, spitting) of a neighbor the hubs and I have. The similitude is remarkable!
173. Kate said:
Those pictures made me wish more than ever that we were real-life friends.
174. Jenae said:
I'm absolutely diggin' the make over.
175. Anonymous said:
OMG White Trash Galore. I LOVE it!!!!! <3
176. Sharon said:
Absolutely love the pictures and the post!
177. Kiley said:
BRILLIANT PHOTOS!
178. Tiggerlane said:
OMG...that was hysterical!! I'll never look at one of those benches again without thinking of your pregnant ass. Thank you.
179. KishiCat said:
I am loving the pictures :-) Heather, you rock.
180. Dea said:
OMG! You freakin ROCK! Thank you for the laugh. I loooove your blog.
181. Trisha said:
niiiiiiiice
182. Karleen said:
Wow. Just Wow.
183. Taryn said:
I love it! Very funny
184. Rikki said:
Never commented before but had to on this one...
You post beautiful photos but this is by far your best, most creative work!
Thanks for the laugh and good luck to you!
185. Jodi said:
Best. Pregnancy Picture. Ever. EVER!
186. Jess said:
I can't stop laughing! Those are the most hilarious pictures!! Thank you for posting that!!!
187. Heather said:
AHHHAHHHHHAAAAAA! I just love all your blogs...and I LOVE the pics. I really needed some afternoon laughter and that took me away from all the crap for the moment. So, thank you! I just had my baby 5 months ago (little girl) and still remember all the pregnancy stuff...good luck to you all!
188. Jackie said:
Seriously, for having a little Donette craving parasite firmly lodged in your abdomen, you look pretty damn spectacular. Like a glowing receptacle of tiny human body parts....Maybe the glow is the chemicals from the Donettes. Who knows? You work it well!
189. Idania said:
I notice that a lot of your fans are spitters...I'm more of a farter myself.
Your belly is F***ing HOT! I *wish* I looked like that-I resembled Tweedledum or Tweedledee during the last 4 months of pregnancy.
Work it girl!
(toot)
190. Em said:
Holy cow...
Reminds me of the days my brother, my friend, and me spent on the backyard playing white trash family. No joke. It was actually fascinating and you look like embodiment of Leroi (yes, with an i - it looks more feminine - huh). Good grief, it will always haunt me.
You are great, BTW.
191. Traci said:
those photos are HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
192. Janet said:
Nice! Very Cindy Shermanesque.
193. Jack & Jill Put Up A Blog said:
HOLY IN-A-BUCKETS - I was not prepared for those photos to come up on my screen. That is the most awesome photoshoot ever...in history. I sit back and applaud in awe you, of course after I recover from laughing and choking on my gum. Freaking awesome girl!:)
194. patrice said:
love the pictures. however. I looked like you do 3 weeks away from delivery when I was about 3 months pregnant.
195. Renee Robare said:
Look at ye, it's Sandra Dee! OMG I love these pics. Glad you're on the homestretch. A little Donette never heard anyone.
196. Mango Girl said:
You really need to blog about the new tat.
Very nice photos ~ I am sure the kid will enjoy seeing those later on down the line...
197. heather{dot}com said:
So that's what that blue stretchy band is for. I've always wondered...
Is it bad that this photo looks oddly high-fashion?
198. Harna said:
Awww, the PBR can is cradling the baby ever so gently. I wish PBR would cradle me gently, but it's usually kind of an asshole.
199. Amy said:
Best pictures EVER!! Even tops the pregnant fairy.
You look fantastic!
200. Jason S. said:
Half-shirts rule.
201. Renee said:
Holy crap! Those photos are great!! This looks like a photo shoot done with a much more attractive version of my ex-husband's cousin from MS. LOVE it!!
202. Valerie said:
Thank you for that. I mean really, I just pulled up the site at 4:15 p.m. The home stretch at the end of the day when time practically stands still and you can hear every tick-tock on the clock. And I got to witness that glorious piece of art, the trailer park chic of it all, and fall into fits of laughter. Thank you for making the rest of this day bearable!
203. Lisa said:
Please use those images on your thank you cards. I now realize that is it more fun not to take child birth so seriously.
Powdered sugar....the new heroin.....
204. AllieB said:
Um. Those pictures (and the story) are HILARIOUS. Love it!
205. kim said:
oh my god, those pictures are too funny. they need to be framed and put on your newly renovated bathroom... don'tcha think? You look amazing, and as always are entertaining and amazing of all of your loyal blog readers.
206. Stephanie said:
Oh man, I laughed SO HARD! Thank you for making my day!
207. Heather @ Mama Sass said:
So you must be from where I grew up. Because expectant moms sit on the couch on the porch with the astray (if they're classy, beer can if not) resting on their protruding belly.
The best part about the Donettes is if you forget to check your face, inevitably there is a suspicious white powder around your nose and mouth.
That'll get 'em talkin'.
PS. You look great. Seriously. At 37 weeks I couldn't decide if it would be better to walk or roll down the street.
208. Ellen Crimi-Trent said:
a little sugar is needed absolutely during pregnancy! In fact I would say its a must. Nice photos- I am sure these will be treasured family photos for years to come!! By the way all that extra weight you talk about is really like a spit compared to all the weight I put on with both my boys!
209. Erin K said:
What no haters yet? Come one people, Heather Armstrong is doing something you might not approve of! haha.
Super funny pics, super funny post. You make the internet more fun.
210. Jennifer said:
Mommie Dearest, Michelle Phipher and Cruella DeVille all rolled into one. Hilarious!
You and your belly really do look beautiful.
211. Heidi said:
These pictures are even better than the pink tutu. LOVE!
212. Adriana of AZ said:
Love these pics. You and my SIL are both due with your baby girls on the same day, 6/17 (I think that's when you're due at least?)But both of you are teeny-tiny! I KNOW you dont' feel that way, but seriously, you are...Love the belly. Love the story also.
You the best!
213. Amanda said:
Those are the best pictures I have ever seen.
You look positively radiant.
214. Tiffanie said:
HILARIOUS. You are so awesome. Thanks for the laugh.
215. bobeesah said:
The only way your pictures could be better were if you had cut a pair of men's tighty-whities to make a tank top/bra. Which I saw online somewhere. Otherwise? Glorious!!
216. Kendall said:
best.heather pics.ever.
217. Terri said:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!! Awesome. AHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAAAHAHAH!
218. Juliann said:
Hysterical! Thank you for the light at the end of my work day... absolutely perfect!
219. Candace said:
I read daily, and almost never post. You had me /crying/ at work, I was laughing so hard.
I'm only at 10 weeks, and I'm now TERRIFIED.
220. Sarah said:
LOVE the pics - you are so creative...
221. Kristina said:
I feel dirty looking at those pictures of you because even (or maybe, especially?) when you dress up like a redneck with hooch lipstick and your belly all out, you're pretty fricking hot. And I feel dirty just writing that because pregnant women are SAAAAAAAAAAAAACRED.
It's like when I was watching Star Trek and got all confused and tingly inside when Spock was on screen.
222. kristin kaminski said:
You need to add john and leta. And then Post at awkwardfamilyphotos.com (not my site...but super hilarious!)
ALSO...FUNNIEST DAMN POST on the internet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (you earned every one of those damned exclamation points!)
223. The LOUD One said:
THAT'S HOT.
224. Rachel said:
Oh. My. Word.
Simply... amazing.
225. wildlianas said:
I was looking for an angry post that took the pictures seriously. Then it would've been even more perfect. Thanks for letting your balls swing so freely.
226. Savanah said:
*reaches for Visine, but grabs Holy Water instead*
;)
Just teasing.
Even with the trailer-park get-up, you are still glowing, still gorgeous, still RADIANT!
I VANT YER BABEH.
227. Becky said:
hahaa.
it's like Lucille Ball (who was also gorgeous) going trailer. love it!
228. mel said:
Wow, we must have gotten knocked up the same day - we're on the exact same schedule. Only you look about 1/2 as pregnant as me...I'm actually remembering my first pregnancy with a strange fondness (which is no small feat let me tell you considering I had hyperemesis gravidarum the whole time)....oh the pain, oh the shooting pain, the abdominal pressure that makes it feel like the baby is just going to plop right out the second I stand up. Let's not talk about the 40 plus lbs I've packed on (mmmm, McDonald's) that would probably have caused blood to pool on my ass if I'd spend the afternoon sitting on wire, too. Can you breathe at night? I can't. I wake up choking on a pool of my own snot and congestion than even a neti pot and breathe right strips won't alleviate. I'm ready to be cut open and have this sucker ripped right out of me......
229. MikG said:
Great post! These pictures remind me of the day that I was at Smith's grocery store in Provo, 7-months pregnant and buying a 20 oz. can of beer to braise our St. Patrick's day corned beef and cabbage. Despite my repeated pleas for him to get off the filthy floor, my 6 year old son was diving under the self-checkout stand fishing for loose coins. I was tired, hungry, and Smith's was extra crowded. I tried so hard to control my annoyance, but before we could escape, I lost it.
I pulled my son up off the floor by his ear and chewed him out between entering my Fresh Values card number and swiping my credit card. People around me stared, some with their mouths open. I couldn't tell if the shock was because of the tongue lashing or the beer/preggo belly combo. I also wasn't wearing my wedding band that day, so I can't be sure that everyone was staring in judgement. I'm sure that some were stares of pity...
230. Jessica M. said:
Holy shit those pictures just made my day. =)
Thanks Heather!
231. Taylor Corrado said:
I read daily and never post, but this was worth it...u look fantastic and you had me laughing in my tiny office. if u did that make up and hair, i love you even more...keep um coming and good luck with the last few weeks.
232. Katie said:
Oh thank you....you just made my day! I have been housebound for 6 days with a 4-year old who just had her tonsils removed & a 2-year old that keeps chanting "outside..outside..outside!" You rule!
233. Lori Magno said:
OMG!!! One of those photos has GOT to be the next book cover!!
Momma Donette's Thot's on Raisin' Kids Rite!
Please please please please please!!!!
234. schmutzie said:
Hoo, boy. I love you THIS MUCH. You make great trash, you does. When does the baby get her first tattoo?
235. Cate said:
You're going to frame those and put them up in little Donette's room, right?
You never fail to make my day:)
236. Meredith said:
My favorite pregnancy pictures EVER! Great post as well. Thanks for a much-needed laugh today!
237. Kristi said:
Aww...I'm looking at those pictures and thinking back to my mom's scrapbook. Only she had a glass of wine in her hand and there was smoke coming up from the cig. Bless her heart. She only drank white wine because it was better for the baby.
Sent your post to a friend who is preggers. She laughed so hard she thought her water had broken. Turns out she'd only lost control of her bladder. It's her first...just couldn't bring myself to tell her that the loss of bladder control doesn't end when the baby comes.
238. liz said:
Heather, those pictures are fabulous. When I'm pregnant someday I hope I keep a great sense of humor like you do. Hang in there, the end is in sight!!
239. Tabetha said:
You are one FINE trailer park Mama... Leta will be so proud when she reads this blog one day.
240. stevie said:
best.photos.ever.
241. Jenn said:
HAWT!
242. Parsing Nonsense said:
Very fetching photos, is that how you feel on the inside?
The horrific rash, though...That is really something...I'm trying to get pregnant at the moment and it's stuff like that that makes me wonder whether I really know what I'm getting myself into.
243. Tasha said:
Your baby belly is going to heat that beer up and ruin it. You better get it in the fridge!
244. Sam said:
Two words: Fucking awesome.
245. Jennifer Suarez said:
Please PLEASE tell me you plan on doing something like this:
My preggo belly growth animated
...with all these fabulous belly shots. Between this and the tutu - it'll come out AMAZING!
Lookin good Amy Winehouse, lookin good!
246. Jennifer Suarez.com said:
Fixed linky: http://www.jennifersuarez.com/FamilyPhotos/Pregnant2/animated.cfm
247. leigh bee said:
Oh my god Heather.
This is the most fabulous thing I've seen in ages! I don't have time to read the other comments to see if someone else said this but: If you sold posters of this, I would sincerely buy one. For me, a postcard wouldn't do. I need a wall poster, if for no other reason than to irritate and anger my mother, who doesn't read your blog, but talks plenty of shit about you. 'Mazing, how those haters work, eh? Please please pretty please? If you end up only selling small prints, can I have your permission to have it blown up?
You are the icing on the awesome cake.
248. Candybeans said:
BAD. ASS.
249. Tami said:
Okay. You rule. Period. :*)
250. Anonymous said:
For a name, Donette FTW -- no contest. With a proper middle name: Saranne. Yep, pronounced just like plastic wrap. Yep, I know one.
Donette Saranne Armstrong.
And her mom -- not the White Queen -- the White *Trash* Queen.
Love you, love your blog -- and the collective energy of the intarwebs will be helping you in the next few weeks.
(and please, please, please print the nastygrams that I know you'll be getting for this one.)
251. Katie said:
I feel you on the doughnut thing. I have tried to pretend during my pregnancy that I have been eating veggies and fruit and that these things satisfy my sweet tooth. What a load of crap. I am now 4 days away from my due date and I just don't give a rats ass anymore.
Bring on the doughnuts! And chocolate milk! And Oreos! And...
252. Tamra said:
Hold on a second... it's not the donuts you should be freaking out about. It's that shade of lipstick! Oh the horror! THE SHAME!
I think the *only thing* that would have made this post better would have been if you went into labor and had to rush off to the hospital with all the accessories still attached. The looks on the nurses' faces in L&D would have been worth a million.
Your trailer trash photos had me nearly in hysterics. Thanks so much for the much-needed laugh!
253. ExtraordinaryMommy said:
Ahhhh - so refreshing - a woman who is not robbed of her sense of humor by pregnancy and 'that extra weight' - hilarious!
Funny - that I get that hexagon pattern from park benches and yet - notsomuch pregnant.....hmmmm.
254. Lauren said:
Holy shit, it's like you read my mind. I am due June 13 with my first, and I've wanted to take a photo with a pack of cigarettes and/or doing a keg stand since day one. My husband and I wanted it to be our Christmas card, but I was too worried people wouldn't appreciate our sense of humor.
Now that I'm considered full term, I can honestly say, I hope this baby comes any day now. I am ready to shave my bikini line without a mirror, to have my toes not look like polish sausages, and to be rid of walking farts.
Good luck with the last month and labor & delivery.
255. Shut Up and Run said:
Hysterical. You guys should move to a trailer park.
256. momtrolfreak said:
CHRIST ON A BIKE, Heather, I wanna get knocked up again just so I can do pregnancy photos like this. YOu are gonna catch it from the haters, though! LOL--you would not BELIEVE the shitstorm I got into a few weeks ago for using the phrase "trailer trash" in the context of bad motherhood, and I was talking about myself. The fact that I GREW UP IN A TRAILER until I was five could not save me. Oh well, I'm just gonna puton my tube top and sit the baby in fronta the TeeVee so I kin go down to the Circle K and grab me some ciggies.
p.s. How is it that in red lipstick and this outfit you sort of resemble Gillian Anderson? I WANT TO BELIEVE.
257. Tammy said:
HOLY CRAP you freakin rock! You are so hillarious. I just want to send a big "screw you" to all your haters.
258. Andrea @ MommySnacks.net said:
This is so stinkin' hilarious!!!!! But, I would have guessed you as a MGD gestatin' kinda gal...!!! They do make chocolate-flavored beer now! Maybe a new sponsor??? LOL
259. Amy said:
Awesome. White trash maternity pics!
Aside from that, two things crossed my mind:
1) You have no [visible] stretch marks. You bitch. I hate you. :)
2) You don't look big enough to me to be 37 weeks pregnant. That's not a bad thing, of course.
260. Margaret said:
GREAT pictures- good luck with the delivery!
261. AuntieJen21 said:
RE: Comment # 17. My sister's girlfriend's name is Donette. I never made the connection before. LOL!!!
262. Christa said:
Photos are freakin awesome. If you still have a sense of humor at this stage of pregohood then everything will be fine.
263. Sarah said:
Oh my god. Thank you for making me laugh. You rock.
264. Tony K said:
Funniest shit evah!
265. Liz said:
Dooce, I wanna be you when I grow up. You are my hero!
266. Cristy said:
Good stuff. Thank God for PBR.
267. Heather said:
Best Set of Pictures-EVER!! You rule!!
Keep up the kick ass posting--it helps me get through my day in the non profit world.
268. Shelley Noble said:
NEXT BOOK'S COVER!
Genius.
bwahahhahahaa
269. Jennifer said:
COMEDY!!!
Great pictures!!! WONDERFUL
270. Kate Setzer Kamphausen said:
DOOCE! These are the awesomest funniest pictures EVER!
Also, Courtney Love just WISHES she looked as good as you do EVEN IN THESE PICTURES.
You are the bomb. Thank you for the fantastic laugh on a Tuesday that sure was acting like a nasty Monday. You rock.
271. jennifer said:
love the pictures!
you have a beautiful belly.
this puts a whole new spin on the belly pictures. mine were so introspective and serious, when this is really how i felt!
272. Tammy said:
This is a classic post!! After I quit laughing, all I could think of was that if you had any family who reads your site ~ my how proud they must be today!! :)
273. Heather B said:
As a portrait photographer who has taken many maternity pics, I must say, these are the finest I have seen. One of these deserves to be the cover of your next book. Or, your author photo at the very least.
274. Stacy said:
LOVE the photos!
i'm 28 weeks and just put up a post in which i say i was refinishing furniture, drinking green tea and laughing. my husband said the emails are going to start rolling in that i shouldn't be doing ANY of that!
gotta love your readers.
275. SupaCoo said:
Just curious, where do you buy panties THAT size? Did you steal them from the local parachuting club?
276. Anonymous said:
I freakin love you!!! This is the funniest thing I have seen in a while. You are the best, thanks for the laughs today!!
277. emily said:
SCREAM!!!!! how DARE he;-) oreos and peanut butter were my thing, until the crazy kid in me grew 5 inches of thick hair, causing me to not be able to eat peanut butter the last trimester. this should be illegal. i made myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich the day we got home from the hospital. it was glorious. that beer is really great to make a blooming onion at home with...but it never turns out as well as they do it at texas road house. i'm just sayin, it's great for that...
278. Iona said:
That better be a lite beer, woman OR ELSE. You are beautiful and brave and smart and a nut job, a winning combo in my book!!
279. Dana said:
I know you feel big and terrible but you look fabulous.
280. monica said:
my god, you are hilarious! Your kids are so blessed to have a mom with such a roaring sense of humor. These pics are the best. You rock, as always. I hope the birth is a quick & easy one. You've earned it.
281. Emily said:
Are you sure you're not carrying GEORGE!'s baby?
282. Anonymous said:
Great Photo!!! Funny!
283. Ashley B. said:
OMG you just took it to the next level Dooce! Definitely should be on cover of your next book OR Calendar! You just made my day!
284. Beck said:
Pretty sure this comment will get buried among the hundreds and go unread, but, damn, those pictures are excellent.
And I applaud the choice of PBR. A subtle, brilliant touch.
285. Julia said:
Is the new baby going to sleep in a drawer in the back bedroom of the trailer?
Are you going to blame the donettes on the new baby's sweetness?
Can Jon keep his hands off of you when you have on that shade of red lipstick?
Does Leta call you Maw?
Could you be any funnier?
286. Kate said:
Heather; so funny....all of it. The photos, the writing....
'sall good, ya know?
Part of my love for this comes from a "been there and done that"; quite awhile ago but I so get it. The last 4 weeks are not physiologic, they are pathologic in the deepest sense of the word.
Enjoy though; 'sall good ya know.
287. Stella said:
I'm just loving how, on your photo "The Stanfords", Coco is lying on the lawn, chilling, while Chuck is helping Jon by looking after his cage and his (?) pillow... :) This comment should've been elsewhere, but since comments were closed on the photo, I just wanted to point that out here instead! Oh, and your pregnant picture is an example to be followed by pregnand women everywhere.
288. Kelly said:
You, my friend, are the definition of purdy.
289. Chrissy said:
I just peed a little. Friggin hilarious. This is inspiration for when I'm pregnant with my second and want to send my Dad (who was Bishop) a cute lil shot of me and my cute pregnant belly. :)
290. Allie said:
I absolutely adore you, Heather Armstrong!
291. Jeannette said:
I am loving the white trash pics!! BRILLIANT!!!
292. Caren said:
Laughing. I've probably not left a message in the past but these photos just did me in. You are truly a radical! I love it!!!!
293. Stacey said:
I just snorted. Loudly. And sprayed Lemonade all over the computer screen. These pictures are priceless! Best thing I have seen on the 'net all year!
294. Sarah said:
Ha .. take THAT internets ...
ROTFLMAO, just the tatoo alone took 30 secs out of your life to apply .. you're looking good dooce!
Can't wait to meet the new little girl! Is Leta ready yet? You? Jon? Good luck with the birth .. how extraordinarily exciting, second (and last) time around! Savour that pain mama!!!
295. Anonymous said:
AHHHHH! ahhaahhhaah!! bwah!!!! That was me laughing my butt off! I love it, love it, love it!!! Very creative and funny!
296. Kelly said:
You are tiny!!! You look wonderful for being so close to your due date. I see no "whale" in you!
297. sara said:
I hope Tyra reads your blog, because I can totally see this as an ANTM photo shoot.
I totally LOL'd. Thank you and stay sane this next few weeks! I'm only at week 10....
298. Meredth said:
Heather Armstrong, I have read and seen many funny things on this here website. But this? This takes the powdered donut.
Hi-f*in-larious.
299. Amy said:
You have GOT to keep these photos! They'll serve double duty in 16 years when you threaten her with showing them to her prom date.
300. MotherProof said:
Heather, is there any way we could use that photo on the MotherProof homepage, as our ideal of graceful and sophisticated motherhood?