Everyone should have a hairy vagina coin purse.

right along with a hairy vagina purse... Last night I was out for drinks with friends and we had to inform one of the girls that she was sitting under a vagina mirror... yes, a vagina mirror. A guy in our group took a picture of his crotch in the mirror... hilarious...

Is it sad that I'm considering driving 60 miles for your book signing?

That is amazing news!! Congratulations. I'm so thrilled to see you all successful and shit ;) I just finished the book in tears. Never before have I read a book that had me laughing til I couldn't breathe one minute and crying the next. You are ridiculous, and I mean that in a good way.

Yay...Hairy Vagina Change purse!

Here is a picture of the beauty of the vagina purse:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/jennfoik/3403197433/

You rocked in Seattle Heather, it was so worth it to drive from Chilliwack (1 hour east of Vancouver) to meet you!

You are my hero!

Got sidetracked by this book at B&N the other day...two hours had passed while I sat on a tiny footstool and I had laughed and cried, like a freak, in public, over a "stranger" I know from "the internet." You deserve every bit of goodness and the Being of #1 that this book and your gracious, hilarious sharing gets you. Congratulations, Stranger! :)

I'm marveling at the fact that you're doing that seven months pregnant. I couldn't handle a travel schedule that was that frantic under the best of circumstances, so I'm guessing that I'd really suck at doing it with another human being living in my abdomen.

Good luck with the the last few signings ... and consider a Boston signing when you publish the sequel! :)

I drove about 100 miles to LA from Santa Barbara on Thursday, and I am so thrilled to have finally met you! I was a huge dork and too nervous to tell you that you've inspired me to start my own blog and that you're much prettier in person. Thanks so much for inspiring me to write about my life after divorce, although it really seems like a cake-walk, now that I'm reading your book. And double thanks for setting a kick-ass example for women (and my brother!) everywhere. Congrats on your success, the new baby, and your happiness!

Big, big congratulations on the NYT bestseller list. I finished your book last night, and the honor is well deserved.

First, CONGRATULATIONS (yes, all CAPS). I missed you in Oak Brook (the day sucked, my kids sucked, and missing your book tour was the empty box of HoHo's to cap the day).

Second, are you hiding this trip from your ob/gyn? Mine threatened to hang me by my toenails if I even THOUGHT about getting on a plane after the second trimester. He knew I traveled for work, and he was absolutely berserk on the point.

Last Birkenstocks - the CUTE non-fat strap ones - maybe Disney Princess Pink? I 'let mine out' from the normal buckle position and wore them almost every day for the last two months. Of course, they were useless afterwards, since my bulk flattened the cork foot beds, but at least my circulation reached my toes!

Heather, I just had to tell you that I loved the book so much that I read it on the day it arrived. All of it. And I have two small and needy children. So that should tell you how much I enjoyed it. It was far, far, far better than any Dorito, ever.

Congratulations. What a great accomplishment! It was great hearing you read in Portland and fun to see just how many people filled that room so fast. I had friends that didn't make it in. I feel lucky!

Good luck with the feet.
It sucks, but really, it's the last time they'll be like this!

wow. nice job getting on the nyt list. may it hit #1

I have been following your website everyday since I read about you in the washington post (maybe 7years ago). I read your book in one day and you always have made me laugh. I wish you the best of luck you and your family are one of those great stories that keeps getting better and better.

Congrats on the bestseller list and all your success. AND, welcome back to Austin. As you've probably already discovered, it's the bee's knees of Texas.

Hey, Sara Palin supposedly flew from Texas to Alaska AFTER HER WATER BROKE so I think many ob/gyns and midwives would be fine with plane travel in the seventh and eightth months.

And Heather, here is one of the many things about becoming a bestselling author: Now anytime someone says, God, I can't believe she got to buy that fancy toothpaste/dog collar/lawn ornament just by writing a stupid Web site, you can say, "No, I got to buy it by writing a bestselling book."

If I saw you at an airport, I would help you with your shoes.

Well, you know, all that agony over shoelaces is what you get for getting pregnant just before you publish a book.

Seriously, congrats on all the success, though.

LOL ew to the hairy vagina purse pic (comment #10) but you look lovely, Heather. Only you could stay classy holding something like that. ;)

Congrats on the NYT bestseller list, and all the rest of it frankly. I can't wait to get my copy (which a good friend in Austin is going to get for me).

PS: I think the reCaptcha is suggesting a baby name for #2: APPLETON LOVING. Has a nice ring to it, don't ya think?

Will the Hairy Vagina Coin Purse make it onto your daily style section or can we get a link to where the fan got it? Inquiring minds want to know?

NYT Best Seller list!? Hot damn! Congrats!

Yaaaa dooce! congrats and can't wait to read the book - and here's another vote for Boston next time around.

Watch you start a trend of HVCPs. I can feel it coming.

I hope some day you meet Oprah in person, so we can have a full report. Please bring your book tour to PA.

Darn! I live in Denver but will not be able to make it tommorow. A HUGE congrats on making the NYTBSL!!!!! (that was FIVE exclamation points).

Please don't scream too loudly when you read this... and I say this as an adoring fan and not someone out to kill you... But I think a pair of Crocs would help with the security checkpoint woes. Ask Jon.

Let me know when you're done screaming.

In other news, if you had asked ME about your laces at the checkpoint, I would have tied them myself. In a non-creepy way.

And HELL YES!!!! NYT Best Seller list. You rock.
And I'm sorry about Oprah. Next time!

NYT best seller list! You rock! I am in awe! You're really packing a lot in. Good for you. . . keep going' girl.

How about not untying your shoes and just slipping them off, then on again? Or you could always check out the slip on tennis shoes, no breaking in needed.

Good Luck

Excellent, I am so happy for you! Can't wait to get the book myself. Sad I had to miss you in SF, but it was too late for me as I rise early for college - I know, "Odd College Girl Actually Has Normal Bedtime."

Love ya,

Loyal Reader

Heather, love your book, sad that you aren't visiting Toronto (though impressed that you're touring at 7 months!). I have never had a strong desire to have a child, and after reading your book, I am now officially terrified. In a good way! I have a dog who reminds me of Chuck in his younger, wilder years, and methinks that might be enough responsibility for me. Love you!

Just finished your book - best read in AGES! I loved it and have already insisted to my husband that his life must be on hold until he reads it too!

It is just fabulous!

Congratulations, Heather!! I'm so happy for you!

Congratulations on the success of your book!

And I'd so be your dedicated shoe tier (not tier as in "three tiered chocolate cake" but tier said like "tire"). You'd never have to worry about untied/unbuckled shoes again (at least during your pregnancy. Although it probably would still be awesome to have someone tie your shoes no matter what physical state you're in).

Congratulations on the NY Times Best Seller list! You deserve it (and I haven't read one word of your new book, but can't wait to because I just finished your first) but I absolutely know it is FABULOUS, and inspring and much more! Can't wait to see you on Oprah...especially since I will be trying to figure out if you are actually wearing pants! HA! That is seriously hilarious if you weren't! Technically speaking you could say you had been on national television pantsless...and that is something to be proud of! HA! :)

I was so disappointed when I arrived 15 minutes early at the Powells in Portland for your appearance only to discover the room that it was being held in was closed due to max capacity and that there was a line of about 100 people waiting outside of the room in case they would eventually let anyone else in. I waited there for an hour and while they let some people in when someone would leave the room, they couldn't get to everyone. I finally had to leave without ever being able to join the crowd, it was devastating! I'd been looking forward to that for two months. If anyone here is still planning on seeing Heather at one of her signings I recommend arriving VERY early. So very, very sad.

so sad i missed you, heather! you come to LA the one week this year that i actually had to be out of town. i had planned to bring you some photos of chuck i had from back in the day. not quite as exciting as a purse like a hairy vagina, but maybe it would have been a second runner-up? next time for sure. congratulations on all your successes.

Hi Heather,
I've read your blog for a couple of years and love it. First time I've commented. Re the swollen feet, Crocs really are lovely! They feel great and slide right off for security checks. Jon has the right idea!

The answer to those questions is "All the way."

Will you please post a picture of the hairy vagina coin purse?

Maybe you shoud name your new baby Oprah?...

NY Times Bestseller list is indeed a huge deal. Congrats! Looking forward to reading the book.

I am really looking forward to your reading in Austin this week. But now that you mentioned the hairy vagina purse I feel like I cannot top that...so much pressure....

Can't wait and congrats on the NYT Best Seller list!!!

Congratulations on the best seller list...and the hairy vagina.

Amanda

http://littlebbunny.blogspot.com

Yay Heather! I was at the signing in Mountain View when you announced "It Sucked" made the NY Times bestseller list. So exciting! You absolutely deserve it!

We drove an hour and a half to see you in Not San Francisco, and I'm glad it was there, otherwise it would have been a longer drive for us. I kind of drug my husband along and I know he was pleasantly surprised at how funny you ARE! I hope you get a nice massage. Those massages got me through both of my pregnancies. Congrats and best wishes to you and your great family.

http://www.zappos.com/product/7205813/color/171867

I LIVED in these when I was pregnant. They come in a lot of different styles, so I actually had like 3 pair (and they are CHEAP!).

Can't wait to meet you tomorrow night in Denver, I've been looking forward to your book tour for weeks! I'm also excited to buy and read your NY Times Best Seller! Congrats.

Today I purchased the very last copy of "It Sucked..." that my local Barnes & Noble had in stock. I am half way through it and it's fantastic!!!!! Congrats on your much deserved success!!!

I really, really wish I could come see you speak in Denver. I love your blog and your books, but it looks like I can't make it. You are the best though! Thanks!

I pre-ordered your book, and was so pleased when it came in the mail last week! I couldn't put it down, and now that I'm finished, I feel like I want to pick it up and read it again. LOVED IT!
Congrats on the best seller list!!

Also, your not alone, it too me and my husband 10months to be able to reconvine the "procedure".

i would have totally come with you, free of charge, and carried your bags, tied your shoes, and fetched your doritos! how creepy that is! but it's the first thing i thought after reading this..... although you're big time now, i was there before coco and leta with ya, i love ya like a sister-- and i'm so so so proud of you! we have all watched you grow and go through so much- and you've given us all love along in all the creative ways you've shared about this crazy little thing called life. cheers to you, heather!

(so truly sorry i missed you in mountain view! (camping trip parent info night for my class of 4th graders.)

I can't tell you how much you make me laugh. I'm 26 and not even thinking about kids yet, but the humor totally transfers. Love the site, and plan to buy the book as soon as my next pay check comes.

Soooo....stopping by Brisbane, Australia on this tour? Or was that a typo to leave us off? (Kidding!)

I remember feeling the same when I was pregnant - seven months into it and boarding a plane ON CRUTCHES after our Great Dane knocked me flying. Now THAT was subtle. No-one stared. Not at all.

Enjoy the adulation and then the foot rub!
:-)
BB

Congrats on the Best Seller, but Oprah? OH NO! This blog will crush under the weight of the Cult of O that surely will follow. Bye, Dooce. Was great while it lasted.

I cannot believe how lucky I am that you're not only coming to Denver, but in reality you are coming to the Tattered Cover in Highlands Ranch and I just happen to live 1 minute away from there! I'm so excited to see you! Your book was amazing and I laughed and cried the entire time.

If I didn't just have brain surgery on Monday, I WOULDN'T MISS YOUR BOOK PEOPLE READING FOR ANYTHING.

But I did.

So ... #^($@&%*^@(&^($%&

I'm a little pissed.

Have a blast when you're here!

CONGRATULATIONS on getting on the NY Times Bestseller List!! That's awesome. =D And I look forward to seeing you on Oprah tomorrow.

Take, care. ;o)

Sooo happy for you Heather! I can't wait to see you on Oprah.

Hi Heather, I just finished your book. It took me about 3 days, most of which was on public transit which was kind of embarrassing because I cried the entire time. It was such a lovely book, I really enjoyed it. Thnx.

I am so bummed that I missed your San Francisco reading. I had it on my calendar since you first announced your tour dates and had been looking forward to it ever since. I fully planned on driving out to see you (from an hour outside the city). But then the hubby had a thing so I had baby duty, and on top of that I got sick. Boo.

But I did buy your book. And I'm happy to hear your tour has been so successful. Congrats!

Just letting you know I'm holding out for a copy in Australia :) I keep pestering my local bookshop and they're trying, apparently.

Keep up the good work :) Wish we could get a book signing all the way out here!

Holy Christ! I'm in the top 200 comments!
Anyhoo, enough about me and on to: you. Congrats on the best seller list!! I have my copy (pre-ordered, of course) and am waiting until the semester is over so I can take my time and savor it. (F'ing *job* screwing up my life again).

Congrats congrats congrats! You rock.

I'm SOOOOOOOO excited to see you in Denver tomorrow! THANK YOU for coming!

is it weird that I almost clapped because I was so excited about your book being a best seller??? so happy for you =D congrats!

Now that you're a NY Times Bestselling author, that Oprah needs to have you on her show in the flesh, if nothing else so you can smell her. ;)

Congrats!

You never cease to amaze me! I don't know which is cooler, the NY Times Bestseller List OR Oprah. (The hairy vagina coin purse totally beats both of them, though.)

Just finished reading your *entire* blog last week and I love you(in a non-toe licking way, of course!)

I totally understand travelling 7 months preggo-I did that with my 20 month old, and NOT recommended, by the way! I seriously wanted to tell the airport to suck it but I also wanted to catch my flight!

My blog sucks ass compared to yours, but you have inspired me to be more open and myself with my writing.

Anyway, thanks for keeping me company with my newborn through her nighttime feedings, and I can't wait to get your book when I get into town.

Dude - swollen feet suck. I'm almost 7 months along now and my saviour has arrived in the form of compression socks. They are worth it, even though you may need help putting them on. (Although, my husband has proved pretty much useless in this dept. He managed to catch my baby toe this morning and it made me worry that he's going to injure our child just getting him dressed.)

Congrats on the Best Seller List! That's wonderful!

Congratulations...on everything!! You're living my dream. :)

Congrats..so sorry I am unable to make it to your book signing tonight in Denver..I even bought the book 2 weeks ago in hopes to get it signed tonight but life got in the way. I started reading your blog because of Lily Chan. I went to school with her in Singapore...FYI I am an ultrasound TECHNOLOGIST not technician which you state in your book several times..We are very sensitive about being called technicians because we don't fix your car, heating or air conditioning

I have a friend who just taped on Oprah last week. I'll ask him about the great smelling thing and get back to you...

Dee

Congratulations on making the NY Times best seller list! I am so excited for you!

The New York Times bestseller list?!? That is just amazing, congratulations!

My husband bought me your book as a surprise "just because" gift. It was on my Amazon wishlist. I'm not finished with it yet, but so far I freaking LOVE IT. You are awesome, and I'm thrilled that it made the bestseller list!

w00t

come to canada!! well ok, maybe you can have the baby first. :P

congrats heather!! i'm buying the book the second i get home from the UK, so excited for it.

Heather!! I'm a little bitter that you didn't come to Boston, but I set my bitterness aside long enough to read the book. You being on the bestsellers list gives me that feeling you get when something really good happens to a friend you really like. I'm so happy for you guys with the book and the baby and I probably need to explore how I can like people this much who I don't actually know.

Congratulations on making the best seller list. Received my copy of the book last week and finished it last night, and I loved it. We are just a couple of weeks apart on our pregnancies (I am due 5/29) and I love reading your updates these days as I feel like I'm right there with you. Keep doing what you do! Stay healthy -
Stephanie

You could try using elastic shoelaces. They stay tied, but expand to let your foot slide in easily. They are used for people who have difficulty tying their shoes.

Congratulations! Well deserved. I downloaded the book to my Kindle last night and could not put it down. You are an amazing and gifted writer!

(So I suspect one day the story will go something like this (Mother to child: "NOT ONLY DID I CARRY YOU IN MY WOMB FOR 9 MONTHS AND ENDURED X NUMBER OF HOURS OF LABOR - BUT I FLEW CROSS COUNTRY, ENDURED 7 AIRPORT SECURITY CHECK POINTS...AND BOOK LAUNCH DATES...AND MADE THE BEST SELLER LIST...CUT ME SOME SLACK KID!") It sounds far more meangingful than just your usual "I was in labor with you for 3 days..." routine.

Congrats on finishing the book tour! I know your husband will be glad your back.

Chris
www.marriageconfessions.com

And yet, Doritos smell like dirty socks. Miss Winfrey = definitely doesn't.

Ditto on the other 153 comments. Yes, maybe crocs would work. As airport only shoes. Can't wait until Oprah!

Interesting fact about Crystal Gayle: when she's touring, she gets down on her hands and knees and goes over every square inch of carpeting in her hotel rooms and gathers up any hairs that may have fallen from her head while she was in residence. She twirls her finger on the carpet until the hair is wrapped around her finger AND THEN SHE SAVES THE HAIR TWIRLS IN A BOX AND TAKES THEM HOME.

Becasue Crocs are from Boulder, I think they should send you a lovely gift basket to be waiting for you at the Tattered Cover-shoelace problem remedied. Ooh, hopefully they'd put in a pair of their new heels!

Congratulations on making the New York Times Best Seller List! Wow!!!! You are amazing.

Your book was awesome!!! I just finished reading it yesterday, and it is honestly the best book Ive read in awhile. Its hilarious and sad (I feel your pain about the depression) ...but it is so honest. I love honest. Thank you for being such an amazing person and for sharing your story with us.

Congratulations on making the bestseller list! I just wanted to add my little voice to the pro-Dansko shoe lobby. I am eight and a half months pregnant and they are the only shoes I wear. Slip on and off, mold to your feet, and never give blisters. Best present I've received the whole pregnancy.

Heather,

Congratulation on your well deserved recognition. Good luck with your traveling with your giant belly.

Love you

THEY HAVE 100 CALORIE CHEETOS NOW.

Please tell me you've tried the new Late Night Taco and Jalapeno Popper flavored Doritos. They've taken Doritos to a whole new level, even capturing the lettuce taste for the former and the cream cheese taste for the latter. They're magical.

Ha. I met someone who said he was on the Oprah Show and yes, the very first question I asked him was, "Did she smell good???" Yeah, I wonder why that is.

Ohhhh. What about a vagina shaped coin purse covered in Crystal Gayle's hair?
Shit. The police are here again.

Two highlights from Seattle, the coin purse and the guy from Alaska opening admitting that you scared the shit out of him. I almost peed a little. Your face was priceless. Congrats on the NYT!

So happy to read you're looking forward to Baby#2. B-vitamins got me through postpartum depression #1, and avoided it completely with #2. Take care! Eat healthfuly, and do ask for help! Probably everyone will be happy to give you help!

After a few stunned seconds imagining this already notorious coin purse, I have to say that I am loving the idea of dragging my 7-and-three-quarters-year-old daughter to the Tattered Cover tonight for the reading. I can only hope the People of the Denver Metro Area (aka my homies) can think of better things to gift you with.

The coinpurse wasn't made with human hair was it?

Where the hell do you buy such a thing...

CROCS! I would LOVE to see you break down and buy a pair, so comfy on pregnant feet and no blisters involved. Ha ha

Otherwise, some slip on sneakers that have no back to the shoe... there are dozens of options like these out there http://www.dsw.com/dsw_shoes/catalog/product.jsp?productRef=SEARCH&categ...

Congrats on the NYT bestseller list!

Can't wait to see you in Austin, I have delayed a vacation just to come and see you!

You're still behind that dead library cat on the list!

Heather,

I got my copy on Friday. I'd tried to get it here in Oxford, MS before then and the ONE AND ONLY BOOKSTORE in town was sold out. So when they ordered more they stuck one back for me. I have to tell you that it was as awesome as I thought it would be. I started reading it Friday evening after I got home and finished just before 3 on Saturday. My husband said "Wtf are you reading? You never read!? That must be one damn fucking good book!" Just as I was closing it after reading the final remark I said "Best fucking book I've read in a long time!!" I have to tell you that I laughed until tears were streaming down my face at the "pee scene in the woods" where the man and son came by. GOOD STUFF!

Thanks girlie for a good read!

Congratulations on the book tour and all of your other accomplishments. Now this may sound creepy but you are an inspiration to the rest of us women bloggers trying to get our writing noticed.

There is nothing good about Oprah. You know that sweet smell coming from her? It's the sickly sweet smell of decay.

You need to eat at Stubb's BBQ while you're in Austin. It's incredible! I'm a TX girl and eat it religiously when I go back.

I bet you are so glad to be nearly done with this tour and get home to your family. That is until Jon starts annoying you within minutes of your arrival and you return to wanting to strangle him again...or something like that.

I was the first girl to stand up and say Hi in Seattle. I was the girl that turned to the audience and totally fucked up my OWN NAME.

Hai! I'm BRILLERZ.

But the godhonest truth is that I loved you and I loved hearing you speak. I could've licked you when you said you don't reply to the negative energy emails because seriously, what the fuck, yo? What's with the hate?

Thanks for doing this, Heather. For breaking down the barriers of mom blogging and making it the classy that it is, Vaginas (Vaginae?) and all.

XOXO

Your book tour sounds like quite the success. I'm sure that will be very exciting to be on Oprah.

A friend of mine told me about the vagina coin purse - she saw you in Seattle. I just want to know if it zips up, and if so, where, and if it zips up where I hope it does, I hope the zipper-pull-thingy is the you-know-what.

So you know. Future Daily Style maybe?

So glad that your book is doing well, I have been reading, laughing and telling my friends. I appreciate your candid descriptions of pregnancy and birth (I am still horrified of having babies). I will probably regret reading it as I am trying to overcome this fear. Regardless, it's refreshing to read a humourous cautionary tale that has love written all over it.

I empathize with you over the look the lady gave you in the airport about your shoes. I received the same lovely look when I had to buy a bridesmaid dress at 7 months pregnant...but the dress was for 6 months from then. The saleslady asked me if I had tried on the dress. I looked at her and said "I'm 7 months pregnant and the wedding is not until July...why would I try it on now?". The sales lady just asked again "But did you try it on to see if it fit??"

I saw you on Oprah today and you were EXCELLENT! That's how I found out about your blog! (Am I the last one in America to find out about you?) I was laughing, I was sobbing and in between runs to the bathroom I fell in love with your honesty! (Oh, no, I am not crazy! I am a 3 month pregnant mom who has a 3 year old toddler LOL). Long story short - you got yourself a new fan :o)

Just saw you on Oprah...you look great!! God bless on the tour...I also though I was the only one who felt like sh&t right after given birth to my first baby..I wish I knew about your blog a year ago;-(

I just saw you on Oprah and you are so cute!!!!

I totally just saw your face pop up on Oprah talking about the "liquids" involved with mothering. :) So I had to run over here and make sure it was you!

i wish, *WISH*, you were closer to northern colorado so i could come see you. but you are about an hour & a half away from where i live. with a 9 month old & a husband in the oil field i am unable to drive that far to have my copy signed by you. boo to long drives on a monday!

i'm glad your tour & pregnancy is going well. also you picked a good day to come to colorado as the weather is sooo much better than it was this weekend.

have fun in tx.

Just watched Oprah...was great!

And I would have to agree that inquiring minds do want to see the hairy vagina purse......

Forget about the NY Times best seller list, is getting a hairy, vagina shaped coin purse not up there on your dream come true list? That is the best. I wonder if she sells them on Etsy?
Congrats for your huge achievement. I am almost done your book. It is so honest not mention seriously funny. I bought your book last week after giving a speech about my own PPD at a forum for service providers. You have given me the courage to be proud of who I am and of what I have overcome and to be honest about it. Thank you.
P.S. When are you coming to Toronto?

Heather, You ROCKED on Oprah! Just happen to catch the intro and thought, "I bet this is the one with Dooce!" So glad my channel-surfing led me to Oprah today. Congrats on the NYT list. You, John, Leta & baby deserve it.

Two things I want to say right now:
1. I LOVE that your book made it to "the list". It was fantastic. I gobbled it up.
2. I was at the famed "vagina coin purse" night and witnessed said coin purse myself. That was something!

Four things I wish I could've said on the vagina coin purse night but didn't because I was a NERVOUS NELLIE meeting you for the first time. DORK!
1. Because you are so honest about your battle with depression/anxiety, I am finding more strength in my own battle.
2. It feels so much less painful to tell people that I too suffer from depression/anxiety and have gotten help and will now be on medication for the rest of my life, just like someone with diabetes, for example. I can do that in large part b/c of you. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
3. You looked really great on the vagina coin purse night. Glad I got to see you.
4. Good luck with the new baby.

PS - Never thought I'd type or say the words "vagina coin purse night".

I am so sad I can't see you tonight in Denver! I thought for sure I would be able to convince my husband to "let me go", but alas I am 39 weeks pregnant and 45 minutes away and there is just no driving that far by myself tonight (we've got a 2 year old at home). I read your book this weekend and it is fantastic! You are so strong and FUNNY! Which, of course, I knew - but I must have laughed outloud at least once on every page. Thanks for triggering some great contractions. GOOD LUCK TONIGHT!!

PS - I'm watching your segment on Oprah right now...

you are a total dumbass-your life is boring and you for some reason think you are funny and that people think you are great. You are a mommy blogger-takes a lot of talent there-also takes a lot of talent to take your blog entries and put them into a book. The stupid people who read your blog are the only ones dumb enough to want to re-read what you already wrote.

and maybe if you'd have skipped some of your daughters vaccinations she would not be so whiny and annoying. You may not be able to understand why some people choose to not vaccinate their children-but maybe you have never taken your daughter home from the doctors office screaming and in convulsions and lose all language that she previously had, later leading to a diagnosis of Autism when she was fine the minute before the shot hit her leg. But that is ok-I do not understand why someone with a non-interesting life thinks the world wants to read all about her and her pussy whipped husband who may as well be wearing a dress himself. Nothing like two lazy-asses trying to make a profit off of it-it is what makes America beautiful. At least you do not have to worry about losing a job-there will always be a market for the people who have nothing better to do with their lives to read about others.

And your hair looks stupid all flat ironed. I know you think you are hot shit Heather-but really-there are many of us who used to read your blog when you were KIND of funny who now realize that you are irrelevant and boring and just because you say something is cool not all of us are lemmings and follow your every word. We come here to laugh at you and see how far up your ass John is and how high up on the horse you are riding these days.

And ooooo-just can't wait until you pop out your next kid. Hope it does not get Autism or any other neurological disorder from all of the shots you jam into it.

Yikes, #237. Having a bad day? Or just digging for attention? Either way... get a grip and take a breath. Your behavior can only be described in two words:

LAME.

We can tell Oprah doesn't read Dooce, Oprah said:
"poo is important heather" anyone who reads Dooce knows that Heather thinks poo :D

Your Dad must be very dad proud the rest of the world thinks you don't think about poo often.

Hope that make sense!

Thanks to you--the power of suggestion, my love of Nacho Cheese, and delicious Doritos--my keyboard will be tinged orange by the time I am done studying tonight.

CONGRATULATIONS! on the book!!!! What shoes does one match with the new purse?

Hope to meet you in Austin.

Hey Heather - Just picked up your book at Barnes and Noble (20% off, thank you very much). I was wondering.....since you never stop in my home town (Saint Louis) can I send you my book for a signature??
I will wait with baited breath for your reply; I am looking forward to snuggling up with my hard cover when my two girls go to bed.
Laura
ldennigmann@yahoo.com

Heather ~
so, so wonderful to meet you in Portland. Truly a dream come true, except for all that pressure to tell you everything I wanted to tell you with a hundred people in line behind me, and failing at it miserably. I don't even know if the actual words THANK YOU left my lips, and as I kept telling my husband, if I didn't get to say anything except that, I'd be happy. But, between my caffeine consumption that day & being nervous as hell to meet you, I was glad to have not made a total & complete fool of myself :) And, I met some really wonderful people while waiting on line at Powell's!

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Heather, for making the world a less scary place for us crazies & for giving us a voice. I can honestly say that my Ellis would not have a mom today if it weren't for your absolute bravery. You gave me the strength to not take the entire contents of my medicine cabinet, and for that, I will be eternally grateful.

Tracy, Ellis' mom

It was so great to meet you in LA! Congrats!!!

Dearest Heather: What a damn inspiration you are to us fellow mom bloggers! I was so happy to see you on Oprah today! (I will have to blog about it!) I love love love that you keep it real!!!! I can't wait to see your journey with baby #2! I happen to be a day behind you on your due date, and feel your pain when not being able to see your feet :-) I also wonder what my journey will be like with baby #2 coming soon! If anything it will be GREAT blogging material right?
I adore you, and always look forward to a great read when having a crap day with my toddler at home and being 7 months pregnant (feeling ugly and fat).

Maybe while you are on your book tour you could wander into the baby isle and pick up a few books on vaccination.

You should also consider looking for books that explain the dynamic world we live in, fueled by corporations funding research that the media pushes on naive people who, in turn, call themselves "informed."

Also, testimonial from mothers who know, immediately, that something terrible has happened to their child after a vaccination may be pertinent.

Of course, so much research has already been done on vaccinations, as you point out. If only there were a control group of people who have never been vaccinated so we could study the occurrence of autism within that particular group of people.

Oh wait, there is such a group: the Amish. The occurrence of autism? None.

Also, just because your child does not have full blown diagnosable autism doesn't mean that your child (or their IQ) hasn't been affected by a vaccine.

Of course, you can't expect people doped daily with flouride to make logical decisions.

Get smart, people. If you're getting your information from the evening news, you're not getting real information at all.

Saw you on Oprah....I heard a hint of Memphis...
Very good comments, and I totally agree with sending her to her room, just because you could not see the city.

Saw you on Oprah today (eagerly anticipated, I might add), but have not yet finished it on DVR. Can't wait, love the topic and was thrilled that, while I watched, my husband was in the room to hear some of what was being said. (He even seemd to pay attention!)

Just had to follow up with the commenter (255 I think) who used the Amish to prove the point about autism and vaccinations. My pediatrician, addressing my concerns over the connection between vacs and autism, actually stated quite the opposite. The Amish have a much higher incidence of autism than the general public.

Before bashing anyone for his or her choices, please at least do us all the favor of being informed about your topic. And if you want to provide "real information" (as opposed to what is being offered on the nightly news) why not post as yourself, instead of anonymously, so that we know where to go for that dose of reality.

Love your blog been reading it for over 2 years. Loved seeing you on oprah today thanks for always making me laugh!

OOhhh and also... Per comment 255;

I once dyed the color of my eyebrows a different color then my hair. I am SUPER stoked I can now blame that on my fluoride habit!
*whew! I thought I'd have to live with that one forever.

What? No book signings in Charleston?! Come on Dooce, what about your fans in the south!?

Dammit - I missed yet another cahnce to see you here in colorado.

I claim sleep deprivation from my 3 week old who only let me sleep for 3.5 hours last night and those hours were not even in a row.

She probably would have slept the full 2.5 hours to denver from pueblo - but then i might have enjoyed the quiet so much i might have fallen asleep also!

Love you, loved the book, loved Oprah! Contgats on the NYT accomplishment.

POO IS IMPORTANT is my new personal mantra. :)

hope you enjoy the last leg of your tour. so glad you made it to portland. i read a little bit of your book each time i breastfeed my five month old. i often startle him with my laughter, and confuse him with my tears. i look forward to feeding him even more than i did before!

i'm sad to be nearing the last chapter. i don't want it to end. i guess i'll just have to read it again.

my friends all want to borrow my book. i'm not lending out my signed copy! i told them to suck it and get their own. see, i'm helping sales (though it looks like you're doing just fine without me.)

You have inspired me! I watched Oprah today and relived the pain and joy of having small children all over again. Good for you and the other two women on the show for writing about it! Just you wait until you have spent over $90,000 on your daughter's college education and she decides to move to freakin' AFRICA!!!! It never ends!

I can't believe you are going to be on Oprah. That is so amazingly awesome.

Good luck.

Addie

Congratulations!!!!

FAVORITE LINE SO FAR:

"I never could have comprehended how magical it was to be a ripe pregnant woman, belly widening inches per day, grumpy and irritable from sleep deprivation, burping acidic salsa into my dog's face."

Okay, I swear I read the entire post but my mind keeps going back to the hairy vagina change purse. All sorts of images are flying through my head now.

I am bummed! I just watched Oprah and came to the site to check it out. Apparently, 5 hours ago you were about 3 blocks away from me signing books at the Tattered Cover. That's so wrong! Well, it was nice to almost meet you anyway.

Liz in Highlands Ranch

I am so po'd that I missed your Denver visit. I had it on a sticky note for 2 months...and I still forgot. But I am watching Oprah right now.....good show!!!

Guess the lady in the airport never had kids, or she would have offered to tie your shoes! I think I hate her!

Congrats on your book!!

Best seller lists...Oprah appearances...good God woman, it's all happening!!! Congrats on your much deserved success! Now all we gotta do is get you on a promo tour here in Australia...!!! :)

I saw you in Oak Brook. You looked fantastic. You're such a slim pregnant lady -- and stylish! Thanks for coming out, and good luck picking out a name for #2.

This makes me wish I was one of those stay-at-homes again and I could actually see Oprah. I'll have to search online for that after it's aired.

Don't suppose you could work in "Coin purse in the shape of a hairy vagina" into your next interview could you? Think that might just make my ENTIRE year.

You know, I've never left a comment on here before, but I've been reading dooce for three years now. I began blogging in 2005 when my husband and I joined the Peace Corps and continued writing hardcore during our 10 month overland trip through the Middle East and Africa afterward. Pretty crazy experience and I'm so glad I blogged. But now we're back, and as honestly happy as I am to be in a place with landscaped medians, DIRECTV and 25 different varieties of rice, my blogging has fallen away. But last night I saw you (I was the prego one who didn't look prego) and I must say, you were even better in person! Perhaps I'll start writing again. A few things:
1) It's very odd (and slightly ironic) that you were scheduled to be at the Highlands Ranch (i.e. very vanilla and boring suburb) Tattered Cover. Odd because there's a MUCH cooler Tattered Cover on Colfax and ironic because the Highlands Ranch Tattered Cover happens to be very near one of the biggest and newest Mormon temples in our state.
2) You have inspired me to be as honest as possible when blogging. Thank you. I've learned, partly from you, that when you put it all out there---that's when you connect with people. Cuz they're like "Hey, I feel that way too!" And you realize that while you are not so unique, you are not so weird, either. . .and that you have metaphorically met eyes with strangers all across the country ;-) And that's awesome.
3) You have also inspired me to increase my level of humility, both in my life and esp. in my marriage. Good times. My husband, especially, thanks you.
4) Finally, a question. I think one of the best things about a blog is the documentation its leaving for posterity--the chronicling of a life. And in your newsletters to Leta, you are recording her childhood through your eyes in a beautiful way. I plan to do something similar for my little one due in September. However, what's most awesome about blogging (putting it all out there) is also what can be so difficult--speaking publicly about what some people would prefer be kept private. And I was wondering: What will you do once Leta can regularly read your blog? At some point, will you get her blessing to write about her? And how will her reading it change what you write?

Thanks again for the inspiration. Oh and if you happen to look up my blog, don't forget to add the hyphen. Unless you're actually looking for ass porn in which case, gloryho without the hyphen will take you right there. ;-)

P-H-O-E-N-I-X ... come to Phoenix with your book tour. We have bookstores that would love to host a signing. We have Dooce readers that would love to meet you. We're not just blowing sand, cactus and rattlesnakes ... really! It's warm and sunny and a short flight from SLC. Just think about it.

I couldn't watch because I was at work but my mom did and after quizzing me about if I knew who you were, told me I needed to be like you and have a wonderful blog, haha!

It was so lovely to meet you and Jon at the Tattered Cover signing last night. I of course had nothing interesting to say and felt terrible about being one of the lastest persons in line, knowing you must be so tired by that time of the night. I can't thank you enough for visiting every state I just happened to be in! :)

As I was leaving, I commented to one of the staffers who had spent the last hour or so of your signing trying to get everything back into place after having to move it all to accommodate your crowd that it must be a pain in the ass to have to do that for every author that comes in for a signing. She looked at me kind of funny and said "Oh, we normally don't have to do this much, usually it's just about (15 feet of space she indicated) that we have to clear out. This was a MUCH LARGER crowd than we're used to." Aww, you are just that awesome!

Oh, and you were great on Oprah (as were all your Momversation pals!). Now never go on that show again, I don't think I could sit through another hour of Oprah in my lifetime.

The book is wonderful so far. Thanks for all your hard work.

So I discovered your blog yesterday after watching Oprah...sorry I know I am not a "dedicated" fan, but I have to say... wow wish I had found you sooner.
I ordered your book about 10 minutes ago from Amazon, and I am sooo excited to read it... it is so refreshing to know there is someone out there that tells the truth. i am currently at the beginning of my first pregnancy, and still in the first trimester, and already on bedrest, so I will spend the day reading your archives.
thank you again for your honest perspective, and excusing my excessive use of commas'