You make me smile.

Brava. Just -- brava. :')

Heather,
I have read your blog for a long time and have never posted a comment...It is no wonder that you often don't open up comments with all the wack jobs out in this world.
Congratulations on all of your awards.

Oh hell yes.... this is what I needed today.

Since I don't have the balls to respond to my angry readers in this way, could I borrow yours?

Good lord. Who are these people with nothing better to do than cast hurtful language about? I mean, granted, I have nothing better to do that read other peoples' blog comments, which, I realize, doesn't bode well for my contributions to society, but still.

I was especially interested in the comment about the alleged 5-head. I'm familiar with the moniker, see, because one of my classmates used to tell me that he could land a plane/do his algebra homework on my forehead.

Somehow I turned out ok.

I was just introduced to this site by a good friend of mine, and let me just say - you're fucking awesome. Your daughter is BEAUTIFUL!! And at the risk of sounding like a high schooler, I think the haters are just jealous. I hope they enjoy their WIFI as they slowly fuse into that almighty toilet seat, and I hope they find joy in keeping tabs on Howie Mandel's shiny head is during this week's exciting episode of "Deal or No Deal." Keep on keeping on - you're fabulous.

Oh my gosh - I can't believe people - and I call them people very loosely -who would write such hateful and stupid mean things to you! I enjoy your blog and you just keep on writing what you feel. As a parent, as well as just plain old human beings, we are all just finding our way - stumbling mostly, but also getting it right a lot of times. My kids are teenagers now and you can bet I think I could've done things differently, about choices I made for them, made for myself, but you know what - they've turned out pretty darn good. You keep searching, and writing, and screwing up - cos basically, you aren't doing too bad with life.

Now then, WHY do these people read your blog if they are so contemptuous?

BTW, Leta has the most beautiful soulful eyes - I've never noticed a high forehead and you can post photos of your dogs anytime. And I kept thinking I was going to get virtual bonked in the head with those 10 foot arms of your in the dance video! (I laughed so hard!) There are plenty of boring blogs out there to read about a whole lotta perfect nothing. You are a breath of fresh air...Keep it up!

You are great!!! You make me smile everyday.

i love when people think that you actually want their opinions or that you might read one of their offbase remarks and go "hmmm...you're right sir. i should never have kids" because that's what we all do you know, take the opinions of people who have nothing to do with our lives and make it a reality.
sigh.
your writing always makes me smile for what it's worth.

Wow there are some seriously sick puppies out there...

I fucking love your page, it makes me laugh every time I come here. Then again, I think balancing stuff on animals heads is hilarious, and I have a huge forehead too, so maybe I'm just biased...LOL

Ugh, I wish we could all chip in and hire you an assistant to screen email for you. It would be win-win: less exposure to rank, illiterate negativity and more free time to spend autistically thumbing your nose at God...

Yowza! There really are some twisted people out there. I don't think I'd have the patience to deal with them in the manner in which you have.

Then again, maybe you should try to be a better writer like Ashlee. She's got that whole grammar thing down. Unfortunately, she also seems to be abusing an Oxy prescription.

I have no actual comment just a collection of gestures, sighs and eye rolls as I read each comment. Damn here comes another one (head thunks down onto desk followed by deep sigh.

I stumbled across your blog about two months ago and have been hooked ever since. I re-read some of your archives after you mentioned/linked topics about depression because I too have suffered from depression, and I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. I am about to get married, and one day if I'm lucky enough to have children I hope I can be half as cool of a mom as you seem to be with Leta. You have been through so much with your post-partum, and it is obvious there has never been a moment you didn't stop loving her. Thank you so much for documenting everything you've been through- you are truely a survivor and such an inspiration. :)

I cannot imagine ever sending any messages as hateful as these to anyone. I guess I'm naive because I can't imagine the kind of person who would.

Congratulations to you for being able to laugh about it.

Do you ever suspect that people are sending you some of these more bizarre emails the way that people audition for American Idol knowing that they don't have an ounce of talent in their entire body? Your hate mail just gets more deranged-sounding every time.

I'm sorry that people write this stuff to you, but reading it CRACKS me up. How does what you write and how you live affect them? I love your blog, it is real, I am a mom and know how it is!! Keep it up.
I'd love to meet Ashlee, just to see her. Then to mock her, of course.

Agnes seems like a real gem... Those bumper stickers that say "Jesus loves you, but I think you are an asshole" were crafted just for the likes of her.

Sorry your world is full of a-holes (and I'm not just talking about Coco wanting to disco dance early in the morning.)

Why do you incite such passion from strangers? All I feel when i read your site is humor and jealousy. Jealousy because i don't have your life. Or your photo talents...and my dog won't balance anything anywhere.

I get some sick pleasure from your sarcastic responses to those awful people that send you shitty emails. Thanks Heather! You make my workday tolerable!

Oh my gosh, these letters were so hateful. You are right, these people go home pick at their zits and wipe them on their pillow because nobody is there to see them or care about them. Your writing is awesome Heather and I check everyday for a new post.

heather,

you rock!

whatever happened to "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all"? sheesh.

it just goes to show that whenever someone spouts offs it's a reflection of them.

thanks for sharing these. mean people suck.

I love the Chuck pictures.

Leta is beautiful, and so are you.

You're very gracious, not publishing the email addresses of these nasty people. Rock on, Heather.

So, I read you every day, and I think you guys are all fabulous. your sense of humor is inspiring, and it is always so refreshing to hear other people talk about organized religion as madness. I spend most of my time reading very dry academic writing (I'm a grad student) and I KNOW boring. There is nothing in the least bit boring about this site. I come here to escape boring.

I also owe you many thanks: I had been begging my husband for a second dog, and when he saw the first pictures of Coco, he caved. I think we've had an easier time with Artoo than you have with Coco, but I'm sure our 6 year old dog, Jupiter can sympathize with Chuck. Jupiter does not thank you, by the way. Of course, he cannot balance anything at all on his head so what does he know.

I cannot believe how nice you were in your responses to these complete idiots. It truly saddens me to know that there are such judgemental assholes roaming this planet. And I don't get it, if they hate you so much why do they spend so much time not only reading what you have to say but responding to it?

And on a personal note, as a woman who has suffered both a miscarriage and postpartum depression, how dare someone insinuate that either thing is deserved. Because if that were true, I would hate to see the judgement and punishment God would place on them.

You know the only answer to this is:

MORE CHUCK!!!

Seriously. :) Love you Heather!

I'm thinking that your email's spam blocking needs to be set up to block mail from stupid people. Well maybe not, because then we wouldn't have gotten the pleasure of making fun of the jerks that wrote those notes.

Sounds like they are the ones who need Jesus. :) Or something!

I think Ashlee wrote her email while doing her remedial English homework, applying fresh masking tape to her glasses and wondering if anyone will notice her backne in her tank top that's three sizes too small.

Ah, such a great technological generation I've been blessed to grow up in- where people get to hide behind their ignorance and the anonymity of the internets.

*picking self up off of floor* You are so gosh durn funny, I almost fell out of my chair. That's kind of embarassing at work, 'specially when you're not *supposed* to be on the Internet.

I think in real life we'd be friends. :-) In the meantime, I'll just read you. By the way, I mention you in an upcoming post about why Google Reader is sooo cool. I tell everyone they should subscribe to Google Reader just so that they can add you to their feed. True story.

Don't you think Jesus would be totally pissed if he heard Agnes talkin' smack like that. I think Agnes better watch out.

I heart you.
I heart your website.
I heart your writing.

I heart the fact that you don't let the scumjobs of the world stop you from doing something that I think is great.

I don't heart the asshats who write things like that and I think they are sad and miserable.

Thank you for being you!

i think you're a goddess. and i'm not even drunk right now.

those asswipes need to get laid.

i'm linking to your blog. :D

My blood is boiling! Would it be lowering myself to their level if I summed them up as a bunch of crackheads? PS - I'm a mom of 2 young kids and L-O-V-E your blog. Your writing cracks me up and I only wish I would have started reading earlier.

WTF? Heather, I think that next time you should post their email addresses so that we can all send them hate mail and let them know what it feels like.

Screw these people.

Love your blog. Thanks for being a badass. You're an inspiration. :-)

Man!! Are those real? About balancing stuff on your dog's head..I'd like to see anyone with a dog try that one. I think it's pretty cool that you've been able to have your dogs be so disciplined. I try with mine, he can't help but eat what I try to balance, before I get a chance to balance it.

I love your dogs. Coco is adorable. And Chuck is a dog owner's dream.

Letta is cool and that much cooler cause she does unique things.

As far as the judgement of Christians from those e-mails, we're not all like that. Besides, who are they, when you've gotten awards for this site?

I wait impatiently for you to put pictures up EVERY day. It keeps me sane at work! :)

I love the posts where you share emails/comments you've gotten. I think your responses are so witty and funny. You are a great writer!

Wow. What a bunch of assholes. (Wait no, not ".", I mean "!!!!!") Your commentary was spot on and hilarious as always. I need a fucking drink just after reading that crap. Thanks for being so brave and putting yourself out there. You are always a bright spot in my usually otherwise bleak days. You help more than you realize. I hope these jerks get theirs someday.

I think we ought to set Ashlee up with sb700 and hope it's a long distance relationship. Because oh my god, can you imagine the emails between them? There would be so many errant commas and exclamation points, there wouldn't even be any room for actual words.

Which would probably be a relief to Ashlee, actually, because it'd mean she wouldn't have to worry about spelling them.

Possibly sb700 was simply suffering from fumble fingers and actually meant to say:

"I think you are the artistic one in your family!!!"

I can dream, can't I?

Add me to the list of the legions who love your writing and wish you and your family well.

i promise i wasnt that one from cali.
although i have been known to sit on the toilet for two years.

i get my fair share of shitty emails/anon comments-and the next time i get one, i am replying back with a link to this entry.

i really, really do hope you have moved past comments like these and have stopped doing what i do: alternately believing what they write and kicking my own ass for believing what they write.

Thank you for your blog. It is a bright moment in my day, where I am reminded that we are all stumbling, questioning, living to the best of our abilities, and finding joy where we can. Leta is beautiful and is lucky to be raised by a mother with your wit, grace, and values. Reading the negative comments reminded me of a time when I worked with emotionally disturbed violent children. These are the ramblings of cold, lonely people who life has treated harshly. They are all the lady with the orange stockings around her ankles and we can only feel sorry for them.

I'm a recent visitor to your website, and I'm f*cking tickled by your writing, your web design, and your love for your family.

This is my first semester writing for my university's newspaper as the sex columnist, and I've been forced to deal with some not-so-nice comments myself.

After crying four and a half tears, I swore I'd never read the comments posted on the web version again and special-ordered a thicker skin.

How I'd love to take a verbal Hanzo sword to the prudish douchejobs who can't figure out why a college paper would have a sex column in it.

You are lucky you own your own website and are allowed to rebuke the rudeness.

Keep on rockin', and ignore the douchejobs.

I fail to understand, if someone hates you so much, why do they spend their time saying hateful things to you? The mind boggles.
The ones about Leta and the miscarriage would make me want to kick that person straight in the neck, but the way you handle it with humor makes me very envious.

Ashlee's comment made me laught out loud. I don't know if I could keep a thick skin about emails like those... so just in case they ever get to you, know that my whole family loves your site and thinks you are a great mom who Leta will be proud of when she's a grown up.

Thank you for sharing your life with us, Heather.

Sending love and rainbows and glitter! (not the movie, Glitter - that would be like sending hatemail, which I would like to encourage people NOT to do...)

I think there must be a certain number of people who are trying to look up the word "Douche" because someone has called them that and they didn't know the meaning and mispelled it and found your site...that has to be the reason for the haters.

I think you should do a post of the nice things people write to you, Im sure you get lots of those too!

You have to know you're doing something right when you've got folks like these NOT in your corner. Reading your website makes me happy. Goes great with a cup of coffee.

Holy Crap! People are rude. Oh my gosh! This is why I want to sit in my house with all the shades drawn and pretend like there is no outside world. Or, like my sister says, "Only crack the door of your life a little. The minute someone tries to push it open, slam it shut and run the hell the other way!" I think you've handled these freaks beautifully and with as much class as you handle your blogs. That's why I'm a bff (blog fan forever)!

i enjoy your blog because it often makes me smile. until today, i've been content as a lurker but the rudeness of these people has forced me to comment. i cannot believe people can be so hateful. regardless of what they think about you, your parenting, your dog, your life... those comments are appalling and completely out of line. though you obviously don't take their lunacy seriously (high-five!), i'm sorry you even have to deal with that kind of stuff. i imagine they are the kind of people that only feel good about themselves when they're putting other people down.

You are the only blogger who makes me laugh out loud. And cry. Sometimes at the same time. Thank you for that! You are an inspiration, both as a writer and a mother.

Thank you for outing nasty people who send nasty e-mails to people who write blogs that nasty people don't have to, but chose to click on.

Those nasty bitches need to be kicked in the schlitterbahn.

Love it. I almost wet my pants in excitement when I saw that you had posted an Exclamation Point entry. Thanks for making my day.

C'mon. Tell the truth. Kent is Chuck's super secret internet pseudonym. He sent that one from the basement.

But as much as I'd been looking forward to a new edition of The Exclamation Point, that e-mail from Agnes is just revolting. I wish you were as disrespectful and self-righteous as she is and published her e-mail address. She felt the need to "share" her "opinion." I'm sure there's many of us who would like to return the favor. Y'know, give back. It's the Christian thing to do.

It truly boggles the mind, that these lovely people can manage to find time to take out of their perfect lives to so generously come here to the internets to tell you how you're doing things all wrong. Bless their little hearts.

And I think Kent wins the award for the best line of the lot with "In fact, it's dumb. And stupid."

Thank you, Heather, for sharing these gems with those of us who aren't "lame" enough to merit hatemail of our own!

What's 5-head? And where do you have to be from to be familiar with that term?

Jeesh - I can't believe the stuff people write to you!! You have a great attitude about it, though. Thanks for doing what you do - your site is a daily stop for me! :)

OMG!!! (I do loves the exclamation points!) Boy, Heather, you certainly have to be resilient to handle the shit random people throw at you. I guess the anonymity factor really brings out the rampant assholery of some people's personalities. Oh well, keep doing what you do, because the vast majority of us LOVE IT!

I cannot believe all of the hate mail you get. i just started reading your site about a year ago and love it...i'm hooked. People have no right telling you how to raise your daughter or give their opinions of whether you should be having another child or not. Ignore these haters and keep on keepin on! lol

Don't you think it'd be nice to publish the actual email addresses of these folks, instead of just their first names? I sure do. Seems as though it would be perfectly legal as well. :-)

I just wanted to add, having now read all the other supportive comments that have flooded in so far - what a great lot your normal, non-hatemail sending, readers are. Many of their comments are so hilarious they are truly worthy of you. I feel proud to be in such illustrious Comment company!

Thanks for the laugh Heather. I hope you know you’re a brilliant woman, because you put nothing but enlightenment in your entries.

I am bipolar and some days the only thing that keeps me going is wondering, "what will be on Chuck's head today?"

I love your site, love your honesty and bravery, and just generally think you are awesome. Don't let the bastards grind you down.

Oh no, people don't really write this stuff, do they? DO THEY? And owie, these wingnuts seem worse than the last bunch.

Just 2 things:

1. Leta is BEAUTIFUL!!! You take amazing pictures of her.
2. The hateful douchebags should really get a life...oh yeah, and learn how to spell for pete's sake.

Oh, thank God for your smackdown/"exclamation point, long overdue edition." Because your addictive brand of hyperbole, wit and sarcasm was confusing the hell out of me.

These commenters must be the same people who call talk radio shows to rant about the host, thinking there's no "cancel call" button that lets the host have the last word.

Ashlee is clearly a 12 year old who got her education through teeny bopper chatrooms.

The one about your miscarriage made me gasp. But it shouldn't have, because it isn't surprising that "good Christians" are some of the meanest people around ...

Customer feedback is fun. Life would be so dull without it.

I've been a fan since for several years now and my dog envy's Chuck's sense of balance.

Hey Heather -

I'm a long-time reader, and I haven't e-mailed you or commented in forever, but Jesus H., dude. I swear, mean people on the 'net make a beeline for YOU specifically. I have no idea how this happens; what, they just wake up in the morning and are all, "Let's totally verbally abuse dooce today!"? I fail to understand what exactly they are hoping to accomplish with the bullying.

But it is crystal clear to me that these people really, really need to get laid. Seriously. There needs to be some kind of a program for them - maybe a 1-800 # they can call, and have a hooker just sent to their houses post haste? Of course, then I wouldn't be able to read your awesome replies to their ridiculous e-mails, but I'm trying to think of the greater good here.

I still promote you to everyone I know,
Steph

Being #5 in the world, you're always going to have some haters =)
Thanks so much for the laughs!!!

Your so dum bicuz you dont::::::: now that peepul hoo sit on toilit seets for too years;;;;;;;only live here in kansis!!!!!

Wow. Sometimes I find myself wishing I get comments and email. Now I know that I'm way lucky to not be bombarded!

What's most amazing about the haters is they forget the #1 rule of popular culture: if you ignore it, it will go away.

If they hate you so much, why don't they just leave this site and never return. If a large enough number of people did this, the hits would drop and Dooce would no longer be a going financial concern.

And there you have it, they'd have their fondest wish and you'd stop writing and get a real job. Instead, they'll keep visiting the site because they hate you so much. And you can keep laughing all the way to the bank.

Despite all the hateful this that went through my head, I can sum it up with two three-letter words: UGH! and WTF?

Congratulations for handling this insanity with far more grace and composure than I ever could...And sharing it with us, the humbled readers.

Ooookaaaayyy...you won't say it so I will.
Fuck you people.
Think they got the point?
Here's the deal, they crossed the line when they started talking about Leta. She's off limits. The fact that you share ANYTHING about her is a gift.
(excuse me for a sec, while I jump up on my soap box.)
You are a fantastic mother. The letters you post have made me laugh and cry. There isn't a mother out there that hasn't felt like you have at one point or antoher. All that comes through is how much you love that kid.
Keep doing what you're doing. In the words of my mother on a particularly bad day..."Fuck em honey"

OH MY GOD,,,,,, I LOVE YOUR HATE MAIL!!!!!!!!!!

The sheer unmitigated gall of these people!

How dare they? Seriously how do they dare to write poisonous bile like that to someone who has never done a thing to them?

Although, have you done something to them?

With, maybe, electrodes?

Because if not, I am completely free over the long Easter weekend to help you with that project.

whoa. i had no idea your blog sparked so much rage in people. i find your blog incredibly hilarious, and it makes people like myself feel less alone in their weird thoughts of parenthood, and life in general. you rule. eff them. :)

Had to post twice: When I entered the previous comment the authentication code was the last name of a former boyfriend...Creepy.

Hat tip to you, Heather!

One word. Dillholes. I don't know, but it's the only word that comes to mind.
Thank you for gracefully sharing your humor with us. I think you rock.

Holy crap, I don't know how you stand the stupidity! I'm amazed that you ever open your posts for comments. For every hateful comment you get I'm hoping you get 100 good ones.

And Leta is adorable!

The hells kind of person offers that sort of condolence for a miscarriage? My jaw almost hit the damn floor.

To all those people out there who claim to hate you because you (multiple choice):
A. Don't believe in God
B. Don't believe in the SAME God
C. Don't follow the SAME teachings of the SAME God
D. Choose to make your own choices about God
E. All of the Above

The answer is simple: It's my immortal soul, so you can go ahead and bite me.

I'm curious as to why a person like Agnes for being in a position as she is in why she would send such a hurtful comment in regards to something so painful. It makes no sense at all. Heather, I'm glad that you can take a step back, see through the bullshit and know better. Agnes is on a level playing field as the rest of us... no matter what the hell she thinks. She put herself there by being so spiteful.

I'm betting the people who bash your parenting skills don't have children...or have nannies who take care of their kids for them. I am the mother of one daughter and she is beautiful...and I feel I'm a pretty good mother (not perfect...there's no such thing) and I've never been unpset by what you did/had to say about motherhood. We all have our own struggles in parenting. Just keep doing your best!!

My first question... Why do I heart this blog so???
Many XX's and OO's to you!! I can't seem to get enough.

You rock!

I've recently had trouble from some punk-ass college kids on a debate forum... I wish I could afford your services as my on-line spokesperson so you could respond on my behalf.

I love the blog and your responses made my day!

You are an amazing woman, Heather B! I love this website and it daily gives me a laugh which we all could use more of. I think even more highly of you now for publishing these vile comments you receianyved. You are the bigger person, my dear. Keep on doing what you're doing and being who you are because you give alot of happiness to so many.

Why am I still surprised by the amount of hatred out there?

I love your site. Your posts about depression and parenting have helped me not feel so alone. Thank you!

Vell, vell, vell...

Sounds like some fundamentalist Mormons want to baptize you repeatedly while scrubbing behind your ears and tongue with Ajax. I imagine that would be more satisfying to them than, say, keeping the commandments, including the teeny-weeny one with "neighbor," "love," and "Thou shalt." I'm not Mormon bashing because I'm not into self-flagellation, just idiot knocking. It's for them that we must have so many meetings where we repeat the same basic messages. Unfortunately, punctuation is not taught, not that it would do any good in these cases. Once a month services would be better.

Contrary to your good readers' assertions, and if pressed, I would postulate that you're going to Heaven. Mormon Heaven. But you might not like that. Humm. Okay, how about: Your application will be undoubtedly accepted wherever you want to send it. You can join me in Margaritaville, if you'd like. No winter. (Watch out for the pop tops.) But then Jon's probably not into the soundtrack....

You are beautiful and brilliant Heather.

What a riot it must be getting these really freaky emails from people "out there"...

Chuck is talented and adorable...I look forward to his new pictures everyday while drinking my first cup of coffee at work.

I think your letters to Leta are so beautiful, and she is going to really treasure those when she is older.

Thanks for sharing these amusing letters with us!

a. I can't believe someone would get so worked up about being bored because of something they CHOSE to do, that they would write an email about it.

b. This is pretty obvious, but I'm not sure where Ashlee gets off critiquing the writing of, well, anyone else. Especially because I strongly suspect she may have spelled her own name wrong.

Also, you are clearly awesome.

I especially liked how you reached out with your amazing telepathic powers and gave Kent "no choice but to click over and read your website". Poor man, pinned there to his desk chair, battered by the deadly mind-control of Heather A, trapped in a world he never made...

I agree, more Chuck-with-things-on-his-head. !!!!