Champagne! For lunch!
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
1. PoeticaL said:
ahhh nice....I could use some of that.
2. beerzie yoink said:
Goes great with chili dogs.
3. Daniel said:
It isn't just for breakfast anymore.
Daniel
humanwrites.blogspot.com
4. Emily said:
Every day! Just think how HAPPY we would all be!
Who was it who described champagne as "drinking the stars"?
5. Insanity Infusion said:
With a teething baby of my own, I could use some of that right now and its just 9am...
6. Angie said:
I keep ASKING them to provide champagne in the canteen at work, but they reckon 7-up is a good enough substitute!!
7. Lala Wawa said:
Champagne for lunch, headache for dinner.
8. RandyRambunctious said:
The sparkly and the bubbly.....
9. Stacy said:
Dooce,
I just wanted to let you know about this stuff called Bitter Apple. Basically, you spray your dog's mouth with it and he gets a bitter taste in his mouth thus learning never to do what he did again unless he wants to taste that nastiness again. I've only had to do it a few times why yelling "SPRAY!" and now all I have to say is SPRAY or even just bring the bottle out and he knows not to even think about going after the trash can again.
10. Mari said:
I'm sure you'll get lots of dog training advice for Chuck but I thought I'd add my two cents. With respect to the post about spraying bitter apple in chuck's mouth, it doesn't do any good to punish the dog after the fact. Chuck would have no idea why you were spraying something gross in his mouth and would probably just learn to avoid you. I think the idea of the bitter apple spray is to spray the *item* that the dog is chewing so that it's no longer desirable to chew. Obviously that wouldn't work with Leta's toys since she's sticking those things in her mouth too (image her indignant screams if that happened).
I have a dog that likes to chew and the most effective thing we've found is just keeping tempting stuff out of her reach. Good luck!
11. dr. dave said:
Pictures of booze?
From the sound of hubby's latest post, I assume this was taken during last night's debate??
(It was rum & coke for me.)
dr. dave
12. Chanelbaby said:
If a candidate ran on Champagne for Breakfast I would totally vote for her. It DOES go great with hot dogs. It goes great with sushi. It goes great with everything. And Emily, the dude who invented it said the thing about drinking stars. A monk. Rock on, monks.
13. Regan said:
hooray for bubbly! what are we celebrating?
14. Heather said:
I'll second the Bitter Apple! We used it quite a few times the first year of our dog's life, and haven't had to use it in two years. All you do is show her the bottle, and she snaps right back into shape. Works like a charm!
15. kara said:
soooo pretty...
siiiiigh.
Regarding Senor Chuckles--you could try having a toy that is fun (like the puzzle ball that has treats inside) that only comes out when you guys leave. Given his love of treats, it just may work--or alternately it could frustrate the crap out of him b/c he can SMELL the treats but he can't get to the treats.
16. Shiz said:
Man, I wanna have lunch at your house!
17. Amy said:
We used to have a chewing problem with our previous dog. We were also told by our vet (and an animal behavioral specialist--our dog had BIG-TIME issues) that you can't punish a dog after the fact--they just don't get it; you have to CATCH them in the act. Anyway, we never sprayed Bitter Apple in his mouth, but we sprayed it on the oh-so-delicious chair legs that he loved to gnaw. We also used baby gates a lot. (Guess those could serve a double purpose for you guys soon!)
I love your website, by the way... so glad you write online. :)
18. Kitta said:
Mmmmm, I could go for some champers right now. ;o)
19. Amy said:
Oops, almost forgot--I also recommend the puzzle ball (called a Buster Cube, I think?) and a kong. Stuffed kongs are heaven for dogs, and ours gets one (filled with peanut butter) when we leave for work. Makes those heart-wrenching goodbyes a lot easier!
20. Zabe said:
I have this littel game I play... "Guess-What-The-Dooce-Picture-Is-From-The-Thumbnail"....
Today I guessed bongos!
21. The Mighty Jimbo said:
i just buy white zinfandel at the 7-11 and shake it up really good.
22. atomic said:
Oh how I miss the Before Pregnancy days of home-from-work-lounge-1/2-dressed-on-the-bed-drinking-champagne. Nice to know we get to have those days again on the other side.
23. shaunacat said:
Forget lunch, I say let's have it for breakfast!! Please?
As for the Bitter Apple spray - it's never to be sprayed directly in the mouth. It's only to be sprayed on the items you don't want the dog to chew on.
24. Laurie said:
Beautiful Crisp Picture. Love it.
Thanks for showing things in a different light. That's exactly why I visit you daily!
Laurie
25. Dannyn said:
Bitter apple is good for most dogs...just not mine, who actually like it. You could spray it on the trash can, and perhaps around the area where Leta's toys are kept. Another thought would be to close the bathroom door when you leave. There is also a product or two out there to keep a dog from licking his...parts, either because they have a wound or just like that empty ball sac noise. It might make your life a little less stressed, but then you wouldn't write about it anymore either. Maybe the Congressman would like champagne when you leave? As for teething, the oldest remedy should appeal to you: When the child cries because of teething (or for whaever reason, for that matter), pour a shot of Good whiskey. Take your finger, dip it in the whiskey and rub it on the childs gums. You Drink the rest. Problem solved!
Cheers!
26. Rabooka said:
One of our dogs loves the bathroom trashcan. Then we got a lid for it that opened when you pressed a button. Then our little smarty learned how to press that button. Dang dog! Now we turn the trashcan around so the button is against the wall. Haha! Now try to get into the trash!
You can always close the bathroom door before you leave the house.
27. amy said:
That picture is simply yummy...
28. Heidi Shah said:
Ah poor Chuck. It is tough being the older sibling with a baby to compete with!
You do have to tell us why/how Chuck came to be known as the Former Congressman. I searched but couldn't find a story about it.
29. Anna said:
Dooce you rock my world. I'm a regular reader but never comment, but it has to be said - you rock! Don't ever change for those fuckknuckles who don't appreciate your rockingness.
And now, i thought you might appreciate this ;)
30. Anna said:
Damn that was embarrassing - it didn't work :/
Oh well, here's the URL:
http://userpic.livejournal.com/20974205/1380657
31. coolbeans said:
Delicious.
If you need me, I'll be over here getting pissed with shaunacat. Cheers!
32. sarcastic journalist said:
I start my day off with a nice shot of tequila. Champagne? Don't know if it could give me that "lets take care of a baby while drunk" feeling that we all need.
33. DogMama said:
My dog went through a similar phase when I last moved. The remedy? I put his tennis ball under a heavy-duty milk crate...the kind you use in college for storage...he'll spend 30 minutes trying to figure out how to either lift it with his snout or flip it over with his paw. By the time he gets it, he is mentally and physically exhausted....coupled with some bitter apple sprayed on the trash can and you're on your way to a relief....by the way, what's the status of the dooce.com t-shirts?
34. Aspenchick said:
Hell. Yes.
35. Mir said:
Who knew photos of booze would evoke so much dog-rearing advice? Certainly not me. Color me shallow; I'm just thirsty, now....
36. Sue FO said:
is it Dom? Moet? or something California? either way, it's ALL good!
37. Amber said:
Is anyone else pronouncing champagne like the Continental from SNL? You know, the other funny Christopher Walkin sketches? ok. Maybe I'm the only dork. :)
38. Elegant Goose said:
Oh how lovely, another nice, long post! I love it when you can help me waste 10 minutes of precious work / homework time. (Grad school sucks... well, no it doesn't but busywork does.)
I too play the "guess the picture from the thumbnail game."
39. Dawn said:
Not wanting to be a downer or anything, but it sounds like Chuck is displaying the early signs of separation anxiety. Take it from a total stranger (that's me) that you want to address this ASAP. There are lots of ways to address it, I'd tell you what we had to do but it'd take a while - email me if you care to hear my story, but I'm sure you can do research on the ol' web all you like. But it's definitely a LOT easier to deal with early on.
40. Carrie said:
I wanted to echo Dannyn and say that my dog LOVED the Bitter Apple spray and we promptly returned it to PetCo! Just something to watch out for! :)
41. Andreah said:
I bet you're drinking Mums right?
"Meet the parents" reference. - oh well.
And that ghastly, dry, empty ball sack licking you hate? ARGH!! I hate it too, except my dogs is a female so it's more like the ghastly, dry, pussy licking that I hate.
42. Cora's mommy said:
I have grown very fond of Margarita's every night. I think I might make the best ever. I wake up looking forward to my one (BIG) drink after Cora goes to bed!
43. selzach said:
Chuck and my Lily must be long-lost cousins. She also has a thing for digging tissues and whatnot out of the bathroom trash and shredding them all over the floor.
We tried the bitter apple spray back in her puppy days. It never did keep her from chewing the ever-living shit out of the baby gate, nor did it keep her from chewing a hole in the vinyl floor. Hubby and I debated on trying hot pepper sauce, but decided it would be cruel.
44. Kris said:
I want to reiterate that a stuffed Kong is something I've seen recommended over and over. Some owners say their dogs get *excited* when the owners show signs of leaving because they know they're getting a stuffed Kong. You can buy cans of cheese and peanut-butter stuffing from the Kong people, but you can use your own PB too. I used liver biscotti (ohdeargoddess, biscotti for dogs, whatthefuh?) or the same kibbles she gets for dinner. She got very good at rolling the Kong around to eject them, and they were less messy than PB.
Good luck! Separation anxiety is definitely treatable or trainable or whatever.
45. rabooka said:
I have found freezing a Kong filled with peanut butter keeps my dogs in lala land for a long while.
I want to hear Dawns story for future family planning.
46. Anne said:
Peanut butter Kongs work wonders, but they elicit a rather distinctive licking sound all their own, on par with nutsack cleaning. Not to mention, you have to be okay with the smell of peanut butter. It will be everywhere. They will breathe peanut butter dog breath on you for hours.
I don't think I could stand peanut butter breath on Jude Law, much less a dog.
47. Anita said:
We had to teach our dog the commands Leave It and Drop It, but those only work when we catch him with the contraband (e.g., bras, socks, underwear)
We put some snappy trainers in our trash cans and those helped him from raiding those. Snappy Trainers are essentially mouse traps with big fans attached to them,so they make a big noise when the dog sticks his nose on them, but they don't hurt him.
Our guy usually does these bad things when he really wants attention. Even if it's bad, he wants us to notice him.
48. noa said:
champagne enema? no...never!
49. pinecone said:
I am waiting for the moment that Leta starts adopting Chiuck's behaviour. She will have, by now, registered that the dog gets up to things, and will, of course, want equal opportunities. After all, what self-respecting infant would play second fiddle to an older sibling? Especially a sibling that doesn't always pay attention. So, I foresee an entertaining series of stories about attempting to explain the difference between people and dogs.
50. espressocrazedboy said:
Still think you should put the Baby and Jon's Parental Rights on ebay!
51. rainiac said:
"My only regret in life is that I did not drink more champagne." (John Meynard Keynes)
52. Discopitbul said:
Our Maggie liked to spitefully chew the eyes off of our son's toys. Just the eyes and just his stuff, she never touched our stuff; what a wench. Since our dogs love bitter apple, bitter orange, chewstop and every other product in that category, we just had to keep the stuffed toys in a cargo net. The best solution for us was "dog proofing", much like baby proofing exept we didn't need covers for the electrical outlets or door knobs. The bathroom garbage goes behind a lockable cabinet door or up on a shelf when we leave, and kitchen garbage is behind two doors in the mud room. Our dogs love nylabones and kongs and the thickest raw beef bones. Those bones are definitely outdoor only treats, because the marrow doesn't come out of carpets. Ahh, life's hard lessons.
53. robin said:
Hey, as long as it's noon somewhere.
54. Lisa said:
You better put the sippy lid on Leta's quick, or she will spill it all over herself. She'll smell like booze. Then the jig will be up and Jon will know you two drink at lunch.
55. Amnesia said:
So that is how you get Leta to sleep...
56. Gretchen C. said:
Mmmmm, champagne. Put the bathroom trash under the sink or up on some surface. We never could keep our dog out of it. Especially if there happened to be menstrual things in there. Yuck, but it's like caviar to them.
57. beachgal said:
My dogs leave the garbage alone, but damned if I can keep them from rooting through the dirty clothes bins to demolish my underwear. And do they bother hubby's....NO! Just mine. They do get a hold of kleenex sometimes, and lordy what a mess that makes. And oh the licking sounds. One of mine has a fetish with licking her paws. She just licks and licks and licks, and I can't stand the sound of it.
We don't leave toys laying around for them to get into, cause I've got one who demolishes absolutely anything furry and resembling a toy. Whether it is a dog toy or not.
58. Leah said:
Poor Chuck! No longer king of the house and No Nuts!
59. Colleen said:
love the shot... and in response to Amber's post re: Christopher Walkin's Continental sketch....You're not the only dork.
60. Michelle said:
Poor Chuck. I understand that he is going through a jealous pahse with Leta but wouldn't you try your hardest to get attention? I mean what chance does he have with gorgeous, yummy smelling Leta around? Man I feel bad for Chuck he was once the most important thing and now he is not...what else can he do BUT chew off innocent unicorn horns?
P.S. I AM one of the 30 something childless, treats my doog like a Queen, takes her everywhere with me person....please don't shoot me in the head at close range....
Maybe Chuck wants to come visit...ya know for a bit of a vacation.....
61. meilaan said:
I think you should carry Chuck in the Baby Bjorn thingy every day for ten minutes.
62. Mouse said:
*YOU PEEPEL SUJISTEENG BITIR APPIL R FECKEENG SIKK.*
Chukk nid a latt mor trits. Iff Hithir giv Chukk a latt of mor trits, thin he wil bi 1 gud boy dag and nott be chewweeng up this thangs.
2 Chukk: if thiy dun't gif U the trits yew nid, dun't stapp at chewweeng. Poopeeng on thir stuf wil werk mush bettir 4 giteeng yor misij acrass.
Seerly,
Mos.
63. ella's ma said:
You mean champagne isn't just for breakfast??!!??!
64. Laurie said:
Heather -
You should of ended your last entry about advice with "YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!!!" That always makes me giggle when people say that...but I guess now I'm giving you unsolicited advice...shit! Forget everything I just wrote and please accept my sincere apology!
My real comment - I hate when people try to act like my mamma too! If I wanted that I'd live at home!
Laurie
65. Kristin said:
Eating tissues is NOTHING compared to what our dog does. She eats socks. Whole. Socks that don't belong to anyone in our household. Socks found in the wild of the backyard, by the neighbor's swing set. And they're nice socks. We're talking Tommy Hilfiger here. You just give her some hydrogen peroxide and BAM up come those socks.
66. Lala Wawa said:
I love mouse
67. liz said:
My dog chews tissues because my ex used to feed her boogers, whih apparently she liked or she wouldn't be always with the raiding of the bathroom trash and chewing of the tissue. - I don't mind, at least it's not my pradas.
68. charlotte said:
in response to chuck and the trash:
my mother's dog gets treated like the queen that she knows she is and still underwear ends up under the kitchen table along with trash of all sorts. luckily we finally convinced her not to bring out treats from the catbox. she's a dog. it's what they do. they do not know that trash is trash, to them it looks highly yummy. usually by the time you punish them, they have no idea who put that stuff there. i doubt chuck is emotionaly disturbed in any way.
69. Erin said:
My dog pouts evertime we leave...as if the last 8,000 times we left, we didn't come home. HELLO, DOG-we always come home!
I think I am going to start hiding treats around the house and make her go on a scavenger hunt when I leave. That way, its like "party! mom's gone!"
70. kp said:
I'm tempted to make a joke about the champagne...and the dog for that matter, but I guess I learned my lesson last time. Don't threaten to kick my ass anymore internet, please! :-) But those emails you're getting Heather? THOSE are the ones I was poking fun at. Please, people...GET A LIFE!
Dooce--as always, keep on rockin' in the free world.
71. leandra said:
people are just jealous that they don't drink champagne in the afternoon like you or i do. :)
72. Jeff said:
I had a dog with a chewing problem, once. I cooked him up and ate him. He was good with Champagne AND we solved the chewing problem!
73. Sam said:
Funny how you have absolutely no problem with people donating money or sending you things, yet you get upset at unsolicited advice. If you didn't like the attention, good or bad, you would have blocked your email long ago.
74. Kris said:
Damn. DAMN. Last time I tell anybody about stuffing a Kong.
75. Regan said:
Just in case you scroll down this far, I saw this page and thought of you.
not the dull part - I love your site, just the cowbell part!
76. Regan said:
ah...no html allowed. here it is:
http://www.slowdown.co.uk/instant%20cool%20website.htm
77. Rabooka said:
Sorry, no more tips. Just thought I was being helpful.
78. Brochstar said:
2 Cents.... 'nuff said.
79. Dan said:
Were you perchance visiting Philly and had that new $100.00 cheesesteak available at the steakhouse that just opened? The recommend the champagne to drink.
80. Dan said:
err...I mean "They recommend the champagne to drink."
81. Gia on Guam said:
Regan: Great site. I've got more cowbell !
82. Micki said:
for the record I (emphasis on "I") offered no unsolicited advice ... *preen* ... I (emphasis on "I") offered POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT. ahem.
83. Anne said:
Ever since Dr. Phil got his own show, everyone's an expert.
My dog acted like an ass pre-baby and acted like a real ass post-baby. So I told a rescue group I was going to put him down (a desperate lie) so they'd find him a loving new home where his ass-ness would be received with open arms. Imagine the email you'd get if you did such an awful thing like that.
Of course, I had to acknowledge the fact that if my adorable baby started acting like an ass, there was no getting rid of him like I did the dog.
84. whistlepunk said:
We are your public and you love us. That's why you talk the way you, and that's why we talk back. Amen.
85. anon said:
Anne is a heartless cow. Mouse needs to get a life.
86. hi said:
that is very extravagant! You say dooce like deuce and the beach boys say deuce like (i'd say) dooce in their song deuce coup.
That is a bizarre comment but you know, it's what I thought of! And i'll bet about 500 people go to download that now and see what i'm talking about...
87. di said:
as I am nearly the 90th commenter on this photo page and i realize that most of the comments have nothing to do with champagne for lunch, i once again am thinking that a dooce discussion board would be nice. or a dooce groupie group on yahoo or something.
CANNOT. STOP. DOOCING. !!
that being said, i also realize that my comment has nothing to do with champagne for lunch.
88. ensie said:
I just love that you specifically wrote a post about not wanting unsolicited advice, and then changed your FAQs page to that effect, and the comments page gets numerous pieces of unsolicited advice anyway.
89. Kate said:
"I sometimes wake in the early morning & listen to the soft breathing of my children & I think to myself, this is one thing I will never regret & I carry that quiet with me all day long."
^ from www.storypeople.com
Heather, I read that and for some reason, thought it applied quite well to you.
90. A N N A said:
i second what Ensie said-- they just beat me to it. dooce says she doesn't want advice, oh well-intentioned humans. :)
having scolded that, mmm, bubbly.
91. Carla Beth said:
Why is one glass fuller than the other? Which one is yours? Tonight President Bush is staying at the Jacksonville Inn in Jacksonville, Oregon. The Inn serves complementary champagne with breakfast. The only reason I'm writing this is to show off my new understanding of the word 'complementary' versus 'complimentary.' How did I do?
92. midwifegoddessannie said:
mouse is funny... just that he carnt fuccin spel.
93. Amanda said:
I'm sorry people are so stupid. Really. I apologize for all those unsolicited advice givers who can't take a hint about you not wanting their bloody advice. I apologize on behalf of them because they are just THAT slow and they just DON'T GET IT.
Love the picture - you capture the greatest perspectives.
94. Zaz said:
Not advice. My dog and I traded tonsilitis back and forth one winter. He'd get it by pulling tissues out of the trash. I think I'd get it back when he slept on top of me. Or pinned me to the floor by my hair and washed my face. I should've had a trainer when he was young.
95. Super Turtle Girl said:
Dooce will you give ME advice??!!?? 'Cause you got it going on.
96. Peter Hentges said:
I refrained from the unsolicited advice for precisely the reason you mentioned. I figured people would be getting, as you say, "all up in your ass" about the dog. I like the trick of yelling "NO!" at the thing Chuck was chewing; I hadn't heard that one before and it makes a certain amount of dog-sense. Please keep on amusing us with your stories. We'll keep reading. (And some of us well send unsolicited advice. Ignore them.)
97. DeAnn said:
I don't give unsolicited advice because you are so much wiser and smarter and prettier than me.
Do I get brownie points or something for that response?
98. faith said:
the colours in that photos are sooooo champagne! sophisticated smoooooth tones of brown and chocolate, I'm just lounging in lifestyle looking at it! (We drank champagne last night too beacause my son officially became an Australian, but we were drinking it in a much more common way, more fluro I think) I ADORE those colours!
99. kEma said:
dooce,
I aint going to advise you ON HOW TO TREAT YOUR GOD. Add ppl please stop doing it. Chuck is a happy dog, with wonderful 'parents'. End of subject.
Btw lovely picture :))
I just had some
100. whistlepunk said:
testing
101. patti said:
*sigh* 3 more months until I can enjoy champagne lunches again....