A Dooce Family Holiday Ornament Fisheye Panorama! Too cool.
Thanks for today's post, it reminded me to check the calendar. Five days until it's Time to Lay Low.
12.15.04 - 05:59 AM
19. RazDreams said:
Dooce, please tell us who that is standing behind you (at a counter?). Oooo, and I see someone else trying to hid too!!! How many people can you spot in the Christmas ornament?
12.15.04 - 06:00 AM
20. Julie said:
Could that possibly be John *maybe* changing a diaper at a pack-n-play in the background of the ornament? Either that or he is doing something at a really cool green sink!
I f'in LOVE your camera. The fact that we can see Jon doing something in the background in the reflection on an ORNAMENT for chrissake is AWESOME! Oh, and the chick taking all these fabulous pictures ain't too shabby either. ;-)
You've got some swank christmas style, Dooce. Love it.
12.15.04 - 06:17 AM
30. Cheryl said:
i think I might be a bit picture of the day retarted. I try every day to come up with some quick witted response to the picture (#7) ... but I get nervous due to the competition to be first. So here comes my quick witted comment:
You should totally submit that one to the Mirror Project. I know you do a lot of reflection pics, but this is one of my favorites, and they are asking for pics reflected in "shiny balls." http://www.mirrorproject.com/
HA! I took this same exact picture of myself this year and put it on my blog a couple weeks back, only my camera isn't NEARLY as awesome. I must now go shopping. . .
In the ornament, the carpet looks Grinch Green. I love you to death Heather, but please tell me that this is an illusion and that you are not raising a child on Grinch Green Carpet! :)
Article in this morning's NY Times - a blogger scored a book deal based on her blog, it will be "a wry, downbeat memoir of postpartum depression". But it ain't Dooce.
Oh, geez. Of COURSE this is not your house. I mean, good grief, you titled the damn thing, "Christmas at the Blue Plate." I guess I thought you were just being witty about the blue tree. I feel like an idiot now, but at least I'm not alone.
You guys are good, I couldn't see anything. Though, now that i made it larger I see astroturf and is she leaning on either a) a jukebox or b) a giant 49ers football helmet?
I think Heather left a comment on my website!!! Yeah! I don't know if it was her or not(It was posted anonymously, but the comment included the word f-u-c-k. I totally freaked a beak!
The thumbnail made me think of "Lost Highway," which is the first movie that taught me to see film noir drunk (or whatever) first, and then go see it sober. It somehow makes more (less) sense that way.
Now I'm all in the mood to deconstruct everything I read or see. Is there really an author? Is that Dooce in the ornament, or just my reconstruction of shapes into my own construction of what I believe is Dooce? Is Dooce the sum of her parts, and has the text of the website reconstructed her as someone else? Is Dooce the reconstructed text, and Heather B. Armstrong the reality?
It's been six years since my last grad school class, and I STILL GOT IT! Screw you, Derrida.
Ok. At first glance at the mini-main page image I thought that was a pregnancy stick test. Initial response was oh GOD, poor woman! (from a single woman how-the-fuck-does-she-do-it perspective...) and Second thought was "Yes, apparently I must think you WILL put ANYTHING on the web ;)" nice pic!
that's it...i'm getting the Nikon! It's impossible to get cool pictures like that with my camera!
12.15.04 - 09:15 AM
89. Slim said:
Lovely...I admire your random style and the way you keep your readers guessing. I don't celebrate Christmas but I would still like to wish you and yours a HAPPY HOLIDAY.
There is some brief, odd satisfaction in that moment when you realize that the irrational need to scream/cry/throwstuff is because you're about to shed your uterus lining.
Kind of a "phew, there is a reason I'm about to be an uberbitch. Now get the fuck out of my way."
Per Ali's message, clink on the header of this comment for the link to Jon's version of Ornament Photography from 2001. It's cool how the distortion makes Jon look a little like Humphrey Bogart.
12.15.04 - 09:38 AM
98. Adaire said:
The Blue Plate, as in the Blue Plate Diner? Why are you making me miss Salt Lake City so? I never thought I would be jealous of anyone living in Salt Lake City (we moved to Vegas last January). Your posts are making me miss home.
I'm with Fish, that thumbnail does look like the Lost Highway movie ad and the visual theme that runs through it.
And I know what you mean about Film Noir (esp Lynch), I mean I laughed my ass off all through Blue Velvet too, all 12 times I saw it, and I didn't even have a drink first. Sad, beautiful, depressing, hilarious, disgusting, ridiculous all at the same time.
When I got my early Christmas present this year (a camera) this was one of the first pictures I took. Similarly, my husband and I sharing a kiss, relfected in one of our tree bulbs.
it's like that part in one of the ramona quimby books where she's a sheep in the christmas pageant and she looks at herself in the little ornament ball and thinks she looks all ugly and warped...
except she's totally cute...
i was just reading some other sites that i found from here and thought about the basically 'invisible' community that has formed here. now i am not saying it doesn't qualify as a community, as i read everyday or i just might die, but bear with me...
what if a person/place/thing like dooce.com disappeared? *poof* gone. you click on your bookmark to see if there is a new picture of the congressman and the site just isn't there. *pauses for effect*
just isn't there anymore.
not that i think it would, but it could happen so easily. those 10 minutes of our everyday routine RIPPED OUT FROM UNDER US.
Actually, I believe that Heather did post a picture of a positive pregnancy stick test. When they remodeled the guest bedroom for something like $300, but then she said it would only stay that way for 6 months, or something like that? Wait! Found it: http://www.dooce.com/archives/daily/06_10_2003.html
Anyway, blah blah not related to the picture blah.
Our Christmas tree isn't up yet. And I've only done my Christmas shopping for 2.5 people. I'm going to hyperventilate now.
When I first looked at the reflection, I thought it was someone hugging someone else wearing a black shirt. Then I realized that was the camera.
Have you hugged _your_ camera today?
Matt: Ten minutes? You only spend _ten minutes_ a day here? *Amateur*
Chloe (is here): I was just wondering what you bought the half-person for Christmas? I have a couple of half-people on my list, and I'm just at a loss.
ladybug: i was going to do a quick repost and say that i was clearly lying about the 10 minutes thing.
glad someone called me out on it .. it is more like an hour. damn you dooce. damn you.
12.15.04 - 11:23 AM
123. George Lover said:
Matt: You're a downer. I try not to think of such things.
Dooce: All your pictures rock. Just like you. Your story about Chuck and Emily is a little like the scene in "As Good As It Gets" when Verdel has a total crush on Jack Nicholson.
'Bug: I've got to do christmas shopping for .1 persons.
Matt: Very Derridean of you. What if Dooce.com doesn't really exist now? Are we just a confluence of intelligences existing in space? Or, is Dooce actually writing these comments herself, and are we just constructs of her authorial persona?
(Hillary, I don't know what I just said. Maybe you could explain it?)
Girl.A: How funny is it that Christina Aguliera (I really couldn't care less if I misspelled that) showed up in your Google search for "slug highway."
On another note: Is anyone besides me starting to notice that I'm tired and don't feel like working today? The comment police will be banging down my door any se....
Hang on. I have to get the door..
12.15.04 - 11:31 AM
128. Girl.A said:
Fish I can't believe you and Matt just figured this out.
You two must be two of Heather's more repressed personalities.
Dude, Leon and Kano can be prissy here but backstage - - - well, let's just say you'll have to see them do body shots and land loogies on the ceiling to believe it! Come and hang with us. Meet me at the toilet and we'll integrate psyches with dooce.
Yes Matt, it would be amazing but sad because then what would we do at work?
Maybe the government has a system set up where you ping the off switch. Like posting the word 'poop' over 650 times. Dooce may be on her way! Or posting the words 'i still cannot believe Bush got reelected and i still hate him' 100 times.
one of the only bonuses to nursing is the lack of periods. well, not the only bonus, but in the winter is really sucks to have to haul your boobs out from under big sweaters and whatnot.
Sheryl,
Glad you posted, because I am an idiot and tried to post the three spheres link and I am like totally stupid today and couldn't do it. I have 8 days left of being able to blame pregnancy on my stupidity. Then, it's back to blaming my period for being a bitch.
Pippil dun't unnirstend. Thi gerl I lov is nem Pressilla. Shi is so nas and priddee and shi wil pit me su mush. I hup 1 diy we can be 2gitter. Hir R sem littirs shi rote 2 me. http://www.savemouse.com/prsla.htm
Gud luk 2 yew with your gerl. I hop 1 dey yew can gu lif wit hir lik 1 gud dagg.
Yor frin,
Mos.
12.15.04 - 01:52 PM
157. Colleen from NJ said:
LadyBug,
Thanks... this is my third. My third boy! I am a little afraid.
LadyBug, you have three kids, right? Should I be very afraid?
Oh dear - too much for me to read! I shall make my first mark on this here site though dammit! Great picture and we're in synch. Is that something for me to be proud of?
12.15.04 - 02:06 PM
160. Kahli said:
So, I have a friend who sends those bulk emails with really bad jokes to me ALL THE TIME as well as Support Our Troops with a photo montage ( WE NEED A MONTAGE!!) with Enrique Igesias playing.... anyway, in the interest if remaining semi- relevant, there was this gem tucked into a list of really trashy and stupid (which this one actually kinda is... but it is still funny sort of)one liners about husbands and kids and super models, well.. I digress:
They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
Which we all know isn't true but, well, I finished finals yesterday but I got my period today. First one! heee
12.15.04 - 02:14 PM
161. Caroline said:
WHY is there no Gay Mart in my town? I would *TOTALLY* shop there. Like, all the time.
Serious.
And maybe then I could come up with a present idea for my lice infested lesbian neighbors. I was considering a really funny blow up rainbow triangle thing I found at a weird antique store, but I don't know if they have a sense of humor or not.
They DO however, have one of those high heel shoe chairs in their living room. Leopard print.
Marti - I really haven't seen anyone compare Christmas to anal sex before. Very interesting...
I'm waiting for my mom to dig the silver tree out of the garage and mail it to me because I loved it the most of any of the kids. Ours had the pink bulbs, but I do dig the blue.
Premenstrual burritos and beans. Its what's for dinner.
While slightly repulsed by the description, I think I'm going to go to Chipotle for a burrito the size of my forearm.
12.15.04 - 03:04 PM
168. MrsDoF said:
Colleen from NJ (comment 157)
Raising three sons is a walk on the wild side. There was a year when we had one in high school, one in junior high, and one still in elementary. The car pool and after school activities had me clawing the walls.
But there are no worries about wearing pink.
12.15.04 - 03:06 PM
169. Caroline said:
I'm confused Kahli -- Did you just say you got your first period today?
Hmm...
12.15.04 - 03:10 PM
170. Marti said:
Leslie,
not my comparison, but I do have a scathing anal sex story; no, I will not share it.
12.15.04 - 03:11 PM
171. Caroline said:
Does anyone else notice that the first twenty comments or so are all polite and short, and then the rest of us get on and start spewing our off topic paragraphs? Aren't any talkative people up early?
12.15.04 - 03:13 PM
172. Danika said:
The early ones are all too busy trying to be first... or as close to first as they can be to come up with the tangents others do.
12.15.04 - 03:16 PM
173. Caroline said:
And how come I never get to be part of the little funny conversations?
HUH?
I recently ate seven chocolate chip cookies. Sugar high, anyone?
I never run into people with my name. This is so weird.
12.15.04 - 03:28 PM
179. Danika said:
Hi Dänika
Hi Caroline
If it makes you feel better dooce the internet doesn't think you are an idiot. (or at least I don't)
12.15.04 - 03:29 PM
180. Zach said:
I really missed the point why Dooce is an idiot. Her kids are hellians like all sub 7 yr. old boys should be, err.. maybe sub 11, err... maybe... damn, I'm 24 and still a hellian.. Point is: it's not dooce's fault kids don't like to sit still.
I just want to say that I HAD a friend who used to insist that HER CHILDREN WOULD NOT ACT *THAT* WAY, and her sister and I laughed at her. She has a baby now. We're not in touch anymore, but I hope her kid is a Leta Scream Stom times a million. And that she has another six kids real soon.
I was seriously about to throw my computer out the window and burst into tears (curse you, crappy software; curse you, luddite brain), when I decided on one last click on the over-used Dooce bookmark.
Awesome post, Heather. Nothing like reading about someone else's frustrations to make you feel a bit more human.
My computer is safe for one more day.
12.15.04 - 04:00 PM
185. halfsies said:
Closet Metrosexual-
We call those puppy dog burritos
12.15.04 - 04:02 PM
186. cee said:
When I glanced at the thumbnail, I thought it was one of those.... EPT sticks...!!! Wow,was I wrong! ;)
Your camera is indeed amazing, such clarity without a flash! I'm jealous.
12.15.04 - 04:03 PM
187. Carol said:
Very funny story. But I don't think you're the idiot. I think you and Beth know who the idiot was. : )
BTW, the google ads are "Stop Loosing Your Memory." Yes, they actually spelled it "loose."
That wonderful, side-splitting story about Chuck had me laughing _almost_ as hard as the scene in My Big Fat Greek Wedding when the aunt talks about the tumor they removed from her neck containing a spinal cord and teeth. ("It twas my tvin.") My friends actually had to stop the movie and get out the brown paper bag as my laughter turned into real hysterics.
12.15.04 - 04:30 PM
190. Colleen from NJ said:
MrsDoF,
Well, so far there's no worries about the boys wearing pink...
not that there's anything wrong with that. I mean, I visited the Gaymart.
12.15.04 - 04:57 PM
191. MrsDoF said:
Colleen from NJ, Were your boys with you for the visit?
After all the discussion caused in my Children's Literature class at the community college when we looked at the book KING AND KING (two princes have a wedding and a heart ending), I am glad there's not a Gaymart nearby.
From the last story by Dooce, I would say we have a stereotype of sweet little girl and two active boys.
My grandma used to say "Better you than me" when it came to raising any more children (she raised 8 of her own to adulthood--and she was neither Catholic nor Mormon with such a big family.)
Dooce, I love your stories. You are a hoot. Arachnaphobia- you feel something on your face in the middle of the night and proceed to whoopin your own ass. Very "Fight Club".
(is fun when significant other experiences this for the first time and considers moving to Guam)
And now for something completely different: Godzilla got a star on the walk of fame. Awesome.
Speaking of Godzilla, I'm watching Lost. I'm easily spooked on a good day, *and* on a giant extra dose of caffeine (tasty coffee!).
If you never hear from me again, I died of a heart attack in front of the tv. How embarrassing.
12.15.04 - 05:57 PM
194. mari said:
Dooce, I actually quite like the first picture on your friend Beth's site (crazy us) and I think it would make a *great* family Christmas photo. It captures perfectly what it's like to be the parents of two active little boys. So much better than those posed Christmas photos from Sears in front of the fake fireplace where everybody just looks so *perfect*.
12.15.04 - 05:58 PM
195. Mari said:
Sorry for the half-bold message. No idea what I did. Guess I'm an idiot.
Colleen from NJ: Just saw your comment from earlier. I've been away from the computer since I left work, and couldn't get back on 'til I got all the kids to bed.
No, hon, (Did I just call you 'hon'? God, I'm getting old.) don't be very afraid. The great thing about having my third (six months old today! unbelievable!) is that my girls (6 and 7 1/2 years) help out SO MUCH...fetching baby stuff, entertaining their brother while I get stuff done...He absolutely adores them, and they, him.
Ummm...unless your two older boys aren't old enough to help yet...in that case, Beeeee afraaaaaid. Be veeeeery afraaaaaid.
Oh, and you know I'm still on the lam from the Comment Police, so if you want to chat more, feel free to email me: LadyBug4791@hotmail.com.
12.15.04 - 06:20 PM
201. Carol said:
OK, 'Bug and Colleen - three (#!!?) kids. Tell me about it, because my hubby wants another. ANOTHER!! that would make three. all my friends say it sends them over the edge, but i am intrigued....three sounds good... in theory....
1. Dave M said:
aw, what the heck... first? second?
2. heathertoo said:
Yipee!
3. beachgal said:
very nice....
4. Brian said:
Getting close.
5. Cindy said:
I like the world we see in the reflection.
Happy Holidays!
6. ellyn said:
I LOVE THIS PICTURE! I think it is titled perfect. Good work dooce!
7. Cheryl said:
Is that a reflection of an angel... you truly are dooce!
8. itsme said:
top 10?
9. Rebekah said:
ooooh I want to see the rest of the tree- cool photo....
10. kate said:
dear god...is that an aluminum christmas tree? it's FABULOUS!!!
11. Vanessa said:
I just LOVE Christmas time. Cool picture!
12. wn said:
Let's see the rest of the tree Dooce!
13. Erin said:
Love this perspective and the picture...not to mention the silver tree!
14. Sarah said:
What was the breakfast special at the Blue Plate that day?
15. Karry said:
Aluminum tree, fake plastic-made-to-look-like-glass balls, and a reflection! Excellent! I'm liking this one.
16. lulu cornichon said:
Hey! There's a tiny little woman trapped in that orna--
never mind.
nice picture!
17. Jenny said:
That's a cute picture. Lots of holiday cheer!
18. dr. dave said:
A Dooce Family Holiday Ornament Fisheye Panorama! Too cool.
Thanks for today's post, it reminded me to check the calendar. Five days until it's Time to Lay Low.
19. RazDreams said:
Dooce, please tell us who that is standing behind you (at a counter?). Oooo, and I see someone else trying to hid too!!! How many people can you spot in the Christmas ornament?
20. Julie said:
Could that possibly be John *maybe* changing a diaper at a pack-n-play in the background of the ornament? Either that or he is doing something at a really cool green sink!
21. Candice said:
Man, if you have a blue/silver tree...
I am, like, SO jealous.
22. PKD said:
A douglas fir?
A fraiser fir?
Blue Spruce??
no, by golly it's a Poly Pine!
23. red said:
i LOVE this picture!!!
24. christilee said:
That's a fucking cool picture.
25. Ariel said:
I wish I could see this one a little bigger.
26. Malla said:
and now I'm really looking forward to Christmas
27. Dyanna said:
I f'in LOVE your camera. The fact that we can see Jon doing something in the background in the reflection on an ORNAMENT for chrissake is AWESOME! Oh, and the chick taking all these fabulous pictures ain't too shabby either. ;-)
28. christilee said:
is that astro-turf too?
29. Miss Kimberley said:
You've got some swank christmas style, Dooce. Love it.
30. Cheryl said:
i think I might be a bit picture of the day retarted. I try every day to come up with some quick witted response to the picture (#7) ... but I get nervous due to the competition to be first. So here comes my quick witted comment:
Wait For It...
Wait For It...
Baby's First Christmas...
Yeah wasn't worth the wait was it.
Sorry :-)
31. LadyBug said:
Really cool photo, Dooce.
32. Laura said:
That picture is freakin awesome... is that John in the back with Leta?
33. Kelli said:
You should totally submit that one to the Mirror Project. I know you do a lot of reflection pics, but this is one of my favorites, and they are asking for pics reflected in "shiny balls." http://www.mirrorproject.com/
34. Ali said:
Haha, excellent, you can see your totally geeky and awesome watch, Dooce.
35. Stephanie said:
Very nice pic. Merry Christmas!
36. sam said:
I get one for Christmas! A D70! WOO HOO!!
37. Colleen from NJ said:
Escher, alive and well in Utah.
I love it, I love it, I love it. (In true joyologist fashion)
38. jansell said:
Pretty
39. faith said:
You remember in advance! It takes me days to make the connection. Every month. Every month for years and years and years. I am NOT a fast learner.
40. twaci said:
i love your hugeass watch...
41. Circus Kelli said:
Ooooohhhhh!!! PWITTY!
Me likey.
42. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
I can totally see your nerd watch in that picture.
43. That Guy said:
Doh! Kelli stole my idea about telling you to post it on the Mirror Project.
Never the less, very cool picture.
44. Eric said:
Question: If Jon stands up will his head get caught in the ceiling fan? And if so, is that not an adequate punishment for tickling offenses?
45. Stephen McKenna said:
Who got astro-turf installed in their living room?
46. pismire said:
HA! I took this same exact picture of myself this year and put it on my blog a couple weeks back, only my camera isn't NEARLY as awesome. I must now go shopping. . .
47. Paige said:
Ugh I guess I need to put our tree up. :/
48. Jenie said:
very cool
49. Kieran said:
Christmas time is like anal sex, some people love it some people hate it. But most of us will try it when we are drunk
50. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
OMG Kieran --
Your comment (#49) should be on one of those little pillows that sit on gramma's couch!
51. closet metrosexual said:
Is that a Wurlizter jukebox I see? I'm jealous.
52. Shiz said:
That tree is neat-a-reeno!
53. LadyBug said:
Dooce, was this taken at your house? Are you a "Blue Christmas" kind of gal?
54. Sarah said:
I have no doubt that "The Blue Plate" is a diner-style restaurant, and that is someone paying at the counter behind Dooce. Not Jon.
Kieran: Holy shit, that was funny!
55. taryn said:
Definitely one for the Mirror Project. Or not. Make the Mirror Project come here and beg for it.
56. Irrylyn said:
Wonderful pic! You have such a great eye for these things!
57. Sarah said:
Ah...I am a dork and had to search...
http://utah.citysearch.com/roundup/39429?ulink=home__contentslot2_1___ro...
I rest my case. Listed under 'greasy'...and appropriately enough, in an article about hangover cures!
58. eddo said:
In the ornament, the carpet looks Grinch Green. I love you to death Heather, but please tell me that this is an illusion and that you are not raising a child on Grinch Green Carpet! :)
59. Lindsey said:
Oooh fabby tree!!!
60. OceanCity said:
Article in this morning's NY Times - a blogger scored a book deal based on her blog, it will be "a wry, downbeat memoir of postpartum depression". But it ain't Dooce.
http://www.nytimes.com/2004/12/15/books/15blog.html
61. Em said:
I have a VERY similar photo of me from last year. Only the balls were gold. Hee, BALLS.
62. August95 said:
Silver Balls, Silver Balls. It's Christmas Time at Heather's
63. LadyBug said:
*slaps forehead*
Oh, geez. Of COURSE this is not your house. I mean, good grief, you titled the damn thing, "Christmas at the Blue Plate." I guess I thought you were just being witty about the blue tree. I feel like an idiot now, but at least I'm not alone.
And thanks for the link, Sarah.
64. meilaan said:
People, it's not the DC70, it's the Dooce. =)
Nice shot!
65. meilaan said:
Er...D70.
66. Jenny Mahler said:
I love the Blue Plate... except sometimes their coffee tastes really burnt.
67. Molly said:
That is an awesome picture, thank you for sharing!
68. Stacy said:
Are you saying that you know when you period is going to start to THE HOUR? Freak! I'm lucky if I can guess it within a 3 or 4 day range.
69. The Mighty Jimbo said:
she's dreaming of a regular christmas.
70. gardens grey said:
Beautiful picture.
71. Littlehoney said:
You guys are good, I couldn't see anything. Though, now that i made it larger I see astroturf and is she leaning on either a) a jukebox or b) a giant 49ers football helmet?
72. romy said:
i love it. :)
73. popalop said:
I've been a lurker here at the House of Dooce, but I had to post to say SWEET! about this picture. Thank you. It completely rocks.
74. eddo said:
I think Heather left a comment on my website!!! Yeah! I don't know if it was her or not(It was posted anonymously, but the comment included the word f-u-c-k. I totally freaked a beak!
75. heathabee said:
nothing like taking pictures of balls.
lol *snickers like a 6th grader*
.... gives a whole new meaning to BLUE BALLS, doesn't it?
... apparently I'm on a roll... and forgive me if the jokes have already been done.. I haven't read the other comments!
HAPPY HOLIDAY SEASON DOOCE&READERS!
(mine officially began 1/2 an hour ago at the end of my final exam! yay!)
76. cara said:
Are you people all CRAZY? This photo was NOT taken at her house! Gah!
The only one around here that has an aluminum Christmas tree is ME! Go see for yourself. Ha.
77. Zach said:
Ha ha, nice pic. The Blue Plate totally owns my soul. I'd surely die of hang overs every Sunday morning if not for the Blue Plate special.
They would probably dig this pic, you should send it to them.
78. AyEnDeeAreEeAyAitch said:
That's cool. Are you at a diner?
79. TracyDee said:
My grandmother had a silver tree... I love it!
80. honestyrain said:
hugs from one girl to another because as a girl i know your pms pain. men know nothing. men suck. no, they don't. i'm sorry.
but really they do. sorry men.
81. Brian from LI said:
Miss Kimberly is definitly right, Swank Christmas Style.
Looks really nice.
82. Fish said:
The thumbnail made me think of "Lost Highway," which is the first movie that taught me to see film noir drunk (or whatever) first, and then go see it sober. It somehow makes more (less) sense that way.
Now I'm all in the mood to deconstruct everything I read or see. Is there really an author? Is that Dooce in the ornament, or just my reconstruction of shapes into my own construction of what I believe is Dooce? Is Dooce the sum of her parts, and has the text of the website reconstructed her as someone else? Is Dooce the reconstructed text, and Heather B. Armstrong the reality?
It's been six years since my last grad school class, and I STILL GOT IT! Screw you, Derrida.
83. JulieT said:
I agree, sometime before it's over we need to see the WHOLE tree. Happy Holidays Dooce!
84. Zach said:
Sucking > Monthly Demon Possession (a.k.a. PMS)
Men 1 Women 0
85. ella's ma said:
There's something so kitschy and comforting about a silver-tinsel Christmas tree.
I L.O.V.E. this time of year.
86. Libby said:
Ok. At first glance at the mini-main page image I thought that was a pregnancy stick test. Initial response was oh GOD, poor woman! (from a single woman how-the-fuck-does-she-do-it perspective...) and Second thought was "Yes, apparently I must think you WILL put ANYTHING on the web ;)" nice pic!
87. JP said:
May you and yours have a happy holiday...and may your period start in a timely manner so that all may be right with the world within your household.
88. kristine said:
that's it...i'm getting the Nikon! It's impossible to get cool pictures like that with my camera!
89. Slim said:
Lovely...I admire your random style and the way you keep your readers guessing. I don't celebrate Christmas but I would still like to wish you and yours a HAPPY HOLIDAY.
90. andy said:
this is a good entry for mirror- mirror
http://www.hchamp.com/mirror/
91. andy said:
oops. I mean The Mirror Project
http://www.mirrorproject.com/
(name and site has changed)
92. tiffany said:
MY HUSBAND: Oh, look at that. Derrida died today.
ME: Good.
93. ALI said:
By the way Jon already posted a pic on mirrorproject almost identical to this one...to prove to their family they actually had a tree.
94. Hillary said:
Fish,
I'm studying right now for a final on postmodern lit. Your blurb made me crack up.
95. the niffer said:
Super photo.
There is some brief, odd satisfaction in that moment when you realize that the irrational need to scream/cry/throwstuff is because you're about to shed your uterus lining.
Kind of a "phew, there is a reason I'm about to be an uberbitch. Now get the fuck out of my way."
96. Heidi said:
what an awesome picture!
97. Ghosts of Christmas Past said:
Per Ali's message, clink on the header of this comment for the link to Jon's version of Ornament Photography from 2001. It's cool how the distortion makes Jon look a little like Humphrey Bogart.
98. Adaire said:
The Blue Plate, as in the Blue Plate Diner? Why are you making me miss Salt Lake City so? I never thought I would be jealous of anyone living in Salt Lake City (we moved to Vegas last January). Your posts are making me miss home.
99. Nathan Logan said:
Top 100?
100. Michael said:
Did you read the Sarah Brown entry about decorating the other day? (link above) "I can't stand THE RAIN!" That was so awesome.
101. Sheryl said:
Photo reminds me of Escher. Except if Escher was a constipated Shit Ass Ho Motherfucker with a D70 in a diner.
Three Spheres
http://www.mcescher.com/Gallery/back-bmp/LW339.jpg
Hand with Sphere
http://fusionanomaly.net/mcescherlefthandsphere.jpg
102. Sheryl said:
I'm with Fish, that thumbnail does look like the Lost Highway movie ad and the visual theme that runs through it.
And I know what you mean about Film Noir (esp Lynch), I mean I laughed my ass off all through Blue Velvet too, all 12 times I saw it, and I didn't even have a drink first. Sad, beautiful, depressing, hilarious, disgusting, ridiculous all at the same time.
Kind of like reading Dooce.
103. Mari said:
Merry Christmas!
104. Sheryl said:
(Colleen in NJ - Whups. I missed your comment or wouldn't have repeat-posted on Escher. DOH!)
105. lulu cornichon said:
Reading Derrida made me quit grad school. Well, not really, but that's the shortest version of the longest story ever.
So I got a couple quick hives when you mentioned him, Fish. And I didn't know he had died, so I did a quick Google, and found this great article:
http://www.villagevoice.com/issues/0446/essay.php
He might have gotten me lost inside my own brain, but he wasn't such a bad guy after all.
106. Rebecca said:
When I got my early Christmas present this year (a camera) this was one of the first pictures I took. Similarly, my husband and I sharing a kiss, relfected in one of our tree bulbs.
Great picture.
107. liminalspace said:
it's like that part in one of the ramona quimby books where she's a sheep in the christmas pageant and she looks at herself in the little ornament ball and thinks she looks all ugly and warped...
except she's totally cute...
108. Girl.A said:
Fish Highway
http://www.fishighway.com/
109. Danika said:
Thats so cool GirlA! Love the fish highway!
Awesome pic Dooce. I dream that I'm as good at photography as you. Of course... I have neither the camera nor the talent.
110. Jenie said:
LoL--so funny to see that someone else remembers Ramona Quimby...I loved those books as a kid!
111. Girl.A said:
Ramona the Pest. BOING!
How can you not be a pest with a sister named BEEZUS for crapsake?
112. Mir said:
I am experiencing a sudden craving for greasy eggs and bacon....
113. tom said:
nice watch !
114. Dara said:
i love christmas!
115. matt said:
(off topic, but read it anyway)
i was just reading some other sites that i found from here and thought about the basically 'invisible' community that has formed here. now i am not saying it doesn't qualify as a community, as i read everyday or i just might die, but bear with me...
what if a person/place/thing like dooce.com disappeared? *poof* gone. you click on your bookmark to see if there is a new picture of the congressman and the site just isn't there. *pauses for effect*
just isn't there anymore.
not that i think it would, but it could happen so easily. those 10 minutes of our everyday routine RIPPED OUT FROM UNDER US.
just wanted to share that thought.
116. Chloe (is here) said:
Actually, I believe that Heather did post a picture of a positive pregnancy stick test. When they remodeled the guest bedroom for something like $300, but then she said it would only stay that way for 6 months, or something like that? Wait! Found it: http://www.dooce.com/archives/daily/06_10_2003.html
Anyway, blah blah not related to the picture blah.
Our Christmas tree isn't up yet. And I've only done my Christmas shopping for 2.5 people. I'm going to hyperventilate now.
When I first looked at the reflection, I thought it was someone hugging someone else wearing a black shirt. Then I realized that was the camera.
Have you hugged _your_ camera today?
117. Sarah said:
Girl A., that fish highway is so totally cool. It almost makes me want to have fish!
But no.
118. Fish said:
Derrida made me sell my soul and become a lawyer.
119. LadyBug said:
Matt: Ten minutes? You only spend _ten minutes_ a day here? *Amateur*
Chloe (is here): I was just wondering what you bought the half-person for Christmas? I have a couple of half-people on my list, and I'm just at a loss.
120. JP said:
Chloe...don't feel bad. I'm in the middle of moving and STARTING my christmas shoping today...on my lunch hour...with my anal retentive husband...
Let's hyperventilate together, shall we?
121. LadyBug said:
"premenstrual burritos and beans"
Dooce, you crack me up.
BTW, where do you buy premenstrual burritos?
122. matt said:
ladybug: i was going to do a quick repost and say that i was clearly lying about the 10 minutes thing.
glad someone called me out on it .. it is more like an hour. damn you dooce. damn you.
123. George Lover said:
Matt: You're a downer. I try not to think of such things.
Dooce: All your pictures rock. Just like you. Your story about Chuck and Emily is a little like the scene in "As Good As It Gets" when Verdel has a total crush on Jack Nicholson.
124. Fish said:
'Bug: I've got to do christmas shopping for .1 persons.
Matt: Very Derridean of you. What if Dooce.com doesn't really exist now? Are we just a confluence of intelligences existing in space? Or, is Dooce actually writing these comments herself, and are we just constructs of her authorial persona?
(Hillary, I don't know what I just said. Maybe you could explain it?)
125. Girl.A said:
I want to make a slug highway.
126. matt said:
yes! that would be amazing if she is writing these comments all herself. holy psychological-thriller-in-the-making.
dooce.com: the faces of heather b. armstrong
127. LadyBug said:
Girl.A: How funny is it that Christina Aguliera (I really couldn't care less if I misspelled that) showed up in your Google search for "slug highway."
On another note: Is anyone besides me starting to notice that I'm tired and don't feel like working today? The comment police will be banging down my door any se....
Hang on. I have to get the door..
128. Girl.A said:
Fish I can't believe you and Matt just figured this out.
You two must be two of Heather's more repressed personalities.
Dude, Leon and Kano can be prissy here but backstage - - - well, let's just say you'll have to see them do body shots and land loogies on the ceiling to believe it! Come and hang with us. Meet me at the toilet and we'll integrate psyches with dooce.
129. Aubrey said:
Very cool picture. My husband took one like that, but he happened to be shirtless with bedhead so it didn't turn olut as charming as yours.
BTW, I thought the whole idea of leaving comments was to comment on your blog or pictures, not to be one of the first post-ers. silly people.
130. HDC said:
Chuck needs to up the Ritalin dose a smidge methinks =).
131. Fish said:
Girl.A: re: "Meet me at the toilet and we’ll integrate psyches with dooce."
You are funny.
132. mari2 said:
That is such a cute story about Chuck. Especially the part about him flinging himself against parked cars. Emily should be very flattered.
133. Sarah said:
The image of Chuck flinging himself against the parked car made me laugh out loud.
Then I got the hiccups.
134. Danika said:
GirlA you crack me the fuck up! Thank you!
135. honestyrain said:
is Emily busy later? my dog could use a trip to the park. and again tomorrow. next day too. that alright? she's going anyway, yeah?
136. jnoveck said:
Yes Matt, it would be amazing but sad because then what would we do at work?
Maybe the government has a system set up where you ping the off switch. Like posting the word 'poop' over 650 times. Dooce may be on her way! Or posting the words 'i still cannot believe Bush got reelected and i still hate him' 100 times.
137. JP said:
LOL. I didn't get the hiccups, but I choked on my Chex Mix from laughing.
And really, Chex Mix is NOT a good thing to choke on.
138. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
I'm having period burritos for lunch. With a Yoohoo.
139. Danika said:
*wiping subway bits off monitor* Mental note: Do NOT read Dooce while eating.
Dooce you also crack me the fuck up... a HUGE thank you to you too!
140. victoria said:
My dog loves the guy who takes him to the dog park every day, too. More than he loves me. Sigh.
141. Becca said:
The food that normally makes you feel sick to look at suddenly because the food your desire most during the cycle.
142. christy said:
one of the only bonuses to nursing is the lack of periods. well, not the only bonus, but in the winter is really sucks to have to haul your boobs out from under big sweaters and whatnot.
anyhow, yeah. periods. they suck.
143. the niffer said:
Oh my God you people are hilarious. I, too, am spitting shit all over my screen and I'm not even eating anything.
144. the niffer said:
The visual of Chuck throwing himself against a car AND wrapping his little Chuck body around her neck started it all.
145. Fish said:
Niffer: Don't take this the wrong way, but if you're spitting *shit* on the computer, you REALLY need to go to the doctor.
146. Jenny said:
I love that picture!
147. Colleen from NJ said:
Sheryl,
Glad you posted, because I am an idiot and tried to post the three spheres link and I am like totally stupid today and couldn't do it. I have 8 days left of being able to blame pregnancy on my stupidity. Then, it's back to blaming my period for being a bitch.
148. Super Turtle Girl said:
Hey, Christmas! I almost forgot it was almost Christmas. There are so few things about to remind one of that fact...Cool photo.
149. Marti said:
"Christmas is like anal sex..."
Tremendous!
150. LadyBug said:
_Fresh back from the Comment Police Station_
Colleen from NJ: Congrats! Didn't know you were expecting! Is this your first?
151. the niffer said:
Fish: Is that bad? It sure does stink. And tastes kind of punky.
152. Gordon said:
Ummm...excuse me, but aren't we forgetting to ask how poor Chuck is doing? Does he have a fan club yet?
153. Rebekah said:
All I need to do is read these comments and I can't help but be in a funny mood. I am peeing my pants right now.
154. heather b said:
omg, a silver foily xmas tree...i didnt think those still existed...memory floodgates are a flowin now....lol...
155. Shiz said:
The Gaymart a block from my old apartment had a rainbow foil tree in the window last year. Bottom row red, the next row orange, and so on.
I was kinda sad they didn't have it up this year.
http://www.gaymart.com/
Hee hee. Up.
156. Mouse said:
Shuck,
Pippil dun't unnirstend. Thi gerl I lov is nem Pressilla. Shi is so nas and priddee and shi wil pit me su mush. I hup 1 diy we can be 2gitter. Hir R sem littirs shi rote 2 me.
http://www.savemouse.com/prsla.htm
Gud luk 2 yew with your gerl. I hop 1 dey yew can gu lif wit hir lik 1 gud dagg.
Yor frin,
Mos.
157. Colleen from NJ said:
LadyBug,
Thanks... this is my third. My third boy! I am a little afraid.
LadyBug, you have three kids, right? Should I be very afraid?
158. Sherri said:
I find this photo strangely hypnotic.
159. Shooshie said:
Oh dear - too much for me to read! I shall make my first mark on this here site though dammit! Great picture and we're in synch. Is that something for me to be proud of?
160. Kahli said:
So, I have a friend who sends those bulk emails with really bad jokes to me ALL THE TIME as well as Support Our Troops with a photo montage ( WE NEED A MONTAGE!!) with Enrique Igesias playing.... anyway, in the interest if remaining semi- relevant, there was this gem tucked into a list of really trashy and stupid (which this one actually kinda is... but it is still funny sort of)one liners about husbands and kids and super models, well.. I digress:
They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
Which we all know isn't true but, well, I finished finals yesterday but I got my period today. First one! heee
161. Caroline said:
WHY is there no Gay Mart in my town? I would *TOTALLY* shop there. Like, all the time.
Serious.
And maybe then I could come up with a present idea for my lice infested lesbian neighbors. I was considering a really funny blow up rainbow triangle thing I found at a weird antique store, but I don't know if they have a sense of humor or not.
They DO however, have one of those high heel shoe chairs in their living room. Leopard print.
162. Melanie S said:
Our dogs FREAK when my sister (12 year old) walks through our door. One of the dogs "sings" until she comes to his kennel to pet him.
163. Caroline said:
Oh, and I live in Ohio, for those of you who were wondering. The Ultra Christian part. It's so much fun to mess with the people around here.
164. Zach said:
Quote: "Our dogs FREAK when my sister (12 year old) walks through our door. One of the dogs “sings†until she comes to his kennel to pet him."
That's not singing, it's crying, "LET.. ME... OUT.. OF. DIS... DAMN... KENNEL!!!"
165. Leslie said:
Marti - I really haven't seen anyone compare Christmas to anal sex before. Very interesting...
I'm waiting for my mom to dig the silver tree out of the garage and mail it to me because I loved it the most of any of the kids. Ours had the pink bulbs, but I do dig the blue.
166. Shiz said:
A mini version of the *Rainbow* Christmas Tree:
http://rainbowgifts.zoovy.com/product/412
The big one looked cooler.
167. closet metrosexual said:
Premenstrual burritos and beans. Its what's for dinner.
While slightly repulsed by the description, I think I'm going to go to Chipotle for a burrito the size of my forearm.
168. MrsDoF said:
Colleen from NJ (comment 157)
Raising three sons is a walk on the wild side. There was a year when we had one in high school, one in junior high, and one still in elementary. The car pool and after school activities had me clawing the walls.
But there are no worries about wearing pink.
169. Caroline said:
I'm confused Kahli -- Did you just say you got your first period today?
Hmm...
170. Marti said:
Leslie,
not my comparison, but I do have a scathing anal sex story; no, I will not share it.
171. Caroline said:
Does anyone else notice that the first twenty comments or so are all polite and short, and then the rest of us get on and start spewing our off topic paragraphs? Aren't any talkative people up early?
172. Danika said:
The early ones are all too busy trying to be first... or as close to first as they can be to come up with the tangents others do.
173. Caroline said:
And how come I never get to be part of the little funny conversations?
HUH?
I recently ate seven chocolate chip cookies. Sugar high, anyone?
174. Caroline said:
Oh, wait, Danika's talking to me. Hi.
175. JP said:
Okay...I have lesbian neighbors (and close friends) but THANK GOD none of them are lice infested.
176. Dänika said:
Everyone's said everything about the christmas tree/photo that I was going to, so instead of talking about the photo:
Hi, Danika.
177. Shiz said:
It's beginning to feel twighlight-zoney in here.
178. Dänika said:
heheh, you're telling me!
I never run into people with my name. This is so weird.
179. Danika said:
Hi Dänika
Hi Caroline
If it makes you feel better dooce the internet doesn't think you are an idiot. (or at least I don't)
180. Zach said:
I really missed the point why Dooce is an idiot. Her kids are hellians like all sub 7 yr. old boys should be, err.. maybe sub 11, err... maybe... damn, I'm 24 and still a hellian.. Point is: it's not dooce's fault kids don't like to sit still.
181. Shiz said:
OK, me-me-me! Commenting again!
I just want to say that I HAD a friend who used to insist that HER CHILDREN WOULD NOT ACT *THAT* WAY, and her sister and I laughed at her. She has a baby now. We're not in touch anymore, but I hope her kid is a Leta Scream Stom times a million. And that she has another six kids real soon.
182. Shiz said:
Duh. Leta Scream Storm.
Leaving now.
183. Danika said:
I will have a kid that is a hellian. One reason I will not be having kids. Despite the ovary banging I get on this site and watching my nieces.
184. lulu cornichon said:
I was seriously about to throw my computer out the window and burst into tears (curse you, crappy software; curse you, luddite brain), when I decided on one last click on the over-used Dooce bookmark.
Awesome post, Heather. Nothing like reading about someone else's frustrations to make you feel a bit more human.
My computer is safe for one more day.
185. halfsies said:
Closet Metrosexual-
We call those puppy dog burritos
186. cee said:
When I glanced at the thumbnail, I thought it was one of those.... EPT sticks...!!! Wow,was I wrong! ;)
Your camera is indeed amazing, such clarity without a flash! I'm jealous.
187. Carol said:
Very funny story. But I don't think you're the idiot. I think you and Beth know who the idiot was. : )
BTW, the google ads are "Stop Loosing Your Memory." Yes, they actually spelled it "loose."
They should try their own medicine.
188. Kim said:
I guess I shouldnt tell you about my memory card for my camera then... 512 mb... takes roughly 500 pictures, on best quality. Over 1000 on worst. :-D
189. Lovin' the story about Chuck said:
That wonderful, side-splitting story about Chuck had me laughing _almost_ as hard as the scene in My Big Fat Greek Wedding when the aunt talks about the tumor they removed from her neck containing a spinal cord and teeth. ("It twas my tvin.") My friends actually had to stop the movie and get out the brown paper bag as my laughter turned into real hysterics.
190. Colleen from NJ said:
MrsDoF,
Well, so far there's no worries about the boys wearing pink...
not that there's anything wrong with that. I mean, I visited the Gaymart.
191. MrsDoF said:
Colleen from NJ, Were your boys with you for the visit?
After all the discussion caused in my Children's Literature class at the community college when we looked at the book KING AND KING (two princes have a wedding and a heart ending), I am glad there's not a Gaymart nearby.
From the last story by Dooce, I would say we have a stereotype of sweet little girl and two active boys.
My grandma used to say "Better you than me" when it came to raising any more children (she raised 8 of her own to adulthood--and she was neither Catholic nor Mormon with such a big family.)
192. Amanda B. said:
Dooce, I love your stories. You are a hoot. Arachnaphobia- you feel something on your face in the middle of the night and proceed to whoopin your own ass. Very "Fight Club".
(is fun when significant other experiences this for the first time and considers moving to Guam)
And now for something completely different: Godzilla got a star on the walk of fame. Awesome.
(old Godzilla. not new Godzilla)
193. lulu cornichon said:
Speaking of Godzilla, I'm watching Lost. I'm easily spooked on a good day, *and* on a giant extra dose of caffeine (tasty coffee!).
If you never hear from me again, I died of a heart attack in front of the tv. How embarrassing.
194. mari said:
Dooce, I actually quite like the first picture on your friend Beth's site (crazy us) and I think it would make a *great* family Christmas photo. It captures perfectly what it's like to be the parents of two active little boys. So much better than those posed Christmas photos from Sears in front of the fake fireplace where everybody just looks so *perfect*.
195. Mari said:
Sorry for the half-bold message. No idea what I did. Guess I'm an idiot.
196. LadyBug said:
I was seriously worried I would wake up all the kids, laughing at the post about taking the pictures. Thanks, Dooce.
197. Carol said:
lulu - i've heard Lost is amazing. never seen it, though. should watch more tv.
huh?
amanda b. - funny as always.
mari - you have a good point. if that's not life with two boys (very blurred), i don't know what is.
198. zoom said:
You are toooo funny. And no. It is "I" who is the stupid idiot. HAHAHAAAA!
199. nellie said:
Oh! I miss the Blue Plate Diner! Damn, I wish there was good food in Juneau, Alaska.
200. LadyBug said:
Colleen from NJ: Just saw your comment from earlier. I've been away from the computer since I left work, and couldn't get back on 'til I got all the kids to bed.
No, hon, (Did I just call you 'hon'? God, I'm getting old.) don't be very afraid. The great thing about having my third (six months old today! unbelievable!) is that my girls (6 and 7 1/2 years) help out SO MUCH...fetching baby stuff, entertaining their brother while I get stuff done...He absolutely adores them, and they, him.
Ummm...unless your two older boys aren't old enough to help yet...in that case, Beeeee afraaaaaid. Be veeeeery afraaaaaid.
Oh, and you know I'm still on the lam from the Comment Police, so if you want to chat more, feel free to email me: LadyBug4791@hotmail.com.
201. Carol said:
OK, 'Bug and Colleen - three (#!!?) kids. Tell me about it, because my hubby wants another. ANOTHER!! that would make three. all my friends say it sends them over the edge, but i am intrigued....three sounds good... in theory....
202. Carol said:
'Bug & Colleen - BTW, comment police NOTHIN'! Dooce, herself said, H