Drunkenstein smoking a carrot
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Heather talks about overcoming depression on today's Momversation.
- Leta: "STOP FOLLOWING ME, COCO!"
I wonder where she picked up that exclamation.
- Me: "Hey Marlo, here's a vibrantly colored, squeaky toy made specifically for your age group!"
Marlo: "Got any knives?"
- @makeandtakes my pleasure! Had a great time with you guys!
1. Colleen said:
homegrown?
2. liz said:
is it me or does it look like Drunkenstein is wearing earrings? or, rather, an earring.
3. ereed said:
with a sippy cup to to wash that homegrown carrot down.
4. Brooke said:
The thumbnail of this picture scared the crap out of me.
5. Rachel said:
I love the lighting in that picture.
6. Ali said:
My boyfriend was Frankenstein last year... and that, too, morphed into drunkenstein. Since we are bored college students and have nothing better to do, I painted his face green...and as I was the Bride of Frankenstein, my face was white with a bit of blood around my mouth.
By the end of the night the green shit was all over my face because Drunkenstein got a little too friendly.
7. taryn said:
unfiltered carrots give you that nice mellow buzz...
8. brooke r said:
i love that painting in the background. did a friend do it?
9. stella said:
love the sippycup.
10. Em said:
That Frankenstein. He's wacky.
11. kEma said:
I bet Drunkenstein had a few glasses of ...... ummm carrot juice, before taking the picture
Ayyy, scary!
12. Kimberley H. said:
Were you anything for Halloween, Dooce?
13. Human Writes said:
Looks like he's copping a healthy buzz from whatever he was drinking out of that sippy cup in front of him. Was it breastmilk? That shit gets me wasted, too.
14. Alison said:
Lighting / wall colour co-ordination for the carrot plus halloween?!
15. Chris From Ohio said:
There may have been a rap song about this... Rolling down the street, smoking carrots, sipping on sippy cups.
16. TracyDee said:
Nice Halloween coloring... very orange :)
17. Angie said:
It starts with an innocent carrot, but where will it all end? Before you know it he'll be on the hard stuff and selling your family silver for a hit of broccoli.
Just say no!
18. lady quicksilver said:
Chris from Ohio, you just made my monday bright. Laid back...
19. Anita said:
Heather--
I'm a breastfeeding (bf) mom of a 4 month old, and after accidentally misjudging the size of my bodacious tatas I whacked them into a doorjamb this weekend. I'm ready to trade in the D's for my old size A's and never, ever complain again.
I have only known one other woman with smaller breasts than I, she being 5'0 and 95 lbs.
20. Liz said:
So, Drunkenstein is drinking...from Leta's sippy cup?
21. Sherman said:
what is garrison keillor doing in Utah?
22. MrsDoF said:
for Liz at comment 2
I don't think that is an earring. It looks like the bolt thingy that holds on the head of Fr...um..Drunkenstein, and is part of the mask. You know the Original was made of body parts stolen from graves, so they had to hold together somehow.
23. Sue From Ohio said:
Was Drunkenstein (THAT'S DRUNKENSHTEEN!) drinking out of that sippy cup? BAAHAHAHAAA
24. Sue From Ohio said:
Sherman...BAHAHAHAAAAA Good One!!!!
(forgive my negligence in adding this to my previous post....)
25. liminalspace said:
I've seen that pose before... but it was a three-year-old, and it was not "I'm gonna smoke this carrot" but "I'm gonna stick this carrot up my nose unless you come chase me for a little while."
26. shelli said:
I like the sippy cup in the corner, nice composition! :)
27. Krystal said:
highly amusing, those carrots are some strong stuff.
from the thumbnail, I thought you had met William Defoe, oops.
28. MrsDoF said:
Speaking as a former 13-year-old size 34C, admiration would go up several notches for Aunt Heather who acknowledges and bolsters the esteem of the blooming young woman behind the nice knockers. Believe me, her girlfriends and smartass guys have already noticed. She's gonna need a doting Auntie at her side. And I would hope she has a strong Mom on the other.
Whewee, makes me glad we raised sons at our house, and they usually treat their ladies pretty good.
Your family stories are the Best!
29. erin said:
Garrison Keilor...ROTFLMAO!!
30. George Lover said:
Anita-haven't heard the phrase "bodacious tatas" in awhile, but it made me laugh outloud!
31. Shiz said:
Hee hee. That picture is awesome.
All *my* husband does is dress up like Kermit the Frog on acid.
Crazy drunkenstien.
32. Jeff said:
I am sure the carrots are a pretty good smoke, but think of all the weed(s). :) Sorry, I could not help myself.
Jeff
33. Heather said:
Ok so if he's Drunkenstein Cheech then you must have been Dracula Chong. Puff puff give. LMAO
34. dooce said:
you should all just know that Drunkenstein is a GREAT kisser.
35. robin said:
Love the sippy cup. Although, alcohol doesn't pour out of that fast enough.
36. Amanda B. said:
Oooooh, I lurve Garrison Keillor.
I'm with Brooke, that thumbnail was freakin scary. I was afraid the caption was gonna be, "This is my great aunt Edna at her 113th birthday party. Isn't she precious?"
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh.
37. Fish said:
re: "you should all just know that Drunkenstein is a GREAT kisser."
sarcastic... obscene... latex... joke... comment... overload...!!!!
38. Redsie said:
Wow! Drunkenstein looks a helluva lot like Ronald Reagan (R.I.P, Gipper).
Making out with men in costume is fun.
39. Lena said:
Great photo, as usual, but again, let's talk wings. So, you find that the bleu cheese is a better choice than the ranch? I, for one, believe that the ranch offers a superior cooling effect to the bleu cheese, but alas, that is me.
If you don't stop talking about the wings, dooce, I'm going to have to blow this regimen I call a diet and go on a wing bender.
40. heidi said:
Once, at a party, I watched two friends of mine make a rockin' pipe using a large carrot, a cordless drill, and a small piece of window screen material.
41. Drama Queen said:
The title makes me giggle every time I read it. That coupled with the actual picture should leave me rolling for a while.
42. Michelle said:
Who knew Frankenstein drank out of a sippy cup????
43. Stacy said:
how come when you take a partially blocked picture it has that great stalker appeal, but when I do it, it just looks like I'm a moron who doesn't know to step away from the damn wall?
44. Caroline said:
I just wanted to give a drunken 'shout out' to George; if he lived in Ohio I'd be all over him. Call me.
45. Lori said:
That is a very cool painting!
46. Caroline said:
*puts hand resembling phone up to ear*
47. Human Writes said:
As a resident of vanilla, prefabricated Orange County, CA, which you so perfectly described today, I just want to say one thing: it's better than Fresno.
48. Amanda B. said:
George, you might want to give Caroline a ringy dingy.
49. annakay said:
speaking of george, saturday night i dreamed that he was at my (yes, mormon) church on sunday morning. i almost went, just to see if he'd show up. been to minneapolis lately, george?
50. timothy said:
what is in the sippy cup?
51. George said:
Maybe if I had a PHONE NUMBER! PS I used to live about 30 minutes from the Ohio River in good ol' Maysville Kentucky.
52. Dawn said:
The Utah pics are fantastic! The last one of the Chuckmeister looks like he kicked off his sneakers and is waiting for his foot spa. The one of djblurb driving ... if Leta were a guy that would be her on fastforward - their likeness is incredible.
53. Leon as John Cougar Mellenkamp said:
This goes out to Chris from Ohio who got these wheels in my head turning...
....everbody think "Jack and Diane"
Toking on a carrot stick, dressed up like Frankenstein
Knocking back my sippy cup, gunna drink what I please
Oh yeah, the life of Jon
My wife dressed up the dog again
Won't be surprised when poor Chuckles is gone
54. Michael said:
RE: Thinking ...
You know, size is not important.
Unless you're a man.
55. Heather 2 said:
Hey heidi -
When we were desperate, we'd use a pototo!
56. Melanie S said:
I can see him trying to make out with you THROUGH the mask making mumbled moaning sounds. *shudders*
Heather, don't feel bad about the boobies thing. I'm 5'7 , Full B's (not exactly bodacious tatas, but they'll do) and a size 8 shoe. I have a 12 year old that has me beat with C's, size 9.5 shoes and is catching up to me in height. I'm going to have to BEAT the boys off of her pretty soon.
57. Carla said:
George is so hot right now.
58. Kim said:
You brought back memories with the Wise Man/Foolish Man song... Used to sing it all the time at church when I was little!
59. Amber said:
Same here. Those were the good ol' days..when I was little, singing songs like that during Sunday school, with not a care in the world. sigh.
And for some reason, that "Wise Man Built His House Upon The Rock" song was one of my favorites. I guess I like the splat, or splash, or splish, or whatever you want to call it part. hehe. And now, if I ever build a house, I will build it on a rock.
60. Heather 2 said:
On the rock of the Lord?
61. Brooke said:
Haha, Amanda B!
My first thoughts were "Oh my God, what HAPPENED TO LETA?"
62. Erin said:
more george. please.
i think he's ready to be his own category. feeling guilty, george, how to annoy me.
spectacular.
63. Sue From Ohio said:
So, how many of you made a pipe (or other 'equipment') in ceramics in college and the professor actually helped 'improve' it?
*raises hand*
GEORGE AND CAROLINE SITTING IN A TREE....
64. Grownup Guzzongas said:
The Grass is Always Greener
I second the comment by MrsDoF about how Aunt Heather can help the niece boost her self esteem...
I got my period on my 11th birthday and by the time I was 12 I had 34Cs. My older sister was a tomboy - she didn't get her period til she was 18, never got boobs and she was MAD about it! A lot of the girls at school who used to like me, started acting like they hated me. The boys at school would make fun of me and try weird things to cop a feel during school. Telling my PE teacher about it didn't help. She said "Oh, but you love the attention, don't you, you little tart!" (Thankfully, at the time I thought calling me tart was like calling me cookie or sweetie. But I did get the message that she wasn't going to help me)
My mom and my aunts used to constantly feel the need to tell me how much the boys were going to love me and sometimes they would tease me about wearing bigger bras than they did AT THE THANKSGIVING DINNER TABLE. My grandmother, the only other busty female in my clan, would tell me how much they were going to sag when I was old.
My father and my uncles would scare the HELL out of me by finding unique ways of telling me that all boys were EVIL bastards and should be avoided at all costs. My dad even showed me how to gouge out eyeballs and sucker punch testicles (or how to pull them off, which he showed me how to do with a deer he was gutting - to be used "in worse situations"). He didn't, mind you, show my sister how to do this.
The girls at school, I found out in my 20s, were saying all through high school that I was a slut. The people at church talked. No matter what I wore, people treated me differently and I HATED it. Even though I was so scared of boys I didn't have sex until I was 25. I didn't feel good about having a sexy body and a pretty face until I was about 30.
All of this made me feel like crap. Your niece may not be feeling very comfortable with being uber-female.
(Especially with all the Howard Stern types teaching the boys and girls alike that you just can't be a regular girl to be pretty anymore - you have to give blowjobs and compete with other girls to see who'll act like the biggest skank in order to prove your femaleness.)
The pretty and developed girls are the most likely to feel powerless to define themselves, since the rest of the world is so busy doing it for them. Encourage your niece to find her own way and believe in all of the things that make her who she is, not just her big boobs and how everyone responds to them.
65. kat said:
We've all been there, man.
66. The Mighty Jimbo said:
even drunkenstein knows to just say no.
67. Fish said:
is he smoking the carrot because he likes the taste and the buzz, or is he just using it as a coping mechanism so he doesn't have to face his real problems, like the angry mob of villagers?
68. Heather 2 said:
Until my breast reduction (at age 23 - when I was a 38DD, but probably not wearing a big enough bra), I couldn't remember being anything less than a 36D. They always made me feel fat...I hated them. In college people always joked about them, and how they had to watch out for them, etc. After my reduction, I'm a 38C, and feeling much better. Strange that I feel that a C is now 'small'. My friends, when telling stories about the old days, will refer to them as 'Heather's old boobs'. Nice...
69. dooce said:
my niece is in addition to being very big-busted also one of the prettiest girls i have ever seen. she's stunning, and every time i see her i sort of catch my breath because she's tall and blonde and oh my god so beautiful. the guys in her grade son't know what to do with her, mainly because she is taller than all of them and could whoop their asses in basketball. her mother, my sister, was very big-busted at a very early age as well and has been very good at letting her know how normal she is. every time i see her i just tell her how beautiful she is, and what i would to do have her hair and her everything else. she is very loved. (and is also a very hormonal young lady, alas, weren't we all?)
70. mary said:
Grownup Guzzongas, I had a different problem. I had big ol' boobs and was a super-dork besides. Whenever anyone whistled at me or the like, I was always sure they were mocking me.
Nevertheless I would have been absolutely mortified if my aunt had tried to have a heart to heart with me about my boobs. Seriously.
71. Fish said:
My wife's almost eight months pregnant, so I already hear a lot about breasts and self-esteem at home.
I'll check back later. Hopefully, there will be more pics of drunken Jon (or whomever's behind that mask. Are we SURE its Jon? I mean, really, dooce, how could you tell who you were kissing, what with all the latex?)
72. George said:
The Cool thing is about my cousin (the 13 year old) is that she probably knows more about sports than all of my friends. So basically every guy will love her, even though she can kick their asses at basketball.
73. Grownup G said:
Mary -
I wasn't suggesting that Dooce talk to her niece about her boobs at all. In fact, the opposite.
Sounds like Dooce knows what to do and say already. Help her know what other defining characteristics she has, like kicking ass at basketball. And feeling comfortable in her own skin (being OK with being hormonal) which I *wasn't*.
Just wanted to pipe up for the silent chicks with big boobs who may not be as vocal or strong. Sometimes the way we talk about our differences makes walls grow up between us. Bless my families' hearts, if they had talked with me and my sister about how everyone's different and it's no big deal, and everyone has special qualities on the inside that matter more than the outside - it would have helped.
I mean "Everyone is treated equal" was the ideal, but it was not what was said to us on a daily basis, what was joked about at the family table, what was taught in their actions. (Mentioning in front of others that they had to keep buying me bras when my sister didn't need one)
Dooce's niece might be like "Hey my cool Aunt thinks I have a great rack - cool!" Or she might feel just a tiny bit invaded. Or anything in between.
74. Angie said:
Great picture. However the first thing I thought of when I saw the thumbnail was Planet of the Apes.
75. Heather said:
Ok, I don't know if I'm just completely out of the loop or what, but what happened to the link about the rip off artist from yesterday? One minute it was there, the next, gone! Someone enlighten me please.
76. Christilee said:
Thanks for sharing that story with us Heather. My best friend went through hell and back to get over her bulimia. I love her dearly and I was so scared for her. She almost died twice. I am glad that you shared that with us. You are a damn strong person.
77. Human Writes said:
Heather, your bravery and candor are the wind beneath my wings today. As someone who has twice confronted depression and has a pretty firm handle on the causes thereof, I often struggle with the decision to air them online. Reading what you wrote today is like being part of a support group for me.
Thanks for always taking the high road.
78. Karry said:
Heather,
I think Dooce took the link off about the rip-off guy because after maybe 8000 hits he had had enough and caved. His bandwidth must have been through the roof - man, from about 40 a day to 6000 or so. Yikes!
Speaking of which, Dooce, do you seriously get that many hits in a day? Yipes, no wonder you need google ads and what not.
79. Laura C. said:
Dooce, I don't know if you'll get to see this comment at all, but I sincerely hope you do, because your anorexia commentary meant so much to me. This isn't a sob story, but I struggled with the same disorder two years ago, and yours is the first related discussion that was genuine and meaningful to me. Sometimes, I think the anorexia still affects me. I'm sure it does, in various ways. I appreciate your courage and your willingness to share your struggle. I feel less alone this way.
On the plus side, I also exhibit obsessive behavior about your site. It's embarrassing how many times a day I visit.
80. Holly said:
Heather, thanks so much for the commentary on your eating disorder. It really resonated with me and made me unbelievably grateful to be past some of the most horrifying years of my life.
Kudos to you and Jon for "instilling within [Leta] the knowledge that nothing and no one can be perfect." I think that's the key for a lot of people, or at least it was for me.
81. Christine said:
Just wanted to share something that I've learned from experience:
You can *never* successfully overcome an eating disorder. The best you can hope for is that it goes into remission and stays there. Please remain vigilant and healthy. Please be well.
82. Alex said:
Hey Dooce! If you haven't already submitted to the "we're sorry" gallery, you oughtta send in a pictures of chuckles! Check out this photo: http://72.3.131.10/upload_files/se142.jpg
83. Erin said:
Hi. Just wanted to say that I am also a former Mormon and I personally hold the church responsible for the guilt-ridden years of my childhood and high school experiences. I also had an eating disorder. I think until you live through something like that, you don't realize the effect that place puts on you to be "perfect" when in fact, no one can truly be. I am now 26,happily married, and proudly not Mormon. Thanks for sharing your life.I particularly enjoyed the tale about Joseph Smith soaps. I wouldn't be surprised if they are trying to tell you how to wash now, too. 'Scuse me while I drink a caffeinated soda.
84. heathabee said:
Drunkenstien is champenstien.
Thank you so much for sharing with us your story about your eating disorder. Each and everytime you post a story like that it just keeps on showing us how strong willed and smart you are, and how REAL you are. I think that a lot of us forget that you are a REAL person going about your day somewhere in Utah. That 'daily' post was very inspiring and Leta is lucky to have a mommy who has had life experience in SO MANY REALMS - because she will grow up seeing the world a bit differently than most kids, I think.
Congrats on your over-coming of your eating disorder! Now, where are those chicken wings with a side of Nacho Cheese doritos!? (mmm... best meal ever!)
:-P
85. Suger said:
Your posting was very touching and honest. I suffered from an eating disorder when I was thirteen. I am finally a lot better with food and have become much more accepting of my body. Yet, it is really amazing how your post had appeared at a time when I was feeling a litle overwhelmed. I just saw some photos of myself and a new "double chin". The difference is now I will not starve myself to rid myself of my extra chin... Please be healthy. Thank you for sharing.
86. Danielle said:
After all of this serious talk about issues of self-esteem and eating disorders, I feel a little odd commenting about your photos... but I couldn't resist. Wow. A couple of those photos you took are amazing. I'm particularly impressed with the 10th and 12th. simply gorgeous.
87. Ginger said:
Everyday I check up on you and everytime I think that I couldn't possible relate more to your experiences, I find you peel another layer of the onion and there I am crying in my soup.
I was raised STRICT Seventh-day Adventist, which is a crazy sub-cult all it's own, very similiar to the brainwashing of Mormons though. I am still reeling from my childhood.
PLEASE know that you are adored for posting all of your pains and that there are a ton of us out here that can totally relate to you.
BTW I hate onions!
88. Meg said:
To lighten the mood (and I'm sure you've probably already seen this over at TMN):
[link=http://homokaasu.org/gematriculator/]Dooce.com - 71% Good.[/link]
89. Jenny said:
Looks like he's eating a chopped off finger, which is kind of appropriate.
90. Fran said:
Where'd the boob talk come from? I had a mammogram today (Read about it in my blog). Being an EE isn't easy and I envy those with B cups. Nobody's ever happy with what they have or don't have.
Thanks for sharing your success at overcoming an eating disorder. I still binge and I think my double E's are actually ice cream repositories. But there's always hope...
91. MrsDoF said:
Thank you for reminding us all over again that your family is great.
It's just that my own history closely parallels GG in comment 64.
I should have known better than to doubt the loving ability of such a smart Aunt Heather and cousin George.
92. Omaha said:
Heather,
I love your site and I love you...
but be careful not to fawn over a 13 year old's looks more than her character and interests.
She will learn from you that hat she has that is of value and power is all, or even mostly, on the outside - "every time i see her i just tell her how beautiful she is, and what i would to do have her hair and her everything else".
Show me an adolescent who isn't swayed by that kind of talk, swayed to believe it's more important than something else. We learn to play up our perceived strengths naturally, often it's what others say our strengths are.
We learn to guard what others covet. And we learn that other things are less important.
93. Dawn said:
I am trying to teach my 7 year old son that he is perfect as he is. Everyone has such a vested interest in seeing us fuck up all the time, so just in the process of life, he will be dealt loads of stuff that will lead to him finding or creating imperfections in himself. I strive to be able to protect him so that these perceived imperfections in his head don't mess up his heart and how he loves himself. I need to believe that we are perfect as we are, warts and all ~ and there is always someone there to love and guide us through our darkest hours (both spiritually and on a human level) ~ and sometimes we need to walk that path alone too.
Your stength and spirit shine through and I acknowledge you for both healing yourself and for constantly ensuring you are being the best version of yourself you can be!
94. DeAnn said:
I have such an addiction to food, and although mine manifests in a different way (I HIDE my eating often but I still eat SO much), I completely loved your post. Thanks for your candor. You continue to amaze and inspire me.
95. J said:
Thank about for posting a story of your eating disorder. It gives some of us hope. I'm in that point where I have been dieting over half of my lifetime and starving over a decade. I have absolutely no kind of vision or memory what it was like to eat food as food. Instead it's all about numbers and how many of them I need to stay alive. Thanks.
96. Chris said:
Greetings from Bahrain.
97. wonder said:
http://homokaasu.org/gematriculator/rate.gas
Look what ebay turned up.
7% evil, 93% good
98. Peter Hentges said:
A dear friend of mine is a recovering anorexic. She remarked one day that she knew she was on her road to recovery when she woke up and discovered that she had tits. Since then, I have taken it as my personal responsibility to support her recovery by greeting her, wherever we might meet, by saying, "Nice tits!"
This has caused amusing levels of shock and embarrassment to the folks who are around us when it happens in public. It usually leads to having to tell the story about why I get to do this without getting slugged.
She is also experiencing growing deafness and so, in order to keep up my support of her recovery, I'm looking to learn the ASL "words" for "nice tits." If anyone in dooce-land has any ideas, I'd appreciate it.
99. Colleen said:
Peter, did you ever see the chick flick "Four Weddings and a Funeral"? There's a scene in there where a deaf man is saying something to the effect of "Nice tits" if I remember correctly. Hope this helps... it's a worthy cause.
Colleen