Three, two, one...
There was this one time when I asked a whole bunch of people if they would help me put together a book, some of them close friends, others whose work I had admired for years, and I remember one exchange in particular when this one guy said SURE! and the excitement I experienced was not unlike what I imagine it would feel like to impregnate Angelina Jolie myself.
That book comes out today:
It's called Things I Learned About My Dad (in therapy) and it's a collection of essays about fatherhood from the perspective of fathers, wives, daughters and sons. I've written two of the 17 essays, one about my father and one about Jon. A few weeks ago I gave my father an advance copy of the book with the hope that he would read what I had written, but I didn't say anything to him other than HERE IS MY HEART AND SOUL, DO WITH IT WHAT YOU WILL. I found out a week later that he had taken it home and used it to prop up a wobbly toilet. I like to think that I improved his life by those two inches.
The other authors are Kevin Guilfoile, Matthew Baldwin, Matt LaPlante, Alice Bradley, Doug French, James Griffioen, Greg Allen, Greg Knauss, Maggie Mason, my hot geek husband Jon Armstrong, Leah Peterson, Sarah Brown, Eden Kennedy, Gail Armstrong, and my man in Houston, Bill Farrell. I am eternally indebted to these people for their hard work and cooperation and for making this book such a spectacular collection of emotion: humor, sorrow, frustration, joy, and forgiveness. I won't say which, but one of these essays completely transformed me, and I'm a better person for having read it.
Starting today the book is available at the following retailers:
Amazon
Barnes and Noble
Powells
Booksense
Kensington Books
On Thursday June 5 I'm going to be doing a signing at a local bookstore called The King's English on 15th East in Salt Lake City. I'll be sure to post more specific details as that date draws near and would encourage everyone to come and say hello even if you don't want to bother with the book. I haven't ever done a local meet and greet and thought this would be the perfect occasion. But be warned, I am known to bite. And suddenly break out into song.
I don't think the publisher is sending me anywhere to do press or signings, but I've had a few requests from readers who wanted to know if they could send me their copy so that I could sign it and then send it back to them. I'm more than happy to do this as long as you include return postage (please send it to the address on my contact page), and what the hell, I'll tuck a little extra something into the envelope. I promise it won't be gross. Maybe.
Finally, I want to thank my editor Danielle Chiotti whose name should be right next to mine on the cover of the book given how much work she did to get this thing out the door. She is a superhero, and I can't thank her enough for hanging in there with me. Also, my agent Betsy Lerner, who has been my tireless advocate for over three years. She has suffered endlessly, and I owe her a beer.
I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS IS OVER, THANK GOD. Fly, little book, fly!
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
301. shauna said:
Congratulations Heather... that's a great lineup of writers you have there.
302. Jennifer said:
Congratulations!
Arun, you might be able to order it through Amazon.co.uk.
303. Heidi Renee said:
congratulations!
this has nothing to do with your book, but I knew you'd want to know about chocolate covered BACON!!
http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/04/breakfast_of_champions
304. dana wyzard said:
DAMN!! If I hadn't pre ordered it, I could have it by now.
305. Caren said:
Congrats! This is really exciting news! I can't wait to get my hands on a copy.
306. B said:
Congratulations Heather! I hope it's a wild success! I've really enjoyed your blog for years now and look forward to continued inspiration.
307. Anonymous said:
Come to Boise and have a signing!!! Please!
308. Bridget said:
Congratulations! What an accomplishment!
309. Jan said:
Congratulations Heather and I ordered my copy from Amazon this morning.
310. Kelly said:
#44 on bestseller list. Woo-boy. You done good.
311. Wicked Stepmom said:
Long-time lurker, popping in (a bit LATE, holy comment overload Batman!) to say Congrats!
Running over to Amazon now to buy a copy.
312. Jakki said:
Congratulations...on EVERYTHING. This statement alone...
I like to think that I improved his life by those two inches....
Goood grief...its like okay, I'm giving you a bit of me here...a little bit of power dont eff it up but if you do I will go on...too bad it was eff'd up.
For the record...I love to hear you break out in song...TOTALLY enjoyed you and Leta's clip. Very American Idol worthy.
313. alex said:
I pre-ordered mine from Amazon, too, but now wish I had just held out so I could rush down to Borders and get some instant gratification! Now I'm going to have to stalk the mailman and he really hates that.
I hope you got a chance to plug your book on the up-coming GMA segment, which I'm getting up early EVERY morning to watch for, by the way. And Robin Roberts really annoys the hell out of me, so I hope you do something really neat/embarrassing/windmill-arm-related on camera to make it worthwhile!
Congratulations on your most well deserved success, and much more of it to you!
314. stephanie said:
okay, this news got me off my butt this morning. thanks!
315. Kerri said:
My husband gave me a gift card for my birthday in March, and I pre-ordered the book on March 15th! But I just stopped by to say that it's funny, because in my email today I got a reminder that my book was being shipped out today from Tennessee.
316. Amy said:
I haven't commented here in years, but I could not let this thought go by...
HOLY CRAP. Your book is already #45 at Amazon?!?!? Congratulations. You must be so excited!
317. uÇÊžoʇ said:
How awesome for you --- How incredibly jealous am I!
318. chere said:
Dear Heather,
No matter how old we are we (most) want our parents to say "great job" - it's leaves little pains in your body when they don't. I am sorry that your Dad
hasn't done that yet. You obviously love him. He must love you.
The hardest lessons come from those we love and must be so much more difficult when they are layed out for everyone to see.
I can't wait to read your book. And I hope he does too.
319. Shalini said:
Is it being released in Australia? Or will I only be able to get it thru the net? I was hoping for instant gratification!
Looking forward to buying it and reading it cover to cover!!
Congrats Heather! Very vere exciting!
320. Rosane said:
Congratulations! What a great feeling this must be. I can't wait to read it.
Rosane.
321. Amber said:
Congratulations!
I work at a Barnes & Noble store in St Paul, MN, and I'll look for the book when I go in tomorrow. If we don't have it, I'll make sure the store gets it. Hell, maybe I'll even make it my next staff recommendation. What are invisible blog friends for?
322. Kristine said:
Congratulations and I cannot wait to get my copy to read!
323. Bella Rum said:
I'm sorry your Dad didn't read it and acknowledge your effort. Congratulations on quite an accomplishment.
324. Kathryn said:
Congrats!! You must be relieved to have this all over with...for the moment... :)
I ordered my copy from Amazon the VERY FIRST DAY you posted about it, and yet they emailed me this morning to inform me that they don't have enough copies on hand to send mine out for at least a week, possibly two. I'm sorry, but if I'm running a business and I have a given number of pre-orders, you damn well better make sure you have that same number of orders on hand to send out. But that's just me. Clearly Amazon has systems far superior in place. Dickwads.
Okay, I'm done now. I can't wait for the book to arrive!!! COngrats again!
325. Diane said:
Holy Moly Cow! You are a published author (outside of your wonderful blog that is!) and I look forward to reading your book.
Congratulations - now go and put your feet up and have a drink - you deserve it!
326. Craftwhack said:
I can't wait to read your book! Ya-hoo.
327. Salena Lettera said:
I pre-ordered my copy when you first spoke about this book and I got an e-mail from Amazon telling me it's on its way. I don't think I've ever been so excited! I can't wait to get my hot little hands on it.
Since I drive an 18-wheeler for a living, I do everything in my power to be in SLC on June 5 to see you and anywhere else in the country you might be going to speak/promote your book.
Best of luck to you and your amazing (how can it not be) book!!!
(proof of human visitor words: stowe boring)
328. Toni said:
wow. this is !@#$&* AWESOME. sweet & shiny! congratulations H.B.
329. Anonymous said:
i would just like to say congrats on the book! and that east coast b&ns suck.... they wont have the book in until mid may...
330. Anonymous said:
I pre-ordered from Amazon and I can't wait til Friday!
331. Dana said:
Yay! I can't wait to pick up a copy, and have it signed!
332. Chris Verstraete said:
Excellent! Congrats on your new book! Nothing like it. All the pain and anguish finally comes to fruition. I'm on pins and needles, too, my novel, Searching For A Starry Night, A Miniature Art Mystery, (tweens to teens) comes out next month! (And check out the actual miniature of Van Gogh's Starry Night at my blog - http://candidcanine.blogspot.com - cool huh?
333. Meadowlarkmark said:
Congratulations!!!Great work. I a am proud of you though I only know you through the log.
334. Jennifer Robin said:
Can't wait to read it! Maybe I learn a thing or two about my dad...
335. M.K. said:
The best way, as a publishing professional, that I can think of to support your endeavor is by buying a copy. I'm headed to the Powell site right now! Congratulations!
336. Johanna said:
Ordered my copy from amazon yesterday! This will be a great read, I am so proud of you and all those that helped you accomplish this task.
337. Glenda J said:
Mine is coming in the mail and I am so excited I am squeeling already--grin! I hope to get it out to you to sign, after I've read it. Love your blog.
338. Undercover Mutha said:
If I lived closer to you, I would come and have you sign my chest at the signing. I'm sure it's been mentioned or asked before...what with 337 comments already, but mine are the biggest. Bigger than Brit's by a mile.
339. Boomer said:
My copy is on it's way from Amazon. I can't wait to read it! I've been reading your blog since the beginning.
340. Vivianne said:
It's great, congratulations. I've been reading dooce.com since forever and I'm thinking of buying a copy and mailing to you to get it signed, if it wouldn't be so much trouble!
341. Jill P. said:
Thanks to the crappy ass little town I live in I am still sitting here waiting for Amazon to bring me my own sweet little copy. I am sooo anxious. Can't wait to give my dad his copy for Father's Day too. Thanks for this Dooce. Your hard work will pay off. It always does.
342. Becca said:
I pre-ordered it but apparently so did a whole bunch of other people because O got a message this morning telling me it would get here between 05/07/2008 - 05/14/2008. How will I wait????
343. Lisa said:
three years....one beer? Very Funny!
344. ALF said:
Congratulations, Heather! I will put this on my list of books to read and I will continue running around telling people that "I want to be dooce when I grow up".
345. Emily said:
A book signing? Wow... it makes you sound so celebrity. Congratulations, Heather!
P.S. I'm sure your dad read the book while he was on the toilet before assigning it to prop duty.
346. Danielle said:
Congrats to you all! I just ordered one. You're probably going to need a mailbox the size of a large garbage can to hold all the requests for autographs.
:-)
347. Della said:
Will your book be available from your own website? Would like to purchase directly if it is.
348. Jill said:
Congrats, Heather! I am doing the cabbage patch in your honor. I just ordered a copy via Amazon and can't wait to read it!
349. Action Man said:
Don't wait around for your publisher to "send" you anywhere. Just like everyone, publishers are getting squeezed on money. If you want the book to sell, it sounds like you're going to have to get out there and take the book to the public using your own Visa card and frequent flyer miles.
I'm sure it's embarrassing as heck to do, but you must do it--not for yourself--but to spread the Gospel of Dooce.
350. HP said:
Congrats! I just ordered it and can't wait for it to get here.
Now, take a couple of deep breaths and start the next one!
351. Hippo Brigade said:
Bravo! Your book is going to kick a fair piece of ass.
352. Danielle said:
I pre-ordered my book months ago and it shipped yesterday. I CANNOT WAIT TO READ THIS. You are my constant source of entertainment.
353. gijyun said:
fyi - barnes and noble in downtown philly didn't have it in stock and said it wouldn't be available may 1st. :(
354. M. Leray said:
Congrats!! I can only imagine how excited you must be. I can't wait to check it out.
355. chica dificil said:
My father is the one man who has never let me down.
Looking forward to this read.
Chica Dificil
356. Susan said:
Can't wait for Amazon to ship my copy out. Congratulations!
357. sromeo said:
Heather, do you think you'll be doing a book signing in the New York area any time soon?
358. Marie said:
Hello,
I'm a new reader of your blog, found it through TheGirlWho, anyway... I'm now quite the avid reader and really enjoy your writings (planning on purchasing the book!) and photos...
your pictures are amazing! I love the ones of your dog, I would love to be able to take such good pictures of mine... If you don't mind me asking, what kind of camera do you have? or what trick do you use to not get that horrible reflection from their eyes?
Any info would be great! and keep up the great work!! :-)
359. Kate said:
I got an email today from Amazon saying they are shipping the book to me. Yay!
I'm so excited!
360. Amy in Ohio said:
Just purchased it from Amazon. Can't wait to read (after I gift it to husband of course). Yes, I'm that much of a giver.
361. Audrey said:
You're number 29 at Amazon.com in the HOT NEW RELEASES section!!!!
Yay! I can't wait to get my copy :)
It's silly but in a way, im proud of you.
362. Ciara said:
Congrats on the book but I was distracted by the LDS ad at the top of the page so I clicked it, thinking it was some kind of joke. But no! It actually took me right to the page where there are missionaries recording my IP address so they can send me Mormon spam. Lord help me!
363. Holly said:
Congratulations on your book!
364. Christy said:
Finally! I now have a plan for my stimulus check!
365. coryBasil said:
Congrats on the book...
and thanks for brightening the days of thousands who read you, myself included.
Godspeed.
Cory
366. michelle said:
Congradulations on the birth of your book. It's on the way to Canada to my home..then back to you for a signing and then back to me. So it will definately be flying!!
Thanks for always adding a smile into my day.
cheers,
367. Ruby said:
I went to get my copy of the book at Barnes & Noble and they said they wont have it until May 1. :(
On a side note, Congrats!
368. Ruby said:
I went to get my copy of the book at Barnes & Noble and they said they wont have it until May 1. :(
On a side note, Congrats!
369. loveMaegan said:
Congratulations! What a dream come true.
370. Sheila said:
Yahhoie! I just got the box from Amazon dropped on my desk. Dang, that was fast. Off to read it during my lunch....
371. Jaxon said:
I hope you are joking about your dad using your book to prop the toilet. That is really, really hurtful, if true.
Congrats on your book, hope it makes you a zillionaire.
372. Katwoman922 said:
I want a signed copy... can't wait.
373. Rich said:
If your dad's toilet needed TWO INCHES of propping up, then you shouldn't underestimate the extent to which your dad really needed your book.
374. Scatterbrain said:
That's amazing, well done! It must be very difficult to write about your relationship with your father - especially when he uses your book to prop up a wobbly toilet! Sounds very like my own dear dad.
I'm really looking forward to getting my copy.
Love your blog, only found it last week, but have already added it to my blog-roll.
Please keep 'em coming!
375. CindyM said:
Heather,
That is so cool. I can't wait to read the book. In fact I'm on my way to order it right now. :)
If it's half as entertaining as your blog I'll have a hard time putting it down.
Congrats!
376. Petit Elefant said:
That's absolutely fantastic. Congratulations. I might have to come to the Kings English just to snatch a peek at you in the flesh. No, I didn't mean it like that.
377. Ms. Single Mama said:
Congrats! I LOVE the cover and can't wait to read it.
Thanks to you many, many more Mommy bloggers might one day be authors. Is bacon falling from the sky yet? : )
Ms. Single Mama
378. Teri said:
So now you need to push for the audio book -- read by you. I want to hear your voice.
379. Christine said:
Good job Heather! My copy is on its way from Amazon and I look forward to reading it. I love your site and I am a loyal dooce fan for the past 2-3 years!
Cheers
380. Leon said:
* * * * * * * BLURBODOOCERY POPULARITY ALERT * * * * * * *
Hearty congratulations guys. I just picked up the last 2 copies of the new read in any of the 3 Orange County CA Barnes & Noble stores. They had to actually fetch it from the back. One for me (the Blurbodoocery fan) and one for the wife (the Defective Yeti fan). Something told me we wouldn't be able to wait for the other to finish it. We'd have purchased 100 if we could. You guys are a cause we happily support however we can.
We wish you all (yes, even Coco) continued success. Thanks so much for all the serious funny through the years.
One last thing. When the movie rights come through, don't forget about all the little people.
381. T. McArthur said:
I'm sorry to spoil all your fun, but the book looks dull and empty. Nothing to catch the reader. Maybe the author hasn't found themself.
382. Jamie said:
Congrats! I ordered one as soon as I read this post :)
383. Jonathon Morgan said:
Congratulations on all the success! Can't wait to read the new book. Knowing what a rabid fan my fiance is, I'm actually surprised we don't already have a copy to fight over.
384. Lester said:
Heather: My girl friend turned me on to your blog. I have two daughters who are now 25 & 28. Your wonderful stories about Lita take me back to the days when my girls were small. I laugh a lot and feel all warm and nostalgic. On the flip side I remember the parenting side and I admire you and John and your ability to let Lita be who she is. This is the most important part, she is lucky to have you.
Best of luck with the book. I'm going to buy one and then drive my car over it. NO NO NO. Yust a Yoke.
You have inspired me to start my own blog about my long and modestly successful business career. Who knows what might happen. Maybe I'll see you in Austin or at some other awards dinner sometime. Perhaps I could hold a door open for you.
Lester
385. SSD said:
Just ordered it...arriving Monday...can't wait!
386. Honey said:
Way to go! I can't wait to read it!
387. Anonymous said:
congrats heather. question: what's up with the powell's version of the cover showing a man's dress show and the amazon cover, converse?
388. Joanne said:
Hopefully you will read down this far! You are NOW officially my hero. Not for publishing the book, but for the comment about Angelina Jolie. Holy smokes, where do you get this stuff? Congrats girl!
389. Chelsea said:
Wow. Congratulations Heather!! I can't even imagine how amazing it would feel to have the book out there in people's homes. I'll be buying my copy from Amazon, unless it's going to be available in Australia?? Can't wait to read it.
390. Trevors Mom said:
I am so happy for the Armstrong Family. FINALLY some nice things are coming your way. What a beautiful family you have. I admire you and your honesty, your talent, your beauty and your ability to laugh at yourself. I am also envious of the admiration that you and your husband have for eachother. You are all so lucky to have eachother. However, your accent and pronunciation of many words is horrific and even that makes me happy because you don't get to be perfect in every way.
I predict huge super-stardom for you. I predicted same for J.K. Rowling WAY before anybody knew who Harry Potter was...
391. Stephanie said:
Congratulations - cannot wait to read your book! I really admire you - so glad that you do this thing you do.
392. SusannahS said:
You rock! (But you already know that) I can't wait to pick up a copy.
Congratulations~
393. Crys said:
Dear Heather,
please come to Pheonix so that I can see you and then proceed to scream like a little school girl because OMG ITS DOOOOOOOOOCCCCEEEEEEE!!!!
Sincerely,
Crys
PS, once I purchase my copy of your fantabulous book I will be mailing it to you for an autograph.
394. CJ said:
I tried to count the number of times people had written 'congrats' or 'congratulations' ... I got to 137 and stopped counting because my eyes were glazing over. I'll just say I'm jealous. Very. Very. Jealous. Damn.
395. dee said:
Kudos! Looking forward to many more books from you.
396. Jen said:
Mazel tov! I am soooo going to steal this idea but have it be about my mother (I'm sure THAT'S never been done!). Looking forward to reading it.
397. Sarah said:
Congratulations! Just ordered it. Can't wait to read it.
398. kalia said:
I find myself itching to see what you've been up to often ... though I've only been peeking into your world for a few weeks. I began an "athletic mom" blog many years ago, but since discontinued it to spend more time actually writing my best friends on an individual basis (through lots of texting and emails to get my writing fix).
Yes, I enjoy Heather, but am curious what the top reasons are ... that others reach out to touch her world as well. What truly is the greatest fascination ... especially as it appears she's cut down on the tell-all real personal provocative stuff (are you listening Heather? we want dirt ... just so we can know you, and consequently know ourselves better).
Thanks for sharing. And you validate me in my desire to tap the keyboard ... and the pie-in-the-sky dream of authoring a book feels more doable with your accomplishment in hand. Kudos.
399. Amy said:
Congrats Heather!
400. John Walker said:
So I grew up in England but left when I was 17 yrs old. I went to university over here (1993-97) in the USA (BYU, Utah) and then moved to Orange County Califonia to work - where I still reside because I like it here more than the UK. My question is this - if you dislike Mormonism why are you still living in Utah? If you were raised Catholic and didn't want to be Catholic anymore would you go and live in the Vatican? I don't get why you would stay in a place you don't like and just complain - life's too short - just move to where you are happy (away from Mormonville) and be happier with your life.
401. Jenn said:
Congratulations! :)
402. Rebecca said:
can't wait to read it... i am currently broke so i will urge my library to buy many copies of it haha
403. Kate said:
I am SO happy for you, Heather. I am picking my copy up this afternoon. Can you please please please come to NYC for a booksigning????
Congratulations again!
404. Tanya said:
At Borders, it's in the psychology/self-help section. I mean, I don't know where I expected it to be (parenting? humor? general?), but psychology wasn't it.
405. Amber Lyn said:
Congrats! I'm so excited to get my copy! And I have to say, I'm totally wearing my Dooce shirt today and it fits very nice. :-) Thanks for all that you do. You are amazing and it's so nice that there is someone out there publicly that I can relate so much to.
406. Ranger said:
I have two Barnes & Noble gift cards that are begging to be spent. What more noble way could I answer those cries than by buying a personal copy of: Things I Learned About My Dad (in therapy). Today? Today!
(I must love this site because normally I would reserve it at the library before purchasing a copy.)
407. Beverly said:
I pre-ordered this and received my copy yesterday -- not too shabby, considering I live in Sweden!
Once I'm done reading it, I just may take you up on that signing-plus-bonus deal.
(Oh, also ... do you have anything to do with choosing the "code words" I have to type in before my comment will post? My words this time were "appreciation" and "wives" -- curiously appropriate, for a site based in Utah. :D)
409. Alorinna said:
I'm planning to pick up a copy this weekend. Book store run!
410. Casey said:
I'm picking up your book today and can't wait to read it! I am perhaps even more excited to meet you in person at your book signing. I really hope you live up to all of my expectations because they are pretty high. No pressure.
411. Laura/DaPFG said:
Dear Heather,
BLARRRGH.
haha. just before lunch i was going through my Amazon Wish List and checking what books are available at my local store(i'm in a slow pursuit to purchase everything i have listed), and was surprised to see yours was there. But now i'm even more surprised to find out that i totally forgot it was JUST OUT, so yay. now i have to forgo the Keri Smith book and buy a damn copy of yours instead. *le sigh* the things we do for you....
*giggle*
good luck, chickie!!
412. Shelly said:
just checked Amazon.. I should get my book tommrow!!! Yea!!!!
413. Christine said:
@John Walker - Utah has a lot to offer besides Mormons. I'm an exlds and I would totally pick Utah as a place to live. It has amazingly gorgeous scenery and if I'm not mistaken, one reason Heather lives there is to be near family. And I really don't think she hates Mormons. But what did that post have to do with the book release anyway? Maybe I missed something in the other comments. :)
414. Unrequited Life said:
I am SO happy to announce that as of yesterday, I am officially an owner of your awesome book! Granted, B&N didn't even have copies out on the shelves yet, but the gal at the desk was kind enough to fish me one out of the back. *smile* I've only gotten as far as the introduction, but so far, I'm feeling like it was the best $20 I've spent in a while! Thank you for taking the time, and for gathering together so many wonder folks to be a part of this!