Behold The Festive Ceramic Pig, Gatekeeper at the Doors of Hell
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
1. ksea said:
Horror!
2. Michael said:
that is amazing. I want it. I need it.
I think I just had a tiny stroke.
Is it humping that candycane?
3. PKD said:
Does anyone else see a pig humping a candy cane?
4. foofer said:
The creepy grin combined with the squinty eyes....pure e-villll.
5. fuzzbean said:
Wow. That is an excresence.
I want to know where she bought it, so I can buy one for all my friends and relatives. Because something that ugly needs to be shared.
6. Danna said:
HAhahha...that's one freaky pig.
7. pismire said:
Screw reindeer. Santa should use pigs.
8. Mary said:
Ohmygoodness. That is HIDEOUS! Where can I get one?
9. yo mama said:
This is the first time I've ever commented. Generally I just lurk but, that pig has gotten me out of lurkdom. I'm sorry but, that pig is JUST WRONG! Wrong in so many ways-(scratching head)(tears forming in eyes). I don't understand it. WHY WHY?
10. jmj said:
I'm scared.
11. lulu cornichon said:
It's a good effort, Pig, but Leta still has you beat in the cheeks department.
12. nance said:
woooah. um. pig decor.
13. allison said:
that thing is the most delightfully tacky piece of flair i have EVER SEEN. classy, in that totally un-classy way.
14. Mo said:
This thing has a WTF factor that is off the charts.
(What IS it doing to that candycane???)
15. Paula said:
Im scared too. Where did you get it? Its almost secret santa time at work, I could give something like that and whoever got it wouldnt even know it was from me. Sometimes Im pure evil.
16. Rachel said:
Awesome piggy!
17. jmj said:
Oh hell yes, Paula. That would be the all time best Secret Santa gift. Mwahaha!
18. trel said:
so care free...
so...
disturbing.
19. Calli said:
I'm terrified. Behind that big grin and squinty eyes lurks a dark motive.
20. Kristine said:
ACK! pig on candy cane, it doesn't get worse.
On a different note. I got to play with the Nikon D70. I will admit...I am not ready for all that it is.
I bought the Kodak 6.1 mp camera yesterday and now I can't wait to get to playing with it. It doesn't scare me like the d70 did.
Dooce...I am not worthy!
21. Benoit said:
**shiver**!!
22. Shocked by the P-I-G said:
holy mother!!! that's one UGLY pig... its definitely put me off candy for a bit (thanks dooce for helping me with my "lose weight" prog)
23. Kath said:
Oh my! Repulsive yet enticing.
24. Shocked by the P-I-G said:
oh and whats worse than the pig???
THOSE TYRES!!!!!!!!
Kristine.. i bought a Kodak 6.1 mp yday as well and i've already started clicking away.. gran's toe nails, my dog's teeth... very "artistic"
25. Kit said:
o.k. so no one else sees a big fat hairy hand choking a pigs head?
huh? no one?
26. honestyrain said:
crap sandwiches. the thing i can't believe is that you've ever been near enough to take a picture of such a thing. i cannot imagine such an encounter in my regular life. you must be living an exceptional existence Heather B Armstrong.
27. DG said:
>o.k. so no one else sees a big fat hairy hand choking a pigs head?
I sees it.
The pig doesn't mind.
He's getting his jollies from the candycane.
Pigs can orgasm for 30 minutes, or so I've heard.
Ask him again in half an hour.
28. bk0 said:
sweet creamy jesus i lost my appitite.
29. Sheryl said:
Nevermind all of you decor snobs.
I have a serious problem with the fact this pig must've appeared at the Thanksgiving table or buffet...
It is the WRONG HOLIDAY.
*The pig should be blowing a pilgrim, not humping a candy cane.*
30. Sheryl said:
And for the sake of hot boiling diarrhea! The plates next to the Horny Holiday Pig do not even match!
I thought your mommy was the Avon World Sales Leader.
31. Kristine said:
I'm not the only one who had the camera bug this weekend! yay! I got the Easy Share DX7630. I am taking pictures of some pretty weird things too. Not of weird pigs dry humping a candy cane though.
My mom calls the camera 'fancy shmansy'
Is it wrong to want to cuddle with your camera?
32. DM said:
I think for me it's not so much the pig as it is the title. Heather, you so rock. The title makes it that much creepier.
I see a very successful career for you in abstract art.
33. Shiz said:
Hee. Funny.
34. Carrie said:
All I can say is that I just stared, mesmerized, wondering, "why, God, why?"
35. Meggan said:
I'm afraid all over the place. That pig is the epitome of hideousness. And, what's worse, he is privy to the horror that is Christmas decorations BEFORE the end of Thanksgiving.
36. Janis said:
Great. I'm going to have nightmares tonight.
A pig humping a candy cane on a cloud or is it snow?
*shudder* Skeery pig indeed!
Bring back the Leta pictures. Those don't skeer me!
37. so confused said:
why
38. Badger said:
But what is it *for*? Is it a door stop? A table centerpiece? A toy for children you don't particularly like? What?
39. GirlA said:
Blunt force trauma.
It's a club for knocking the turkey or pig (it is decorated for Christmas after all) unconscious prior to butchering.
Or perhaps for outright bludgeoning, if family small talk goes awry, hence the Gates of Hell reference.
40. termagaunt said:
A rousing YES to the big fat hand, and yes to the candy-cane pole-dancing-- my pre-caffeinated glimpse left me with a "what in bloody christ's name is that lucian freud bastardisation of a hand-pig getting his rocks off with a lolly?" (The mind is reduced to childhood slang when pre-coffee'd) This photo makes me want a job in psychoanalysis-- I don't know what to think when I'm reminded that this thing was born of SOMEONE'S MIND.
41. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
That's exactly the same face I make when I'm humping a candy cane. And that raises an important question: what's the white stuff underneat the candy cane? Please, God, let it be snow.
42. sweetney said:
wow. very nearly as demonic as the one in The Amityville Horror!
kudos to your mom for her excellent infernal taste in tchotchkes. tell her to take a look at the work of Hieronymous Bosch for further inspiration.
43. Jenny said:
Wow. Uh, that is really wrong.
44. Roxy Peppermint said:
But have you ever felt the effects of peppermint on your umm, hoo ha? Like when they clean the pole with pinesol. ouch.
45. Susie said:
I too, am frightened . . . yet, I cannot look away. And please do tell us where such a creature can be had. This would so take care of a number of in-laws on my gift list.
46. Sheryl said:
Telle Stein Xmas Pig on Candy Cane Sleigh Ride Statue
Quick! 3 hours and 53 minutes and counting on the auction!
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=7116011197
47. the niffer said:
And Fish isn't here to enjoy this. What a cryin shame.
48. Colleen from NJ said:
that Christmas pig from hell scared the bejesus out of me. My constipation problem? Solved.
49. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
They also make a Jewish version of that decoration. It's a circumcised pig. He has converted and been called to the Torah for his Bar Mitzvah. He's riding a piece of Gefilte Fish and wearing a yarmulke instead of that cap.
50. Colleen from NJ said:
Sheryl, I genuflect. How did you find that, and for only 25 bucks?
Let's start bidding!
51. Michael said:
I hope Leta doesn't have to see this thing on a daily basis. Poor little thing...
52. Maria said:
Wondering: How many commenters will actually bid on the candycane humping pig before the Ebay auction is over?
53. Sheryl said:
Colleen, online research is part of my job - I can find data under a rock, if it's on the web.
I searched Google with these terms: pig ceramic christmas OR xmas "candy cane"
And if you can't make that auction, you can find other Telle Stein stuff by searching under Decorative Collectibles:
http://search.stores.ebay.com/search/search.dll?query=telle+stein&sacate...
I can't actually buy figurines. They make me violent. I have a fantasy of visiting my sister's house with a ballpeen hammer and seeing how much damage I can do in 90 seconds. I've actually acted it out,going from room to room, waving a wiffle bat in mock destruction - when I've been over there babysitting and got bored after the girls went to bed.
The Hummels were quivering in their plastic cases.
54. Jenny said:
That thing is going to give me nightmares. There are just so many things wrong with that ..... *shudder*. My mother is a ceramic figurine ADDICT. I'm not sure, but I think that's where my fear comes from....
55. Colleen from NJ said:
Sheryl, I share your violent tendencies. My mom has Precious Moments prominently displayed. I write nasty messages behind pictures hung on the wall to keep my rage in check. It's worked for 20 years so far.
56. Karen Rani said:
Dr. Johnny Fever - I think I just peed my pants.
57. Kahli said:
Isn't that the guy who was always opening the drapes/curtains for the other guy on Twin Peaks? Those green drapes/curtains?
Or, wasn't he sitting next to the bed on the dead girl's floor in Mulholland Drive?
58. Kahli said:
Sheryl:
Sometimes an eclectic dinner setting is preferred, it is "funky" and "chic" maybe even "fresh"
I was going to work at a swanky little restaurant in Park City which makes a point of having mismatched dinner plates. "How funky! I feel so fashion forward after dinner tonight! Ronnie,let's do it in the shower."
59. Alex said:
Why does that hand have a pig head growing out of it?
60. Kahli said:
Actually, didn't they pull it out of the victim's gaping stomach wound on L&O SVU last week?
61. The Mighty Jimbo said:
pretty soon and your living room will be filled with little collectible elvis plates and hummel figurines.
62. Paula said:
I had to come back for another look, and yep, still scares me. No bidders on ebay either. I wonder why?. heh.
63. Sheryl said:
Kahli, I was being 100% facetious :)
(...hope people know that. Unless people think that Jewish fols would use pigs in decoration as suggested by the good Doctor above)
64. Tracy said:
Sheryl - damn, girl, nice detective work. I saw an equally, um, festive companion piece involving a bear straddling a salmon. Go where you will with that one...
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=29435&item=711601...
65. christilee said:
Very Pretty...
66. elswhere said:
That pig has relatives here.
67. elswhere said:
Okay, *that* didn't work. Here's the link to the pig's friends and relations:
http://www.candyboots.com/wwcards.html
68. Chloe said:
Does no one else notice how filthy that pigs ears are? They're black in the crevices... that is one dirty pig.
I, too, wonder why no one has bid on that delightful e-bay pig yet. Come on, people-- open up your wallets for our satan piggie!
69. Lactivist said:
Oh my god. That is hideous. Where can I get one?!
70. Heatheranne said:
It obviously is enjoying a 30 minute orgasm induced by the peppermint on it's "hooha". Wouldn't you?
71. jelene said:
MMMMMM I see a BBQ dinner and a candy cane for desert.
72. christy said:
I also saw the hairy hand with a pig head attached to it.
We have a term for these Grandma-craft decorations: Shit on a Stick. Like the stuff available at craft fairs that is usually embellished with hearts or angels and almost always utilizes some kind of "homespun charm." It all makes me want to throw up - and my mother's house is full of it.
That and Cherished Teddies figurines which make me start to twitch with rage.
73. GMM said:
Heatheranne- "hooha"?!! LOL
That is a one creepy looking figurine. The third world slave labourer who painted that thing has no idea...
74. Amanda said:
Why? WHY?!
75. slick said:
did you get that at the christmas tree shop?
it frightens me.
76. lulu cornichon said:
Yeah, Christy-- they're not Arts and Crafts Fairs, they're Arts and Craps Fairs.
And as a crapster--sorry--crafter--sorry--*artist* myself, I wish there was some kind of "teddy bear free" designation for the fairs that actually have nice work...
On the other hand, I've halfway considered going over to the dark side to make some serious money with santa-hatted ceramic puppies. Under a nom-de-crap, of course.
77. Kahli said:
Sheryl: so was I.
Have a good Sunday everyone, Imust submit to the Academic Overlords and finish my "tasks"... they threatened me with the pig!
78. Sheryl said:
Do you know the way to use eBay?
Telle Stein Xmas Pig on Candy Cane Sleigh Ride Statue
US $24.99 0 Bids
1 hour 14 mins and counting!
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=7116011197
79. Another one said:
There's a companion ornament by the same "artist" A pig dancing with candy cane over shoulder. One can only assume he's doing a happy dance once he finished doing the deed.
"http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=34154&item=2287376481&rd=1&ssPageName=WDVW"
80. ella's ma said:
I don't know whether to avert my eyes or run right out and buy one for myself.
81. Stephanie said:
What the hell is that? That is mighty scary looking.
82. Marla said:
SCARY LARRY.
83. Lindsey said:
Holy shit, that's the scariest side a pork I've ever seen! Did Leta run (crawl) screaming from the house?
84. Gia on Guam said:
I knew it was a sled and not a pig humping a candy cane...for shame...you dirty minded doocaholics! :P Even tho I read "ceramic" I thought it was a good luck peppermint pig...
http://www.harringtonham.com/prod.cfm/cid/11/pid/102/pp/1
Granted it isn't, but perhaps a hammer should be taken to it anyway.
85. Moxie said:
That pig has ear mites.
86. sheryl said:
That pig is about as festive as an infected anal fistula...and just about as appetizing. I think that sow could be used for appetite control...and WORK!
87. Angie M said:
If I wake up screaming in the night (again) I'm blaming that pig!
88. Karen said:
Now that's just WRONG.
89. Helen said:
My first reaction was "Oh, it could be worse..." I am fearful that some deep dark part of me actually likes it.
90. Amanda B. said:
Mighty Jimbo- you got elvis plates??
91. Sheryl said:
I was wondering the same thing -
and does Mighty Jimbo have Elvis Plates, as in dinnerware...?
Or does he have Elvis Plates as in customized license plates, hanging in the Livin' Room...?
92. bee said:
oh. my. god.
i should have sheilded my eyes!! that is effing scary, and yet, hilarious.
93. Carol said:
Yes!!! Quite a sight to jolt us out of our triptophan haze. The worst pig figurine ever!
DG - that was the first thing I saw - a big scary hand!!!
Not to worry Dooce. You are not alone in the mother-sometimes-has-bad-taste world. I, too, am a survivor.
Hello everyone. Glad to see everyone had a good Thanksgiving. Now, all we need to hear is that DL didn't have the guppy on the highway.
Baby boy is wailing. Ahhh.... reality is back.
: )
94. Amanda B. said:
Pig says, in Antonio Banderas accent, "Oh yes my swirly, sugary confection, take it. Take it like theese, and like theese!"
I'm just saying, I've been looking for a first edition velvet Elvis for years. You know, the one with the tear streaming down his cheek. Hard to find, imagine that.
95. patswin10-1 said:
the pig - let me tell you about kinky pig - a fun fraternity story - a young suckling was acquired by the pledges - he stunk of course and required a bath - the pledges got generous with the soap/shampoo and Kinky was quickly slick as the wet leaves you power slid into on your bike as a kid - the site of the pledges continuously losing their grips on Kinky was a hoot - not for Kinky of course - the story ends happily as Kinky returned safely home a few days later...still a virgin
96. Carol said:
Hey Amanda B!!
I also am a southern girl and luv the accent, honey! Hope you had a good holiday.
I was talking all kinds of shit to my Grandmama about "Fo Shizzle" and "Lucius Pusey" and don't you know that crazy 86-year-old broad was running away with dat shit. Well, not really. Her hearing aids weren't working, but I know she enjoyed it just the same.
97. Amanda B. said:
Carol- howdy darlin. You crack me up. Our holiday was wonderful, hope yours was too. Squeese the babyboy for me!
98. Carol said:
Hey Amanda B.!
No way, honeydollsugarpie, you crack ME up!!
Hubby was on tonight - what a fucking coup!! So not an internet guy. "After all, I'm a very serious laywer, and I do not have time for this." He actually posted!! He is "patswin10-1" and quite funny I think.
We spent the entire day dealing with kids and putting up Christmas stuff. So now we're drinking. So apologies for whatever happens tonight !! Woo hooo. Let the games begin.
Hope y'all are game for some good commenting. Anyone? Anyone? Beuller?
Dooce? Are you there?
99. Sheryl said:
Hey, y'all -
I'm here. I'm no southern girl, but can I hang out with y'all anyway?
100. Carol said:
Fuck yeah!
Hey Sheryl- I asked you this question earlier (a couple of days ago) but don't know if you read it...
Do you live in Boston? Because I lived in Cambridge for about 6 years!! My husband is from Providence. Hence the insanity - Ha! : )
So glad you are on!!
101. Sheryl said:
Yeah, I live in Chelsea, just northeast of Boston... I work in the financial district.
Does your hubby have "the accent"?
102. Margaret said:
So, that's where pork flavored candy canes com from!!!!
103. Carol said:
Well, that would have to be a big ole YES!!
When two worlds collide!...
My husband is Nicky and his brothers are Jimmy and Eddie and his sister are Maria and Eve. Good old Catholic Italian and Irish mix. Fucked up for sure, but they sure can COOK!!
(I am about the most Southern, spoiled Daddy's girl there is.)
So, "Nicky": A big family, lots of kids. Fun. But the thing that cracks me up is they say, "I'll COOOOL you" (read "call"). Otherwise, everything is completely off kilter. Culture clash beyond belief.
But... LOVED Boston. I lived in Cambridge my entire stay there (worked in Wenham, MA at an advertsiing agency). And Nick, I mean Nicky, went to law school at Suffolk. If that's not fucking Boston, I don't know what is!!
How are things up there? Is the Big Dig finished? God, what a project!!
Tell me what, young lady.
104. jenn said:
that is horrid horrid Why Dooce WHY??? PLEASE MAKE IT GO AWAY. I am loosing sleep tonight thanks to you!
tee hee
105. blondzila said:
Ok, I just checked out the eBay site of the big and from the ass end picture, that is just wrong. Just fucking wrong. I think I'm going to go throw up my nachos now.
106. Carol said:
Ok, for whomever, while I'm waiting for Sherly to answer and because I've got jumpy fingers...
I'm listening to The Lemonheads. And Evan Dando is HOT. Just disagree. Just do it. I dare you!!!
107. Carol said:
OK, I'm drunk and laughing my ass off (but I guess that would be LMAO), but I meant Sheryl, not Sherly!!
Ha.. hahahahahah. Bwah...ahahahahha.
Sorry.
108. Sheryl said:
Things are pretty good in Beantown... I have been here for 7 years now. My BF moved here from NY state about 4 years ago. He's an engineer. I'm a goober. I mean, I am a business analyst.
I love living here, the seasons, the city being not so big that you can't get around easily, great live music, wonderful museums, good restaurants. The Big Dig is NOT done, and may never be.
I work in the first tower inside of the bay, across the street from the Harbor Hotel. Outside my building, they have torn down Rt 93, so there is the beginning stages of being able to see the sky from the ground. Can't wait for the time when it's all parks (unless they build more stores, which we don't need). There are a lot of leaks in one of the new tunnels, which is a big scandal.
I moved here from Ithaca NY to be near my sister and her family when my 13 year relationship broke up. I was an artist in a previous life and started in technology - because what other line of work can you start doing that will make you financially independent in one year?
109. Sherly (aka Sheryl) said:
Hmmm, Evan Dando... I guess he's ok.
(Ducking)
110. Carol said:
Can't believe they have a LEAK!!!! So pissed. And I don't even live there anymore. I mean it so DISRUPTED (is that a word?) peoples' lives. Ugh!! I really hate the big dig. I lived there when it was just beginning. It sucked, huge!!
Anyway, I do miss Boston, but mostly my AWESOME friends at work at Mullen Advertising. So many great people. Such a great city. I know exactly where you work.
We're going to be up there for Christmas and can't wait to be in the cold and hopefully snow. Fo Shizzle. I mean it.
That's the thing I miss most. The seasons. We ski. A lot.
What's Ithaca like? And 13 years? that's a long time. Give it up (the story), sistah. But only if you want.
Oh, and I used to be an artist. But now I'm an "art director".
So glad you're in New England. A place I know so well.
111. Carol said:
Yeah, you better duck.
112. Sheryl said:
Carol,
They have many leaks. And flooding. They say it may take 10 years to repair the leaks in that one tunnel.
I work for a good company myself but I am seriously thinking of doing something else. Hence the NaNoWriMo thing and other side projects.
Do you like being an art director?
Ithaca is a very sweet little village, and very idyllic in many ways. But it is also full of white upper middle class academics, and half full of uneducated service people. That part sucked. One of my minors in college was Working Class Consciousness. We were there because my ex got a job as a prof at Cornell. There were people there I loved, and wonderful gorges, and we lived right next to a beautiful bird sanctuary, but I think the place would have been too small for me even if the relationship had continued.
That story: I was 18 and fell madly in love with my little brother's best friend. We stuck together like glue. He went to undergrad in Santa Cruz, I worked in retail and painted and wrote. When I was 24, we moved east to Roch NY - he went to grad school and I went to undergrad. We moved to Ithaca, and bought a house after a couple of years. Then he basically had a breakdown and I gave up. It was for the best.
We should email if you want more details (hell we should email anyway girl)...
So what was the hair of the dog, err, umm pig tonight? Do you work from home?
113. wixlet said:
woah.
114. Carol said:
Well, you are just smart people. I kind of am... went to Vanderbilt. Only saying that so you know you're not talking to a complete idiot. Although I probably misspelled something somewhere.
"Then he basically had a breakdown and I gave up. It was for the best".... this is me right... about... now! Only, sadly, we're talking about my husband and I have two kids.
My email is.. do I dare give it out because I don't know any other way (although I'm sure there's another secret "Dooce" way), but it's funisgood37@yahoo.com. There I did it. Is that so wrong? If it is...I'll erase it. Ha!!
So, Sheryl, write me and we will continue.
And the hair of the dog is kids, husband, lonely mother, lonely wife, but HAPPY girl.
Does that make sense?
115. different kim said:
carol, evan dando isn't so hot anymore- too much partying (ducking and running)...
116. Carol said:
different kim-
maybe not, but i'm listening to "car, button something or other...it's all I have of him. Don't really know him. It's probably from about 1988, but love it anyway. And back then wasn't he pretty hot?
Living in the Past.....
117. Busy Mom said:
I went to Vanderbilt. Am I kind of smart, too? This has got nothing to do with the pig, huh?
118. Sheryl said:
You got moxie, different kim.
I almost decided to sign different sheryl earlier but I didn't. Another sheryl wrote about anal fistulars or something and I din't want people thinking I was getting that gross in between my other posts.
But I had to admire that other sheryl's cajones.
Who's the other kim? How did you choose the letter M on your Kimblahg for your list of things to be thankful for?
119. Sheryl said:
I'm sure the person who marketed the pig was from Vanderbilt too.
Actually I don't know what Vanderbilt is, had to look it up on the web. And I am not so smart.
Hey, I didn't say I went to Cornell or got a job there, I slept with a guy who became a prof there and helped him balance his checkbook. (And ok, I loved him)
lol
120. Carol said:
Ok, you people are cracking me UP!! Sheryl did you get my pic? Well, that's me sistah!!
Vanderbilt rocks. Evan Dando rocks!! And all of you suck because you actually might think that I think so. Because I don't.
Where are my cigarettes?
Bring it on. I'm ornery tonight!! : )
121. Sherly (aka Sheryl) said:
Busymom - can I quote your weblog?
Hilarious.
*hel·la·cious (heh-lay-shus):-adj. of or about taking a Christmas card photo.*
Never liked it. There are like 10 pictures of me on Santa's lap and with my sibs frowning, during Christmas pictures. Even when my parents hired a photographer to come to the house. Which I am sure they could not afford. I just took it upon myself to spit at strangers who told me to smile.
Do y'all know Dooce? Like in person? I just learned Vanderbilt is in Tennessee and I already knew Heather B Hamilton was from Memphis.
Ok, I knew she was from either Tennessee or Kentucky because I continue to get the two states mixed up. But I am just operating in good faith here.
Is my admission akin to asking my local convenience store owner if she ever met Ghandi? or Salman Rushdie? - Ok, I didn't say that in real life, but my mother did when she visited here.
I did just ask if you Vanderbilt ladies know Dooce in person - is it just as bad?
122. Sherly said:
Carol. Have not recieved your pic in my gmail, umm, box. Tempted to make whip-bearing over-controlling S&M joke here. But that would be too strange...
123. Carol said:
OK, Sherly, sorry, can't help it...
pic should be there now. full glory. That's me. sunburned. but me nonetheless.
you are so funny. vanderbilt (which is actually a very nice university) is in nashville... 4 hours from memphis. long way. not the same. but it's like saying that long island is the same as providence,... oh, wait ... it is! : ) see? ha ha ha kidding. big difference.
BTW... love crappy off-color jokes. as long as they are really bad.... or good. god, i'm a little drunk. like a little pregnant.
124. Amy said:
That thing is ten flavors of WRONG. Is candycane humping legal in Utah ?
125. Sheryl said:
Amy,
I think thou dost protest too much.
Candy humping is not illegal, is it?
126. Carol said:
BusyMom-
Well, that all depends....
what year did you graduate from Vanderbilt?
did you join a sorority?
were you a little sister in a fraternity?
do you have/did you have blonde hair?
are you a size 4 or under?
Only THEN will you know if you are smart or not.
Love and peace. Go Dores!!!!
127. Heather said:
Hey Heather, I bet you big $$$ that Leta will start moving around, if not fully crawling,once she see's that beautiful piney god known as a Christmas tree. It's always like that, the thing you don't want her to get into, she will want the most. Last year my son was only 4 months old and he was trying so hard to drag his potato sack body across the room to pull off anything he could reach on the tree. Good luck and by the way, that pig is damn scary!
128. Sheryl said:
Dooce,
if your Mom can put out unmatched plates, you can use the unmatching rocking chair pair on your front porch, right?
Besides, didn't the Powers That Be decide like 3 years ago that lipstick, nails and toenails don't all have to match, and Indeed, They Should Not Match?
(As I was recently reminded of at a wedding)
129. kitchen remodel said:
dooce-
just looked through your kitchen remodel pics, hadn't come across them before. anyway, did you get a shiny new stainless range to go with all your other pretty appliances? just curious and a bit jealous, beautiful remodel!
130. juli said:
Did you find that at an auction? Did you actually *bid* on it?
131. Karen Rani said:
Awww - you got your tree....we're going to do that next weekend. I can't wait. This will be Thomas' first Christmas too.
BTW Heather - please visit my brand new blog if you get time....Thomas and Dylan are pictured there so you can see who I'm constantly bragging about!
Hugs,
Karen
132. Charlotte said:
Oh god, I thought it was a wolf's hand grabbing the pig and squeezing the life out of it, in manner of The Three Little Pigs. HOW SICK AM I?
133. DeAnn said:
That thing is totally weird. And also? I want one.
134. MrsDoF said:
This evening I watched A Christmas Carol on NBC with Kelsey Grammer. It was weird to hear Sideshow Bob's voice singing about family and Christmas.
The Nikon D70 commercial came on about a half dozen times. Another weird was that I kept expecting to see Chuck and Jon bounding across the screen. The Dooce really should be getting a commission for that camera.
135. GirlA. said:
MrsDoF, I am dying to know what Dof means!
136. Matthew said:
Eek.
137. Here we are as in olden days said:
Have yourself a merry little christmas
Let your heart be light
From now on
Our troubles will be out of sight
Have yourself a merry little christmas
Make the yuletide gay
From now on
Our troubles will be miles away
*Here we are as in olden days*
Happy golden days of yore
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more
Through the years we all will be together
If the fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough
And have yourself a merry little christmas now
*Here we are as in olden days*
Happy golden days of yore
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more
Through the years we all will be together
If the fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough
And have yourself a merry little christmas now
138. faith said:
Enjoy your tree! It could be the last for a while. We won't be getting one this year because now that Jacob can walk it would be ...oh... 5 seconds before a mountain of tree, blinking lights and pretty shards of glass gave in to his little tugging hands and descended upon him.
139. kim said:
i grew up in a household with three kids and we ALWAYS had a REAL tree and REAL candles. and the house never burned down.. that's the spirit, baby. noone over here has a fake plastic tree. nobody! i wouldn't wanna miss that perfect smell and the needles all over the place for months either. merry..
140. julian said:
what the hell is it sitting on?
Pig On Candy?
141. Amanda said:
I had a real tree once. It was Christmas 99, and 3 friends and I had moved into our house only about 2 weeks earlier.
A friend and I were driving around the streets of Sydney in the late hours of Christmas Eve and happened upon a florist that was selling real trees. They had closed for the night and left the unsold trees standing up against the wall.
We pulled over, jumped out, opened the car door and jammed one of the sad looking trees into the back seat before screeching away at high speed laughing like elves on crack.
When we got home we realised that we didnt own any decorations so we dressed the tree in coloured plastic clothes pegs and pieces of tin foil.
It died within a few days and stayed there, brown and stinky, needles all over the damn place until the following March when the lardlord wanted to do an inspection and in a panic we threw it out onto the sidewalk a few doors down.
There were still needles in the back seat of my car when I sold it 2 years later.
142. kevlars said:
hi there.
this is completely unrelated, but I read your site fairly regularly and when I saw http://www.lehi.com/ I thought you'd like the link.
143. merleb said:
Okay - first that pig scares the crap outta me and when I have a sec I will read the 137 comments about it.
Second - the basement is where you keep all the stuff you will eventually put in your "country house" or "lake house" or "cabin in the woods" or Leta's apartment. God. Don't you know anything?
144. nama said:
MrsDoF & GirlA: In Afrikaans (my native language) 'dof' means slow/stupid but I'm sure DoF and dof has very different meanings...
145. Joan said:
It's all in the eye of the beholder. I collect pig things. Have thousands of pig things in my house. Would love to have that pig thing in my house.
146. Another Sheryl said:
I can answer the MrsDoF question, as I have had the pleasure of meeting the Mr. & Mrs. personally. Her husband has a blog at http://www.decrepitoldfool.com/, DoF for short!
147. honestyrain said:
this pig frightens me. why is this pig still here. i am going to cry. please make this pig go away. please.
148. Lisa said:
I have been laughing out loud for at least three full minutes. Everyone in my office is laughing at this pig. We LOVE this pig humping the candy cane.
I googled it to see if I could find one, because I, too, want a candy cane humping pig that will sit on my table at mealtime. Couldn't find it, but I did find this other pig doing 'interesting' procedural things near a Christmas tree (poor horsie): http://www.frognirvana.com/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?store_code=FN&screen=P....
Happy Monday all,
Lisa
149. Paula said:
That pig hasnt left yet?? ahhh!
Carol and Sheryl, I was just reading your comments, you 2 are funny!
Im from Boston too, isnt that "wicked cool"?.
lol..Im soo "retahded" sometimes.
150. IHateToast said:
personally, i like peppermint candy canes with just a hint of ham-ass. it's yum. like hickory smoked chocolate.
we didn't get a real christmas tree this year. i'm not home for christmas and as we found 3....THREE faux palm trees at a garage sale (the joys of living in Queensland, Australia), we decorated our christmas palm with chili lights. Santa visits our house in a speedo and flipflops.
151. annelise said:
it's just not right! the pig, that is... 'tis turkey season. a turkey should be humping the candycane with an evil beady-eyed grin. yuk!
152. Mandi said:
Oh. My. God. That is the creepiest thing I have ever seen.
153. Sherri said:
Oh please post a new pic soon. The pig is giving me the willies.
154. Em said:
The festive pig is so cute!
155. Colleen from NJ said:
make the pig go away. please.