Attack of the Holiday Hair
I tried a little experiment with the curlers. Not only did it work, but the curlers, THEY TOOK OVER. Be very, very afraid.
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- Bedtime, Leta lingering defiantly in the hallway. Jon: "If you want fart stories, you better get in bed RIGHT NOW."
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
301. Carol said:
Oh, and they say "bubblers" in new england, too.
302. George Lover said:
Lived in Wisconsin for a few years,(anyone been to Waupaca or Wautoma? Saxville? No?) was in New Berlin during a tornado, and to try to tie it all together, my time in WI (home of Stevens Point beer, I might add)was during the 80s where I drank more Miller Shorties than I care to remember.
And now you can all sleep tonight knowing the geographic details of my life!
Uff da!
303. Gia on Guam said:
Not to bash Maggie regarding the South Asia situation but ...
you don't buy Toll House Chips? You want Home-made.
Well, first you start with a cacao plant for the chocolate, Then find yourself a wheat field for the flour and a cane field for the sugar...is that home made enough?
304. Cristin said:
good point mila, Singapore was not affected
Duh, I got so caught up in " Doc Maggie" and her condescending claptrap that I did not notice.
Now DOC MAGGIE will,of course, say she posted that way to see who would notice. Oh well Doc Maggie, I am an idiot, you got your points in now just go away, okay? I for one will not respond to the negativity anymore.
305. Cristin said:
Gia- heh heh too funny
306. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
Do they make curlers small enough to curl chest hair? That would kick ass. Kind of like chest pubes.
307. Carol said:
Gia - very funny!!
Scott - I'm married and not looking, but you're very cute and funny. Ok, enough of the buttery pooka.
308. George Lover said:
Two words: Painter's Pants
309. Carol said:
Dr. Fever - do you post pics on your site? Someone said you looked funny (I think) and I have never seen a photo on your site. Hmmm....
Oh, BTW, today? Walked into a chair and broke my toe just after my MIL sent me a box of porn my hubby left at Christmas. Nice!
310. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
Carol, I don't post pics on my site, but at the risk of stealing the thunder from Dooce's kick-ass hairdo, let me paint a visual picture for you:
I'm 6-foot-3, 170 pounds of pure chocolatey hotness. I have a big Jew nose that dwarfs Barbara Striesdand's, an overbite like Mr. Ed, rampant chest acne, hairy ears and two blue eyes that look in opposing directions -- one at your tits and one at your toes. I drool. I fart a lot. And sometimes, when the moon is right, I wear a lacey black Victoria's Secret boustier under my FUBU jersey.
311. Carol said:
Dr. Fever - I think I dated you in high school.
312. Scott said:
Carol - Thanks for the compliment.
Fever - Holy hell. You are one foxy son of a bitch. I want your eyes! nto yours literally, but ones that do what yours do. Any secrets?
313. Carol said:
No, what I meant by "funny" was 80s funny. You know. About 130 comments ago.
And God, when I opened that porn today (all of the CDs mysteriously gone), I just thought of you. I was so pissed (because I hate porn and the fact that my MIL probly thought it was "ours") at hubby. But all I could think was "does life imitate weblogs?"
314. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
You need to be more open-minded about porn, Carol. Once you watch someone getting a Rusty Trombone or a Dirty Sanchez, your life will never be the same.
Scott, as it turns out, my eyes are removable. I'll sell them to you, but the left one has a big scratch on it from the last time I was watching porn.
315. mashed peas said:
Is there any chance that tomorrow's picture could be one of the man of the house in his temple garment underwear? PLEASE?
316. Eric said:
First!
317. Carol said:
ew.
not about the temple underwear.
temple underwear? yes, please.
318. Library Girl said:
Carol,
I'm from New England and I always say "Bubblers" people from *away* always look at me like I'm crazy :)
319. Jenny Mahler said:
How come you never smile in self-portrait-in-the-bathroom-mirror-shots?
320. Carol said:
LG - you're from NH? We used to always ski in NH. Love Waterville. Sadly, we are in Georgia now. Well not sadly, but miss the skiing.
321. Carol said:
Dooce... do you mean to do this?
I noticed in the pic you are trying to get away from yourself and your hair. Could you two be any further apart? Nice touch.
322. closet metrosexual said:
Dr. Johnny - I don't know if I want to know what a rusty trombone is. I could google it, but I don't know if I want that door opened.
323. Carol said:
it could go the way of ... say... a pink barbie guitar??
324. Amanda B. said:
Wow. See. One little nap and I miss all of this lovin.
325. Girl.A said:
ESTABAN WAS EATEN!
326. closet metrosexual said:
strumming the little pink guitar does sound pretty dirty, doesn't it?
327. Amanda B. said:
Girl A!!!! My geriatric lover. How I missed you so.
Scott- Mr. Tounge...bwaaaahahaha. I just saw that...
328. Carol said:
YO YO YO, YO amandab and girla!
Give me somethin quick, hubby's calling for the knobbin....
329. amberlyn said:
i hope dooce comes out with a book one day. everyone will scramble to buy it, and then they will write messages to each other in the margins and on the front and back pages. it won't be quite the same, but still: funny visual. for me, any way.
but then, it takes little to amuse me. ah, the funny world that exists in my head.
ahem.
330. Amanda B. said:
Oh yeah amberlyn? I see you have not been introduced to Pooka.
Hey Carol darlin.
331. ksea said:
another 80s flashback: The crusty burn on one's forehead from a moment's lapse of attention while using the curling iron to make wall-o-bangs.
332. Carol said:
amandab - pooka'd hubby tonight. NOTHING.
*crickets*
I think I've done it too many times before.
ksea - have burned by forehead. have actually passed out from using hot rollers.
*snort*
333. Carol said:
CM - it does sound kinda dirty. your little, pink... uh... guitar.
334. Scott said:
Amanda B - Gene Simmons is my illegitamate father. I even had a KISS pumpkin when I was six for Halloween. Don't ask.
Oh man... We have brought out the Dirty Sanchez. We are in for it now. It can only go downhill from here.
335. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
Once you learn what a Rusty Trombone is, you'll agree that there couldn't possibly be a better name for it.
336. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
...and did anyone notice that Heather seems to be wearing make-up in today's pic?
337. Girl.A said:
Hey Amanda B, lemme see them gums!
338. Carol said:
Speaking of Rusty and Dirty...
BOOOHHBAHHH!
Gotta go. Signing off....
339. Scott said:
Since we already have the Sanchez going, I just hjave to mention this. On the show Drawn Together they were talking about the male anatomy and they called it "the purple veined custard chucker". Hahahaaa. That had me bawling.
I'm sorry. I have the sense of humor of a five year old. I feel dirty now.
340. maggie said:
ACK! I am the real Maggie! There is an imposter who wrote all those horrible things--I wrote the first post, but not the other ones, so sorry if they offended anyone, but they were NOT me!!
Anyway, I didn't say I thought everyone here didn't care about the disaster! I, too, commented on Heather's hair and how funny it is. I don't think there's anything wrong with going on with everyday life. I was just trying to send out a message here because I knew it would reach a lot of people. I also had NO intention of self-promoting--I was just saying that I was trying to do what I could.
-Maggie (the first one who posted, and the real Maggie)
341. Girl.A said:
Y'alls r bawdy as heck.
Howd sanchez "come up". My baby dint kiss ya did she?
(not referring to amanda b)
342. closet metrosexual said:
Scott - you must have been an early bloomer. I'd say you have the sense of humor of a fifteen year old. Just like me.
Dr. J - I put my fear aside and googled the rusty trombone. You're right, its the perfect description.
343. Girl.A said:
MetSex, yo yo.
Ah's gonna say. wtf 5 year olds you be hangin out wit scott?
344. Amanda B. said:
Yes, but Heather is one of "those" that doesn't need makeup to be pretty. Hrmph.
Scott- 2 words...Reno 911.
*gumming Girl A. on the elbow*
345. closet metrosexual said:
Girl.A - where are you road tripping to?
346. Girl.A said:
dagnammit! granny girl, you gettin me wet!!
on de elbow. f. o. u pervs
347. closet metrosexual said:
Girl.A - you know us way too well.
348. Girl.A said:
MetSex - I wuz coming 'to Boston for the Winter'...
Lol I live here. Just went away to visit relatives of friends and to snowboard and heer lif musik.
Spending 4 days with the NRA folks was mity intrestin. Got some pics hope wont git me keeled.
349. closet metrosexual said:
Boston? Never been to Boston. All I know of Boston is that BU is near Beacon Street. I rooted for the Sox, though.
350. Girl.A said:
Thanks for yo s'port. Whut we gon doo naw thet we won?
Beantown is a real shithouse (a blast). There is a lot of the big city bennies but with a lil city feel. I lived in Calif in many places, and I don't mean no dis'spect, but Bostonians are the most reliable and straightforward folks I have evah met.
only one thing - they close the town early on accounta they protestant roots.
351. closet metrosexual said:
You want to see a town that closes early, come to Minneapolis. I don't have much to compare it to, but it's home.
352. Paula said:
Hey I love Boston..mostly because I live here in the burbs. I'd go to first night but I fear the T. If you're from here, you know that it can be scary! Happy New Year to everyone in Dooce-land.
353. Girl.A said:
I ride the T everyday - it is not scary cept near Ruggles on the Orange Line and mebbe near Roxbury or Dorchester LATE at night. But none of it's scary on New Years - give it a shot Paula.
The majority are prolly folks like you coming to the city for a safe good time.
354. christine1127 said:
If this imposter is the same person, ban their damn IP already! I had a feeling the other Maggie comments were by someone else. I wasn't at all offended by her first post.
355. Library Girl said:
Girl .A
It's always nice to meet another New Englander who says "shithouse" damn I love that word!!!
356. Girl.A said:
Minneapolis! that shit is coooold. downright nipply-ass weather. no wonder it closes down early.
tho if it's anything like chitown, which is cold too, that is a goodtime city all the time.
357. Library Girl said:
Carol,
Yuppers I'm from New Hamster all the way baby!
FYI: People who call say "Water Fountain" instead of "Bubbler" drive me shithouse * snort *
358. closet metrosexual said:
It was 32 and rainy today, but there's always some fun to be had around here. Yeah, we get hard nips from October to April, even when we're not necessarily happy to see you. (Not that I wouldn't be, but you know what I mean.)
359. Girl.A said:
Hey LibGirl,
Mo powa to the info junkies. Unles you are not one. Then mo powa to the New Hamsters.
MetSex, I wanna go to the desert this year in the winter - for me *Annual Be Kind to Nipples Week*
360. Paula said:
Ive heard it called both watah fountain and bubblah.
I say bubblah. Am I cool?
361. Library Girl said:
It's totally called a "Bubblah" if you say it any other way your just "Ritahded"
362. closet metrosexual said:
LOL!
One word: sunscreen.
363. Girl.A said:
I'll definitely wear sunscreen... who wouldn't? The glare off the donkeys in the Grand Canyon would give anyone burnt taters.
364. Kristine said:
I can't log off for a second to have a breakdown and all hell breaks lose.
And what does a former 80's hair model (back down Farrah!)have to do to get a damn imposter?
hey wait, i'm always 'gone' when there is an imposter...maybe i'm an imposter...oh wait, if i'm not here, how can i impose..that doesn't make sense. DAMN MEDICATION!
365. Kristine said:
LOL! I just went and read my comment page on my blog. Thank you guys for all the comments. I laughed so hard all day! well, except for that moment when I realized that someone I love is looking at Yahoo personals of women with no tops on. I was laughing then.
I think I am going to rat my hair and buy some Aussie Scrunch spray and go have a drink.
Sadly, this isn't the imposter.
366. Kristine said:
*wasn't laughing then.
WAS NOT LAUGHING when I found that.
I can't even type, i'm still a bit pissed off.
367. closet metrosexual said:
Don't burn your tater-tots, that'd spoil the whole reason for the trip! Then again, the soothing sensation of some aloe lotion would, er, um, I think I should stop now.
368. closet metrosexual said:
Kristine: Pissed at BF, drinking, and sexxed-up hair. Why oh why can't I be in Cali tonight?
369. Amanda B. said:
Metro, you are so funny.
370. closet metrosexual said:
Amanda B, I'm not funny, I'm pathetic. I'm strumming my way through "Linger" by the Cranberries (because I recognized the song by the D chord. Singing a damn song an octave or two higher than any man should try to sing. Pathetic.)
371. JulieT said:
Okay, am I the only one who notices the very cool yellow on the wall of Dooce's bathroom? Yellows are hard. Sometimes you accidently end up with what my grandmother calls "yaller" or something that looks like it would be better suited for a lemon popsicle.
372. Kristine said:
CM-
Pissed doesn't seem to cover it. I feel like the biggest dumb ass right now.
It's a huge blow to ego - hold on, i need some hershey's kisses- and you know how when Dooce was talking about what she wanted to do to Jon for leaving the side gate open?
Yeah, well the BF left a big ass side gate open.
There isn't enough Hershey's kisses, Aquanet (yeah, to get my hair that big, I need to call out the big boys) and Rodney Strong Merlot to calm me.
Xanax...where is the Xanax????
strum me a song on the pink guitar.
373. Carrie said:
George Lover, you lived in my neck of the woods, tho I've never been to Saxville. I grew up in New London, Wisco. Grew up drinking Old Milwaukee. And we say bubblers here too.
Dooce, your hair looks like something in one of those big books at my hair salon.
374. Kristine said:
Julie T-
I have yeller. I HAD yellow, but now it's one shade too light to be cool. It was cool in 1990 when I painted it that pretty yellow, but now it's not that mustardy color that is so hip now.
375. JulieT said:
Greens are even worse. Don't even try green unless you see it at someone's house and ask them for the EXACT COLOR NAME.
376. Kristine said:
Dude, I totally just pissed my pants.
377. closet metrosexual said:
This one goes out to Kristine
(and I'm playing my "real" guitar tonight)
I'm sure I'm not being rude, but it's just your attitude,
It's tearing me apart, It's ruining everything.
I swore, I swore I would be true, and honey, so did you.
So why were you holding her hand? Is that the way we stand?
Were you lying all the time? Was it just a game to you?
But I'm in so deep. You know I'm such a fool for you.
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,
Do you have to let it linger?
Oh, I thought the world of you.
I thought nothing could go wrong,
But I was wrong. I was wrong.
If you, if you could get by, trying not to lie,
Things wouldn't be so confused and I wouldn't feel so used,
But you always really knew, I just wanna be with you.
378. Amanda B. said:
Aw Metro. It took me a month to get Dust in the Wind down half assedly, back in 1993. You'll get it. Its not sad, it's ambition!
It is Rock bebe Rock!
379. closet metrosexual said:
Amanda - you haven't heard me sing. I think I need to find something a little closer to my natural vocal range. I did learn the solo from "Ordinary World" today. (the best divorce song ever to come out of a fashion band.) Simon LeBon sings almost as high as what'sherBerry, so that's not much help.
380. Kristine said:
awww. I got a song AND an imposter too (and one that uses the word -DUDE - HOW COOL IS THAT?!!)
I guess it just keeps getting better.
Thanks guys.
381. closet metrosexual said:
JulieT - I have eight green paint samples in the room I'm sitting in right now. I don't like any of them.
382. George Lover said:
Ok, totally off subject. A friend's grandmother sends out a Christmas letter every year and totally gets the details wrong--no one's sure if it's intentional or absentmindedness--like instead of one of the nieces working as a medical technician, the grandmother tells everyone she's a doctor. That's just one example. Isn't that hilarious?
383. Girl.A said:
I gots green samples too and they aint paint.
384. George Lover said:
About green paint samples: try to avoid either Forest Service Outhouse Green, and Guacamole Left Uncovered in the Refrigerator Green. I've seen them both, and they're scary.
385. JulieT said:
Take it from someone who works in home improvement... don't paint anything green unless you've seen it on a very large wall. One green that does work is called "Berkshire Beige" (I assure you... it's green). I think it's a Benjamen Moore paint.
386. closet metrosexual said:
G-L: Who put's guacamole in the fridge? Did you run out of chips? Eat it until it's gone!
387. George Lover said:
yeah, but it's getting the ratio just right. Too much guac, buy more chips. Then too many chips, make more guac.
388. JulieT said:
I wonder if Dooce reads all of these.
389. twisteduterus said:
OMG
now I am nervous
for real-i had planned on painting my bedroom a sage green--for real was going to home depot tomorrow to pick out the paint
perhaps i need to rethink green
dag
390. closet metrosexual said:
Julie - I'll look for that. I've got a bunch of BennyMo's, but not that color. The shades that I like don't match the valences I just bought very well, and the ones that I like don't match. I need a woman.
391. George Lover said:
CM-Just looked at your blog (for the first time) and the FABULOUS photos--both of them! Very, very cool. The pink guitar is something. Now if there were only sound clips!
392. twisteduterus said:
cm-
or an intervention by the Queer Eye boys
dag
393. Annie said:
have you seen http://swirl-vc.blogspot.com/2004/12/origins-of-dooce.html?? too funny
394. Amber said:
Wow. I haven't posted until tonight and I missed so much. So much drama!
Apparently I am not the only one that has been impostered. whew!
Dooce, your hair looks ... curly!
My sister in law tried to curl her hair a couple of days before Christmas, and it ended up looking just like that.
God bless!
395. paula said:
Did your uncle Danny Boone own a car dealership in Texas?
396. closet metrosexual said:
twisted- I'd love Thom to re-do my house enough to let Carson near my closet. That man scares me.
397. Paula said:
I meant your grandfather. Was his name Dan Boone?
398. closet metrosexual said:
Thanks G-L, but you really wouldn't want sound clips. It'd spoil the guac.
399. twisteduterus said:
cm- hey they are coming out with a spin off queer eye for the straight girl--ohh pick me...pick me
carson--ah i think he is a harmless girl stuck in a boys body
dag
400. Paula said:
About the hair...it's about time big hair came back in style. I MISS big hair.
401. closet metrosexual said:
My seven-year-old daughter said that Carson "acts like a girl."
402. twisteduterus said:
so wise at 7---
one day, when she is old she too will realize gay men are soo wonderful to have around...sigh
dag
403. twisteduterus said:
i ment older..not old--i think i am tired
404. Girl.A said:
Man this string is too big to refresh on me blackberry. yikes.
btw, my green samples are stocking candy. apple jolly ranchers, big daddy watermelon gum, dum dums, green gummy worms. I made the mistake of asking someone for only green things for christmas.
this impostor thing has me thinking of that retro star trek episode where there is the evil kirk and the good/real kirk...
405. closet metrosexual said:
G'night all. I'm off to sleepy land.
406. twisteduterus said:
goodnight cm-
good night all--dream of dairy products
dag
407. Amber said:
Dream of dairy products?
You mean like cheese and milk?
I think I will go for chocolate milk.
408. JulieT said:
Carson does act like a girl.
See you in the mornin'.
409. Leon said:
Put a few hot curlers in your hair
Get 400 comments
I'm guessing if you gussy yourself up with a little over the top make-up and get yourself a new sassy outfit, you'll blow out the blog server with comments in no time
410. mrs. george #2 said:
Girl.A, what kind of panties do you wear?
411. mrs. george #2 said:
^ George wants to know. Not me. ^
412. Girl.A said:
[hmmm that's not an odd question at all.]
I either wear my Mr. Potato Head scrubs or my GTO, because it does 0-96 in 6 seconds.
And I pretty much look like Dr. Fever described hisself ceptin I have the head of Ren (from the old Ren and Stimpy show) comin out my bum. Half of my body is cartoon character and half is mammal.
But I don't have no back acne, cuz that is just gross.
413. Laurel 825 said:
If you do a calendar, I hope it's of hair pics. The hair never looks bad, but the serious expression is always a hoot. ;) Thanks.