We haven't mowed our yard in a very long time, since perhaps Nixon was in office. Neighbors are starting to drop hints about property values and whatnot, and our friend Adam suggested we approach our yard like a mullet and just mow the front part, you know: business in front, party in the back. I think that's a fantastic idea except that our party in the back looks less like a mullet than the pimple-ridden, hairy back of a Turkish janitor.

This is my little way of saying, "Honey, I love you, now it's time to mow the lawn."