Derek Powazek:

The Subliminal Reassurances of Procedural Dramas
"Law and Order - Don't worry, if you're shot and killed in New York, old, grumpy, alcoholic detectives will stand over you drinking coffee and they'll make at least one pun. After a half hour, your killer will be handed over to an old, grumpy, alcoholic district attorney with an astoundingly beautiful assistant who will bring them to justice ... unless it's sweeps, then they might lose or get hit by a car or something."

Alice Bradley:

I am haunted by hotness.
"Recently I’ve had to interview some wary subjects, many of whom Googled me and discovered that young men on the Internets are calling for 'more hot pics of Alice!!' One subject actually emailed me and asked, 'Is this you?'

Yes. For when I am not interviewing physicians, I am inevitably lying nude on a wood floor, rose petals tastefully shielding my nips. Then I settle in for a quiet evening of candle-making. Nude candle-making."