Abbreviated exclamation point
I would normally wait until I had enough hatemail to write a longer post, but the one I got this morning is just too good to keep to myself. From a reader who skipped class the day they talked about punctuation:
youre no one but a slut who loves to fuck her husband and get pregnant and talk about useless stuff so youre a free rider with nothing better to do in life and you dont work god you suck
I'm trying to wrap my head around this one, so bear with me... a slut who loves to fuck her husband? Is this a new brand of slut that I don't know about? The husband-fuckers? Women who love to go around screwing the men they're committed to? Because I thought those people were called wives.
This one also reminds me of a few uninteresting hatemails I got back when I announced my pregnancy from people who were all I TOLD YOU SO! CAN'T TAKE THE MORMON OUT OF THE GIRL! I guess because Mormons typically have large families, and my decision to have a second child proves that I'm trying to populate the entire world with my uterus. You know, they're right. Except I'm not having more than one kid to increase the ranks of my religion. In fact, the only reason I decided to have another child is so that should the need arise and my own stop working, I'll have a wider variety of kidneys to choose from. This is a Mormon teaching known as Emergency Preparedness.
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- Bedtime, Leta lingering defiantly in the hallway. Jon: "If you want fart stories, you better get in bed RIGHT NOW."
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
1. arely said:
hahahahahah
too good to be true.
but it is!
2. Kate said:
How weird.
By the way, you are RADIANT! Love the new picture and interview. I do wish you had interviewed with Kathy Lee. Would have been an epic throwdown.
3. Elizabeth_K said:
I hate it when women love to fuck their husbands! The horror! The absolute horror ... I'm glad someone finally called you on it. Can you PLEASE stop hugging your child (soon to be children), too? IT'S AWFUL. What else, what else? Oh yeah, you are always SMILING.
Seriously, you are awesome, as I hope you know.
4. Daddy Scratches said:
This is the real reason why I want the popularity of my blog to continue to grow: so that I, too, can draw more of these troglodyte spawn out into the open.
5. LJH said:
I love the witty replies to your hatemail. I would like to thank your sarcasm for once again making my day!
6. Carrie said:
That is amazing.
7. Margie said:
I'm with you on that one. . sluts who fuck their husbands..hmmm would guess there are alot of us in that catagory . . and damn proud of it!!
8. Molly said:
My god, can you imaginge being married to that bacon stain of a reader? Wow. Is all of your hatemail that bizarre?
9. Anonymous said:
Wow that is harsh...not to mention completely senseless.
10. Debs said:
I'm sorry that people post such nasty things.
11. Deb said:
From one husband-fucker slut to another:
I'm a husband-fucker, you're a husband-fucker, wouldn't you like to be a husband-fucker too?
All join in.....
12. Jen said:
Hahaha! Free rider? Yeah, Heather, all you do is sit around and do nothing. Geezzz, get off that prego butt and DO SOMETHING!
13. Jenny said:
You're a strong woman. You take a beating for doing things so many of us would aspire to do ourselves. You're amazing
14. Jennifer said:
So if you have nothing better to do with your life then this website, why is Mr. or Mrs. No Punctuation even taking the time to not only read your posts, but then take the extra effort to send you hate mail?
Got to love the haters!
As for me, love dooce.com! I'm so excited to see you in Colorado in April.
15. Anonymous said:
Heather--you friggin rock and this moron is a giant tool of the lowest order, who clearly knows nothing of nouns, verbs, subjects, and predicates. BTW the TV spot was great too! The camera did NOT seem to add 10 pounds at all.
L
16. Sara said:
Oh, I HOPE you and Jon got a long, rib-hurting laugh out of that one, b/c I did.
17. Ashley said:
LOL!!! YOU ARE SO HILLARIOUS! I'm hoping I can come meet you at your book signing in LA...anyways I'm glad you are a slut that loves to fuck your husband...it is a new breed you know....
18. Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com said:
Hey, I'm one of the husband-fuckers too! Look at us crazy, pregnant, husband-fucking sluts! GO TEAM US!
19. Sonia said:
Hahaha... wow... I sense some jealousy there.
20. moggit girls said:
Okay - it would take a WHOLE LOT OF MONEY for us to put up with emails like that. Maybe this 'bloggin' for a livin' deal ain't all it's cracked up to be?
Gotta go - we both must go have sex with our husbands...
Joy and Janet
the moggit girls
21. barbara said:
I am looking forward to the day that I too can be a husband fucker, and not just a regular slut. and smart plan with the kidney manufacturing.
22. Melissa said:
Huh.
I laughed so hard at this one.
BTW Heather, you are so not fat. You look fabulous! I wished I looked as cute as you when I was preggers, keep up the great job of free riding, slutting around with your husband and talking about useless 'stuff'.
23. wendi said:
It totally sucks you get so much hate mail. For what it's worth, I think you ROCK!
24. Ashley said:
geez I'm still laughing and trying to keep it in since I'm at my cube at work! I think this has been one of your best posts!
25. the mighty jimbo said:
eureka! who needs federal funding for stem cell research when you can just grow your own kidneys at home!
26. Bea said:
Fucking Mormon HUSBAND FUCKER.
Ho.
27. Kristan said:
Uh oh. I only sleep with one guy, but I'm not married to him. What kind of horrible monster does that make me?!
28. Cathy said:
Bless you for making me laugh out loud on this beautiful sunny Friday in Arizona while I sit in my shithole cubicle at a floudering piece of shit HMO full of the most incompetent boobs ever spawned. You rock.
29. Anonymous said:
Will someone please think of the children! We must take a stand and stop these husband-fuckers, from destroying the sanctity of marriage.
The horror!
30. JP said:
That is so many brands of awesome.
And by awesome, I mean that I am so sad for the society that breeds that much crazy.
31. amanda said:
Um, that is AWESOME. I only WISH I got hatemail like that. It would totally make my day.
32. Ania said:
Wow. Some people's rants don't even make sense.
33. Cathy said:
P.S. Come to Phoenix on your book tour. PLEASE!
34. Annette said:
Occasionally, when someone nags me about not wanting to have another child, I quip, "Just because you needed a spare in case of emergencies doesn't mean I ascribe to the same mentality." It's not nice, nor is it true, BUT IT FEELS GOOD TO SAY.
The ONLY sure thing in matters dealing with procreation: It is never, ever a good idea (or physically safe) to ask a woman her due date until you are 100% certain she is, in fact, pregnant.
Everything else is festering hotbed of anger and dissenting opinions.
35. just_roberta said:
so, how does Jon feel about you being a slut who fucks her husband.
36. Rosa said:
I am guessing that person is married and doesn't fuck with the spouse...so maybe that is the reason they are surprised that there are people out there who actually love to "fuck" their spouses.
I love your webpage and your comments.
37. Shelly in St. Louis said:
Never really posted before, but have read Dooce for quite some time. I cannot believe that people have nothing better to do with their time - sheesh!
Anyway, you rock Dooce - keep up the GREAT job.
38. KAT said:
This one goes down as one of the best Dooce posts! Hard to ever select just one, but definitely a hall of famer here. Damn that's funny. Nice job.
39. Jillian said:
Thanks for the great laugh!!! You can't even be mad at a person like that because it is so ridiculous:) They might have to worry about God though, because I think they told him he sucks!!!
I found out about your blog through celebritybabies.com and have been addicted ever since. Thanks for fucking your husband, getting pregnant, and talking about useless stuff because I truly enjoy reading about it.
40. Kate said:
Wow, the looser who wrote you that is an idiot on so many levels. I remember an episdoe of Dharma and Greg where they get caught having sex in the car. Greg is running for or currently holding a political position and is upset that he will lose the race or his job. Instead, the newspapers run the story of him as a good guy - he actually has sex with his own wife and isn't out there cheating.
I had better have a good sex life when I finally find Mr. Right, because it sure stinks right now! Three cheers from me to all of the happy, "slutty" couples that have a good sex life!
K
41. Andrea said:
I seriously think that "husband fucker" needs to be your masthead for the month of April, it's just too hilarious to not capitalize on!
42. Kate said:
I don't usually comment, but this one is too funny! :o)
I'm pregnant with #2 as well... (after 6 years of being a slut with my husband) I never thought about the kidney reason, but since we're planning on having three kids total and two kids is all many people think you need, I'm totally going to use that line someday in the future when someone makes an idiotic comment. Thanks!
p.s. Your voice on TV didn't sound anything like I imagine it to when I read your posts. Not in a bad way, I was just surprised that it wasn't like I had imagined!
43. the girL said:
That was awesome! I really love how the haters don't realize how dumb they are. You are great... thanks for sharing with us.
And by the way, you look fantastic! XOXO
44. Lisa said:
I JUST HOPE YOUR HATE MAIL WRITER DOES NOT BREED. OMG!!! Thanks so much for sharing that right away today. I NEEDED A GOOD LAUGH as my morning has been idiot-filled and frustrating!!!!!!!!!
45. celeste said:
thanks for the laugh - i really neded one today.
46. Cathy said:
So funny! Thanks for making me laugh. God, I had no idea... but I think I am a slutty husband fucker too.
47. Annady said:
Can't stop laughing! Thanks.
48. Britt said:
While hate mail generally sucks, it might almost be worth having a few haters to get the occasional (I hope) gem like that one.
Looking forward to the Seattle leg of your tour!
49. Kristi said:
Man, is my husband PISSED, because I have been telling him that since I was a slut, I totally shouldn't be fucking my husband. This hate-mailer has just blown my cover story right out of the water, because now he's all YOU TOLD ME SLUTS DON'T FUCK HUSBANDS! I guess I better start warming up my uterus now. DAMN.
Hmm. Coincidentally, my captcha today is "of underskirt". That's what HE said! Ba-dum-bum.
50. Jack said:
It's very inspiring to see how you've taken all the hate mail in stride. A lot of people on the internet now are getting their 15 minutes (whether they like it or not) and after being on the internet for decades, I'm still surprised how hateful a person becomes after you give them a cloak of anonymity and a celebrity punching bag.
You are the coolest husband-lovin' slut on the internet.
51. Kimi said:
I'm impressed that person knew the difference between your and you're, even if they don't believe in punctuation, or fucking your spouse.
52. Andrea said:
I also cannot stop laughing.
Love, a fellow husband-fucker
53. Katherine said:
I love how people love to criticize you for "not working." An awesome local columnist in Cleveland gets the same reaction to her columns as if writing (or web design, photography, etc.) isn't working. I'd love to know what the true definition of working for these people is.
If I could spend my professional life traveling, writing and doing other creative edeavors, WHILST BEING PAID, hell yeah, I'd not be "working" right along with you.
(Next time a project keeps you up at night or adds a little stress to your life, just remember that it's not really work and you'll be fine in no time!)
54. Chaos said:
I believe husband fuckers are call monogamous sluts. New term I learned this year from a friend of mine.
55. Stacey Ball said:
So happy that I can now call myself a slut proudly! I knew marriage had it's advantages!
56. Viktor said:
Stupid woman. You should have had a son instead, they have much bigger kidneys and livers, so they can soak up more of that rum for you!
57. tracy said:
my husband would be so lucky to have a slut as a wife ;)
you're awesome. thanks for the laugh. and you look gorgeous in your momversation clip. everytime I see a photo of you looking all glowing & beautiful, it makes me want to have another child. and then I remember that I did not glow, but rather was a fat blob with feet swelled to the size of Rhode Island. but then I think I'd totally do it all over again.
58. Rena said:
Classic!
59. Parsing Nonsense said:
This post made me giggle, it's so much better when hate mail is too poorly written to take seriously. Also, you make a good point about the women who love to have sex with their husbands. How dare we keep our husband sexually satisfied! What kind of a world is this?
60. Minnie said:
Un-freaking-real. The thought that an individual would actually exert the energy to write (poorly as they may have) something like that amazes me.
61. JudithNYC said:
I am laughing so hard the cat ran away to hide under the stairs and now the downstairs neighbor's dogs are barking. You, slut!!
62. kathy said:
ridiculous. but, i do love the whole kidney farming idea... new venture, possibly?!
63. Jan said:
Could we have a photo of tire treadmarks on a printout of this one?
64. Gillian said:
Two words:
LAME.
Well, three words.
LAME. AND SO AWESOME.
65. Heidi said:
Oh my gosh this is hilarious!!!!! Apparently that person had someone piss in his/her life cereal this morning!!!
I laughed so hard at how you explained this my gut hurts!!! Keep it up you so called "Mormon Populating Husband Fucker!!!"
66. Travis said:
Is there a law saying that trolls and online haters have to fail at grammar?
67. sara said:
1.Did you know that some people call un-punctuated thoughts poetry....:)
2.I can't wait to tell my husband I am a slut!!
3. I never thought about the kidney angle....I sam so prepared.
4. You are fantastic.
68. Amy said:
Excellent. Spouse-fucking is the new morality crisis, producing all those welfare children. Because no non-working, husband-fucking slutbag would ever, like, generate income. Especially not from the righteous hate mail of a half-literate reader.
69. Noelle said:
I just had the best belly laugh over your responses to the dimwits out there. Thank you.
70. Hesper said:
Love it! Ohhh, but I do miss those Emergencey potato pearls!
71. Tara said:
This is exactly why I come back every single day to read your site. You crack me up!
72. Lauren said:
Haha! That was awesome...thanks for posting that! I got my first "hate comment" on my blog about a month ago calling me an "spoiled bitch" because we renovated our kitchen. Still stumps me but I like your newest comment better. Husband-fucker...that is hilarious!
73. Jen said:
I am dying here...simply dying. Punctuation and all...
74. Erica said:
That one is almost as good as my favorite (obviously, you like it too)....Two words: Lame
75. Shannon said:
Hi Heather,
I love your blog! I'm totally hooked on it.
Please continue to write about how you're taking over the world via increasing the population. Your little army is so fun to read about.
76. Michele said:
Whoa, by her(his?) definition, I bet my husband wishes that I were more of a slut. Unfortunately for him, I outgrew my slutiness in high school and college.
77. maylo said:
Thanks for CRACKING ME UP.
Next on Oprah:
The Husband Fuckers - a NEW brand of slut
78. Nikki said:
HAHAHA. Oh boy, I love it. I truly appreciate these loonies for the comedy they provide. You couldn't make this stuff up if you tried!
79. Cristin said:
::snort::
You mean you haven't heard of the Husband-Fuckers Sluts?
You're like...our leader.
80. Kate said:
Okay, if sex is A) slutty, B) not for spouses and C) not for procreational purposes, then what exactly is it for?
Dude.
(Also, I second what everyone else above wrote.)
81. ML said:
That email didn't even sound like a person wrote it. It sounds like a badly written text-generator. Or hate-generator. I can't understand people who write hate mail. Do they think to themselves, "this will show them! ha!" because really. I mean. Really.
82. Jamie said:
Every time I think about how I want my blog to be popular you post one of these and THANK GOD these weirdos don't write to me. Though they are actually pretty funny.
You are totally crazy for actually having sex with your husband, at least twice that we know of. FOR SHAME!
Only kidding. wtf is wrong with people?
83. curly su said:
Good god, what is WRONG with people? Even if there was even one modicum of validity in their comment (which there isn't), what could possibly possess someone to send something like that to another human being? It boggles my mind. And it's not like I'm the nicest person in the world either; I've definitely done my share of acting as the mean girl. But still... to behave like that? It's just screwed up.
84. Nicola said:
Oh yea, you're one of those dirty sluts who give men hope for sex after marriage, how could you let the rest of the team down like that?! haha, I'm guessing if she's (he's?) too lazy to even use punctuation once in a while, they're probably not putting out for their SO either ;-)
85. KT said:
Wow; I would like to know what school system this individual attended to ensure my children stay far, far away. I'm also confused by this person's use of the word slut, as a husband fucker (unless one is not fucking their own husband) is quite contrary to the commonly accepted definition of the word slut. Scary on so many levels!
86. Rachel said:
Well, they kind of have a point. I mean, I get that you're a slut who just loves to fuck her own husband. But do you need to love it SO MUCH, you free rider?
87. Jo Anne said:
And my question is: Why do these people read your blog if they think you are the devil incarnate?? I mean that is basically what the person is saying isn't it?
88. Lisa said:
Excellent! You always have the best responses to the douchemonkey asshat hatemailers who make an effort - albeit in this case a lame, stupid one - to make you feel bad.
89. Michelle said:
"the husband-fuckers". I can't even tell you how much that made me laugh.
I'm a childless boyfriend-fucker who loves your blog and is looking forward to your reading in Portland.
90. Alex said:
I thought this was hysterical!
and I love the 'monogamous sluts' THAT should be the April masthead.
who are these people? I mean, do you ever wonder... ? who would post this? An angry 15-year-old boy, who can't get the girl next door to give him a blow-job?
A pent-up Mormon girl who secretly reads your blog at BYU, WISHING she could have sex without going to hell?
The possibilities are endless... I think the curiosity would kill me...
91. Catherine said:
Ah, sorry there are such nuts out there. You know how to handle them, though! Thanks for a good laugh!
92. Andi said:
I have had a ton of laughs throughout this day but THAT was the best by a thousand miles! Has to have been a total joke, has to have been. Sometimes I think there is a virus spreading through the population faster then any other virus before it; it's a virus called stupidity. Most days I feel like I've awakened in the twilight zone, seriously, that's how insane this last year has been. Who took my normal life and put me in this bizarre life? Am I in the matrix? Neo, is that you?
Love, Andi a.k.a A happily married, rampantly monogamous, loving every minute in bed with my husband, slut.
P.S.I have 3 kids so I guess somehow I became a mormon without realizing it. But I only have 1 son so I'm screwed in the replaceable organ market. Happy daze, you gorgeous married monogamous procreating slut!
93. The Confused Husband said:
"Skipped class" or "Never attended a single class ever"?
94. Kelly said:
HAHAHA! That is too funny!! Well at least you are only a husband fucking slut and not an illiterate asshole! Love your blog......just "found" it with help from a friend. Keep up the great posts and keep laughing at the ASSHATS who send the hate emails......
95. Ilyssa said:
Hilarious. Keep fucking your husband, Heather. You'll be an uber slut in no time. ;)
By the way, you looked beautiful on Today!
96. liz said:
Well, I'm a slut that is faithfully fucking my boyfriend; does that make me more or less of a slut than a husband fucker? I'm confused.
And by free ride, does this hater imply that you're getting a handout from the government and foodstamps to run this totally ass kickin' site? Or does the hater imply that you're working you hiney off to provide us all splendid entertainment while raising a family and writing books?
97. Nikki said:
Seriously, thanks for letting us all enjoy this! Too funny!
98. KiwiJess said:
I'm a first time caller- love ya, love your show...
The fact that you get hate mail at all just really shows how popular your site is. And good for you for being a slutty husband fucker! Most husbands should be so lucky. Really.
99. The niffer said:
There's definitely some good material there for next month's banner.
100. Frankie said:
Wow...sometimes I forget how unstable people are, and then I see something like this and BAM! I remember - Crazies everywhere.
Love your blog; it's an inspiration.
101. Sharon said:
Ha! Husband fuckers, UNITE!
102. Sonnet said:
The more kids you have, the more likely it is that someone is around to fix you a drink and poke you when you pass out with the cigarette in your mouth.
Am I right?
103. Nikki said:
thank god that person is against procreation!! i would hate to know that those genes are being passed on all over the world!!!
104. G said:
Ooh, somebody hates their life and needs to take it out on you, methinks. Clearly they have no husband to madly ravage.
By the way, the words I had to type to post this comment were "pacemaking President." Sometimes I think the comment form is some sort of strange fortune-teller.
105. BonnieBelle said:
The only way it could be worse is if you actually *enjoyed* fucking your husband. Then, wow, you've moved from slut to whore, I think. I'll have to look up those definitions again.
106. Tamara said:
HA!
I am so going to start using that as a comeback!
Someone cuts in line at Wal-Mart.....
me:" oh yeah, well you're a slut who loves to fuck her husband!"
take that.
107. Anonymous said:
You make me laugh everytime I read your website. The person that sent the hate mail really needs to get a life and take a class in English and spelling. Next thing ya know they will be writing hate mail that you show to many pictures of the dogs or some other stupid ass thing.
108. Joy E. said:
Let's hear it for Slutty Husband F*ckers!
People amaze me! I read everyday, but haven't commented before. I couldn't resist today! That was just too funny.
I'll be sure and let my husband know how slutty I am for having sex with him and being pregnant, too!
109. Amanda said:
GASP! People have sex with their husbands?! I think I may pass out from shock! Seriously how clueless are people?
What a hilarious daily dose of dooce
110. Nichole said:
excellent. gotta be prepared!
and hate mail is so much fun.
thanks for not letting it ruin your day and instead sharing the humor with the rest of us!!!
111. Amy said:
The fact that you've found a way to be a pregnant committed husband-fucking slut who gets paid to talk about anything you want makes you a GENIUS, not a free rider. We should all be so lucky. That hate mail was clearly venting from someone unskilled who just lost a job and has no one waiting at home to fuck them into feeling better. Soldier on, monogamous family-loving creative writer.
112. Emily said:
Not just husband-fuckers, but husband-fuckers that fuck their husbands for the purpose of procreation. Sluts!
113. Jill Put Up A Blog said:
Obviously attention seekers because...what??? Love you Dooce baby! You're so fun and a brilliant writer, mommy and wifer. We say 'wifer' over here.
114. Sully said:
totally hilarious! I guess one of those special breeds of slut too. Bummer.
115. Becky said:
I think I lost some brain cells after reading that ridiculous email.
Oh gawd. Im losing cells as i type i cant punctuate anymore and i cant spel no gud eiver you stoopid huzband slut!
p.s. I thought you looked gorgeous on the Today show.
116. Julie said:
If people hate you so much, WHY DO THEY READ YOUR BLOG????? Really people. There is enough ugliness in the world. Why add to it by being so mean?
117. Marianna said:
It's kind of sad that the best anti-woman insults this person could come up with were essentially "you like sex! and...you like sex!"
118. Amy Turn Sharp said:
You made me pee some in my pants. This was so funny. I can honestly say you pulled me from the edge today. Thank you!
119. KK said:
There is just no way to take that idiot seriously with that kind of bad grammar. Don't feel bad, they obviously don't have more than a 1st grade education and clearly have no clue what a slut is!
You rock, plain and simple.
120. Postmodern Sass said:
Heather, you are like the Jon Stewart of bloggers, brilliantly mocking the morons who haven't the intelligence (or vocabulary) to criticize you intelligently, or the clever wit to mock you. So you mock their mocking of you, and revel in the knowledge that they won't even get it. It's so very postmodern, my head positively spins in admiration.
121. Angella said:
So I am guessing that Mormon wives are the biggest sluts on the planet?
122. Sandra said:
Heather,
I think I love you (in a very frient-to-friend type of way).
Thanks for the Friday afternoon laughs!
123. Wiley said:
I for one applaud you. Sure, kids are molded by the parents and all, but in another sense having another child is like pulling the lever on a giant slot machine. Or maybe it's like a box of chocolates. In any case, it's not like a Tom Hanks movie, where you pretty much know you're going to get Tom Hanks.
124. Maura said:
Amazing. You sure do bring it out in people, don't you? What I love is that they're too dense to realize that you're going to make them look like the idiots they are because you're not afraid to go there. :-)
125. Anonymous said:
What is wrong with these people? It scares me that they are part of the society we live in...
126. sarasophia said:
You ARE my girl crush.
<3 sarasophia
127. Randi said:
I don't normally comment b/c so many others do and all that gravy.. and I tend to think you get so many one more wouldn't really matter... but I just had to comment today to let you know I luuuurve to read you! I have you on my blogroll and every morning I check it to see if you've posted! Who cares about the haters.... they SUCK!
128. DesignGirl said:
Totally awesome! I can't wait to tell my husband I'm a husband-fucking slut! Wait! He already knows it! We just celebrated 3 years of marriage 3.11.09. And we still do it at least 5-6 times a week ... WITH EACH OTHER ... sometimes twice in one day! But we have no children - amazing, huh? I am blood type A+, so Heather, if you wouldn't mind sharing one of those spare kidneys with a sistah-husband-fucking-slut, I'd much appreciate it!
129. Melissa said:
That is so funny! Thanks for the laugh. I really needed it today.
130. Beret said:
This brought me out of lurkdom too. I'm still laughing. Whoo boy, where do you find these people?
131. Emily said:
Seriously, your response to hate mail is hilarious! If these people hate you so much, why do they read you and then take the time to comment? Too much time and hate on their hands.
Thanks for the laugh!
Way to say it!
BTW, I'm a Mormon and I CERTAINLY don't plan to populate the earth with my uterus. That job is for other people!
132. k. said:
I've never commented before, but after today, I just have to say, I think I love you.......
133. Susan L said:
Written by a VERY jealous person who would is envious of your life!
134. Mary Tyler S said:
awesome. period. Proud husband-fucker here! Got a baby in MY uterus to prove it as well! Please continue to share these hilarity's. I needed this laugh today...
135. Melissa said:
I cannot believe you fuck your husband? How dare you?! ;o) I must be a real hooker-skank with FOUR kids!
136. Ashley said:
Damn it dooce....i just went to put the Austin book signing on my calendar and its fucking Passover...what are all the Jews in Austin and Texas going to do.....I was planning to come see you in Austin, but I know how my mom will get if I don't make it to Passover dinner for the first night. Any other Texas dates?? How about coming to Houston??
137. Kathie Lee said:
heather you slut you have to stop publishing my emails to you and by the way you should come back on with me and hoda woman or come back sooner while frank my decrepit old husband is my cohost cause i am now a total expert on the internets and all that bloggering business and now i am a twit or whatever that thing is called so you can follow me uh oh having a hot flash gotta go.
138. Laura said:
It's really very fascinating. You know, this girl from school thought I was a slut because she saw my boyfriend go into my room three times in two months. Same guy. Three times. And we weren't even having sex. It's good to know that there are people that are so entertaining. They make people as entertaining as you even more entertaining when you get to return the favor on the internet in a much more educated and skilled fashion. And by the way... you are a beautiful pregnant woman! No fat... just glow haha
139. Mama Sass said:
Jesus H. Christ, that is the funniest thing I've read all week! Husband fucking slut? Genius!
For the record, I hate people who don't punctuate. Lazy!
Keep on sluttin' it up woman!
140. Fabulox said:
Brilliant!!!!! nice to know that fidelity and children born into wedlock are now considered sluttish behavior. how disappointing because today my OB/Gyn told me I should have more sex with my husband. Sounded like a good plan to me. Hmmmmm perhaps it's too slutty though. Maybe the neighbor would be a better solution.
141. Mommica said:
My guess? That is a 12-year-old boy whose mom grounded him for Googling "sluts" so, while she was at work today, he found another way to be naughty on the internets.
142. Schlecki said:
I'm disappointed that you didn't address the "you dont work god" comment.
/gotta love the haters, they sure do fuel our creativity.
143. Anonymous said:
I am reading under the Banner of God and I honestly cannot not even explain to you or anyone how sick the Mormon religion is to me. I have never in my life learned so extensively about any religion other than Catholicism and I was pretty sure nothing got worse. Mormons you have proved me wrong, you are some fuck up people! Mormon Fundamentalists you are rapist and in my opinion deserve to die for what most of you have done to little girls!
144. lucinda said:
seriously, what is wrong with the people? i am a huge fan, but havent ever commented, but felt compelled to write today.
thank you for your raw honesty. keep it up, i love it.
145. Tiffany said:
As an inactive Mormon and convert to the church, I find your Mormon comments hysterical (and not offensive)! But poor grammar and punctuation is very offensive! I love your blog, you make me smile and laugh out loud regularly! I can't wait to meet you in Denver, I hope the whole crew (including Chuck and Coco) are there!
146. heather{dot}com said:
Us husband fuckers are always going around causing trouble. It's the ones who aren't fucking their husbands who keep the world going.
Please let "populating the entire world with my uterus" be your next blog header.
147. Brittany E. said:
I always told my older brother that the only reason you have a second child is because you are not satisfied with the first :)
148. Katie said:
This post was such a great pick me up for a boring Friday afternoon at the office! I tend to think you'd be somewhat offended by certain hate-mailers, but somehow I think this one was pure entertainment for you.
149. Beth said:
OMG! I laughed so hard at this email. It really reminds me of some of the English papers I receive from my students (except they don't usually swear). I'm sure this person meant to be serious, but that is the funniest thing I've ever read. You need to frame that one right there.
150. Curlsz said:
uhh scary!!! i love that they said YOU have nothing to do - as they take time out of their very fulfilled life to email a useless piece of junk your way...
151. Ashley said:
LOL thats just too funny. Really what an idiot.
152. sara p. said:
To piss more people off, I think you should add a Bourbon countdown ticker to the site. Every day, it'd count down to your first Makers Mark of the new post-second-child incubation world.
Sidenote: Love your tits in that top. (Name that movie.)
153. Sandi said:
I fucking hate the anonymous haters! One of my bigger blog friends told me when the trolls start coming, you will know you've arrived. I can't even imagine what YOU have to deal with! HOLY SHIT!
Thank you for sharing that little gem with us.
As for "emergency preparedness", Oh my Hell, I was laughing my ass off. As a disgruntled Mormon myself, I totally get you. TOO FUNNY
154. Laura said:
Hey, even if there was a lack of apostrophes, at least he used the correct your/you're/yore! Although, I haven't seen "yore" used very often these past few decades or so. That would have been interesting!
155. Melissa said:
Wow, I hardly know why I'd comment after 143 others have thrown their two cents in...but here I go!
As a recovering Mormon 5 months pregnant myself, CHEERS to emergency preparedness! (or, hold the CHEERS for a few more months) That was fabulous. I just found your blog recently and I love it! I look forward to your posts everyday.
156. pam said:
I wish if you have to get hate mail it could at least be pithy and well written. Is that too much to ask?
157. Brittany said:
P.s-I was so excited to come see you in Hollywood for the booktour. Then I saw that it is the week before my wedding, and I was so dissapointed. Can you come twice? Please. No? Ok.
158. Amy said:
I don't want to encourage this sort of hate mail, but a fantastic post would be an "interview" with this hate mailer. I am dying to know exactly what sort of a whack-job of a human wrote that.
I'm not a husband-fucker at the moment, but you can be sure I aspire to be one.
Keep up the good work, Dooce.
159. Angelica said:
You get funny hate mail from very stupid people. And I agree with Sara P #152 a Bourbon ticker would be awesome and would surely piss people off. I didn't know that having two children made you Mormon...lol...love the blog...truly!!!
160. Jen said:
Heather, you rock!
161. Jen said:
Nothing but....LOL!
162. kelsey said:
the hilarity ensues! i don’t get why these people even write to you…seems a little hypocritical for them to admit they’re even reading your site. you're awesome, they'll get theirs, karma’s a b!tch!
163. Musheroo said:
How do you deal with e-mails like that?! Gah, more than taking those to heart, they would simply infuriate me. Why do people waste their time making a fool of themselves?
I just don't get it.
P.S.) I can't wait to see you in Denver!!! :D
164. Lizzy said:
Oh for the love of...
How can people this stupid live? One would think their lack of brain cells would have killed them by now.
"Hey y'all... watch this!"
p.s. I'll drink heavily for you. I've already over-populated the earth with three well-read citizens. I'm going to hell in a handbag.
165. Erin said:
best interpretation of emergency preparedness of all time!
makes me almost want to have my own emergency kit...i mean kid. but i think i'll just count on all those extras everyone else is having.
166. LIndsey said:
I enjoy reading your site. Thats about all I need to know about you it really doesn't matter if I agree or disagree with you....why do so many people feel it's their right to comment on your life? And why is there way of life right and yours wrong? Also has this person actually ever read your blog? I'm so confused and lost now haha
167. Sweet Herald said:
Snort!
At least they correctly spelled "you're."
Married, pregnant sluts in boots! Lawd.
168. Reshmi said:
Hahah, this just made my day!! I love your sarcasm!!
169. Andia M said:
A friend of mine turned me on to your site. I love how honest and funny you are!
So YOU DON'T SUCK!! YOU ROCK!!
170. Kristen from MA said:
Fuck the haters, Heather! Fuck 'em!
171. E2WCoastMom said:
Stunning. Stupefying. Wild. The intensity with which people rave is always striking to me. There are so many wise "golden rules" that could help guide us all from such behaviour:
*treat others the way you would like to be treated, or
*if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all
Alternately, one could try to be mature, and have a sensible conversation to understand what drives us to make different choices in this world. This could even bring us together...
Oh. Wait. I was dreaming. Sorry about that.
As I reflect back on the note, I've decided it comes from a married man who is jealous and doesn't get any.
Thanks for sharing and hang in there!
172. Amy said:
You get the best emails!
173. Annie said:
It's so sad to see how needlessly hateful people can be. Sorry you have to deal with all of this!
174. Liz said:
wait, wait, WAIT!!! this post is so funny, heather. i looove your writing. love it. you're the bomb.
175. Katie said:
Damn! I'm a wife and a stay-at-home-mother of two kids. I had no idea I was so hated for doing such horrible things such as loving my husband and raising my kids! I think I need a margarita now.
Thanks for brightening my day with your sarcasm!
176. Fabulous said:
One day....I will be a husband fucker again.
In the meantime, I'll just be a regular slut ;)
177. Marisol said:
Right on!!
178. fatmumslim said:
There are some brilliantly intelligent people reading your blog (obviously). So brilliant they don't need to use punctuation (obviously).
Aren't you lucky?
Two words: Lame.
At least you can laugh at it. xx
179. Laura said:
I'm sure there's some protocol about how you're not supposed to give mouth-breathers like this any kind of attention, but the truth is I'm glad you do because it makes me feel so much better about myself. Even on my worst day, I can punctuate like a motherfucker.
180. Dar said:
Your husband must be delighted that you're such a slut. What if you only want to fuck once a week or so.... are you still a slut? No, but seriously I have friends who would LOVE to become slutty husband fuckers and you know, they are some really good people. So ya, it is something to aspire to become. And it doesn't make you a bad person.
181. Amy said:
Your comparison of a slut to a wife literally made me spit my soda across the room. Thank you-- I really needed a great laugh. It's been a long week. Maybe I can 'be a wife' this weekend and it will all be better (:
PS See you in Seattle in a couple weeks!
182. Tricia said:
@41 I agree-- Please use this in a future masthead. Also love the idea of a Team HFS t-shirt... even though no one would understand it.
Thanks again for sharing your journey with us. You look beautiful!
183. Katharine said:
I wonder if they realized the message would be MUCH better received with punctuation!!! I mean if you are going to call a someone a slut shouldn't there be at least a few exclamation points?
184. Lola said:
Well, I guess we all know what George W. has been up to... he's done found himself da internet ...
185. Danielle said:
I think the person who wrote that clearly needs to get laid and/or remove the extremely large pole sticking out of their asshole.
Yikes
186. Suzanne said:
Oh Geeeez. I'll learn not to eat at the Computer. First I get mad at the Moron's comment. No prob there. Start chomping harder and faster on the apple. Then I get to Deb's Comment.. Husband Fucker Song. Burst out laughing. Now there's apple chunks all over my monitor. Good thing I'm at work. Wouldn't wanna ruin MY computer. :-)
Seriously. I'm for selective schooling. Obviously this person missed MOST days and didn't learn to write. I can't believe they taught it to READ! I'm truly hoping it doesn't vote.
You rock Heather! Enjoy the idiots.. cuz that's really all you can do with them.
187. Stacy Hamby said:
Kind of scary. Even the Puritans were allowed to enjoy sex and they burned people alive.
188. ...love Maegan said:
Well, I'm a HUGE slut then.
189. Tricia said:
Oh, and thanks for shedding light on another possible reason Octomom has so many children. Organ farm.
Lord, I apologize.........
190. megan said:
you tell that poor grammar loser to suck it :)
191. Maude said:
~snort~
192. AnnieBoNanie said:
Ha!
WTF! I'm almost speechless on this one. What was the subject line on this ladies email? I wonder what she read on your blog that got her so upset... *blinks* I don't get it.
A good laugh though, none the less. I'm not a husband fucking slut yet but I hope to be one day and man, am I looking forward to it.
193. Susan said:
I didn't read all 185 comments so maybe someone has already said this but I think this is made up hater mail. The person just wanted to see if they could construct a hate mail that would get posted on your blog. It's the America's Funniest Home Video syndrome where people invent a video just to get viewed.
194. Julie Hall said:
Are you sure that wasn't from Kathie Lee?
195. Dani said:
Wow!How dare you actually be happy with your spouse and chose to have children. What is the world coming to?
Well as a fellow husband f**ker and breeder welcome to the dark side.
I'm thinking that person either needs a husband or needs the one they've got to put in a little more effort in bed.
196. Kristin said:
Love it! You must play major league baseball on steroids in your free time. :)
197. Coleen said:
i too am in the catagory of "slut who loves to fuck her husband". we should start a club. SWLTFHH. no non-wives allowed.
198. HamiHarri said:
Wow - that is brutal. Sorry you have to read stuff like that - geesh! Some people!
199. bri said:
i second Cathy's, comment #33, motion
200. a H.I.T. said:
You know how girlfriends call each other b*tches? I'm about to impose husband-fucker as the new nickname to all my married friends. I can hear it now, "Yo, what up husband-fucker!!" I think it will go over just swell at Saturday's dinner party.
201. Robin G. said:
There totally needs to be a Husband-Fucking Sluts group on Facebook.
202. Andi said:
I came back and read it again! It was just as insanely hilarious the 2nd time. Then I read all of the comments which were hilarious as well. You rock, you slut.
203. Elizabeth said:
I just received my first hateful comment today! So diary worthy.
204. Missives From Suburbia said:
That makes me twitch and ache for a red pen.
205. Erin said:
For reals, clean up your act. P.S. Will you sign my boobs when you come to "Chicago"?
206. Mari said:
It is astounding what people will do or say when they have the anonymity of the internet to hide behind.
207. Lindsay said:
You are absolutely brilliant. I love your response. And I also love that you are as irriated bad grammar as I am.
208. Diana said:
What an idiot. As a fellow english major in college, it is one of my biggest pet peeve when people can't write an actual sentence. Like one that has a capital letter at the beginning and a period at the end.
209. Jilly said:
"A slut who loves to fuck her husband." I smell a new masthead...
210. Monkey said:
Husband-fuckers unite!
I'm not even going to call myself a wife anymore. I'm a slutty husband-fucker.
Heather, kudos to you if emails like this don't influence your overall view of humanity, cause I'd be cynical at this point. How did that person manage to turn on the computer and navigate a browser if they can't even structure a sentence? It's beyond baffling.
211. Lindsay said:
ROFL!
Thanks for my daily laugh!
212. Rachelle said:
i hearts your witty comebacks lol.
i want a shirt that says "dooce is my hero" 'cause you are!
213. AutumnClover said:
Very long time reader, first comment. You're a sarcasticly sweet spot in a dreary day. Thanks for the laugh. Best post I've read in many a day! Best wishes.
214. cate said:
Wow, I am constantly fucking or trying to fuck my husband. If only we could get pregnant, then I could be a full-on slut like you all!
you've been looking radiant and i'm so happy for your family
215. the21stcenturyman said:
You are my hero Dooce!
216. unsightly said:
I couldn't be as funny as that hate mail if I tried.
217. kaitlyn sage said:
Oh holy shit I love you.
You made me laugh so hard I snorted Diet Coke out of my nose.
218. Anneli said:
Ah, internet trolls! Always so amusing!
219. C. Andres said:
I only want kids so I can use them as an extra pair of hands. Mobile hands. I'll never have to stand and refresh my coffee again!
220. Barstool Babe said:
OMG. Someone apparently doesn't have a job and just spends their day going around sending out hate. That's just scary.
221. Cassidy said:
That is the most hilarious accusation I have ever heard. A slutty husband fucker who has planned both her children and only has (or will have) two??? Clearly this person has not read your blog. It's good for a laugh though, right? :) Cheers to you, you slutty husband fucker!
222. Lisa said:
Hmmm??? That hatemail was so awful...but creative. Seriously. The lack of punctuation. The oxymorons. I think it might be an art form. Call Tate Modern. Or the MOMA. Put it on exhibition.
And if sleeping with your hubby makes you a slut...AWESOME...I've always wanted to be one, but been kind of a prude.
Plus, I'm prego with baby #2 which makes me once, twice, three times the slut.
223. Angela said:
I've had a pretty crappy day - and that pretty much made my day! :) Although I'm still twitching from all the bad grammar.
224. Anastasia said:
Lord love a duck - you get all the crazies, don't you??
225. Eryn C. said:
i too am a slut who loves to fuck her husband.
great idea about the kidney!
226. kristin kaminski said:
HUSBAND FUCKERS!!!! HAHAHHHAHAHA. You made my whole day!..NO....my whole week!....no, my whole YEAR. slut.
227. Anonymous said:
This made me laugh my ASS off. From a loyal husband-fucking reader.
228. Wendeline said:
All this does is reinforce the deep, deep shame I felt when I had to tell my family that like an idiot I had let my husband get me pregnant. WHYYYYYYYY COULDN'T I HAVE JUST KEPT MY LEGS SHUT?
229. Cat said:
That hater, you speak of is/ giving a bad name) to the rest: of us bad grammar+ers,
230. Kartasi said:
Husband fuckers! I love it. I'm so glad you shared this with us. And even more glad that you do exactly what you should do with crazy hate mail, laugh at it.
231. Emil said:
Sorry if someone has already suggested this but maybe "rider" is meant to be "writer"? Doesn't necessarily make more sense but none of it makes any sense so . . . .
232. Lisa said:
The world is full of morons. And they have computers.
I don't understand sending hate mail. But at least we get to laugh.
233. Kristina said:
I was not allowed to be confirmed by the Lutheran church because I could not wrap my mind around the idea that even thinking about sex was illegal. I wonder what that makes me - is there a test somewhere I can find out? Am I a slut or do I get an upgrade to whore? Where is brazen hussy on that scale?
234. Aimee said:
Man, I hope this bitch gets cast into outer darkness or whatever the hell mormons call it! You rock!
235. shortcake said:
Pregnancy seems to bring out the best in trolls...I received sn email from a troll today telling me that I shouldn't have bothered announcing my pregnancy if I was just "planning on miscarrying anyway!" Awesome. I too, am a husband-fucker, so I clearly deserved it! ;)
236. Kelly said:
I'm torn between feeling a little sad that you got called a slut for fucking your husband and loving it.
I think I love it. That's the kind of slut I hope to be someday!
It's unfortunate some people can't see the good in what you do. It's more unfortunate that those people don't know how to punctuate.
Thanks for writing Heather, keep 'em coming!
237. TwirlyGirlie said:
Aww...LUUCKY! You get all the best hate mail!! No fair! *stomping my foot*
*LMAO* Seriously though, you really do...
238. Beth said:
I really wish you would publish the email addresses of these people. They're obviously all-for receiving unsolicited email since they're sending it to you, so why don't you let us return the favor to them? :)
239. Jen said:
I don't think you should stop at the kidney. There are several organs you can harvest from those children of yours.
My brother in law had a kid as a tiny organ donor because he lives in Napa. If his liver gives out, and given the amount of cheap, but delicious wine he drinks this is entirely possible, he can just get a part of my nephew's liver.
Why stop there? You only really need one lung, right? You can get one from one of your offspring. Think OUTSIDE of that box, ya know?!?
Stupid people suck, but I hope you have a great weekend!!
240. Noelle said:
I would like to be a slut who likes to fuck her husband, but apparently can't find any takers. DAMNIT. Apparently I'm a prude instead.
I think your method of emergency preparedness should be commended. I think that is good for the foresight factor.
All in all, GO HEATHER, YOU ROCK!!!
241. repliderium.com said:
Aww man, you get the GREATEST hate mail EVER! I love how they are (I mean the ones that I have seen) all boarder line illiterate.
How dare you fuck your husband! You're putting the other category of slut (the more common one) out of business!
242. elle. said:
I just have to re-state what I'm sure the other 239 comments above me have said:
Heather, I love you. You're an absolute riot!
243. Kara said:
Oh geez.....
There are some real winners out there, huh?
I read Dooce b/c I think you are fabulous, I dig your observations on the silly little things in life (much like a stand-up comic), and I have a lots of time on my hands to pop aroung the blogosphere.
I'm glad you don't let the ultramaroons (as Bugs Bunny would say) ruin yor day.
-kara
ps: is there a stupidity filter you can install?
244. Holly said:
Wow... Well I love to fuck the man I'm committed too as well. You know, I bet there's a whole ARMY of us. Oh, the horror! Off to take over the world!
245. Michelle said:
Wow. People are so wicked.
Then again I too am a husband-fucking slut with TWO kidney-donating chidlren of my own.
But I didn't have ALL THOSE kids because I'm Mormon, it was because I'm Catholic - it's what we do.
246. CapreeK said:
What the hell? I, unlike you (thank god), am left speechless. Your retort was fantastic.
247. Amanda said:
Heather, have I told you that you are my hero? That made my day!
248. Jennifer Suarez said:
Well damn, I must be a super slut because I fuck my husband almost every single day. MAN am I promiscuous!
Not only that, but I shot 2 living, breathing, human beings out of my vagina - in hopes of taking over the world of COURSE!
249. Mike said:
You know, when I make a list of things there are too many of in the world, women who like to get it on with their husbands does not come to mind. Nope. Keep on making us laugh and good luck with child #2.
250. Julie said:
I LOVE the last line! Had to control my laughter because I'm at work.
251. Courtney said:
LOL!!!
252. Jen said:
Heather:
Can you please make a T-shirt of that entire hate-post? Prose like that doesn't come by too often (or does it?), and I think it should be elevated to the T-shirt status of other slogans like... "Party till you Puke" and "A Touch of Class (with rose)."
Your awesomeness is so awesomely awesome.
xo
Jen
253. Laura said:
This why I always start my day with a little bit of Dooce. You never cease to amuse! Thanks for sharing.
254. Mami Lulu said:
I love you, slut..from another fellow slut.
255. Chriss said:
I just stumbled upon your site a few weeks ago and it is great! It is nice to find another mom who has the same sense of humor as me and the posting of the hate mail really makes my day. I need more people to laugh at.
Thanks!
256. Beth said:
Didn't Morrissey write a song about us, "Husband-Fuckers of the World Unite?"
Thanks for making me laugh.
B.
257. Keyona said:
Ah Fuck em, they are just jealous!
258. Alexandra said:
I seriously can't stop laughing. Who are these people and where do they come from???
259. tolja said:
Thanks so much for making me smile every day! And clearly, you bring smiles to thousands of others...all the best to you and your family!
260. Aundi said:
Awww.... How sad. Someone skipped the "How to Properly Insult Others" class in college. Good luck getting a stable job now, sucker.
Heather- You are lovely. Have as many kids as you like. We need more people like you on the planet. It is rather unfortunate that the people that breed the most, are people like that buck-toothed mouth breather that attempted to hate on you.
-Aundi
261. Barbie T said:
You have been a delight in my life for several years now, and I hope you know how precious you are to so many readers. You give laughter, insight, humour and hope to folks around the world. Sending you a big e-hug to help wash away the nastiness of crazy people emails [[[heather]]]. Barbie T.
262. The Brat said:
Unbelieveble.
What an idiot.
Keep up the good work Heather!
263. Tammy S said:
Oh gosh Heather, you slut! I don't have a husband, but can I be in the "Sluts Who Fuck Our Boyfriends Club"????
I love when we get to read your hate mail! It's give us a good laugh at morons.
Too bad you "youre a free rider with nothing better to do in life and you dont work" (Their puntuation, not mine). Does the village idiot not realize that it's THIS BLOG that you work at constantly and that pays for your home, child(ren), expenses, etc. It's a freakin' J-O-B!
264. Alexandra said:
Oh and btw... I love your belly. So cute. I'm currently 10 weeks with number two and what do you know... I'm bigger than I was at five months with number one. So if you ever need to feel better about yourself, you can just look at my belly picks and imagine the misery I'll be enduring all summer because I'm not due until October and I live in Nashville. AKA Hell for pregnant woman.
265. Anonymous said:
Holy run on sentence batman.
266. melissa said:
WOOOOO HUSBAND FUCKERS!!!!!
267. Jody said:
I bet when the doctor asks that woman "Are you sexually active?" she answers ""No, I just lay there." Because GOD FORBID you should ENJOY SEX!
All this time I thought it was us childless career women who were leading the world STRAIGHT TO HELL, but no! It's married homemakers who procreate! WHO KNEW?
268. Annie said:
Hmm...we've come a long way. When I first started reading Dooce.com, there was a big bru ha ha over Chuck wearing his collar upside down. Now this. I guess things are bad all over.
269. Christina said:
I am going to go out on a limb here and guess that this women is not married and she is just a jealous bitch! She is probably the women that is sleeping with a married man. How about she just doesn't read your blog anymore if it makes her so unhappy that she would even waste her time to post something like that. I am pretty sure you don't get paid based on how many people are reading your blog. Wow! is all I can say. I love your attitude towards stupid people like this I think you should be sure to let her know when you are pregnant again :)
270. Jennifer said:
You're right. That one was too good to keep to yourself. Thank you for sharing that with the rest of us, giving us a good laugh this afternoon.
271. Amanda said:
Oh, this is rich. You should share these more often. Too bad she wasn't given some airtime on the today show. You could've been the next Stewart vs. Cramer.
Amanda
http://www.littlebbunny.etsy.com
272. kelly beasley said:
heather,
for starters...you are flippin' hysterical.
2. that biz-otch doesn't have a damn clue.
3. stop reading this immediately so you can be a slut and fuck your hubs.
i just love reading your post!!!! :)
-kelly
273. Marieka said:
This is hilarious! I'd been wondering if/when you were going to post another hatemail installment, because those posts are classic.
274. Tanya said:
I just wanted to say "husband fucker" too. It sounded like fun!
Loved this post, love you, love the kidney farm you are growing. Keep up the good work slut!
Have a great day and thanks for making my friday brighter!
Your Fellow Husband Fucker (so much fun to say)
275. jess said:
jesus christ on a crutch. i just caught up on the last two months at case de heather. love the new site design and the header slays me.
two words: lame is my new catch phrase. i use it for everything. maybe i'll use it for my facebook status tomorrow. do i need to attribute?
276. Candra said:
Is that even real? WTF? I would post that girls email address just because.
277. Nate said:
Man, what a strict household THIS one must have come from. It's slutty to want to fuck your HUSBAND now? What would he have to say about me, a gay dude who loves to fuck HIS husband? Or for that matter, me pre-marriage, who fucked his way through gay clubs like they were on fire? I'm thinking if "slut" is the word for a woman who likes to fuck her husband, then there is no word, in any language, for that.
278. Teresa said:
ASNR (Automatic Spontaneous Nasal Reflex) REPORT: Dr. Pepper all over monitor. This has only inspired me to become more of an HFS. My husband thanks your hater.
279. Bella-Sweet said:
A free rider slut. Ah, how true..a whore gets paid to ride but a slut? Nope, free. Consider yourself special, Heather..you're one of a kind. A slut who gets a home, food AND money :)
dying here..my captcha is "suggestive lay"
280. Anonymous said:
You need to write back and thank them for being so kind as to provide the content for today's post. Which REALLY allows you to sit around and make money doing nothing! Gotta love the haters, especially the ones that are ridiculously stupid!
281. the domestic fringe said:
Ok, I'm blown away by your hate mail! It's so interesting that you get random stupid comments from idiots. You must be doing something right!
-FringeGirl
282. Tammy said:
Wow! This post got me thinking, I will have been married 20 years this June and have 4 children. What does that make me? A hellified husband-fucker? Proud of it! And I'm not even Mormon!!!
Fairly new to your blog. Absolutely love it!!! Thanks for the laugh!
283. Katie said:
As nervous as I get sometimes when you start mentioning the church, that just cracked me up. I've never realized my kids counted as part of my 72-hour kit! LOL.
284. William said:
No... have it wrong..
"Women who love to go around screwing the men they're committed to? Because I thought those people were called wives."
Wives don't "LOVE" screwing around with their husbands...they do it so the husband will do the dishes.
285. jeri lynne said:
Thanks for the laugh I soo needed it..you are awesome in all your slutty fashion...
286. roisin said:
you know, some people in this world wouldn't know irony if it slapped them in the face. free rider, indeed!
ignorance is bliss, eh?
287. Tony said:
You could NOT make this shit up.
288. Mel said:
You Slut!! This is Hilarious!! Damn it I love reading this!
289. Trish said:
Oh snap! You tell 'em sista! From one ex-Mormon woman to another, you make me proud!
290. Linda said:
First I must thank #11 Deb, now I will have that song in my head forever, too hilarious.
Second, I think that man is just ticked off because he's not getting any.
291. Sherri said:
You are the dictionary definition of H-O-T-N-E-S-S, even at (especially at?) 26 weeks. My husband and I were just minutes ago talking about the timing of the next and final child and the planning of all the coitus surrounding that event. It was a totally unsexy conversation about sex. Does that still make this wife a slut? Thank you for the laugh!
292. Heather said:
Now, the question I find myself asking is... really, do ANY of us have anything better to do with our lives? Especially us husband fuckers? I don't think so.
I had a very conservative Christian college roommate who told me, in all seriousness, that sex really was just for procreation. She has a baby now and another already on the way. Even the best of us can't help but become another sad, drive-by, lie-around-the-house husband-fucker.
293. Liz said:
Dude... Why are you such a hoebag?
Whose grammar is that bad??
294. sweatpea said:
OMG! Girls just want to have fun. LOVES's it. Thanks for sharing!
295. Anonymous said:
Whoa. That piece of hatemail had to be a joke, right? Unbelievable.
Heather, I certainly don't agree with everything you say, but I think you're great! You're a great writer and you're funny as hell.
(And that's coming from a Mormon! A Mormon who ISN'T going to be having more than 2 babies, if you can believe it!)
Anyone who is writing you such ridiculous hatemail is obviously a complete idiot.
And they deserve to be ridiculed by us all.
296. Rebecca said:
I have a high pressure job but I work at home one to two days per week. On the days when I work at home (on grant proposals, briefing memos and the like), the babysitters always say, "Oh right, you're not working today!" I can't seem to convince them that sitting in front of a laptop scowling in concentration as my fingers fly over the keys counts as working!
I LOVE the work you do, so please keep it up!
297. Michelle S said:
Wow, Seriously?? A person took the time to write that? I just don't understand why, if someone hated a blog they would a. go to it and b. take the time to comment. Crazy. You are a saint to put up with it. Of course there is no understanding someone like that.
298. Jaclyn Bailey said:
That has got to be the funniest thing I have read all day! See, now I am a husband fucking slut, but I produced twice as many offspring as you! I tell people it is so that I have at least one with mine and my husbands blood type so that if we ever need a trasfusion.... we are all set, without worring if there is a blood shortage in our hospital's blood bank. Go Team Pregnant women who Fuck their husbands!
299. kate said:
Just goes to show women aren't supposed to like sex NO MATTER WHAT, lest you get branded a slut.
Anyway, I can't wait to join the ranks of husband-fuckers.
300. karen said:
Dooce, please put out a full hatemail post. I know a big husband fucking slut like yourself has to have plenty. You two must just laugh your asses off at the hatemail like this one. If you aren't you should be. Please share with us. Love your post been reading forever and always enjoy. Thanks