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“Brigham Young University was ranked the top stone-cold sober school, the survey found.” (thanks Robin)

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(WARNING THE FOLLOWING FRACTION IS MAYBE THE SCARIEST PART OF ALL)

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“We’re doing a thing that normally results in a baby, but in this case only leads to severe chafing and lifelong nightmares of being chased by a giant pink wolf through a swamp.”

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In New York, everybody was just as weird as me, and it didn’t stop them from inventing and being creative and changing the world.

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Thank you, Barren Bitches Brigade. You can call me Doo-chay anytime.

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Utah represents!

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How to Wake Your Neighbors

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“To blame every American transgression on the culture is to absolve Americans of any responsibility for anything.”

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Woman Looks Great For A 32-Year-Old

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I don’t fucking like tornadoes.

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And polish your shoes, dear; a boy notices that sort of thing.

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The Story About the Baby

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You are not aware, no doubt, of how Thinsulate can muffle the booty as it pows and bams and does what the very, very hot booties do.

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My labor story as illustrated by the lovely, the inimitable, the couldn’t possibly be any more talented Claire Robertson.

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Leaving you broke my heart. (Thursday, March 18, 2004)

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Guaranteed to alienate all Cherokees and rape victims!

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DotMoms: “The worst job I’ve ever done”

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Mama’s in charge of what goes into the baby, Papa’s in charge of what comes out of the baby.

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Ten Things I Miss About My Pre-Mommy Life

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Ten Things: Tits

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The imminent parental denial apocalypse of he’s just a little boy and little boys don’t play like little girls, you total fucking bitch.

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So this is how our first day ends. Finishing our 10th drink of the night in an empty hotel bar. Listening to Peter Cetera. Sober as a Mormon.

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One-third of the family just took a dump in its pants.

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Talk about dishonorable discharge!

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Louder than a chainsaw at arm’s length

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His Perspective

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CEO’s Marital Duties Outsourced To Mexican Groundskeeper

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TMN Roundtable: New Fathers

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Holy Matrimony

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Tremble

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Mom Finds Out About Blog (thanks Jason)

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An Orgasm of Shit

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Ten things I hate about being pregnant (thanks jen)

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A Catch

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The smell of cinnamon and soil.

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Blog Bust-Up

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The Secondhand Smoking Gun

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The Problem With Music, by Steve Albini

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TiVo’d

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The all caps, completely insane comments being left every day at Blurbomat on the whore pages of Christina Aguilera and Paris Hilton.

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Things We Have Learned (About Pirates) (via TMN)

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A love song to bastard pop

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Happy Birthday Poems for an Ex-Boyfriend

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Bless This Din

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Daring Fireball: Independent Days

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The Summer of Fuck

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Animals I Enjoy Imagining

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Under your thumb

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An ‘Office’ we all know

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Branded for Life

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How crazy would I have to make my signature before someone would actually notice?

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Note to My Mother-in-Law Outlining Protocol for Babysitting My Son for the First Time

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Different Strokes for different folks

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Textism

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Sourbob Says So Long

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I so wasn’t kidding when I said that I needed to know how to do this to be even marginally accepted as a resident of Utah.

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Taking Charge of Your Fertility

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The dullest blog in the world

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All Of Family’s Neuroses Projected Onto Dog

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Lost in Transit

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Cereal boxes lie, but Carmen keeps it real

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Running With Scissors

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Protest Music is Alive and Kicking

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Media drops the “Boom!”

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Chomsky on War: ZNet forum questions and responses

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Life of Crime

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God Finally Gives Shout-Out Back To All His Niggaz

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The Morning After “Shock and Awe”

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50 Things I did Not Do This Weekend

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The Pentagon’s New Map (not because I necessarily agree with this, it’s just an interesting read)

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Flow My Tears, The 12-Ounce Can Said (I know I’ve linked to this site recently, but it’s just so damn funny)

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Trying for normal

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When Can I Go Into The Supermarket and Buy What I Need With My Good Looks?

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Think In Prose, Hear The Music, Shit My Pants

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Smug: Maxim

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Out for a century

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Brand USA

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My Vibrating Muffler

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Kenneth Cole is a Whore

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Noam Chomsky on the Drug-Terror Link

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A Short Story About the Academy Awards

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Christ Converts To Islam

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When the Babes Beat Up the Boys

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Sharpeworld

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President: "I Did Not Have Improper Relations With That Woman: Miss Enron"

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The Recession Chic Lie

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Aspirin Taken Daily With Fifth Of Bourbon Greatly Reduces Awareness Of Heart Attacks

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Kid Rock Starves To Death: MP3 Piracy Blamed

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The Least Essential Albums of 2001

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Christian Right Lobbies To Overturn Second Law Of Thermodynamics

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Mormon Teen Loses Inhibitions After Third Benadryl

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Office Party Survival Guide

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Sylloge

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NextDraft

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Embracing Post-Traumatic Sex

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Housewife Charged In Sex- For- Security Scam

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Jules Rules!

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A War Without Sacrifice

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Fox Defends Airing Of When Jews Attack

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The Blind Assasin, Margaret Atwood

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10 Things to Know About the Middle East

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The title that wasn't there

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Expo Dry Erase Markers

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Propaganda, American-style

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Erasing.org

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Forecasting The End Of LA

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Cell Phone Radiation Charts

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The Big Takeover

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The Brothers, by Frederick Barthelme

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Shan's Dissection of MTV's Real World

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The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho

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My journals from college. They aren't funny.

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The back of the Wheaties box.

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Paul Rand

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Keeping the Rabble in Line, Noam Chomsky