Such cuteness!!

Happy holidays!!

what a sweet little muffin head!

is there any way i cannot say it? that i APPEAR to be first. i am one of those who mock the i am first crowd yet here i bloody am. omg. i just turned into the people i most fear.

maybe i'm NOT first after all. here's hoping. fingers are crossed.

lovely pic of you and leta.

Your daughter is beautiful! Cheers for not maiming/peeing on Santa!

oh, what a pretty picture of mother and daughter. :)

So where is the fat man in the red suit anyways? I wanna see Leta ripping his glasses off to stuff them in her mouth.

This reminds me of the "Scared of Santa" link I saw yesterday. Click on my Name to see it.

awwww. Nice to see you, dooce. *I* think you look like you're about to smile. Did Leta ask for anything in particular? More Screaming Potion?

do you EVER smile girl? Sheesh, next picture should be you with a big old grin on your face.

aww...wonderful picture of you and Leta. I passed on the trip to see Santa this year...my kid won't realize it and it won't matter in the long run, in my opinion.

Yeah, you do look pissed, but then again, who *wouldn't* be annoyed waiting in line to see Santa with a bunch of stressed out adults and screaming kids??

But yes, please Heather...I hope you intend to show us a picture of Leta eating Santa's beard or farting on his lap. That would be sweet.

You are both very beautiful!

it looks like Leta's radar has locked on to your zipper pull, and it's doom will be to spend eternity (or at least the next 30 seconds) in her mouth.

This is cute - you both look winsome. The maiming must have been backstage.

Honestyrain, I cauterized my sinuses reading your post. In the same situation you were in a couple of weeks ago, I just closed the browser and came back later.

The part that made me laugh was that the "I'm first!" Folks take an awful rap - but one of the reasons they can be first is their brevity and sense of purpose. If we stop to consider what we want to say or how we feel about being first, then the point is moot. In my case, I imagined hearing a million clicking mouses in furious near-unison. And it scared the breakfast out of me.

P.S. I also empathized with them for a second and imagined it being like when the kids in olden days were waiting for the pony express. Knowing about where and about when the latest news from that alternate universe will arrive.

awe, arent you pretty. red's a good color on you!

I'm *first*...to say that I think Leta's wearing pink yet again!!! But she's still lookin' oh-so-much like Jon. And Heather, you're such a pretty person - inside and out. Even when you say "fuck," "fart," and "poop."

Leta's cheeks are soooo edible!!!!! EEE!

geez, can y'all just back offa dooce? i wouldn't last a week if i had a slew of relative strangers analysing the nuances of my facial expressions. love the leta, love the pigtails, don't care whether you're smiling, frowning, constipated, angry or perplexed. i'm glad you're all well, and i wish you a very merry christmas.

NOW her hair looks blond. What is going on?

The expression on Leta's face is priceless. I wonder what's caught her eye off screen?

Stephen, "Scared of Santa" is awesome. I'm surprised there are only 43 photos. Santas must get quite the complex.

Great picture. I like what you did witht the hue. Red all around for everyone and Dooce is paying.

I love the "What the hell was I thinking? Everyone in this line needs to die a slow horrible death. Especially you, fat man. Die. Die..." look on your face.

All that sweetness and beauty, Jon is a very blessed man.

I like that you are actually in the picture. All of our pictures are either my kids or my husband and my kids.

Stephen McKenna (#13). Those are priceless. Made me laugh. Some of those Santas were ho-ho-horrifying.

You two are beautiful.

Glad the poisonsettias didn't get you. ;)

You both look beautiful! I was hoping we'd get to see a Leta and Santa pic! Can't wait to see it!

all you want for christmas is already in your arms there.

well, that and regularity, but i'm not sure if you really want to sit on santa's lap and ask for that.

Note: I know that this sounds really strange in a stalkerish way, but I mean it in the most UNstalkerish way possible.

That picture makes me want to grab both of you in a big hug and squeeze you tight for a minute.

(I'm a mom, and that's not an unusual feeling for me, even with strangers.)

There is absolutely no hemp in that photo. Ah well, the breathtaking beauty of everything else will have to do.

Dooce,

I had the weirdest dream - and as a disclaimer so I'm not maimed in the telling of this, I'm 3 weeks away from delivery of our first baby. The dreams are getting weird.

Anyway - in short - Jessica Simpson was shopping with myself and a few friends, because, well that’s normal, and she had a baby girl whose name was Leta. I became suspicious and asked her how to pronounce it - when she did it correctly I figured out that she was really you. That dooce and Heather were alias' for the real deal. And I went as far as to figure out that’s why you're so good at Photoshop. To change your look in the photos of yourself.

Then I woke up for the 4th time to pee in 5 hours...

Fish:
__Now I’m wondering if you actually ARE in the picture from yesterday__

maybe it's a Magic Eye 3-d picture. Cross your eyes a little bit and poof! Dooce will appear.

Brown hair really works for you. Merry Christmas!

I used to be Santa Claus in the mall (despite the fact that I'm JEWISH) and it was common practice to keep my eyes peeled for MILFs like you, Dooce.

Dooce, I think Leta looks both like you and Jon, I think she has your eyes and chin. Definetly the same eyebrows! you should post more pics of you guys together!

Yay! Glad there was no nuclear meltdown!

D: "Hey there, Scruptious Bearded Santa..."

L: "Hey there, Scruptious Zipper To Put In My Mouth..."

J: [thinking] Cutest Family Evaaar!!!11oneoneone

Dooce is way cuter than Madonna.

Is it just me or do you look like you are staring at someone who you either want to kill or whose head you would not mind seeing explode from the sheer force of that glare?

maybe the kid on santa's lap at that second was scary?

She's sooooooo sweet. And aren't those pointsettias behind you the same one's from yesterday?

Dooce you are so pretty. Seriously. And Leta is precious as always. How did she react to Santa?

Mr. Fever- noooo. Don't be a creepy Santa!

On a note from the other day- is it my imagination, or did George! wake up at noon and heckle all us old farts?

George! I see you have not been introduced to Pooka!

It's probably just me (and maybe O'keefe). But often times when previewing your photograph through that little window on your homepage, I see something totally dirty. And then I feel bad when I realize what it really is.

Staring at the goods...leta, not me...

Mihow: isn't your cat named Pookum? Amanda B: pooka, pookum, pooka, pookum. Hmmmmmm.

Maybe I'm the first to say this, but I think Leta looks like you

Fish: making even less sense than he did yesterday.

*sigh*

Merry Christmas Armstrongs! I hope that Leta enjoys the wrapping paper and that Chuck enjoys all the treats he is going to get from his grandmom- don't you just love spoiled dogs?
Beautiful picture too!

Who said Dooce is too thin? Bastages!

she's starting to look more and more like her mom... :]
i'm proud of you for not murdering santa - i think i might have if i were there.

Internet troll

No one got hurt on the trip to santa? Count your blessings, you are a lucky lady.

There's a look of "you just cut me in line woman" on your face....

Awwww......I miss my kids being babies. Sigh...will have to wait for grandchildren to go visit Santa.

Girl A., Ms. Stray and all other like minded.....Heather is beautiful just the way she is.

PS: I think Leta is looking more and more like you, Heather.

Happy Holidays to all

i saw dooce kissing santa claus...

Trisha: Interesting and informative.

SJ: so THAT's why dooce looks like she's got a rotten taste in her mouth. Huh.

Fish, why are you being mean to Fish?

Thanks for the link Trisha, there is much I do not know.

Ok, first, I think Dooce is really thinking "Is it possible that I ever fell for that fake guy in the ratty suit? How could anyone think that he could pass for the REAL Santa? (And, wait, why does he look a whole lot like the guy who sweeps the parking lot at the dentist's office?)"

Dr. F.-I was Santa at the mall too, despite the fact that I'm a woman.

Dooce - hilarious. Great story. Again, you are not alone. Thus, the fact I usually go grocery shopping at 10 pm. Glad you survived.

Oh, and they make weights for the front legs of strollers so that they don't tip over backwards. I don't have any either.

But, really, the best part was that you have a reindeer that poops jelly beans. I want one!

commiserating on christmas shopping with children. i have two. they came with me for every little thing i bought. when daddy goes, they will not be joining him. this is defined by websters as

unbloodyfair.

*Girl A* I couldn;t get past the whole enema thing. LOL

I try to shop with just the baby. She is actually pretty happy to be in a stroller. Its the other two who feel the need to wander, touch, walk slow, ask for toys, are hungry, have to pee, are tired, don't want to wear their coats, are thirsty and generally annoy me.

And people call me a Scrooge because I am anti-Christmas. Why is it that people give you this pity look like they either feel sorry for me or disgusted that they share the same planet with you and your kid(s). Anyway FUCK Christmas, I'm too broke to buy presents anyway. No need for anyone to comment I'm just venting.
PS. Jon deserves everything you bought him Dooce at least he's around more than one day out the fucking year.

I hope this doesn't double-post. Seem to be having computer troubles.

Dooce, love your shopping entry.
My delicate little girls weighed slightly _more_ than veggie burritos, so the stroller didn't usually tip over until after I took them out, at which point it fell on its back with its legs in the air, like a drunken sorority girl.

I did most of my shopping with all three kids in tow, occasionally ducking into a fitting room to nurse the little one. It makes sense, doesn't it, that shopping with three would be exponentiallly more frustrating than shopping with two, which was already a hair-pulling experience, what with the dawdling and the mom-can-I-have-this-please-please-please and the I'm-bored-can-we-go-home-now.

Here's to mommies everywhere, dragging kids through shopping malls and wondering why the hell we ever let our hubbies _infect us with their sperm_ in the first place.

*And God bless us every one*

I was shopping for Christmas one year when my now 5 year old was a baby. I tried to get into bath and body works with her in the stroller.. when I finally made my way into the store some bitchy 19 year old and her friend looked at me and Said.. "Get a Fucking sitter" - not something you say to a hormonal mother of a 3 month old.. I told her to have a Merry Fucking Christmas, Bitch.

There are times where I really do not mind shopping with all three kids.. but there are days that I just get pushed over the edge.. My oldest is the worst. I guess around 5 is when they start to get exteremly antsy and bored. My 3 year old is the biggest helper, she will do pretty much anything I ask. And the 9 month old well.. she just laughs whenever she sees the steam coming out of my ears..

I do my shopping on thursdays and Fridays because the stores are less busy.. but it is still stressful with three in tow..

Stacy,

Hmmm, well, if I wait until daddy can watch them, then I'm there with 10,000 people, as opposed to the only 1,000 that are there if I go on a weekday.

And then there is the whole mommy-guilt thing. Ya know, daring to not be with them for a couple hours. Dads don't feel guilt, in general. I'm feeling less and less of that as I have more and they get older. But with the first? She never left my arms.

And every once in a while I have the perfect shopping expereince with my kids and it makes me want to do it again...

Julie.. I started crying afterwards.. I was so angry and shocked that someone would say that!!!
And you are right.. Karma, man, Karma.

The glory of Christmas is enduring the biting commentary of fellow shoppers as they critique your parenting skills and the volume of your child's wailing. I learned long ago that there's nothing to be gained by keeping quiet and swallowing one's tongue. I tell the offending commenters to shut the fuck up AND have a merry Christmas. Works every time.

Man, bad karma or not, I TOTALLY snipe at parents who have a wailing 2-year-old in an R-rated movie at 10:00 at night...and don't take them outside! That's so unbelievably rude. Being in a store is COMPLETELY different. Ruining a movie for someone who paid $12 to be there...that's just not giving a damn about anyone around you. (And no, I'm not referring to G-rated movies or Saturday morning matinees.)
Can you tell I'm a bit sensitive to this subject? Sorry if I offended any parents.

They only time I ever really wanted to tell someone to get a sitter was in Las Vegas at about 1:00 am in a smoke-filled casino replete with drunk gamblers. Four kids under the age of 5, asleep in two double strollers.

I didn't say anything because after all that effort, it must have been really important to the parents to get in their last free Tom Collins and a good game of Black Jack.

Heather,

I think you look great in that pic looking all natural in a natural pose with a natural look on your face instead of some cheesed up toothy grin. I too am sometimes accused of "looking pissed off or ready to kill". Dude, this is how I look. Telling me I look pissed off is akin to telling someone they look tired.

She does look like you! She has your mouth and nose.

I took my son to the mall with me to do some Christmas shopping. He was 1 month old. I was running from store to store with him in his stroller. I realized after a while that he was being unusually quiet. I looked down and he wasn't there. I freaked. One of our neighbors saw me and walked over and said, "It's a good thing your mom ran into you and took the baby so you could finish shopping. You look like hell". I felt like such a tool! I guess that's what a TOTAL lack of sleep will do to you.

I think you look very like Kate Winslet in this photo. Gorgeous. And Leta is the cutest muffin ever, and I hope my own children are half that lovely when I have them.

Nomie,

I read you post wrong. I saw this:I think you look very like Kate Winslet in this photo. Gorgeous. And Leta has the cutest muffin ever, and I hope my own children are half that lovely when I have them.

In our house, "muffin" means, well, naughty bits, kitty, cookie, vagina, pussy, box, oven, etc. I just choked on my rice krispey treats...again!

I vote for a picture of the aforementioned jelly-bean pooping reindeer! (wait, maybe this isn't a democracy?)

I think dooce should open a new comments section just for those of us who want to opine on her appearance. We could vote in various categories: gain weight/don't gain weight; go blonde/stay brunette; go for bangs/stay as you are; red is good/bad on you; love/hate the shoes . . . etc.

Anyway -- about the trauma of holiday shopping? Amazon.com. If somebody wants something amazon doesn't have, they can wait until their birthday.

I think Leta's going to look more and more like mommy as she gets older.

Online shopping is the BEST. I went to Kohl's here in Illinois on December 1. It was PACKED, and their credit card system wasn't working properly so everything was taking FOREVER. I ended up putting everything back and leaving the store with ONE "must have right now" item. I went home and did the bulk of my shopping online.

Online shopping rules.

I did all my shopping last night; next year it's all online, and all ordered by mid-November.

Have you guys seen the baby t-shirts on this site? I thought Dooce could've written some of these--or maybe she alread did??
After loading the site, scroll down to see funny/offensive baby tees!
http://www.tshirthell.com/babyhell.shtml#babyhell

I looove those pooping reindeer. I have also received pooping sheep, pigs and cows.

Is this comments section starting to strike anyone else as stalkerish and pervy? I can't really throw stones -- I've commented on her appearance, too -- but, having just read Scott's post, I'm taking a vow never to do so again.

Fuck weight. If she's happy that's all that matters.

I'm big and beautiful and I LIKE myself. Nothing else matters.

Love ya Dooce. :op

Classic look of disgust.

Christmas sucks! Does it have to come EVERY year?

Amanda B, LOL
And you're going to HATE me for this - but I could not help but think of the dentata after Scott mentioned a complete set of teeth earlier!

I wonder if thats what her face looks like when she reads all of our stupid ass comments.

btw Scott I wasn't agreeing with the stalker/pervy comment. Just thought it was weird that V felt ok posting that females should be able to scrutinize Dooce in every way.

But then later posting that males making a positive comment about Dooce's appearance meant they were pervy. Doesn't make sense.

Yes, may the B&BW clam be cursed with screaming quadruplet mouth-breathers.

Hey Scott, for what it's worth, I didn't read victoria's comment like that at all. I thought she was more or less agreeing with you about the people commenting on Dooce's weight. (Just my two cents)

Oh, and this cracked me up:

"...women raised thinking people with all their teeth are 'uppity'."

I choked on my peanut brittle when I read that.

Women with all their teeth are still afraid of all the things that can make one part ways with one's teeth. Of coursethey are uppity.

Uppity is the adrenaline that comes with fear of sticks (as Amanda pointed out), and adult twirling on the playground monkeybars, mud wrestling in parking lots.

I's gots me three of dem der fake teef.

Whoops. Forgot to take the "trolling for" off. Mea Culpa!

Teeth also get in the way for the seed spittin' contest at the state fair. I am tempted to knock mine out so I can have a taste of the sweet nectar of a State Spittin' Championship.

I think she's gorgeous too. Does that make me perv? (more than I already am?) :p

(Dude, that was *so* intended as lighthearted ribbing of the due that light-heartedly stirs up controversy. No need for hush to fall.)

Shiz - I agree.

You know how they say Beauty Is In The Eye of The Beholder? That is true for everything, good bad and in between. It's all relative and we're all subjective.

The things we say are usually more about us than about others.

Emily, you got it completely wrong.

When I proposed "setting up a comments section to opine on her hair, weight, shoes, etc.," I was MOCKING the fact that we (including me in past comments) seem to feel free to comment on Heather's appearance.

In both of today's posts, I was criticizing this tendency. If you noticed, I was not limiting my criticism to Scott, but including myself, and vowing to practice better manners in future.

So, no, there was no flip flop, Emily.

Leta looks very cute in this picture!! It looks like the person on the right is wearing a bear costume...

I think I love Big Gay Sam

How did I become the poster child for the "Perv Debate" when all I did was post a positive comment to give a counter-arguement to all the people telling Dooce she is too skinny or unhealthy looking? My intention was this: "Be happy with who you are. Don't listen to naysayers. If you feel like you need to post a negative comment about someone's appearance, go stick your head in a microwave."

I am going to go curl my skinny self up in the fetal position and cry myself to sleep now.

Heather:
Now, to clear things up....(i hope you read the last debate on 'grills')
Do you mean you will but up in his face...or down in his jock?
Because depending on who you talk to...it could be good or bad.

Hey, how did HE get a mention on your web page?? lol!!

Girl A has a blog. I am so happy...i wet myself. sort of.

so angry lately, pretty scary here.... ugh been reading for months, but gotta take a step back getting a bit jaded on everyday life just thinking about what's going to come up next.

Kano rhymes with Draino such as Sherly rhymes with Swirly...which if someone were to give to you. You just may need some Draino. But she still has a pissed off I hate Christmas or Santa look on her.

I'm in England and I have to say, I haven't seen one father christmas/santa claus this year at all, and frankly i'm worried - either he's had some sort of mishap or it's political correctness gone mad - either way we're screwed!

This IS indeed a cult. Yes.

"screaming quadruplet mouth-breathers"...THAT cracked me up!!

I didn't drink any kool ...

oh, I get it.

kristine: as one of 5 girls growing up (there are 6 of us now) we got the cereal toys in turn. You can go by age, drawing straws, whatever...that can go the same with picking out cereal. And only buy one box at a time...I'm assuming your kids are of the age to understand taking turns. I hope that helps.

Fish: As a group of girls...beating on each other didn't occur until highschool...and by that time, we didn't give a shit about the lame ass toy.

Gia, the dinosaur that grew to enormous proportions by adding water is, and never was, lame ass.

What time is it on Guam, anyway?

I know. I only have two kids. So it's pretty easy to figure out which one gets the toy.

I always get two toys.

OK, Sherly... at about 3 am today when I was half awake and not quite asleep, I was singing the goddam name song!! How ya dooooin? Headed up to Little Rhody tomorrow at 5 AM!! Gotta go to bed soon, but .... not yet.

: )

Fish, at this posting it is 12:34 pm, Turdsday, December 23, 2004.

That's right. I get Christmas and New Years before YOU!

MILF = Mothers I'd Like to Fuck

Sorry. You asked.

OK, Dooceland. Unless you got something great in the next five minutes, I'm off to bed. Gotta fly north to be with the in-laws.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Half my kids' suitcases is mittens, hats, boots, etc.

I'll email you, sheryl, with my nubah!

Just figured you had a New England cold (nubah)

We'll me a coupla milfs together - cept I don't have the M part.

Jus plain Wimmin ILF?

Sherly - there are no just PLAIN women. We do have vaginas after all!

Scott - really, don't worry about it. I've posted (or emailed) much worse. You're fine.

*wink wink* to Dooce and Sherly!

This is kinda tmi re milfs, esp the post by "Jesus":
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=milf&r=f

You are invoking the Dooce?

Are you sporty?

weird. I heard someone calling, but it might just be the medication.

You need a blackberry dude.