Begging for commentary
"Bershon is pretty much how you feel when you’re 13 and your parents make you wear a Christmas sweatshirt and then pose for a family picture, and you could not possibly summon one more ounce of disgust, but you’re also way too cool to really even DEAL with it, so you just make this face like you smelled something bad and sort of roll your eyes and seethe in a put-out manner." (quote from Sarah Brown, who can be seen feeling bershon here.)
Every photo of me from high school can be summed up in that one word, and I always have this look on my face that says I would so rather be studying for a test right now, and if I miss a question about the structure of a cell membrane and as a result don't get that full scholarship to college, you'll have to go to sleep every night knowing that you ruined my life with that stupid camera. Before you do that, though, let me move all 40 pounds of my hair around so that it's sitting in front of my left shoulder because it will definitely look better that way.
And also? The Second Coming? How awesome will it be?
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Heather talks about overcoming depression on today's Momversation.
- Me: "Hey Marlo, here's a vibrantly colored, squeaky toy made specifically for your age group!"
Marlo: "Got any knives?"
- @makeandtakes my pleasure! Had a great time with you guys!
- Woman v Tape: http://bit.ly/2a8ZU5 Final word: THIS MOUSE HAS CHANGED MY LIFE. Thank you, geeky husband. Also, thank you for not golfing.
1. JeniG said:
As much as I love the hair, I think the frosted pink lipstick is my absolute favorite part.
Incredible.
2. Bekah said:
I can't imagine how strong your neck muscles must be from carrying all that hair around.
3. JeniG said:
That and the awesome Mantle O' Jesus in the 2nd picture.
Dude, your hair is TOTALLY getting you into heaven.
4. Wendell77 said:
Wow, 'tis a mane indeed! Isn't it nice that we can look back at the past and laugh? Well, at least about our fashion choices? Once again, love your site! Wendell
5. san said:
wow. i am so jealous. i wish the hair that you had back then :)
6. beckyz said:
Thank you, thank you for "Bershon"!!
We all have photos like yours, shoulder pads and all. Now I finally can put a word to my crappy teenage attitude. Well, also put a word to my crappy 35 year-old attitude. :)
7. kerri said:
How did you wash! that hair? I groan and grumble when I have to spend anymore than ten minutes washing my hair.
And I love how business-savvy you look in that second shot. Like "Don't bother me, I'm on my way to an important business meeting. Or you know, to meet Jesus."
8. jon deal said:
Speaking as an old balding, fat guy....
That's a lot of hair. On a skinny person.
And my 16 year old daughter makes that EXACT same face all the time. Cool.
9. rivetergirl said:
Damn sistah, did you ever worry that there was going to be a mutiny and your hair would overthrow the rest of your body?
I totally see the second-coming enthusiasm in your left eye, right behind the contempt for those who don't know that Mormons rock.
10. staceymay said:
These pictures are priceless! All that hair totally explains why you like to keep it short now. Now can you show us your yearbook photos?
11. jes said:
Your hair is so long and gorgeous. Definitely protecting your chastity.
And that pink blazer? I have a feeling that the Avon World Sales Leader picked that out JUST FOR YOU.
12. Urs said:
omg- you had the most gorgeous hair!!!
13. Sally said:
Remember in gym class, in the locker room, when they had us bend forward so they could examine our spines for scoliosis? (They probably don't do that now.) Well, the reason we HAD scoliosis was because of all that big hair.
14. bellabugs_mom said:
At least you didn't have the tall "bangs" that touched the roof of the car on the way to school each morning.
If my house ever catches fire, I hope it takes those pics first...
15. Molicious said:
Damn you and your beautiful, shiny hair.
16. Kate said:
In the second picture, the book end to the left really looks like a guy getting a blow job. I really cannot figure out what it is. But nice shoulder pads.
17. snooker11 said:
your mom looks like Blanche form the Golden Girls. wow.
18. Y said:
I want to comment on the hair, I REALLY DO, but I can't get past the figurine in the left hand corner. WHAT IS GOING ON OVER THERE?
19. Broch said:
Hair looks great now, we've all had our bad hair days!
20. Girl con queso said:
Bershon + Hair = Almost as awesome as the second coming. Almost.
21. whiterockgirl said:
It was all about the space your hair occupied, wasn't it? You either spiked your hair to the ceiling or you grew it as long as you could. Did you use hair combs to keep it to the one side? And I bet your hair looked wicked in a banana clip too.
22. dancingnancy said:
Almost as awesome as the pink lipstick. The wavy hair, pink lipstick....did anyone honestly think that would come back to haunt us?
23. biscuitninja said:
oh man, i remember shoulder pads like that. who's design idea was that are were they blugeoned for it? i think that was a really odd fashion period. everything had shoulder pads.. even tshirts!!
24. doctor tongue said:
Yikes, that's a lot of hair! Maintained with the finest Avon products, no doubt.
25. Caleb Holt said:
You're killing me... seriously. I mean it. I'm laughing at work and my boss is going to come in and fire me. Then I'll be jobless and penniless and will have to scratch out a meager existance on the streets before hypothermia eventually strikes me down late one drizzly december evening.
Do you want that on your hands?
Also, new masthead nominee: "I'm got a degree in English"
26. surivalmode.scribbler said:
[Meryl Streep] + x = [Carrie Moss]
Solve for x?
What's your dad look like? (Sorry, just being curious.)
27. hg said:
Wow. That is some serious hair. And yes, the frosted pink lipstick completes the Avon look. Very nice.
28. Wendy said:
dude, that hair had to hurt. i'm surprised you don't have permanent damage from all that weight on one side.
i mean, uh... FIRST!!!!!11111ONETHOUSANDELEVENTYBILLION!
29. la_florecita said:
If that lipstick IS Avon, I think I had the same one.
Nice.
30. moose said:
I never thought I would applaud a large pastel blazer, but in a decade when most teenage girls are wearing baby t-shirts that show a good six inches of tummy, plus the two inches below the belly button where the jeans should be, but aren't (and did you get a bikini wax to wear those pants? because I didn't even know what a bikini wax was when I was your age), I say bring on the large pastel blazers!
I also say hooray for run-on sentences.
31. Logan said:
I know five gay men off the top of my head who'd sell their young (if they had young to sell) for just one wig of that hair.
It's a miracle you made it to the short-hair days without being attacked and scalped. Grow that shit back out, it's fabulous.
32. thisgirlremembers said:
You know, I think the very best part of the first photo is the cardboard rose bouquets stapled up on the screens. Really adds that extra bit of class.
33. Olivia said:
I can only imagine how long that hair took to wash. You'd need one of those forked garden tool things (because I've forgotten what to call them) to brush it.
34. cauloccoli said:
Heather, your mom is H.O.T. Now we know where you got it.
35. Star Shine said:
Totally bershom. And AMAZING tresses!
36. QASteph said:
Ok. Yes, there was a lot of it for such a small you. But the hair is actually very, very pretty. *My* eighth grade pictures show me with what can only be described as a poodle do. Permed and short and really just horrible all around. I'd destroy all of the pictures of that phase of my life except my friends have some of them...
37. Workman said:
Now that I see it, I think you had that facial expression for most of your freshman year at BYU, too.
38. HollyRhea.com said:
the shoulderpads!....ack, god...the shouldderpaaaadddds.
39. Pascha said:
Um, you know that bookend on the left? It looks a little sexual to me.
40. HDC said:
I'll refrain from comment since I have no better pictures of myself from the same period in my life. Gads, who doesn't have them?
If it makes you feel any better Heather, you are an absolute hottie now. Why do you think Jon can't help but grope you even when he's deathly ill?
41. Littlehoney said:
OMG I had that hair! I wish I still did. I think all my pictures around that time were Bershon. really.
I'm assuming that is the Avon World Sale's Leader - and she looks like a young Emily Gilmore in that photo. Pretty!
42. PixieMegh said:
Totally awesome hair! Now I have a mental picture of what the Avon World Sales Leader should look like. Were you Laurel class president too?
43. katester said:
I am joining that Flickr group right this very minute! Pure awesomeness.
44. stacylk said:
I think you look high in the first picture. Love that!
45. wifethereof said:
Yeah for shoulder pads! I'm still finding tubes of that frosted pink lipstick( that was soooo cool!) when I clean out cupboards.
Let me guess-in the frame of the second picture is a cross stitch that says "Families can be together forever" Scary thought huh?
46. Crystal said:
Is the figure on the left getting a blow job or just a lap dance?
47. emmak said:
Your expression is so, "I wish you would all just fuck off." I absolutely love it. I don't really understand how you don't look gross - my photos of me as a teen in the eighties feature neon pink outfits, bright blue eyeliner and home hair dye jobs which rendered my hair orange. Whereas you look quite stylish ... for the eighties.
48. bleeuw said:
You thought you looked so hot at the time. That's the best part.
49. Alana said:
That was so me! I don't miss having to get up hours before school, just so my hair would be dry, make-up would be perfect, and outfit would be great. Life's so much easier now that I don't care about those things!
We also took the required photos in front of the fireplace for every occasion, sans the strange figurines.
50. Trisha said:
When I was in highschool, I think a bunch of us had hair like that!
51. Valerie said:
My hair was very similar when I was in school. Good thing we had enough attitude as teenagers to carry around all of that hair!
52. MelanieinOrygun said:
Even as much as I loathe having long hair, and rejoice whenever I hack it back to above my shoulders, I have to say your hair was fucking GORGEOUS.
You had every right to show it off.
But the pink frosted lipstick? Not so much. Even though I think I owned that exact shade myownself, I have burnt all photographic evidence.
Heh.
53. Rachael said:
For some reason we called that same feeling 'brazilled' You are hilarious. Love the soft pink blazer in the second pic!
54. The Bold Soul said:
And your mother doesn't look all that excited either. She looks like she's basically holding onto you so you don't escape.
Great hair, though. Very 80's.
55. traci said:
I, among thousand of other had the same jesus praying statue. I dont know if ours was special but it wasnt glued to the base, and since Jesus is hollow it was a GREAT place to stash stuff because really, who is going to question Jesus for harboring dangerous goods?
I'm probably going to hell for that.
56. Stacie said:
We had all of those figurines too! I actually got to glaze my own Jesus, and did a sampler sampler saying "I Will Follow God's Plan for Me."
57. Stacie said:
We had all of those figurines too! I actually got to glaze my own Jesus, and did a sampler saying, "I Will Follow God's Plan for Me."
58. Anu said:
How can you complain about such lovely hair? Coming from a culture where your existence as a woman is in question if you don't have long hair (atleast thats what my MIL says :-)) I would gladly give away my right hand for hair like that.
59. wrensuicide said:
I can't believe you went from so much hair to so little hair. YOU HAVE BEEN UNBURDENED.
I have the best bershon picture in history. It is actually a sequence of pictures. In the first, I'm posing with my extended family. I am wearing a white sweater with green Christmas trees embroidered along the middle. I am rolling my eyes. In the second picture, everyone is looking down because I have collapsed in a heap on the floor, proving that I am WAY. TOO. COOL. for this nonsense. Yikes.
60. ortizzle said:
Holy cow.
*Locks of Love* (http://www.locksoflove.org/) would have loved those tresses as a donation!
61. Ryan Stewart said:
Damn, that's some fine hair. But the shoulder pads in #2 just make me hot and bothered.
62. Hemlock said:
Who didn't wear that god awful pearly pink lipstick? And who didn't love it!!!
63. PaintingChef said:
That is a LOT of hair.
64. SurprisingWoman said:
40 pounds of hair indeed. My lipstick was a bit whiter and had matching nail polish. I think it was called #32, I didn't have an Avon World Sales Leader for a mom. :(
Cute pictures. I can soooo relate.
65. DrKoob said:
It is just scary how much you look like Nikki from Big Love in the second picture. Really scary!
66. Arty Steph said:
first of all, are those shoulder pads in that jacket?? I think they are! very impressive!
and i don't know how your tiny body carried around all that hair. . .mind-boggling
67. Arty Steph said:
first of all, are those shoulder pads in that jacket?? I think they are! very impressive!
and i don't know how your tiny body carried around all that hair. . .mind-boggling
68. JennyK said:
Nice. At least you didn't have the monster unibang!
69. FashMags said:
Goodness gracious Heather!
That was some amazing hair! I can see where Leta gets it!
Tee hee.
70. Kissyface said:
I do apologize for the self-promotion inherent in directing you to a photo on my blog, but I don't know where else to locate it for you, and you simply must see it. Although there are fourteen kids, no doubt Mormon, only one wears the mask of Bershon. He is the baby.
http://beautifulcandy.blogspot.com/2006/08/blog-post.html
What, by the way, is the origin of that word?
71. Maniacal said:
You don't look like your mom at all.
She looks like she just said to you - "Oh get over it Heather it's just one picture, NOW SMILE!"
72. kdunk said:
you look like Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman it's truly amazing.
73. Mae said:
Silver City Pink by Revlon? Or Pink Sportiff by L'Oreal? Or...was it one of those tiny Avon samplers in the white tube?
74. JustLinda said:
I swear I saw you on The Facts of Life. You guest starred as Blair's best friend from boarding preschool, right? No? Then were you maybe the token white girl who hung out at the Huxtables house while studying with Denise for Hilliard?
Surely I saw you somewhere... that hair, that hair is just so familiar! hhahahaa
Just think of how much worse it is going to be for Leta. For every one photograph your mother took of you, you will have taken 1,000 of them of Leta. She cannot run, she cannot hide... make sure you take full advantage of the blackmail stage before she grows too old to care about it. I don't think I had to rake leaves for a good 4 or 5 years while my kids were worried about me showing pictures to their boyfriends. Muhahahaha....
75. KookieDangerous said:
Omigod!
I had this killer bob, pale pink frosted lips, matching pale nails, turquoise rayon blouse with the velcro shoulderpads, pleated patterned pegged pants, big bracelet, jazz flats, hoping and praying I looked like Ally Sheedy!
76. Diesel said:
Heather, I didn't know hair could grow that long. You could have clothed a village of small children with hair shirts.
77. No-Sister said:
Wow, I am SO GLAD there is now a word for that. I have examples, sadly, from a few different years. And...well...with different motivations.
http://no-sister.blogspot.com/2006/08/bershon.html
78. sarah said:
The straight up one-button pink blazer is almost as awesome as the hair. Ahh...I remember it well...the blazers with mock turtlenecks and stretch pants with my socks scrunched below. And then the "Australian scruncher" product with my "diffuser" and hours spent "scrunching my old perm" to create those hot waves. Ahh the memories....
79. thleen said:
OK, I agree with Kate....that statue on the left end of the mantel is very Michael.
And love the pink lips and pink blazer.
Rockin' in the USA!
80. Katy said:
Delurking to say, with hair like that, it's no wonder your Mom is the Avon World Sales Leader!
And, nice shoulder pads!
81. tk said:
Holy shit, that is some serious hair!!
Oh yeah, I remember the big hair of my teenage years as well. Long and permed rocker-chick hair. So I'm definitely not mocking the serious hair thing you had going on.... I feel ya sistah...
And I'm pretty sure there are a few photos of me with a similar expression....
By the way, I missed out on commenting on your post about the hatemail. Hmmmmm, I guess those of us that enjoy your website are apparently kissing your ass so you'll visit and/or comment on our blogs.... Well, I don't have a blog and I live nowhere in your vicinity so that I need to fear you running me down with your car, so I have no reason to kiss your ass and I love your blog. You make me laugh and laugh and there's nothing wrong with that. Keep it up. Those freak-show hatemailers can kiss my lily white ass...
82. kel said:
Aww. I like your mom's mom-mullet.
83. feministbitch said:
You went to prom with your mom? Cool! figures they allow that in Utah...
84. Lynnlaw said:
Is it possible that my boss is bershon every day? She bershonifies my office, really. Or can this only be applied to teen angst?
Needless to say, but really, the hair. Andie McDowell takes a total backseat to you there. I say you grow it out and go mass market with that mop! Beatiful.
85. wordgirl said:
And so it does...look better, I mean. The hair!! I was talking about the hair!
86. Amanda B. said:
You would have been disgusted with me in high school, I never paid attention in class or studied. But, since I was a pagan you might have wanted to save my eternal soul from the fires of hell, and that would have been awesome. I would have gone to church with you and worn my Def Leppard tshirt. Amen.
87. HeyMamma said:
You just make me laugh & you really look stoned.
88. SWSNBN said:
I grew my bangs out and made sure they were over my LEFT eye. Always! They had to be over to the side.
My picture was of me in the 8th grade. My expression says it all.
89. AndreaBT said:
Wow...you had you some awesome HAIR! The eyebrows were nice too ;)
90. Madame M. said:
The look of love and pride in your mom's face is heartbreaking in a good way. And there you were, being all bershon, and she still was loving you.
Sorry-- fresh out of sarcasm in the face of mom's love.
91. Skeezeroo said:
The bangs so high they hit the headliner on the late 70's model Cutlass Supreme on the way to high school were called Mall Bangs, or The Claw. Perfected with a big-barreled curling iron, teasing comb, and a fuckload of Aquanet.
Heather, your little mini-pic directly below your masthead, you know, where the bottom part of your chin is cut out of the picture, up on the left, yep, that one. If you can be 30-something and bershon, that's definitely you, caught in a moment of bershonitude. :-)
92. Stacey said:
I love "bershon"! I must go tell one of my friends about it right away, as she has 3 girls age 12, 13, and 14...definitely bershon!
And I totally did the "butt length hair thrown over my shoulder" thing too. I felt so PRETTY.
93. feministbitch said:
Oops, I mean Tennessee. Even more acceptable there...
94. midwestgrrl said:
Say what you will about the shoulder pads but oh what I wouldn't have done for hair like that!
95. fernicus said:
Hot rollers or large barrel curling iron? My money is on hot rollers as they were my weapon of choice back in the day. The curling iron was only useful when sculpting one's gravity defying bangs. Speaking of, were you ever the proud owner of a giant plume of bangs?
I think I owned the same lip color. It was a frosted pink lip gloss that looked great after I fried myself in the sun. It was made by Avon.
96. bicycleirish said:
diggin' those shoulder pads--they were probably the kind that were sewed in (as opposed to velcro) because why would you ever want to take them out?
97. Michelle_K said:
Oh lordy-lordy. I used to do that hair thing, too, back when I too had long, wavy, golden-brown hair. Now it is short, spiky, and red, so I mostly go around looking like I have an angry Rhode Island Red roosting on my noggin.
I think everyone who has ever suffered the unbearable burden of being a schoolgirl before a camera has made that face before. You should see my highschool graduation photos...I look like an axe murderer in them. I was SO ready to be done.
98. Rita Arens said:
All of your twenty-something readers are dying with jealousy that they did not get to attend high school during the Hair Age of the late eighties.
I'm assuming you were working on about three feet of hair in those photos.
99. susieg53 said:
My former hair could beat your former hair. :) I was older, though (17-20), and in an earlier era (1970-73). So I was parting mine down the middle and fighting my waves to try to get my masses of hair straight!
100. Spamboy said:
That hair rocks...no doi!
101. Anne L. said:
^^^
Wow. no doi. That's going back. How about this... when you saw someone who was all bershon, we would all say, "I peel", or just "PEEL!!!" Or is that just my odd Catholic high school?
Also, past tense is PELT. As in, "ohmygod, I SO PELT for you last night when your Mom made you come inside before 8:30"
OK, my flashback is done...
102. eddeaux said:
Ha Ha. Those pictures are great. So very "I can't believe you are taking my picture." I love it.
103. Kate said:
Great eighties hair. It's gorgeous, by the way, even paired with a shapeless, one-button pink jacket and a cool death-stare.
104. Tiggerlane said:
I'm with Kate on the blowjob statue...though I know the Avon World Sales Leader would never allow such.
I find it strange that the Jesus statue appears to be close to one of those oriental dude statues...
LOVE the hair! But I can't find a single trace of a CTR ring, what gives?
105. Shalini said:
I wish my hair would grow that long. I think your hair is pretty... your mom has nice hair but very 80s... we should have a now picture for comparison :)
106. Jason said:
The hair isn't so bad, as I tend to like long hair on women, but please girl, Smile!
107. Becky..Absent Minded Housewife said:
Awww...what a sweet spirit!
I had boy short hair as a teen in the early '90s. A seminary teacher wondered out loud how I'd manage to get married if I did't improve my countenance.
I stared at him until it was apparent that my countenance was telling him to kiss my ass.
108. xtinemarie said:
My high school pictures, although more recent, are certainly no better. Braces, blonde highlights in almost-black hair, tomboy-ish clothing, jelly bracelets, no make-up, shiny skin, blah blah blah.
So bad. So very very bad.
109. SarahLou said:
that hair is amazing!
also, loving the bookends
110. Vida said:
So THAT's where all the hair that I was supposed to get at birth went. I'm practically bald next to you. Gah.
111. Candice said:
Your hair...was amazing.
112. doog said:
Those are TRESSES!
Impressive
113. Kathy B. said:
Just thought I'd let you know -- I can no longer read you (or Blurbomat) at work -- our IT department has determined that your sites are "in the category of adult content" and are blocked!
You should be proud!!!!
114. beadbeauty said:
Heather, I'm a first time poster. But I've read your site forever. You are hilarious. I'm a former Mormon and relate to so much that you have to say (oh my heck). My dad was born in Lehi, UT and I spent summers in Utah trying to get rid of my Texas accent. Now. Moving on to your hair- it's gorgeous. BUT THE LOOK? The look of complete and utter Napolean Dynamite ugh? That is so Mia Maid. Your mom looks like my MIL- sweet spirit. And I like your shoulder pads. With the hateful look, you could take on the 49ers!!! Too funny.
115. Sarcomical said:
i don't want to kiss ass here, but honestly regardless of the 40 pounds of hair (which is kind of hot actually) you look so damned pretty. pretty and pissed.
but you're right. the look is SO there. how many of us know that feeling? personally my sister and i had that look on our faces during each forced holiday posed photo. in front of the tree? check. in front of the easter baskets? check. behind our birthday cakes? check and check.
116. Sillicita said:
I doubt my mother would even deign to take a picture of me displaying my bershon ("For chrissake, Jennifer, would it kill you to smile already?"), I have no doubt it would have been while wearing my pleated light blue acid wash jeans tight rolled over my footless lace-edged leggings ('cause there's no way a Jersey girl wasn't tight rolling her jeans back in '91), my polka dotted big shirt with the collar up, black patent leather loafers, and my bad ass spiral perm. God, I almost miss those days.
And, yeah, your hair was effin' righteous.
117. goddesschristine said:
Holy mother.....that's like Barbie hair, you know, when the hair is bigger than the girl?
118. bomnomore said:
LMAO! Heather, you're the girl at the church dance I always hated because all the guys wanted to dance to "Oh'L'Amour" with you. Damn you and your gorgeous hair!
119. Maya said:
I must agree with everybody else: your hair is/was incredible.
120. Jenny said:
oh you look so happy. i look retarded when i smile. so i dont even try.
121. Gooseberried said:
I didn't fit into the bershon category because I was too busy smiling in hopes of distracting picture viewers from the acne all over my face. Really white teeth are much more noticable than a skin condition that looks like the plague exploded all over your face, right? Thank God for very expensive acne medication and for my mom's money printing machine.
122. Kim E said:
I was so completely disgusted with everything around me for at least 4 teenage years. I had no idea that what I really was was bershaun.
123. Kim E said:
Btw, I love the look The Avon World Leader's face. It's like she's saying, 'Whatever, I know you hate me but shut up and smile. Or else.'
124. RealityChick said:
What the hell? When I first glanced at the background of the second picture all I see is a man bending over another man and engaging in a most un-holy act! I keep looking at it and still can't figure out what it is. Am I sick and twisted...or was all not as it seemed in that house Heather?
125. Billygean.co.uk said:
See now my hair used to be a bit like that. Thinner, maybe, but I had quite a lot of it. Now it's shoulder length and the shorter I go the more I realise the top of my hair is completely weird. I have cowlicks and funny baby hair and once my parting's got to the back it doesn't know what to do so it goes up.
Share your secrets! How did you go from big lion hair to short hair? Mine would revolt if cut short I am sure...
BG
126. sarandipity said:
Heather,
For the first time in a while, I laughed so hard I had to run to the bathroom to pee.
Thanks. I adore you.
127. frankensoul said:
2nd picture...on shelf, left side...uh, looks like a big 'ol BJ to me.
LOVE your hair, by the way...beautiful, but surely high-maintenance!!
128. Taegan7879 said:
Oh honey....the eyebrows! Your mother, as the Avon World Sales Leader, should have at least had the decency to help you thin those things down. Poor girl! I still hold a grudge against my mother for not introducing me to tweezers until AFTER high school. The bitch.
Nice hair though =)
129. meredith said:
Shoulder pad, shoulder pads,
ya gotta love the shoulder pads.
130. Weetzie said:
Well, I certainly hope you did something with all of that hair, such as: using it to knit sweaters, or giving it to birds for their nests.
131. Weetzie said:
Well, I certainly hope you did something with all of that hair, such as: using it to knit sweaters, or giving it to birds for their nests.
132. Seren said:
Oh my, that's hair all right. The first picture; I was struck my how much Leta looks like you. You're not going to make her carry a hair critter on her head too though, are you?!
133. Cauri said:
oh, wow,
Thank you for sharing your bershon at the start of my day =)
134. Brad Martin said:
I think I've got you beat although our facial expressions are definitely the same. I went to high school in the Deep South so my haircut was hair as long as yours with an undercut all the way up to my sidepart line then pulled back into a ponytail. Couple that with braces, acne, and gay club shirts (I don't know what I was thinking either) and you have a fair representation of what I looked like. It's a true testament to the uncontrollable hormones of teenagers that I got as much action as I did; that or I went to a school for the blind without realizing it.
135. Hets said:
That lipstick! was a staple in 8th grade. It came in a tube and didn't have a name. It was known simply (indicated by a sticker on the bottom of the tube) as "44". I swear. We used to ask each other, "Does anybody have some '44' I can use?" Those were the days. Also, ten bucks says, in that first picture, that you are at a wedding reception in a cultural hall. HA! I. love. it.
136. megagayguru said:
that hair is just amazing.
137. Thérèse said:
Wow. Huh. Um.
Your hair is very shiny.
And your mom (is that your mom? must be your mom) looks very regal.
138. GeekGirl said:
OMG Heather, you had total pr0n star hair!
/jealous
139. thejoyof said:
...The Avon World Sales Leader is workin' it!
140. the niffer said:
Holy shit that's a lot of hair! And you are such a little slip of a girl! How did you keep from tipping over?
141. BlogThatMommy said:
Your 40 pounds of hair looked much better than my bangs that were so tall it was impossible to capture them in the frame of one picture!
142. wealhtheow said:
Jesus wishes he had your hair.
143. Tippy said:
I think I have to take up use of this word, because it's much better than "can't be assed" or "fuck right offly."
So how long did it take to dry your hair?
144. jellyfish said:
Oh. *OH!* You're a brave, brave woman to post those photos.
I am so intrigued/obsessed by the whole idea of 'bershon' (which - does it even exist outside your country?) that I have been frantically trawling my own teenage album for an example. But none exist. Why? Because I survived the era by just plastering on the biggest, proudest, most desperate 'former child performer' smile OF ALL TIME across my face. It's like, "Okay. So I have glasses. And braces. And my mum has forced me into wearing a paisley vest and a little round indian hat with mirrors but I'm just gonna go EYES AND TEETH EYES AND TEETH and *maybe* NO ONE WILL NOTICE!"
145. Nancy said:
Oh, so YOU are the one responsible for all of that hair Leta has!
146. Culotte Folle said:
I'm sorry, I'm just completely overwhelmed by your Easter Egg pink oversized BLAZER WITH SHOULDER PADS to comment on the overtly sexual JESUS STATUES.
147. Rebecca said:
That is awesome.
148. Melissa said:
Heather, you've talked so much smack about your hair over the years, but I have to say, in these shots, ignoring the over-the-left-shoulder move, it's really, really beautiful. Seriously.
149. Ktkat said:
WOW! That hair is awesome! I heart your hair and covet it too. And you weren't only totally bitchin, you were definitely BERSHON!
150. Wonked said:
Dooce, we are about the same age. In the 80s I suspect we were a lot alike. I was also a smartass, with a heavier emphasis on the latter part of the word. I wore clothing from Chess King, played in the band, and at one point thought Dokken was actually good.
Please circle the things I said above you found cool. I think I might have a crush on you. If you don't circle anything, I don't really have a crush on you. In fact, I think you are kind of a hoser.
151. Elle said:
Are you ready for Leta's teenage disdain? It's the curse all mothers place on their teenage girls, that someday they will have a daughter just like them. Mine arrives in November.
152. Angy said:
Hi heather
I read you blog everyday and I must say I love it. Especially your letters to Leta. I admire your boldness to post those pictures my mom was addicted to taking pictures while we were growing up, she never cared what we were doing.
153. NuttyDutty said:
Your photos make me want to get mine out for a good laugh! I can tell you what grade I am in by the hair style:
7th & 8th....perfectly sculpted bangs that only hurican force winds could ruin. Spirl permed hair that is just past my shoulder blades.
9th...no more bangs, and now my sprial perm looks wet while it hangs over one eye and one shoulder. Hair is so long you can't see the end in the photo
10th...actually a very good picture! The lack of bangs has not turned into a poof, ,and I actually look cheery.
11th Grade...again, not so bad other than the fact that I'm wearing the same shirt my brother wore the previous year for his senior picture! I've perfected the poof as well.
Senior Photo: Forced to wear the poof (I had been wearing it split down the side and perfectly straight), and I got a hold of the hot rollers!
I've always hated my smile, but I think I look evil when I don't..........so hopefully the bad hair experiences hide that fact!
154. NuttyDutty said:
Why are the 80's coming back??? Leggings are coming back! Does this mean big hair will to?
I can only imagine what your shower drain looked like growing up!
155. Amber said:
Holy square-shouldered blazer, Batman!
156. Erik said:
wow, i think we had the same amount of hair! well, except yours was much longer. my high school pictures are terrible. my hair never grew longer, it just grew bigger.
157. Jennifer said:
Damn you. You had the hair I desperately have always wanted! But seriously, there is so much of it. I'm surprised you didn't fall over from the weight of it.
158. Mom O Matic said:
That's a lotta hair.
159. barbie2be said:
damn! that's a lot of hair.
160. Kukka-Maria said:
I see the shoulder pads have been addressed (as if I didn't sport them myself) and I'd thought I'd be clever and comment on the big bang trend that you seem to have avoided, but that's already been hit, too.
I'm pretty sure, in my 30's, I still pose with a face like that in extended-family photos!
161. ali said:
oh my god, that's like, every single picture from my childhood.
my daughter pouts like Paris Hilton in all her pictures...i can't figure out which is worse :)
162. Sherry said:
I'm so relieved to know I'm not the only one who had that look of exasperation and disgust in photos as a teenager.
The scary thing it that my almost-four-year-old looks like that in pictures sometimes which makes me wonder if I should back off with the camera just a little.
163. Momish said:
Hee Hee Hee. I have several shoe boxes full of pics like this, not to mention discarded shoulder pads. Joan Collins would be so jealous. Thanks for giving me yet another new vocabulary word. I love it! I have lived it! I will forever use it!
164. Piglet said:
Loving it and laughing, remembering all my big hair days.....
165. jenmarya said:
I'm wondering if Jon regrets never having had the chance to use those reins. I mean hair! Hair!
166. smoness said:
In that first picture, the Avon World Sales Leader looks as though through the powers of osmosis she will get you off the sauce. Does that pearly-pink lip gloss have LSD in it??
167. DanS said:
What is going on with that statue on the left? I agree that it does look like someone having sex. The second coming perhaps?
168. Cosmic Girl said:
I had to be removed from the floor appearing as though having a seizure when really laughing so hard - that hair! JC - I thought my 80's perm mistake and pale lips were bad, but that attachment on your shoulder takes the BERSHON biscuit.And that triangular cut jacket.
169. monkey said:
I went through a stage in my early teens where I refused to be photographed. Actually...I may still be in that stage. But when I was, I had that look.
Your hair is making my head hurt. As someone who had long hair for a good percentage of her life, I can feel the headaches and the extra weight just by looking at the pics. Which reminds me...I need a haircut.
170. HalfwayCrucified said:
Mom should have pinched your ass just before the shutter fell.
171. Suzanne Eller said:
I'm amazed at a blog that receives 600 comments. Wow. I too am impressed with the hair. : )
172. CrankMama said:
That hair could feed a family of 10!
173. Pattie said:
So that's where my old shoulderpads ended up!
Impressive hair, too--I've never been patient enough to grow it nearly that long. Love the facial expressions (lack thereof).
174. Sapphireblue said:
Okay, the blow job statue. Until I looked at the larger-size picture, I was sure it was going to be a statue of Jesus washing a random apostle's feet. (I think that happened at the Last Supper? Hopefully after dinner so as not to break bread with dirty-feet-hands.) There is this Christian bookstore near my house with a lifesize footwashing statue out front, which looks VERY m4m-oral-pr0n, especially as you drive up kind of behind the statue.
However---having zoomed in---it actually looks like Jesus washing a random apostle's knees. So... I got nuthin'.
Word on the big-hair love. If I were a shampoo-commercial talent scout I'd be making travel plans to Utah as we speak.
175. Pioneer Woman said:
Dang, you were morose. Where was the joy of the Holy Spirit?
I've never seen that much hair on a human head before. It's gawgeous. I had long hair, too, but I always split it in two and swept a big chunk on either side of my head. That way there was an ugly empty space on the back of my shirt with a few straggly hairs hanging down.
176. Laura S said:
It's the look on your face that made me laugh. I have teenagers and that's the same look they get when they have to pose for a picture. Some things never change. ;)
177. 6degrees said:
Looks like you are in need of a good bonking!(http://www.dooce.com/archives/daily/04_06_2005.html)
178. tracy.e said:
The old lattice background...was that a formal church dinner? With an area in the corner where you could get your picture taken, like you're at the prom...
179. monkeyaker said:
Bershon =
annoyed + cool + gigantic furry mustache-like eyebrows
And for me, add unibrow + slight mustache + small-boob-rage.
180. Pam Bumbaca said:
whoa! that is some serious hair! yep, the faces in both photos are priceless too! tfs!
Oh and I just got caught up on the comments post, those people are just jealous!
181. la_scene_01 said:
I have to say..."Looking Good!" - Love the 80s look.
I've been meaning to ask. What is the workday involved with being a full-time blogger businesswoman. I'd love for my wife to be able to do that so I can become a househusband. (This isn't meant to knock this, I think its an awesome arrangement!)
182. Nat W. said:
Holy mother, that is a lot of hair.
183. Pepius said:
SO MUCH nicer:
http://www.flickr.com/photo_zoom.gne?id=152554684&size=o
Thanks for the laugh!
184. Mainline Mom said:
What a nicely dressed little Mormon girl you were :) I had fourty pounds of hair back then too, but unfortunately for me it was all curls, which added three feet to my personal space.
185. Michael said:
Dear god.
186. FishyGirl said:
I was big time into 80s hair bands (I'm a bit older than you, I think) and I would have KILLED to get my ultrafine hair to fill out like that. Blow drying upside down and a full can of Aquanet after getting a spiral perm never never did the trick right. Awesome hair.
187. Mish said:
wow - i am from miami and you have the SAME look as the valedictorian from my school. You guys and your beauty, thinness, and odd fashion sense. In 88 I used to wear a (shame) side-ways on top of my head pony tail. Cringe - might be in a year book picture - at least the super thick socks dont show in the pic.
Please write more!
188. C W said:
Few people know of the anicent Mormon ritual of covering up at least one of your breasts with hair in order for your shame to be somewhat lessened during the naked part of the rapture. If you're a mermaid, you use hair to cover both breasts. Mermaids are traditionally Protestant.
189. Teetotaled said:
Your mom seems to be utilizing some sort of clip in her hair, the famous banana clip perhaps? With all of the 80's trends that keep coming back I am a little bitter that no one has reintroduced the banana clip. Bring it back!
Awesome shoulder pads by the way.
190. bobbarama said:
It's a wonder your head isn't listing to the side with all that hair. Titanic 'do?
Nice run-on sentence. Love your blog. I didn't realize until the other day that YOU are the 'inspiration' behind the definition for dooce. I finally put two and two together ... and for one of the few times in my life it actually added up to four. Sometimes I'm a little late to the party.
Oh, hey, I thought you might enjoy this link to my journal entry about you, less for me and more for the comments. You're a hit. D'uh ... no surprise.
http://bobbarama.livejournal.com/21335.html
Keep doing your thing, Heather. You make me feel normal. (joking) Lots of hugs.
191. Cosmic Girl said:
What happened to your hands in the 2nd pic? Is it some kind of Mormon ritual to remove them for photo opportunities...they get funnier the longer you look.
192. shiveringwarmth said:
I love your mom's body language in that first photo. It's like she's clutching you so you don't get the outlandish idea to saunter out of the frame before the flash goes off.
My dad was the master of the "forced bershon" - at family gatherings, he'd sneak up behind you with the camera, repeatedly bleat your name over and over, and then take a perfect picture of your nostril-flaring, eye-rolling, exasperated, "can't believe I'm here with YOU" expression.
193. Deb_LA said:
Holy 1989! Is that Zinc Pink?
194. Broad said:
I think all us bloggers should unite and have a massive posting where we all lose our inhibitions and post our best bershon moments.
I've already got mine in mind, if I can just find the picture.
195. lorie said:
I used to have that exact hair in high school, except mine was kind of frizzy unless I spent an hour putting it in hot rollers. I thought that hair was beautiful and I swore I'd never cut it off.
Then I went to college and saw a girl with that hair, and when I asked someone what her name was, I was told it was "Prom Hair."
I cut my own prom hair a few months later, and didn't learn Prom Hair's actual name for three more years.
196. Jilly Willy said:
Your hair is awsome! It must be all that Avon shampoo.
197. Shelley Bonnechance said:
How strange adulthood is....
I used to think of "bershon" as finding a way to deal with my annoying parents without saying something that would get me grounded for a month. Exhibiting bershon was a form of mercy and tolerance.
Now I think of bershonists as boresome little brats who need to get over themselves. :>)
I used to have Really Big Hair, too. I look at pictures of myself from high school and I just c-r-i-n-g-e.
198. DM Strong said:
The shoulder pads are classic.
ummm... what is that statue on the mantle near your head? not the jesus one. the other one looks kind of... well... odd.
199. Laughin'Lu said:
Bershon sounded yiddish to me, and I found something close - bertshen, to grumble.
I was never bershon in my pictures, but they're still bad. I went through a looong awkward phase. Plus, so unphotogenic that when I was on the yearbook staff, they gave all the senoirs picture of themselves . Except me. Oh, they had taken plenty, but none of them were good enough. I found that reassuring; I really *didn't* look like my picture.
200. Angela said:
Totally bershon and more importantly, totally tubular!! You kick Christie Brinkley's butt in the hair department. Fabulous, dahling. Absolutely fabulous.
201. Shiz Shiz said:
HOLY FREAKING HAIR, BATWOMAN! THAT IS AWESOME!
And honestly, those looks could kill people. Did you kill people, Heather, with those stone-cold bershon looks?
202. Mrs.canyoudomylaundry? said:
Holy Crap! Is your mom related to Paula Deen?
203. lyndseyelise said:
Believe it or not but the bershon has reared its ugly head in girls as young as 9! Yes, my step-daughter refused to smile in any family pictures on our vacation last summer. Who knew being 9 would be so painful and inconvenient.
Like you, I had 40 lbs of hair as a teenager, all one length, but now I wear it short, short, short.
204. soccer mom in denial said:
Did you hear the pointed reference to being "dooced" on NPR this evening? The "expert" made it a learning opportunity for the host.
Perhaps Wikipedia can reference the hair as well. Great, great do.
205. Xavierism said:
I love your blog! You "had" me when I read 'Shit Ass Ho Motherfucker' on your About page! I laughed loud...you know...one of those hearty bourbon laughs!
I look forward to more of YOU!
*CHEERS*
PS...I'd be going stir crazy if I left LA for life in the middle of no where!!!
*<]:O
206. joypoet said:
Your site is a refreshing blast of authenticity and humor that I always look forward to reading. As for your adolescent mane of glory, folks who get weaves can't touch that!
207. anne nahm said:
Awww! You may have had the Working Girl costume, but the smirk is all Kurt Cobain. Way to represent, Gen Xer :^)
208. LOD said:
When did Jerry Hall clone herself?