I think his name is Tanner
Friday, October 1 2004
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I'm not related to this kid, he was just super cute and he was at my cousin's wedding. I kept asking him his name and he kept saying, "Tanner!" but it came out sounding like, "Hannah!" So I kept saying, "Hannah?" and he kept saying, "No! TANNER!" and then I kept saying, "Hannah?" And this continued for an hour. At the end I just gave up and said, "Hannah, I'm putting you on the Internet."
- Behold, the Memphis accent
Thursday, 04 December 2008 - Bump watch begins
Tuesday, 02 December 2008 - Three months
Monday, 01 December 2008 - Excuse me while I go make love to a bean burrito
Monday, 24 November 2008 - The making of an older sister
Thursday, 20 November 2008
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1. alibean said:
That face just screams mischief waiting to happen.
*crosses fingers to post first*
2. Michelle said:
Did you find out if he's single? I'm sure I'll still be available when he's 16. I mean 18.
3. di said:
i feel like a retard. i'm upset that i'm not first. but hey, i'm in the top 10!
i love the name tanner! hannah, too.
4. anna said:
my friend: what do you want to do?
her kid: watch a bideo!
my friend: a bideo?
her kid: no! a BIDEO!
my friend (with a twinkle): okay, let's watch a bideo!
her kid (losing it): NO NO NO! A BIDEO!
my friend (soothingly): okay, sweetheart. We'll watch a video.
Peace restored.
5. Dale said:
Is Hannah wearing lipstick? Or is it just those great lil kid lips?
6. penelope said:
What a cutie!
7. e said:
i am elizabeth. this is apparently very hard for my brother to say. so, naturally, a nickname ensued...frank. (we have no idea.)
8. beachgal said:
What a cutie. And he does look like he's up for some mischief. I bet he keeps his parents busy, and boy that reminds me what I have in store for me in a few years.
9. Mir said:
Twenty years from now, poor Tanner is going to be covered in tattoos and piercings, sobbing on his therapist's couch that he fears he is a woman named Hannah trapped in a man's body.
I hope you'll get some pictures of him, er, her, then as well.
10. kp said:
i am profoundly disturbed by the comment left by "michelle"
i'm half kidding.
oh my.
11. CA said:
For a few years when I was a toddler, I called my older sister Deet. No one had any idea why. Her name is Nicci.
12. Michael said:
Maybe he was giving you his last name? Perhaps he is related to Uncle Jesse, DJ, Stephanie, and those mun-chee-chees we sometimes call the Olsen Twins.
He doesn't look like Bob Sagat though....
13. marke said:
Personally, Michelle's comment was my favorite.
14. Michele R said:
He's so cute! I see why you had to put him on the internet!
15. patricia said:
I might be a product junkie, but that cute kid needs some lip balm.
16. kathe said:
when my sister was a toddler, she couldn't say my name properly. instead of kathe (pronounced same as kathy or cathy), she called me ga-ga instead. what was worse, my mom started calling me ga-ga too.
17. dr. dave said:
This has nothing to do with the picture of the day... but I had a dream about The Dooce last night. For some reason, four families had all moved into the same house, and we all had kids and pianos and big-screen TVs. There was a lot of discussion about what the hell to do with four pianos. "Maybe somebody could sell their piano?" "Well I'm not selling MY piano!" But some of the guys were excited about having so many big-screen TVs, cuz then they could watch, like, three football games at the same time.
I dunno - anyway, I recall you and I had a nice chat about something unreated to furniture, although I don't remember exactly what.
That's it. Hope that doesn't sound too creepy. I'm not a crazy stalker, really.
Dr. Dave (doctorsilence.blogspot.com)
18. kara said:
my cousin called me "carrot" until he was about 8 years old...He thought that my name was actually Carrot and everyone was just leaving the "t" sound off the end.
19. Lauren said:
Hannah looks good in a tie.
My cousin could never say her own last name properly, to this day I call her doolie doorbell
(Julie Wardell)
20. Kristina said:
My name went from Tee-Tee to Teeta to Hadina. I remember being very upset when Teeta went away.
My cousin called my brothers (Pat and Nick) "Pack" and "Nit" for the longest time.
21. ashley said:
what a cutie!
look at those ears!!
i would call him hannah too with ears like those
22. sarah said:
My mother's godson went by the name of Seashoe for many years, as that's what his older brother called him. Nobody has any idea how Seashoe came from Nathan, but it was such a cute nickname that it really stuck.
That kid is PRETTY.
23. Weez said:
I saw cowbell on E! last night! It made the top 10 most memorable SNL moments. Now I cannot stop thinking about Will Farrell dancing around, banging on the cowbell, exposing his hairy midriff.
Cute kid. He will be trouble.
24. Quin said:
My nephew couldn't say Quin at 15 months, but he could say "Dodo".
I like that the little ones know me by name first.
25. Chanelbaby said:
I have to send a shout out to ANNA whose comment made me spit tea all over my monitor because I was laughing so hard. Rock on. Have fun in Park City Dooce! I see a lot of procedure in your future.
26. Heather 2 said:
Every child I meet instantly changes my name to 'Hedo' or 'Hebo'. That 'th' really kills em, but it's SO cute!
27. Heatheranne said:
When my nephew was learning to talk, he used to call me "Hodka".
I don't know how he got that from "Heather".
Also, to this day (he's now 14) I'm trying to figure out what "dondy" is. He used to throw holy fits looking for "dondy".
28. Dave said:
I had to overnight baby-sit for my friend's and her sister's kids. My friend's kid, Whitney, was 4 and I could understand her fine. The boy, Michael, was just turning 3 and talked as if his mouth was full of sand. Any time he said anything to me, I would have to turn to Whitney and ask for a translation into English.
By the end of the stay, and hundreds of "Whitney...what did he say?"'s, Whitney's response to me always began with a curl of the nostril, roll of the eyes so high you thought she was having a seizure, and ended with a huff so deep she almost spit up a lung; "He said he wants to go swimming...duh!".
29. bandick said:
Hi Dooce,
This doesn't have anything to do with cute Tanner either but I had to get this information to you, IMMEDIATELY. I spend a good deal of my time researching companies and while surfing through Novartis' web site I discovered some news that may change your life.
FDA Approves Zelnorm as the First Rx Therapy For Chronic Constipation. Here's the link to the press release...
http://www.pharma.us.novartis.com/newsroom/pressReleases/releaseDetail.j...
Good luck to you and the "4.5 Million Americans" who "Suffer from Constipation Most of the Time". I had no idea how many Americans are bound up. Sheez.
On a side note, my godson is very into Thomas the tank engine and specifically, Percy and the freight cars. He talks incessantly about Pussy and the Fuckers. Sorry for the language. Sort of.
30. Lindsey said:
What a Stud! He looks quite fab in his tiny little bow-tie :)
31. Laurie said:
To this day my parents still call me ganseberren (which is german for goose berry) along with all of its varients. Goose berry goose, goose, ganse, ganse berry etc.
Apparently I had an odd obsession with gooseberries when I was 3.
32. Carrie said:
What a freakin' cutie. He is so going to be a heartbreaker. Check out his come-hither eyes....
33. Valerie L. said:
My niece: I'm Bobby.
Me: Oh Bobby, huh?
My Neice: NO I'M BOBBY!
Me: Bobby?
My Neice: NOOOOOOOOO BOBBY!
Me: Oh very nice to meet you Barbie.
34. Hannah said:
Hannah's a good name. Go the palendrome!
35. maxigumee said:
He looks evil.
36. Tracy said:
Since he's not related, can you maybe arrange a marriage between him and Leta? Cause think of the cute kids they'd have.
37. sab said:
I hope your hand gets better soon.
38. Mari said:
Loved the half-sockless baby story.
I just wanted to say though that you might want to start carrying benadryl and an epi-pen with you. You look like you had a pretty big reaction to that bee sting. It could be much worse the next time, so please be careful!
39. Kristen said:
Truly adorable.
40. diane said:
My two little cousins (not so little now--23 & 17) had funny problems with words. Kent, the littler one, used to call his sister Jennnifer "Foo-fer." That one stuck for a long time. When Jennifer was little, she had this conversation with my Mom:
J: I want Santa to bring me a caw baw.
M: A caw baw?
J: No, a caw baw!
M: Caw baw?
J: NO, A CAW BAW!
M: (laughing) A caw baw?
J: (furious) NO, I SAID A CAW BAW!!
Caw baw = Care Bear
41. beachgal said:
Oh goodness, that hand needs some Benadryl. Erm, well, your body needs to ingest some anyway, so that it will work its magic on your hand. Hope it goes down soon! I used to be deathly allergic, and luckily I outgrew it. Glad it wasn't little Leta or the dog that got stung, but sorry it was you!
42. Kerry S said:
He is adorable...gorgeous eyes!
My husband's cousin has 2 girls (age 5 & 3)...the 3 year old is really hard to understand. She calls me Kiwi and now it's stuck and the whole family calls me this!
When I was small, I couldn't say my younger brother's name Philip. It came out as Slibib, and he's still known as this and he's 26!
43. Erin said:
Your pictures of kids always turn out so adorable. Kids do not sit still and have perfectly placed drool for me to photograph.
Was your cousins wedding at Log Haven by any chance? That is where I was married 4 years ago and the background of the recent wedding pictures look very familiar to me. I'd love to see more if you have them of the grounds or the patio or the ampitheater or the lodge!
44. Wendy said:
My 3-year-old son calls my 9-month-old daughter "Dukey" (how she got it is related to a Thomas the Tank Engine story). We are hoping this little nickname wears off before she goes to school.
45. Wendy said:
p.s. Heather, I too use my Baby Bjorn for walks with "Dukey" and have experienced more half-sockless episodes than I care admit.
46. Michelle said:
Sorry Kp. Michelle is often profoundly disturbing.
47. Mary said:
The little boy I nanny calls his sister (whose real name is Mary Liz) Bubba. For the longest time that's what she thought her name was. People would ask her and she'd say, "Bubba Liz." And then one day she was adamant that she was now Mary Liz and no longer Bubba or Bubba Liz. Thank goodness.
48. Amber said:
My sister: Aunt Janet, is your name Janet?
My Aunt Janet: Yes, sweetie.
My sister: Aunt Janet, can I call you Janet?
My Aunt Janet: Sure, if you want to.
My sister: Can I call you Janice?
My Aunt Janet: Well .. ummm ... ok ...
My sister: Can I call you Aunt Janice?
My Aunt Janet: .... ... ok
My sister: ok.
Amazing how these things resolve themselves
49. Sarcomical said:
first off: that child is adoralicious! how sweet! and he looks to have been intently interested in you. ;)
second: heather! i am seriously scared for your hand! do something! and then let us know it is okay! aack!
50. pd said:
Another photo to add to my SQUEAL! file.
My older brother and I called our youngest brother "Boodles" for years and years. Now he's 20 and wants us dead, but we still think it's funny to call him that.
51. Laurel825 said:
RE: Half-socked kiddo.
My youngest was also a sock and shoe discarder. I'd walk at the mall when she was a todder. By the time we'd rounded "the big lap" a couple of times, both shoes had been tossed and often, one sock was in my hand. Rue the fucking comments from people! Like the kid crawled there, to the mall, alone, in the snow. The effort it took to GET there in the first place...shut up assholes!
52. robin said:
Oh my god...your 1/2 sock story had me on the floor. Seriously, that was some of the funniest shit I've heard in a long time.
And you can still carry Leta around in a bjorn??? You must have a super strong back! My son is 2 weeks older than Leta (part of the reason I love following your story, cause I'm going through so much of the same) and there is NO WAY I can even strap him into it anymore!
Put some socks on that kid. You want her to turn out alright, don't you???????
53. Camille said:
When my brother was 2 or 3 he insisted that he wanted "shawbons." My parents could not figure out what he wanted until he pointed at them... hashbrowns. He had most of the right letters, just totally in the wrong place. Little kids are so funny! He's much more together now that he's 24.
54. George said:
I used to refer to Heather as Amber until I was 14... or 4. Either one. And Erin, the wedding was at log haven.
55. Sara said:
Hey Heather,
Your hand looks just like a friend's hand did after a bee sting. The cause was not the bee sting itself, but cellulitis, an infection that must be treated with antibiotics.
56. Moxie said:
In regards to your sock story: Jon isnt afraid that people will think Leta looks like a crack baby..he is scared that folks will think her father is a hillbilly!! I also done had me a hillbilly baby, whose socks and later shoes apparently were so caustic that she had to remove them whenever I was'nt looking. You havent lived till your backing up on I-77 during rush hour to retrieve the Weebok thrown out the back window by your 12 month old.
57. Elegant Goose said:
Hey Laurie- my "Elegant Goose" name thingy is actually from a German storybook I have by a guy named Janosch called Post fuer den Tiger (Mail for the Tiger). I was going to write Elegante Ganse but I figured no one would get it... (by the way the story has some disturbing parts... like the character Elegante Ganse gets taken to dinner by a fox... and eaten! It's a long and silly story why my b/f started calling me that.)
My REAL name is Elizabeth, which my younger brother Tim could not pronounce. Instead he would just call me "sister" but since he couldn't say "r" it came out as "sisto." He still calls me sisto and he's 24. I'm sure when he & his wife have kids I'll be Auntie Sisto.
58. me said:
Being the mom of sons, one who reads lots of weird stuff, I learned that there is a thing called the Tanner scale that is a measure of puberty. For boys the scale is based on penile development. A boy in his early teens might be a "3 on the Tanner scale," for instance.
We have a family in our aquaintance who have the last name of Tanner. They have a bunch of sons, ranging in age from 30 to 50-something. When my husband and I heard the little-boy measuring scale, we had to joke, "Number 5 Tanner, which one is that? Paul or Bob?"
Okay--people who want to give your kids non-traditional names or surnames as first names--please Google it first, to see if there are any weird connotations. You don't want your kid in sex-ed in 8th grade to learn that his name is a gauge for dick-development!
I'm not going to leave my name with this, well, because.
59. Wendy said:
Ice for your hand, anti-histamine for the reaction (unless you can't mix it with your other prescriptions)
BTW, did Leta take the photo from the bjorn? She's very advanced for a hobo baby.
60. Katherine said:
Well one good thing about a swollen bee hand is that it looks youthful and nonwrinkled. I look at my hands these days and wonder when my Mother left her lying around so that I could wear them.
61. charlotte said:
so how did you take that picture? did someone take it for you? did you push the button with your nose? carefully planned time delay? leta has advanced motor skills?
62. tangoali said:
VICTORY IS MINE! If you could see me now...happy-dancing in my office because I got to post the first comment on a stranger's website. I. Am. A. Loser.
Heather, sweets, Epi-pen! If you react like that what if precious Leta does worse?!?! Your public needs more sock stories- we are captivated!
63. Brian G said:
Yo "Me", I'm a boy. I've been one for 32 years. I've never been measured on this "Tanner scale", are you sure that's not something that backwoods doctors invented just so they can touch young boys' pee pee's?
64. catapax said:
My kid is lucky if he has pants on when we go outside, much less 2 socks that match both each other and his gender! Don't sweat it. Hillbilly hobo babies with crack-ho moms are the best kind.
65. Antonia said:
OK, Lady, your story about the walk just totally frigging rocked. I feel ya on the crack-whore mom with her crack baby thing. One piece of advise: when you feel this way, don't ever, EVER, go to the mall on the nice side of town. This is a downward-spiral-of-emotion causing mistake.
66. King Poop said:
Tanner. Now there's a nice white-bread, Mormon name.
67. sanelurker said:
Hey, your swollen hand is really beautiful! So smooth and shiny like a baby's cheek, no veins showing, etc. Maybe you should become a bee keeper? ;-D
68. Christine said:
Tanner, Tanner bo-anner bonana fanna fo fanner Fee fy mo manner... Tanner!
(Yes, you may quote me.)
69. coolbeans said:
HE is CUTE. I'll take one Tanner and a side of Hannah to go, please.
70. kEma said:
Gosh, he looks as if he is pondering about smthn, look at his eyes.. HE IS GROWN UP!
71. Evil Stepmother said:
I'm Jen, and my stepdaughter, until recently, said it Nen. I thought it was cool to have her own name, but when she mastered the "j" she chose to call me Jen. It still makes me want to cry.
My niece is a big fan of Sleeping Cutie and Strawberry Sweetcake. She pronounces very well, but calls things the wrong thing.
72. Evil Stepmother said:
I meant her own name for me. Der.
73. me said:
Brian G--the tanner scale isn't a measuring "device" or anything, it's just a number the pediatrician writes on a chart. It's 1-5 and lists different levels of secondary sex development (not size, but maturity). It's not something they'd talk about unless things weren't normal.
74. Carny Asada said:
We have a term for the lady who informed you that your sock was missing: She is a member of the Hat Police. The Hat Police also monitor sweater usage, fingernail length, and deployment of stroller shade, sunscreen, blankets...
And if you haven't been bothered much by the Hat Police yet, you must be an astonishingly careful mother; a really, truly careful mother. A mother whose marriage would never be threatened by something like a lost girly sock.
75. Dipali said:
How awful !
Your hand looks pretty swollen..
take care..
and yay ! for saving your marriage :-)
76. Rabooka said:
My sister in-law (ST) is always trying to teach our nephew bad habits. Picking his nose and spitting are the newest on the list. I'm wondering if I should tell her about Thomas the Tank Engine books. I'm sure saying words like pussy and fucker would surely piss off his mom (JG). Maybe I should give the book to JG instead as payback due to the fact that ST is pregnant...hee hee. Is it wrong of me to find this extremly funny?
77. Michelle said:
Until my grandfather passed away (when I was 26) I called him Gee because when I was little Grampy came out like Gee - he liked it - it stuck - I was a grown adult calling out Gee in public places. He liked that. I miss him.
Of everything else you wrote today I have 2 thoughts:
1. I hope your hand is better soon
2. You lt Chuck out NEKKID? Does he know this? LOL. Have a great weekend.
78. me said:
Also--Those ARE some very pretty, deep-as-a-well, little boy eyes there. Lots of mystery.
Heather, I don't know if you read all your comments (how could you possibly?) but I've always been intrigued by how you crop your photos. Or do you crop them, or compose them as you shoot them? You have such a talent for composition. Looking at this photo: the dark elements--eyes, the curve of the bow tie, the curve of the (chair?) rail behind him. The pinks--of his lips, sweet goofy ears and that pink fuzzy spot in the background, upper left corner. White--of his eyewhites and shirt. You cropped the photo below his hairline, and it gives such an elegant balance--it wouldn't be the same if we saw more of his head, or saw enough to know what the pink blob in the back is.
Your subject is lovely but your personal style shows through, too.
79. me said:
bah, I would have signed the last "me" comment w/ my real name/address, because it wasn't on a weird subject that I'd be worried about getting nut mail about, except I sent without realizing my computer punched in the wrong names. Oh well.
80. lara said:
let's make dooce the #1 listing on google for "pussy and the fuckers."
yay saved marriage! yay adorable speech-impedimented children!
boo bees! (heh. boobies. it all comes back to boobs on dooce.)
81. George Lover said:
Ok, here's my contribution. A friend of mine owns a gift store and she takes a once a year trip to L.A. to the ginormous wholesale gift building (it has a real name too.) One year she takes her 18 month old daughter, who is dressed in a plaid shirt and denim overalls. On the elevator a well-dressed woman says "Oh, how cute, all dressed up for Halloween". Except she wasn't--even though it was Oct. 31.
82. traci said:
can i just say how much i LOVE LOVE LOVE the daily photos? it gives my dooce addiction a whole new layer of pathetic-ness.
83. Rachael Simpkin said:
Okay, well this story isn't exactly as good as the others, but I thought I'd make the effort to make a contribution anyway. When my great niece was very young she could never pronounce my name (Rachael - pronounced the same as Rachel - most people don't know that) and used to call me Wayshell (which yould probably sound really retarded to most of you as I'm British and may sound nothing like Rachael, but meh!). Okay, I'm done. I'll hush!
PS. Poor hand, cute Hannah.
84. red said:
your poor hand! :( hope the fattiness goes away quickly. thanks for the laughs again.... i love that jon doesn't want Leta sockless... and she was half-sockless for a while. *whew* funny stuff....
85. DG said:
I liked the story. This was my favourite bit:
"...while my eyebrows shouted sentences into the air."
♥
86. eco2geek said:
bandick > "On a side note, my godson is very into Thomas the tank engine and specifically, Percy and the freight cars. He talks incessantly about Pussy and the Fuckers. Sorry for the language. Sort of."
My 4 year old (today!) nephew, Joseph, is also *big* into Thomas. He even knows obscure train jargon. For example, he knows that a "consist" is a "list of cars that makes up a train," as in "This consist represents the US holiday train for the 2002 season."
But if he breathed a single word about Pussy and the Fuckers, his poor father would fall over, twitch, and die.
87. faith said:
Twice I've had to be told by complete strangers that the baby dangling from the Baby Bjorn attached to me is wearing only one shoe. In a land where his feet could freeze and drop off.
Bad motherhood is a badge.
Your camera seems to have burrowed into Hannah's soul.
88. Lori D said:
Did anyone not realize The GEORGE commented up there? Or am I the only one that thinks that is fantastic.
Your hand...ouch. I talk with my eyebrows too.
89. George said:
I comment a lot. I have nothing better to do.
90. robin said:
ENJOY YOUR TRIP!!!!!!
Yes I am yelling...you guys deserve it! :)
91. Lynn said:
wow. i love the tone/color of this picture. Is this straight off the camara or photofixed? If so... what did you do? I'd love to know.
Have fun in the mountains!
92. jelene said:
it's funny how people get all giddy excited thinking, "OHMYGAWD, i'm the first person to post on Dooce's comment thingy!!" then they post, and realize that they aren't the first, because someone else in walla walla washington is typing at that exact moment, and took the #1 first commenting spot already. then a sigh of "gosh darnit all!" kicks in and they post that. "darn i wasn't the first person to post on dooce and i thought i was! dern."
haha and yeah, your swollen hand looks like a fat girl's hand... which would look just like mine. lol
have a good weekend reconvening the procedures several times.
93. Dana said:
Bet Tanner always had socks.
I looked at the picture before I read the post and I thought "wow Heather has kinda fat hands for such a thin girl" LOL.
Maybe I do the crack.
Have fun sleeping in!!
94. Abigail said:
Cute kid!
It's probably too late for this advice, but my mom claims that meat tenderizer helps keep the swelling down on bee stings. She makes a paste and smears it on. Go figure.