Rounding out her resume
A few weeks ago the owners of Coco's parents asked if we'd like to join them for a two-hour session of herding lessons up in Huntsville, Utah, about an hour north of here. We'd been thinking of looking into something like this for Coco, so this seemed like the perfect opportunity to check it out and see if this was something all of us could handle. All of us, that is, except Chuck because we left him home. For a couple of reasons. One, he's not a herding breed and would be as lost among those sheep as I would have been at sixteen inside a sex shop, all, um, what is that long stick there with two balls on either side? Is that some sort of fancy back-scratcher? Two, he's terribly unpredictable when confronted with animals not of his own species and has been known to suddenly discover his anal glands when in the presence of horses or cows.
So one gorgeous Sunday morning we packed up a lunch, hooked both Leta and Coco into the backseat and headed north. But not before stuffing a bag full of books for Leta to read and flip through. Because when we told her we were going to see sheep she asked, "Will those sheep have books I can read?" Granted, that's the first question she asks when we get in the car to go anywhere. Do they have books there? Can I read their books? Which I will admit is sort of cute in the sense that it's obvious we're raising a nerd, but it's sometimes frustrating. Because even though there are books at the grocery store, Leta, I don't want to spend twenty minutes over there in that aisle, not when the only reason I made this trip was to pick up a gallon of milk and a package of earplugs. Because today Apple is announcing new products and Daddy is going to be doing A LOT OF TALKING.
Hunstville is a quaint, scenic town just up from Ogden Canyon, and when we pulled up to the ranch for lessons we immediately met Coco's parents, Lucy and Willie. I've said this before, but it was such a strange experience to meet a dog related to my dog, let alone her parents, because we have no idea where or under what sort of circumstances Chuck was born. And because we haven't had any of his DNA checked out we have no idea what sort of breeds could be swirling around in there, and for all we know a cat got freaky with a deer and out popped a creature who can balance a beer bottle on his head.
And it occurred to me that meeting Coco's mother was probably a lot like what Jon experienced the first time he met my mother and was all, oh. Now I get it. The Crazy is hereditary.
Since all of the dogs in attendance were beginners the trainer talked to us all about what would happen, how one of us would accompany her and the dog into a pen about 1/10 of an acre big, and then when inside she'd show us techniques as to how to encourage the dog to chase the sheep. At this point Leta was sitting on a grassy spot and reading books about twenty feet from the group of us, and Coco was interested in nothing but her whereabouts. WHERE IS SHE? WHERE IS SHE? WHERE IS SHE? Coco, Leta is fine. She's right there reading books. Chill out. BUT SOMETHING COULD HAPPEN! SOMETHING COULD HAPPEN! SOMETHING COULD HAPPEN! Nothing is going to happen, calm down. DOES. NOT. COMPUTE. MUST. CRY. WILDLY. Is that not totally heartbreaking, though? That Coco is so interested in the well-being of someone who, if gifted with only a slightly more advanced vocabulary, would tell her to fucking suck it.
I volunteered to go into the pen with Coco while Jon and Leta had snacks on the grass, and I'll tell you what. Sheep are scary. First of all, they're way bigger in person than on television. And then one of them had this crazed look in its eyes, like it was going to charge me at any second, and I don't know enough about sheep to know if it could cause any real damage if it went ahead with that plan. But I had faith that this trainer knew what she was doing and had not put me in contact with a homicidal farm animal. Although I think that's a great idea for a horror movie: vindictive sheep. Or at least an episode of Dr. Phil where he tries to convince them to be more forgiving.
Coco eyed the sheep suspiciously, but other than that she had no interest and ran to the side of the pen to make sure Leta was still alive. So the trainer asked me to start chasing the sheep myself. And then she tacked on to that request an addendum that I would like to use as a warning to every single person out there who ever plans to marry. You might want to make sure that when you take your vows that somewhere in there is a clause that says, "If I am ever asked to run around a pen in pursuit of a sheep so that I might slap its ass, you are not allowed to recount what that looks like to any of your friends."
Internet, I chased sheep and slapped their asses. And after a few seconds I totally forgot what it ever felt like to have any dignity. Coco watched me for several minutes, dumbfounded, and when the trainer pointed out that her attention had shifted from Leta to me she asked me to start yelling Coco's name in a high-pitched voice. Because the whole situation wasn't already ridiculous enough. This was exactly what my nightmares look like, except in those I'm usually wearing nothing but a Disney Princess diaper and have just been told that tomorrow I have an exam in a French class that I forgot I had signed up for.
But that's when something magical happened, and I will never forget this. I swear to God, suddenly Coco gave me this look, and I promise the look was in perfect English. It said: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME. YOU ARE ACTUALLY ENCOURAGING ME TO CHASE THOSE ANIMALS?
And that was it. All it took was a nod of my head, and her DNA kicked in. All of a sudden we had a sheep herder. An honest-to-God herding dog. She showed glee and exhilaration and skill that I did not know she had in her. For the next hour and a half as she took turns with the other dogs, she would sit outside the pen with both eyes fixed like lasers on the sheep inside, letting out a tiny moan when one of them would move. Jon and I would exchange knowing glances, like here was our dog doing what it was born to do, and isn't it magnificent? And that's when I suggested we adopt a herd of sheep, our backyard could fit maybe six or seven, we could harvest the wool and sell handmade clothes on Etsy. He said he would consider it when he's dead.
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- Bedtime, Leta lingering defiantly in the hallway. Jon: "If you want fart stories, you better get in bed RIGHT NOW."
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
1. Daddy Scratches said:
"Internet, I chased sheep and slapped their asses."
Now there's a line you don't read everyday ...
2. bianca said:
not sure why, but that made me gleefully happy for you. or coco. not sure which...
3. Sarah Mary said:
Evil sheep movie? Already been done.
http://www.apple.com/trailers/independent/blacksheep/
4. Julie said:
THAT is way too cool! Thanks for sharing!
5. Deidre said:
The embarrassing things we do for our dogs.
I grew up in the outback of New Hampshire, with 5 horses. One of my Aussie shepherds immediately took to herding them, it is exhilarating isn't it?
6. andrell said:
you made my day.
7. Smalltown Mom said:
I could offer her a job herding small children on a playground.
8. Schatze said:
I'm glad you finally wrote about this! Did not expect the sheep/ass slapping, but hey- whatever works! For the record, shearing sheep is really foul- my grandparents have a ranch in WY and I'd rather artificially inseminate a cow.
9. Carrie said:
Somehow when I loaded your post I read that sheep chasing and ass-slapping line first. So I assumed, of course, that this was a post about insomnia. Hard-core insomnia.
10. Caroline said:
Evil sheep movie! Here you go!
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0779982/
11. James John Malcolm said:
Hehehe, the internets grinned sheepishly, barn yard doocing!
But yes, sheep are freaky like that. You can tell the weather by them though :)
12. Megan said:
This is as fabulous as it gets to my majored-in-animal-science heart!
I have to admit that I was secretly hoping that Jon was ever ready with his camera and got photographic evidence of the sheep chasing and ass slapping. Really, really hoping...
Leta's slightly more advanced vocabulary makes me laugh out loud in a really obnoxious way.
13. Andra said:
It must have been very exciting for you to witness your dog doing something completely right (almost) the first time around. Go Coco!
14. Katie said:
"...was probably a lot like what Jon experienced the first time he met my mother and was all, oh. Now I get it. The Crazy is hereditary."
I'm pretty sure this is EXACTLY what my husband thought when he met my mother. God Bless our husbands.
15. LeeLee said:
...love the visual of you running around the pen...bwahhahaha!
16. lorim said:
Well, now that you know what Coco's calling is, perhaps she'll stop throwing herself over Chuck's back like a big-ass bag of wet sand. Great post, Heather!
17. belletoes said:
So cool. I wish you had video. I would love to meet the parents and/or siblings of my mutts, too. MoMo Shanaynay is Chuck's twin (I've sent you a pic of her)and would be awesome to figure out what the hell they are!
18. Leesavee said:
PLEASE tell me that there is video of this!!!!! You slapping the sheep on the ass, that is.
19. Jacquie said:
That's awfully cool. I wonder how I might go about discovering what my dog's DNA inclines her to do. She must have been made for more than just unstuffing animals.
20. Nat W. said:
And there's not video of that??
21. Therese said:
The mental picture of you herding sheep, while screaming Coco's name? That will stay with me for some time. And I, for one, am delighted.
Thank you, Heather, for giving the Internet such a wonderful gem.
22. Kymmi said:
Love the ending. Such a perfect 'and we all lived happily ever after' - with you know, our urban herd and Etsy shop.
23. Phoo-D said:
That mental image of you chasing sheep is hilarious. Where, oh where was John with his camera?? It's great to see a working dog doing what they were bred to do, one of the greater joys in dog ownership in my opinion. Coco finally got her day!
24. Jen said:
Definitely time to get sheep.
Leta can count them, after reading her bedtime book.
25. Pamela said:
Oh man I hope there's video. I'm on board with the others - let's see it!
26. Stephanie Melton said:
Did not see that coming - but, so glad I stopped by here today! I had to wipe the tears from my laughter out of my eyes so that I could type. I am very happy for Coco, though!
27. Wes said:
We are doing this with our dog ASAP
http://bp1.blogger.com/__ZLYkgqO35U/SIelH_tt16I/AAAAAAAAA2k/IL7eoKrNLVA/...
28. Sarie said:
Yay! I love this story - I was wondering when you were going to write about it and like many other commenters before, I hope that you have a video of this excitement!
29. Hes said:
That is so freaking cool! We really need to get our shepherd mutt out there herding sheep, I know she would have the time of her life.
So... where are the pics of sheep chasing by the Dooce????
30. Roxie said:
We had a border collie and a german shepherd mix once. The collie would run in circles around the other, confused dog. Many laughs were had.
31. Becky said:
LOVE. IT. I love your description of how it only took seconds for your last vestiges of dignity to evaporate. And if I'm reading correctly, there was no alcohol involved.
32. Tina said:
I haven't yet read this whole entry (except the last paragraph because I was distracted that it was about Coco and whenever I see you write about Chuck or Coco it makes me miss having a dog so very badly! Back to the point...), but I intend to read it soon. I just wanted to quickly thank you for your boom entry. I was once a hard-core conservative, LDS and a stubborn bitch about it, too. I'm agnostic now, and have both conservative and liberal views. I saw some nasty comments, and didn't like or agree with everything that you said (though a lot of it I did), but it opened a door for people. I was able to get such a better perspective of what REAL people think and feel about this election and those running for it, the issues that matter to them, and those that don't. I appreciate that greatly. I understand some of what was said was hurtful and cruel, and that's a shame, but some of us enjoyed and respect your opinion, even if we didn't agree with it completely or 100% of the time.
Now, about that cute Coco of yours... I had an English Setter once, and Coco reminds me of her so much. I wish I had given her the opportunity to do what you did for Coco, letting her go with what comes naturally to them.
Ok, children beckon... Thanks again for sharing your thoughts and providing a place for others to do the same.
A fellow Utahan,
-Tina
33. Mo said:
I secretly dream of doing this. Except my sheep will be alpaca and I will hand-spin the yarn...never mind. I knit. It's a knitter thing.
Also, my dog would probably try to saunter up to the sheep all casual, flick an imaginary cigarette butt in effort to look as cool as them, and then be dissed by the sheep because he is, in fact, less cool than sheep, which really says a lot about how totally doofy my dog is.
34. sara said:
"Or at least an episode of Dr. Phil where he tries to convince them to be more forgiving."
That comment right there sums up why I like your blog.
And how cool for Coco... how often does she get to do this? And does it make her calmer afterward or make her want to heard you around the house more?
sara
35. Alissa said:
Please, God, tell me Jon had a video camera.
36. Robin said:
This is the only not-rated-X sheep and ass-slapping story I've ever read on the Internet.
Also, I have an Italian greyhound that is very much like our cats — except more needy and desperate — until we take her out for a run. When she runs, it's the most graceful thing. She is transformed. And the most amazing thing is that we don't even have to throw a ball, she'll just start running big loops around us — just for the pure joy of doing what she was bred to do.
37. Kelly said:
I too, was going to mention the movie Black Sheep.
38. Corinne said:
You totally HAVE to enter Coco in the Soldier Hollow Sheepdog competition. Funnel cakes and sheep herding...it's a seriously good time.
39. Snotty McSnotterson said:
This is hilarious. My boyfriend has earplugs for when bad teen dance movies come out, because he knows I will be just like Jon in the Apple department.
40. Jillian said:
I tried not to laugh out loud while I read this at work. It's not working too well.
"Internet, I chased sheep and slapped their asses."
I'm trying to picture a tall, fully grown blonde doing this and it's not helping me concentrate on writing a story about 45 third graders participating in the Sunflower Festival.
Thank you.
41. anna said:
Hah! The moment of Coco finding her life's calling. I am wiping a virtual tear from my virtual eye.
42. Julie said:
wtf sheep make me angry they are so damn STUBBORN.
we had 2 sheep when we were kids and they ate trees.
and then they ate chicken feed and bloated and DIED.
43. Liz C said:
A dog as smart at Coco needs a job to keep from going batshit crazy. Sounds like she just found her passion. How cool is that?
Hmmm.. I still haven't found mine. Maybe I should give sheep-ass-slapping a try.
44. BillyJean said:
That is just incredibly cool. I suppose Coco will now take an interest in chasing and trying to herd everything: dandelion fluff, ants... Leta...
45. Molly said:
Isn't it amazing how they do when instinct kicks in? My little one loves herding and I'm trying to get the time to train him regularly.
46. LP said:
I can't stop laughing! I love you Dooce, I totally do. It's stories like this, that are truly so cool but told in your Dooce-alicious (that is to say clever and humorous) way, that, with half an hour to go in the work day, completely lift my spirits. My husband thanks you for that.
47. Sam said:
Thanks for the laugh, my first of the afternoon.
I bet you would enjoy this movie:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Close_Shave
Wallace and Gromit are so sweet and funny, and the moviemakers are patient geniuses with a quirky sense of humor. A Close Shave is sheep caper, but all of their films are fun. Try it, I think you might like a lot.
Happy day!
48. Lindy said:
Sometimes just before I read one of your posts I think you're highly overrated why am I here and why am I still reading. The reason I'm still here is because of posts like today. I think you're a fucking genius- oh my god I almost peed myself laughing. I'm sure Jon has video- it must be posted.
49. gingela5 said:
It's amazing what dogs can make you do. I've been humiliated on more than one occassion by trying to coax my dogs into doing something. Mainly talking in baby voices and making up songs about them.
50. Thom Holwerda said:
Nothing is more fun to me than people describing their first real-life experience with farm animals. I've lived in the Dutch countryside the entire 23 years of my life so far, and chicken, cows, sheep - nothing new.
I'm still not entirely sure which of them are the stupidest, and the smartest. For instance, sheep - they look so peaceful, kind, fluffy, and all look-at-me-chewing-the-grass-with-my-brain-the-size-of-a-pistachio, but I've looked them straight into the eyes, and I swear to god, there's more in there than we are able to comprehend. Sometimes, I think we don't herd them - they herd us. And sheepherding dogs like Coco? They are totally into the conspiracy.
Make sure to open the comments whenever you have an entry on cows or chiken. I have my theories.
51. Marie / morecheese.typepad.com said:
OMG - that is the best marriage vow EVER!!!
Our dog could never chase sheep because he's part fainting goat (I am pretty sure). Seriously, if you've never seen the video, its one of the most hilarious things ever. Check it out:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-143292750174818734
Our dog stiffens and faints when the old man across the street tries to pet him. The poor little guy's head would explode if he were put in a pen with a bunch of sheep!!!
52. Nhiro said:
Crap, just noticed somebody commented with the sheep trailer. I'm slow.
But honestly, how many people in their lifetime can say they slapped a sheep's ass? Now that's an accomplishment.
53. Magpie said:
Seriously, laughing out loud. Great post, though I'm not a dog person, I'll happily giggle at yours. :)
54. milo said:
That's incrdibly cute. And funny. You chased sheep. Priceless.
And when you mentioned a movie about evil sheep I thought about Black Sheep too, funny you didn't know it already existed!
55. Anonymous said:
You know... Coco's protectiveness of Leta is typical of a herding breed. Herding dogs tend to do that because they view children in the house as who they're in charge of keeping out of harm's way. My friend has shelties that behave the same way around kids.
56. Stacy said:
Wow...you have such a way of painting a HILARIOUS picture in my head! Thanks for making me laugh...and three cheers for Coco the Magnificent Sheep Hearding Dog!
57. Jennifer said:
How freaking cool was it to watch Coco herd sheep? You must have been ready to pee yourself.
58. Court said:
I, too, took books everywhere and was a nerd. Still am. But thank you for enabling Leta. My parents grounded me from reading. Not quite over that.
59. Meg said:
Doesn't Jon's fancy iPhone have video capabilities? I cannot believe you posted a teaser of an entry like this without video.
60. Cheryl W said:
Dying laughing. You crack me up. Go Coco!
Also, I was a book nerd like Leta. Still am. We're good people, the nerds.
61. Michelle said:
I'm a new reader of your blog having just found it recently and I really enjoy your entries. I'm glad you had fun with Coco. I have two border collies that work sheep and we trial along the east coast. Watch out - many people have innocently attended a lesson or two and ended up with more dogs, land, sheep, and then the whole farm. Working those woolies can become addictive.
62. Les said:
That's awesome, it's amazing to watch herding dogs at work. I'll bet you both had a great time.
63. t. said:
See, here's the thing. I just found your little blog a few weeks ago (yes, I live in a closet so whatofit.)
And well.
You are fucking awesome. I worship at your witty altar and love that you are as crazy as I am.
Keep it up, I am laughing over here like none other.
64. Kristi Dorson said:
I am so very sad that I do not get to be the first person to tell you about the fabulous movie, Black Sheep. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0779982/
But I can't resist linking to it anyway.
THE VIOLENCE OF THE LAMBS? Come on. You know you want to watch that.
I'm so glad you wrote this out! I've been waiting for Coco's herding story!
65. Delia said:
Chasin' sheep and slappin' their asses. Aw, the childhood memories this is dredgin' up.
66. Tanja said:
Hey you do realise that that is why she howls at Leta don't you? She is rounding you lot up all day as well. We had a dog like that who went crazy if we went on a walk and didn't stay in a group :)
xx
67. Dogmom said:
Heather, I don't have children, so please understand my perspective when I say that when I took Belle (a McNab, Scottish herding breed) to a herding instinct test when she was about a year old and she had NEVER seen a sheep before, and she rounded up a small flock of about 10 sheep into a tiny bunch and actually brought them to me, I was never more proud of anybody or anything in my entire life! I could not believe it, and I will never forget it. I hope you can do it again. For lots of reasons -- mostly because I live in San Diego and traveling to herding lessons is really a pain -- we didn't continue with herding. Belle is almost 11 now and it's one thing I sort of regret because I think she would have been a happier dog (I'm just guessing now) if she had been doing what she was born to do, even a little bit of it. Every day of her life she gets frisbees and balls and various other things thrown, but there's nothing like gathering up those stupid smelly wooly things! Thanks for your posts!
68. Steph said:
More sheep per square foot: http://minisheep.com/
I need a herd. They'll keep my grass neat, and I can farm their wool.
69. Amanda-Jayna said:
Yay for Coco. I wish I could take my dog for herding lessons. Shes part border collie and as a pup she would herd all her toys into a circle in the middle of the room.
I also second what Court says (58). I used to read a lot as a child, until one day my mother said I needed to get out more. I stopped reading AND getting out. It's taken me about 7 years to get back into the reading habit.
70. shonda said:
We've taught our border collie to herd kids. AWESOME!
71. Amanda said:
In fact, there is a campy Australian horror movie called "Black Sheep" all about homocidal man-eating sheep. Very entertaining.
72. Katie said:
Where's a video of that?! That's brilliant.
After owning a dog that was of a herding breed, I have to say that I think what you're doing is great. It can be so hard to appreciate those breeds or even understand why they are so out of their heads until you see them doing what they're supposed to be doing... which unfortunately, we never did with ours. Which is probably why we no longer own her. Along with the fact that we live in a townhouse and that's a horrid combination.
I concur with getting a herd of sheep for your yard. You'd never have to cut the grass again. Small price to pay for having something that looks demon possessed running around outside your house.
73. amyz5 said:
wait, you had that disney diaper dream too?
the visuals are hysterical.
74. Amanda said:
Oh dear, my apologies. The movie is from New Zealand!
75. CurrtDawg said:
So, without the slightly more advanced vocabulary, Leta would tell Coco to "fucking suck...book"?
76. Sassy said:
We grew up with a collie. My mom would send her out in the evening to herd us kids in our the cats. It was awesome.
77. Sassy said:
That was meant to read "herd us kids in OR the cats."
78. Tom Harada said:
this post, like so many, is so well-written and hilarious!
from the onset, i couldn't help but think of this book though:
http://www.edgarsawtelle.com/
-- which is touching (e.g., when edgar is born! oh man...) in perhaps a different way.
such a great scene with coco though...
79. Michelle said:
This is awesome, on so many levels. Why is there not video of the sheep-ass-slapping, though?
Just in case six zillion people haven't already said this to you, check out Jon Katz's dog books. You might remember him from the mid to late 90s when he wrote about tech, and the kiddies on Slashdot took every opportunity to twist their panties into knots about pretty much everything he ever said. Unsurprisingly, that got old, so then he bought an old farm in upstate New York and some border collies and set to trying to make both of those things work as intended. Zaniness, and several books, ensued.
Start with "A Dog Year" probably---that and, IIRC, "A Good Dog" have many super-fun tales of an aging Jewish dude from the city trying to teach herding dogs to herd. The latter will also make you cry like a baby: fair warning.
I hope you guys will stick with the classes... I feel certain Chuck would thank you for it!
80. Heather said:
Heather,
There is a movie about crazy sheep out there believe it or not!! "Black Sheep" rent it an laugh your ass off.
81. Erin said:
Well, thanks alot...you just made me laugh out loud which clued my kids, who were completely and totally occupied by Blue's Clues, in to my whereabouts.
82. Angie M said:
Heather, You have got quite a way with words. I just came across your blog recently, and am really enjoying it. You describe things in such a way that we feel like we're actually there... That was cute how your daughter asked if the sheep would have books there for her! And the other dog that can balance the beer bottles? Omg...lol...
83. LindsayC said:
Oh man- I'm in my office and really can't laugh as hard as I want to right now, but that was some of the funniest shit I've read in a long, long time. Thanks for that.
84. Judy said:
Truly hysterical. Love this blog.
85. ZDub said:
Holy hell, that is fucking funny.
And sign me up for a sweater.
"Made Especially For Me By Dooce".
86. Emma said:
Evil sheep - so funny!
Growing up my dad had a property and we had pet dogs. They weren't meant to be hearding dogs - they were maltese - but boy did they love to chase sheep! And cattle! They were so small compared to the sheep and cattle (especially the huge cattle!) but the were brave enough to chase them and the funniest part was the sheep and cattle ra from them! These little dogs weren't scared of the animals that could trample them, but the shepp and cattle were scared of my little dogs! Hilarious!
And I didn't have to chase them first - we didn't encourage them at all.
Funny story - it was great!
87. stacy said:
As a librarian, and loyal fan, I couldn't me more proud of Leta's book addiction :)
88. Jeni Reno said:
The only way that post could have been better is if you included some video footage. I expected more, Heather.
89. Kristin said:
Did you by chance make it up to the Sheepherding Dog Trials in Soldier Hollow over Labor Day weekend? Every year. That's some kind of something. If you raise those sheep in your backyard, there are tons of local spinners, knitters, and weavers ready to help you out with that.
90. Ingrid said:
You know, there are DNA tests available for dogs. I believe they're available through vets are maybe you can even find them online. I would definitely be interested to know what combination of creatures Chuck is if you ever do that!
91. Carrie said:
I can hook you up with some SLC spinners and knitters who would gladly help you use up that wool. They'd probably even give you pointers on what breed gives the best wool...
92. LadyCiani said:
Hah! If you adopted a herd of sheep, Chuck would not be happy, and you would have to hire a full-time clean-up crew for him.
Love the story about seeing your dog do what she was born to do. Hopefully it helps with her behavioral issues. Fingers crossed for you.
93. Drew said:
You've actually gotta be sort of careful with having a herding dog and a young child. I had a dog who was part Australian shepherd and very much hard the herding instinct. When my twin brother and I were little, and he was maturing, he decided to use those instincts on my brother, who would fall on the ground crying because the dog wouldn't leave him alone and kept biting at his heels to make him go where he wanted. If that does happen with Leta, she has to be very forceful and not let the dog push her around, and show the dog that she's the one in control. Knowing Leta (as much as some kid reading a website can know about her), this may not be a particularly pleasant episode.
94. Random Diva said:
Ok your inspiring me. My dog is 7 and we have been talking about herding lessons for well 7 years and havent got off our asses to do it. He's not a Shepherd but a wee little vertically challenged Pembroke Welsh Corgi. Its in his blood though, he was born on a ranch, he always needs to stay busy and if kids are around at a picnic--he herds them all into the center of the yard. Great post!
95. Anika said:
That is awesome!!! I wish we'd let our dog do that -- she would have loved it.
And as for the scary sheep movie, yikes. I'll add that to my list of things I'm afraid of, right up there with clowns and spiders and semi-trucks-with-teeth-on-the-front-grill.
96. Karene said:
Here Here, Black Sheep is a hilarious movie that all teenagers should be made to watch in school on days that they have subs. It's that funny.
97. Debbie said:
I love the fact that you capitalized the C in "Crazy." Had you not, the English nerd in me would have groaned and said, "well, that was funny, but it would have been WAY, WAY FUNNIER had she capitalized the C so that "Crazy" is percieved as a proper noun, thus an actual diagnosis!"
Do I have issues?
98. jennifah said:
That's awesome! I think you should have chased Jon around and slapped his ass, personally.
As for Leta's book addiction, it is great - my 7yo is the same way - we have books everywhere, car, bathroom, bedroom, etc. I was that nerdy kid who brought a book to restaurants with her parents and while I don't wish that dorkdom on my kid, I can sorta see where she gets it.
Go Coco!
99. Ms. Karen said:
I bet you could convince Jon a lot faster if you told him the sheep would keep the lawn well-tended, and he wouldn't have to pay a cent to fuel up the gas-powered lawn mower. Oh, and you could even rent them out when your grass got too short (or disappears completely, since that's what sheep do).
If it was good enough for Ladybird...
AAAnndd, with all that money you're saving NOT buying gas, he could buy more Apple toys.
I'm just sayin'
100. Sam said:
I can't even get my Yorkie to shit outside. I heard it's a "breed trait"... Yorkies are hard as hell to housebreak.
You got a sheepherder and I got a 5 pounds of sass who not only shits on my carpet, but also likes going to the groomer because they put bows in her hair.
Lucky.
101. mogsie said:
oh dear... I laughed so hard my coffee came out my nose ~
"Consider it when he's dead" ~ HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!
But Jon, what about all that free fertilizer/dog food???
Hmmmm???
:)
102. nazila said:
Seriously, this is the best thing you could have done for Coco. She's bored out of her mind and needs this kind of stimulation. She's probably thrilled to have something to do.
My dog is currently hanging out with his mom and dad right now. He's the splitting image of his poppa. Unbelievable.
103. Nichole said:
I'd just like to know where Jon and his fancy video equipment were when the sheep-chasing was under way.
104. Jennifer said:
Aww, at least Jon is considering it.
From the grave yes, but compromise is the name of the game in a marriage. :)
105. Christine said:
Am I the only one who thinks Coco's papa is one handsome devil?
106. Carla said:
Sheep are insane! I lived in Africa for a bit and worked as a veterinary technician. We had fifty sheep on the farm. Towards the end of my time there we had to take some sheep to market which meant catching them. Catching a sheep is not fun...this species in particular can jump over your head (I am 5'5'' by the way)! Needless to say, my friend ended up in the hospital that day because she broke her finger by trying to catch a sheep in mid air. Good times....
107. Elizabeth said:
HAHAHA this post seriously MADE.MY.DAY. When I was reading about you chasing sheep and slapping their asses...I was literally picturing that in my head and I couldnt stop laughing. I am not kidding. I was laughing out loud, by myself, for a good five minutes straight. Thank you so much!!! And the picture of Chuck and CoCo reminds me of my two beagles. They never want to chew their own bone, they have to have the one that the other one has. Once they get the others bone, they want the original one and around we go again!
108. HouseofJules said:
If it looked even 10% as funny in real life as I imagined it in my head, I'm not sure how Jon was able to keep his shit together while you were in sheep ass-slapping mode. Dear God, that is hilarious.
109. Alexandra said:
i've been reading your blog for a while now
i just have to say:
. you're amazing.
. you're hilarious.
. this blog put a huge smile on my face!
. thank you!!
110. mariah said:
isn't it amazing how they just know how to herd? no one teaches them...they just do. my aunt and uncle had a border collie that would herd their other dogs (cocker spaniels). each time the other dogs would get up and go down the hall the collie would get up and follow them keeping them in line. it was almost ocd-like. he didn't have to herd but he HAD TO HERD. ;-)
111. Joe said:
And none of this is on tape? No Stills.
Another great adventure well told.
Thank You
112. Elizabeth J. Rago said:
wait, i can't stop laughing! dooce, you're awesome.
113. CapreeK said:
Well, today's your lucky day! There just happens to be a film already in existence entitled Black Sheep... where "an experiment in genetic engineering turns harmless sheep into blood-thirsty killers that terrorize a sprawling New Zealand farm." You should make Coco study this film, should she ever be faced with a similar situation.
114. Kath said:
It's fantastic that you are giving Coco the chance to do her "work" of herding and Chuck the chance to do his, sitting quietly and balancing. My sister has her dog at the lake right now, a chocolate lab doing what she loves too, swimming and retrieving.
115. carolbrowne said:
The movie Black Sheep is excellent for a horror zombie sheep movie. Lovely accents! W00T!
116. Val said:
The line "This was exactly what my nightmares look like, except in those I'm usually wearing nothing but a Disney Princess diaper and have just been told that tomorrow I have an exam in a French class that I forgot I had signed up for" made me laugh out loud. Thank you for sharing this, Heather. I had a less-than-fun-filled day at work and this gave me one of my first laughs today. :)
117. Natasha said:
So THAT'S why you were humping the dashboard-- you already lost your dignity on sheep. Kidding! I'm kidding. Teasing.
Sheep are so sweet and docile! We have some down the street in a friend's very large yard. I very much want my own now. You city girl, you... afraid of sheep! (Sheep eyes CAN be googly and awful, though, I'll give you that.)
N.
118. Natasha said:
Okay, your smile in that photo is really cute, Heather. The way your teeth are just coming over your lip a bit? Cute.
119. Robin said:
At the end of this month we are taking Luke, our 8-month-old Pembroke Welsh corgi puppy to a herding instinct trial in Northern California. Since I heard (herd?) about this trial I have been atwitter with anticipation. After reading this post I am now dying in anticipation. Cannot WAIT to see my little puppy running around after sheep. Of course, it may turn out to be a Lack of Herding Instinct Trial, but nothing ventured, nothing gained. Like Chuck, our terrier Bo will need to be left at home. When confronted with another species, his first instinct is to kill it, and failing that, to hump it.
120. Bex said:
Haha! So hilarious to read about someones reaction to sheep. I live in New Zealand where the Sheep to Human ratio is 10 to 1. There are just over 4 million people in New Zealand. Anyway, vindictive sheep- see Black Sheep. It's a New Zealand movie. Doesn't take itself too seriously. Haha, I am still laughing at you being scared of sheep. They're so like... fluffy. and have about 4 brain cells. They will charge at you if you get between them and their lambs.
121. JoY said:
and speaking of dogs and dog lovers:
Are ya sick of politics? Take a break.
If you get the National Geographic Channel, and haven't seen this yet,I highly recommend you watch or tivo Dogtown: "Saving the Michael Vick Dogs". You won't be disappointed. This is one of the most heart-wrenching, infuriating, BUT MOST OF ALL heart-warming documentaries I've seen. It is only showing ONE more time....this Friday the 12th at 2:00pm on National Geographic Channel and their HD channel. I guarantee that you will be glued to this story about 4 of the dogs that were rescued from Michael Vicks dog fighting compound. The trainers at Best Friends Animal Society are amazing.
122. tara whitney said:
i loved EVERYTHING about this.
123. fidget said:
alternately, you could procure more dogs. We had a herding dog to herd dogs. it worked out well. You could look out the window and see this big swirling mass of fur with Pickles orbiting around it. They would return inside exhausted and Pickles would be smiling for hours afterwards. I have a min pin that could use some herding. I think he will fit in an USPS overnight box.
124. Kristi said:
I have had a completely shit day. The day where your kids don't listen, your husband doesn't call, the car breaks down, you burn yourself and the 22 year old person who is supposed to help you on an occasional basis so that you can do fun things like go to the dentist has HER MOTHER call you to quit the job.
Thank you for making me laugh and realize that my dog is the center of the universe. If only I'd listen to her and stay on the couch, none of this crap would happen. Please pass along my Emily-dog's best to your Coco.
125. Rachel said:
I, too, am commenting to beg for footage of this escapade...
126. Kameron Kiggins said:
I'll buy handmade clothes made from Coco-chased sheep, but only if the clothes are ridiculously overpriced. Believe it or not, I do have standards...
127. junewell said:
Funniest thing I have read in a long, long time. Brought tears to my eyes. Thank God you have a blog so you could share this with the world.
128. samantha said:
i'd buy that wool... seems perfectly reasonable to me!
129. Rachael D. said:
So, last night I thought of Coco when my husband and I streamed (online streaming from netflix is great) NATURE:DOGS.
It is a PBS special, 4 out of 5 star rating, about dogs.
One of the first dogs featured is a border collie. And the first snippet is a family deciding if they should get one.
It made me think of all the stories I've read here about Coco and made me chuckle :)
Go check it out. Its within the first 5 minutes of the show.
130. Agnieszka said:
I'm thinking that Coco is secretly awesome!
131. Slonik said:
I burst out laughing at work and nearly let out a fart when I reached the vows bit. Thank you.
132. Anonymous said:
Cute story! Thanks for a peek at something most of us might never experience. While I'm at it, I'm one of those folks who has been dead set against the sharing of young children's experiences and photos coupled with their real names on the Internet, but lately, and I'm not sure why--maybe just because everyone IS doing it--it's ceased to bug me, so I would like to say I'm sorry for previous critical remarks. I apologize, and you go! I enjoy your blog a lot.
133. pogonip said:
I love the idea of packing up and driving for an hour to herding lessons. I'm so there. The things we do for our dogs!
134. Terra said:
Honestly, I can't think of a better way to spend an afternoon. Unless there were also alpaca involved (they look like the Ramones with their bangs, and all).
Go, Coco! My golden retriever has no natural instinct for her breed. I'm pretty sure she's afraid of ducks, and doesn't really get the bringing it back part of retrieving.
135. Lisa said:
So funny, so so funny.
136. Missives From Suburbia said:
If you ever need help boosting Leta's vocabulary, let me know. My kid has the word "fucking" absolutely nailed, right on down to the context. You've never seen anything as surreal as a two-year-old playing with an alphabet shape-sorter who yells "fucking!" as he struggles to jam the "A" into the "B" slot. Well, then again, maybe you have. Since you've herded sheep.
137. Anu said:
Well...now that you've described your version of your sheep chasing, ass-slapping experience, Jon is free to give us his version. I hope there is a post very soon (more graphic details please) about the sheep ass-slapping on blurbomat :-)
138. All Adither said:
Oh, you guys are totally Doggie Whipped.
139. Janet said:
I have been waiting for this post since you posted the pic of Coco herding a few weeks ago. It is the coolest thing to see that ancient instinct kick in, isn't it? I have two sheep crazy corgis, who unfortunately are stuck living with me in the city, and only get to see sheep a few times a year. See my cute little 6 month old puppy getting her first introduction here: http://www.tennlamb.com/index_files/Page856.htm
She also herds ducks, which I find are much more my speed and very cute.
140. Meg said:
Go, Coco! :)
141. Elizabeth said:
Thanks for writing that -- it DID make a great break from everything else -- even better than I had imagined! My breed's so-called natural bred-for talent is cart pulling... I've had some that were naturals and others that were positive the cart was out to get them. In spite of that we've titled at dog-cart pulling in two countries. Also wanted to add that OUR zoo-going experience, one of those "let's do something wonderful as a family" events?? EXACTLY LIKE YOURS, including the face down on the ground screaming hissy fit. Because he needed a drink and in the process and got a drop of water on his shirt... Because there was sunshine. Because the french fries were actually near a potato in the recent past (and so had some skin on one edge)... Because they didn't have fizzy water...
Kids are NOT for the faint of heart. I would NEVER, ever encourage anybody to do it... I would be whole-heartedly excited and supportive of anyone who DID decide to do it, but would never suggest that someone do it if they hadn't come to the conclusion they wanted to already. And I also think you should have to get a license... Just to show that you are doing this ON PURPOSE.
142. Lizzy said:
Ok I almost never laugh out loud when I'm reading blogs but this is damn funny. Please god, let me come across someone doing this. I live just north of Huntsville. My odds cant be that bad right?
143. Lori Magno said:
OMG! Dooce handspun sheep's wool & Coco fur mittens on Etsy? I WOULD TOTALLY BUY THAT!
144. Larissa Gaston said:
That must have been cool to see Coco take to the herding. A friend of mine has a herding dog that’s herded me into a corner many times – I will trust that her dog is just ‘advanced’ and that I don’t look like a crazed sheep. What an opposite Coco must be to Chuck, who while obviously not cool with sharing his bones, seems a little more laid back. The fact that you can get him to sit with a blue wig on – or a beer bottle or treats – amazes me. So cute. I know it’s all about Coco, but I love Chuck.
145. kim at allconsuming said:
And my question to Jon is:
DUDE - WHERE ARE THE PHOTOGRAPHS???
146. Elly said:
Hahahahaha - posts like this make me giggle like a banshee. Cheers for sharing the experience!
147. marty said:
Funniest damned post ever! Thanks!!
148. Buy Reebok Pumps said:
Laughing out loud. Literally. Wonderful post.
149. E! said:
I know this has nothing to do with this post, but I think your new header is my favorite one and I've been reading this site for a loong time. :-)
150. Sarah said:
"Because today Apple is announcing new products and Daddy is going to be doing A LOT OF TALKING."
Wow. Now I know how my husband feels.
Poor Coco, wanting to protect a being that would rather she went of to herd sheep forever. And yes, you are raising a nerd. It's pretty charming. (Says the parent who is the one reading to their kid on public transit every day.)
151. Anna said:
Made me laugh out loud. Not fake internet LOL, but really laughing out loud. With a migraine. Thanks!
152. buy watches online said:
I love your dogs. I think I even find them more interesting than my dogs. Haha...
Only joking.
Go Obama!
153. Kristan said:
LOLDEARGODTHANKYOU!! I'm dying right now, because of laughing so hard on top of the heartburn I somehow gave myself at dinner, but it's so, SO worth it.
154. Melody said:
At least - AT LEAST - the sheep did not chase you and slap your ass. There must be some dignity left in there. I'm not sure how much (I think they're using the metric system to measure dignity these days) but some, surely.
155. Anonymous said:
If that isn't love, WHAT IS?
156. Spatula said:
Dooce. Lady. Chica. Woman. You did all this, and NOBODY thought to record a video? What kind of a husband have you been raising?
157. nuzzy said:
Video. We need video.
158. LizAndrsn said:
Sheep move faster when chased with knitting needles. And a drop spindle.
I'm just saying....
159. Catootes said:
Our Border Collie herds the kids and stares down any ball that moves in our house as if it were an active live thing she has to keep penned. She probably wishes we live in Utah. I understand your glee.
Thanks for sharing.
160. murphy said:
Yup, brilliantly described. I have Aussies myself, and years ago (1998?) I took my girl Murphy (my internet name is in her honor) to a sheep herding clinic. I'll never forget when it clicked in her brain that she could move the sheep. She LOVED it! Unfortunately we didn't get a chance to do it again (it's either a lack of time or a lack of money), and she passed away in her sleep this year at the ripe old age of 15 and almost 1/2. But that moment is in my brain like it happened last week. It's so cool
Thanks for sharing!
161. Traci in GA said:
I am laughing out loud! I knew the Coco with the sheep story would be great. As the owner of a Shetland Sheepdog I sooo understand. But can't say I have every chased sheep myself...
162. carolyn said:
Oh wonderful! Thank you, I totally needed this excellent story. Now I can call it a day, with a smile on my face... and the image of you herding sheep! =)
163. Issa said:
To Coco, you, Leta, Jon and possibly even Chuck are her sheep. Mine walks around the house in circles just checking on us all dam day. Makes her crazy that we don't all just stay in the same dam room.
I've always wondered what Lilith would do with sheep.
164. Katie said:
The thought of Jon recounting the story to his friends is almost funnier than the actual story. Priceless
165. Kim said:
It is one of life's greatest shames that Jon did not capture that scene on video, though don't think that kept me from laughing until I cried anyway! You're a sport for having done that. I would've REFUSED.
166. Anonymous said:
Hilarious!
I just had to share that I sympathize with the anal gland thing - I work at a vet clinic and all it takes is s mall fright for some dogs to become keenly aware of their anal glands ;).
Good for Coco - sounds fun!
167. Brian said:
Please oh, PLEASE in the name of Joseph Smith, the Nauvoo temple and the 12 year old boys carrying the sacrament, please put out a calendar next year of nothing but you wearing Disney Princess diapers.
On your head, as a bikini, as your temple garments whilst being babtized, I don't care I just want that as a Christmas gift for all of my beloved family members.
168. the niffer said:
God, woman, you are funny.
169. kate said:
My ex boyfriend's mom had a collie. She'd FREAK OUT if we weren't all in the same room and she'd try and push us all into a little herd. I could never figure out where she learned this as this all took place on Staten freakin' Island. Blood will out, I guess!
Unrelated to the sheep but related to bee sting Tweet: I got stung by a yellowjacket last Friday. The damn thing still itches. But, I learned a valuable lesson: If it was a bee, use something basic/alkali (epsom salts) to soothe it. If a wasp/yellowjacket/hornet use something acidic (vinegar, lemon juice, etc....)
170. Lindsay said:
Heather, I have to tell you... There IS a movie about vindictive sheep! It's awful and hilarious and you should rent it immediately. The title is: Black Sheep (no, not will David Spade, it's the other one). It's set in New Zealand.
Oh, and the sheep are vicious.
171. Alayna said:
Laughed so hard I cried. Thanks for that.
172. Lindsay said:
PS: not *will* David Spade = not with David Spade. Gah.
173. Erin said:
Crying, CRYING with laughter. And off to bed. You truly rule.
174. Erin said:
I wish we had sheep when I was kid. Then maybe our insane sheltie I had as a young girl (who was probably reincarnated as Coco) wouldn't have burned holes in the rug from running in circles or maybe wouldn't have shattered the sliding glass door (completely unharmed). It's amazing to see what they were born to do, and even more sad to see them when they're kept from it. Thanks for your post - I had a terrific laugh. : )
175. Amy said:
It is a sad testament to my emotional unstability that through this awesome post all I could think was "ohhhhh - it is so sad that Coco is going to be so happy and then never get to do this again." My glass is half-empty the part that is left is cruddy water, not beer!!!
176. Kathy said:
And is there not video evidence of Heather chasing sheep and slapping said sheep's asses for the internet to witness????
177. CJ said:
Dang, that was funny. But have you ever seen sheep balls? I kid you not - they are MASSIVE. (I've been to the Iowa State Fair).
178. Alison said:
Heather, never move to NZ. The sheer (haha i'm so funny) number of sheep would give you a heart attack.
179. LeahC said:
Laughing so hard at the situation of sheep ass slapping. Great great post. Glad the dog got it in the end :-)
180. Ely said:
So that photo of Chuck balancing a beer on his head? Hilarious. But what makes it that much funnier is the title. I go to the University of Wisconsin and something tells me that later this weekend I'm going to get my roommates to balance beer bottles on our heads. Then we'll take pictures. It'll be epic.
Thanks for making me laugh on a super shitty day filled with studying.
181. Katie said:
This has to be the BEST.POST.EVER.
182. Anonymous said:
OMG I think I just pee'd a little.....that was freakin hilarious...I could just see you slapping the wool......too funny....thanks for making my day..
183. #99 said:
So....what about Chuck?
Did he get treats when you all got home?
Certainly hope so!
Go Coco!
Go Leta!
Go Heather!
Jon, you and Chuck might have to have a boys night out!
184. janet jackson said:
oh my god i love you.
thank you for making me laugh so much.
best. writer. ever.
185. Jan said:
I need to know where you took her. Please?!?! We have a crazy sheep dog who needs to chase something too.
186. Madley said:
Thanks for letting me live vicariously through you and Coco. I always promised my Shetland Sheepdog, Tyler Gable Katarungan that someday I would get him a sheep to chase so he could be a REAL dog someday, and not an L.A. apartment-bound, only-knows-the-dogpark kind of pup. But alas... it never happened and he's gone now. So happy days with Coco -- it was great reading (and seeing previous pix :) -- thanks!
187. melomania said:
Congratulations on raising a nerd! That's fantastic!
Since it's too late and you've already admitted to the Internet that you've chased sheep and slapped their asses, I think we deserve to see a video. What could it hurt?
188. Kimba said:
It hurts to laugh when I'm this pregnant, but it was SO WORTH IT. The image of you slapping sheep in a Disney Princess diaper? Fabulous. We've got an Aussie (not a mini which would be SO NICE in our tiny rented home) and I would love to see him get to do something like this. My husband got him in Delta, UT (yup, born and raised in Bountiful, both of us) and we've always wanted to take him back and watch him do his thing.
189. Emily said:
For some reason, in my mind's picture of you herding the sheep, you had a purse. Like a canvas tote bag purse type thing. It was distracting.
190. Carolyn said:
Damn I love it when dogs just instinctively do Dog things. I'm actually glad there isn't any video cause I would likely get some secondary embarrassment.
And I'm not sure if anyone else said this, but sheep are dumb as a box of hammers (after all the time spent butting each other), and would hurt your silly self if they decided to butt you. So, if they should start looking at you, and backing up, then it's time to run. (Though the thought of you being chased by a sheep, being chased by Coco, is damn funny, and would require video...)
191. Don said:
Heather,
It's stories like these that keep me coming back. You're like the crazy sister I never had. Well, scratch that, I already have three, but you'd fit right in!
192. Tracey said:
There are classes for dogs? That don't involve sitting or fetching...that's kind of cool actually. I want my cats to take a class too! I'm all for continuing education, maybe they could learn under-water welding. I hear there's good money in that...
193. Anonymous said:
Baaa ram uuuuu Baaa ram uuuuu
to your flock your kin be truuuu
baaa raaam uuuu
that should have done it.
194. Aimless said:
I am laughing so hard I am crying!! I sooo wich there was video of the ass slapping with high pitched 'Cocoooo' howl.
195. Heather said:
Love it! I hope coco appreciates you! Thanks so much for the laugh it came at just the right time!
196. JeanMarie said:
Re the horror movie idea: You should totally watch Black Sheep. It's a movie from New Zealand about homicidal sheep (for real).
You're probably glad I'm telling you this now- after you've dealth with the scariness that is sheep.
197. Anonymous said:
Are you ever going to post the Wii winners?
198. wendy+ said:
For the record: I have been reading (and enjoying) this blog for two years. I don't think I've ever commented. But still. For two years I have been, silently, to myself, giggling (also, I've been cheerleading, supporting, and loving it, all to myself). But. Heather. Today. This night. After only one glass of wine and on plenty of sleep. . . Tonight I laughed. Out loud. Often.
I'm so happy that I might just have that second glass. Thank you.
199. JeanMarie said:
Okay now I feel like an idiot cos I commented before reading the comments and then when I read the comments I realised just how many people beat me to the Black Sheep reference. Dammit.
200. Lana said:
I used to live with a boyfriend and his herding dog, who had The Crazy. To cope with a solid lack of sheep to herd, he went and bought her a dozen soccer balls, dumped them in the yard, and that dog herded those balls around the yard for hours on end.
It nipped The Crazy right in the bud, let me tell you.
201. kj said:
Love that Coco! This post reminded me of one of my favorite words:
"funktionslust" - a German word meaning 'pleasure taken in what one can do best.'
202. Jill S. said:
Our Aussie chases the three kids, running in circles around them, trying to keep them all together. Just for shits and giggles, sometimes we make the kids each stand in a separate room and call the dog's name. It's fun to watch her brain cells implode.
203. Fishing Around said:
I would totally check out that Etsy shop.
204. just beth said:
i know it's lame to comment that i'm laughing, but JEEZUS woman! BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!
oh lord. tears, in my eyes.
thanks, i needed that.
xo
b.
205. RJ said:
As an expat Aussie who grew up on a sheep farm this story bought back so many memories......the joyous moments of arse slapping a sheep. Lucky for you they must have been clean cause I was waiting for the line in which involved looking down at ones hand and realizing that your hand now had a lovely smear of poop!
206. LauraLoo said:
Thanks so much for this. I just had a really crappy day and was in major need of a hearty laugh. Glad I can count on you.
207. Anonymous said:
We had 2 yorkies and they were super friends to the end- Cookie was hit by a car...long story...anyhow- Pepper was sad after Cookie died - but before that they were great friends and loved one another. They learned to hang out even though one was super jumpy and the other was calm and older. Check out this site www.puppiesandworms.com
208. Lisa-Marie said:
For killer sheep look for the movie "Black Sheep" Don't know how accessible it is in the states - it is a New Zealand flick - but it is all kinds of awesomeness! Check it out.
209. Lisa-Marie said:
once again I have learned the lesson to READ the comments before MAKING the comment.
Apologies for belabouring the pont - but it is indeed one ace film.
210. Gry said:
I was going to recommend Black Sheep also, but #2 beat me to it. (And now I'm lol'ing, cause there are HOW MANY COMMENTS ALREADY?)
211. Heather-in-Australia said:
Dude, check out the NZ zombie-spoof "Black Sheep". It's FUCKING HILARIOUS. The mint sauce bit damn near makes me pee my pants :).
212. Matin said:
That was so funny, The bit you said about Jon talking about Apple products all day sounds so familiar, my hubby is exactly the same and i dont have the heart to tell him shut it:-) last night after listening to the news i made the mistake of asking about Hadron Collider, you now the thing that does something with protons, so then i had to listen to an hour detailed explanation of every quantom physics theory ever presented by man:-)
Love your stories
XX M
213. thejunebug said:
Huntsville is just gorgeous! I used to live there. By the way, there used to be this FABULOUS mom & pop place in the Canyon... I forget the name of it. But they had the best milkshakes ever, and as of 2002, they were still open.
Also, you should totally do what my parents did and take Leta to Devil's Slide, then tell her if she looks down past the rail she'll look straight into the depths of Hell. I was terrified of that rock formation for much of my formative years, till I figured out my parents were full of shit.
214. RaeRae said:
Please Please Please post a photo of you slapping a sheeps ass.
215. Susy said:
Watch the movie Black Sheep!!!! Killer sheep. Weresheep. Something for everyong!
"Angus, you baaaaastard!"
216. Anonymous said:
Vindictive sheep: horror movie...
Been done :) Or at least, a song about it.... were you herding Fenton?
http://www.tomsmithonline.com/lyrics/ds8.htm
217. Sue said:
You are just hysterical. I mean your writing is unbelievable. You are the stand-up comedian of the written word. Thank you for the laughs!
218. Melany said:
OMG. Funniest thing I've read in a long time! Thank you for an early morning laugh to start my day.
219. Kay said:
Totaly. Awesome.
220. Carrie said:
Oh Heather, that is awesome! Thank you for sharing that great story and making me laugh this morning! Hysterical!
221. Laurie said:
I LOVE watching dogs do what they love! We have something up here in Ontario called Flyball. I'm not sure if you have it in Utah. The dogs (every breed imaginable)run over about 4 hurdles as fast as they can,in a straight line, then press their paws on a contraption that puts a ball into their mouth. They then have to run back over the hurdles again, as fast as they can. The compete side by side with other dogs. I have tears running down my face every time I watch. It is so amazing to see dogs with that light in their eyes. You know they are SO happy. I have seen Great Danes' do it, and even a pot bellied pig! But the best ones are alway Border Collies. You can tell it's built in to them.
I bet you were pretty chocked up when Coco found what she was meant to do.
222. Kelly said:
What Melany said...Laugh out Loud funny at my desk -- made my morning. Thanks Heather! Wish you were coming to our Cnd. Oct. Conference (reply from Katey, tks) more interesting design people confirmed, should be fun. Maybe the next one :)
All the very best to you, Leta and Jon.
223. Diana said:
Come on! Post the pictures already...we all know John had a camera with him!
224. teetotaled said:
Please tell me Jon secretly videotaped you slapping sheep ass and we will get to see it?! Please, please, please!
225. Jennifer said:
I know exactly what you mean. We have a lab, and she loves her some frisbee, but her favorite thing to do is swim & retrieve. The hardest thing to teach her has been sitting and waiting (quietly) for her cue to go. Once she sees that dummy hit the water she goes nuts, whining and jumping around, then pretending to sit while she inches closer to the waters edge. When released it's a streak of dog fur launching into the water, and once she's back on land she wants nothing more than for you to throw the dummy again. It's an awesome feeling to see your dog that happy.
226. Michelle said:
Ah, people beat me to it. I was going to mention Black Sheep, the already-made vindictive sheep horror film. You should rent it sometime; it's really quite terrible.
But it's not disappointing; a man sodomizes a sheep after he develops a cloven hoof, as you would expect.
227. Anonymous said:
Jon... why didn't you record Heather chasing the sheep... that way you could not only describe it to friends and family verbally but also show them. Heck, that would have replay value for years to come...even at Leta's wedding reception some day.
Oh the lost moments.
Thanks for the laugh.
228. Cathy said:
I have to say, now that I've heard your voice several times on videos, I now hear it in my head while I'm reading your blog as though you're narrating. Funky.
229. Keely said:
*snort* Aw, good for her. Free reign to make sure everyone's in one place.
230. Tori said:
It's always an awesome moment when they "get it". Growing up we had an Australian Shepard and a ranch where we raised cows. We picked up Casey as soon as his mother would let him go and immediately took him home and set him in the cow pasture. He was 8 weeks old, about 15 pounds and totally unaware. He spent the month between coming home and my first day of first grade watching me chase cows. Separating the calves from the cows, moving them from pasture to pasture and working new cattle when they came to the ranch from the auction. In those 4 weeks he chased zero cows but spent a lot of time herding me from the house to the chicken coop. He herded me right onto the school bus on the first day of school and back home that afternoon when I came home.
One afternoon we were separating cow calf pairs and I walked out to open up a gate to the back pasture and then opened the gate to the corral where the calves would go. Without any prompting Casey started separating the pairs and putting them right where they should go. After that, all we had to do was open a gate and he got where the cows were going and did his job.
231. The Dunce said:
My favorite line of the whole post - "This was exactly what my nightmares look like, except in those I'm usually wearing nothing but a Disney Princess diaper and have just been told that tomorrow I have an exam in a French class that I forgot I had signed up for."
I agree some pictures are in order! Hilarious stuff.
232. cris said:
Yeah, you posted photos of Coco doing this but... PICS OF YOU OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN!!! :D
233. Deborah said:
Love this post!
234. Shan! said:
I'm sure October's header is in this post somewhere!
235. angie said:
there's a cartoon in the UK called Shaun the Sheep, it just cracks me up, occasionally Shaun does aerobics, complete with a headband - such a sensible sheep! i know, me and the under 5's...so much in common.
here are some clips: http://www.shaunthesheep.com/clips/view/26,
236. Tess said:
What a fun thing to do to get to know the pets in your life!
237. Chris G said:
Oh God! I laughed so hard it hurt.
238. Sadie said:
We had two shelties who herded us all of the time. We never had the opportunity to teach them how to herd sheep.
My dream is to own a sheep farm. And a few Coco's. :)
239. Shellie said:
I have that dream ALL THE TIME! Not the princess diaper part, but the French class.
240. Diane said:
I am not one to comment regularly but this post had me laughing so hard. Exactly the dose I needed! Thank you for sharing this story!
241. Sprite's Keeper said:
My rat/yorkie 10 pounder herds my 40 lb beagle all the time. Then he humps her. (I should have left that last part out.)
242. Brandy said:
Oh man, you just made my day. I have recently discovered this website and now find myself checking several times per day for a new entry! I am a farmer's daughter and the visualization of you in a pen of sheep leaves me in a fit of a hysterical laughter. Thank you, for that.
243. Tara said:
This was awesome. The image of you chasing the sheep and slapping their asses. . . well, that's not going to leave me anytime soon.
We took our purebred border collies for a quick herding lesson several years ago. One dog was too focused on my husband to be all that interested in the sheep, but our OTHER dog--man, it was something to see. He locked in on those sheep like a fleece-seeking missile and would not back down. Had we bothered to really get him some training, he could have been amazing, I think. And he would have loved it. (Don't feel sorry for him that we didn't do the training, though. This dog was equally enthralled with rubbing himself on the carpet to get off, if you know what I mean. Easy to please, that one.)
Later, when I learned to knit, I had the crazy dream of "OH, we can get a small herd of alpacas, and the dogs can help us with them, and I can shear them and make really soft yarn and dye it and sell it and we'll be so HAPPY!" My husband, much like Jon, put a quick stop to that, and I am grateful.
244. angela said:
Have you read any John Katz?
http://www.amazon.com/Dog-Days-Dispatches-Bedlam-Farm/dp/0812974352/ref=...
245. Meranda said:
I have a chihuahua so we take trips to taco bell once in a while and slap taco's.
246. Dyanna said:
I'd totally buy a Dooce hand knit sweater, or a loomed rug of some sort. I'm just sayin'...
247. Mary said:
Somehow I can totally picture you slapping sheep ass. Great story. Hysterical!
Jon, got pictures?
248. yo mama 2 one said:
Bring CoCo to the dog run to annoy the other dogs and get her ass bitten by them.
The herding DOG and it's owner drives all the other dogs nuts.
Dogs don't like being herded, and coco will try to do that naturally. It is the funniest thing to watch.
249. Anonymous said:
I am pregnant and at work and I just laughed so hard I peed a little.
So now I am pregnant, at work, with wet pants and smell of piss and it's your fault.
250. rebecki said:
Is it weird that I almost started tearing up at the end?
251. Deanna said:
When I was a kid my mom would let me go sit on the floor in the magazine aisle and read while she shopped. This was in the 70s when parents didn't worry about us being snatched. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking on her part.
252. Tiggerlane said:
S&M with sheep - OMG, a video of that would totally blast "Cooking Edamame" out of the pot of boiling water. Damn.
Hopefully, Coco won't go into full "herding" mode, next time you chase Jon around the house, slapping his ass.
253. the mighty jimbo said:
my dog was apparently born to herd laser pointers and kill squeaky toys.
he's remarkably adept at both.
254. Anonymous said:
Oh, we have a Sheltie who would love this, but no sheep around here that I know of(or at least none that you can herd for fun) so he has to be content with herding his friend who is a Cavalier, and to be truthful..he doesn't much like it..
255. Emily said:
Did you take any video? Can we see?
256. devon said:
"...It said: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME. YOU ARE ACTUALLY ENCOURAGING ME TO CHASE THOSE ANIMALS?"
Fucking. Hilarious.
And absolutely fucking awesome.
257. jennielynn said:
You are a far better doggie mama than I am.
258. Sonya said:
Excellent story. I'm amazed at how a herding dog knew what to do once it was properly shown. The trainer amazes me in that he/she knew exactly how to humiliate you in order to get the desired result.
Thanks for making me laugh.
259. Sonya said:
Oh, so now what is Coco going to do when she goes home. Herd people?
260. andrea said:
See! A job is totally what she needed! Perhaps she could herd the visitors in Temple Square? Was that not P.C.?
261. Beth said:
I was beginning to wonder if the herding story was ever coming! After I saw those two photos I was dying to know. It sounds like it was great for Coco, and as always you tell it with humor! I might suggest to my sister, who has a dog w/ some herder in her that she do the same!
262. Grace said:
Isn't it amazing? We have a livestock guardian dog (Anatolian Shepherd), and it was such an eye-opener to realize that what seems like just odd neurotic behavior (the constant vigilant WATCHING) is actually part of his genetic code. It's what generations of dogs like him have been bred do it. Mind-blowing.
263. MissyH said:
I, too, have a herding breed, and really, seeing the proverbial lightbulbs go off in his head the first time we took him herding, was truly amazing.
Be warned, them herding people can get kooky, and they might even suggest herding things that are downright comical, things like llamas, goats, reindeer (no shit), and ducks are always fodder for refining technique.
With your new pure-bred dog cred, rent Best in Show, if you haven't already. Then extrapolate that to homely people with marginal people skills (but excellent animal skills) on a ranch, and it will save you the one hour drive.
264. Lisa said:
Imagining You in the Princess diaper....PRICELESS. Dooce is back doing was Dooce DOES BEST!
265. Sarah said:
Awesome post.
In all aspects.
Thanks for the gut-wrenching laugh today. I really really needed that!
266. Dana said:
That movie you're looking for has already been made. It's called Black Sheep and it's hilarious. It seems like a mix of Grindhouse and Shawn of the Dead, so basically awesome. You should check it out sometime.
267. jo said:
My sister had an Australian Shepherd. She loved to herd my sisters horses. Even when my sister only had 3 horses, Robin would be out there herding the three for no other reason than the love to herd. She would also try to herd us but we were much less cooperative. (Although it was hysterical to watch her try to herd my niece and her little friends)
268. Susan said:
I *heart* your family! Thanks for the belly laughs!
269. Helen said:
Fucking hilarious!
My daughter loves those disney princess pull-ups!
270. Aisha said:
I keep trying to convince my boyfriend that we need alpacas, sheep, chickens and possibly bees one day. He's nearly sold on the alpacas/sheep, but isn't keen on the chickens (he's allergic to eggs) and he refuses to discuss bees. He's allergic and in his family, each sting results in a worse reaction each time. I can understand that, which is why the bees would be far away from the house. Then he says something about the kids and then the conversation goes downhill. The words 'you don't like getting hot! Or poo!' get tossed around.
At least Jon doesn't have fun tales about texts your mother has sent him?
271. Kimmy said:
I just finished reading this while at work in my little cubicle - covering my mouth so that I wouldn't crack up out loud! Coco is such a weirdo!
Last night our internet was getting hooked up through verizon, and on our desktop I have Chuck with the Marge Simpson wig on. It's just so damn funny that I must look at it everyday. The guy who was setting our wireless modem up by remote was in India. He asked if Chuck was our dog. I tried to get my boyfriend to plug dooce.com, but he didn't hear me.
Your dog stories are great! And someone in India thinks Chuck in a wig is awesome.
Kim
272. kristin said:
That's so awesome. Hooray for Coco! Does she get to go back and do it again? You should read some of Jon Katz's books - he has two herding dogs and he ends up moving out to a farm with them. Have Leta teach Coco to read and she can learn all about it.
273. Marcie said:
Oh my god, that totally made me laugh out loud.
Great post.
274. Demi said:
Are you fucking kidding me? Don't be such a loser.... get a life.
275. CarolM said:
OK - that was great, but just a little warning about what you've unleashed:
When I was an Animal Science grad student, a fellow student had a formerly working Boarder Collie that she would bring to our shared office. Poor Jack missed working so much that he began herding the students, and eventually trying to stare down the electrical outlets around the room! Be prepared!!!
Mind you, we have what we suspect is a cross between a Boarder Collie and an English Pointer - he looks like a pointer, but herds our chickens like a BC. Go figure.
My best guess for Chuck's heritage is a Yellow Lab cross.
276. Caro said:
Probably the reason why the human race is going batshit. Most of us aren't doing what we were born to do...
I love dogs, being around them is more than just fun, at times it really makes you think about some really profound stuff.
277. Carrie B said:
Excellent story. I always look forward to your posts. I also read finslippy, may I suggest that you create another banner for her? Please, please, please. I know you made the last one a long time ago and, honestly, it's a little tired. You do such a great job with your banners, I just thought you may throw her a bone. Just a suggestion...
278. Beth said:
Dear Dooce, My name is Mojo, and I'm typing this with my paws to thank you for letting my mommy know that herding lessons DO exist! She just signed me up for some where I live. YAY!
Oh, and PS -- I'm sorry you had to take in such an ugly dog ;)
279. Lisa Marie said:
That is so amazing to see a dog doing its "job". I have a beagle and I would love to take him to a place where he can do scent hunting. I've heard they have places where they just use the scent of a rabbit, not an actual bunny that would probably have a heart attack. We lived in chicago for a while where they have wild cotton tail rabbits in the park and the sound that he would emit when he saw one was unlike anything I ever heard -- it was a wild HONK, and he won't make that sound for any other animal.
280. Anonymous said:
My husband and I separated in February. I havent laughed like I just have since. Thank you. This just made my week!
281. Meg said:
I agree, you should have a note in your prenup about not being able to make fun of the way your wife chases sheep. Now, had Jon been the one out there slapping sheep's asses it would have been fair game.
282. Al said:
Growing up in Ohio, I had a neighbor who raised border collies, and trained them to herd ducks in his backyard. He would train them to herd from one direction or another based on voice commands, whistles, or hand signals -- from up to a mile away. He would put them on a plane and compete with them in Scotland.
Those dogs were the happiest border collies I've ever known. Every morning, and every afternoon, they were out there terrorizing those ducks. It was hillarious. But the dogs were very calm, very well behaved, really smart.
He even trained one to climb trees.
283. Amy said:
I had to stop reading halfway through because I was in tears and I don't need to give my colleagues any more excuses to think about how I'm that weird chick sits at her desk laughing all day long ...which I do. I think it was the Princess Diaper that did it. Holy, Dooce. You are un-fucking-believable sometimes. In the best possible way.
284. anne said:
I kid you not - we are taking our border collie Judy to herd sheep in two weeks!! We are so excited to see her in actionl! Sounds like you :) and Coco are naturals!
285. Susan said:
Time for a road trip to Idaho! We used to go to this and it's quite a sight, pretty entertaining. Chasing not encouraged. http://www.trailingofthesheep.org/
286. Karen said:
I know my little comment is going to get lost in the hundreds of comments you get everyday, but I just wanted to thank you for making me laugh most every day with your posts and smile at your beautiful pictures.
287. sarah shevett said:
Wow, I never ever thought your lives would ever resemble mine. I mean, livestock? On Dooce?
I thought I had a safe house here.
P S I can make you all something from my sheep's wool; hats? A blanket? a rug?
sarah
ferndale, ca
288. Schmutzie said:
How many times has the movie from New Zealand "Black Sheep" been mentioned by now? Probably too many times, but it is excellent in an omigod-it's-so-awful kind of way. And there's lots of flatulence in it, which is a plus.
289. Creature of Habit said:
I'm not sure what this says about me or my interests, but TELL ME MORE! This is fascinating and outstanding.... PLEASE tell me Jon made a video? Somewhere?
Also - do you think they'd take Chihuahuas? She's little, but she loves to herd people. Specifically me, and my husband. I'd like her to transition to sheep.
290. Erin N. said:
We have a Newfie and the best day ever with him was when we took him to see water rescue trials. Coolest. Thing. Ever.
291. Eddeaux said:
OMFG. I would pay some good money to see you running around in a pen chasing sheep. Who needs therapy? who needs drugs? All we need is sheep and a woman crazy enough to chase them and slap their asses.
292. CML said:
OMG. After reading this: "Internet, I chased sheep and slapped their asses." I went totally distracted and could only wonder if there was a sink near by for you to wash your hands or did you have to wait. And whether or not, when you were done with the chasing and slapping, you walked with your hands held out in front of you they way people do who have something all over their hands and they are afraid to touch anything.
293. GAR said:
This is the funniest thing I think you have ever written.
294. crystalcrush said:
ohmy thanks soo much for such an entry...you have no idea how your entry always brightens my day! i love the way you can recount things in such a funny way...hahah totally made me laugh out loud! =)
295. Tootsie Farklepants said:
If that were a pen full of galloping table scraps my dog would totally be there.
296. Leah said:
We went to a Scottish festival a few weeks ago and the best part was definitely watching all the Cocos heard sheep. I've never seen dogs so happy and sheep so annoyed.
297. A Seattleite in Paris said:
I think we need to see some photos!
298. ...loveMaegan said:
Yay! Coco finally has a job! ...but, you left Chuck home? boo
299. Barbie said:
OMG, this is the harder I laughed in weeks.
300. Linda said:
Thanks for the laugh... I love the way you tell your stories!!