The calm before the storm
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
1. dre said:
Huh?
2. cheryl said:
dark
3. mike said:
tres darkness!
4. Sara said:
What storm?
5. cory said:
Pretty!
6. Michael said:
wicked dahk
7. Chessy said:
I have always liked the shots that were illuminated just by lamplight. I have a collection, actually. It is sort of sad.
8. Deenzadrine said:
Spoooooky...
9. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
Hope it's a lightning storm so we can see what the hell's going on.
10. Deenzadrine said:
Wait...was this right before you tried to vacuum the dog? ;-)
11. Sarah said:
Right before you powered up the vacuum, right? And Leta commenced with the screaming?
12. bb said:
My no flash pics never look like that!
Top 10!
13. Red said:
Witness protection program?
14. Michael said:
yeah... what is this storm that seems to be brewing? Is it just before Leta wakes up and is inaugurated as "queen mcscreamy"
15. Eric said:
Cmon Leta wake up! Chuck! Chuck!
16. Sherri said:
Um...OK...
17. Alex said:
That looks like George's head.
18. Susie said:
OK, now this one is just begging for verbal elaboration. A thousand words would be worth more than the picture. Come on . . .
Deenzadrine, that's funny.
19. cara said:
I'm guessing it is before LETA has awakened...
20. Julia said:
This is an absolutely beautiful photo.
21. Sheryl said:
Maybe this is early in the am on Thanksgiving Day? Or right before the big snowstorm? Is that Heather's stepdad holding her mom's hand?
Dr. Fever - LMFAO.
22. jkegwest said:
Maybe they'll name the next big hurricane after her...or a tropical storm. :)
23. Julia said:
Okay, sorry to do this in today's comments, but I just saw yesterday's pic. How come no one else noticed that the photo from day BEFORE had her in the same pink sweater, and no one noticed? See, you guys don't really care if she wears pink or not. Leave Dooce alone!
24. Jennay said:
I'm guessing we're in the nursery in this photo, but it definitely looks more like a room at the nursing home...
Oooh! Or "the calm before the storm" is a foreshadowing of an awful post to follow shortly on the main page... Oh! the suspense!
25. red said:
it's lovely.
26. Julia said:
"noticed that the photo from day BEFORE had her in the same pink sweater, and no one noticed"
hello, and welcome to the department of redundancy department.
27. Stephanie said:
That's kind of freaky!
28. Fish said:
Okay, I'll say it first: What's up with the lamp, Heather?
29. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Scary bedtime stories, anyone?
"And then the wicked witch turned on her vacuum and cackled, 'I'll get you, my pretty, and your little fleas, too!'"
30. Mouse said:
Prablee the calm bifur thiy stert 2 kikkeeng an vacummeen thir 1 gud dag Shuck.
31. Cheryl said:
Ahhh... reminds me of the last few minutes of the day when I walk around my home and make sure everything is okay.
WHO AM I KIDDING I PASS OUT AND WAKE UP AND EVERYTHING IS PERFECT RIGHT WHERE IT IS!!
32. Kieran said:
SPOOOOOKY!
33. Kieran said:
YES I AM #31! GO ME GO ME! MY life is now complete because I have made it into the top 50!
YES! MOM WILL BE PROUD!
34. SeanArthurWill said:
Wow, what time do you post those pictures. Is that picture taken at like 4 in the morning right before you put it up?
Sean
35. juuuuuuu said:
looking forward to "the storm".
36. Gia said:
Looks like someone broke into your house and was sneaking around...
37. Mari said:
It's cruel and unusual punishment to make us wait a whole 24 hrs. for "the storm."
38. MLE said:
TOP 50!
39. Cammie said:
I would seriously rather have fleas than lice...
40. Katie said:
Oh, Mouse. Mouse should comment every stinkin' day.
41. Miss Kimberley said:
"The Calm Before the Storm" or, "We're Trying to save money since having a baby is fucking expensive."
42. Anita said:
I thought I saw skis in the background, but they were just smudges on my screen where I had wiped off more smudges with my finger.
43. LadyBug said:
Maybe this is after a buffalo wing binge, but before the, um, _effects_ of said binge?
44. Kathy said:
hmm there are two people sitting, in a living room perhaps. Appears to be two males. On the table we can see a picture that appears to be of two small children.
That's the extent of my sleuthing abilities.
45. Amanda B. said:
Kind of sca-wy picture.
Mouse, you didn't read yesterday's story did you? That's not a good story for 1 gud dag.
46. closet metrosexual said:
"What, no flash again?"
I think that's a line from an 80's song. Trying to remember which one will drive me nuts.
47. Michele said:
Heather -
I had to tell you that my cat *loves* to be vacuumed (though, thankfully, has never had fleas). When we get the hand vac out, he flops in our path and rolls over so we can vac his tummy.
48. victoria said:
Hey, thanks for the post about flea yesterday. It reminded me that it was time to put some more Frontline on the dog this morning. See, you're not just entertaining, you're serving the public good, as well! Also thank you for the new meaning of Boohbah, which made me laugh, even though I have no kids and have never seen this show.
49. KellyH said:
Heather- just FYI- Pert Plus kills fleas like you wouldn't believe. No need to go riding around looking for an open pet store if you've got that in your shower.
50. Fish said:
KellyH: That's kind of disturbing, actually. The shampoo I, er, I mean, people who are too cheap to buy real shampoo use doubles as a pest-control agent? Can I put a perimeter of Pert-Plus around the house to keep out the carpenter ants, too?
51. Fish said:
Now, if you told me it cures diaper rash, too, then we'd have something.
52. Jeremy said:
Light the Christmas tree already... It's dark in here.
53. Amanda B. said:
Fish- with the Everett. the Cuteness. the Smoochableness.
54. U.B. said:
Looks like a clandestine meeting. Is that Deep Throat on the left?
55. Oh, you don't know the half... said:
Oh dear GOD, Fish I so totally agree: what IS with the lamp?
Almost as if it is half of one of those tacky, tacky sets that have a match of the opposite gender to go with an inconsistent decor in a house that is *almost* decorated cool but isn't quite what you would have done yourself. Yet, alas, you have no say in the decor because it isn't your house. Victorian-esque wanna be house decor: bad.
56. sweetney said:
i second fish's lamp query.
57. Em said:
lovely shadows and People Of Mystery!
58. FS said:
Turn on a light! You'll ruin your eyes.
Wow. I am turning into my dad...
59. eddo said:
Whose profile is that? The hair can't possibly be Jon's- it's too perfect - it looks like Bruce Wayne telling Batgirl goodbye right before going down the pole to the bat cave...
60. Fish said:
Oh, I see, storm = seventeen minutes of Boohbah, as in: "Let's Boohbah that procedure!"
*Flight of the Bumblebees starts playing*
61. di said:
This has been a production of "How To Drive People Crazy With A Dark Photograph and Mysterious Caption."
62. tangoali said:
Omnious. Please don't break my heart and tell me that George is getting married or something tragic like that....
63. Melanie said:
your pictures rock. i mean, totally. rock.
64. kari said:
Brings a whole new meaning to "It's a present for the story people"
Booooobaaaaaah!
65. Diana said:
If Leta ever does get lice, don't use peanut butter. Not only does it not work, but you will end up making fun of her for the rest of her life because she had PEANUT BUTTER STUCK IN HER HAIR. (It's a personal thing.)
66. Melanie S said:
Proceedures, maybe?
67. Sven said:
Oh my, no cuteness whatsoever as of today. I´m missing out my daily smile fix.
68. robin said:
I know! I know! I know!
It's GEORGE!!
69. LadyBug said:
Diana, that's just...disturbing. You got lice as a child, and your parents decided to FEED them?
70. b said:
LOOK OUT!!! THERE'S A GUY IN THE CORNER!!!
71. Sheryl said:
Eddo, I agree - it is someone with a bigger squarer head and more closely shorn hair than Jon's.
I still think this is a room in Heather's mom's house.
72. Jeff said:
I dunno. Both my dog and my parents' dog love getting vacuumed. It's a great way to keep Golden Retriever fur in check.
73. Sheryl said:
closetmetrosexual,
Sexuality by Prince
We live in a world overrun by tourists
Tourists -- 89 flowers on their back...inventors of the Accu-jack
They look at life through a pocket camera... *What? No flash again?*
They're all a bunch of double drags who teach their kids that Love is bad
Half of the staff of their brain is on vacation
Mama, are u listening?
74. dooce said:
honestly, i'd rather not talk about the storm.
75. closet metrosexual said:
Sheryl,
Thanks for saving my sanity. I should have known that, I only have about 70 Prince albums.
76. Shiz said:
Before the baby wakes. That IS calm.
77. LadyBug said:
Dooce, your comment is even more forboding than your picture.
78. Jenie said:
I'm guessing it's something sad...I don't like it.
79. Shiz said:
It's BRITNEY IN THE NEWS AGAIN, EVERYBODY!
This will make you all happy:
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1210457.html?menu=
80. Fish said:
Okay, people. Let's use our deductive reasoning. Dooce is reluctant to talk about the storm, and yet she posts a picture about the storm, meaning that you, Heather, are (respectfully) full of shit (pun VERY intended).
Which brings us to the next point. Jon's post today on blurbomat is a picture of an advertisement for bran muffin mix, with the caption: "One For My Lady." Meaning that Jon's got the functioning (or lack thereof) of Heather's bottom system on his mind, too.
Of course, we all know that Dooce.com is built on love and poop (and booze). The end result of all these factors indicates that there was, indeed, a shitstorm at the blurbodoocery in the recent past.
Other theories?
81. Fish said:
I can't believe I wrote all that. Sorry.
82. Shiz said:
It might be from a storm a while back, but either way it sounds like it's personal.
Heather, I don't care what the storm is. But please don't be in the storm anymore. Please?
83. Susie said:
Or maybe the storm is a terrible little tornado -- maybe Leta has gone MOBILE on them!
84. Sarah said:
Fish, your deductive reasoning ranks you right up there with the best.
Elementary, my dear Watson.
85. The Mommy said:
Boobah for you is Dora the Explorer for us. Give it a few more months!
86. LadyBug said:
You know how sometimes you're really upset about something, and part of you wants to talk about it (or share a forboding picture), but the other part of you just wants to be silent and sad, because if you start talking, you'll probably start crying, and then you might not be able to stop, and then that feeling, it might just get worse instead of better? That's kind of what it sounds like to me. But of course, that's just coming from the particular place that I'm at right now, what with the postpartum hormones and the sleep deprivation and all.
87. Eric said:
Shoot. 17 minutes minus the 5 minutes spent loosening the titanium codpiece doesn't leave much time for Boobah.
88. alh said:
It's good to hear that someone else's husband farts on them, too.
89. George Lover said:
The profile looks a bit like Jon as Drunkenstein, but it most certainly is something more serious. If not for Dooce's recent comment, I would think maybe it was when she talked to her parents about not being a mormon anymore. Maybe it's when you were going into labor? Or maybe, Dooce, it's the lobby of the hospital from a few months ago? (Although, I can't imagine having a camera at that time. And you did talk about it.)
90. Melanie S said:
Of POOP!
I believe the Fish was correct.
91. George Lover said:
Ok, and come to think of it, if it was the hospital lobby, the hospital was not a storm, but salvation (in a secular way). So forget my theory.
I do think it's Dooce on the right with feet on the table.
92. Fish said:
Titanium codpiece. Jon: You are funny.
Where can I get me one of dem codpieces?
93. George Lover said:
Just one more post, I promise.
Not Drunkenstein, maybe Tom Ridge.
Not Dooce on the right, but some man.
Not feet on the table, but legs crossed.
Not lobby but someone's home/office.
94. Lisa said:
Boobah? Shoot, if it hadn't been for Barney, we wouldn't have had a second child!
95. Amanda B. said:
Ooh Dooce. You are soooo wiley. This is just like that gd Thanksgiving pic, circa 1994.
There's evil in you...
96. cathy b said:
From Dooce's comment and the title, the storm seems personal. The picture is interesting on it's own, though. It makes me think of a type of Sunday evening in winter, being a young teenager, sitting in the living room with my brother and some music, it was grey all day and cold outside, and school is tomorrow.
Like a poem, sometimes a picture is about what it is about, and sometimes it is about what it makes a viewer feel when seeing it.
97. J. said:
Dooce, we used to vacuum our dogs (with the crevice attachment), and they liked it. I'm not kidding. The goal of the vacuuming was hair, not flea, removal, as they were extremely furry sheepdogs. They would run up to the running vacuum all excited like they were getting a treat, and were extremely cooperative. Too bad I can't convince my extremely furry cat that this is a good idea (I've never tried, but all the racing from room to room with a look of terror in her eyes that she does when we vacuum makes me think she'd not really be into it).
98. Moxie said:
hunh huh hunh huh..she said 'codpiece'.
99. cathy b said:
We trained our dog to love the vacuum cleaner--she was a 3 year old pound dog--she used to hate it and run terrified when we first brought her home.
It took about 3 weeks. We started by having the vacuum off, but near where we were brushing her every day. then would turn it on to clean up the extra hair. After a week or so, we'd turn it on and one of us vacuumed the kitchen while the other brushed her and gave her treats. In time, we started to bribe her closer and closer to the vacuum with treats as we brushed her, until one day we had her sort of cornered against a wall with a treat in front of her and me and the vacuum to her side. She started to pull away as I brushed her with it, but then she seemed to realize it felt good. She still hates the sound of it, but stands there with a confused happy/embarrassed face whenever we vacuum her.
Her favorite attachment is the little brush. (I like the crevice tool, for its sexy name.)
(Oh--and a tip I saw somewhere--if there are fleas around where you live, not Utah, put an activated flea collar in the inside of your vacuum cleaner, under the bag. Any fleas that get vacuumed die, but your carpets and upholstery don't need to be covered with dangerous poisons.)
100. Shiz said:
100!
101. Jennay said:
Ok. So I just copy-pasted into photoshop and messed with brightness/contrast, and this is what I found:
1- There might be a person on the right side of the picture.
2- And a curtain, maybe.
3- And a coffee table in the foreground, possibly.
Yeah. That's it.
102. Angelique said:
Why, Jennay, would you tear apart a photo or any piece of art for that matter? It only destroys the spirit and the intentions of it.
103. Scully said:
So, what you are prepping for? Filming an X-Files episode? Because Chris Carter never filmed anything with light in it? Clearly, you are imitating Chris Carter.
104. itsme said:
I see a person on the left looking at the person on the right, sitting in a striped sofa chair, crossing their legs with a little person on their lap facing us.
interesting.
105. Amanda B. said:
Jennay, you photoshop girl!
I don't think Dooce would post a photo that was so deeply personal that she didn't want us to see it so she, ? posted it.
Did I say that in English?
Anyway, Perhaps this is pre-horsey bar?
106. itsme said:
but it doesn't look like a hospital, more like a bedroom.
107. lostandsearching said:
The picture is cool and dark at the same time. Try getting a little vacuum for your daughter to follow you around with. It worked for my daughter.
108. Caroline said:
Hey, even with the codpiece you can still poke him in the eye.
109. TK said:
Hilarious story about trying to vacuum the dog!! Strangely, my brother's dog absolutely loves to be vacuumed. Mind you, he is kinda stupid...
110. KellyH said:
Fish- don't know about the carpenter ants. . .
I think almost any regular human shampoo will kill fleas if you let the animal soak in the lather for several minutes, but Pert Plus works particularly well. Doesn't keep me from using it. But then, I'm an Animal Science major, and I've done things to young bulls (for school, you gutter-minded fools) you don't wanna know about.
111. Eric said:
I think it might be the calm before the storm of TICKLING.
112. Tracy said:
Mysterioso!
113. Amanda B. said:
Dooce. I see you have not been introduced to Pooka.
Pooka is the ultimate defense against any would be assailant. It was invented (around here anyway) by my friend John Cowart (cruel little bastard englishman) many years ago.
It works like this:
1)Take index finger and hold it in a pointy fashion.
2)Sneak up behind unsuspecting husband, friend, co-worker, etc.
3)Insert finger into victim's behind (clothed only)and proclaim, "Pooka!".
4)Measure the success of Pooka by the strange noise made by your victim as well as the amount of time they spend airborne.
It works best if victim is wearing boxer's and is bent down to look for missing item under couch.
Of course the depth at which you Pooka is strictly based on the intimacy of you and your victim.
I promise, the next time they think about tickling you...oh yes, they will remember Pooka.
114. Sherri said:
Amanda B.,
I have committed the Pooka to memory and will report back with my own findings.
Thank you for sharing.
[wringing hands a la Mr. Burns]
115. Fish said:
KellyH: You would've been SO helpful a few weeks back during the in depth discussion of bull condoms.
116. Fish said:
Amanda B:
*Fish pauses, unsure as to how to approach the subject*
What ... life experience made you put the "clothed only" proviso into your description of pooka?
117. Amanda B. said:
Fish- it is Pooka. not Colonoscopy. Fine line, my friend.
118. Chloe (is here) said:
Pooka! Oh, Amanda B... I want to pooka!
Eh hem. My theory was a tickling storm too. But I wasn't the first to suggest it, so... pooka!
Also, please note that I have changed my name to "Chloe (is here)" as I've seen another nefarious "Chloe" has posted (you can tell the difference by the different web sites when you rollover on our names, but that's a pain in the ass) so I'll just be the good girl and change my name.
Not that anyone really gave a damn about that...I'm just over-explaining.
Wait...
POOKA!
119. Fish said:
Amanda B.: Oh, yeah.
Let me clear one more thing up: you do this to your co-workers? Where the hell do you work?
120. Slim said:
My guess is the two people calmly talking in this pic will eventually end up in a knock down drag out fight and the memory is still very painful even for Dooce to talk about.
121. Kourtney said:
Ahhh... what a peacuful sight.. that's how my room looks before I have to start working...
122. Amanda B. said:
Fish- No one is safe from Pooka.
Ancient Chinese Proverb: Blessed are the tickled, for the sphincter of life is easily startled.
123. Colleen from NJ said:
I dig the photo noir. Mysterious, no?
And this POOka game. Much like checking the prostate, no?
Ladybug, I read what you wrote about the Dyson guy. I would like to hear him say "prototype" as I give him a little Pooka.
124. Fish said:
"sphincter of life."
Oh my.
125. Super Turtle Girl said:
Check out the lamp in the background. Reminds me of one in my great grandma's house.
126. Nicole said:
This page never ceases to amaze me and continuously makes me cry tears of extreme laughter.
127. Susie said:
I'm still thinking it's going to be a good storm, a happy storm. Such dark speculations and predictions here; doesn't anyone else LIKE storms? I do. A truly ominous photo doesn't really fit with the moods of the "thinking" and the "how to annoy me" posts today; you know? Actually, the photo is serving as a "projective" -- a little Rorschach test -- we're all seeing what's inside us today.
128. WTF(yes that's what I mean) said:
"POOKA" would mean "justifable homocide" in my household
129. karina said:
no. it's right befoe Leta wakes up!
130. Danika said:
Mouse is back! Missed you!
I think whoever said it was the calm before Leta gets moving is right....
131. Slim said:
Susie: What happy pill are you on?
If the word calm is before the strom then obviously it can't be pleasant.
132. George Lover said:
Here's the dilemma (although I like your thoughts, Susie):
Any of the "storm" moments in most people's lives, (or the calm before them) like the death of a family member, or when your parents divorce, usually don't include photo ops. So it's perplexing. And if we think of "storm" in a more fun-loving way, like a tickle fest, then Dooce's ominous comment this morning doesn't fit.
Yes, I actually do have real work to do.
133. KellyH said:
Fish, typically in Animal Science, you WANT the bulls to breed, not wear condoms, so I don't know nuthin' 'bout no bull condoms.
The bulls that don't become steers, that is. Heh.
134. Fleas said:
Uh...actually...you should know that Avon Skin So Soft actually keeps fleas away too! Just keep Chuck slathered in it and you should be fine all summer...DOESN'T YOUR MOTHER KNOW THESE THINGS????
135. Shiz said:
It's scary what /fleas/ knows.
136. honestyrain said:
i have so many very interesting things to say about your blog today but i am tired and grouchy and so am unable to express myself with any degree of - what - ah feck, i can't even say that i suck today. all is lost. i suck.
you, however, do not.
137. Susie said:
George Lover (and Slim, too) -- but is dooce's comment "ominous" or have we just assigned it that connotation because of the photo? I admit, I'm still thinking Leta because I don't have tiny people in my home at the moment and I find them delightful. But I do remember that when a little one goes from sitting docilely wherever you park them to say, crawling, for example, life goes quickly from calm to storm -- things crash, parents scramble to baby-proof, etc. I wouldn't place any bets on my theory, but it's what I enjoy thinking of just now more than some of the other possibilities presented. (Probably just the happy pills, like Slim says.)
I have work now, too. Hopefully the truth will soon be revealed.
138. Fish said:
I'm sorry, KellyH, the discussion was about bull-semen collection devices, not condoms.
139. LadyBug said:
Colleen from NJ: Hilarious. And though I do have a little crush on the Dyson guy, I'm not sure I'd want to "Pooka" him...better to save such intimacy for the hubby, no?
And Amanda B. -- Every time I read your Ancient Chinese Proverb, I giggle out loud (I'm at work). Every. time. Perhaps I'd better quit re-reading it.
140. The Mighty Jimbo said:
i'm hoping that's a "buddy jesus" lamp,although a "buddy moroni" lamp would be pretty cool too.
141. Iain said:
Is that guy gonna shoot someone?
142. MrsDoF said:
Fish(at comment 80) your lawyer language is showing. Makes me want to pull out the video of TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD.
I'm thinking that the nice, quiet, dark picture up there is the last before we get bombarded with photos of Season Festivities. Which is alright with me, we got nine cards in the snail mail box today.
Celebrate, good times, come on.
143. Colleen from NJ said:
Yes. You are right, of course, LadyBug. Thanks for getting me back on track. It's all these wacky hormones and talk of condoms. You must be getting more sleep than I am.
Sphincter of life...I can't stop that damn helpless chuckling.
Mighty Jimbo, might I ask: what is a buddy Jesus lamp? Is it too late to get one for my mother-in-law?
144. Rembrandt said:
Does this photo resemble Supper at Emmau's or is it just me?
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/images/1553210018/ref=dp_primary-produc...
145. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
Mrs. Fever and I have had many a conjugal relation during episodes of the PBS Kids morning lineup. Shoot, without Zaboomafoo the second kid would never have been conceived in the first place.
146. Fish said:
Jimbo: are youi referring to "the Buddy Christ", ala Dogma?
147. LadyBug said:
Colleen from NJ, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say I probably have NOT had more sleep than you. I've had..._maybe_ 15 hours sleep since last Friday. Too friggin much to do, and the only time to do it all is after the kids go to bed.
I think the sleep deprivation explains my slap-happy, chuckling-out-loud-at-the-slightest-provocation-especially-the-mention-of-the-phrase-"sphincter-of-life" mental state.
148. Amanda B. said:
Johnny Fever, Dude. Parents DO NOT have sex. Ever.
149. closet metrosexual said:
Re: "sphincter of life"
I'll never be able to hear the theme from The Lion King the same way again.
150. Colleen from NJ said:
ok, now I am Laughing. My. Ass. Off.
151. Colleen from NJ said:
And, LadyBug, ooh, girl, you gotta get some zzzs.
152. Venus Man Trap said:
I would'nt mind giving a pooka to those Zaboomafoo brothers.
153. Shiz said:
Fish: We own a Buddy Christ:
http://shiz.typepad.com/journalicious/2004/04/lookie_lookie.html
http://shop.store.yahoo.com/jsbstash/budchrisdass1.html
154. Torph said:
Speaking of lice. When my daughter was in the second grade she got lice at school. I thought, "No big deal." At that time she had beautiful mid-back blond hair. By the time I was through with her she had a short, short (home cut) hair cut. I really wish she would have broken her arm instead. Now that I really could have dealt with!
155. George Lover said:
One word: scabies
156. Shiz said:
George Lover, MUST we be gross?
157. Rorschach said:
She's pregnant.
158. Jenie said:
Oooh...and that's what's up with the mirror picture yesterday...there's going to be another baby in the house!
LoL - just thought I'd add to the conspiracy theory!
159. lulu cornichon said:
gasp.
God bless you, Dooce, if it's true.
Heck, God bless you even if it's not true. You're a peach.
160. Shiz said:
This is how rumors get started!
161. Tom Foolery said:
lol...maybe it will get Heather's attention and she'll elaborate on the 'calm before the storm'.
Only if she wants to elaborate, that is. No pressure.
162. eco2geek said:
De Anderson ladies sing this song,
Boo-bah, boo-bah,
De window's only 17 minutes long,
Oh, boo-bah day.
163. A Fan ~ Jinny said:
Ah..the flea thing. I so totally understand. Eck.
164. dänika said:
did the actual phrase "titanium codpiece" escape his lips? You are a blessed woman.
165. Jennay said:
How to Annoy Heather
Unsolicited hypothesizing.
(guilty.)
166. Caroline said:
Okay, about the lice - my lesbian neighbors have a little girl, and their (not sure which one's) father-in-law lives next door to them, along with the father of the girl, a la his father's basement. Anyway, I came home today to this annoying little girl rollerblading on the sidewalk. With. No. Hair. The father shaved it off. And in my head I was thinking 'Dude, lice shampoo,' and 'it's getting cold.' And then she came up to me and was like 'I had lice so Daddy shaved my head.' And, desperately trying not to laugh, I told her that a lot of famous models have really short hair, and that it's _totally_ the latest style. But oh my god it was funny.
167. Caroline said:
Oh, and just to clarify, the inlaw is the ex inlaw of one of the lesbians. The father of the girl's father. If that makes sense.
168. Caroline said:
Not that anybody cares.
I should get my own blog.
169. d said:
pregnant! again?!
170. Kahli said:
Pregnant, eh? What the hell kind of a storm was it? Goodness...
171. closet metrosexual said:
Pregnant? No wonder she calls it THE POWER.
172. Jenie said:
LoL - time to go home! Really, I hope everything is ok and this isn't something really bad! Can't wait to see tomorrow's pic and I hope for something a little more....upbeat!
173. Amanda B. said:
Wait a minute. Dooce's step father caught lesbian head-lice from a pregnant Britany Spears?
I'm so confused.
174. jessica said:
THE SEX STORM PEOPLE!! GET A CLUE!!
175. Nathan Logan said:
Another incredible photo. Truly.
You really should start putting some of these up for sale.
You have a keen and beauty-capturing eye. And a nice camera.
Keep up the good work (please!)!
176. MrsDoF said:
Caroline (comment 166) that family relationship explanation is so convoluted that I read it three times trying to get it straight. Do you live in West Virginia? because as I understand it, there are some really mixed up families there.
And the lice (which are worse than Fleas) remedy is how my dad fixed our heads the first day of summer I was 7. Buzzed away the hair, applied kerosene with a rag, washed heads with the hose in the yard. Since most of the kids in the neighborhood went to the same school, we all got the same treatment. The school building got fumigated over the summer. The next year, not one case of lice.
177. aic said:
Are lesbians allowed in West Virginia?
178. Lisa said:
I love this site. Where else can you talk about lice and pregnacy and poop in one sentence??
179. Zach said:
Don't forget the West Virginian Lesbians.
180. Mere Scribbler said:
oh my.
this is a minimalist version of Wong Kar-Wai's In the Mood for Love. Seen it?
181. Leon as Joseph Conrad said:
"Come here. Close to me. All that you are now, have been and hold dear is not really you. Remember, there is no more empty and detestable creature in nature than a man who... runs...away...from his demon. No...faith.... No...fear. The horror. The horror."
182. Rebekah said:
If there is nothing ever said again about this photo by Heather I am going to be mad. This is really starting to bother me. Is it supposed to be a cliff hanger?
183. Sue from Ohio said:
I hope everything is OK...
184. j said:
AH! WHAT STORM?! WHYYYY?
185. TracyDee said:
OMG!!! Y'all are oh-so-funny today.... I forgot what I was going to write about the picture :)
186. Amanda B. said:
psssst. everybody. try this.
Dooooce. You are the prettiest lady of all time. You are tall and thin and lovely and my god! How DO you look like that after having a baby?
And you are smart. Very smart and intelligent and eduacable. I mean educated. And you are also very bright and sharp and witty.
Did I say funny...someone should elaborate on Funny...
187. George Lover said:
Is this starting to sound like it's all about us?
188. Leon picking up Amanda's torch and running with it said:
Dooce, you are funnier than a clench fisted revolution against the balled tyranny of Tickledom
Funnier than a frog legged votive candle hucking baby
Who's next?
189. Next said:
Dooce, you are funnier than a limp dick for a windshield wiper . . . (one of my favorites!)
190. Colleen from NJ said:
funnier than a candy-cane-humping pig next to Thanksgiving turkey.
191. Sheryl said:
*Classier than a Shit Ass Ho Muthafucka*
192. the niffer said:
Funnier than a star-spangled floor mat.
Wait. That's not funny.
193. GirlA. said:
*More fun and liberating than a FOUR-DAY POOPING STREAK.*
194. GirlA. said:
More lovely and enigmatic than a dimly lit black and white photo with a foreign subtitle.
195. Amanda B. said:
More purtier than Giselle.
196. GirlA. said:
*Faster than a speeding gazelle!*
Packin.
197. Gia on Guam said:
Cool Red Shoes, Lettuce Boobs & No poop blues.
198. Gia on Guam said:
Cabbage Boobs...I knew I was mistaken as soon as I hit 'post'
199. One of them snarly guys from Oasis said:
She's fuk'n brilliant, that one.
200. krisitne said:
Alyx was 9 months old when I found I was pregnant with Shea.
Is Chuck ready for this? hee hee.
Kidding.
201. espressoblogger said:
A codpiece would do little to protect his reproductive organs. You see, it's not the wang that is the centre of sensitivity, but rather, the family mules. I mean, jewels.
Heh.
A little Far Side reference there.
202. Fran said:
Storms never last, do they baby
Bad times all pass with the wind (even if it's your husband's farting on you)
Your hand in his stills the thunder
And you make the sun want to shine
203. Calm before the stormc said:
I should've been more careful
I should've seen the signs
While all was calm, I guess
I should've read between the lines
So, now I'm standin' in the cold, hard rain
Instead of with you safe and warm
A fool who took your love for granted
In the calm before the storm
204. tiffany said:
I'm really trying to get into the mysteriousness of it all, but all I keep thinking is: Those of you who want to know what the storm is must not have kids. I could be missing something, but when I saw this picture and read the caption, I figured it was a picture taken in the early morning hours before Leta woke up... simply a photo to describe the way a house that has a baby in it takes a deep breath to brace itself for the day.
205. kristine said:
Dooce.com - More comments than Dave Barry's blog.
206. Shiz said:
We love dooce!
207. KFrog said:
So . . . the storm is your period?
Now I'm confused.
208. dj blurb said:
Originator of the titanium codpiece: Greg Proops.
209. juli said:
The storm is metaphorical, it is not any one thing---many things---nothing. It just is.
I stole your daily photo idea. Sue me, I could use the excitement.
210. DeAnn said:
I'm so curious what's going on here. It's, like, killing me!
(Not really. I'm still alive and hope to be for many many years.)
211. Maggie said:
The storm is the period! Dun dun dun, que the dramatic music. Don't worry Dooce, at least it'll all be over with before Christmas. Hurrah for that, right? P.S.-you people are crazy. Pregnant? I think Heather will remove her own hoo-haa before that happens again.
212. Joan said:
Vacuuming the dog isn't so bad, I use the leaf blower to get the dust off my horse!