Exclamation point, long overdue edition
To set the tone for this installment I think it's safe to assume that each one of these pieces of mail was written late at night a few minutes after the author had taken a shit in his adult diaper, and after he hit the SEND button he went merrily back to picking the lint out of his belly button and then feeding it to his fish.
First up, one from Kent:
I have no interest in popular things, and find that people who like popular things are lame. But I was so bored one day that I had no choice but to click over and read your website. I guess it wasn't that bad, but why do you think it is so interesting to balance things on your dog's head? It is not interesting. In fact, it's dumb. And stupid. I've never been so bored looking at a photo of a dog in my life.
So, if I'm reading that one correctly, Kent regularly urinates into a porcelain gravy bowl and then pours it into his coffee because it tastes like honey. And one day he got bored of braiding his underarm hair, stumbled across my website, and developed an opinion about whether or not it is officially interesting to balance objects on the head of a canine. I was not aware that it was necessary to have an opinion on that subject, and have somehow lived my life not knowing that I had to take sides. This makes me sad when I consider all those hours I could have spent staring angrily at photos of dogs with blenders on their heads, when instead I just turned off my computer and walked away.
This next one is from Alana:
I read about you letting your daughter eat her own hair. You must dissuade her from doing this. Why are you not stopping her? Oh, that's right, that would require actual parenting and stuff.
Oh wait, this is called parenting? Because when they sent me home from the hospital with a baby I thought they said, "Have fun partying!"
Reader Krista also had some interesting advice:
Leta has inherited a very large forehead from you. You shouldn't pull her hair back so far as it only accentuates the 5-head. Letting her hair down is far more flattering and might keep kids from picking on her about it when she gets older.
Do you think that when Krista masturbates she's lying there thinking about her organized collection of Waterford Crystal, how it sits perfectly in a glass cabinet in the foyer and she never lets her husband touch it? Because that makes me so hot just thinking about it.
Here's a thoughtful letter from a reader named Ashlee:
I went to your site today and I think it really stinx. Your really bad at writing. and being a good person. and u cant even teach you kid how to act like a normal person. And your really not civelized at all. Stop being a lazy ass women who takes up space and get a real job why dont u get a real job!!! your really gay. I can like smell ur stupidness from my own house and guess what! i live far away in cali. u dont even worship god. and pray and stop dissing mormons. and ppl who ACTUALLY BELIEVE IN THE RITE THING. CUZ YOUR GUNNA ROT IN HELL YOU STUPID,,,
luv ashlee NOT,,,,, cuz I dont luv you,, I HATE YOU and I want u to answer to this or else our a lame. pathetic pussy,
That collection of commas almost gave me a seizure, because I kept pausing, and then just when I thought it was time to stop pausing I had to pause again. I don't appreciate being teased like that.
Also do you get the feeling that while Ahslee was writing this email she was all, "THANK GOD for the wireless modem, because it makes it so easy to surf World Wide Internet Blog sites from the toilet I have been sitting on for two years."
This next one is from Agnes:
Condolences for your miscarriage might be in order if you didn't make a career out of thumbing your nose at God.
Thank you, Agnes, for proving once and for all that religious fanatics aren't total douchebags. And it's so true, if Jesus saw a pregnant woman who had fallen to the ground, he'd surely walk up and kick her in the stomach. I remember that teaching specifically.
A reader named Nomen writes:
What's amazing to me is that with all of your history of mental illness and your problems with parenting that you would even consider having another child.
What miracle will happen that will make a new child perfect enough for you not to hate it??
What miracle will happen that will make you a sane mother??
None.
Go have yourself another drink and double your prescription for birth control pills.
Oh, I forgot. You make money off of the kid you have.
That's a good reason for having another one, I suppose, if you're you and fucking insane.
Do the world a favor and don't bring a child into the world knowing it will be mentally ill and mentally handicapped as you are.
Well, this one seems a little harsh, doesn't it? And I know that many of you out there have identified with this website because of the struggles that I went through after Leta was born, and if someone said something like this to you it would infuriate you, and I can understand wanting to feel that way. And if anyone ever does say something like this to you here's what you need to remember: the person who wrote this email is no different than the old lady standing in line behind you at the supermarket, the one who smells like moth balls, and she's peering into your shopping cart trying to see what you're buying, and when she sees that you've got a frozen TV dinner in there she's making all sorts of judgments about you and assuming that in your free time you download porn. Using a stolen credit card.
And if you stick around to watch her pay for her food and walk to her car you'd see her muttering to herself under her breath the entire time, and almost all of those mutters would be punctuated with multiple exclamation points and question marks, and by the time she gets the keys out to unlock the door her orange nylons have pooled into doughnuts around her ankles. And you'd feel sorry for her knowing that she's going home to an empty house and will probably fall asleep watching an episode of "Deal or No Deal." And you'd kind of just want to give her a hug.
Next up, one from someone who calls himself sb700:
I think you are the autistic one in your family!!!
Translation: "My mom grounded me and won't let me play Wii!!!" And he's down there in his basement bedroom in his "DON'T HASSEL THE HOFF" tee shirt wiping the goo from a zit on his pillow. Because no one is there to notice.
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
601. Taylor said:
Oh dear Jebus! It was all I could do not to take out a red Sharpie and scrawl all over my computer screen correcting the terrible mistakes that Ashlee made. My right eye is going to be twitching for the rest of the day. THANKS.
Whatevs. You're hilarious and entertaining and when you open comments you get 600 in 15 hours. Those people have dried up souls and loins, I'm sure of it.
602. Lisa said:
Dear Ashlee,
As requested, an answer -
A few things to note:
1) You're = You are / Your = belongs to you
2) It is never acceptable to begin a sentence with AND, OR, or BUT.
3) All sentences should begin with a capitalized word.
4) The period is right next to the comma on your keyboard, learn the difference.
5) When asking a question, the correct punctuation should be a '?', not a '!'
6) F7 = Spellcheck. Try it.
7) Kudos on spelling "believe" correctly. That's a tough one for a lot of people!
I'm not really sure what the message she was trying to send was as it is quite difficult to actually pay attention to, what with the effort required to correct it whilst reading. Seems to me that if you skip over all of the poor grammar and misspelled words you end up with a really big fan who's house smells stupid, admits to being gay and wants you to respond to her so she doesn't feel like a lame, pathetic pussy.
She thinks you can fix her, how sweet! You really are awesome with powers like that. Fixing stupid and whatnot...
603. char said:
Good grief, someone buy these wankers a sense of humor.
604. Katie said:
So. Wow. I've been reading for a while, so the freakshow parade posting doesn't surprise me, but I continue to be awed by people. Awed by the fact that:
1. They could read you and so willfully misunderstand (or be too stupid to understand) what your posts about Leta are about.
2. They could be so horrid to someone who's had a miscarriage. Oh wait, it's in the name of God, so I guess it's okay. THERE'S one reason not to go to church. (not that everyone's like that, blah blah..)
3. Their lives are so small, they have to take the time to comment about the act of balancing stuff on Chuck's head. Geez--at least go find some porn to look at or something, cause it's not the photos that are boring, it's obviously your life, freakshow commenter.
4. And...get a job? Are they mad? Are they just too stupid to realize they're supposed to be ENVIOUS that you can make your living writing thoughtful, humorous blog posts and balancing things on Chuck's head? Oh wait....
605. Jess said:
It is slightly disconcerting that people would take time out of their day to actually try and make someone feel like crap. On purpose.
On a lighter note, my office mate (who knows I am typing this, as she dared me to) actually DOES have an abnormally large forehead. She believes you two might be sisters separated at birth.
606. Jess said:
What a bunch of fucktards. The comments about Leta and the miscarriage were totally uncalled for and down right mean. So much for being good Christian people.
607. Terry D said:
Heather,
I have been reading your page for about two years. I have coffee and my daily Dooce to start my day. Keep doing what you do. You are wonderful! I am happy you are able to use your great sense of humor even in the face of these pathetic people.
608. elena said:
I never commented but feel compelled to do it now.
I want to express my greatest appreciation for your coping with hatemail so greatly. It would make me so scared and depressed to receive such an amount of sneer and stupidity in my mailbox, I'd probably want not to touch it anymore, not even with a stick.
Anyway i suspect that the support and appreciation you get from readers easily overwhelms these sad bunch of bullshit. I'm sending my love right now, very strongly, and I think this will shoot down at least three or four harsh comments. Hugs.
609. Lass said:
Wow! All those helpful hints on how to better your writing, parenting and life skills. And you didn't even have to ask for it! The internet RAWKS!!!111!!! In other words, never underestimate the ability of the ball-less to speak out when they know there is no chance they'll be called on their shit. Sadly for them, all they really do is provide unintended yuks for the rest of us. Thanks for sharing those!
610. Krysta said:
I cannot believe that people write such awful things to you. If they don't like what you have to say they can choose to not read your website. I personally love your blog and am glad you don't go get a real job.
611. Erika said:
When I had little money to give (back in 2003)I decided that I needed to donate to Dooce for the very reason that your website is the one thing that I checked every day FOR PLEASURE. And it only made sense that I provide some compensation for the talent, heart, wit, and beauty that you create and show through what you do.
I wear my Dooce shirt with pride. And I can't wait for your books to come out. My husband thinks I am nuts ~ but he loves me the way I am, and I love reading/seeing your work. Thank you for never failing to share your life with us unknown masses. Very few have the strength and ability to do what you do.
Yea Dooce!
612. Josh said:
Dude,
How do you keep from going postal? I believe that I would be tempted to pack up the dooce.com website or at the least turn off the comments.
People can be a real arse when they have the blanket of anonymity. Not that they need to be anonymous to jerks.
Glad you don't do what I would be tempted to do.
613. Mary said:
Just for the record, Leta and her mother have perfectly formed foreheads and beautiful hairstyles. The internet is a silly silly place. Thank goodness.
You know that commercial with the dad on a business trip who takes pictures with his daughter's bear? That commercial always reminds me of you guys. I betcha they based it on you. Seriously.
If, in the background, there was a very dignified deer-dog with a puppy (with beautiful orange eyebrow tufts) attached to his neck-- that would be absolute proof.
614. Jaidnoire said:
Wow almost 600 comments - I'm clearly not about to say anything new here. Amazing to see how many people you've touched, Heather. Please continue to find the humor in these emails from the lowest element and continue to grace us with your wonderful writing.
I just came across your blog last month and tore through the archives - I'm dealing with chronic depression and PPD. Your battle has been inspiring.
Much love to you, Leta, Jon, Chuck and Coco!
615. Jaidnoire said:
Oh! and someone above mentioned the possibility of a book sighting and I swear, I got a little dizzy thinking about it! Please visit NYC again!
616. Sal said:
Holy crap. I am not as brave as you are-- most of those comments would have made me feel like crying. It is amazing how rude, insensitive, and mean people can be when they don't have to look you in the eye.
And I'm a Catholic, so some people would consider me *non-Christian* as well, but MY God doesn't punish people with miscarriages!! WTF. These people need to go to anger management classes!!
617. Rachael said:
You, as my students say, ROCK.
618. jen said:
I wish I had known you at BYU. At least then maybe I would have had one friend there. I think that you and I were the only normal people on campus. Love your website (and so glad that i found it).
619. Mary said:
Heather, I've been reading your site since BEFORE you lost your job, all those years ago. It's the one site I check every single day. I'm sorry you have to deal with such nutjobs. Just know there are a lot of us out here who are somewhat normal, who think you're just fine.
If there's nothing else I've learned in my old age (50!), don't let the idjits get to you. They aren't worth your time or effort. But keep posting the emails, b/c your replies sure are entertaining!
620. Marie said:
Heather, I just want to say your the best. Enough said : )
621. Nicole said:
I've been reading your blog for over a year now and I can say with confidence that you are interesting, kind-hearted, crazy-fun and have a talent for creating uniques turns of phrase. In summation---"You Rock!" So, don't let the bastards get you down. (:
If you ever (for whatever reason) find yourself in Jackson, Mississippi---I'll feed you fried chicken and "the amazing martinis of much happiness" and we will proceed to dance with our noodly appendages on effigies of the navel-lint pickers.
Blessings!
622. Erin said:
Hi Heather,
I am just so glad you can maintain some level of dignified perspective on this. And yes, dignified does include masturbating to Waterford Crystal, especially when it's written so well. I sincerely hope that you are keeping your head afloat, I really enjoy reading your blog, and I pray nightly that these people enjoy ticks on their private parts up in the hills of wherever they write from.
x erin
623. Robin said:
Heather,
Reading your site affirms for me that heaping a big pile of laughter on those who hate individuality is the way to go.
You are brilliant and an inspiration and most importantly honest to yourself and about yourself.
Carry on.
-Robin
624. carrie said:
the lameness of these idiot's kills me. you're awesome. carry on.
625. Melissa Story said:
you are freaking hilarious.
626. Johnny said:
I really wish I could laugh at the hate mail today (especially the error-ridden message from Ashlee), but for some reason it just makes me sad to know that people like that actually DO exist.
What a bunch of E-tards.
627. Ashley said:
Where do these people come from?! Seriously where?!
628. JMB said:
Ok, I just have to say that Ashlee's comment is the GREATEST THING ON THE ENTIRE INTERNET. Ever. You suck, you had sex with a man for a kid and are therefore gay, you're stupid and ugly and need a real job and need to stop insulting other religions. Remember, god loves you! ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,pussy.
I wish I got hate mail that articulately written.
629. Stephanie D said:
OK I laughed when I read the first email. Then I got to the one about your miscarriage - how incredibly hateful, especially under the guise of christianity. :(
I really dislike people who "hate others" in the name of God. My God is a kind, loving deity who loves all the people on earth (even if they have large foreheads). LOL!
Heather, you keep doing what you are doing. I love your blog, your humor and your stories! Thanks for sharing your lives with all of us here in cyberspace.
630. jet said:
this is so awesome. and by so awesome, i mean, "effing phenomenal".
hugs from GA :-)
631. Michelle said:
It is so hard to believe that people do not get your humor. Thank you for the daily laughs.
632. Angela said:
You go girl!! Isn't it obvious that you are a fantastic mother in the way that you lovingly have trained Chuck to pose for the camera all these years? And Leta? My 4-year-old daughter is EXACTLY THE SAME, so obviously I'm a great mother too. I have enjoyed your blog immensely and your ovaries ;) to tell it like it is.
633. Bronwen said:
Wow, people have a lot of time on their hands. I love that Chuck balances stuff on his head. Leta is gorgeous and, as someone who also has a large forehead, she should take it as sign that she is smarter than those who might make fun of her. When I found out I had lost my child bearing ability, I too was told it was related to my lack of faith. I have a hard time believing that God wants to punish you (or me) when there are, oh I don't know, serial killers, terrorists, lying District Attornies (a Utah thing), and child molesters out there to worry about.
634. Kristan said:
Oh my, people can be quite rude, can't they?
Well, I'm not sure being rude back is the best response, but then again, I'm not sure I would be able to hold back either if I were in your shoes.
Unfortunately for many of us, I can now understand why comments are mostly turned off. :\
For what it's worth, I just started reading a week or so ago, and I LOVE the pictures of Chuck. And I greatly admire (and aspire to) your ability to convey humor. Clearly you're doing something right, because you've got a ton of readers, and a beautiful daughter and family, and these people don't have anything better to do than harass you.
629 good vibes for you so far. I'm happy to be #630. :)
- Kristan
635. Traci said:
Mean people suck. A lot.
Stupid mean people suck even more.
Stupid mean people with no grasp of the English language just irritate me.
Heather - you rock. And the morons who post stupid shit, well...they are just jealous. And stupid. And there is a special place in the seventh level of hell for Agnes.
636. Maxine Dangerous said:
What is WITH people??? How can people be so mean?? If you don't like the blog, DON'T READ IT. Wow, that was simple. Way to go, Dooce. SOME of us like you. :)
637. Amy said:
I love this blog (it' the only one I read on the 'net') and am very grateful you choose to share your life in such an honest and comical nature. Congrats on your awards. They are well deserved!
638. Rachel said:
I usually love your exclamation point entries--but holy heck, the vitriol this time around. I am agog at Agnes. I think she probably doesn't know the God she thinks she is sticking up for. I'm pretty sure Jesus loves you. :)
I'm so glad that you are able to deal with this type of hate with such wonderful humor--and even compassion! :)
For what it's worth, you're definitely one of my heroes. And just reading your other readers comments shows how much you have touched so many people's lives with your honesty and beautiful writing.
639. Jennie said:
AH Mistress Attention how I worship at thy feet! It takes a Big person to insult a child on a blog. There will be a special place in hell for them. Heather your blog makes me shake with laughter sometimes so much so that my poor husband can't sleep as I sit with the laptop on my belly and read through your archives late at night. Your daughter is gorgeous. Thank you for this blog and the 1 paragraph perspective on your life. I am a stay-at-home-mom I appreciate the ability to live someone else's life even for a paragraph.
640. Memphislis said:
Mean people suck. I know that saying has been turned into a sticker and all, but the fact that it is a tired cliche does not make it less true. Suck it, mean internet people.
641. Danielle said:
The miscarriage comment... I just... there are no words.
Do people really think that while they sit there at their computers spewing hate in the name of religion, that God is peering down at them saying: "yes, yes, great work! They totally get it - Christianity is about persecution and intolerance. And idiocy."
Bravo, fanatics. No, really. We need more 'people' like you in the world, spreading the hate.
Just don't use religion as an excuse for your bigotry.
642. Apolskis said:
Ha what retards.
Someone *cough Ashlee cough* sounds like they're jealous.
643. Leah said:
Why? WHY? WHY????? are there so many crazies out there that are allowed to interact with normal people? Your website is great. I love Chuck and Coco fighting/wrestling. I love Chuck balancing. I love Chuck cross-dressing. I love...DOOCE. By the way, Leta is beautiful.
644. LenaMoon said:
Every morning sitting in my office I look through your blog. And I LOVE IT, Heather. Every picture, every post, everything you do. I just don't understand why all these people read your blog if they don't like it?! Why they write all these stupid letters?? In Russia we say - if someone meddle with other people's lives, he doesn't have his own life!
in-love-with-dooce, Lena
Russia
645. Anne Lindenfeld said:
Goodness, there are a lot of nuts out there! No wonder Bush could convince so many people that it was actually OK to invade a country 'cause they are darn A-rabs.
I hope your book makes lots and lots of money, so you can hire someone named Spike to read your emails and delete the nut-job ones for you.
Hang in there and keep writing. You are wonderful.
646. Molly said:
Keep up the good work! We sane people love what you do.
647. MizzTissa said:
Heather, long time listener, first time caller.
(So to speak)
Some of the mail you've received is surprisingly impressive, for the lobotomized sacks of shit that wrote them.
We all know the haters make a career of going around trying to convince others they're as intelligent as they've convinced themselves.
Most likely they're angry that the late Nigerian finance minister's son did not send the check as promised or something like that.
You should have a special name for these people. Maybe... Dooce's Douchebags ?
Little do they know that they are fuel for what you do best - tearing them a new one. Keep it up!
648. Navi said:
take that last one, that you are the autistic one, as a compliment ;)
and wow. I should never have had 3 kids. what with my husband's bipolar disorder. omg!!! the chances of having a child with the same disorder are slightly increased!!! All human beings must be free of disability and 'normal'! to not be normal is torture! we should sterilize anyone that isn't normal!
Okay, my little bout of sarcasm is done. :)
I've emailed you this, but I've found strength from your blog from reading a woman's perspective of depression. It helps me to understand my husband a bit better...
649. dewi said:
Heather,
This is one of my favorite features, the crazy letters from your "fans".
Can you create a special link on top?
;-)
Congratulations on your well deserved awards.
When my daughter was in Elementary school she refused to eat anything but american cheese on whole wheat pita bread, and a thermos of water.
This was for six years the only food she ate at lunchtime. Dinner was not much different. Teachers thought I had something to do with this choice of food.
650. Bree said:
I would like to call you the keeper of my sanity.
YOU ROCK ON...
651. Amy said:
Wow, there really is a huge difference between people who get paid to stay home and write wildly entertaining stuff on the interwebs, and people who apparently live in their parents' creepy basements and stay home and write shit on the interwebs all day for nothing.
That difference is class. Keep on keepin' on dooce.
652. Andria said:
You. Freaking. Rock.
653. Simone said:
Heather, you are fabulous. But I believe you must already know this. You just have to! However, if you have a day or a moment where you forget, this comment here is a simple reminder.
Thank you for sharing all you do. You brighten the light in a lot of dull settings. Cheers to you!!!
654. Kim said:
It's been said 600+ times but here's another one - your blog is fantastic, I read it daily, and eff the haters.
655. Autumn said:
I haven't read through all the comments, so if I repeat something already said, I apologize. Hopefully it'll be ok if I don't use too many commas. :)
People hate you because you are 100% real. You say what you mean, and that's scary for some. They also hate you for the very things they rant about- you have an adorable child, a good marriage (one that you admit actually does need work, and that you work on every single day) and cute dogs- one of whom stands patiently and allows objects to be balanced on his noggin for pics. I'd say at least half of the people commenting negatively are pissed off because their damn dogs won't allow things balanced on their heads,and therefore they are forced to make do with average pet photos.
I've been reading your site since my last baby was born, and it helped push me through some stuff that may very well have been a hell of a lot harder without seeing that somewhere out there someone got it. Someone else had actually had those days, those thoughts- I wasn't alone, or a terrible person, etc.Someone else's husband got those calls at work, too.
I applaud that you've had enough balls to be as open about everything as you have, and that you have enough steel in your spine to laugh these assholes off and keep doing what you do. It's obvious jealousy when they're picking on your kid's forehead- really, who does that shit?
Anyway (this comment has turned into a novel), thank you for being you. For staying you, and not changing yourself for the wackos on the internet. And screw them- they choose to read, to look for something to say. So obviously they're enjoying you a litle, right?
Autumn
656. Kelly said:
I've been reading your blog for a few months and I love it! I have a three year old and a one year old. I polish their horns every day - as all good moms should. I have depression and Mormon inlaws (they polish their own horns). I've miscarried too. I love dogs. Your writing inspires me to want to write too.
The way you say things captures some of the exact same feelings I have when dealing with my life. My brain actually did bounce on the floor one day too. I was saddened that people had things like that to say to you. It felt like they were saying them to me.
Thank you for sharing your life! Not just for the time, effort, technical skills, money, but for having to deal with people like that behind the scenes. Keep up the good work!
657. RegularMom said:
Dooce,
I lost twin boys at 22 weeks gestation. People who haven't been through a pregnancy loss have NO FUCKING IDEA what it's like. Assholes like Agnes are always looking for a reason to blame the mother. Makes me wonder about HER mother.
Screw 'em all, I say. What this world needs is MORE of Dooce, and more little Dooce-lets.
BTW: My youngest daughter has a HUGE HEAD. They did an MRI on her at 12 months just to make sure she was okay, her head was so big. And she's fine. She's just got this Really Big Cranium. To hold in her brilliance.
Leta looks and sounds perfect to me.
Thanks for the laughs.
658. katie said:
Agnes and her comment "Condolences for your miscarriage might be in order if you didn't make a career out of thumbing your nose at God" represent everything that is wrong with this country. Keep writing and don't let these tools get you down. Your writing is funny, clever, well-written and honest.
659. Jan said:
Thanks for keeping this one open for comment so that we can show our support for you. You're Wabi!
660. Larak said:
I like your site.
661. Sol said:
It is a victory to know that such idiotic people hate you. If they loved you, you'd have to think you're doing something wrong.
Heather, you're way too good...why you didn't publish their emails? Many of us would surely love to give some love back. hee
662. Johanna said:
Dear Heather.
It hurt my eyes to read this hate mail. Your site is the most fun, beautiful, and honest.
You are the mother to a beautiful child. And you are an excellent writer.
Keep them posts coming!!
J.
663. Leanne said:
Eh, screw them!
Maybe they're secretly jealous that their dogs can't balance things on their heads.
And also, since you're the 5th most powerful blogger in the world, they can put that in their pipe and smoke it!
664. Chad said:
Jealousy.
665. LT said:
Dooce,
I am 57 years YOUNG and I get the biggest kick out of your website every day. I absolutely love your wit. (must be all those drugs from the 60's).
I am also a successful business woman and thank GOD I don't take it all too seriously. I hope for you continued success 100 times over. (and keep that tongue in your cheek and that medication on the shelf and a big ass smile all the way to the bank)
Probably your oldest fan!!!
LT
666. Anonymous said:
The emails from this hate mail cycle seemed particularly vicious. Jerks. I'm sure you won't get this far - hell, I only read to the bottom of the first page, comment 300 - but I just wanted to reaffirm what everyone else has been saying.
1. I adore your writing, your blog, your everything.
2. People are fucktards sometimes.
You're an amazing woman, writer, mother, wife, and you've saved more lives with your blog (and I mean that quite literally) than you will ever know. You've also figuratively saved my life more than once, but I'm not sure if you know truly how many people you have helped. It's a lot. A LOT.
667. Tom in Indiana said:
sometimes you are pretty self-indulgent and disrespectful, but you're always entertaining.
which reminds me of everyone I have ever met (except for about 5 or 6 saintly individuals) minus the entertaining part.
thanks for the site.
668. Leesavee said:
Hey, Agnes...may I politely suggest that you read the Gospels and notice how tolerant Jesus was?
Heather, you ROCK! And I bet that none of the people who send you hate mail were valedictorians. In fact, they could use some remedial spelling and grammar classes.
Also, I love it when you balance things on Chuck's head. Leta is BEAUTIFUL, you are artistic (not autistic) and Jon is an awesome guy. Thank you for inviting us into your little corner of the universe.
669. Amber said:
People are morons. I love the one who tells you you can't write, I'm not even going to count the spelling and grammar mistakes...
But that miscarriage comment was so far out of line it's not even remotely funny. What the hell is wrong with people! She had no right to say that to you and I apologize on her behalf for being such a fucking idiot.
Love you!
Amber
670. Rachel said:
You are one tough lady Heather, because I don't know that my shiny impression of humanity could hold up after getting letters like these.
671. Jaime said:
Thank you for sharing. I needed the laugh this morning. It's amazing how ignorant some people are. They can't even spell or use proper grammar (that should have been learned by the 6th grade.)
672. Cornelia said:
For some reason, the statement from Krista really bothers me a lot. Not that the others aren't even more outrageously obnoxious. But there's something wrong about her telling you how to groom your childs hair. And the religious nut commenting about your miscarriage is a total idiot. I also agree that this batch of idiot letters seems to be particularly harsh and or brutal. So when do we get to see coco balancing things on her head??? Not that I haven't stopped adoring Santa's Little Helper- oops I meant Chuck.
673. Liz said:
Wow. These people are special. With a capital S. And a whole lotta "pecial". Your reactions are full of win. I commend you.
674. sara said:
what a bunch of assholes. thank you for sharing their stupidity so we can laugh at them; i hope it's therapeutic for you. shitnecks.
675. nashvegas said:
Yep. Real Christian attitude among some of these morons out there.
Love your blog, Love you.
676. Malinda said:
I am amazed that so many people who "Hate your website" still feel the need to read it all the time and to leave you comments. I am sorry that so many people feel the need to say mean things to people for no reason except to remind them how superior they are. I wonder how you were able to win all those awards? Maybe it is because you are a really great writer with wit and good punctuation skills. You rock girl. The fact that you are willing to share how you really feel about things it what makes your writing so real and so funny. Keep going on and ignore those pimple poppers! P.S. I think you are a really good Mom.
677. Melissa said:
WOW! I'll tuck this into my ever-growing "What the HELL is wrong with people???" file.
Keep doing what you do, Heather. We love you.
678. Kelly said:
I seriously don't understand these people and their complete inability to understand and appreciate good humor and good writing...I love that you call them out on their douchebagginess.
679. LynzM said:
Wow, Heather. The vitriol of people who assume that your fertility has anything to do with belief in god is amazing. I wonder how many christians they know who've had miscarriages. Man, it makes me angry for you, how absurd that kind of logic is. Thanks for sharing everything that you do... :)
680. Kristin said:
I think you should send each of those mean posters a box of twinkies ... because twinkies make everything better. Except for Ashlee, send her a set of "hooked on phonics" tapes.
681. Hannah said:
I'm a Christian and your blog is practically my homepage. I don't think God felt vindicated in any way when you lost a baby, and I get incredibly pissed off when people give God the "credit" when human beings suffer. Maybe these people are just sad they have no Bloggie Awards to cuddle with on those cold winter nights.
682. Stacie said:
What kind of person do you have to be to harbor that kind of hate and bile for a person you have never met and whose life you have CHOSEN to read about? If I were you, I am pretty sure I would never have the balls to check my email.
683. Sarah said:
It's almost as though they felt reading your blog was somehow mandatory. The funny thing about optional things is that by definition you can opt not to do them. I've stopped by any number of stupid, obnoxious, or worthless websites in my lifetime, and when I have determined to my satisfaction that they are stupid, obnoxious, or worthless, I simply stop reading them. It would be utterly futile to inform the proprietors of said sites that they are stupid, obnoxious, or worthless, because they don't care what I think. No more than Nomen, Ashlee, and the rest of the brain trust cares what I think.
The world is full of websites. Visit the ones you like, and ignore the rest. Too easy.
684. John Dickerson said:
This is a great public service to those of us who think our email is harsh and to any of us who might let our stockings droop.
685. zalaine said:
After my 56 years here, I have come to fully believe that at any given time 20% of the people who also live here, will think ANYTHING and that causes them to do or write in said manor. Amazing when you think about it - really amaZing...
686. Blue said:
You read about the lady on the toliet for 2 years, too! Wasn't that the most insane thing ever?!
I think your blog is fantastic.
687. Stacy said:
Heather,
You and your family are beautiful, funny, and REAL. Unlike these emailing freaks who have their panties in a bundle over who knows what. It's definitely not you - it's them. I feel sorry for them all.
688. Heather said:
Damn, girl I'm so sorry that your family has to endure vitriolic crap from such total asswipes. It is nice to see all the comments from completely sane and normal people to help balance out the total wackos.
Your writing is amazing, almost as amazing as your ability to delve so completely and honestly into the details of your life. Thanks for sharing.
I love you, and I mean that in a gay way. ;-)
689. Janie said:
Oh Heather you're the best. You are so calm and cool about it, you can see the humor...I am crying and want to go to each one of their homes and slowly cut off each of their typing fingers and stick them up their own a**holes! Argghhhh!!!!!!!! (yes, eight...that's 8!...exclamation points!)
You don't need me to tell you of course, but from what I've seen you are a good caring and much loved mother, wife, daughter, storyteller, writer, human being and WE love you too. How many people could say they make a million others look forward to dropping in for a smile or laugh each day. LOL a day without Dooce is like a day without sunshine (okay so that's beyond cheesy but whatever…it’s true!) How many people could make so many others whom you've never met, genuinely care...not only about you, but about your family. I know that I wasn't the only one out there sending love and prayers for Leta's tests to come out right, for her walking issues to get worked out, for you to get well quickly, etc. Though we’ll most likely never meet I feel like all of you are my favorite neighbors who live down the street…I care and worry about you all. That is not something that just anyone can accomplish...you are a special person to be able to be SO honest, to reach out and make people understand and relate to you good, bad or ugly. Pffft….take a look at how many people have written in to support you! Almost 700 comments in 10 hours!
Okay...shutting up now. You don't need to hear me rant and rave for 10 more pages about stupid ass people who have nothing better to do than write (I use that term loosely) shit about things they profess not to care about?! WTF? They seem to have a lot of f'cking knowledge about something they hate so vehemently!! Please do not let ANY of those stupid idiots make you think even one bad thought for even one millisecond of your time. They are scary ass fools. The only thing scarier than their stupidity, is that they are allowed to vote!
690. Christina said:
You put the cool in pissed off - seriously...you are so collected in the face of absolute idiots - who I can't believe by the way, think it's okay to send comments like that! You are the Zen master at this! And everybody is right - it's jealousy! These complete mormons - sorry I meant morons - live in their drab boxed lives and just aren't brave enough to indulge in their own individuality or color outside the lines – in a word they are joyless, and how tragic is that! I think you should post all of the shitty comments you’ve gotten in the last year…and we’ll have a fund raiser to buy these miserable idiots lap dances – we’ll organize it as a non-profit organization and use the left over money to buy chuck more tasty treats….
691. K said:
You're perfect. Okay, not perfect b/c that would be extreme but you are the creative mind behind a site I can't stop reading. Your writing is fantabulously funny & you make me laugh those good bellyache, 13 yr old girl, pants wetting kinds of laugh which is just what I need when I'm trapped at work. Holy furry monkey fire funny. Which in layman's terms means extremely amusing. Never stop.
692. Maranda said:
The giraffe is the world's tallest animal.
It is quite possible that you are the world's tallest dooce.
693. Shane said:
The most interesting thing about your blog is that Leta and my daughter Hannah are almost the exact same person. So I totally understand where you are coming from in your stories. I find it humorous that people are calling you a bad mother, when every picture and video I see of you and Leta seems to be very HAPPY. I think what is important in being a parent is that the child knows they are loved by their parents. I feel that Leta means the world to you, and I feel that you mean the world to Leta.
Their are a lot of IDIOTS in the world. I've always found it funny when people spread HATE and they attack people and try to hurt them emotionally when they hear them speak negatively about God or their church. When what they are doing goes against EVERYTHING they "supposedly" believe. Thus making them a HUGE hypocrite.
I often times question why you speak negatively about mormons, but I understand where it is coming from, especially when you read some of the interactions with people you have had. Seeing as how I'm sure this happens to you on a regular basis. It's sad when people tell you that you are having a miscarriage because you speak ill towards God & religion. So what about those people like my mother who had two miscarriages who has always been an active member in our church? Also I have had a handful of close friends who have had to endure miscarriages that are also God fearing people?????
694. jessica said:
as the mother of a daughter, it breaks my heart to see that people would stoop so low as to criticize Leta. She's a beautiful girl, and you and Jon are wonderful parents. People really need to get a fucking life. I'm glad you can take in all in stride and maintain your fabulous sence of humor, I can't say I would be so strong.
695. Erin said:
Even though you've got so much already, I'm sending the love.
Keep on, keeping on.
696. Jen said:
you are completely awesome.
your writing has helped and comforted a lot of people. not to mention its sincere and funny and i look forward to reading it.
and im pretty positive, that like i feel about my mom.
leta is gonna grow up thinking her mom is not only awesome and better then other moms but a total bad ass.
best!
697. Sarah said:
I'm glad that you're able to make fun of these idiots ... don't change a thing about yourself or your blog. I look forward to reading it daily. Anybody who talks shit about Chuck deserves to be kicked in the balls. Hard. And it's not cool to dis your family either.
Summary: You are awesome. People love you. Keep up the great work.
698. geekbride said:
Don't listen to those assholes.
Theys ignorent (said in white trash accent as I'm sure they all are)
699. Heather said:
Hey Heather,
If it is any consolation, I too am going to rot in hell! Must be the "Heather" name.
Wanna be my roomie?
700. lowoolo said:
I stumbled onto your blog about a month ago and I was AMAZED that I hadn't found it before. Especially since a huge majority of my time is wasted on the internet, specifically on blogs...most of them inferior to this one.
I, like the "readers" (can Ashlee actually read?) mentioned in your post, am often filled with anger when I read your blog. Mostly, anger at the shitty set of coincidences that forced me to a) live nowhere near you, making it impossible to stalk you and steal your life and b) have a dog approximately 1/3 as cute as Chuck (and completely incapable of feats of balance). Oh, and not being able to write as well as you. That pisses me off too.
Anyway, I really decided to stop lurking to leave you a nice anti-religious sentiment: 25% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage*, making god the greatest abortionist of all time!
Through ABSOLUTELY NO FAULT of the mother.
P.S. Insane women make the best mothers. At least, that's what I keep telling myself whenever I catch my daughter eating her hair...then shrug and go about my business.
701. Becsellent said:
That's the problem with the Internet. It's great for inter-village travel, even (especially?) for the village idiot.
I was just introduced to your blog yesterday and I need it like I need Coach to extend their 30% off sale. You can imagine how crucial this is. Please keep writing. I just had a daughter (after 2 miscarriages, but since I too apparently say nanny-nanny-boo-boo to God, I probably had it coming). I'm quite bewildered by your the comments on your parenting style as I was just thinking that I need to raise my girl with your sense of humor and life. THANK BABY JESUS that commenter has shown me the error of my ways!! I'll now search the Internet for a new blogger with less blasphemes parenting tips! (Because I'm SURE the Internet know my child MUCH better than I).
You're fabulous. Really.
702. Value wIT said:
I don't how these comments don't make you shut down your website and crawl into a ball on the floor and rock and back and forth. I would take them so personally.
HOWEVER, it's as clear as day these people are crazy and stupid. I am sending you all my good thoughts all day.
Keep going!!!!
703. the mighty jimbo said:
this may make me a bad person, but i kinda wish agnes would die.
i don't really wish it.
just kinda.
704. FatChick said:
Wow. That's all I can say is wow. That, and jeez, I thought I got hate mail. I guess I get more, like, I don't know, I REALLY REALLY REALLY DON'T LIKE YOU mail. Sorry to see that slime cross your inbox.
705. EmmaGoodEgg said:
Dear Heather,
I'm from far away.
Even with the rough days you've gone through, I still want to be you because you rock.
Emma xx
706. Lyn said:
I laughed out loud at the 'teasing me with commas' line.
I do hope the comments of these sad people really do roll off your back. And who could have anything negative to say about The Chuck?
Thank you for the blog.
707. Anonymous said:
please only post funny hate mail from now on and not hate mail with actual hate in it. Hate sort of skeeves me out and you seem like fairly nice person.
How to tell the difference?
funny hate mail makes you want to laugh
unfunny hate mail makes you want to vomit.
anything in between is probably spam
708. t_in_texas said:
Everybody's hot shit on the anony-net.
I still live with the credo: if you ain't got the stones to say it in person, don't email it anonymously.
We live in the Austin area, and considered coming out to stalk/meet you for SxSW, but no.
Wife and I luvs us some Dooce.
And you're far braver than we for baring your soul in
public.
709. Lisa g. said:
Wow....I'm shocked that there are people out there like that. Although I'm not certain why it shocks me. You are touching so many people with this blog that I think we can just ignore these mean, finger-pointing, readers! Keep writing Heather =)
710. valeta said:
What a bunch of goat suckers.
It reminds me of the end of "jay and silent bob strike back." When they fly around the country and beat up all the kids who were talking shit about them on the internet. Those jerks would totally deserve it.
I lurve your blog. And balancing things on Chuck's head is awesome.
711. Amanda said:
Nothing but love for you Heather! You brighten my workday every day! Hopefully for every piece of hate mail you get 50 letters telling you how awesome you are.
Every day when I get home from work, my husband and I must immediately talk about how funny and awesome your site was that day. Keep on keeping on!
712. timmi said:
YOU ARE WONDERFUL. YOU HAVE JUST WON THREE FREAKING AWARDS TELLING THE WORLD HOW AMAZING AND WONDERFUL YOU ARE. You have set the blogging standard, you smart, creative woman. Don't let these freaks mess with your head in the least. Keep using them for our entertainment. WE LOVE YOU FOR IT!
713. Staci said:
You rock Heather. Loved the post. What a bunch of wack jobs.
714. questlnda said:
I LOVE YOU!
715. Jessi said:
You are a hero to me. Thank you for your down-to-earth mentality and humor.
These people are sad.
716. DM said:
It really, really, really ticks me off to no end when people bring God into this. I love your site and could care less about what your religious preference is, it's your business. And to say something so callous as what Agnes said? Obviously she doesn't realize that she's not being Christian at all! Sheesh.
I must be going to Hell because I, a born again Christian, find you to be witty, funny and 100% awesome. I also think the Flying Spaghetti Monster is fantastic and wish I would have thought of him! The only thing good about you getting such hateful, horrible email is your brilliant responses to them!
Sorry, sometimes I too get carried away with exclamation points. At least mine are complimentary!
717. denise said:
Well, I see why you don't turn on your comments much. I heart Dooce.
718. desert diva said:
daaaaamn...who let the freaks out? who? who?
719. Nelly said:
Wow I'm gobsmacked that you have to read such judgemental emails. These twits obviously have their knickers in a knot because they are jealous of your talent!
I just had to write to add my support & say I look forward to reading your blog everyday.
You & your family are awesome, you write brilliantly and provide many of your readers with comfort and many laughs. Keep doing what you're doing!
720. Knaj said:
I feel this intense throbbing in my forhead. I can not express to you how sad I feel that you have to read that shit. I love your stories,Life,Sense of humor,trials and tribulations,drama,and happiness.( Enough commas?) I am the mom to 3 and step mom to 3 after raising this many I feel strongly that everyone in my home is a little mentally ill. Keep up the good fight. Hey Some of mine have large foreheads as well. Love to you Heather from 39 yr old Forehead challenged family of eight. Oh yeah we have two dogs as well. Love you Blog keep it up.
721. Roger Orseno said:
You are so funny Heather. We love ya.
722. Anonymous said:
The fact that people like these exist is to me frightening. Yet they still makes me giggle when I probably shouldn't. This is only because I know you can laugh at them Heather, and know yourself that it's all crap. They should simply not visit your site, but of course that is just too easy. I am sad for them that they feel the need to attack you and particularly your daughter. Must be awfully lonely lives...
Jamie from Portland Oregon
723. Zinzy said:
Hi Heather,
I, as an avid reader of your blog, am not even remotely surprised by the horrid things some people decide to send you, but my girlfriend - who read it for the first time this morning - is, and it literally made her cry.
To quote Laura: you are (or at least make it really believable that you are) a great mom, a brilliant writer and (I'm sure in real life, too) an awesome woman.
Keep it UP.
724. Heidi said:
I am a Christian, I think your blog is fantastic and you are hilarious. And I, too, wish you would publish the email addresses of these people but I guess you are just a TEENY bit classier than these peeps, if that's possible.
725. Jenn said:
You know...you aren't that different than my mother and I turned out fine. Plus I've never seen you dress your daughter up in shirt with a monkey on it or made her use an Irish accent at school on St. Patty's Day.
Those kats just solidify what I've know all along...some people are just crap weasels.
Oh and for the record I'm pretty sure Jesus' central philosophy wasn't love and forgiveness it was get the Mother F***ker. At least that's the message I got from going to church.
Keep kickin' A and taking names Chickie!
726. Kris said:
wow! This just adds to my misanthropy.
I just started reading your blog and have found your honesty refreshing. I haven't read your archives, so I don't know your history but you are the first person I've heard be truthful about parenting. I haven't had children and as I get older, it becomes more urgent that I consider it. All I hear about is how happy and glorious it is to have children, but being the oldest of four who spent her adolecent summer watching kids and who is a pseudo step parent, having kids is a lot of work and I am sure a parent isn't sublimly happy all of the time to having little creatures dependent on you every second of everyday. I think you are an very honest mom and your kid(s)will grow up being content with life because of it.
I'm also a reformed christian so it is soooooooooooooooooo refreshing to hear a differing world views. Thank you for writing your blog.
727. Kelly B said:
I've never commented, and I'm not sure if you'll even get through 700+ comments to this one. But I just felt like I had to write. I am amazed that anyone would give you (or anyone else) comments like those! I think your blog and your honesty are wonderful. I appreciate you sharing your life with the internet. I love that Chuck balances ladels on his nose. I relate to all of your parenting/Leta stories...because EVERY MOM has gone through similar situations. And all kids are strange. :) I mean, my son collects all things pink. And you can't move these pink things. Anywhere.
Thank you for sharing!
728. Carolyn said:
Wow, you just couldn't make up stuff like these, 'eh?! It's a good thing we have the masses to keep us entertained.
Thanks for starting off our weekend with a laugh! Happy Easter. =)
729. Renae said:
My favorite is Ashlee, because, let's be honest here, clearly someone who crafts such a fine turn of phrase as "I went to your site today and I think it really stinx. Your really bad at writing." knows what she is talking about.
Heather, tell the truth, you went over to Kent's house, sat on his head and forced him to look at pictures of Chuck, didn't you? I mean he "had no choice but to click over and read your website"! You cruel, cruel woman! He doesn't even like popular things!
The best thing about trolls is their absolute certainty that anyone else gives a crap about their opinions.
Once again, thanks for sharing bits of your life with us, these glimpses into your life are alternately touching, sweet and hilarious.
730. alayna said:
It sucks that these people are actually human. It makes the rest of us look bad.
731. Anonymous said:
Just a note to say you are one tough cookie and rock on. Can you imagine how terrible it would be to be so angry? You've done an amazing thing for yourself with your site--good luck.
732. southcitygirl said:
Agnes is just mad at her parents for giving her the worst name ever.
733. Chrystal said:
I love when you post about your e-mails! Makes me laugh everytime!
Thank you for sharing your Jon/Leta/Chuck/Coco world with me.
734. zoom907 said:
OMG. Heather, you can't make this stuff up. It does make for entertaining reading. But you might want to get a "power delete" button. Here's my short take:
a. You have a wonderful "voice" with a wicked sense of humor.
b. You have an incredible eye and I love seeing the photos you post.
c. I don't think anyone could gain traction by trying to brand you as anything but authentic.
Keep up the great work. Aren't Mailbags fun?
735. Michele said:
Reading these periodic posts about all the fun email you get from your adoring public is akin to going to the State Fair and people watching...it tends to make me feel so much better about myself. And from the amount you must get, you must feel great!
Have a great weekend...and don't let the turkeys get you down...but I don't have to tell you that.
736. Anonymous said:
Wow. To quote David Ives, "F*ck you, Agnes."
737. Laura said:
My my, there ARE a lot of asstards out there, huh? I know I don't have to tell you to not listen to them, Heather. You guys are fantastic parents and good people.
738. NerdGirl said:
I think you handle all these kinds of comments brilliantly. The one that bothers me the most is the one about mental illness. It is one disgusting human being that would say such things about someone that has suffered lifelong depression issues. Obviously not someone that has ever had to experience such lows. Shame on him/her!
Thanks for continuing to write and entertain. I know through my last bout of depression that reading your blog was something I genuinely looked forwad tooooo ,,,, (thought I would add some commas for effect!) =)
739. wumpus said:
The variety within humanity is amazing.
Imagine how awful the life of such commenters must be to vent so much hatred on strangers.
740. Janie said:
And now I'm happy because I just read about 200 of the 700+ comments you've received.
You have so many great, FUNNY, warm, loving, happy, helpful, loyal readers that I know there is no way you could let those other idiots make you feel bad, Heather.
You rock and we have discriminating taste!!
741. Hippo Brigade said:
Wow and Whoa!! Those letters are ridiculous. I used to covet your mass readership, but now I realize that people are dildos.
742. dre said:
I'm sorry that you have to be on the receiving end of those nasty emails. It seems you have the strength to laugh them off, for the most part, and that's a good thing. Those people are fucking idiots and have NO clue. Especially Ashlee.
I almost peed myself when I read what you wrote in response to Krista's email - touche'!
Keep doing what you're doing... No one is perfect, we just do the best we can. I'd say you and Jon are doing wonderfully. Just from reading I can tell that you have a strong, loving family and that stands for so much on its own. Your child(ren) will grow up knowing they were loved and important and they will appreciate and respect you for that.
Happy Easter!
743. Valerie said:
Man. That is some stunning douchebaggery right there.
People are tools. You're awesome. They can all suck it.
744. elise said:
i think you are great.
the fact that i'm the 300th commenter makes me hope that you get a lot more fan mail than hate mail. I hope that you manage to keep this attitude when you are reading the terrible stuff that these people write, and know how many people look forward to your blog every day.
745. Lish said:
I'm thinking Kent and Ashlee should mate.
He needs a larger vocabulary to spice up his life of monotony, and while hers isn't anything to aspire to, she needs a good dose of drabness to slow her down enough to complete the typing of such mundane words as 'you' and 'right'.
746. erin kate said:
i can't help but giggle at the ridiculous things people feel the need to say to you.
you're funny and you're my fave.
the end.
747. sasha said:
Oy vey.
Hard to choose a favorite this time. Thanks for the laugh and the great visuals. Hassle the Hoff, indeed!
748. Amy said:
What a bunch of kooks!
The zit on the pillow...oy.
You're the best and they represent the least.
749. christina said:
well there's certainly one way to view it, though i on the other hand, have been diligently trying to teach my dog to balance things on his head since reading your blog. My cat too, which is a whole other ballgame.
750. Stephanie said:
Mentally ill? Is that contagious?
751. Sarah said:
Some people are so darn toxic and it isn't you.
752. patita said:
Whoah, that's a lot of vitriol coming from people who are obviously too afraid to live their own lives so they have to criticize yours.
Your description of the seizure-inducing comma string is brilliant :)
753. sharah said:
I really hope you get way more 'fanmail' than hatemail.
754. sarah said:
I enjoy your writing- I enjoy your humanity. You write and post what you think and feel. It is refreshing and honest. My daughter chews on her hair; she has a forehead (maybe a five or a six head- whatever). Forget those people- rock on, doocie, rock on.
755. Amy said:
Wow. I'm really just stunned that people actually take the time to write such inane things to you in response to your blog! I personally love reading your posts, but sure, maybe not everyone does. It's just weird that they take the time to write you such ridiculous responses... If you don't like it, turn off the damn computer people!
Congrats on the blog awards-- well deserved. Your recent post on making lemonade made my entire week! I've been reading since the beginning and YOU ROCK!
756. Tiff said:
WE LOVE DOOCE!
757. girlwiththemask said:
Wow- what idiots.
Well retorted though. Now the world knows their idiocy!
Love your work,
G.I.M
758. kate said:
Clearly, the answer is to start balancing things on Leta's (freakin' adorable) five-head and photographing her. Then we can all sit back and listen for the pops as heads start exploding in righteous indignation.
That would be,,,,,, so,,, fun,!!,
*sigh* It never ceases to amaze me how loathsome some people can be.
759. Gillian said:
It's bene wayyy too,,,,,, long! since you posted one of these!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mised all the badd speling and OVERZEALOUS!!!!!!!! PUNCTUATION!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe, since you're a bad mother who uses your child for profit, you should sell ad space on her humongous forehead. Just don't balance anything on it when you take a picture of it to share with the internets and make tons of money that you blow on pills and drugs. Because that would, like, totally ruin the integrity of the ad. And this website. Which SUXXXX!!!!!!! I'm so glad I WASTE MY TIME checking this every day!!! When I totally have the freedom to, like, NOT check it!
Peace out, dooce. Don't leave it so long between public floggings of the idiots next time, ok!
760. M@ said:
Frankly, your blog (and writing style in general) reaffirms my faith in humanity. I often use it as a substitute to the Lexapro I'm supposed to be taking.
Please keep writing as Lexapro is expensive.
761. Violet said:
Heather, I'm so happy you have a sense of humor and perspective about those comments. You are wonderful and I'm sorry there are such hateful people out there, with such a poor understanding of grammar.
762. Problemchildbride said:
What a pile of hateful spew. Jesus, there are some horrible people about.
I wish cheap chocolate and tooth agony on Sunday for the people who would write such nastiness.
763. Katie Kat said:
I'm so excited you opened up the comments, even though I know you'll probably never make it down to this one!
It never ceases to amaze me how much energy people put into really REALLY hating something. And something so completely unimportant in their lives, like a blog that THEY DON'T EVEN LIKE TO READ! Gosh, it must be hard for them to get through their day, what with the running with scissors, and pouring lemon juice into open sores, and forcing themselves to eat their own excrement. Just another day of doing things they hate but are powerless to resist.
It does provide fodder for the funnybone though, so keep on sharing please!
As for Ashlee - she's got to be a 12-year old twit who spends 90% of her time texting on her phone. That particular way of spelling and using the English language is my new favorite WORST thing in the Universe. It has replaced the baggy pants halfway down your ass fashion statement, as well as the baseball hat turned every angle from "ever so slightly askew" to "fully around frat boy."
Being a writer? - great
Being a fired writer who gave the finger to her boss and started a blog? - greater
Being a fired writer who started her own blog and is so incredibly clever she has OOOOODLES of fans? - greatest
Making crazy people so crazy that they feel COMPELLED to reach out and share their mental illness with the world on your blog? PRICELESS!
Keep it up sistah - we LOVES our DOOCE!
764. JO said:
Wow! Some people. I think it is pretty bad-ass that you support your family with this blog. Keep up the good work!
765. megan said:
for what it's worth, I like your blog, and I think you do a fine job parenting. It's funny how people hate that you hate things, or hate that you may bash on things. Hypocritical?...I think so. Yay for them. They look like dumb asses.
oh, and Chuck makes me laugh. balancing acts are funny! it's a dog!
766. Peggy said:
I like you and all of your imperfections. You are someone I would love to have as a friend. I will never understand why people who can not appreciate you, bother to read your blog let alone comment.
767. Allison said:
Classic Heather!!! Prezactly why I come back time and again. You rock, sista!
768. M said:
i should not be surprised at this idiocy yet it still strikes me. WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE. in other news, i would not make it through my workday without you.
769. Aradia said:
Dooce- Just keep laughing all the way to the bank! You rock...
And Agnes can suck it!
770. Lori said:
Wow. Just wow. Who *are* these ignorant people who have nothing better to do than slap their judgment on everyone but themselves? And why are they all lack any kind of skill whatsover in spelling, grammar, punctuation, and the fine art of constructing a logical paragraph? There's a disseration topic for someone...
771. Jessica said:
They are all just jealous.. i mean they surf the worldwideweb, they don't write something that people reads and make money.
772. Shannon said:
I am endlessly fascinated by the behaviour that judgement of others will spur. ZOMG I THINK U R HORRIBL THIS MEANS I CAN BE HORriBL 2!
And I agree with Alana. Leta should not be eating her own hair. It needs barbecue sauce, otherwise it doesn't wash down right.
773. Ron said:
First of all...I can't even BELIEVE that you get emails like this!!?
This blows my mind!?!?
But I've got to tell you, Heather...YOUR responses to these emails, are so way beyond brilliant...that it's worth it...listening to such ignorance.
Intelligent lady you are!
And thanks for Dooce, Heather.
774. Amy said:
People are bungholes
yr fierce
xo
775. Nicole said:
I've actually been wondering when we would get another mail day post...it makes me feel a little guilty that your responses to that kind of trash makes my day!
Leta is beautiful and charming (and well-parented), and I think I've told you before that I have the less well-behaved, Oklahoma version of Chuck at home.
People are just no damn good sometimes!
776. Mel said:
*ahem* guess they didn't see the post about all the awards you won.
And really....I'm pretty sure the Chuck photos are one of the best parts about your blogs. Who ISN'T entertained by his balancing act? I CAN HAZ CHEEZBURGER???
777. Anonymous said:
I wonder if other writers/designers are constantly told to get a real job? Dooce gets more hits and is more widely read than, say, George Will. Does George go on TV and get told he needs to get a real job?
What is it like to go through life with no sense of humor, where everything is literal? And what do these people think when they watch cartoons?
How exactly do you answer the question WWJD with the answer: "He would protest at a military funeral, and give additional grief to the family of a soldier who died for his country. He would do this to protest that the country is not harsh enough to gays. Oh yeah, and He would also want to send a comment to a website in the hopes of making some personal hard times just a tiny bit harder."
I would really like to know how these folks work, what makes their brains tick.
778. Jessica said:
Oh and there's this old belief that a high forehead means the person is very smart ~
no prize for guessing how high Krista's forehead is
779. Michelle said:
I am amazed at the time people have on their hands and the hatred they carry around with them to send off these types of messages. I find this site nothing but humorous, courageous and inspiring.
780. laura r. said:
i am sorry.
i am sorry we treat each other with such contempt.
i am grateful for your sense of humor.
you really are funny.
p.s. does god punish people with cancer? should people with cancer never be allowed to have children?
781. Renee said:
Comments like these are best enjoyed by doing dramatic interpretations of them after a martini or two. Same goes for craigslist personals (although tequila somehow seems to be the more fitting drink for those...)
782. Jason said:
Don't fuck with Dooce! I just have to say, Heather you're awesome!!! Those people are stupid. Especially Ashlee. She can't even spell.
783. Uma said:
The letter that cracked me up the most was Ashlee's, especially when she said "your really bad at writing" All I wanted to say was "Honey - enough with the texting already and get your hands on a 3rd grade English book instead. Because YOUR writing is making my head hurt!"
we luv U Hthr,,,,,UR site is Gr8,,,,,go duuce!!!
784. .mamakri. said:
these are by far the best replies to idiotic assholes i have ever seen. the only thing that could have been better is pictures of you punching them all in their respective reproductive organs.
i want to apologize for the human race in general ... the vast majority of people taking up space on this fucking plant are complete asshole idiots.
<3 i love your blog: between it and my sweet little son, i have no reason to drink too much alcohol and finally find out how it feels to prostitute myself out to hungry old men.
785. Maresi said:
I'm sure some would call me a religious fanatic since I'm a youth pastor who has a very deep faith that affects every aspect of my life... but I still cannot understand asshats (I'm pretty sure that word is Biblical) like Agnes. I'm not sure what happened to folks like her that make them honestly believe that God would punish folks like you with a tragedy like a miscarriage. To me those people are as utterly mistaken and wrong as Tom Cruise. I also don't understand how their mouse and keyboard mysteriously continues to guide them to your website if they hate it, and you, so much.
786. Bibi said:
I love catching up on all the witty and contructive feedback you get from your readers.
All kidding aside - I was amazed at the viciousness and cruelty in this particular installment. My guess is these are only the highlights of what you actually receive. Although you claim to be a tender flower, your method of internet-flogging is an excellent way to turn something horrible into something hilarious!
dooce RULES!
787. Super Woman said:
Don't give those letters a second thought, Heather. You're human, just like the rest of us. You're just braver than most, having chosen to show the rest of the world who you really are and how you really live your life. I'd dare any of the nutcases who wrote those letters to show the same courage.
As a prior commenter said, brava to you. Keep on keeping on, doing what you do so well, and know that you have a huge fan base that really does think you're great. And genuine.
788. margiesbooboo said:
I appreciate your love for your family, friends and pets. Yours is not the first dawg I've seen do the balancing trick, so I enjoy the dawg photos too.
Sometimes its kinda fun to read what a-holes are thinking. Enables you to keep track of them.
huggs,
margiesbooboo
789. kathryn said:
Wow. I guess I didnt realize how having a popular blog could open you up for such meanspirited attacks. I am particularly saddened by the comments about leta. It sounds like you guys have developed a very healthy- and therapeutic- way of coping with it all. Kudos!
790. Mental P Mama said:
Heather, you are the best antidote to this crazy world that I have ever seen.
791. Dana said:
In the picture you have in Daily Chuck (GEORGE! and Chuck), did you notice how Coco is trying to lick Chuck's butt? So sexy.
792. camille said:
Man... after reading all those hateful things I think all your devoted masses need a hug. Can you post the nice things people send you, too?
793. Mrs. Kennedy said:
I just wanted to be comment #792. No, but seriously, it does my heart good to see all this support for you. Go Dooce!
794. Mrs. Kennedy said:
Shit!
795. Jane said:
In regards to all the hateful emails you get--don't let the bastards get your down.
796. Kari said:
I enjoy these because you make me laugh and I think you handle them so well. But sometimes I wish you didn't have to read some of the crap people write you. It's profoundly fucked up stuff. Ugh. Exclamation mark city.
797. kobri said:
I am amazed by the depths that human beings can sink to, for no good reason. I have never understood what saying hurtful things to someone you don't even know accomplishes. I do't know what these people get from it. Really people, when it came down to picking your battles this was it?
I did love the whole woman behind you at the grocery store thing because people comment on my groceries all the time and it creeps me out! Someone once leaned over my shoulder to look into my basket and said "Wow, fresh ingredients, what are you making?"
798. Valerie said:
Heather.....you are my hero!
I wish I had the guts to respond to mean people with good humor and wit the way you responded to these disgusting, unintelligent fools that send you such horrible comments. How are people like that even allowed to exist in society? You're awesome Heather, and I love your website! Your experiences are an inspiration...keep it up and congrats on your awards!!
799. Jennifer said:
Love your stuff, Heather. Your sense of humor in the face of such nastiness is truly an inspiration. (I'd have told 'em to go fuck themselves)
We love your blog here in the Home of the Turbo Toddlers. Hope you can feel the warm fuzzies as we hoist our wine glasses to you from the Central Coast.
Cheers!
800. ktb said:
I have never posted a comment before on ANY web site, but what made me toss in my two cents here and now was the way you handle the extreme negativity that comes your way. I think it's admirable. I also think you are a fantastic writer and I can't wait to read your book.
801. Katie said:
Wow...never before have I felt compelled to comment on someone's blog. It almost feels wrong to use proper grammar after reading all of those negative comments, but here goes!
Firstly, I read this site because I think it provides hope. Mental health issues are far too often whispered about behind closed doors and stigmatized. It is so refreshing to have someone willing to speak candidly about mental health, and provide a sense of "normal" to the others out there who may be going through the same.
I don't have any mental health issues, but I volunteered on a suicice prevention line for 3 years, where I got to know many people with a variety of diagnoses, and learn about their struggles. Furthermore, I am currently in school for nursing, and my heart draws me to those who can't manage with what they have been dealt. I can only imagine the number of people who have read your site and said "oh my God...me too!".
Please keep up the good work, and find only humour in all of those comments! People spend far too much time constructing a high horse to stand on to realize their own stupidity.
802. THE THIRD!! said:
Your're doing just fine for my standards, I enjoy getting to peer into someone elses life. Screw those bastards, and keep rockin!!
803. unixlass said:
Wow, that is harsh. Screw them. I think you are hilarious, open and frank. I read your site everyday and love the pictures of Chuck. My kids ask to see them each morning. You are one tough chica.
804. SuzieQ said:
Love you, your husband, your beautiful child and your talented dogs. To all of the idiots who wrote such garbage: I have a tee shirt you all need, quote "IGNORANCE IS CURABLE BUT STUPIDITY IS FOREVER". Get a life!!
805. unixlass said:
Oh, and Leta is a beautiful child!
806. Toby said:
I imagine most of these comments in the voice of Chris Crocker.
807. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Heather I hope you really are taking all these horrible comments with a grain of salt. You're the shiznit and those bitches are trizz nippin'. I also love how all the people who love Jesus are the first ones to do the exact opposite of what I thought He actually represented. Makes me wanna go to Church!
808. Mrs Marcos said:
Why you gotta bring the Hoff into this?
809. paulyanna005 said:
I am continually amazed at the people who feel it necessary to leave such hateful and mean spirited comments. If they find the website so unappealing why do they continue to read it? My only hope is that for every one vile comment, you get at least a hundred positive ones. I'd like to think at least somewhere in the world the positive outwieghs the negative.
810. xibits said:
I couldn't help LOL when reading this post. My husband asked what I was laughing about. I told him this was one of the sites I frequent often, then read the comments to him. He shook his head and walked away. I like you because you're normal, yet quirky, and admit doing those weird things we all do in private. People say bad things about you because they're jealous of your success. At times I have a twinge of envy, but I like my life, have successes that I'm proud of, and wouldn't trade my life for anything. Loved your parallel of your relationship to Rob and Big. You are very lucky to have found each other! Keep those arms noodlin'! :)
811. bohica said:
You should have spell-checked Ashlee's letter and sent it back ... I wonder if she'd get the irony?
I love how they continue to tell you that your website is a waste of space after you win four bloggies and are listed as #5 on The World's Most Powerful Blogs by the Guardian. Um ... DUH.
812. Cetta said:
Wow. People suck.
You must be doing something right to stir such vitriol in total strangers. Keep it up!
813. Nicole Ishida said:
You're fabulous! I am in awe of your ability to give these people the response they deserve in such an eloquent way. That's all I have to say. :)
814. Kristi said:
Ummm...I FREEKING love you. Even more than I have before in the past 6 mo. I've been reading your blog. You kick ass.
There's no need for me to echo the other comments that a) you're a wonderful mother, b) religious wackos are just that - wacko, and c) balancing stuff on dogs IS amusing. Because you already know it. :)
Keep it up!!!!!
815. Zuffie said:
These comments just go to show that while people claim to be religious they prove over and over again that they are not. Their words are spoken in hate and the last time I checked that is not a Christ-like quality.
I love your blog and have shared it with many of my friends! My closest friend is a stay at home mother of two and has found a great relief in your site. Your experiences, your humor and of course your dogs are so valuable to many of us.
Thank you for choosing to share your life with the world and posting as often as you do.
816. Dee said:
Some people are just really stupid assholes that can't spell or use logic.
817. mel said:
Oh, Heather. I'm constantly amazed at people like that. And a little afraid for the future, sometimes. I'm truly hoping that these comments are SO in the minority of what you get. I hope 810+ positive comments can negate that vitriol. You're an amazingly strong woman to put up with it.
818. MP said:
Please. If crazy people didn't procreate, there would be NO funny blogs, interesting books, amazing photography, or dogs with noodles on their heads, anywhere, ever. The world would be boring, and nobody would ever get off the toilet.
Anyway, you and Leta and your foreheads are beautiful. Anyone with a brain cell can see how much you love and care for her.
819. ariel said:
That email with spelling errors and thirteen commas in a row, that one makes my skin crawl. How much you wanna bet that english is the only language she can speak? Oh wait. Never mind.. she can't speak english either.
ps. You should make a reCAPTCHA code entry necessary to send you emails as well. People like her would never make it through.
820. Kristina said:
I freaking love your blog, and I'm Mormon through and through. Keep it up...it's refreshing.
821. Sue said:
What a ride.
Good post!
822. generation next said:
Is Ashlee's email for real? Wow. If it is, that's even more sad. Do people who write like that just not care that they write so badly it's hard to read? Is it possible they have no idea they write badly?
It looks like something an educated person like you or me would make up as an exaggerated example of how awful the grammar is of the people who write to you.
823. Andrea said:
As a mother of 2 who has been struggling with PPD herself for months, and finally got help and is trying not to FEEL ASHAMED of the feelings I went through, Nomen's comments actually made me cry. People like that are the reason women DON'T get help. To say something like that to another human being is just... beyond words. Thanks, Heather, for putting him in perspective for me.
824. desiree fawn said:
Ha! Oh man. So hilarious. First of all -- you rock & you know it. Kudos. Second of all -- I find it incredibly entertaining that people who seem to hate you and can't even STAND your site would still take the time to let you know how much they don't care for you and your life. This just seems silly.
Is it wrong of me to think that the authors of all these comments should be set on fire, shot & pissed upon?
Cause if so, then I DON'T WANT TO BE RIGHT.
Much love,
Your reader in good ol' Peterborough, Ontario,
Desiree.
ps. You rock. Again.
825. Ralph said:
Schadenfreude = the realization that these are among your best columns. God help us all....
826. BoatSailor said:
First:
"KEEP ON ROCKIN' IN THE FREE WORLD!"
Next:
I love you, your blog, your writing, and your family and therefore cannot allow you to be subjected to such garbage any longer. I insist that you must immediately hire an intern/lackey (preferably an underage, undocumented, entirely illegal immigrant who you then underpay and occasionally berate - how better to thumb your nose at the nay-sayers and The MAN?) to screen your emails. Said intern/lasckey is to only provide for your review communications and missives of high praise and ego-stroking truth while dutifully and loyally screening out all of the screed and hate filled chaff, AANNNNDDD - they should not be allowed to even ADMIT that there was any such negative emails to screen out. When asked he or she must instead reply, "Why of course that's all of it, Ms. Heather, why do you ask??"
Last:
Dog with blender balanced on his head? Yes, please!
BoatSailor Sends....
Lowering periscope and goin' deep!
827. Dana said:
C'mon Heather, Ashlee's HAS to be a joke.
P.S. You're the shit.
828. iluvhumboldt said:
You know, I have kids (and have had a miscarriage that devastated me). Lots of people could probably call me crazy, who couldn't we call crazy if someone is honest about their life? Unfortunately all those negative people also have kids. The cool thing about having kids is that we get to raise them anyway WE want, seeing as they're OUR kids. People who have enough extra time to tell other people how to raise their kids should use that time to teach their own kids how to do something that they like to do, like maybe how to despise total strangers because they have nothing better to do. Do I judge them for doing that? Well maybe, but at least I keep it to myself. But, I know that my kids will carry my groceries in from the car without complaining, they will even put them away if I ask. They also have better things to do besides surf the internet to find people to talk shit to. Also, they already know how to spell and use punctuation properly. And you should totally leave Leta's hair down so it gets full of food, you horrible parent! Yeah for "crazy" moms.
829. Liz said:
You make my day, nearly every day, except for the days that you don't post something. They all wish they were you.
830. Nate said:
Wow, people can be jerks. But the one from Ashlee? You *had* to have made that up.
"Your really bad at writing."
Umm, yeah. And you, Ashlee, are the next Steinbeck.
Or something.
831. OptimisticDiva said:
The brilliance of this post has rendered me inarticulate.
So, with all I have left:
YOU RULE.
832. Right Brained Gal said:
I have an idea for your next book, the emails you receive and your replies. I for one, embrace constructive criticism and love to hear other people's opinion of myself. That opens the gate for me to share their character defects, and that is when the fun begins. People can dish it out, but they sure can't take it, especially from a pro like you. I bet all of these people voted for Bush.
833. OptimisticDiva said:
Also, big foreheads = big brains.
Lastly: Long live the apostrophe.
834. Susan said:
(copied from someone else's post)
I love you. And your blog. And Leta and Jon. And your dogs. And your insight. And how often you get me through another day.
She just said it best. You are amazing, and I'm in the same category as all the others who feel like we could be friends if we actually knew each other.
I'm currently cooking up a plan for Leta to fall in love with one of my boys in approximately 20 years. She is gorgeous!
Your post today and the comments posted since prove you have an entire army of people who would stick up for you in the blink of an eye, possibly fight to the death for you.
I'm sure I speak for many of us when I say we would LOVE an opportunity to see in person and connect with you somehow. Maybe throw a big DOOCE party somewhere. Or just go on tour and let people ask you questions, you know we'd all shell out for tickets. Just play a slide show behind you on stage - of Chuck balancing things on his head, of course.
Heather B. Armstrong, WE LOVE YOU!
835. sohobutterfly said:
Fuck 'em. You kick ass.
836. zeghsy said:
"did you know you can get animal crackers and gatorade from the office supplies catalog?!"
i would happily let you spend long stretches of time with my daughter. i'm sure i'm going to burn in hell for my parenting as well. it's good to know i'll have company!
837. Katrine said:
Have you really read all these comments? It must take days.
I loved your post about seeing the two guys from your old job. At the time, were you carrying your FOUR trophies, juggling them, just trying to manage the weight of all of them and the glare from their brilliance? Did you accidently drop one on their feet? And then all with your spindly arms trying to pick them up, "Oh I'm so sorry...I'll just pick up...so sorry...too many trophies...sorry to drop my LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD ON YOUR UGLY-ASS FOOT!"
838. D said:
Kent sounds a lot like my XH. It's quite possible he's bitter and divorced... or that is something the future could possibly hold. I still think it's funny that for as much as some people hate your website, they sure do make the time to not only read it with the dedication a nun has to the church, but to also take time to email you with the thoughts of how much they hate it.
And to the one who typed the words "mental illness", if s/he had any college classes in Psychology whatsoever, s/he'd know that the proper phrasing is mental DISORDER. Too much tv, too much tv, whoever you are. ;) I'm betting s/he waivers between your website and their cable television. Every.day. I suppose they feel like you should be flattered. I say some people need to get out and take up jogging! And to also maybe stop going to websites that raise their blood pressure because they wound up with a mediocre "life" from the constant sitting and reading of websites that belong to people they send hate mail to.
Looking forward to more editions.
839. Diane said:
The problem with putting yourself out there as bravely and with the humor that you do, is that it invites crackpots to take swings at you. Glad to see you don't let the a**holes get you down. I love your blog, and it always makes me laugh. Leta reminds me of my little one. She loves to see the pictures of Chuck, unlike Leta, she would love to have him look at her. = )
840. E- said:
i don't know how people can be so deliberately mean. i can't say that i agree with every word you write, but i bet you can't agree with every word anyone else wrote either - but that's a good thing! we're all different. with that in mind - i love to read your blog and can identify so much with parenting a vivacious daughter on her own time frame because i have one too. it's not about many thing we can find that make us different; it's about getting a kick out of the things that make us the same! thanks for all the laughs and for making me realize that my daughter has every hope of being "normal" too! :) it's kids with temperement like ours that will rule the world, right!
thanks for opening comments up on this one.
841. Dave said:
You're making these up right? Right?! This world would be such a better place if mouth breathers like Ashlee didn't exist. Keep up the good fight.
842. Angela said:
i just adore your sense of humor, heather! and your attitude towards all the douchery.
you are AMAZING and we all know it!
843. Elissa said:
I thank Something everyday that I am not one of those people. :)
844. wendy said:
I don't think I'd even open up my email if I were you. That's rough.
845. Clou said:
WOW! A friend turned me onto your website just the other day, and i have spent the last two days at work reading your archives. I really wish i had slowed down, because now I need a bigger fix...you are addictive! It is the greatest. I wish i had your easy insite on things. Keep us wondering what comes next!
846. Maegan said:
wow.
I love the comma/period girl who claims you're a bad writer but doesn't know the difference between your and you're - I wonder what her "real job" is? ...I'm guessing telemarketer (but that would be an upgrade).
Oh, and, PRAISE GOD for all the religious freaks who always have the nicest things to say. *note for religious freaks: I was being sarcastic, you assholes.
dumb, dumb dumb, dumb DUMB.
847. wendy said:
I don't think I'd even open up my email if I were you. That's rough.
848. Christina said:
I find your perspective on daily life to be refreshing, ironic and at times (many times) HILARIOIUS.
If people don't like it... they don't have to read it. These are the same people that sue McDonalds for having coffee that's "too hot" or for making them fat.
Wait for your coffee to cool down, change the channel, drive past the fast food restaurant, google something else. They are just @ssholes.
849. GatitaBella said:
I get freedom of speech. I really do. But you know what? I hate all those people who sent you those nasty comments. Why? Because I had a crappy day today and thought to myself, "I am going to read Dooce, she always makes me feel better." And today those jack asses did nothing but PISS ME OFF!
Love you, Love your blog, Screw 'em!
850. scargosun said:
he he he he
I LOVE this part of the month. I was laughing so hard diet Coke came out my nose. BTW...the reason Chuck is not following GEORGE around as attentively is b/c there is less of him to follow! (I frequent the verygeorge site too).
851. Shana said:
I just want to take this moment and thank you for uniting the world in embracing the word "douchebag". I don't think there is a better word out there to describe these low-lifes who decided writing hate mail was an appropriate response to your blog. My boyfriend would say this deserves a top gun high-five.
Keep doing what you're doing.
852. Pam S said:
I just want to comment that I can't believe how ignorant and judgmental people can be. No matter what one thinks, how can they make such incredibly rude statements to someone? And to judge someone's parenting skills based solely on comments you make in your blog? Like they know exactly what goes on in your life everyday? Kudos to you for not letting them get to you and showing them for the ignorant idiots they are!
853. filmfangirl said:
Dear Heather,
You're a one tough, smart cookie.
I am in awe of how you can take people's excruciatingly ignorant, loathsome, and below-the-belt personal attacks and spin them into writing gold. Well done!
Cheers,
filmfangirl
854. Kim said:
Oh My GOD, that made me really laugh. I almost wet my pants..seriously I have trouble with that since having children.
You are great and don't let those wackjobs get to you. I think it is much braver to be honest and put yourself out there than to hide behind some hypocritical religion. My children think Jesus is the guy who mows our lawn and I'd like to keep it that way.
Congrats on all your recent honors!
855. Anonymous said:
I heart dooce, forever and ever!
856. Stephanie said:
Dude,
So sorry you get letters like this but I can only think that people who write this crap have to live with themselves. If they go out of their way to write you shit like this, think about how much suffering they inflict on themselves and on the people around them every day! What a dark and lonely place.
Love you, love your blog, don't let the bastards get you down.
857. Kath said:
Sigh :-(
So sorry you get this kind of crap. I know this is just the tip of the iceburg.
Wish I could send you a live baby hippo (with a case of Jack Daniels) as a token of how much happiness you've given to me and others with your blog.
You so rock, Heather.
xoxo
858. Ted said:
You know, for a while I was tempted to send you fake hate mail. Get some attention, maybe get my letter posted on your blog. But I can't for several reasons.
First, I like your writing too much.
Secondly, even on my most creative day I could never match the sheer stupidity and lack of language skills that characterize the letters you post. You would take one look and immediately say, "FAKE! This person has far too firm a grasp of English to be actually sending me hate mail. Run your letter through Babelfish and try again, loser!"
Okay, I guess two isn't "several". Perhaps my grasp of English isn't as strong as I think it is. If that's the case, maybe I could pull off a hate letter...
BLARG! YOU WRITE STUPID! GET REAL JOB, GO BACK TO CHURCH!
No, no, can't do it. Oh, well. I shall have to content myself with telling you how much I love your writing and humor, and how I admire your relationship with your daughter and husband. Thanks for making my days a little lighter and a lot more fun.
859. Tracye said:
WoW there are really some hateful people out there who just don't know when to click the off button. No one is forcing anyone to read this or any other site. Get a grip people and get a life for crying out loud.
Wow. Just, wow.
I swear you wrote the one from Ashlee cause, no one can be that bad at spelling! Does she even know what spell check is? DOES SHE?
LOL
860. Liz said:
I wonder how these religious fanatics would like it if we(so called devil worshippers) harrassed them like they harass us? Oh, but they wouldn't hear us because they're wearing their Jesus Headphones and nothing can get through because those headphones only allow good things about them and religion to get through. Guess my mom lost my set when I was little. Someone save us all!
Love your blog, couldn't live in SLC without it!
861. BluesCityRef said:
I love it when the 16 year olds send hate mail.
FINISH SCHOOL BEFORE TRYING TO USE THE BIG WORDS NEXT TIME!
862. PICAdrienne said:
Wow, you certainly attract the people who lick the windows on the short bus. There are things that I may not agree with you on, but I don't agree with ANYONE on everything. I really hope I am not around people who have identical opinions, would make life really uninteresting.
I like your blog, because, on serious stuff, you make me think, and oftentimes (especially when writing about Coco) you make me laugh. Your letters to Leta are very touching, and filled with love and humor.
You are amazing and very honest.
863. Kelly said:
Agnes, on behalf of Christians everywhere, SHUT THE HELL UP.
864. Reverend Mortis said:
You're amazingly thick skinned considering the blatant cheap shots some of these neanderfucks are taking. If I ever develop actual readers, I hope I can be as kind in responding to their assinities. If that's a word - and if it isn't it is now. lol.
Thanks for sharing your life with the rest of us lazy, drugged up, alcoholic parents. Or at least that's what your critics seem to think we are. Who are they calling LAZY anyways?
Regards,
RM
865. Kim said:
Why do this to yourself? Or us? I come here because I adore your humor, your insensitive sensitivity and your courage to share. As a Christ follower, I am saddened to think His love is so misrepresented by those who have learned the "language" but failed in walking the walk.
You're a cool woman, wife and mama...keep it coming!
866. nelking said:
What scares me?... These people MIGHT potentially vote.
867. Haleigh said:
It's interesting how these crazies project onto your honesty and openness... Way to not take it too seriously. With such honesty, humor and strength, you're liable to freak out the shaky ones. :)
868. GoGo said:
Nice retorts here...as always funny.
With that said, I am so sorry to you that folks say such horrid things about your daughter, depression, and miscarriage. Putting yourself out there always solicites one asshole to pop up in the world, as my grandma once told me, but still...
I have a high forehead and never got teased for it. Boobs on the other hand where much more relevant for playground teasing. :)
~GoGo
869. Cassie C said:
Wow! It's sad that people have nothing better to do that call judgement on others. I'm sorry for the Christians that give Christians a bad name. I'm a Christian - my husband's a pastor in fact, but let me tell you that I relate way more to you than all those legalistic, judgemental folks...Please don't hate all of us :)
870. Bitter Betty said:
SMELL UR STUPIDNESS is my new band.
871. Moobeema said:
WOW! Makes me glad I get to live in relative anonymity and read YOUR blog instead of all your readers reading MY blog! Yikes!
872. miltoncat said:
Ha! I'm tellin' ya Heather, you and me can meet up by the East End Skate Rink and open up some whoop-ass, Memphis style!
I'll be waitin' in my gold '83 Camaro and have my crimping iron fired up, tossing another can of Bud.
Don't mess with us Memphis wimminfolk!
873. MzM said:
Some people just didn't get enough attention growing up and apparently they still don't get enough attention. The thing I find "interesting" is that although they claim such disdain for you and your actions they must obviously love you too because why else would they log on to your blog (probably daily), READ it and then take the time to comment. You might want to consider getting some restraining orders- I think you might have a few stalkers on your hands.
874. Amy said:
I just spent an hour looking at Busted Tees and Snorg Tees before wandering over here. I lost my shit at the "Hassel the Hoff" comment. You. Rock. My. World.
875. Gala said:
wonderful. just wonderful. your response to these sad, sorry, pathetic, grammar-challenged, humor-less, judgmental, miserable losers is spot on.
876. Danielle W said:
YOU ARE BY FAR MY MOST FAVOURITE PERSON ON THE INTERNET!
877. Liz said:
Goodness how you slog through such muck and keep your general sense of compassion intact is quite a feat! It's amazing to me how ordinary people can harbor, festering inside them, so much ick. It must hurt.
878. Have the T-shirt said:
Oh my, people can sure be poopy butts, can't they?!
879. Mandorama said:
Regardless if the seemingly-androgynous "Nomen" does or does not have have a uterus, perhaps he/she should not be passing judgment on those who have experienced crippling post-partum depression. Especially those who have managed to come so far past that dark feeling that they are willing to go through the pregnancy/labor/parenting process all over again. I'm not at the point yet, but Dooce is, and I admire her for her selflessness and strength; things that Nomen clearly does not possess.
880. Erin The Great said:
It's amazing all the people who think they are better than others just because the only trial in thier lives is deciding what porn website to surf. As for those religious fanatics, clearly they weren't paying attention in Sunday school when the lesson on judgement was being taught. Keep strong and remember, opinions are like assholes... everybody has one.
881. Sharon said:
Wow. Just...wow. Mean, cruel, hateful people suck. As for all of us 'commenters', we're a rather nice bunch, aren't we? And intelligent enough to understand sarcasm and the need for only one comma at a time.
And we all spell pretty damn good, too.
882. bubli said:
I love your blog. May Agnes, Ashlee, etc. never be able to procreate and die alone at their computers with your blog staring at them on their screen!
883. Val said:
I like many others have read your blog and not commented. It hurts me to hear that there are these horrible people in the world. You are a rockstar, so rock on!
884. Mercedes said:
Thanks for the laugh, Heather. Keep 'em coming. Now if I could only figure out how to pass the required human visitor test (aka reading the words on the spam comment filter). I guess I will go back to school to learn how to become a human...
885. Mo said:
Isn't it sad how angry people are? It's almost as depressing as Ashlee's writing skills. Your ability to laugh and not let these people get to you is truly admirable.
886. Lulu said:
I hate that lady named Agnes. For you AND me.
Keep up your hilarity.
887. Yvonne said:
I just read out your post to my boyfriend and we both had a good laugh. (His jaw dropped a few times - you forget how insane people can be!) Getting those emails must be horrible but I suppose it's an unfortunate side affect of your blog's HUGE popularity. I for one think you are fantastic. Have a great weekend and say hi to the family for me!
888. Jules said:
OK - your response to Krista? I'm so glad I wasn't drinking anything when I read it or it would have been all over my laptop. Hysterically funny.
But the hate mail about your miscarriage and what you went through after Leta was born - those were just cruel. And I'm sorry you have to read such hateful, judgmental bullshit on a regular basis. But I guess that just means your super famous right?
889. LD said:
You SO make my day!
890. Jennifer said:
Those emails remind me of a quote that a fellow programmer has on their cube wall (if you ignore the programmer relevant part).
"Programmers are in a race with the Universe to create bigger and better idiot-proof programs, while the Universe is trying to create bigger and better idiots. So far the Universe is winning." -Rich Cook
Here's another vote for more pictures of Chuck, especially with odd objects balanced on his head. I've gotten my husband hooked on your website for the Chuck pictures and stories alone.
891. Bev in SC said:
Oh, Heather! Thank you, thank you, thank you. I needed that today. And you're right... long overdue.
Ashlee sitting on the toilet for 2 years?? No, I think it's more like DRINKING from the toilet for 2 years.
Kent who hates popular things and so that means he has to read your column? Isn't there some kind of disconnect there? He's never been so bored looking at a dog? Gosh... I wonder what constitutes interest for this guy except maybe playing with himself.
Nomen's comments? Well, now we see why there are "no men" in her life!
Sheesh.... Heather, you rock! I'll always, always be a loyal fan, even at the advanced age of 65!
892. Bev in SC said:
Oh, and thanks for opening the comments on this one!
893. Patrick said:
I especially enjoyed the comeback regarding wifi and the toilet. I'm from Kansas City and had a good laugh about the trailer-toilet fiasco outside Wichita. Good burn.
894. Candy said:
I truly don't know how you put up with so much hate from the world. I know they're douchebags, but do they have to be so blatant about it?
I got one nasty email about a comment I left somewhere and it sent me into a 2 week tailspin. You got balls, girl. It's what makes you La Dooce, I suppose.
895. Chiloe said:
Jeez ....... Hard to believe what people will write about other's life ... Let's remember we always think we'll raise other's kids better than their own parents ;)
896. CroakerNorge said:
Someday, when I grow up people will RECOGNIZE(in the hip hop sense). Until then, it's safe to assume that some (most) people aren't smart enough to get subtle humor, sarcasm, wit and innuendo. For the record, I totally appreciate your website, your candor, your huzz, your crazy dogs, and your kid.
897. mommytherobot said:
man. heather i dont know how you even want to turn on the computer and log on after reading crap like that. and what you have here is probably just the creme de la creme. its happened to me before and didn't handle internet hate with as much grace (ehem) as you just did. but i guess once its on the internet its basically a free-for-all.
898. Zuhura said:
The people who write you hate mail need to seriously get a LIFE!
899. Sarah said:
What 5-head? What a bitch.
900. Maria said:
Unbelieveably hateful. Sorry, Heather, that these people feel they have to right to be so unbearable. It's staggering.