Lover, business partner, best friend
About a month or two ago I signed up for Facebook to reconnect with a group of friends I had in college at BYU and since then have noticed several memes making the rounds among my contacts. I'm not usually a fan of memes and couldn't tell you exactly why, I think it goes back to being forced to participate in group activities when I was growing up in the Mormon Church and how the trauma of having to act like I was having a good time is such that when someone even mentions Pictionary my brain starts to liquify and drizzle out my nose. The quickest way to get me to sneak out of your party is to suggest we play charades, unless the rules are that you have to take a shot of tequila every time someone yells out, "SOUNDS LIKE?" Then I'll be sleeping on your couch and stealing your Ibuprofen.
I recently saw one going around where you're supposed to answer several trivial questions about your marriage, and I realized that as much as this website reveals about me, it says a lot less about the man who runs the business end of things. So I thought I'd bring this meme here to give you a peek at the person I spend my entire day with. Every day. All day every day. DAY IN AND DAY OUT. ECHO... ECHO... ECHO...
What are your middle names?
My middle name is Brooke. Jon's middle name is Hepworth. Can you guess which one of us is a great-great-grandchild of polygamists?
How long have you been together?
We've been married six and a half years, together seven and a half.
How long did you know each other before you started dating?
I met him in June of 1997 at an outdoor music festival in Salt Lake City, but we didn't start dating until June of 2001 in Los Angeles. So, four years.
Who asked whom out?
Hmmm... I guess that would have been me, except I didn't ask him out, I asked him to move in with me. I do not like to dilly dally.
How old are each of you?
I'm 33, he's OLD 43. This ten-year age difference is an endless source of amusement for me, and I like to remind him that when he was a senior in high school, I was in third grade learning long division.
Whose siblings do you see the most?
Jon is the fifth of six kids, I'm the youngest of three. All but one of the siblings live in Utah, so we see both sets quite often.
Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
I think the thing that causes the most stress in our lives, and consequently the most stress in our marriage, is the same as it is for a lot of couples: work. This job is the same as any other in that there are weeks, sometimes months when the toll of it far outweighs the joy of it, and dealing with that toll can upset the balance of the rest of our lives. I'm not as good a communicator as he is, and he's probably had to spend way too much time than is fair trying to pull things out of me. I'm working on that. I'm always working on that.
Did you go to the same school?
We both graduated from BYU. He got a degree in Humanities in 1992, I got a degree in English in 1997.
Are you from the same home town?
No. Jon grew up in a small northern Utah town called Brigham City, whereas I grew up in Memphis, Tennessee. Sadly, our daughter just looks at me blankly when I talk about chicken wangs.
Who is smarter?
Jon is far smarter than I am and can retain information like a computer hard drive. He remembers everything he reads. I have to work a lot harder to process information, but I'm far more driven and persistent than he is. I have to work twice as hard to be half as quick.
Who is the most sensitive?
Ahem. Next question.
Where do you eat out most as a couple?
There's a great sushi restaurant in downtown Salt Lake City called Takashi run by a chef who is half-Japanese, half-Peruvian. Whenever we plan a date this place is always at the top of our list.
Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Amsterdam.
Who has the craziest exes?
I wouldn't call my exes crazy as much as I would describe them as diverse. It's just, there are so many of them. And I can't really talk about Jon's exes as some of them are probably reading this right now. I will say this: none of Jon's exes ever asked him to stick a kitchen utensil up her butt. He wins.
Who has the worst temper?
Have I ever told you about the time we went as a family to Chipotle after swimming lessons? How Leta was holding her overtired shit together right up until she spilled her entire bowl of black beans down the front of her dress? And she was so inconsolable that we had to pack everything up immediately, and as I was shoving everything into a take-out bag she threw her body face-first on the floor in front of about thirty people. So Jon has to pick her body up off the floor, and she is screaming, SCRAAHEEEEMING, all the way to the car, the entire time we buckle her in, and ten minutes later when she FINALLY calms down, when the chaos has FINALLY silenced and we can all breathe again, Jon whips his head around from the front seat, looks her tear-stained face in the eyes and yells, "WE ARE NEVER GOING TO CHIPOTLE EVER AGAIN."
BECAUSE SHE HAD NOT CRIED ENOUGH.
Who does the cooking?
Definitely Jon. I have four recipes that I can make, and I don't ever vary from that menu. Jon loves trying new things and rarely ever goes wrong when introducing something new he found in a cookbook. However, I often have to remind him to add more salt.
Who is the neat-freak?
Let's just put it this way: I am a much nicer person when he puts away his socks.
Who is more stubborn?
I am Southern stubborn, he is Mormon Pioneer stubborn. And together we gave birth to a monster.
Who hogs the bed?
Okay, fine. Me, but it's not something I have any control over. My limbs take on a life of their own when I'm asleep, and at least once a night I will wake up to find him picking up my entire body and moving it back to my side of the bed.
Who wakes up earlier?
Jon. He's always up at about 6 AM reading feeds on his iPhone, steeling himself for the list of demands Leta will rifle off when she darts out of her bedroom.
Where was your first date?
The LACMA on Wilshire Blvd. in Los Angeles.
Who is more jealous?
This information is protected by the therapist-client privilege.
How long did it take to get serious?
We were always serious. There was never a time in our romantic relationship when we did not think we would spend the rest of our lives together.
Who eats more?
Me, no question. I'm usually finishing off the meal on his plate. However, he is the type of person who will stop by the gas station after an hour-long workout to pick up a bag of cherry Twizzlers and a Snickers bar and will have finished both before pulling into the driveway.
Who does the laundry?
Someone cannot ever remember that he is not supposed to put my sports bras in the dryer, so someone is no longer allowed to do the laundry.
Who's better with the computer?
You should see the veins in Jon's head bulge against his skin when he looks over and sees that it's been three months since I ran a software update.
Who drives when you are together?
Jon, but not because he's a better driver. I lived in Los Angeles for over four years and did enough driving for a lifetime, so I'd be happy if I never had to drive again. However, he's recently started to drive more slowly, a development we may have to work through in therapy. That session would go like this: I wouldn't have to nag so much if he didn't drive like such a dumbass.
Feel free to answer some or all of the same questions about your significant other in the comments, or leave a link to your website if you prefer answering there. Look how I answered all these questions about my husband without once mentioning his ex-wife!
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FM Living
e said:
Facebook is the bane of my existence!
Give me a day, and you will have some well thought (non mormon) answers to all these questions on my blog - The comment section here is not nearly long enough
02.18.09 - 02:51 PM / 1Sarah said:
thanks for the lunchtime laugh! As annoying as these memes usually are, I've really enjoyed reading them on FB lately. Maybe its a quick way of catching up with people I haven't really seen in 10 or 15 years...
Oh, and I'm with you on the stubborn: I'm a child of cross between scandinavian pioneers and scots-irish presbytarians (with a good helping of former mormon polygamist thrown in) who's tied her life to a child of good german farmers (whole new kind of speechless stubborn) and french-mexicans. Can't wait to see how the kids turn out!
02.18.09 - 02:57 PM / 2Claire Tien said:
HAHAHAHA! You and Jon are perfect for each other and are both blessed :) I'm not sure why but reading that post put a huge smile on my face. Thank you!
02.18.09 - 02:57 PM / 3admin said:
DUDE. I'm trying to get better GAS MILEAGE. SUCK IT.
p.s. I have the admin login. Watch your ass, Hamilton.
02.18.09 - 02:58 PM / 4The Dalai Mama said:
I often find my driving hanging out in the dumbass catagory. I lived in Santa Barbara for 9 years and spent much time in LA. I completely understand why you never want to drive again.
Thanks for the peek into your life with Jon. It is awesome when you manage to find your best friend and marry them. I know my hubby is my best friend. And we too also knew from the moment we really met that we would be together forever. We are getting ready to celebrate our 9 year anniversay and have been together for over 12 years.
Keep it up.
02.18.09 - 03:01 PM / 5The Single Sister said:
I'm still giggling over my sisters response to the laundry question:
♥ Who does/ did the laundry?
Jason. Laundry has always been his department. I just have to forego my right to bitch; usually I comply with that. About a year after we got married, I caught him pulling my bra out of the drier. YOU DRIED THAT??? Whatever, he said, I've been doing it for a year and you haven't noticed. And so it began...
Me? I'm single. I live with a roommate. I wanted to fit in. So I did one about us http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=63594135228
02.18.09 - 03:02 PM / 6Emily said:
I love the recent comments on Jon's driving. My boyfriend does the same thing. I constantly tell him that if I wasn't in the car With him I would be angrilly speeding past him giving him the finger.
02.18.09 - 03:02 PM / 7danielle michelle said:
I've never left a comment on your blog before, but I read it regularly! I wanted to say how refreshing it is to have someone out there who tells it how they see it! You rock and thanks for the smiles today!
02.18.09 - 03:02 PM / 8Anonymous said:
Very funny and sweet. I'm curious to know what you think about the crap going on over at Facebook with terms of use...
02.18.09 - 03:03 PM / 9Hannah! said:
Ditto on the cooking and the laundry for us. Exactly ditto. 4 recipes, fried sports bras (and when your bras cost that damn much, ain't NOBODY allowed to put them in the dryer).
I also (a) asked my husband out and (b) proposed to him. In the international foods aisle of our local upscale grocery. The conversation went like this:
Me: So, your brother (who lives in Burma and comes to the US once a year in July) is coming in July. Wanna get married so that we don't have to wait another year?
Him: Sure.
Most romantic thing EVAR.
02.18.09 - 03:03 PM / 10coleen said:
you two sound just like my husband & i, except that i am jon & kelly is you!!!!
i love these blurbs about you two. makes my marriage seem so much more normal, as we routinely have weird converstations about what our future pets will be like.
interesting? or just plain strange?
thank you for the coffee break.
02.18.09 - 03:04 PM / 11Sam Tamlyn said:
My husband and I are also 10 years apart (he's 36, I'm 26), and I wouldn't have it any other way. If I had to date and/or marry a guy in his twenties, I think I'd join a convent just to save myself the horror. :-)
02.18.09 - 03:05 PM / 12Phoebe said:
You have no idea how much I wish we could be friends on Facebook. :(
02.18.09 - 03:05 PM / 13Heather's Garden said:
It's clear the love you have for your husband reading your answers. How many stalkers do you anticipate on Facebook now?!
02.18.09 - 03:07 PM / 14Sabrina said:
So...did you and Jon get married in the Mormon church, or was it like barefoot on a beach out in Cali?
02.18.09 - 03:08 PM / 15Kerri said:
I am unashamedly obsessed with the random facts on Facebook. LOVE EM! I'm glad to see you put one up here.
My boyfriend and I have been together since we were 16 (7 years) but met when we were 12.
Laundry: He does it, and he does it well. Plus, I've instilled such a fear in him about drying particular items, that he starts shaking whenver I'm putting the clothes away (I'm a little amazed by the power I can hold). He still hasn't messed up!
02.18.09 - 03:08 PM / 16Adrienne said:
"I wouldn't have to nag so much if he didn't drive like such a dumbass."
Seriously. I could not have said it better myself. I have to physically restrain myself from pushing on his leg. Just step on the goddam gas already!
02.18.09 - 03:10 PM / 17Ann said:
Thanks for the laughs! I love reading these, but probably will never take the time to answer a list for myself...
PS. I don't believe the driving slow = better gas mileage thing.
02.18.09 - 03:13 PM / 18Valerie said:
Dude the Chipotle story realllly hit home AND made me laugh my ass off. I don't know how many times that exact scenario has occurred with my kids and my husband did the EXACT same thing. Wait til the kid calmed and the POUNCED. Why??! Haha, thanks for the hilarious read!
02.18.09 - 03:14 PM / 19Krystlyn said:
You two seem like a great pair! You said it was ok so here is my survey! I love these things!
What are your middle names? Mine is Starr, his is Edward.
How long have you been together? 9 years and 4 days
How long did you know each other before you started dating? 30 minutes, seriously, not joking!
Who asked whom out? I asked him as I chased him down in a parking lot.
How old are each of you? Both 28, but he says he's older even thought only by 9 months.
Whose siblings do you see the most? His, mine live 5 hours away and are in the terrible 6's and 9's, his is 45 minutes away and in the delightful 35's.
Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple? Work taking up a lot of time.
Did you go to the same school? Same Jr. College in Lake Tahoe.
Are you from the same home town? Nope. But we now live in his home town.
Who is smarter? Depends on the category.
Who is the most sensitive? Depends on the category.
Where do you eat out most as a couple? Taco bell
Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple? Hawaii for our Honeymoon.
Who has the craziest exes? Exes? What exes? No one existed before each other!
Who has the worst temper? Him for sure!
Who does the cooking? He is much better at it! Mine would require a bigger food budget for everything I'd waste burning.
Who is the neat-freak? Me, although he pretends he is tidy, but it's a delusion.
Who is more stubborn? Me, and proud of it because it has been a talent mastered over time and practice.
Who hogs the bed? We equally hog and equally wake up with bruises from apparent mid-night fistyciffs for covers.
Who wakes up earlier? It varies on who stayed up later catching up on the days TV shows.
Where was your first date? Taco Bell and a movie
Who is more jealous? I'm jealous that he can walk into any situation and always be right. wink wink!
How long did it take to get serious? 2 weeks.
Who eats more? Me, I'm 50 lbs over weight and he literally has gained 1 pound in 9 years. With no work out. Asshole.
Who does the laundry? He's "afraid" to ruin my cloths which is code for he doesn't want to do it.
Who's better with the computer? Me, it's my job.
Who drives when you are together? Him, otherwise I have to hear about how I'm doing this wrong and that wrong, even thought I'm the one with no tickets or accidents attributed to me.
02.18.09 - 03:16 PM / 20Skylar said:
Wow... Are you sure he is not a polygamist because I think I live with him?! Our therapy goes a lot like that... I wouldn't be such a bitch if he would stop doing things the wrong way.
Thanks for the insight into Jon, I am sure he appreciated it too.
02.18.09 - 03:16 PM / 21Undomestic Diva said:
We may have married the same man. I can literally fry electronics (especially computers) just by looking at them and my husband is a software engineer.
I think anti-virus software is just a theory and my husband has to create highly secure "firewalls" to protect our "network" from the shit I was never supposed to download in the first place.
02.18.09 - 03:16 PM / 22Dani said:
Thank you. My sisters in law look at me like a crazy person when I say I do all the laundry. Maybe their spouses understand that you have to seperate collors and change the settings on the washer and dryer to apply to the items your washing but mine finds these ideas foregin and confusing.
On the other hand he's the cook in our relationship. It's not that I can't it's just that he's so good at it.....and I'm realy realy lazy.
02.18.09 - 03:18 PM / 23Tiana said:
Wow.....
I personally am addicted to Facebook and these types of notes.
I have over 300 notes that are all generally like this one. Only, I'm not married. I'm 15. But I do plan on filling this out when I marry in the next little while. And then I suppose I'll keep the divorce one on hand just in case I marry my father. Poor mother.
I love your answers, by the way. And I'm so surprised I logged on to find only 15 comments. This is a record for me. Usually there's about 500-1000 comments and I give up on replying. Today... nuh-uh. It's MY day.
02.18.09 - 03:18 PM / 24Leesha said:
I fail as a woman. I didn't know that bras aren't supposed to go in the dryer. Guess that might explain why my bras don't last that long.
This was fun to read. You make memes bearable!
02.18.09 - 03:18 PM / 25alex awesome said:
Oh man... here we go. Keep in mind, we aren't married, but it keeps coming up in conversation, more and more as a serious subject and less as a joke.
What are your middle names?
Norma and Eugene. If we went by our middle names, we'd be the awesomest old people couple evar. He'd be the feisty skinny dude with the cane and the pervy sense of humor. I'd be the sweet, demented, fragile looking old lady obsessed with LOLCats.
How long have you been together?
About twoooothree years? Oh man, I suck/fail at this.
How long did you know each other before you started dating?
A couple of months. We never actually dated until after we were together. So hrm. We have a relationship that screws with space and time!
Who asked whom out?
I can't remember. Our relationship was fueled by a mutual love of whiskey and battlestar galactica, so you can appreciate why details like that might be hazy. I say he made the first move when he gave me a joke valentine with a bible verse on the back.
How old are each of you?
23 and 22. Aww.
Whose siblings do you see the most?
We're both only children, so if I tell you that we see my siblings the most, you'll know that I'm nuts. I do have a step sister, but she's in another country, making the point fairly moot.
Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
Furniture. Oh, laugh it up, people with children. I swear to god, the only subject that puts us passionately at odds is furniture. He would be happiest living in a cave on some animal skins. I am, apparently, torturing him with soft sheets and indoor plumbing.
Did you go to the same school?
Yes. We met at Temple University. Same major, too! Fat lot of good that did us.
Are you from the same home town?
Sort of. But I lived a mess load of places, so it was only a matter of time before I lived fairly nearby.
Who is smarter?
That's a loaded question. He'd say that I'm smarter, but we'd probably agree that I'm only fractionally smarter. He's a lapsed mensa member, which I find hilarious. I find css soothing after a long day. So there you go.
Who is the most sensitive?
I have very sensitive and delicate skin. He man-cries at sad man-movies.
Where do you eat out most as a couple?
We try to eat out-out at a variety of places. We probably consistently go to the local pizza/diner place.
Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
New York, NY.
Who has the craziest exes?
My exes are just morons. I don't think that constitutes crazy, though. So it's a draw.
Who has the worst temper?
I definitely do. But I'm funny-angry. In that I spew bile *about* things in a hilarious fashion. I rarely ever get pissed *at* people.
Who does the cooking?
Moi. I make him eat horrible, meatless things.
Who is the neat-freak?
We both have blind spots when it comes to cleaning. I have a tendency to let mail pile up (shredding is a pain in the ass), but he can't seem to see the ENTIRE BATHROOM for weeks at a time. When our powers combine, our apartment is beautiful.
Who is more stubborn?
I'm laid back, but he's in a coma.
Who hogs the bed?
He says I do, but it's COLD. And he likes to snuggle, so he asks for it.
Who wakes up earlier?
I do. By necessity. Evil, evil necessity.
Where was your first date?
My... dorm? Date, huh. Hrm. Probably the movies.
Who is more jealous?
I think we're tied. He growls at men who dare to look upon me, and I subtly let women know that I can eat their flesh and wear their skin without batting an eye.
How long did it take to get serious?
A few months. We liked each other and thought it could go the distance. Then we *really* liked each other. Then, good god, we got an apartment.
Who eats more?
He eats greater quantities. But I eat more frequently.
Who does the laundry?
He does! It's magical! But I do the dishes, because his hands don't fit in the drinking glasses and he can't get the sponge down there. It DOES matter.
Who's better with the computer?
He's better with the computer technically, in that he installs, upgrades, takes apart, repairs and generally futzes with stuff. I'm good with ... uh... alright, he wins that one.
Who drives when you are together?
He does. I can't stand driving in traffic. I much prefer country roads on sunny days.
I did this because I KNOW YOU CARE.
02.18.09 - 03:21 PM / 26Kristin said:
Dude, I am OBSESSED with Facebook, and NOT ONE of my over 250 friends has done this meme yet. Sweet, I get to be the trend setter!
02.18.09 - 03:23 PM / 27Milla said:
do us all a favor and never break up like the couples do after their appearance on the bachelor. that would just shatter my belief in true love.
02.18.09 - 03:23 PM / 28allison said:
i'm so happy to see somebody else has developed the 'grandpa-driving'! i read this blog all the time and never comment but we just got home (he drove...)
we moved to england about a year ago and the whole driving on the left thing was giving me major anxiety ... like i had permanent white knuckles so he drove everywhere. but now i'm totally fine. except for the occasional whack of the passenger side mirror on a shrub or parked car i'm much better and driving regularly and even like a normal person again. and i've realized that he has been driving like my grandpa the entire time, doing 15 mph on our street because he thinks 25 is just too fast or, ahem, 'not necessary'. this now infuriates me. and we fight about it constantly...as in just now.
he also never puts the parking break on. so there :)
02.18.09 - 03:23 PM / 29Cat said:
Do you NOT enjoy kitchen utensils in your butt? My world just shattered around me.
02.18.09 - 03:24 PM / 30