dooce.com

Nightline segment

dooce — Mon, 12 May 2008 10:28:27 -0600

Just got a call from the producer at ABC who said that the Nightline piece they filmed here a couple of weeks ago is running tonight. Don't know whether or not they are going to run any footage of it on Good Morning America tomorrow morning like they originally planned to do, but I cannot wait to see how this one turned out. It's always interesting to see how things are edited and sometimes cobbled together, like the teaser the local Fox station ran with the menacing voiceover that said DOOCE ON THE LOOSE! THE VICIOUSLY VULGAR MOM! And it totally made viewers think that if they watched the piece they'd come away with some sort of gooey film in-between their fingers. Or a cold sore. For about a week after that teaser I'd walk up to strangers and go DOOCE ON THE LOOSE! And then kick my leg in the air with a roaring HA-CHA!

I recommend you try this. Although you might want to stretch first.

I'm writing up my impressions of the Today show experience right now and will post them soon, including the part where Kathie Lee Gifford totally hit on me. I am not even kidding.

by dooce in Nubbin

William stapler

dooce — Mon, 12 May 2008 09:53:25 -0600

We stopped into the The Metropolitan Museum of Art store in Rockefeller Center and found quite a few things that I deemed necessary to lug around the city and then onto the plane with me. About 20 pounds of things. This stapler is one of them. That's William, the unofficial mascot of The Metropolitan Museum of Art, and it's adapted from an ancient Egyptian faience sculpture. Which I guess is a fancy way of saying that those ancient guys liked hippos almost as much as I do.

by dooce in Daily Style

Morley

dooce — Mon, 12 May 2008 09:47:56 -0600

I asked him what he thought about my new dangly earrings and he was all, ai yi yi, what are you doing to me? The sight of those things makes my sciatica act up.

by dooce in Daily Chuck

Limoncello

dooce — Mon, 12 May 2008 09:41:24 -0600

After we finished our epic journey through the Today show studios on Wednesday we ended up back at the hotel to deconstruct what had just happened. And we ordered two limoncellos to lube our brains a bit and celebrate the fact that it was over. Cheers! to the burning acid in Kathie Lee's belly! BURN! BURN!

by dooce in Daily Photo

Did this week just really happen?

dooce — Fri, 09 May 2008 12:21:31 -0600

Jon and I got home last night at about midnight after an endless day of navigating the avenues and streets of New York City. There has been quite an uproar over what happened (and didn't happen) during my "Today" show segment, and I have a few things to say about it including some behind the scenes shots and commentary. Including the part where my husband and I suddenly and inexplicably switched roles, and he became the one in the room going HOW CAN I MAKE EVERYONE UNCOMFORTABLE and I was the one going PLEASE KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN, ALSO YOUR CLEAVAGE IS INAPPROPRIATE. I became the Victorian schoolmaster. He became the foul-mouthed pole dancer. I blame all that cocaine NBC forced us to snort before my segment.

But I'm barely able to sit up straight right now having developed a serious sinus infection and head cold that just this morning took away my voice. This is entirely my father's fault, a result of his careless and cruel scheming, and I want to collect a small Tupperware container of my neon green phlegm, drive over to his house and then use it to paint MEANIE! on the rear window of his car.

Because when your daughter has had insomnia for two weeks and just this minute finished taping a live segment on national television that will forever brand her The Woman Who Made Kathy Lee Gifford Uneasy, you do not casually mention over the phone that yeah, things are going great with the granddaughter, except one tiny little thing, not a big deal, but you know how her long, gorgeous hair keeps falling into her eyes? Yeah, that became more of a problem than he wanted to deal with, so he just cut it. Just a little trim. Snip snip here, snip snip there. But it looks fine, don't worry, when I get home I can even out the ends if I want to.

My heart stopped immediately, the room started turning flips, and right before I died I had a vision of my daughter reaching back to flip her hair with her hands only to be met with empty air, her face now framed by the jagged, sinister line of a hairdo my dad once saw on a mannequin at Sears just outside Louisville, Kentucky. In 1972. Something that screamed I'MMA FROM THE CITY! LEMME SHOW YOU MY INDOOR TOILET!

And then he started cackling. There was actual cackling erupting from my cell phone, and I can guarantee that if I had actually died from the shock of thinking my daughter had been given an impromptu mullet that my dad would have stood up at my funeral and beamed about how he had gotten me that time! No, of course he hadn't cut my daughter's hair, he just wanted to jar my heart enough that it would compromise my immune system. And here I am two days later, my heart still skipping a beat every other minute. I guess this means we're even because this is probably what his gut feels like every time he pulls up my website. Will she or won't she mention his name in the same sentence as the word poop? HE NEVER KNOWS.

by dooce in Daily

Handmade bird by Ann Wood

dooce — Fri, 09 May 2008 11:27:55 -0600

I have wanted one of these birds for months ever since I heard about it on design*sponge, and when I was in Brooklyn on Wednesday I stopped in Cog & Pearl and found a few of them tucked away in a corner for sale. They're handmade by the lovely Ann Wood with mostly vintage and antique fabric and then stuffed with wool. I could not believe I was seeing them in real life, so I chose my favorite one and told Jon that this would be his mother's day gift to me. This and a giant plate of bacon served in bed while he scratched behind my ears. And maybe a Ferrari.

by dooce in Daily Style

We're gonna catch a big one!

dooce — Fri, 09 May 2008 11:00:39 -0600

I haven't ever told this story, but we got Coco from the (are you ready to concentrate?) father of the girlfriend of Jon's nephew. He and his wife owned two miniature Australian Shepherds and wanted to breed them once and only once. Coco was the biggest in the litter, and one day back at the beginning of January we met Jon's nephew and his girlfriend at a local park so that we could take a look at two of the puppies. Coco was one of them, and I remember seeing her for the first time, how she resembled the dog in the children's book We're Going on a Bear Hunt. She was the feistier of the two, and I fell in love with her markings, so we chose her. It also helped that Chuck showed no interest in eating her for breakfast.

This photo really captures the beauty of her markings, and you see that grin on her face? You bet this roller coaster ride of her puppyhood has been worth it.

by dooce in Daily Chuck

Chrysler building as scenery

dooce — Fri, 09 May 2008 10:49:10 -0600

This is a view of the Chrysler building from 42nd Street on the north side of Bryant Park. The weather was spectacular, more than I could have hoped for, and when people made comments about the weather, like isn't this nice? I was all, seriously, you have no idea, I would have given New York City a blow job just for the fact that it wasn't snowing. But this? This was so nice that I might as well go ahead and do something really meaningful and hold its hand.

by dooce in Daily Photo

One tiny speck

dooce — Thu, 08 May 2008 07:02:58 -0600

Yesterday we had a few hours to walk around the city and take photos, so we walked slowly from our hotel over to Grand Central Station. We stopped every block or so to stare up at the sky and the feeling was not unlike what I imagine an ant feels like right before you stomp it out with your boot. This one was taken on the corner of 42 Street and Broadway. I'm really loving New York this trip.

by dooce in Daily Photo

Small oval vase

dooce — Thu, 08 May 2008 06:44:36 -0600

I have a large collection of clear glass vases, all shapes and sizes, that I keep randomly arranged on the counter top in the kitchen. I think I got this one and a few more like it at Target last fall, and I have so many because when everything blooms in spring I want to have enough containers to fill my house with flowers. And so everywhere you turn in my home you'll see one or two flowers tucked into a corner here and there peeking out at you to signify THANK GOD THAT AWFUL WINTER IS OVER.

by dooce in Daily Style