"I read some article today about bottled water, and it said that if we paid as much for tap water as we do for the water we buy at 7-11, that most people would have a monthly water bill of over $9,000. I am not proud to be a human."

"Do you not remember when I first moved in with you in LA, how you were constantly buying cases of bottled water?"

"But I didn't know! I grew up in Memphis where the tap water tastes just as good as spring water, so I had never even heard of a water filter."

"You had never heard of one until I brought it into your life. I changed your water consumption habits."

"Yes, you did. You made me a better water drinker."

"That's why you married me, because I am helping you save the world."

"For that, and also you have great hair."