Scrumptious Bearded... oh wait! YOU'RE NOT MY FATHER!
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
1. Jimmy said:
Sweet, first baby
Hope you're all following the Ukrainian election, sunday, sunday, SUNDAY!!
2. Gretchen said:
OH my I remember those days!
3. Bob said:
2nd wow!
4. leyla said:
basketball player in the making. . ?
5. Lurch said:
I remember being terriified of him too!
Happy holidays from Brighton, UK!
6. Jules said:
moooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmyyyyyyy!!!!
(;3 Happy Holidays!
7. Shazzle said:
That's the most adorable thing I've ever seen in my life. Ever. Next year's Christmas card?
8. Lisa said:
That's great. Makes me wonder how long it took her to reach for you.
Happy Holidays.
9. Sarah said:
Wow, that is a great Santa! I mean, he looks very authentic don't you think?
Very, very cute...thanks for not disappointing the masses here! I love how the red on the bottom of her shoe sort of pulls the whole image together. Compositionally, I mean.
10. Mr Biscuit said:
At least Santa looks happy!
11. Jena said:
TOO CUTE! You are a very lucky mommy, she is adorable.
Merry Christmas!
12. Andrew R. Jenkins said:
http://www.southflorida.com/events/sfl-scaredsanta,0,2245506.photogallery?coll=sfe-events-headlines&index=1
13. Sasha said:
Adorable!
14. David said:
That's an early age to suss out that he's a fake. Respect, Leta.
15. Jess said:
Andrew, that scary santa gallery is AWESOME. I'm wiping away the tears of laughter now. *dab dab*
16. Cheryl said:
Oh so that's how it went... thanks for the update Dooce.
17. lulu cornichon said:
Santa's got a right sporty watch, there. I guess it makes sense that the Utah Santas are more outdoorsy than the New England Santas.
18. Fran said:
Oh, poor Leta. That looks like a scary experience.
19. chickenflicken said:
Since when does SANTA CLAUS wear such a hi-tech black and silver spaceship of a watch?! Shouldn't it be a pocket watch or something equally quaint?
20. Carolyn said:
Ah, the frantic get-me-off-Santa photo! She is so cute. We don't do the Santa thing, so I missed out on such photos.
21. melissa said:
Ha! Reminds me of this link http://www.southflorida.com/events/sfl-scaredsanta,0,2245506.photogaller...
"Scared of Santa Photos".
22. Kieran said:
I didnt know Santa wore those Nike sport watches
23. Helen said:
MOMMY!
Aw, bless her. That's an adorable picture.
24. bushra said:
heather. the pictures are too sweet. more!
25. sally said:
Here is a link to scared santa photos. They are great. Go visit the site.
http://www.southflorida.com/news/sfl-scaredsanta,0,3205438.photogallery?...
26. Scott said:
Awesome picture. Leta looks like she is about to cartwheel right off his leg and backhandspring into your arms.
27. Beth said:
That is so freaking sweet. And he's a super Santa!
28. heathertoo said:
And she is in pink with two socks, and two shoes! Best one yet!
29. kEma said:
Scrumptious BABY, afraid of Santa. Leta .. Leta you have no idea how after years you will beg to be on his lap, and to be able to touch his beard, without being desturbed by the fact that he is DAMN PHONEY!
30. Monica said:
I love how her legs are sticking straight out like she doesn't want to touch one more square inch of Santa then is required...
31. Cammie said:
I've been Dooced. :(
32. Sarah said:
Wow...how many times is the scared santa photo link going to be posted?? It was posted at least twice yesterday, I think. LOL!
We are obviously a group that gets an inordinate amount of pleasure from seeing pictures of kids terrified.
33. JuJuBee said:
Ahahaha! Great picture!! Poor little Leta...she musta been so confused.
34. Sara from WI said:
I like how her fingers are curled back, like she's pulling on your invisible reins.
35. Steve said:
Hmmm...Santa...Santa...S-A-N-T-A...S-A-T-A-N...Feets, don't fail me now!
36. Girl.A said:
Santa doesn't smell like Daddy either - that peppermint schnaaaaaaps breath and the blinding white beard are terrifying. I know, I just had my picture taken with Santa yesterday. It's part of my therapy for Kringlephobia.
When I was 5 I punch Santa in the sack because he was so much bigger than me and I figured only monsters dressed like that in real life. Yesterday I stomped on his toe because he told me I had a nice ass.
37. Mir said:
That is hilarious. Leta will so enjoy you showing that photo to her boyfriends in high school.
38. Another Dooced one said:
Sorry Cammie! I got dooced Dec 1, so I'm right there with ya. Relax for now and try to enjoy the holidays.
Dooce, great picture to blackmail her with when she's older!
Merry Christmas to all...
39. Becky said:
When Miss Leta reaches her teens, and tells you to get out of her space, you'll have this perfect photo to remind yourself that there was a time when she wanted nothing on the planet more than to have you IN her space. Look at those precious, tiny fingers, pulling you closer to her with sheer will. Another moment exquisitely captured!
(BTW -- this Santa matches my own mental image of exactly what Santa must look like. Thanks for letting me believe all over again! :>D )
40. Mo said:
not my daddy...AND NOT GEORGE EITHER!!! WTF, Mom? W.T.F?
*priceless*
41. Stacey said:
So freaking cute!
42. Liv said:
Very cute!
43. lauragayle said:
Lovely! You'll never have to worry about her running off with a jolly old elf...
44. Liz said:
That is not a happy camper.
45. Ali said:
Aw. I think it's a rite of passage for every baby to have the "GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME SANTA" picture. I know I had one, except I bit Santa.
46. LadyBug said:
LOVE this picture. And that's one of the best mall Santas I've ever seen.
When my oldest daughter was almost 2, and her sister (now 6) was a baby, the mall Santa was a _tiny_ little Spanish man, who didn't seem to speak or understand English and looked about as much like Santa as *I* do. We've always affectionately referred to him as Pépé Santa.
47. catdog said:
happpy christmas from edinburgh
48. Mrs.Stray said:
Santa's watch is almost as big as yours. He looks like he is taking joy in the fact that Leta is trying to escape his grasp, and can't.
AAAW Babies First Christmas!!!! Joy!! It usually involves the eating of wrapping paper, playing with boxes, and caring less what toys are in said boxes. Boxes. heh.
49. Dawn said:
Moooooooom!!!! Do you feel the love? Happy Holidays!
50. Linda said:
Very cute!
51. Rhiana said:
Merry Christmas, Dooce and family!
52. Pixie said:
So was your bundle of joy/hell screaming bloody murder at the time??
53. becca said:
That's a pretty pimp watch Santa is sporting.
And the fear Lena is exuding shouldn't be cute to me; but it is. Am I bad?
54. Lindsey said:
Ahhh Run Leta!!!
(Cammie I just read your post and I can't believe what your going through! People suck sweetie, I'm sorry)
55. LT said:
Left-handed Santa alert!
Left-handed Santa alert!
56. Chris From Ohio said:
In a related story, it was recently discovered that Department Store Santas have a gravitational pull preventing small children from fleeing the atmosphere. Just be glad she's not orbiting...
"This is Major Tom to ground control. I'm stuck to this fat man in a most peculiar waaaaay."
57. cee said:
Perfect capture! You know that's exacatly the panicked thought she was thinking!! Cute! =)
Merry first Christmas to your family!
58. JB in Texas said:
I'm pretty sure she won't remember the trauma!
59. Chris From Ohio said:
LT - Left-handed Santa? Is that like... HEY. THAT'S NOT MISTLE TOE! Nevermind all that. Listen to your grandmas, kids. Don't smoke your drugs or Santa.
60. TracyDee said:
I've got PLENTY of pictures like those... JUst WAIT until next year (evil grin) :)
61. August95 said:
Thanks for sharing Letas Christams Picture with us. Have a wonderful Christmas Heather and Gang.
62. The Mighty Jimbo said:
nobody wants to be the elf in charge of santa's laundry.
63. Em said:
Awesome Santa. I guess he goes where the MOST RELIGIOUS people are, eh?
64. beachgal said:
So glad you posted this. I'm sure she's not going to remember being afraid of the big man. But you can always show the picture. After seeing one of the ladies in the office who took her twins to see santa, I'm glad I skipped it this year.
65. ange said:
Hey, you guys have the best Santa! Was his beard REAL?
Ours is so puny and you could see his brown beard under the fake one and I swear my 8 year old was taller than he was?
66. beachgal said:
hmmm...i left out some words, I think. Like the PICTURES of the twins with santa..screaming their bloody heads off. I'm sleepy.
67. LT said:
All the left-handed Santas love Utah best, you know.
68. closet metrosexual said:
Santa thinks Girl.A has a nice ass? Click on my link, my toes are not afraid (I'm wearing steel toed shoes).
69. Amanda B. said:
Thanks for the pic Dooce. That is too funny. Santa can be very sca-wy when you are just little.
70. Tracy said:
Oh Good Lord that is an adorable picture.
71. Sheryl said:
That is really cute and funny - my mom has lots of pictures like those except I was crying. And maybe hitting.
I don't know if anyone has already mentioned this but this type of activity, getting her to sit on the lap of a guy in a crazy costume at the mall, might help with her PT. Look at the muscle control in her leg and arm!
72. Georgeaholic said:
When you said that, I was waiting for a George pic.
I am so disappointed.
73. Calli said:
Looks like they're terrified of each other. Leta's scared of Santa, and vice versa.
74. Kristine said:
He looks like a good santa with a geeky watch!
The last one we took, I swear he was like "Badder Santa".
Creepy as hell!
HAPPY HOLIDAYS...and for the rest of us --- HAPPY FESTIVUS!!
75. JulieT said:
If he comes down the chimney, let's hope she doesn't see him.
76. penelope said:
That is one REAL looking Santa. I remember santa always being so fake: a too-bright-white beard where you can see the elastic straps, the santa suit that's been worn thin, the bored look on Santa's face....
Leta's got it good!
77. penelope said:
Although, does Santa wear a watch like that? I think he'd should have a pocket watch or something instead.
78. JulieT said:
She looks so confused... "WHY WOULD YOU EVER CONSIDER GIVING ME TO A BIG RED MAN WITH A BEARD? Get back over here, RIGHT NOW!"
79. RazDreams said:
(dooce, seems to be some problems on blurbomat: http://www.blurbomat.com/archives/2004/12/22/the_saint_of_upper_haight)
80. diane said:
The contrast from standing in line to see Santa, where she looks pretty calm and hopeful, to this picture, is absolutely hilarious!!
Since ever the story of Santa was told children have been afraid to sit on his lap. It's a necessary right of passage. :)
81. Karen Rani said:
Adorable as always!
Merry Christmas Jon, Heather, Leta, Chuck, George, Grandmommie and everyone!
Girl A. You make me laugh! That was hysterical!
82. shannon c said:
Great shot! Leta looks like she's right between scream like hell and throwing herself back into his chest.
Quick side note: in order to get "dooced" don't you first have to have a blog that you mention your work and that is why you were "dooced?" Just getting let go from a job does not let you say you were "dooced."
83. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
Santa wears a runner's watch. Who knew? They must have a kick ass track and field program up there in the North Pole.
84. Gordon said:
I didn't even notice that Dr. F until you pointed that out. SO THATS how Santa warps from house to house...a time machine. Maybe Leta figured it out?
85. Deenzadrine said:
What makes it even better besides the "holy shit, get me away from this freak" look on Leta's face is Santa's "Hurry up and take the goddamned picture before this kid claws my eyes out" look...
86. Jamie said:
Go Go Gadget Arms!
87. closet metrosexual said:
shannon c - if somebody is threatening to take away Cammie's kids because of something she wrote in her blog, that's worse than dooced, that's fucked.
My heart goes out to Cammie.
88. Meeeeerry Fish-mas!!! said:
My watch has been missing for a few days ...
Hey, Santa stole my fucking watch! That damn chimney-jumping bastard. And this after I left out those tasty sausage McMuffins.
*mouth full*
Mmmph. Mfffmufffinth.
89. Girl From Ipanema said:
Oye!That picture is sweeter than my coffee this morning. Leta is so adorable. Thank You Dooce!
90. Girl.A said:
Fish,
The old age is already setting in. Don't go all paranoid on us now. Your forgetfulness will multiply with your sleepless nights. Dementia can set in also. I know, I have a screaming brat of my own now (not human people). But you do have a point about Santa.
If you're Santa, why wouldn't you just have a sense of entitlement everyeffinplace you went?
I suspect Santa left me a present last year, parked in my toilet. (George?)
91. Margaret from Germany said:
Are those KEDS sock savers???
92. pismire said:
And Leta attempted to get away. She held her small arms out to her mother with her fingers clawing at the air. But Dooce was not quick enough, though she tried. Her long legs could not carry her fast enough to her desperate daughter. In one lightning bolt swoosh, Santa ate poor little Leta before taking the next unsuspecting toddler onto his lap.
93. Meeeeerry Fish-mas!!! said:
Girl.A: that would have been the yule-log.
*rimshot*
Thankyoouuu, I'll be here all week!
94. dänika said:
Commence the scree-hee-hee-ming and the flailing of limbs, Leta, for Santa is a bad man and the whole world should know! I would scream, too. That beard is SCARY.
95. Regan said:
now THAT'S a cool looking santa! all my pics with santa when I was a kid were with sweaty 24 year olds with obviously fake beards.
hehe...You'll shoot your eye out, Leta!
96. Shelly Rae said:
Santa is not phoney!
97. Amanda B. said:
*Fish's arteries beg for mercy*
*Amanda takes out dentures, shakes fist at Girl A.*
98. Girl.A said:
Amanda you can be my bad ass granny any day. You'd be the coolest granny ever.
I love grannies, by the way, and don't want to accidentally contribute to any health problems. Or any more denture issues for you, Amanda.
99. Amanda B. said:
Oh, I was only kidding. I'll be your granniebitch, and you can totally borrow my scooter-chair.
100. Meeeeerry Fish-mas!!! said:
Amanda: Since I can hardly stand up from lack of sleep, I figure I'd harden my arteries to the point where they prop me up. Are you saying that that's not a good idea?
Maybe I'll come down to MS and steal that chair, granniebitch.
101. Meeeeerry Fish-mas!!! said:
You know, Leta kinda looks like she's posing as a Powerpuff Girl. I think that she's gonna beat the hell out of Santa.
Dooce, could you please ask her to get my watch back for me?
102. Amanda B. said:
Well Fish, you guys are more than welcome. I was thinking I could FedEx you and DL some Sonic pancakes on a stick for Christmas. :)
Heck no, I'm all about the artery cloggin. Mt. Dew and chilli cheese fries are what keep me going.
103. Meeeeerry Fish-mas!!! said:
I love things on sticks.
104. Cristina said:
My husband and I are walking out the door to go buy the Nikon D70. Damn you and your wonderful pictures.
105. GeorgeLover said:
Is it just me, or does Santa's hat look a little big on him?
Great Photo!
106. Tiff said:
CLASSIC!
107. sporty said:
I won't post the link that everyone posted 23445346457568 times before. I was going to say, at least she doesn't look completely frightened.
108. Shiz, who says Merry Christmas to all, or possibly Hanukkah said:
Has this been said?
(Heavy breathing) "Leta, I am your father!"
Sorry. Am lame.
And Heather? I LIKE IT WITH THE ALL CAPS SHOUTING, OKAY? You do it well, girl. Jason can just SUCK IT UP.
109. Scott-san said:
We took our daughter to see Santa when she was 16 months old (last Christmas), and she wouldn't stay with him. So we had to get in the picture, too. Very sad. And she looks so confused in that picture.
110. Amanda B. said:
Happy Festivus Shiz. I'm dying my back hair red and green in your honor.
My favorite is the Thing. Like. This. Dooce. Does.
Hope everyone has a very peaceful holiday!
111. GMM said:
I agree with Sarah- very authentic santa! Such a cute picture... right before a meltdown?!
112. red said:
i LOVE this picture. my sister was really afraid of santa for years... she's 23 now and he still kinda creeps her out. :) happy holidays, Dooce.
113. Stephanie said:
Damn, I am jealous. Our Santa Clause looked like a homeless man. Your Santa looks snazzy!
114. Shiz, who says Merry Christmas to all, or Hanukkah or Kwanza said:
Doesn't being "dooced" mean to be fired for one's blog?
115. Emily said:
What a handsome Santa. Is he Mormon? Leta looks so tall. I'm 6'2" and my husband is 6'3"...I'm thinking our little forming baby is gonna be like....7'6". Merry Christmas, Armstrong Family!
116. Shiz, who says Merry Christmas to all, or Hanukkah or Kwanza said:
Mo (40),
You're right! GEORGE! would make a perfect Santa!
117. XandersMom said:
http://riverfronttimes.com/issues/2004-12-22/news/news2.html
This guy was "Dooced!"
118. Trance said:
Oh, that's too cute. "Wait, you're backing away. Don't back away for the picture. DON'T BACK AWAY, MOM. DON'T BACK AWAY!! THIS GUY IS WEARING KID PAJAMAS AND HE'S LIKE, EIGHTY!!" Adorable. Merry Christmas.
119. Mary Christmas said:
Well, crap, now that I've scrolled all the way down here, I can't remember what I was going to say.
Am lamer than Shiz. Way lamer.
Happy Holiday Type Season Thingy.
120. Shiz, who says Merry Christmas to all, or Hanukkah or Kwanza said:
I agree with Closet Metrosexual (87): You weren't really dooced, but what you are going through is awful, awful, awful. So sorry, girl.
121. Shiz, who says Merry Christmas to all, or Hanukkah or Kwanza said:
Amanda B., check out my back hair link.
122. Jenny said:
Nice watch, Santa.
123. Amanda B. said:
Shiz- I think I love him a little bit.
124. april said:
THAT is a most darling letamoment.
125. Shiz, who says Merry Christmas to all, or Hanukkah or Kwanza said:
I love what this one says: "If a wax job sounds too labor-intensive ... "
Labor-intesive? What is he, a Wooly Mammoth?
126. closet metrosexual said:
Shiz, would you really want to wax the rest of "heartboy's" back at two or three inches at a time? You'd be waxing for hours!
127. Big Gay Sam said:
yeah yeah.. real cute... very lovely.. whatever.
now back to Kottke. He's Gay????
:op
Totally kidding. Merry Christmas to you and yours Dooce.
128. LT said:
Santa's totally touching her boob.
129. Meeeeerry Fish-mas!!! said:
Big Gay Sam: Kottke's next entry:
*Rumor dispelled*
I'M NOT GAY AND I DON'T WANT TO GET UP IN YO' GRILL.
130. Shiz, who says Merry Christmas to all, or Hanukkah or Kwanza said:
You are right, closet-boy. Ew, ew, and ew.
Also? Ew.
131. Shiz, who says Merry Christmas to all, or Hanukkah or Kwanza said:
It looks like Santa has a kick-ass chair.
Where can I get me one of them?
132. domino said:
Shiz - I reckon "dooce" as a verb is very flexible - I use it when I'm constipated...
133. Sheryl said:
Everyone is so merry! Are you all as drunk as I am?
I just went to the holiday lunch for my team and had 2 glasses of Shiraz and I sware taht stffu mkaes me los my mnid.
134. Meeeeerry Fish-mas!!! said:
I think I saw that Santa on 20/20 in a story about polygamy. Now we know why Santa always looks the same, but Mrs. Claus looks different every time. We also know how Santa got all those damn elves. I always figured he had a contract with Willy Wonka.
135. Shiz said:
Go ahead, Fish. Ruin Santa for EVERYONE.
And Mmmmmm ... Shiraaaaaaaaaaaz. Banrock Station is my favourite. Slurp.
136. Sheryl said:
Hey Shiz, you could just use Razorba instead of waxing the back hair!
http://www.razorba.com/default.asp
137. closet metrosexual said:
Drunken WILF alert! Send in the stalker-pervos! Quick, before the shiraz wears off.
"Have a peppermint? Ok, thanks, Sheryl. Umm, why'd she give me a peppermint?"
138. Sheryl said:
Shiz - Two big glasses of Hanwood Estate McWilliams Shiraz, with thin-sliced wood grilled spicy calamari over polenta and a green salad.
139. Sheryl said:
Lol Metro, I think I need a peppermint myself! Or a jug of antibacterial soap to wash away all the profane comebacks I was thinkin up.
140. Gia said:
That is so funny. What a great blackmail pic for when she is 16!!! ;)
141. closet metrosexual said:
Sheryl - I could go for a tanker truck of antibacterial soap to wash away everything I didn't write. I figured I was safe if I told myself to peppermint fuck-off. Besides, I have to be careful not to be unfaithful to my one true cyber-love (with the nice ass!), Girl.A.
142. diyosa said:
We have a shot of our nearly 1 year old that looks exactly like that.
143. Girl.A said:
Does something stank in here? hmmm
Smells like boiled eggs. Or maybe a sulphur mine.
I love eggs!
http://www.iloveegg.com/winopen_ani/eggsong.htm
144. The Mighty Jimbo said:
as much as i love the fact that dozens of people are now buying d70s because of you (they are GREAT cameras), good pictures come from a good photographer, and not a good camera. dooce, you got mad skillz.
145. maricar said:
That's an adorable picture. Leta is so cute.
146. closet metrosexual said:
Mighty Jimbo is right, the D70 doesn't make you a great photographer, but having such a fine tool has to make it easier to get the shots you want. Did anyone else check out http://www.slower.net/ one of Jason (in yo grill's) other faves? Another D70 user with a fantastic eye for the beauty all around us.
147. Dazed & Confuzed said:
I think Dooce needs to "borrow" the tagline from The Bradlands (http://www.bradlands.com/) - "serving up juicy, delectable slices of life on wry"
148. liz said:
Leta: "Go-go gadget arms and legs!"
149. AyEnDeeAreEeAyAitch said:
Loves it!
150. Caitlin said:
Have any of you seen this site? It's hysterical! A whole slew of scared santa pictures!
http://www.southflorida.com/events/sfl-scaredsanta,0,2245506.photogaller...
151. Visvoice said:
Too too funny!
152. Tamara said:
Last, yeah!
Commence with the screaming --
that santa looks like a sport
153. Tamara said:
Yeah, last!
Commence with the screaming -- doesn't that Santa look like a sport?
154. Big Gay Sam said:
Sheryl said at 11:54AM, 12.23.2004:
Everyone is so merry! Are you all as drunk as I am?
darlin' I'm always mary.. err.. merry. It comes with the territory.
155. lulu cornichon said:
Thanks for the heads up on slower.net, Metro. Between that and Girl.A's new blog, I'll never work again.
156. Sheryl said:
Sheryl, oooooo Merry Merry.
Merry Widow. I would be wearing one of those but they are not exactly comfortable for um, sitting at a PC.
157. Danielle said:
I looked at the thumbnail and thought
"ew, black bows on Christmas presents?"
What a relief to see that it was the back of Satan's, I mean, Santa's chair.
158. closet metrosexual said:
So, Sheryl, what are you wearing instead? Hmmm? Something a little more, you know, comfortable? Wink, wink.
No, I don't want another peppermint, thank you very much!
159. Sheryl said:
Chain mail of course.
160. Chloe said:
That is, like, the nicest looking Santa I've ever seen! I wouldn't even be worried about sitting on his potentially pervy lap. And, he's left-handed, like all of us cool people. * cough *
Look at how long Leta's arms and legs are getting! I mean, I guess we all knew it was going to happen, but wow! So jealous. Also jealous of Santa's watch. Also mad at the makes of tylenol with codeine's manufacturers for not putting a certain "dooce-ish" side-effect in huge letter on the bottle, so one would be forwarned to start eating "dried plums". (Wow. That was an overshare.)
161. closet metrosexual said:
me too. go figure.
162. Shiz said:
Danielle: Black bows are awesome on the right wrapping.
Girl A.: That egg movie rocked!
163. efrain said:
You should submit this picture to The Scared of Santa Gallery at
http://www.southflorida.com/news/sfl-scaredsanta.photogallery
Well, it's not like she seems too scared of Santa.
164. Girl.A said:
What up with the mints? Sheryl, you're oh so civilized. I'd rather go with the Ass Pennies everytime. The gift that keeps on - making me LMAO.
"I've been sticking $30 in pennies up my ass for the past 11 years! That's 3,000 pennies a day; 21,000 pennies a week; 1,092,000 pennies a year! To date that's 12,012,000 pennies, 8 times the population of Nebraska. Those pennies were in my ass! You think you're better than me? Oh, you're not better than me. You handle my ass pennies everyday. You pick up my ass pennies for good luck. You throw my ass pennies in fountains and make wishes on them. You give my ass pennies to your little daughter to buy gumballs with. "
Upright Citizens Brigade
165. Shiz said:
Do people not know by now to hit F5, CTRL + R, or APPLE + R or refresh to refresh the page and see their comment? Double posters, take note!
166. closet metrosexual said:
Girl.A - see yesterday's #218 about the mints.
167. Meeeeerry Fish-mas!!! said:
*Fish takes change out of his pocket and sniffs it*
Whew.
168. closet metrosexual said:
Fish,
howdaheck do you "bold" your comments? I've been googling and searching, but getting nowhere.
169. Shiz said:
Sheryl, that's such a great idea! Mints to the ones that annoy! They think you like them, you know the truth.
170. Girl.A said:
Fishy, Fishy, Fishy
If you ever watch the Upright Citizen's Brigade re-runs, you'll see that Mr. Ass Penny recommends cleaning and shining them up before giving them out to people. It's a successful brother giving advice to his less successful bro. He claims all that success comes from the satisfcation that his Ass Pennies give him.
And gives new meaning to money laundering...
171. Meeeeerry Fish-mas!!! said:
I think that Sheryl and Girl.A should combine their ideas.
Oh, wait. someone already did.
*click me*
172. Meeeeerry Fish-mas!!! said:
Shit. NOW click my name.
173. Kristine said:
I'm making my list, I'm checking it twice...
Tomorrow is going to be one of those crazy days, I might not make it here to post.
HOLY CRAP! THE CHILD IS CLIMBING A TREE! SHE BROKE HER ARM A FEW MONTHS AGO! WHAT IS SHE THINKING?
okay sorry...mid type my daughter says she see's my other daughter climbing a tree.
THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS for a broken arm.
I'm sorry, the holiday stress is killing me.
Anyway, back to the list. I finally figured out how to add people to my 'blogs i read list' and if you want to be added just leave me a comment and I will add you. Some of you are already there.
Oh, and have a stress free Christmas everyone. It's too late for me, but you go on ahead.
Kristine :)
174. Melanie S said:
OPRAH...
I wish I was a neighbor to DOoce and Crazy Us so we could talk about the greatness of Oprah today. I'm so touched by today's show...
My son just walked in here and said "Mom, why are you crying? Is it because you can't poop again?"
Moment officially ruined!
175. Erin said:
That is classic! My mom and I make my sister get our pictures taken every year with Santa - and we are 20 and 22, and we now have 20 glorious pictures, with a couple of them looking like that!
I've been a reader for a while, and I just love your site!
176. Diana said:
That's a really funny picture but that caption made it hilarious! lol.
177. Denise said:
Ok - just how big is that Santa chair?
178. Gia on Guam said:
Merry Shitmist and a Happy Poo Rear!
179. Girl.A said:
And a Happy Sphincter Operator!
http://strypey.orcon.net.nz/images/kitty.jpg
180. Mrs.Stray said:
Ok Fish, the grossest part of the whole "mint" thing is that guys tongue appears to have been peirced. That stopped being cool like 5 years ago, you know what 40 year old fat bald guys started doing it. Ick.
181. Mari said:
Merry Christmas!!!
182. Shiz, who says Merry Christmas to all, or Hanukkah or Kwanza said:
I like how you WROTE about the tree climbing, Kristine, but yet apparently did nothing about it.
Fish, how about an assmint testimonial?
183. Kristine said:
Shiz-
Oh don't be fooled. I can type and YELL at the top of my lungs. I think I was typing what I was yelling!! ha ha ha. The child came in and I said, "What were you thinking child?!" She burst into tears and of course I'M THE BAD GUY!
It's probably a good thing I didn't go out there, I would have been that crazy neighbor in her jammies and robe with her hair up in a pony tail and ozzy ozbourne make up all the way down to her chin yelling, "GIIIIIRRRLLLLL! GET YOUR LITTLE ASS OUT OF THAT TREE NOWWWWWWWW!"
I embarrass them enough. I think I should just stay in the house today until the meds kick in. ;)
184. Sam said:
Did anyone else think that the thumbnail was a crotch? That can't be an accident.
185. Shiz said:
Mmmmmmmmmmmmm ... meeeeeds.
186. Kristine said:
60 easy-to-swallow capsules....
I was told I can't take all 60 at once though.
187. Girl.A said:
Hi Kristine + Shiz
188. Kristine said:
Hi Girl A,
Loving the baby blog!
I added you to my list.
Hope you are not minding.
189. MrsDoF said:
Hey, Kristine (186) do your neighbors let you cuss at your kids?
Now, see, my own dad was in the Navy 5 years, then worked in a steel mill for 32. He could turn the air blue right in our living room, and I thought nothing of it.
Then my husband and I moved here, to a university town, where everybody has a higher education.
The first summer day I told one of my boys to get his ass over here RIGHT NOW, (And Dooce, you should hear my Appalachian accent when I get going) three little old ladies stuck their heads out their doors and told me a thing or three about teaching by example, and motherhood, ETC.
I had to really clean up my language to make nice with neighbors.
190. Girl.A said:
Awww shucks. Isskool.
I 'preciate da props!
191. DeAnn said:
Heh. Yeah, I don't think she thought it was her father. Unless Jon routinely dresses up in a Santa suit. Which is, you know, cool.
192. Kristine said:
MrsDoF:
I live in an 'ritzy' little part of town. The neighbors are ALWAYS looking for a reason to bitch.
"Your hedge is too high."
"you forgot to take your trash down!"
"Your car isn't the same color as everyone elses on the court."
I have heard it all. The people who know me, know I love my kids to death and wouldn't beat the living hell out of them, like I tend to say I will ALL the time. The other ones, I walk around in fuzzy green slippers just to piss them off. I hope they move someday. They are like Carol's crazy neighbors!!
I think the icing on the cake was when I named the dog, "Mooshu Mooshu Monkey Dog" and the when it slips out the front door we have all 13 of the neighbor kids yelling that name at the top of their lungs.
I'll do anything to get them to move.
193. MrsDoF said:
No crazy neighbors here.
Well, one fellow mows his lawn on the diagonal, but he's a retired college professor, so we allow him his eccentric habits.
For the most part, we get along, send casseroles for illness and funerals. These days, I don't mind upward mobility.
And we sure have gotten cookies and fruit baskets for the holiday. Making nice has its payoffs.
194. Kristine said:
I love all but those ONE set of neighbors.
Right now I am cropping the pictures from our Christmas party with our one neighbor we love.
I'll have them posted on flickr soon. I have avoided ALL pictures thus far. Thank God for cropping tools!!
195. jelene said:
I love how in the google ads, you have "Fart machine wireless" ON SALE at prankplace dot com.
That santa looks like the one here. How did he transplant himself so quick?
196. George Lover said:
Ok, I don't think Big Gay Sam's comment was duly noted. 'Sam, I think your Mary/Merry comment was hysterical.
197. Cammie said:
Thanks for the sympathy...
What about what Santa might be thinking? "This is the Armstrong girl, her Screaminess of Screamy Screams who is not screaming right now"
LOL
198. Bronya said:
Best wishes for a very happy Chrissy season.
199. Nancy said:
Okay. As a lesbian it shouldn't have taken me three hours to have this aha moment, but if you were gay, you would not be up in the grill of someone named Jason... Maybe if there wasn't a scrumptious bearded husband?!?
Love the photo of the escape attempt :-)
200. Lesley said:
You could add that photo to the Scared of Santa Photo Gallery http://tinyurl.com/7yuuq (hope that tiny url works. I got it from your hub's site!)
201. Girl.A said:
Dooce is a hetero female.
Kottke is an (I honestly don't know) male.
All up in yo grill can be 1. a gesture of sexual interest or 2. a confrontational threat.
So if Dooce was gay, she would like females and perhaps she believes Kottke is a tranny? for the Sexual Interest Factor.
Or, if Dooce was gay, and she liked females and wanted to cat fight Kottke - I guess she might also think he is a tranny for the Cat Fight Factor case to be made.
Just my 2 cents (yes that is 2 pennies).
the ambiguity is a killah
202. Girl.A said:
oh yeah and there's always the possibility that if Dooce was gay *she* would be the tranny and then it could either be a boy on girl fight (if Kottke was also a tranny) or a boy on boy fight if he was a perfectly normal hetero guy.
203. Amanda B. said:
I had to share- I'm watching Larry King Live, Jack Hannah being the guest and bringing out all the critters and whatnot.
So he brings out a Toucan and Larry King squeals, "Fruit Loops!".
You gotta love that senile old bastard.
204. Girl.A said:
lol I likey fruit loops Amanda B.
Am I senile too?
205. Amanda B. said:
No mam. You are awesome.
Link for you!
206. Fish with the Conch Shell said:
anyone still here?
207. Fish with the Conch Shell said:
Great. Now I'm the fucking assmint guy. Merry fuckin' fishmas.
208. Lushlife said:
Your luckier than I - you actually have the photographic proof - that you withstood the pressure of the wait. I got as far as backing my baby on to his lap, then as I tried to gently release and ease away she reached out with both hands and pulled my already deep neckline top out with all of her might and gave Santa a big eyefull. I gave it one minute and gave in to her howling -mainly so as to ease the pressure off the parents waiting in line. V.Merry to you and yours.
209. Amanda B. said:
Feeeesh? Are you there?
210. Fish said:
Holy crap, Amanda, Go to bed.
211. Amanda B. said:
I don't need no stinkin sleep. Sleep is for wusses.
212. Amanda B. said:
Wait. Did I just get punked? Damn you Kutcher.
213. mrs. george #2 said:
How many of us are such no-life-having reprobates that we are going to check dooce first thing christmas morning? I, for one.
214. tickled said:
Mrs.DoF: Mowing on the diagonal ECCENTRIC? Beg yo' pardon. It's gardener-recommended as the best way to do it--first week L. to R., second week R. to L., repeat ad lib. Makes the grass grow better, leaves no ruts from always mowing in the same direction. Use yo' head,
woman!
215. Fish said:
Guh. Its FUCKIN' 3.47. The BOY is awake. Santa's NEVER coming to our house, cause the BOY don't know how to sleep.
Wait, are you telling me Santa doesn't exist. Shit.
Last?
I'm going to bed.
216. echa said:
she's cute ^_*
217. Danielle said:
I still have my doubts, Shiz (about black bows on Christmas presents). I am trying to envision, white wrapping, bright red, even gold (?) and it just still seems morbid to have black bows.
Now, for other occasions... I could see it. Just not Christmas.
But hey, if you find a cool picture, I'll eat my words.
Along with the other yummy edibles around our house... marshmallow fudge, white chocolate pretzels, dirt pudding, puddles, swedish spritz cookies... oh musn't forget the blue cheese ball, dill pickle doobers, cashews...
...and the spiced cider.
'tis the season!
Merry Christmas Eve!
218. faith said:
Merry Christmas everybody. Enjoy!