I hate to say it, but I sort of respect her barefootedness. As a fellow (former) Southerner, you might also recognize the urge to be unshod at all times.

I wouldn't call myself a Britney Spears fan, and that black hair thing she's got going on is REALLY not working for me.

But "Toxic" might be one of the best pop songs written in the past 10 years.

Don't celebrities have huge groups of people who advise them on what to wear and what to say, so they don't have to do damage control later? Maybe Brit needs to fire her people and get some new ones.

Thank you for syaing what I have not been able to verbalize. I cannot say that I am a fan of Britney Spears, but I am a new mother and I can sympathize with her. Nothing that she has done, or that has happened is worth the public humiliation that she has been put through. Not that I am saying that she didn't put herself in the public eye, but the media has magnified it beyond belief.

My take is that for so long---and during the formative ages between 11 and 20---she was primped, made-up, combed, brushed, polished, and touched up, not only every day but SEVERAL TIMES a day. I believe she reached her limit of caring about her appearance and simply can't do it any more. Call it appearance exhaustion.

Combine that with a little early-twenties-post-baby depression/funk and you have a girl who just wants to wake up and not care about what she looks like.

I'll bet when she hits about 28, she'll lose a bunch of weight and find her looks again. She'll be ready to be Sexy Mom instead of the Sad Pop Princess mom.

what britney is going through right now is what i went through when i was young, in my early twenties and had low self-esteem. everything went to hell. i didn't look good, friends and family warned me and eventually gave up about telling me that my boyfriend at the time was a loser. i cringe every time i read something about her.

kevin federline is a complete douche. i'm awaiting the day she divorces him, gets healthy again and does something good for herself.

on a superficial note, i think that k-fed looks like every stoner i ever knew of in highschool. dirt 'stache? check. squinty eyes? check. AND he's starting to get that skinny-fat guy look from drinking too much.

poor brit!

i think the thing about britney being a mom is that she has around-the-clock nannies to help her with her baby. i know we've seen photos of her with her baby in her arms, and even heard stories about how she changed the babys diper on a restaurant table, wow, big deal! how many times have we seen her leaving the spa, or going shopping, all without her precious baby! it's not like she is up all night long and constantly watching her child, she has others help her with it. and to me, her appearance and behavior is unexcusable because its't not like she is wearing the same t-shirt 3 days in a row. she's a lazy cow!

I sometimes feel bad for all celebrities...as I sit and read the US magazine I pay $60 a year for. I KNOW they are always being watched by the stinky paparazzi. I would hate to be them. But then again, such is the price of fame. I also dont make a gazillion dollars.

Britney has helpers, assistants, stylists, what-have-you. There is NO REASON why her bra should have been poking out the side of her shirt while talking to Matt Lauer or why her extensions look a fright or why she was chewing gum like a cow during the whole thing. I think, like with Tom Cruise, she should have people tell her what to do and how to do it - when he fired his publicist and hired his sister, all hell broke loose. He turned into this 'crazy man', meanwhile he probably has been this crazy all along, we just didnt know it. As messed up as that sounds, the more 'boring' or 'wholesome' Britney can make herself, the more the press will leave her alone. (Although it may be a little too late for that.)

But that's just my opinion.

The thing about Britney is that she contradicts herself. If you watched her embarrassing interview with Matt Lauer, you will see a begging sad woman, pleading with the paparazzi to leave her alone.

Two weeks later, she dyes her hair black as shit and then poses naked (airbrushing ANY sign of motherhood away might I add) on the cover of a magazine.

COME ON!

Part of me thinks that she knows what she's doing. You know, the whole "no such thing as bad publicity" thing. But, then I also think that it's her way of sticking it to the world. After years of being molded and guided and handled, she's letting us know that she can do whatever she wants and be whom ever she wants to be. If that's the case, I'm all for it.

i think some of you should actually read what i wrote before you comment here, before you come here and spew a whole bunch of holier-than-thou judgmental bullshit.

I'm too old to be much of a Britney fan, but it is heartening to see that she seems to have such a strong desire to be a mother.

heather,

thanks as always for the read(s). i like your brining attention to ms. spears single handedly tearing down the glossy facade of celebrity publicity and polish, however if would be a more powerful statement if in fact this was her intention. you cant go from being a manufactured product to a renegade showing by example that you poo-poo whats wrong with the dependence on image AND then to turn around and dye your hair dark brown (which loooks lovely on her by the way) and pose nekkid in bazaar. she is a plain ol mess and cause shes doing it blindly, seemingly w/o the ability to understand her rebel actions, the potential for social critisism via britney is lost. sorry dooce.

one more observation i find torubling and worth of discussion. you wrote: "she was photographed driving with her child in her lap." the choice to say she was "photographed" driving with her child on her lap subtlely distracts from the actual act of her choosing to drive withher child on her lap. which is horrific, stupid and sure it's sad too. but inexcuseable and to paint it any other way is troublesome. everyone deserves compassion as does britney but compassion does not mean NOT speaking (writing) honestly about the human condition as well as its manifestations.

all best.

Perfectly said (as usual) Heather! I'm betting on the previous "appearance exhaustion" post. I think she will eventually dump the skankiest (is that a word?) man on the planet, lose some weight, and WOW us by her late 20's.

I've always loved Britney, but the poor girl has just gone deep into a downward spiral. And as hard as she tried to redeem herself in her interview with Matt Lauer, I think it just made things worse for her.

To comment to Heather's comment, I did read what you wrote and I thought it was poignant. I agreed with almost everything you said... But the thing is, I'M a new mother too. My son is going to be 5 months old and I just started back at work. I dont have all the stylists and whatnot, but I made it 'my thing' to always make sure to shower and change every day even if I went absolutely nowhere. No, I didnt wear makeup and my clothes were baggy, and yes, I have gone out with spit-up all over me, and I even walked across to my neighbors while my son only had ONE SOCK ON (gasp!!) but I dont have a nanny or any sort of assistants to help me. I think when you do, there really is no excuse for looking and acting so trashy.

I think Britney's main problem is that she has mentally never grown up.
She was handled from a very young age and told what to do when to do it and how to be.
Now she's decided she's a "grown up" (what adult uses the word grown up about themselves?)getting rid of all of her handlers and doing things how she thinks they should be done.
Except mentally she seems to be around 14 or so.
She makes mistake after mistake and always has excuses as to why these mistakes happen "shes southern" "the paparazzi" instead of saying "Im human and fucked up."

Although if I see one more photo of her with her kid on her hip in nothing but a diaper Im going to have to beat her.

I forgot to add, I noticed some people were talking about her looks during the interview, and why can't her stylists say something. Her stylists did not help her get ready the day of the interview. She dressed herself, and did her own hair and makeup. While I personally wouldn't have gone that route, she has the right to do so, even though we may not have liked her choice.

Oh, forgot to say: Great article, Dooce. As always. You're a helluva writer.

It's nice that she's showing us the "warts and all" picture of motherhood, and yes it is sad that she has to do it in the public eye - but, gee, well Heather, I just don't agree with you.

I too cringe when I see her giggling and snapping her gum while talking to Matt Lauer - wishing fervently that she'd just for a second realise how she must look and sound, and somehow wish that she could just get it together.

I mean really - if she wears bad clothes, and lets it all hang out, all over the place - that's one thing, but she's got a baby now and she just has to step up.

To extend the hand of sympathy to Brittney all it would take is for her to let us see, for just a second that Sean Preston's well being is at the forefront of her thinking.

It doesn't matter what she wears, when she gets up in the morning, how often she showers, what she says on TV or even who her 'husband' is...

* new comment after re-reading your alpha-mom post.

I can't say anything bad about Brit. For one thing, I know I've been out in public not looking my best. And another, her boobs are just so...what were we talking about?

Ok, I was trying to be quiet here, but to hell with it.
Being country is one thing, being safe is another. Sure, I got to sit on my dad's lap and "drive" the car. It was fun, it was a good memory, and it's something that both my dad and I admit was stupid. Times have changed, people are more reckless, roads are more dangerous.

And by the way ME, while there may not have been any "random baby kills 19 news stories", there was a story about a woman who accepted a ride from someone without a car seat, had her toddler in her lap, and after driving just down the street, was hit by a car, fell 50 feet off an overpass, and lived only to find her baby girl dead. Because she didn't think it was a big deal to go down the street with her baby in her lap. She was found guilty of involuntary manslaughter, and lives with that every day of her life.

Extreme example, but true reality. Britney is a role model, whether she wants to be one or not.

MOTHERHOOD IS THE GREAT EQUALIZER. I don't care who you are or how much money you have, you are going to do something stupid with your kid at some point.

I just thank the good Lord that no one was there to photograph the time I forgot to buckle the infant carseat to the car and it flipped over in the backseat when I took a turn, the time I cluelessly walked around Target for hours with 2 huge wet breastmilk wet spots on my shirt, the time I was too busy talking to a friend at the mall foodcourt to notice that my one year old was choking on a french fry, the time I walked off an elevator and looked back in time to see the doors close on the frightened face of my 2 year old, the time I was in postpartum hell and I actually asked my sister if she thought my husband would forgive me if I just moved to a new city and changed my identity, the time I unconsciously opened the sliding doors on our minivan and caught my 3 year old in between the door and another car, and on and on and on....

Britney has been called many things including white trash, trailer trash, a slut, a bad mother, and a dumb blonde - but when it comes down to it SHE IS HUMAN.

That was woderfully written. Although I never really had an opinion about her one way or the other, her Matt Lauer interview made me really, really sad. It must be so hard to feel you have to defend your marriage and your family so publicly. Relationships are so hard anyway without being scrutinized by the whole world. I hope she can look back on this time in her twenties like you can, Heather, and shake her head and smile a little.

I think that Brittney is making the same mistakes that every new mother makes, but hers are made in the glaring public eye. Even though I might not agree with her decisions, I just want to give her a hug and tell her it will be alright.

I totally see where you're coming from, Heather.

I completely sympathize with her.

I also have to say, someone commented above and said something about how often we see Britney without Sean P. and how she must have nannies around the clock, etc. etc.

I know she has nannies and whatnot, but I've barely seen any pictures of Britney without Sean P. since the little guy was born. I've seen a few here and there of her out at night, but I think out of all the celebrities, I've seen her with her child the most.

And as far as this whole "Britney is a role model" thing. Who, exactly, is Britney a role model to? I don't think there are many people left who are modeling their lives after Britney Spears. She isn't a role model at this point, she's a person who other people criticize to make themselves feel like better people/parents. And honestly, that's a real shame.

It's tough being a new mother. I think she's just doing the best she can, like we all do.

She never finished high school. I bet she doesn't know how to do a load of laundry. I don't think that makes her a bad parent...actually, that makes her parents bad parents for not teaching her the fundamentals of life. I just hope that Britney has the insight to realize what she didn't get as a child and she makes sure her kids get it. I am sure one of the reasons why she wanted to get married and have kids so early is because she craved normalcy and love and affection...something that was put on the backburner in order to advance her career. I wish her well.

I completely agree on two things:
1) other mother's can be the harshest and meanest critics that hearkens back to clique atrocities of American adolescence... sometimes I find it downright evil, what mothers can say...
2) The mistakes that Britney makes endears her to me (Especially since I was a closet lover of her pop songs and a mom who thinks she (as in I) is making mistakes and therefore bringing motherhood mistakes to a whole new artform - the Britney reminds me it is merely human after all).

Hrmm. Lately the thought of Britney just makes me want to vomit. I find everything about her really disgusting.

Maybe motherhood is about not caring about your appearance, or anything but your child, but I have this inkling that she isn't spending every waking hour with her baby. She isn't waking up every two hours to feed the baby or change the baby's diapers. The kid has at least one nanny at all times, I assume. Does anyone know the details? And if that's the case, I'd say she doesn't illustrate motherhood at all, just the ability to pop kids out of her vagina. And if she does have a nanny or multiple ones then what the hell is her excuse for her haggard appearance?

If she doesn't have a nanny, I retract this statement. Well, maybe not. Ha.

You so traaaazy.

From what I've observed, I think Britney has very few people in her life who she can really trust (including in her immediate family) and very few places where she is safe. I think it's a situation where she will have to learn to parent herself and that takes a lot of time and a good bit of trial and error. At least it did for me.

When I saw the picture of her with her pregnant belly hanging out of her tube top- lighting up a cigarette, I thought to myself that this is a young person who has not been protected and cared for, and therefore has very little idea how to care for herself and others. I think she's in a very emotionally and mentally vunerable state right now and that people should be kind to her. Having money doesn't make life shit free nor does it exempt a person from deserving to be treated like a human being.

Also, Britney's just a big ol' hick. She's a beer drinkin', chicken wing eatin', 4-wheeler ridin' girl from Kentwood. There's nothing wrong with that.

I read an article the other day that posited her slovenly appearance during the Matt Lauer interview was a bid for sympathy. If so, it was genius. I've always hated Brit, but when I saw photos of her during that interview I just wanted to give her a hug, wash her face and say "Come with me. We'll go to the store and get you some nice new clothes, then I'll take care of the baby while you have a nap, and when you wake up I'll show you how to make dinner." I feel so bad for her that her mother or sister aren't stepping up to the plate to help her out with her life. Of course, there's always the possibility that they tried and she's told them to fuck off.

Heather, you're so right. Other mothers are the meanest, toughest critics out there. You have no idea how many times I've cried or felt like a bad parent after reading posts from other moms, particularly stay-at-home moms. Asking why anyone would ever have children if they're not going to stay at home with them, etc. It's horrible. Being a mother is the harderst (and most wonderful) thing I've ever done. I'm constantly second-guessing myself enough as it is--I don't need strangers doing it for me.

As far as Britney goes...she's a young mother just learning how to deal with everything--and it's a lot. Nannies, mannies or not. Everything you knew before you have a child is thrown out the window. I have a wonderful, involved husband and it was STILL hard those first few months. Imagine having K-Fed as your husband--no help or emotional support at all.

I honestly feel that if you don't have children, you have no business criticizing other peoples' actions when they are raising theirs.(actually, no one should criticize, they should try to understand and help) I know Brit has done a few dumb things (mostly car-related), but she's trying her best. Please stop being so judgemental.

Excellent piece, Heather.

I, too, developed a Britney crush from the first swish of her schoolgirl pleated skirt. The spangly outfit at the VMAs almost did me in. And I went to her live show - they are REAL, people. I swear.

Anyway. Although I get sucked into the mindless giddiness of celebrity gossip as much as the next person, I think we all have to be able to separate the performer from the person. Britney is a fabulous performer. She commands a stage in a way that few people can, and she's done it ever since she was a tiny little kid on Star Search. As a person, though, I think she is a very young, small-town Southern girl who, without her talents, probably would have stayed in Louisiana and raised a family and sung in the Baptist choir (not that there would be anything wrong with that, either).

And so, because as a person she is who she is, she is imperfect and she chews gum on TV and gets mascara blobs in the corner of her eye and her bra straps show and she makes mistakes as a mom. SO WHAT? All of us have done things we're not proud of, whether as parents or just as people. Why is she held to some different standard than the rest of us?

(And I don't buy the "role model" thing. Give me a break. She is a pop star.)

Sometimes I think people bash her so hard because it somehow makes the mistakes they have made in their lives seem a little more reasonable. Its so easy to say "Oh my god look at her, she looks terrible" and when you look at yourself in the mirror you feel a little better about your roots and lack of make-up. We can sit back and say "yea I have done blah blah blah but AT LEAST I wear a bra".....

I think she has always been this way we just wanted to believe the illusion. Personally I think I like this Brit better. She is one of us........

In addition to my thoughts above, I might add that I'm pretty judgmental about people who judge other people's mothering skills. Them's fightin' words.

First, no one who isn't a parent can judge another mother (short of flagrant physical/emotional abuse). You just don't get it.
Second, no mother can be accurately judged by tiny photographic snippets. Look at the photos on my blog of my 3-year-old asleep naked on our sidewalk. I thought it was cute and didn't want him in the house, so I just left him there for an hour. Oh, his face was dirty, too. Glad no one cares who I am or I'd have been crucified by now.

dang a langin, sorry about the long post, dooce!

I don't understand why people care that much about celebrities. The media seems to overload us with info on Britney, Brad & Angelina, blah, blah, blah ... But why would people fall for that when there are so many more important things to care about?

Is a celebrity couple's having a baby going to make anyone else's life better or solve some of the world problems?

Me:

I disagree - you do not have the right to not immunize your child. It is dangerous to them and potentially a lot of other people and children. It's like saying you have the right to dangle your child off of a 5th floor balcony by its pinky toe (which you can also apparently get away with, if you are Michael Jackson).

Heather, I am a long time reader of your site, but this is my first time making a comment. I have never been a huge fan of Britney...but, as a mother I wish people would back off! Everyone is so critical of her every move. I can not imagine trying to raise my kids, and every move we made being photographed my a bunch of photographers. And as far as the mistakes she's made, join the crowd of mother's who are not and never will be perfect. She was criticized for almost dropping her son, because she was holding a glass of water. My twin boys snuck out of their window(at the age of 3!) when I thought they were taking a nap..my neighbor came over when she saw them in the front yard by themselves! I am so glad no one was photographing that shining moment of motherhood.

I was never, ever a Britney fan, but then she and I got pregnant at the same time and I spent my entire pregnancy feeling puffy and ugly and sweaty and gross and I resented the hell out of her because I thought she'd probably pop that kid out and be back in her size 2 designer jeans on the cover of every magazine in the country two weeks later. She'd have a whole team of people making her life easier while I leaked breast milk onto my ratty Tshirts. The fact that she's not perfect, she makes mistakes as a mom, she has bad hair days too... Makes me have a little soft spot for her in my heart. I ache for her now when I see a nasty tabloid headline at the grocery store. I mean, being a mom is hard! Being married is hard! And she's pregnant AGAIN! I wish I could just call her up, eat tuna sandwiches while our boys play in the sandbox and tell her that I know it's hard and I know she's trying. Being a mommy is hard enough without the whole world criticizing you.

Kick-ass article! ...Come on, what mother or babysitter on this planet hasn't left the baby alone for 43.8 seconds to brush their teeth or pee for the first time in two days?? All the while willing the baby not to ingest clorox or bonk its head on the coffee table while you're wiping your ass. Babies are soft and squishy so that we can learn from our mistakes without killing anyone.
I have no doubt that Brit loves her baby and wants the best for him. She's learning just like anyone else who has their own or taken care of someone else's children. It's just the price she has to pay for being in the public eye: If we're not hating her for being talented, rich and beautiful then we have to hate her for going and starting a family instead of entertaining us with her shiny outfits... how dare she!!!

I think she worked so hard to become famous, and she doesn't have the maturity -she is so young- to see what she needs to do. If she hates the stalking of the photogs and tabloids, she needs to give it all up. If she moves back to Louisiana she might start seeing part of a normal life again. I think it's awful the way she is treated- and believe me I am no fan. But she has to do something to stop it rather than complain about it.

I loved your article. I agree with what you wrote about Britney. I feel awful that she has to withstand the judgement of the world like she does. I know it was her choice to go into entertaining, but every person deserves respect. I think that she's a young mother, making normal everyday mistakes, and yet she's persecuted for them. People are so judgmental.

Goooder...I'm not going to start a war here. My point was, its America, technically, you DO have the right to not immunize your children. I believe you just have to sign a waiver at the dr's office saying you understand the risks. Then you take a note from the dr to the school, and its accepted. (I think it became an option when they first started linking increased autism rates to increased vaccination rates, from an article I read). Anyway, America = freedom. Mostly.

With that said, my kids and my dogs have had all their shots, even the Lyme vaccine one.

Dooce, you got it right!
I met Britney once on a music video shoot... she was a very friendly sweet young girl (this was about 3 years ago... right around when she married her friend in Vegas).
http://tmz.com had video of her crying in a restaurant after she had tripped holding her baby in NY... and I really felt for her...
I heard that her Matt Lauer interview did not involve any of her publicists/ managers/makeup or hair people (the last two being pretty obvious)....
I get the sense that she's at least trying to live as 'normal' a life as possible.. still going out to restaurants/ driving with her son/ playing on the beach.... if she and her kid were cloistered away in some compound in Malibu... and never saw the light of day for fear of being paparazzied to death.... she'd be freakin' Michael Jackson...

Great post. Not a fan of Brit, but that's not the point, huh? Thanks for the reality check.

Even as a 25 year-old "young mom" of a 16 month old, my knee-jerk reaction is to criticize her and say, "What an idiot", but I have to stop myself and think about what horrible things people would say about me when they saw me shut my 5 month old's foot in the car door bc I wasn't paying attention. I was horrified when that happened and I probably would have wanted to commit suicide if I saw a picture of that on a magazine cover the next day.

Just from that experience alone I have realized how horrifying being a superstar parent must be.

I wish her all the best!

Wow, what a response this post got! I tried to read all the comments but ran out of concentration at #57!

Britney is human, she is a young mum about to have baby number 2 and people expect this to be over? When I had my first, I fell apart appearance-wise for a few months, then pulled myself together. Then I got pregnant with my second (21 months between them both) and it all went out the window again and it's only now TWO AND A HALF YEARS LATER that I have started to take any interest in my appearance again! I had my first haircut in 3 years 2 weeks ago!

Britney is doing great,let's not be harsh and criticise but let her be. I would like to see an article praising up a young famous mum, rather than those pulling her down. Great article Heather, been reading for ages, but this is my first comment!

I joke about being slightly obsessed with Britney on my blog. But you know what I think many of us overlook? She is 24. She's about to be a mom to two very young children. She's had an incredible amount of success and wealth come her way at a very young age. When I was 24 I was single, selfish, going out with girlfriends, and still three years away from marriage. I'm not even sure I was ready to be a mom at 34! In some ways I find it refreshing that she is not uber perfect (think Brangelina) and isn't afraid to be a quasi-normal young woman from Louisiana who eats Cheetos, smacks gum, and goes barefoot in public restrooms. I can't imagine having two children at the age of 24. I cut Miss Brit some slack. Let her enjoy being normal for a while. I think she deserves it.

I think Britney Spears is pretty much the female version of Michael Jackson.

Both are completely out of touch with "normal" reality.

It's not their "fault", since neither knows any different. I'm surprised someone hasn't done a PhD paper on the relativistic normality of reality for people who became superstars at birth.

It seems that almost anyone who has sucess at a young age is eventually grown tired of by the public. We get irritated by their perfect life and long for them to show some signs of vulnerability or fallibility. Sick, but true. The entertainment media plays us like a violin and we ask for more. Everyone makes mistakes, and everyone has bad hair days (or years). Ugg up, Brit, we still love you!

Just the other day I saw a mom backing out of her driveway with her baby on her lap and I was mortified. I did not, however, leap out of my car and start snapping pictures to sell to every gossip rag in the free world. Nor did I roll my window down and scream at her for being a bad mommy (no biscuit!).

I think that most moms are just trying to do their best. And I KNOW that we don't all agree on what best is. Being a newish mom is hard enough without being judged. And being judged is hard enough without having your every moment played out in a public forum.

I have to say that lately I've been seriously thinking about how I treat and how I talk about other moms. I'm trying to take the "do unto others" approach.

(How many of y'all pictured me doing "air quotes" as you read this?)

Well written Dooce (as always). Yes, motherhood has become supremely competative. It used to be that women helped each other, now, for the most part they just want to tear others down (to hide their own short-comings) and then kick them a few times just to make sure.

I don't really have an opinion on BS's talent. I think it is wonderful that she does have a passion to have a family (and all that entails). If I had tried to do the same at her age I would have made mistakes too. She's young, she's figuring things out and unfortunately for her (and us) it's all done in front of the media's ever-watchful eyes.

I've seen the video of her crying after she slipped with the baby and I wondered then (as I do now), why didn't someone just give her a hug and make her feel human rather than just stare at her like a freak.

She'll figure it out - just like we all have. EVERYONE makes mistakes.

i just wanted to say -

i was never a britney spears fan. and she's an airhead. and i wish superstars would stop throwing around the phrase "paparazzi" like it's an excuse to piss and moan when they chose this life. and she looks like crap and i hated that i legitimately could not tell if she was wearing pants or not in her interview with matt lauer.

but i let out a big sigh of relief when i read that you didn't think she was a bad mother.

when i was a baby my mother left the stove on and the entire kitchen caught fire. my mom was on the floor with me and thus didn't notice the entire house filling with smoke. thankfully we got out okay.

later in my baby life she wasn't paying attention and i flew down two flights of stairs in one of those walkers and banged my face on the concrete landing.

but my mom is awesome, i wouldn't ask for any other mom. you live and learn. everyone makes mistakes, and mothers aren't any exception. because of this i was seriously shocked & appalled to see that child services had to investigate britney spears?! wtf. compared to my baby life, tripping on some cobblestones or having your kid in your lap while in a parking lot ain't shit.

Oh after I hit the post button I thought of an incident that would have been fodder for the paparazzi that you all might enjoy.

My sister and I had our babies 2 months apart--her first and my second. When my daughter 3 and a half months old, my husband and I went to his work Christmas party up in Pine Valley Mountain (we're in St. George for all you who are southern Utah savvy). A highway patrol officer came in the restaurant well into the party and warned us that a storm was beginning and all those that didn't have snow tires or chains, etc, had better take off now and GO SLOW. We had a little Geo Prism and hell yeah we went slow. It took us forever to get to my mom's house to get our children. Meanwhile my breasts were like overripe watermelons with the need to nurse.

Upon arriving at my mom's I raced into her house knowing I would be getting a phone call from child welfare services the next day for starving my baby. My mom took one look at me holding my balloon-like mammaries up and said, "Thank goodness your sister came by." Yes my sister nursed my child. While we may not be "country,' but by damn we're family and the paparazzi would have torn us asunder. Well I'm thinking of a finger for them; just one.

Heather said: "I think some of you have missed my point ENTIRELY about just how judgmental mothers are of other mothers."

I think she should have said: "I think some of you have proved my point ENTIRELY about just how judgmental mothers are of other mothers."

That's a pretty sweet article, Heather. I am glad you brought up the point that someone else's mistakes, humanity and reality can be encouraging to other people, and I plan on viewing Britney in a different light from now on. :)

Man. I don't have any children, but I sit on pins and needles when the topic of motherhood comes up on people's websites.

The way mothers rip eachother apart and judge eachother simply amazes me.

I really think we should all take a moment to sit back and reflect upon the Dooce.com Comment Policy (d) Please leave Britney Spears alone.

That is all.

I agree with you fundamentally. We as mothers and imperfect humans all make mistakes and should be allowed to do so witout criticism. However, anyone who fails to put their baby in a safety seat while driving has zero latitude. That's easily a fatal mistake.

Granted, the publicity she got for thst one has done tons for publicizing chil car safety, so I suppose some good has come of it.

I see people like that walking around here every day. Brit should move to Bakersfield.

Great post. It brought back vividly the first time I saw the video for 'Baby One More Time.' I was sixteen, and felt seized by a sudden and uncontrollable urge to roll my school uniform skirt up several inches, pigtail my hair and round-off my way down the school corridors. I contented myself with rewinding the tape (tape! my God) many times so that my girlfriends and I could try to replicate that incredible 'growl' she makes at the back of her throat at the beginning of the song. Hott.

Being a child performer is a weird way to grow up, and it's especially hard to mature from adolescnece to adulthood in the public eye. So much exposure, so young, is not healthy, and without someone keeping very tight reigns... people can easily go awry. I instinctively look to the parents and wonder why they chose that kind of life for their children and whose interests they had at heart - although I realise that in expressing such opinions about Britney's mother I'm probably being just as self-righteous and judgemental as anyone who critises Britney's own parenting.

My gut predicts a huge comeback, but not for a few years to see it.

i totally totally TOTALLY agree with everything you said. so much that my throat clenched at the very end. i feel so deeply for her in her young naive motherhood. i remember it being just like that. crazy, messy, wrinkly, and a lot of just doing my best.

It just goes to show, no matter how many drivers and nannies you can afford - motherhood can make you loopy.

I'm still pro-Britney. I think she was trying to look natural for the interview, like she would any other day. Of course it isn't going to look as good when she is all made up and spent hours in the hair and makeup chair. She's pregnant, she wants to be comfortable.

(The dark hair is good though. Good call, Britney!)

I wrote something about this on my site not to long ago. I hate being a link whore but: http://maniacaldays.blogspot.com/2006/05/britney-what-is-it-good-for.html

In short it said: Her son and my daughter are about the same age, and if I had paprazzi following me around all the time, I'd be on CNN everyday. And most of you would be too!

Not a huge Brit fan, but people should cut her a break and the news should follow things that are important like the war!

Heather, first thing that struck me was your comment on how harsh moms can be. I loved this. I laughed because you are right on the mark

“Now she has to answer to the harshest and meanest critics in the world: other mothers.”

My son and Leta are the same age. Ever since becoming a mom my self confidence was shot to hell, I questioned myself constantly and I can’t stand what I call the mommy competition. I don’t play the game of my son can do this and this, etc. The mommy competition frustrates me completely. Women in general are catty and harsh but when they become moms beware.

P.S. This week I transformed from “Momma” to “Mommie”, I love it.

Long time lurker, first time poster. Love your site and read it daily.

Love the post on AlphaMom.

As a mom of 2 under 2, at times I feel as though I have completely lost it. Sometimes I can't even remember what I did a minute ago...did I change that diaper? Not so sure, so let me do it again. What makes me sane? Seeing that celebrities have brain farts, too. We are all human, we make mistakes, and we try to learn from them. I almost wish some light would be shed on other celebrity moms and their so-called bad-parenting. I think a lot of moms would feel better about having their own brain farts here and there...

Heather, great article. She is a mesmerizing and adorable. So she's a train wreck some days? Most of us have been at some point of our lives, especially during early motherhood. But we are not stalked by parastites with cameras who make major cash the moment we slip with our kids in our arms. I think she's holding up as good as can be expected and as much as people bag on her, she still has that "thing" that keeps folks interested. I think she is a mainstay in pop culture and just watch, the tide will turn for her in judgement-ville. American's love a good comeback story.

What a touchy subject Britney has become. I'm so tired of all the hate that surrounds her. I could care less that she married that loser. I think she just wants to exercise her own choices in her life, which is something I would presume she's not really ever gotten to do. You almost have to respect that after all the marketing and pushing and molding that they have done with her, she's willing to let it go and just attempt to live her life in the most normal way possible.

The really sad part isn't her choices, it's the reaction to them. At every turn, she seems to be fighting and defending herself. It has to be difficult to not be accepted for your true self.

Society is overly critical, harsh, and delusional. Britney's problems only highlight our problems as a whole.

I feel for Britney. I wish they would just leave her alone. She's a human being. She makes good and bad decisions and has to live with the consequences just like the rest of us. She's also very young. She will learn from her successes and mistakes. People should stop scrutinizing her.

On a more superficial note, I think she should just let her hair grow out to her natural color. It's probably beautiful.

oops 2 many typo's. must slow down defend britney

Everyone has made extremely good points here about how everyone messes up. But we already know that, right? I think even the b*tches that scold and wag their fingers would admit, "Yes, I've messed up, too."

I'm not a mother yet, so this comment may get me into a bit of trouble, but I'll say it anyway: There are some things that, even if you're not a mother, you just KNOW not to do.

Even though it can be downright hair-raising, I don't care how much that baby is screaming or how hungry she is, you don't take her out of the carseat while the car is moving. A baby has never died because it took an extra few minutes before she was fed. A baby has never died from crying. A mother has never died because her baby was crying. Babies HAVE died though, from not being in car seats. That's why you just don't drive when they're not buckled in.

(While I don't have my own baby, I have helped my brother raise my niece after her mom died. I know it's not the same thing, but it gave me a lot of experience.)

There's one situation I can think of that's a valid excuse for driving with a baby on your lap: when your life is in danger. My mom was home alone with my little brother once, and someone broke into the house. She was lucky that he was sleeping and didn't wake up, and she was able to make it to the garage. As she closed the car door, the man that broke into our house entered the garage. Damn if my mom didn't back right through that garage door with my brother in her lap.

Somebody taking your picture does NOT put your life in danger. Cry me a river. Go talk to my mom about what it's like when your life REALLY IS in danger when you're holding your baby.

Everyone thinks their own way is the right way, and they're correct. It's right for them. Working moms and SAH moms don't have the right to criticize each other, because they're doing what's right for their family. Period.

I don't have the energy to read the comments and see if someone else has said this, but I get the impression that Britney is emotionally stunted because since about 14, she's been coddled and yes-manned and catered to. So, even though she's in her early twenties, she doesn't know as much as other people her age do about the major responsbilities.

And now, with her children and her marriage, she's basically navigating those waters with very little emotional experience. Heather's right - she's very raw and open and vulnerable.

I have been a step-mother for 10 years. I still think the hardest and most daunting part of the job is dealing with the other mothers. In addition to being a new mother, Brit is a step-mother as well. All at the tender age of 24. I could still barely feed and clothe myself at 24.

I was pregnant the same time as Britney, and our sons were born within days of one another. It was actually awesome having her as my celebrity partner in pregnancy. I could eat whatever I wanted, rather than be compared to some otherworldly Gwyneth Paltrow (who is back on her yoga mat and in her skinny jeans days after giving a beautifully unmedicated home birth).

Brit was a complete mess on that Dateline interview. But it was refreshing to see a celebrity so untouched by handlers that she was letting it all hang out. And who among us wouldn't be an emotional wreck if pregnant with an infant? I'll take Brit and her gum-smacking over Gwyneth any day.

Heather. I love you. Always will. Despite your fascination with BS (love that her initials spell that).

I think she needs a stylist, grammar coach, a divorce, and a smack upside the head. There's my 3 cents.

Interesting take on the Britney phenom. It resonates truly, I think.

I'm male & not a fan, though she can be pretty to look at.

Your point is well taken about early parenthood though, certainly mistakes are made, because it is an overwhelmingly new and potnetially disasterous life change that takes up every second and pore of your being.

Now that Lita's older and coming along every day, the constant need for correct attention diminished slightly, and it will contnue to do so the older she gets. But those first children, the first year or two of raw nerves and shot brain cells are common to all of us, and perhaps Brit is indeed getting a bad rap.

Thanks for making me actually think about this rather than join the Greek chorus of simple condemnation.

If I thought, for one minute, that people were watching my every move, I'd be a little on the careful side about what I do in public. BUT, having said that, I'd be in a real world for hurt if the entire world knew the mistakes I made as a young adult, with and without my child! Like the time we took our brand new baby home from the hospital WITHOUT a car seat (pre-law requirement). Or like the time I put lotion on her face and she broke out so badly she looked like a lepor. Or like the time she fell face forward in her swing because I didn't have her strapped in. Or like the time she was sitting in the car (on a hill above a busy street), out of her car seat while I went into the laundry mat and she let the e-brake off. This is all before the age of 3. Wise choices? Maybe not. Did I make mistakes? Hell yes. Was I a good mother? You better believe it - just ask her now.

What the public sees is a minute snapshot of what goes on in her life. Out of the 1440 minutes a day, we see a mere 1/86400th of what goes on in her life.

She's freakin' human. Give her a break.

Remember, everyone farts.

Please tell me you've seen Britney on the new Harper's Bizarre cover.

First of all, I have no problems with pregnant members of the sisterhood getting naked on a magazine cover. Whatever. Just please don't insult my intelligence to assume that you are 1) that thin and 2) free of strech marks.

I have a pretty high level of distaste for Britney Spears but I also, much as makes me want to shove my tongue in a meat grinder to admit it, feel sorry for her.

You know, I never realized that Britney was such a hot topic, or such a serious one till I made a little comment about her on my myspace blog...that is the first time I ever got rude comments made on there...it's crazy how some people take white trash comments about someone they've never met so serious! I have always been a "closet" Britney fan. When I'm in the car by myself I turn up her music all the way and sing...but I agree with you...I mean, come on! Barefoot in a bathroom??? and all I have to say is one word....Kevin...SERIOUSLY?????

Phew, too many comments to read. I'll start out by saying I enjoy her music, but not everything she does. However, even though her Matt Lauer interview might not have been the best thing for her career, I think it was a brave thing to do. I applaud her for doing her own hair and makeup, even if it didn't look that great. For so many years she's had it all done for her, and finally she's taking control of her life. As a "normal person", I can relate to the bad hair days, no shoes, bra poking out moments. I am thankful that not every waking moment of my life is plastered on the front page of every magazine. Heaven knows the rest of us aren't perfect either. Thanks for being real Britney!

To sum up the opinion of yet another Su'thener:
Big tree fall hard.
Or bi-ug tray fawl hawrd. However you choose to say it.

It's no biggie. I forgive her.
What I wouldn't forgive her for is staying perfect.

Even if she did her own hair and makeup doesn't kevin care enough about her and her image(his cash cow)to tell her babe not that outfit.. that is assuming he is living in the house. It just goes to prove she is surrounded by yes men..
yes britney walk barefoot in public bathrooms
yes britney that looks fine without a bra
yes britney it is fine to wear a bra with a backless halter
yes britney kevin is a great guy and cute
yes britney you should pose naked on the cover of vanity fair when you are in that stage of your pregnancy that just kinda makes you look fat and not really pregnant..

On the barefoot subject... I am barefoot as much as possible in my life but not in gas station bathrooms

Yeah, man.

I've dropped my share of babies in my time. It happens. Them critters is wrigggly.

I'm with you. I was confused at first, but I'm starting to get it.

Everything perfect all the time is BORING. Up with reality.

Generally, you have made excellent, insightful, and generous comments about Britney as girl, woman, and phenom. It is nothing less than cultural anthropology, this territory; thanks for covering it.

Two other factors occur to me. First, as a product and then as a mother, I cannot believe how her own mother dropped her like a rock to promote her sister. Of course Britney may have banned her, but there have always been lots of friends and folks from home willing to share her fame; some of those friends and their mothers should be sticking around now to help her--if not into a polished older product, then to a more assured and graceful mother. This part of the culture has abandoned her, and she is too close to the subject and too conflicted to realize it (if she did, she would be enraged and we would hear about it).

The other component is the uncomfortable fact that as a woman seemingly more mature in marketing than in living her personal life sufficiently discreetly to hide the belly flops, she herself is conflicted--she cannot afford NOT to care about her grungy clothes and shoelessness--the trailer trash comments have been around longer than Kevin and motherhood. It is a misjudgment about how far "reality" moments can grow a career which is based on careful staging. She obviously does care, since by fits and starts she makes attempts at growing her image. What rankles both consumer and consumed is that her sense of entitlement is bigger than our forgiveness of her. Her petulance at our lapsed willingness to see her as she once presented herself is a function of her training us to expect the one, and her attempt to substitute, the other.

Brittney has annoyed me from the very beginning. It erupted Mt. Vesuvious style the day I decided to spend my lunch hour shopping for a bathing suit. That is torture on its own. AH, but to add insult to injury, I happened to meander to the mall the SAME DAY, SAME HOUR as a Brittney "in store" appearance. "Hit me Baby One More Time" played consecutively for over an hour as I wriggled into ill fitting suit after another. 13 year old girls ran screaming all over the department, which was right next to Juniors. I never saw her. I heard she didn't show up for at least an hour and a half.

Brittney was on my shit list from that day forth.

I saw a clip of the NBC interview. All I could think of was how my Grandmother would have had a coniption fit. Grandmother hated gum.

"She looks like a cow chewing her cud!"

And you know, she really did.

I have always liked Britney, but that's not something that I'd normally admit to the general public. Perhaps I'm being naive, but I like to think that generally she puts herself out there and the Britney you see on TV and in pictures is the real her - up sometimes, down others, not especially polished, and just living life.

I'm not a mother so I have not yet experienced the wrath of other mothers. But I agree that mothers can be so harsh with each other - all I have to do is read the blogs and comment sections of mothers who blog. I can't understand why people turn on each other when y'all are just trying to do the best you can at the hardest job.

While I can't appreciate the mother qualities that Britney shows us, I can appreciate the human-ness. I also was crazy in my 20's. I often walk out of the house at 30 with my bra straps showing and without taking a shower. Don't we all? My mom fell down a flight of stairs while holding me as an infant. Not because she was a bad mom or a trainwreck, but because she is human.

We both turned out just fine.

Thank you Dooce for the thoughtful article at Alpha.

For me, it's very refreshing to see a pregnant or post-partum celebrity who doesn't look like a million bucks, but who looks like the general population with a new baby -- in need of a nap and/or shower most of the time. You're right Heather -- other mothers are the worst critics. But, the car driving thing still irks me for one reason -- the fact that it was an indended act and not an accidental one. God knows that I have made some stupid mistakes with my kids -- but they were accidental things. Things that when I realized what COULD have happened because of it literally made my head spin and made me want to vomit right there on the spot. Things I swore would never happen again -- and haven't. Driving with a baby on your lap is a conscious choice not an accidental mistake. I don't think that she is a terrible mother, but I do think that if she is so frazzled out that she desperately drives around with the baby on her lap top excape the papparazzi, then she needs to get some better handlers to help her deal with that sort of thing. Right now, she strikes me as very lost and sad -- and that really is sad to think that someone so young and so successful should really be in that state for no real good reason at all. I feel bad for her.

how did you feel about her last interview? I didn't think she was nearly as bad as i thought she would be, heck I was a little impressed. I to try to avoid her but love her. Chaotic was SOO SOO BAD in not a way that made me want to watch more!!

I saw her durring her last tour, dragged my husband after I bought some tickets on ebay at the last minute. I loved watching her perform. I hope one day she does it again!

I have to admit - I'm not a fan of the girl. I don't like the music, the cliche dances, the tacky outfits and the fact that she sounds like 12 year old. But the fact is, she has finally shown the public who she is - the pretty girl from Lousiana who just happened to make tons of money selling all those people this huge fantasy of what the 19-year old we would all love to be looks like. And now they can't accept that that's all that was.
The poor girl has now started a new phase in her life, and for once, we actually SEE a celebrity WITH their kid! She's not talking about how many hours she devotes to working out to get her body back to shape, she's not talking about the new album she's recording -- she's out there, looking a mess, with her kid, being a mom. Can we give the girl some credit?

i'm so glad to see someone else say what i've been feeling! i just had my first baby 6 weeks ago (sorry for all lower case...typing while nursing) and it hit me how TERRIBLE it must be for her. it's such a time of uncertainty...ami doing it right? oh no, i fucked up that thing. and then to be held up as the example of bad parenting? how awful for her. you spend enough time being your own worst critic and dealing with guilt. the last thing anyone needs is more people telling you how fucked up a mom you are.

Wow. You know, I have been a little bit down on her... but you're right, there really is something to be said for the fact that she displays new motherhood as it really is.

More than once I've wondered how my children managed to survive having me as a mother.

Of course, I've often wondered how I've survived certain aspects of motherhood, as well. We'll skip over the depression, the days when changing a diaper was beyond my abilities, the tears (mine).

There was the humiliation of forgetting the 3rd-hand outfit my little one was wearing to the store had stains from my first kid, and having total strangers come up to me and inform me that there are products out there that can actually clean clothes.

Or the time I had managed to scrape together 45 whole minutes to get to the store, pick up the groceries for the coming week, and get back home to start dinner, only to be told by some prim and proper mother that my kid looked "so cute with that dirty face."

And don't get me started on those people who ask me if I work... I'm a mother, for god's sake, OF COURSE I WORK!

Yeah, your article made me think. Kinda made me ache a little bit, too.

I just got married, and I just got a puppy. Obviously a puppy is much different than a child. But: I am terrified every day that I will kill or maim this puppy.

And if I feel this way about a puppy, how the hell am I going to feel when I have a BABY?

I can't even imagine how Britney must feel with the cameras on her all of the time.

Terrified comes to mind.

And paranoid.

Thanks for your viewpoint. I hope it makes people think before they speak or judge.

It seems to me that Brittany is experiencing the misfortune most child-stars endure: growing up in public. Very few of them seem to make a smooth transition. She hasn't. And, I blame that on her agent(s)! Whether or not her career in the entertainment industry survives and actually puts out new growth is yet to be seen. My fingers are crossed. Hopefully, she'll have the good sense to find some good PR talent. Someone with the ingenuity of *gasp* Carl Rove comes to mind. Hey, he's done it for the Prez for long enough...

I read nearly all of them. The comments that is. I had some random babbling thoughts as I made my way though them.
1. I'm not sure I feel enough emotion about Brit to get upset about anything one way or another. Maybe that's as it should be.
2. I am amused by those comments which refer to Brit's oddles of money, her tons of help, how she "came into lots of money young". The truth is she didn't "come into anything". That little girl worked her fucking ASS off for every dollar she has. She earned it. She's probably worked more hours at 24 years old than a lot of people have at 50. Who was buying her tickets? Her cd's? Ummmmmm us, the general public. When we paid to see her in concert, her appearance rocked. She was working. What she wears on her own time is her own business. I take the kids to school in a bathrobe, barefoot. I just tell them to tuck and roll out the door as I drive by the school barely slowing down.
3. I've made far more mistakes than her as a mom, and most of them involved lots of blood, stitches, and one daughter hiding in a walmart bathroom with her feet tucked up on the seat, hiding from the employees calling her name, because she doesn't talk to strangers even if she DOES sneak away from the check out to go pee, while the entire store was being serenaded with CODE ADAM CODE ADAM. If I am overly critical of anything, it's myself as a mother. I'm sure everyone is doing it better than me.
4. I absolutely DO have the right to not vaccinate my child. I have chosen to vaccinate them at the age of ten. If your child has been vaccinated, then we're of no threat to you anyhow.
5. To Ashley? I believe, who received a negative comment on her blog and seemed in complete shock and despair over it,,,,try being Brit for a day.
6. I'm not gonna comment on her husband because I don't think anyone has the need to comment on mine. Do unto others,,,,if Brit doesn't like it, Brit will deal with it.
7. My most sincere compliment about any movie, tv show, interview, article, book,,,,would be that it inspired an exchange of thoughts and ideas. It sparked some bit of debate. I hated the movie "Eyes wide shut". However after seeing it with a group of 6 other couples, we have a lively discussion after the movie. Brokeback Mountain has given way to lots of discussions among friends. There is never complete agreement. That's the point though. Dooce was brave to open comments, because she definately knows how to light the fire.
8. Always remember, your comments can say more about YOU, than you intended. (which scares the hell out of me)

Oh, poor Britney! Please! Sorry, but I can't feel sympathy for anyone who has that much money. I'm not a Britney watcher, and I couldn't care less what she does, in private or in public. But if she really wanted to, she could afford privacy - other celebrities do. I agree with what Windy said - you can take the girl out of the trailer park, but you can't take the trailer park out of the girl. I see only more tragic mistakes in her future - all by her own choice and not the fault of the paparrazzi or her critics.

I grew up in Las Vegas and was introduced to the celebrity phenomenon young. I think it is unhealthy.

The person you have seen in roles in movies or on TV is so familiar to you that it feels as if you have a relationship with them. But you don't. The singer or musician that moves you so much is still a stranger to you. Somehow an illusion develops that if you paid to see or hear someone you own a part of them. Or, if you have feelings of affection or closeness they should treat you as a friend. The fact is, that once an artist has finished a performance they should be able to walk away and resume a private life. The adoration that fans feel is not real, because they know nothing about the person they claim to adore. The craving to somehow enter their idol's world is expressed in a hunger for any kind of personal knowledge or insight into the idol's life because that feeds the illusion that you are 'connected' to them.

People who offer us their talent should not be hounded, discussed or evaluated when it comes to their private lives. What you own is the experience they gave you, not a right to intrude into their lives.

A lot of us feel as if Dooce is a friend we would love to know personally, but we have no right to pictures of her or her family taken with a telephoto lens from a van parked down the block. Commentaries on their lives by people who have known them or checked their groceries or lived in the next block are an invasion of privacy and assume a right to intimacy that doesn't exist.

I think the voracious appetite for 'inside information' on celebrities supports a cruel and ruthless industry. The people who will use any ruse to snatch a picture or a disclosure are no more guilty than those of us who will grab up the tabloid that pays for them. Celebrities don't owe us anything but a performance.

Other moms...other women...are definitely the most critical audience. I remember hanging out on a bulletin board community while pregnant with Connor. You know, for support and stuff. It was unreal how vicious women get. For example, I may not be the type to get my kid's ears pierced as an infant, but I'm sure as hell not going to climb on a soapbox and accuse those who are with abuse and multilation. And people DID this sort of shit in an atmosphere that was intended for SUPPORT!
Bottom line is no one is perfect parent.

And then there's this:

http://fadedyouth.blogspot.com/2006/06/britney-spears-does-harpers-bazaar.html

There is something to be said about a celebrity being in public with comfy clothes on and no makeup. Hell, US Weekly takes strides in representing these people in "human" moments that say, "They're just like US". But Ms. Spears doesn't appear in public with a freshly scrubbed face and a poney tail sporting flipflops and a tshirt, no, she appears in public with makup that looks three days old, slutty and disheveled clothes, and hair that looks like she was just attacked on the head by a very hyper monkey. I mean, I wouldn't even go out of the house looking like that, and no one is snapping my picture. What does she do all day that leaves her looking like that? Is she running marathons, planting trees, and skydiving all without a travel brush and a mirror? It takes effort to look that bad people. Because I see plenty of "real" people everyday and they all look like they've showered.

I'm not a mom - just think this site is hilarious.

I heart Britney as much as the next person and to me it seems as though we all make mistakes...just too bad her's end up on the cover of US Weekly every time they're photographed. (I of course am an avid US Weekly reader...so I play into this.)

Look - what I don't understand is this - why anyone has a "right" like so many here have said to judge other moms - mother or not.

Here's to Britney - being herself. And hopefully she'll start crankin out the tunes again sometime down the road.

Thanks for the thought provoking piece Dooce.

I find myself shaking my head in sympathy when it comes to Britney. I made so many mistakes, and will probably continue to do so. I suffered depression both before and after having my twins. Not only did I let them tummy sleep, I have dropped them both at one time or another. However, I made a point to not run outside my apt telling every neighbor in the complex that I just dropped a kid out of my lap onto the floor. I do agree that when everyone had a fit over her almost dropping her baby that they were being too critical. The car seat stuff, I do have problems with. Like it or not, she is in the public eye, and she does need to put some thought into certain situations. Motherhood is the toughest job I have ever had. I can't imagine doing it that publicly. Maybe that's the reason I am not.

She reminds me of me ex-sil that got pregnant at 16. Hand her several billions of dollars, and there you have it....Britney. The thing is, she has finally started learning from her mistakes. I think Britney got stuck at about 16, and is slowly learning to grow up.

I do have problems with her begging the public to leave her alone, and then proceeding to do things publicly (see the bazaar spread) that sceams for us to pay attention to her. I support her decision to focus on her family and try to learn to be a family. But to then turn around and demand attention.........she should be careful what she asks for as she just might get it.

Hey, at least Britney is better than Lindsay Lohan, who hates kids and may or may not have two brain cells to rub together.

http://www.thelooneys.com/blogs/alan/archive/2006/06/29/948.aspx

Heather, I know you probably don't listen to country, but if you get the chance to listen to a piece of the song "My Give-a-Damn's Busted" on iTunes then do it because I think it is what Britney is going through - she just don't give a damn... I think we've all been there a time or two, we just didn't have someone following us around with a camera to capture it.

I love these Alpha Mom posts. I mean, who can write about something so inane for so long and it still be fun and interesting? I'm baffled by this ability of yours.

Two things.

My wife has never looked more beautiful than when she was wearing just a t-shirt and sweatpants and had her pregnant belly popping out. And I think more woman should embrace their pregnancies than try to hide it.

And second. I have always considered myself a Practicing Parent. None of us parents are perfect. We learn as we go. We should not judge other parents. We should leave that to the young single naive people who are going to jusge us anyway.

Great article Dooce.

I hardly ever comment on Dooce, even though I'm a faithful reader, because I think I have to read the comments- ALL the comments- first. I'm breaking my rule today.
Heather, I read your piece. Nicely done. You make some good points. However, you are a fan. I'm not, never have been. There is no nice way to say that I think Brit is talentless. She is absolutely gorgeous, though. [And she doesn't need to lose any weight- she is a great example of a reasonably fit pregnancy. And she looked fantastic right after her son was born.]
I am a new mom to a four month old. I was pretty put together in my early twenties, and I have appearance fatigue. But I don't think I look half as trashy as Britney does.
That's the thing: She' Pretty! If those of us with less money, no help, smaller winnings from the genetic lottery can look and deport ourselves with some class, then I don't think it's wrong to shake our heads in dismay at the downward spiral.
I'm country, and I like to go barefoot. I never "drove" with my parents, but I did ride in the back of a pickup. (It was on a mostly untraveled country road, though, not an LA freeway.) So I'm not trying to judge her as parent, or a pedestrian or whatever. But as a little nobody in a world obsessed with celebrities, I know I'm not the only one experiencing a little schadenfreud.

I think part of the problem I have with Britney right now is she's crossed that place where a celeb crosses the line into being a real person (like the reason Heather said she didn't watch interviews with Britney) and that real person is kinda..ick. Until recently, we could avoid the real Britney. Now, she's everywhere, she's isn't working, and it isn't pretty. I think her music is catchy and fun, and I am surely beyond the demographic as well.

While it's no fun for anyone to have their parenting skills critiqued, there is something to be said for having a wee bit of class, and not adding fuel to the fire. In that interview she was defensive, on the verge of tears the whole time, and the fake eyelashes falling off nearly killed me. And not to mention, there is a big difference between being a normal new mother and being a wreck and tired and unshowered, and being Britney Spears and being that much of a wreck. She has _people_ for chrissakes.

Yes, White Trash. Delete me again if you like, Heather.

But endangering your child in such a reckless manner and not being truly contrite about it, not having the slightest bit of understanding about how stupid that was -- that is unforgivable. Not "It's OK, she's just fallible like the rest of us."

What is even more exasperating is when others try to excuse or justify incredibly uneducated behavior. And while I don't think that is what you, in particular, are doing, the whole subject of Britney as a mother riles me (and my wife) to no end. So forgive me, please, if I blow a gasket.

While I applaud your reflections that parents aren't perfect and that we should be less judgmental and more forgiving, her actions with her child in her car are way past the limit for me, perfectly punctuating her persona.

She has benefited tremendously from her celebrity. I don't feel sorry for her due to the scrutiny she receives. Every parent we know would never, ever do such a thing except under fear of imminent death. What we should really be saying is: THESE PEOPLE SHOULD NOT REPRODUCE.

waaaaoooow.
Dooce, I so agree with you, who the hell knows WHAT they are doin at 20-25.Maybe some really with it chic who has me for a mom, well, she's only 14 right now, buuuut, I'm tryin to keep the ball rolling, y'know.
Anyway, I think she is depressed, b/c she always took pride in directing her career. So I think she would take pride in directing this part of her life if she knew how.
But I agree, Kev is not a catch, b/c he is an egoist. I think she is living DOWN to his level, keepin it REAL!for Kevs sake, and when she stops feeling bad that he will never be on her level, she will re-awesome herself.
Anyway, thats what happened to me :)
Either way, I think your essay hit the nail on the head,but what I really liked is how your opened up about you, cause I felt kinship with our dear, confused, country little Brit too. Thanks for opening comments :)

I was never a Britney Spears fan (I'm waaay old for that) but I'm not indifferent to her either -- she was beautiful to look at in her prime & if I sat down with her & got the chance to know her there'd be wonderful things about her personality I'm sure I'd find out about.

When all is stripped away, the celebrity b.s., the fame & the fortune, she is a person, a woman, a mother just like the rest of us. Meaning: she has feelings and worries and sadnesses just as you or I do. Do I lose sleep over her life at night? No, but neither do I feel I can trash her either because, my God, I know how I would feel if I was in her position and everyone was judging and criticizing my every move without knowing who I really am or what my situation is. No one asks to be treated or talked about badly regardless of how they conduct their lives.

In the minute it took me to type a comment, TWO other people got comments in.

You just might need a comment secretary. I'm free, just let me know. In fact, my husband might appreciate me bring some bacon in to this family :)

To everyone who has issued an "approval" or "disapproval" of Britney's appearance, I ask one question: Who the f**k are you to judge? I don't cringe at how Britney looks, I cringe at how easily you dispense critiques like you have some sort of authority. Did anyone give you a Ph.D. in Motherhood? Did you go to Yale for hair extensions? Then back the f**k up kids!

Critical words really just make you look like a high school band geek gossiping about the head cheerleader. Don't be jealous, don't judge and at the end of the day, don't waste your breath because it only shows what an insecure, clenched sphincter you are. Live your life the way you want and let others do the same.

It's so easy to judge others when you have the luxury of your anonymity. Celebrities don't deserve the constant hounding simply because their job is to pretend to be something they're not. Even the ones who enjoy it. It is an image-based job and while their pay is amazing, no human being deserves to be forced to live a life by other's standards. There is no clause in Hollywood contracts that states by appearing in a movie (video, photoshoot, magazine etc.) and promoting it they then relinquish all rights to privacy. They are not entertainment slaves people! Their jobs are simple: entertain us for a fee. NOT "live, breathe and behave always in a way that pleases the most people".

When I was growing up we got to ride in the back of my dad's pickup everywhere (weather permitting). My parents loved us and nobody thought anything of it. I got to sit on my dad's lap and move the steering wheel back and forth like I was driving. I rode with him on his mower too. And I never felt such love like that again, until I held my own child for the first time.

We live in different times where kids fear going to school and parents fear going to work....we're a nation firmly planted in fear. We wouldn't dream of not having our children secured safely in the center of the back seat in a 5-point harness properly buckled over said child with no more than one finger's width of space etc....because we've been told to. If we were surrounded by people whose priority was the almighty dollar...who's to say what we'd be told.

Britney is a marketed commodity just trying to make it in a world without privacy. I'm not saying she's ignorant of what's right and what's wrong, I'm saying she is human.

Heather, I enjoyed your article. Your perspective was thought provoking. I never was a Britney fan until she became a Mom. It's not because I condone her choices. It's because she can show her humanity and doesn't NEED to get airbrushed every time she walks out the door. She shows her pimples, her fat, her feet and her ignorance and then gets up and tries again.

re: car seat - Ca. Highway Patrol reports that 90% of ALL carseats are buckled in incorrectly. Before throwing stones, you might want to head down to your local highway patrol office and check yours.

I wish I could tell Britney what to do.
1. Get rid of Kevin
2. Take your kids and run from Kevin and never look back
3. Take what you have left and leave, you can ries from the ashes girl and be great.
4. Walk away from your loser husband,
hmmm...these are running with a common theme....

Well, I'll be go to hell... you actually put into words what it was I couldn't decipher about my feelings towards Britney. It wasn't disappointment, it was sympathy. I've NEVER been a fan of hers, but that interview was so RAW and so uncomfortable. I see now that it was really because I saw in her my OWN scary first try at motherhood. And, to top it all off, she's pregnant AGAIN! I can't imagine anything more terrifying.

Thanks Heather for bringing the human element to a story most have simply passed off as fluff (which it still kinda is) or a desire for media attention. Britney showed that she is just a girl, flawed but trying, just like the rest of us, and I don't think she should be so harshly judged for that.

What a coincidence, I was reading some of your archives just last night, and when I read some parts about your love for Britney, I wondered what you must be thinking of her now. Thanks for the piece at Alpha Mom, and I have to say I am really impressed with your ability to empathize with Britney's situation. You are absolutely right that she is now the target of the most judgmental people on earth, other mothers. We love to talk crap about how other moms don't know what they are doing - dare I bring up the great cry-it-out controversy here a couple of months ago?

But here's where Britney could stand to take some advice from the other mothers, no matter how judgmental we can be. Exercise a little more common sense and ask for some help, girl! How many times have you or I, in our non-superstar super-rich situations, thought, I could do so much better by my child if I just had someone to help me do the laundry/cook some dinner/scrub the toilet even once a week? The hardest part about being a mom is not loving and protecting your child, but having enough time to do that with complete attention while still maintaining a household and finding just a little quality time to nurture yourself. I think why so many of us get riled up about Britney is that she has the luxury of help but she's still floundering like the rest of us - shouldn't she be making it look easy? And it's also bothersome that many of us have learned that motherhood is a great equalizer, but that Britney has made some decisions that seem to indicate she thinks some of the basic rules don't apply to her - like using a car seat properly or changing a poopy diaper in a restaurant.

I mostly feel sorry for her, that she's such an object of ridicule and that she clearly doesn't know how to get things under control. The lack of control is an issue that I grapple with several times a week, and nobody is putting me all over the internet. But Britney, for your kids and for your own mental health, don't be afraid to ask for help! Nobody is born knowing how to do this, we all need help no matter who we are.

Maybe it's my age/generation, but I have never understood the Britney thing. Strip down to almost nothing, gyrate and hump while you sing - didn't Madonna already do all that? Both are over-rated, over-exposed, over-hyped white trash. Every celebrity who gives birth acts like they're the first to ever do it. Who gives a shit, really?

I don't blame Britney one bit for wanting to just be herself and to not care any longer what people think about her. What I do think is sad, though, is that she is a role model whether she likes it or not and the "real" person she is coming across as now is just plain old white trash with money. Whoever said that you can take the girl out of the trailerpark but can't take the trailerpark out of the girl hit the nail right on the head. She has money, she has fame, but she's still the same girl she was before all of that. It's obviously who she thinks she is and she doesn't desire to be any different.

On the subject of the magazine cover, I thought it was quite flattering. She didn't look nearly as chubby and trashy as she has in other venues. Not that there's anything wrong with carrying extra weight (especially while pregnant!), but I just thought it made her look good.

What I want to know is how celebrities seem to evolve (or devolve) so much faster than the rest of humankind. They go from being single-celled creatures sitting in a petri dish in Arkansas to cogitating on geopolitics on cable in about 15 seconds. They have meteoric rises at a rate no meteor can match, then implode at the speed of light cubed. Plus, don't their babies gestate lots faster than regular people's? And hasn't anyone else noticed how quickly they get over their last doomed affair, fall in love, move in together, get married and get/adopt/drop babies, then start all over. How do they do it? It's taken me years to become such a mess.

If I was photographed daily for 7 years I would start to not give a shit too.

Hey there, Dooce. Great article, as usual. Like everyone else here, I have something to say.

Here's my Britney history. Back when Brit was the world's biggest pop star, I really couldn't stand her...mostly because I'm more of a hardcore/grunge/punk/alternative kind of gal and Britney's launch into stardom heralded the end of real rock music on the airwaves in my town. I also thought that she was a little too provacative for the younger female audience her music was marketed to and essentially let young girls know that it was ok to dress like a hoochie mama at age 11 (though I did think she was a healthy ideal as far as body image goes because she was curvy and looked like she ate fairly regularly). I guess you could say that it was mostly Britney the performer I didn't care for, not Britney the person. I never paid much attention to Britney the person due to the utter avoidance of anything and everything Britney Spears.

Then she grew up. I started liking her more as she got older.

She started making decisions for herself. And she made sure that everyone in the world knew that she was in charge of her destiny. Sadly, the world decided to magnify and dwell upon her poor decisions and, thinking back, I can't recall her being lauded for any good decisions like getting married before getting pregnant or giving her child a normal name that won't get him beat up in grade school. Instead of being praised for trying like hell to hold her marriage together, she has every tabloid spewing advice about how she should dump him and such...yeah, he may be a skeeve, but he's HER skeeve and it's HER business if and when she chooses to dump him. To me, she got way cooler as she got older. It's like she has this publicity-be-damned-I'm-human-and-I'm-gonna-act-it attitude toward her life and I find it refreshing to see that from a megastar like her. I like that she makes mistakes. I'm not a mother, but even if I was, I don't think I'd take a whole lot of issue with her skills as a mother. So what if she changed her kid's diaper on the floor at Victoria's Secret? It's no different than the time I helped my best friend change her very squirmy and very poopy baby on the floor of Payless in our local mall. Hell, I wish I could meet her someday and be friends with her because she's much more accessible now that she (unlike most other celebrities) has let us know that, hey, she's a regular person, too. And I think she'd be a pretty cool friend, not to mention kind of fun.

Yes, I've had my moments of asking "what the hell was she thinking" but then I realize that I don't care what she does because it doesn't affect me at all. I do get tired of hearing about how she should hire new people so she can get her pristine pop star image back. My thought is that she probably ditched that image for a reason and it's no one's business to judge her for that. And from reading through the bulk of the comments, I got tired of the general message that because she has money, she should look great all the time and has no excuse to let herself go. I think that with all the time and energy she put into looking perfect all the time when she was recording and touring (and with the time and energy she's putting into being a mom to Sean), she has earned every moment of rumpled, comfy, barefooted, ratty-haired imperfection she wants. I believe she's just gotten comfortable enough with herself that she can do that in public, like everyone else in the world. And I find it ridiculous that her actions make so many people uncomfortable. Yeah, she's made some mistakes, but come on...it's not like she's going around breaking up marriages, sleeping around with every rich man on the planet, cheating on her husband, getting involved in bizarre love triangles, flashing her hoo-ha all over the place or living with a constant blizzard raging in her nostrils. We should give her a little credit.

Ok, I'm done rambling/ranting. Sorry it went on for so long. Hope it made a little bit of sense.

I've never been a fan, but I feel sorry for her. I am only one day older than Britney, but I feel justified in saying: she is really young. It's hard to have kids and be married, but it's harder when you're young and the decision-making centers of your brain aren't fully developed yet. She doesn't know what she's doing. Her husband seems like the world's biggest douchebag (and I make it a point not to judge celebrities, because I don't know them) so I hope she divorces him. I think if her kid turns out to be screwed up it will be because of the paparazzi, not his mother.