Roxanne
If you're in San Francisco and you happen to be anywhere near the Stanyan Park Hotel, drop in and say hello to Roxanne for me, and tell her that Heather, the mother of that little baby in the stroller, the mother who was really hard on herself and had that really tall and cute husband who brought her flowers really late at night that one time, tell her that her picture is on the Internet.
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
1. Sherri said:
Rooooooooooooooxanne.
Gonna be singing that one all day now. Thanks.
2. Brian said:
You don't have to wear that dress tonight
Walk the streets for money . . .
Sherri, I think we're all going to be singing it, but only the version from Moulin Rouge.
3. Weez said:
You don't care if it's wrong or if it's right.
Everybody now....
4. Lesley said:
I loved you since I knew you...
Yeah, thanks. Singing it now.
5. Gavinator said:
New drinking game.... let's do a shot everytime someone types Roxanne.
6. kEma said:
Ya cheers... and by the way nice full face ;)
7. Karry said:
She looks so happy and full of life!
8. itsy said:
What a great picture. I can just feel her energy!
9. Todd said:
And I bet she has a pooping story too...
10. Brian said:
Karry, who knew another blogger was so close to home? What am I talking about? Everyone blogs these days. Statistics would diminish the incredulity of my first rhetorical question.
11. moose said:
He brought you flowers late at night? Damn, he's good.
Great shot. Makes me want to meet her.
12. Michelle said:
I'd never talk down to ya.
13. acb said:
Heeey, we use Roxane as a drinking game, too... except with beer, not shots. Can you imagine doing shots during the choruses? (Roxaaaane, Roxaaaane, Roxaaaane, Roxaaaane...) ooph.
14. Brian said:
So who's from Illinois (Chicago and Harvey)? Who's from Marshfield, Massachusetts? Who's from New York? Who's from Rialto, California? And who is from the University of Wisconsin (GO BADGERS!)?
15. Shiz said:
Ha ha ha ... funny. Rooooooxanne!
PUT ON THE RED LIGHT!
She is beautiful, and that is a beautiful photograph. It's great connecting with strangers, travelling or home. There's something fun and human and cool ad fun and good-to-be-alive about it.
You may all gag now.
PUT ON THE RED LIGHT!
16. Michael said:
A drinking game for when people type Roxanne here? We can all do it at the same time! That way, it doesnt seem like im drinking alone in my room while my roommate watches 90 hours of Star Trek straight.
God, I love the college life.
How did this get so far off the topic of dooce? In a month, this Roxanne person will remember Leta, 'cuz she's wicked boss.
(thats a two shot post)
17. Amy (Again) said:
I am not from the University of WI, but I lived in Madison for most of my life! Go Badgers! In fact, I was just there this past weekend. I now live in Minneapolis.
18. Mir said:
I'm sure Roxanne will be thrilled when she finds out. Also I'm sure the people singing will be a totally new experience. ;)
19. ninjakittycat said:
Great photo! I might be the only one who responds that doesn't get Roxanne stuck in her head!
20. natalie said:
Heather, did you create the web site for that hotel? It looks like something you would design. Just curious...
http://www.stanyanpark.com
21. Mary said:
Hey--that's in my old neighborhood. I will now commence singing so that I don't feel homesick for a city I cannot afford to live in...
ROOOOOOOXANNE...
22. Roxanne said:
Oh, great. First my name is associated with a song about a whore, and now I'm a drinking game. Thanks, Mom. Were you DRUNK when you named me? While you were revelling in your first post-pregnancy shot of booze, were you playing the Roxanne drinking game and decided to name me after it?
I'm not bitter, not at all.
(I'm not the Roxanne pictured above, either.)
23. robin said:
I'm actually a little scared of this woman!
24. lizpenn said:
congratulations on reconvening the procedure. just when i think i'm converted to the idea of having a kid, something always happens to dissuade me again. this post was one of those moments.
25. mari said:
Re: reconvening the procedure. This is the kind of story that should be told to hormonally-charged teenagers everywhere to scare the crap out of them!
26. Lorie said:
Ohh, ohhh. Peeing fire and blood I KNOW about. It's horrible. But I peed fire and blood because of an e-coli infection I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I HAD. Go figure. I thought I had a UTI myself, but it turns out I didn't. My heart breaks for you, you've had to go through so much. You continue to amaze me! :)
27. Lauren said:
Nice bit of sharing Dooce, I'm constantly amazed at your ability to let us in tasefully. Glad your back in he saddle.
28. Lauren said:
Nice bit of sharing Dooce, I'm constantly amazed at your ability to let us in tasefully. Glad your back in the saddle.
Sorry if this ends up getting posted twice.
29. Lauren said:
ok, it's official. I'm a goof.
30. Beth said:
Oh my GOD! I am sending you happy urinary tract vibes so that your house is full of procedures!!! You have lost time to make up for, dammit! :)
31. Suzy said:
Oh, honey, you don't even know the challenges coming to the procedure from now on. Be grateful for and throw yourself wholeheartedly into whatever procedure in which you may...proceed from now on. (Several years ago when our children were smaller a neighbor shared with a group of us that she and her husband had proceeded two nights in a row and a sigh, an 'ooooh' even, of admiration rose among the gathered.)
32. Jenn said:
Oh Dooce. While I am one of the women whose parts can fold sheets, I can empathize with you because we made the mistake of reconvening too soon and OH THE HORROR! My doctor actually lectured me on the reconvening of said proceedure and I had to endure the mental anguish of a lesson from him on proper "lubrication." Apparently I can have a baby but somehow I am still doing the procedure incorrectly. Figure that one out.
33. Xdm said:
Oh girl. Pee before and pee after. You may even want to wash before and wash after. Not romantic or spontaneous but it does help. And there are always "other procedures" that a generous wife could bestow on a frustrated husband. I just had my Beck five weeks ago, but they pulled him out the belly. Still, after what my husband saw, I fear I may never get laid again. Sorry about your baby blues. I've been following your battle and no matter how down or grumpy I get, nothing compared to what you have shared so I think I'm out of the woods.
34. Friday said:
A word of advice? After the procedure has ended, have a pee. Seriously. I had horrible, bloody bladder infections each and every time my boyfriend and I interacted in that fashion, until a doctor told me: Friday, you must pee right after. Why they don't tell you this in sex ed is beyond me.
35. Angie said:
Yup - that's the post-procedure ritual in my house too, because I am highly prone to UTIs myself.
I go pee, and he goes to smoke. We figure that's a lot more romantic than him holding my hand while I pee blood and sob like a baby.
36. Jeannette said:
Oooh, ouch. Not only was the physical part of recovery a testament against the procedure, but the mental part ("I don't THINK so, Cowboy, you're cuttin' into my SLEEP TIME") made me wonder if I'd ever want it again. Sadly, it's still not on the top of my priority list.
*sigh*
Poor husband.
37. jeff said:
Hey, what happend to talking about the picture (nice picture by the way) and the song (Rooooooooxxaaaaaaane)!!!!????
38. Jeannette said:
Dooce posted on the topic of postpartum sex. It just brings out the chatter in all of us.
39. Gavinator said:
Oooohhh.... so many Roxannes. I'm drunk.... anyone else? Speaking of drunk (or, err, drink), beer is great for helping out UTIs. So is cranberry juice but beer is more fun.
Just in case anyone is still sober:
ROXANNE!!!
40. Bobbe said:
Noooooooooooooooo.
I'm a single mother of an eight month old, I totally sympathize with you about the procedure not being reconvened except that there's actually a possiblity that it NEVER WILL.
And I was having a bad day already.
Thanks for reminding me.
Argh.
41. beth said:
After 6 months of cronic UTI's I didn't think I'd ever perform the procedure again. Then I was saved by cranberry pills. Get them in your vitamin aisle and take two within 30 minutes of completing the procedure. Sorry if this is too much info for everyone, but every UTI sufferer I've given this advice has told me it's saved them from a procedureless life.
42. Elise said:
I think it took us about 3 months to reconvene our procedure. And it wasn't enjoyable. A prescription of applicable estrogen goo was in order to help reestablish the lubrication. After a few more attempts, everything settled in place. But AMEN to the peeing afterwards. It's been on my must-do list for many a year (along with the ceremonious scrubdown beforehand).
43. Chris said:
My baby is seven months old. We reconvened the procedure when he was five months old. That was a mistake we haven't made again since, if you know what I mean and it's clear you do.
Right now, I don't care if we ever reconvene again, ya know?
44. Very Mom said:
We reconvened after the requisite 6 weeks. AND I CRIED AND CRIED WITH THE PAIN AND AGONY. After that, it was touch and go for a full YEAR. The midwife had given me a fecking HONEYMOON stitch, see Jake's birth story on my website, which complicated matters significantly.
I under no circumstances of torture recommend the archaic honeymoon stitch. Not to anyone. Ever.
45. Kelli said:
Very Mom, I actually thought of you when I read this, b/c I remember reading that story on your blog. What a cruel, cruel, evil thing for someone to do.
Dooce (and Jon!) - congrats on reconvening the procedure. May you have many more happy procedures to come.
46. beachgal said:
We waited the requisite six weeks, as well. I made the obligatory trip to the pharmacy for condoms and lubricant after getting the all clear from the OB. It wasn't painful for me, guess I was lucky. Kudos to you and Jon. I had to share this post with my hubby, but he doesn't quite get why I read about another person's life on the internet. He deserves a bonk on the head!
47. Gia said:
It took me 9 months to do the "procedure". But because of my fucker of a doctor and the nice THREE cuts he did to me - I can do the procedure as much as I want now (after 9 months of hell, and not being able to stand up straight) - but no more kids for me.
Ya - what people don't tell you about having babies could fill an f-ing encyclopedia. (sorry - 4 years later and I am STILL pissed)
48. Gia on Guam said:
OOohh you changed little Leta to "bottomless oppossum".
I don't have any story about reconvening the procedure after having a botomless oppossum but I will say I dreamed about proceduring with Ben Affleck last night. And he's not even on my HOT list. Now Raoul Bova and Olivier Martinez is a totally different story. Ben won 6 beers with his procudureal performance (this dream thing so amuses me).
Post 47, nice name.
49. liminalspace said:
Yes, They certainly do fail to mention UTIs as a consequence of proceeding. Many a time (in the midst of peeing fireblood) have I cursed the inadequate sex ed curriculum at the middle school I went to.
50. poppy said:
There is such a huge variance in reconvening procedures. I know one friend who proceeded with her husband while she still had stitches.... others who have taken several months to get back to proceedings. Doctors generally do not respect women's perineums. Tears generally heal faster and better than episiotomy. Women - ASK YOUR DOCTOR BEFORE YOU GO INTO LABOUR IF HE/SHE CUTS UNECESSARY PARTS OF YOUR BODY!!! Women's perineums very very rarely benefit from episiotomy.. no matter what bullshit story your Dr tells you.
51. Wendy said:
My two favorite euphemisims for sex are "flinging Laundry" and "fighting crime". Reconvening the proceedure has never come up- but congrats to you and Jon!
And don't feel bad, my friend had her baby between nursing shifts and her daughter's head popped out when no one was in the room with her. The baby made her own episiotomy, and my friend and her husband didn't "reconvene" for almost a year. In fact, most of my friends who have kids waited much longer than the 3-6 month mark. Don't worry!
52. Katrina said:
I had the totally opposite problem when reconvening after my son was born. I don't think I had enough stitches. Forget tampons, now they just fell out! Thank god for Kegel exercises (ten at every stoplight or every time you hear Roxanne on the radio), or there would be no point to reconvening at all.
53. Michael said:
oh my god... THATS what the procedure was!!!
Oh man, I am so glad Im gay
54. leyla said:
Your posts are so damn entertaining.. i think i love them.
55. kim said:
no procedure for poor me in a loooong time. my vagina is fine, but i left my baby in indiana (not SF) on january 2nd of 2004 after sharing him with his entire family for only three weeks..go figure..
56. samantha said:
Go, Heather and Jon! I'm glad to know I wasn't the only saying to myself, 'I think they...yeah.'
hooray for reconvening the procedure!
57. Kimberley said:
Whoa, dude. I am happy that ya'll are keeping up with the procedure, but ... I'm 22 and just decided that I am not having a baby. I love my who-who too much. (Can you love a who-who too much?)
*Sigh*
My mom started calling my parts "who-who" because I would ask what it was called, and she would say "who"? My mom was not cool enough to call it a cheeseburger.
58. Lyn said:
Oh! I forgot the horrors of reconvening the procedure. Oh lord, thats enough to make me hurl. My husband turned over in bed after week 4 and accicendtly kneed me in the area where you'd reconvene and broke open my stitches. Emergnacy visit, restitched. I bled for like a month more. He cut off his knees and we had to wait 3 months more. lol But I honestly thought the first poop was more painful than the first procedure reconvening. I assumed the first reconvening would be painful, I didnt have a clue about the first poop! They gave me 2 cans of that spray for numbing and I used both on the first poop!
Bless you Heather and Jon, sharing honestly and with so much humor amidst your love of each other is the most beautiful thing I've seen in a long while!
KUDOS!
59. HazelEyedPisces said:
Dooce, you've done it again - I'm SO empathizing. Somehow you've made me giggle while I'm doing so though, and I'm sure my office-mates are wondering what's wrong with me. BUT, to comfort you: It took us basically 7 months to reconvene. Wisely (ha!) I decided to try a new birth control which, ironically, had me 'unable' to convene. My hub was ready to find a hole in the wall somewhere, poor guy. Cheers to you and Jon on the convening (or is that convention? hmmm... sounds to "group").
60. Kristin said:
Um...yeah...I don't think I want to get pregnant anymore...thanks for the heads up. (pun intended)