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Family dynamic

Several weeks ago we were wiling away an early Sunday evening in the living room, the two of us watching the national news while Leta pretended that her Sleeping Beauty Barbie was dead. I got up to clean the kitchen just as America's Funniest Videos was coming on, and within minutes the laughter erupting from the living room was loud enough to pull me away from a sink full of dirty dishes. I walked over to see what was going on, and there on the couch was a sea of lanky limbs, legs sprawled out on top of each other, two faces frozen in giggling so hysterical that it had crossed over into silence. This is yet another thing Leta inherited from her father, the habit of falling into a fit of laughter so hard that when it happens I don't know if she's laughing or dying. And in this instance if anyone had seen her contorted, silent body wedged between two couch cushions I would have had to assure them, no, she's not dead, she just saw a video of a man accidentally setting his balls on fire.

She calls it The Funny Show, and several times a day she asks how many days until Sunday, how many days until we get to see The Funny Show again. And I'll be honest, this is thrilling for both of us because we both could sit for hours and watch videos of people crashing their bikes into trees. And now our daughter does, too? You know, I've seen countless videos of people swinging bats at piñatas only to miss and hit someone in the crotch, but to sit there and share that moment with my daughter is something entirely different. Especially when she narrates her perspective out loud: "Oh no, oh no... no, no, no.... DON'T DO IT, DON'T DO IT... AHHH! AHHHH! AHHHHHHH! HE FELL OVER! HE FELL OVER! Rewind it! Rewind it! I want to see him fall over again!" Yes, it's funny because that poor man fell over, not because you could hear his testicles crunching underneath the weight of the blow.

So this has become our Sunday ritual, we all wind down after dinner by watching videos of people disfiguring themselves, and it would be perfect except for the fact that Chuck cannot handle it. For some reason he is distressed by the sound and energy of our collective laughter and will sit in the middle of the floor and shake with anxiety. Usually he only behaves this way when I cough or when Jon and I have a serious discussion, and that only started happening in the months after Leta's birth when I was a basket case. My postpartum depression scarred him, and if I make the tiniest move where it looks like I'm even thinking about tossing a milk jug at Jon's head, Chuck will shed his entire coat and go hide in a closet. Turns out you can't assure a dog that you still love Daddy, it's just sometimes you experience an irrational, unfounded need to make him bleed.

But our laughter sounds nothing like yelling or arguing, so we have no idea why he will climb up onto the couch in the middle of The Funny Show and physically shove his body between us to try and break up the fun. The only thing I can come up with is that this is just another one of his many neurotic sensitivities, a hunch confirmed by the dog trainer we hired to help us with Coco, someone who boarded both dogs over the Thanksgiving holiday and got to experience Chuck's neuroses first hand. She's been training dogs for over ten years and has never before encountered anything so emotionally delicate as Chuck and told us that we'd been having so much trouble with Coco because we'd never before lived with a normal dog. Coco, she said, could let go. Chuck, on the other hand, would remember the kid in first grade who stole his fruit roll-up and then twenty years later open fire in a mall because he was still mad about it.

Coco is a dog. Chuck is a cat. And considering the multitude and nature of things we have put on his head, it will be no mystery if one of us goes missing.

01.12.2009 Chuck, Daily, Parenthood 244 comments

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  • DaddyScratches said:

    OK, so "The Funny Show" thing is, well, funny ... because recently, we were at my mother's Christmas party, and my 5-year-old son and his 5-year-old second cousin were playing with some action figures and what not, so we left them upstairs playing ... and when I went back a short while later they were naked and acting goofy and saying that what they were doing was called "The Funny Show."

    I quickly slipped into Les Moonves mode and canceled that show.

    01.12.09 - 04:41 PM / 1
  • Dana said:

    Not to change the subject, but please tell me you saw this on Kottke: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3oGFogwcx-E

    I can't find a bucket big enough to catch the projectile vomit I am now stricken with.

    01.12.09 - 04:41 PM / 2
  • April said:

    I love your site. And I was excited to see 0 comments! Could I be the first?

    01.12.09 - 04:41 PM / 3
  • Stellare said:

    Dogs and cats and humans all behave in mysterious ways. That's all I know. :-)

    01.12.09 - 04:42 PM / 4
  • Emily Joyner said:

    I love it. My 2-year-old English Bulldog (Dorsey) sounds an awful lot like Chuck. I'm convinced that no one's told her she's a dog!

    01.12.09 - 04:42 PM / 5
  • Heather's Garden said:

    I wish we did silent laughter. My family veers into snorting if you really get us laughing hard. My sister loves to make me snort.

    01.12.09 - 04:43 PM / 6
  • Zoe, in Ireland said:

    Just wanted to comment because I have never seen your comments under 100 before. And I wanted to say that you are not alone in wondering whether your daughter came out of your womb or not. People have told me, and still do in fact, that I was obviously just the incubator. Good times.
    Oh, and you think being newly pregnant was shitty, try doing it while holding onto a 9 month old and a 2.5 year old. What the hell happened?

    01.12.09 - 04:43 PM / 7
  • Nancy said:

    So, this is where my cat's neuroses ended up...you know - the cat I have who thinks he is a dog? The one who plays fetch, "barks" at the door, begs for treats - but stops short of eating his own poop - thank goodness. I was going to offer to trade - but I think I will just keep the bizarre behavior - identity crisis and all.

    01.12.09 - 04:46 PM / 8
  • Robin G. said:

    I think it's a bit harsh to imply that Chuck's quirks are shared by all, or even most, cats. There are plenty of non-neurotic cats out there. Not that I own any of them -- my three are some of the most bizarrely wired mammals you'll ever meet in your life -- but I have met a few and they're perfectly fine. Neurosis is as neurosis does.

    And if Coco is like a normal dog, I think I'll stick with cats, all things considered.

    01.12.09 - 04:46 PM / 9
  • Lady K said:

    I will sit on the couch with hubbie and watch the funny show and cry with laughter....and then fall into fits of silent laughter. While crying. He just sits there and watches me. Rolling his eyes.

    01.12.09 - 04:49 PM / 10
  • Joey said:

    Oh, Chuck. At least he's got a steady hand with the eyeliner.

    01.12.09 - 04:49 PM / 11
  • Chuk said:

    We just got a standard Australian Shepherd puppy. We only had cats before. She does this all day (well, during the parts of the day when she isn't trying to chew on my everything):

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/91694861@N00/3189803070/

    Our brains are going to explode.
    I may need the name of your dog trainer.

    01.12.09 - 04:49 PM / 12
  • Anonymous said:

    My daughter loved that show too except she called it "America's FUN videos".

    Poor Chuck.

    01.12.09 - 04:49 PM / 13
  • d3 voiceworks said:

    I'm posting mostly because I'm in the top 10--whoa!--and because I wonder sometimes if I might love my dog Fozzie more than my people (family).

    01.12.09 - 04:49 PM / 14
  • Bush Babe said:

    Thank the Lord. I though MY kids were the only ones rivetted into soundless hysterics by Funniest Home Videos. Dash will NOT let me change the channel when even the most DISTURBING clips are on. Neither will my husband.

    The whole Chuck thing is interesting... I don't have a house pet (anymore) but our Great Dane hated it when we "debated" and would come and stand directly between us. Hard to maintain the higher ground when one is being leant on by an 80kg dog...
    :-)
    BB

    01.12.09 - 04:49 PM / 15
  • d3 voiceworks said:

    Well, I thought I was in the top 10 but between writing and hitting 'submit' I got bumped.

    Still love my dog just as much, though. ;)

    01.12.09 - 04:51 PM / 16
  • kim at allconsuming said:

    I'm commenting solely because I've never EVER been in the tens - only the 100s and normally the 1000s if I comment here.

    I love you all, even if you are dog lovers.

    That is all.

    01.12.09 - 04:53 PM / 17
  • LA in OK said:

    Thanks #11... I've wondered if that really WAS eyeliner on Chuck on occasion, or if it was just the lighting!

    01.12.09 - 04:53 PM / 18
  • dessessopsid said:

    Is just good to know that someone else has a dog that is so very cat like too...

    01.12.09 - 04:53 PM / 19
  • Cindy said:

    I love AFV too! I sometimes laugh so hard I cry or can't breath...thankfully we have dvr so we can pause while I catch my breath back up to normal (or go to the bathroom, if you know what I mean). :-)

    I'm so happy you all love the show too...the fact that Leta narrates the happenings makes me smile - a lot.

    Poor Chuck - please hug him when he's so stressed. Or give him earmuffs.

    01.12.09 - 04:55 PM / 20
  • Becki said:

    AFV is one of our family's favorite shows too. Although, for the past 3 years I've been trying to get my daughter to call it AFV. But she seems to prefer "America's Homest Funniest Homest Videos."

    We've got a very neurotic dog too - she does the same thing. She sits in front of the TV facing us and shakes and wears an expression of severe torture. You'd think that, with every guffaw, we were beating her severely. When my dad is around her, he yells "Why can't you act like a normal dog? Just be a dog."

    01.12.09 - 04:56 PM / 21
  • Solarjoles said:

    If it makes you feel any better, Dino, my 90lb Dobie, shakes with anxiety too. All the time. Especially when there are cats around, since he knows he's not allowed to chase them, but they are SOOOO tempting.

    It's better than the licking, though...the constant licking of his back leg until it bleeds. I have to promise everyone that no, I don't abuse my dog, he just needs more Valium.

    01.12.09 - 04:57 PM / 22
  • Lori said:

    My son (5) also calls it "The Funny Show"! I have to admit that it is one of our Sunday evening staples and I am frequently laughing so hard that I'm crying. It freaks my dog out too and I think I may have discovered the answer. On the National Geographic Channel there was recently a program entitled "In the Womb: Dogs" at one point they mentioned that dogs with red hair are more like to worry and be easier to upset. Guess what I have... a red haired labradoodle.

    01.12.09 - 04:57 PM / 23
  • Ronna said:

    Sounds a lot like my dog. Chuck isn't part Chihuahua is he?

    01.12.09 - 04:59 PM / 24
  • Britte S. said:

    My dog, Major, is a lot like Chuck. He was badly abused as a pup and I rescued him when he was 6 months old. He's almost 2 now and is finally over the majority of his fear of feet. We still have bags, newspapers, boxes, anything that resembles a bat when rolled up, and Ramen noodles to conquer (I'm not sure how that fear came about, but god forbid I take out a packet of Ramen noodles in his presence). He actually looks a lot like Chuck if Chuck was chocolate coloured and had a Bubba (from Forest Gump) like underbite.

    My family and I are very very careful to stay away from him when we argue because otherwise he'll go into shakes and try to either shove his body between the people arguing or he'll try to shove himself under the couch. Although funny to watch, it breaks my heart to know he's get affected by it that badly.

    01.12.09 - 04:59 PM / 25
  • Marshall said:

    Have you introduced Leta to "Jackass" yet?

    01.12.09 - 04:59 PM / 26
  • Kristan said:

    "Emotionally delicate"? Did you tell her you write about Chuck online for millions of people to read? Because I'm willing to bet a therapist would blame you, so maybe a dog trainer would too. :P

    01.12.09 - 04:59 PM / 27
  • Jewels said:

    Thank you for the laughter.

    Your humorous account of Chuck's behavior reminds me of my dog Scooter.

    Scooter was a german shepard/cocker spaniel, you think Chuck's got issues. My dog looked like a minature german shepard but thought she was a lap dog. Had the brain power of a cocker spaniel and would kill birds, bring them into the house and never sit still. She was an odd dog.

    I'm definitely impressed that you are able to get Chuck to sit still long enough to balance a myriad of things on his head.

    01.12.09 - 04:59 PM / 28
  • Christine said:

    OMG.. our pup acts just like Chuck. We call Ollie our "emo son" mainly because he doesn't believe he's a dog. Once our daughter was born, the emo factor increased ten-fold. Our favourite is his ability to learn and copy baby by crying -- in an overly-dramatic way--in order to get our attention. And if the 3 humans are having a good time, he'll come over all sad and pitiful looking and then is sure to position himself between the 3 of us. Or he'll sit on the baby as much as he can without getting in trouble (i.e. without crushing her. he's a standard schnauzer -- heavy, but too heavy). His life must be rougher than we thought b/c having a bed in our bedroom, going to dog camp, taking a part in my walks with baby every day and going to the dog park just isn't enough.

    Ahhh... but we love our furry, 4-legged children.

    01.12.09 - 05:00 PM / 29
  • Kristan said:

    RE: Britte S from comment #25-
    I'm so sorry your dog was abused (seriously, that's horrendous) BUT OMG RAMEN?! We can agree that's hysterical, right?

    Maybe he'd prefer another brand -- Cup Noodle, perhaps? ;P

    01.12.09 - 05:01 PM / 30
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