FIRST!

1st

Beautiful. Spring is finally here!

YOure all EVIl. Great photo though

lovely!

That picture is the essence of Spring. Thank you, Heather!

KATIE WAS FIRST. Go Katie Go Katie.....

top 10!

delurking to be in the top 10!

pretty

That's really beautiful. Morning everyone!

I guess our day of silence away from the trolls couldn't last another day. Here I go - PLOP! Mmmm, you wanna see my turd?

First time to site - interesting blog. How did you get the word out that you had a blog?

Oh, and how trashy IS hell? I would like to know.

thank you, heather, for the lovely springy photos. they make the most gorgeous desktop backgrounds. i'm also a fan of the pics of leta, but having a stranger's baby on your screen just opens the door for too many awkward explanations & strange looks.

The flowers on the plum tree are really amazing. I have never actually seen a plum tree in person. Better than the crappy banana trees you see around here.

Unfortunately, whether or not people argue with the trolls, they still stick around. It was so nice yesterday to not have to deal with them.

hey, katie-the-last-and-first-trashy-as-hell-with-no-official-life, you made me LAUGH, you and your hyper-hyphenated self;)

pretty plum tree; made me squint out the windows at my trees, but there's nothin' happenin' here yet:(

'plum' is one of my favorite words. great photo.

Pretty. We bought my mom a flowering pear tree for her birthday a while ago, but there are no flowers or pears to speak of.

fuckin a I want a tree that blooms. I a small one in my back yard and it smells delisous. But i want another one.

spring is here!!! that pic just made my day, now i can be happy the rest of the day knowing that somewhere in Utah a tree is blooming

I want that photo in our baby's room. That's fantastic!

Naralius, something even more beautiful:
someone in Utah being de-flowered

they are chestnut trees. i know because i am a botanist. and muffie IS cuter than chuck. if chuck had a snarl on his face he wouldn't look so cute...

hmm Muffy... i dont get it.. can you explain it to me

oh god, the chestnut trees.

hiiidihooo, you wouldn't have time to see muffers snarl because she zooms off so fast. now get back to work. and what does a botanist know about the fauna anyhow?

that is all.

Its not that difficult, N, Think about it...de-flowered???

muffers has the sweetest personality. she would have to be backed in a corner to show her teeth.

who's back?

im a proud illigal imigrant in this country and english is my second language.. im trying hard but still i dont get it

Very Purdy Picture Heather!

The Bradford Pears are also Jizz smelling trees.

That's right, Katie! I still don't understand de-flowered???

Bucky: plummer's crack! HA!

WHEWT im in the top 100. lolz

but could you get her backed into a corner?

you're still not working. not even at RMK.

crazy suggestion: how 'bout we let _*dooce*_ handle the people she deems to be a problem on her public internet site, and the rest of us just comment about the picture and other fun, light-hearted topics?

it's a public site. All Are Welcomed. she'll handle those comments she doesn't like. she a big girl like that.

peace.

Ok, does anyone else thing jizz (even faintly) smells like bleach?

Like I'll use my husbands towel and well I smell it, I am not sure if it is clean freshness or seminal discard.

I wish it smelled like bleach. Then I wouldn't have to wash my sheets.

Raz, you made "dooce" *bold* and _italic_ simultaneously.

You are so totally my new hero.

How did you do that?

*_trying it now_*

i'm working...smarter "snort*

no muff definitely sees things a mile off. she's no fool.

are we trolls? if so i hardly fit the definition. you might be though :)

Good for you SFG! If I lived in NOLA, I'd be in big trouble!

*_?_*

set this as my desktop photo and it looks so pretty! thanks heather!

i've been MIA...2 weeks ago, the girl who lived with us (until about a year ago) while she was in college killed herself. She jumped off an overpass into traffic. It was a split second decision. She had history of depression and was always struggling with meds but she still kept a smile on her face and she was loved so much by all. Her mom's heart is broken beyond belief...she was the only girl of 4 children. She was also my best friend's sister in law. She was 19 yrs old and like family to us. thanks for listening. I've been having such a hard time with this. :(

HEATHER YOUR PHOTO CHEERED ME UP THIS MORNING!

Long time lurker.
Beautiful pictures.They brighten my day. Thanks for sharing your creativity and laughs.

#54 Cheryl: I totally know what your talking about. I remember those trees in Georgia too.

Let it bloom, let it bloom, let it bloom!

Spring has sprungeth - woo hoo.

My thoughts and prayers are with you Andrea.

Andrea in Canada: I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I can't imagine how hard that is to deal with, especially for her mother.

God bless you, and your friend's family as well.

Jess, whassup with the kitty? Do I need to send kitty mojo your way?

I like trees. I like pretty trees. And I also think semen smells like bleach, thankful that it doesn't taste like it. Not that I would know.

Does anyone find that semen tastes like wing sauce? Or is that just me? Silence???? Um, ok. LOLOL

Andrea, so sorry for your loss. That is rough.

Crossing fingers

which one? missy-poo? she should remember who feeds her.

yeah schmoos :). i recommend fabulous furry freak bros magazines to anyone. funny as hell :).

I wish it tasted like wing sauce..lol!

if jizz tasted like coke, we could teach the world to sing.

oh boy! top 100!!! when has THAT happened.

DAMN!

Thanks for the _*hug*_ Raz.

What a lovely picture! Our trees are *just* beginning to bud. I don't suppose you know what variety of plum that is? Someday when I have a yard in which I can plant things, I'd love to have one of those. I always enjoy reading your posts; thank you for sharing your thoughts with us!

Love the shallow depth of field. I wish my digital camera had a manual feature.

Cornbread? HAHA!

LOL, Smokey Joe. That was a good un.

Very pretty. Wish my trees look like that. Mine look like the landscaping around a Scooby Doo haunted house.

the market is up! yay!

you should go over to some financial sites like ragingbull. now those are some trolls. whew!

I want to drown myself in a pool of cum.

To swallow until I can't swallow anymore.

And as I lay on display for the whole world to see someone will nudge their neighbor and wonder if I smell like bleach.

Cheryl & greenthumb:

you're really taking me back...born in Anderson, SC...raised in NE Georgia. the stinky trees and daffodils were the signs of spring.

Semen tasting like wing sauce, hmmm. Gross, gross, and grosser. The taste of that particular substance is not something I like to think about- rinse, rinse, rinse and try not to breathe before you can rinse.

It actually makes me nauseous- if I swallow it.

it bounced. not to say it couldn't crash tomorrow.

Andrea, I wish I could hug you.

And what is the big thing with swallowing. Why does it make men feel more manly to have a chick drink that shit?

I wish we could see a picture of Leta doing the sleepy-thumbsucking-crawl, it sounds hilarious!

The time change done fucked me up.
If I fly from New York to California, I get jetlag.

Why don't they taste it and see what they think?

That's exactly right Michelle, they watch porn and then want to act it out!

Although it is not my favorite, I swallow.
I'm a vegetarian. I need the protein.

You know they think that's "REALLY" how we all are, except the one they are with she's the cold fish

Well, hell, who _doesn't_ want to act out porn?

Oh, dear. Have I overshared again?

Torrie (#153): That cracked me up. Protein indeed!

They poor tree is getting overshadowed by semen.......how sad

Texbecks- Glad I can bring you back! I actually think I started this whole convo :-( OOPS!

Laydybug, When my husband and I talk about BJ's we call them "Protein shakes".

e

_shaking head and trying not to laugh out loud at Torrie's protein shake comment_

Yeah but Berta I am married and my husband doesn't want me coming home with sticky jizz hair.

Oh...hahaha!

Cheryl - when were you at Clemson?

One of my happiest college memories was going to a drive-in porn theatre with a carload of girlfriends, turning down the sound, and we filled in the "dialogue." Hi-larious.

I graduated in 2003. Not too long ago- but it seems like forever. I go back every weekend for football and extreme tailgating! You?

Mine likes to make the wet spot on my side and then act like he didn't know

I wuv it!

Andrea in Canada: I'm in Canada, too. Ont, to be exact. Let me know if there's anything I can do. I'm so sorry, and I'm praying for you.

Here's to NO time change in Indiana, and may it ever stay that way (Indiana Statehouse be cursed if it changes!)

We're not off...the rest of the country is ;)

I used to watch porn with this toad friend of mine (he looks like a cross between Tom Arnold and Phil Collins) and we would turn the sound down and do commentary, Regis and Kathie Lee style. So we're watching this and I say to him, "Lifer, I think I'd rather have sex with you than Ron Jeremy."
Lifer: "Muff, that's the NICEST thing you've said to me ALL YEAR!"

Which leads me to believe, I must say the nastiest things to my friends.

I feel the same way Andrea!

I mean AndreaBT...don't want to get confused! And funny...I said it's too much...but I just keep reading. I can't look away...

# Berta said at 09:48AM, 04.06.2005:

"And they never want to sleep in the wet spot…"

My sweetie of a man always wants to switch with me so I'm not the one on the wet spot....I'm tellin' ya, he's a keeper!

Ben,

Um, ok. I volunteer.

Only in Utah could you get analogized to Hitler for being "risque" on a blog!! I'm sooo glad that I escaped that place.

I'm taller!

197 ....teehee

googoo gajoob

I need to stop looking at the blogs of people who are further along in spring than we are here in northern Maine. Oh, wait. That's everyone. I should just put my laptop away until June.

*I was in PEARL HARBOR!*

I miss you JLo. This Alias chick has no ass.

Jenie, I know what you mean about not being able to look away...like a car wreck, eh? ;)

I'm wondering if Ben Affleck is also Pokey (who's hung LIKE. A. HORSE.) because he posts the same short funny one-liners.

I wish I was pokey.
At least he was smart enough to not make Gili.

Damn it, Ben is a woman? I just volunteered to do him. Crap.

GIGLI!

that is a beautiful picture

I gotta go get my hair plugs touched up.
Peace out!

did you actually see it?

GLITTER!!!! Oh God, I could not deal with Mariah Carey for that length of time. I would gouge out my eyeballs. Ew.

Raz-
All I have to type is "doo" and my browser knows where I want to go!

Show of hands:

How many people just typed _doogle.com_ into their address bar, just to check it out?

_waving hand_

Southern Fried Girl ~ I thought you volunteered to fuck Matt Damon (Ben Affleck said Fuck Matt Damon to which you said you volunteered). Since you were actually volunteering to fuck Ben then I volunteer to fuck Matt!

Annabelle-
Seriously, I feel like I little kid if I don't leave at least *something* down there!

i know.. porn is so wrong, it really messes uo sex, my boyfriend is always comming up with this really wierd ideas i know his taking from porn.. how can a "golden shower" be a turn on????

I hear ya about the Brazilian thing but I gotta admit that at least a certain amt of waxing makes for a nice clean work space for your man and you feel a lot more. It makes the pain from the RIPPING almost worth it.

Ern: "doo"...how appropriate that it knows! *doo=poo.* i think i'm over the whole pooh thing though. i think i'm more lovin' the grocery-store-shopping-walking-to-starbucks stories. oh, and the i-called-beth-twenty-times-today-best-friends stories.

southern fried girl said at 09:14AM, 04.06.2005:
It also depends on what that person eats. Any sort of slightly smelly veggie (asparagus is particularly bad) and you will about pass out. Fruit, think lots of fruit.

-- I'm not sure if someone's posted yet that PINEAPPLE is the key. Fresh pineapple will make you want to drink your sweetie's man juice for breakfast.

Annabelle - I agree! I dated a guy who had tried to gradually 'break me in' to the world of porn - He waited for a few weeks, but then I FOUND HIS COLLECTION!!! I was not enthused...one time we were 'busy' and I suddenly heard that pow-chicky-pow-pow music going in the background, and realized he'd turned the TV and VCR on and had a video going (all started without my noticing) - now, I'm sorry, but I had seen pictures of several girls he'd dated before me and I was easily his best yet, even going back to his young buck days of undergrad...but he stilllll had to have this shit on to get it up!?!?

Ben A. WISHES he had THIS.

Hung like a HORSE. Only me.

Nothing says lovin like man juice for breakfast

Katie,

GS = bad. I don't get that either. How disgusting.

“I feel like a practicing Jew who is sneaking a peek at Hitler’s blog,”

For some reason this statement gave me a serious case of the giggles. I think it's the exaggeration factor. To me it's more like reading a Mormon reading Jerald and Sandra Tanner's blog.

:p

its just gross..

(sfg: was driving in traffic yesterday at 4pm leaving nola and thought about'cha. wondered if you were just as stuck in that crap from yesterday...)

Actually it was cleared up by the time I left at five. I was driving across the river but I imagine driving to Metairie had to SUCK. Brilliant idea having a motivational seminar on a TUESDAY.

enter the idiot -

what's digging in the mud refer to?

Porn is not all bad, people.

AJ ~~ hot ass sex...literally.

i took the same route as you; didn't head to metairie, but that probably stunk too. and i was pretty motivated - it was cool! and payton manning's a hottie.

Mmmmm... butt sex

... I... have.. Gumby...

Torrie...you...are....a....bad....bad....girl

Yea, Annejellyn, that's what I'm talking about. Some people can check out porn for "entertainment," like some people can drink socially. And some others can't manage decent boundaries and the result is devastating. Not saying anything is "ALL BAD," just that porn addiction is a horrendous, and growing, problem.

Annejelynn, I'm sorry to hear about that. Susie is right, you are very pretty and better off without him! He was a total fool!

my plums are bursting...or have we done that one already??

I do think all porn is bad- sorry for being boring, strizz. I don't know, I used to watch it sometimes and just feel so horrible- watching these people I didn't know and "using" them essentially (even though they were getting paid and all that) and I just started to hate it. And I hate feeling like either partner needs it, that the partner is just not enough. It used to be, back in the day, that someone you liked just brushing up against you or kissing you got you going. Teenagers could get a lot of fantasy miles out of that kind of contact. Now, they think they need to perform oral sex on one another (or in reality, the guys feel the need to make the girls go down on them because teenage boys do not GIVE head). I mean, how gross! And I guarantee a lot of it has to do with easily accessible internet porn is.

heather: would you send me a higher resolution version of that photo? i'd love to make a framed photo. with all TM, C, R, SM notation for you of course.

and wicked fun, you are not alone...

um, katie, not to sound troll like or anything cause this is totally coming from a place of love, but yeah, girl. i agree.

you DO need a life.

or i need your job. you are actually getting paid right now? i don't even have a job right now and can't spend that much time online.

Spring has sprung, huh?

Jimbo, I DO have a job, and the odd thing is, I spend ALL my time online. You might think getting paid to do squat is fun, but NEGATIVE. Anyone want to hire me to do something FUN?

Amazing photo.

Astonished... you may not be entirely alone, but you may be 'here'

Jess - glad the kitty is A-OK, if annoyed.

About the swallowing: Men do not learn that from porn, because there IS NO SWALLOWING in any porn I've ever seen. The jizz must be visible, you see. That's why it's the money shot. He might have his love shillelagh jammed so far down her throat he can tickle her lungs, but when it comes time for the super soaker to let go, you know you're gonna see the whole glorious fountain, every drop of man chowder must be viewable.

Wow. Now I need to go smoke.

Sex toys are another thing- I mean seriously, besides some K-Y jelly what do we really need?

Penis- check.
Vagina- check.
Two boobs (albeit small)- check.
two mouths and two tongues- check.
nerve endings- check.
nakedness- check.

That's all I have to say.