Poisonsettia
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
301. LT said:
Alright. Before anyone else gets the totally wrong idea here, I'd like to just say something:
I am a regular Dooce reader. (I know, who cares, right? But it's important to note.) I enjoy her pictures and I enjoy her photographs. I like reading about her life, else I wouldn't keep coming back here.
I am sure Sporty and I were annoying with our little sayings back and forth to one another. I ask that you take that with a grain of salt. The reason being that, simply, we found some of the events that unfold on this website every day to be pretty amusing ourselves.
The first is the massive amounts of people who keep Dooce's site at their fingertips, refreshing as often as possible, just so they can say "First!" and be the first commenter. What's even more amusing is that the first 30 people all post "First!" and then there's always a "First!" around post number 75 or so. Again, take it all with a grain of salt. I know I do. It just makes me smile to see everyone rushing to say something.
As I started perusing comments more frequently recently (and coming across the aforementioned trend), I realized that what I was reading were about 300 comments average a day of people just talking back and forth to one another, like a message board. With that, Sporty and I decided to message with one another today. Again, take it with a grain of salt.
Not that it's all too necessary for you to believe me, but I can tell you that Sporty and I are both very nice people and don't mean malice or anything to any of Dooce's readers. In fact, I know that Sporty emailed Dooce today to tell her she was sorry and explained why we did it. Beyond being nice people, we just have twisted senses of humor. For some reason, I thought y'all would take to it more, but I guess I misjudged.
Anyway, there was no harm intended. You don't have to cringe when you see our names. We like Dooce, and you like Dooce, so let's just move on.
302. Girl.A said:
Baby, we're all just Gorillas in the Mist.
I have of late- but wherefore I know not- lost all my mirth,
forgone all custom of exercises; and indeed, it goes so heavily with
my disposition that this goodly frame, the earth, seems to me
a sterile promontory; this most excellent canopy, the air, look you, this brave o'erhanging firmament, this majestical roof fretted with golden fire- why, it appeareth no other thing to me than a foul and pestilent congregation of vapours.
*Shitmist.*
303. Molly said:
phew.. I'm glad that is cleared up....... ;)
304. sporty said:
I'm still going to send you lovenotes LT. :oP
305. Oy said:
Can't we all just get along?
306. LT said:
Oy to the world ;)
Sporty: You can send me lovenotes anywhere, anytime, anyplace.
All: One thing I forgot to add is that I'm truly surprised more of you do not have websites of your very own. Why is that?
307. Girl.A said:
To link or not to link to one's personal website. That is the question.
308. closet metrosexual said:
"foul and pestilent congregation of vapours."
ROTFLMAO
Girl.A - Marry me. You're too damn funny not to be Mrs. Closet Metro.
309. George Lover said:
Sort of gives "Play Misty for Me" a whole new meaning. (Wish I could remember some actual lines from between Clint Eastwood and Suzanne Pleshette...)
310. Girl.A said:
CM, you dear, dear sir. I'll consider your offer. Alas I am not so clever as you imagine; I was quoting Hamlet. (And the last line of one of my all-time ffave movies, Withnail & I)
Here's a classic from the Gap Band:
You dropped a bomb on me, baby
You dropped a bomb on me
Just like Adam and Eve, said you’d set me free
You took me to the sky, I’d never been so high
You were my pills, you were my thrills
You were my hope, baby, you were my smoke
311. Beth said:
My God! I'm late today, and this is nuts! Anyway! Fab piccie, it made me water the poisonsettia on my table. The plant thanks you.
One thing, though. Shitmist?
312. Sheryl said:
George Lover:
I did it because I LOVE YOU.
313. closet metrosexual said:
Clever enough to quote Shakespear is clever enough for me. Cool enough to quote the Gap Band is over the top.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo(bomb)xoxoxoxoxoxox
314. It's getting old said:
L.T., I do have a website, but I'm too chickenshit to post the URL when I leave a derogatory comment. But I did leave a legitimite email address and no one has sent me an email yet. Ah well. No hard feelings on the whole thing you and Sporty were doing. I'm actually one who laughs and laughs at all of the "I'm first" comments and people who carry on lengthy conversations via Dooce's site. There's nothing wrong with it, and it's sometimes pretty funny. Had I known you two were just poking fun at the Dooce minions, I would have kept my big ol' mouth shut. ~:/
315. A good comedian said:
10. knows how to command a crowd
9. understands their audience
8. responds to the audience
7. knows that timing is everything
6. can tell a bad joke and make it funny
5. can get laughter from poking fun at all sides
4. doesn't need to wait for the review to find out if they were funny
3. doesn't keep telling the same joke after it bombs
2. can win people over
1. isn't jealous of the club owner's prestige
316. Amanda B. said:
Sheryl- you, my friend are a genius.
Metro-no dolla for you!
Molly- you get mad props bebe. If it weren't for your post the other day we'd not have had the 2004 hoohoo debate. God bless you and your baby and your brave brave hoohoo. (geez, I hope this is the same Molly)
317. Sheryl said:
Metro,
Indeed. Cleanliness is next to godliness.
Amandabird, you honor me. I get all misty-eyed.
318. Molly said:
yes, it is. Thanks Amanda.
I would like to thank my Husband, my OB, and the three nurses it took to get her out!
~I was never any good at acceptance speaches.. :)
319. monarch said:
Its the water
320. Shiz said:
You guys are having too much fun. And I'm late. And I wanna say something cool, but I'm tired. Maybe I'll just mumble shitmist to myself and be happy.
321. Amanda said:
Greetings from London!
Just wanted you to know I am clearly addicted to this site! I visit constantly browsing for anything to lighten my moods throughout the day! Trust me, I need all I can get as a school teacher!
Love the photography! Enjoy your holiday with your family this season. Leta is A D O R A B L E
322. Claude said:
Firs--
Son of a bitch.
323. Claude said:
Merry Shitmist to all, and to all a good wipe.
Heh.
324. Shiz said:
Okay, embarrassing story. I became so comfy in the bathroom peeing and talking to friends on the phone that in August, when a blog-friend came over for the first time, I got SOOOO caught up in our chat that I just sat down to pee with the door open. And I DIDN'T GET IT until my husband pointed it out.
Then I felt monumentally stupid.
325. Girl.A said:
Misty Sherpas
and
A Nappy Ewe Rear
(To quote someone from here)
326. Amanda B. said:
Dooce- that's groooooss. But I can't stop snickering.
Shiz- i emailed you about a rather stupid thing I did while perusing your site. Time for my meds now.
327. Paula said:
That photo is christmas card perfect.
I just found myself singing along with a Barry Manilow X-mas tune.
Shoot me now!
328. GirlA. said:
Beans, beans, the magical fruit! The more you eat, the more you…get misty.
Eproctophiliac
"This person is horny whenever farting is involved. An ideal date might begin at Taco Bell, or perhaps with cabbage, beans, and a Farrelly Brothers movie."
329. trisha said:
Who are all of you people?
330. DeAnn said:
Pretty pictures will not make me like the poinsettias. I'm sorry, it's just not happening.
You and your camera of evil can taunt me all you want. No poinsettia love from over here. None.
(OK, maybe a little. That picture IS awesome.)
331. Trance said:
The "did I just fart" thing just made me spew Diet Sprite Zero into the keyboard. Thankyaverymuch, Dooce.
332. GirlA. said:
Dear trisha, how can you say that with the porcelain goddess hovering above in all its sparkling white glory?
333. trisha said:
I dunno. I dunno what got into me.
You all seem like you are having fun.
And many of you are really funny.
And I am a lonely, lonely woman.
334. Fran said:
Everybody knows that there is no hiccup gene. Butt, ah, the fart gene does exist and you've passed (hee) it on to Leta.
335. lulu cornichon said:
Just another facet of the mystical bond between mother and daughter.
And how's this for mystical... I farted *while typing* "mystical bond". It's clearly a Message From Beyond.
336. Girl.A said:
Donchu sweat it trisha,
I look in the mirror every morning and ask myself that very same question:
"Who are all of you people?"
337. jennay said:
Baby farts are funny. I heard 4 or 5 last weekend and every one was followed by a baby poop. He's still in the breast milk / mustard-colored poop -goo stage, so it's precious.
338. tiff said:
I don't really understand why like, ten people all comment within one minute just to be the first.
Anyway, beautiful picture!
339. Avian said:
Dear sweet lord. Claude? #322? You win.
That was a merry read. LT, way to come clean.
And to all a good night.
340. STephanie said:
Pretty, pretty sooo pretty.
Merry Freakin Christmas!
341. trisha said:
Ha! Girl A., good one.
I had no idea y'all were here having such a Big Time.
342. wheezer said:
all i can say is WOW, nice color!
343. LT said:
I was just being honest and speaking from my heart. I have been told by some of you that it didn't exactly come off that way, but I assure you, I meant it from my heart. I think I may have eaten way too many nachos, realistically.
Beer?
344. George Lover said:
Belatedly, thanks Sheryl for the movie line.
And thanks to the rest of you, I can't get "We wish you a Merry Shitmist, We wish you a Merry Shitmist..." out of my brain.
And to tie into your latest, Dooce, perhaps it is shitmist that you are actually smelling in Leta's poop.
345. Sheryl said:
G.Lover, Here's another one, but it was too weird for the sobriety of afternoon.
“Men have destroyed the roads of wonder and their cities squat like black toads; in the orchards of life, nothing is clean or real as a girl, naked to love or be with a man.â€â€”Clint Eastwood, Play Misty for Me, 1971
346. Virginia said:
Hi Heather,
Gorgeous photography, you have a great eye for things!
These plants are very toxic to both cats and dogs, among chocolate and other yummies!
Hope Chuck just gets it as eye candy :-)
Loved the photos that you took of Beth and family! Her kids seem like a hoot...
347. George Lover said:
Wow. What a great end of the day post to read.
348. Michelle said:
Ok maybe this has been said and maybe I am a bad person for not reading each one of the 350+ comments before saying this but perhaps you have it backwards. You say, "my farts smell like Leta’s shits?" Maybe Leta's shits smell like your farts? This would make sense if you are still breastfeeding - which I am not sure you are anymore. Anyway just another point of view to look at things from.
P.S. Tell Jon that talking on the phone whilst peeing is not a gender thing my husband calls me all the time mid stream!
349. the niffer said:
I can't believe I missed the shitmist conversation. But Claude and Girl A more than made up for it.
As always Dooce and folks, thanks for making me laugh.
350. me? I'm a nobody said:
okay
first!
That confirms it. WE ALL need to get a life and stop sucking up this poor woman's bandwidth.
outta here..................
351. JulieT said:
Heather, your last post tops the cake. AND, perhaps I'm way too addicted to your site but the "commode conversation" should also be filed under "Leta."
352. Karlene said:
I think you are the funniest woman alive! I have two boys. When I read your thoughts on your baby, it reminds me of all of the stuff I went through when they were babies. My boys, now seven, and four, also did not crawl until they were 10 or 11 months old.
353. Mariposa said:
scary flowers. that's what I was brought up to think, so therefore, I think it.
And I also, think that my babie's shit smells like my farts. I always think that, and always thought i was the ONLY one to think that. Now that you have clarified, I am not the only one in the world to think that... I feel much better.
354. tiffi said:
hey, niffer, that was my best friend's nickname for me in high school. funny, that's the only other time I've seen it.
355. the niffer said:
Tiffi - shitmist is brand new to me and I'm going to be sure to use the word five times today in coversation.