It says "Product of Blurbodoocery", Alicia. We talked about it some 200 comments ago, but only whackos like Muffy and me read each and every comment. Muffy, I want a Ranchwagon hoddog. With cheese and chili. Hold the flying cockroaches.

Do these Ranchwagon-y things live in PA? Should I go eat one? It sounds like a transformative experience...

Chuck is HOT. And I am sure he would like to stick his pink tongue in your ear, if you'd let him. I just want to hug him really hard whenever I look at this picture. And pinch his nose. It looks like a piece of Godiva chocolate. Yummmers.

Bucky, Gee that sounds neat, its a shame I wasnt born yet in the 60's, being as Im so young and all that.

Effie, transformative indeed. The Ranchwagon was what made me who I am today. Northeastern Pennsylvania doesn't offer much in the means of education, jobs, or entertainment, but they have the best damn hotdogs ever. If you're ever in Dallas, PA, YOU MUST GO THERE. Plus, you get to drive up to it and they bring the food to your car. So retro.

SFG- I know that there is a place in Meterie somewhere that has the most awesome Po'Boys EVER! I try to grab me one when I visit NOLA!

KBBAW-I want a Ranchwagon hoddog too! Next time you go to PA, you gotta sneak one on the plane for me!

Now I'm hungry!

Plum - who couldn't love little baby jesus? What's wrong with people?

Jess - I'll take no lip from you, whippersnapper. Just 'cause I do Geritol body shots means nothin', absolutely nothin'.

You gotta get the whole experience, Berta. You must venture to PA with me to see this place in person. Those dogs are fantabulous. Orgasmic, even. I think I experienced my first orgasm eating one of those weiners at the Ranchwagon when I was about twelve years old. That's how good they are.

But, he's a dog with sex appeal!

Is that a green clover, or are you happy to see me?

His ears look so good I could bite them.

You're right, I should go to PA with you to visit the Ranchwagon!

Bucky baby I am always happy to see you, walker, geritol, support hose and all.

But you can sit on my lap and we can talk about my clover anytime you want.

Bucky - Yeah! 'Holy' or 'holey' what's the difference?

Try BenGay body shots...it *burns*.

Jess, you sure you want someone as old and infirm as I am to perch on your clover? At my age, accidents do happen, you know.

Plum - actually, your comment makes me think of the first time Jim and I, uh, played mattress tag. I got this totally brutal leg cramp, started to make the appropriate leg-cramp-at-the-wrong-time noises, and he naturally assumed that the noises were in response to his erotic mastery.
Once we got the misunderstanding cleared up, he was very nice and helped me apply Ben Gay to my calves.
Oooooh, sexy minty!

Crab rangoon--I don't really know what it is, but boy is it tasty! The cheap chinese food place down the street has the best crab rangoon!
Where was that Ranchwagon in PA? (not that I'm ever there...)Sounds good..

crab what????

That's what I get for living in the southwest.

Katie, I'm officially offended. How dare you say we have no entertainment here in the Rust Belt? Haven't you been to the Noxen Volunteer Fire Company's Annual Rattlesnake Roundup? Or even better, the Cherry Blossom Festival?
All kidding aside (the rattlesnake round up is NO JOKE), we do have some great local bands. If you heard of Breaking Benjamin, they are from here. But the best local band, in my opinion(and I've said this before, don't hurt me) is The George Wesley Band. You can listen to some of his catalogue and live shows at georgewesley.com. The dude is a total hippie. George, I love ya, and you are SO playing at our post-wedding celebration

I've seen that Coskal. Big Beaver Rd. It cracks me up!

Effie - Apparently you're riding with me and Bertha. We can roll three deep in my crappy-ass Echo.

Bucky - Why do leg cramps only happen in the middle of good lovin' or when you're asleep? You know, the two activities that I hate havign interrupted?

There could be a worse time to get a leg cramp than those two. If you get a leg cramp whilst running from a masked man in an alley that attempted to rob you...I'd say that would be a bad time to get a leg cramp.

Thank you Dawners for the description. (re#335)

I was at a loss for words on how to describe. I thought everybody knew what it was!

Or if you just had a boat accident in the Atlantic and trying to swim back to shore!

Ya, I think it has something to do with the potassium in salt! You could also try eating a banana before sex, or during sex for that matter..haha!

I'm sure this isn't exclusive to Missouri, but we have a lovely Testicle Festival here every year. I love the billboards on the highways for it!

Oh, other hicktown crap we have in NEPA....You animal lovers will ADORE this one. It's called the Hegins Pidgeon Shoot, in Hegins, Pa. Its so repugnant, I find it hard to discuss. But I will try. For CHARITY sake, they release pidgeons, and people SHOOT them. If the bird gets hit, but doesnt immediately expire, little boys run out onto the field and BREAK THEIR NECKS! They FINALLY stopped this heinous display of torture a few years back, because it cost too much money to provide security from all the animal rights people. RIGHT ON PETA. But I'm still eating a steak tonight.

KBBAW - do you guys call them by another name than Crab Rangoons? I luvs me some rangoons.

Poor birds!

I think it was again, for their volunteer fire/ambulance company, but don't get me to lying. I don't want any pidgeon shooting rednecks coming over to my house to put my PC up on blocks. Or J-Lo. She's not allowed in my house. Ever. Did you hear that, Cheeze-Lo? Good. Because, I don't want there to be any confusion on your part.

I thoguth chuck was only here on Friday????

Slightly off-topic, has anyone here used Squarespace for their blog?

*Giggles*: I haven't attended a formal Testicle Festival, but I held one of my own once. It was well-attended, but the locals were none too pleased about the sign.

I'm in the STL area, but travel around the inner-MO areas a lot for camping.

I'm a little frightened by the people posting amorous odes to the Chuckmeister. Honestly. Perhaps I should be a little more open-minded?...

Nah. Can't wrap my mind 'round it. I may be a misplaced redneck, but no sexy shenanigans with doggies! Just say NO, Chuck!

Meow.

Muffy - What's with people in PA killing things. Every other person I meet here is a hunter...My last boss used to have me send pictures of deer he shot to his son. Ick, dude. Send it your damn self.

I live to crack people up. I'm leaving in 40 minutes myself. YAY to cracking up and then leaving!

Katie,

It appears to be countdown time. One hour and 36 minutes. :)

That picture of Leego with Jon at the piano is the cutest thing, EVER EVER EVER. I didn't even think I wanted babies, but it turns out...I want YOUR baby! Not in the dirty way though, that sounded bad. :-\ Too cute, Dooce! You should be tremendously proud!

My cat is brave. I think she would go for a German Shepard.

Yay countdown! 1 hour 29 minutes!

Babies touching your face is the best. My niece was touching my face as I fed her a bottle the other day. It made my heart crumble into a million pieces and tears come to my eyes. Then she pulled my hair really hard and I really started crying. But she's 4 months, so she is allowed.

After reading Leta's 14 month letter...

Not. Getting. Emotional. At. Work.

...

For real...

What is the Marlboro Man without his cigarette??

He's not a bad boy anymore! Just a guy with a hat and a horse!

Sigh.

I know there's lots of nice people in Texas pleasedon'thitme...

SP, that is a funny story! Actually, that cowboy should have kept his mouth shut because they are gonna ban smoking in restaurants here in Houston...bummer! KBBAW and I are really pissed off about it!

Well, do you want a tag along for the road trip? We could meet some sexy cowboys! Or....are YOU a cowboy? Hmmmmm

I agree Muffy, I know that not everyone wants to smell our smoke, but the drunk driving is definitely a problem! I think having a "smoking section" is good enough so as not to offend the non-smokers!

I wish I could be more emotional and sentimental, but.....OH WELL.

It's not just the smelling of the smoke. It is the smelling of smoke when leaving a place...and the harm that second hand smoke does in general. You may not hear of anyone dropping dead of it immediately, but I developed asthma because of it...and that is only because I visited my grandma [a heavy smoker] every Saturday when I was younger. yay for asthma...and not being able to breathe. It's fun.

Essence of Boozehound

Okey Dokey Artichokey.
It's 5:00 my time.
That means time to go home!!
WHOO HOO
Have a good night!

Bye Vaida!

...at restaurants I like to smell the food. Not what is coming out of someones lungs [or butt] for that matter.

Kassi, as I mentioned before, I HAVE NEVER HEARD of ANYONE dropping dead of SECOND HAND SMOKE! You know what I want? All the HOURS I've wasted in my car waiting for the person in front of me to GET OFF THE PHONE and GET ON THE GAS! Those hours I will never get back. I could have been reading Dooce or eating pop-tarts. But no. I was behind some bimbo in a daddy-bought audi.... I could go on and on with this rant.

You know what's even more vile than smelling cigarette smoke in a restaurant? Looking at a server who has NO BUSINESS wearing lo-rise jeans. I will NEVER go into a Ruby Tuesday's again (big loss, hunh?) I lost my appetite as this beast walks by with her GUT hanging out over her jeans. Yuck. Ill take a cold greasy pork sandwich served up in a dirty ashtray ANYTIME over that.

I guess a slow death, or gasping for air isn't bad enough to warrant someone asking another person to please stop. Ah well...I can't get my healthy lungs back either. And my grandma can't stop the cancer.

Actually I'll pick Kassi's fart, even if it doesn't smell like candy, cause farts don't get stuck in your hair.

I think.

Do they?

OMG KBBAW...haha! I like chinese food farts...those are awesome!

P.S. Kassi - I'm sorry you have Asthma, and I'm sorry your grandmother has to fight cancer. Sending up a good though for both of you.

thank you SP, that's very sweet :)

There was a lady at my church back home who would make these awesome cookies called sand tarts. They are really thin and crispy. Well she had a habit of farting a lot. And one of the old ladies in the church SWORE she wouldn't eat those cookies because the farts stuck to the dough when they were being made. I thought they tasted good. Then again, I like to smell my own farts, so who am I to say.

So Spurious, I wouldn't be too sure about farts sticking to clothing.

That is soooo funny! I wonder if farts can really stick to cookie dough???

Wasn't there a dude who farted himself to death?

Have you ever read that book "Like Water for Chocolate"? The chick in that book farted herself to death.

Farted himself to death? I never heard that...what did he do, light them, and blew himself up?

Turns out it was an urban legend, but it's still funny:

http://tinyurl.com/65j3e

I saw that Kassi. He was like cleaning the elephant's ass, or something. Like wiping off some dung. And the elephant got annoyed and say his ass right on the guy's head. Now that is a job - elephant dung wiper.

It must have been hot inside that elephant's bunghole.

That's ok KBBAW, I shouldn't have asked. Speaking of embarrassing, remember that girl that used to live next to us with the disgusting apartment. The smell of farts are GREAT compared to her apartment..hehe!

Oh, wow, I didn't mean to interrupt or change the subject...honest...but I just HAD to say how much I love Chuck.

Chuck, I love you. A lot.

And now, back to our regularly scheduled commentary. On farts.

I've gotta go too, work is SO over.

Fart Away!

Bye SP and Kassi!

OMG, we should so submit a letter to that show! Her apartment would definitely qualify as being bad enough! The kitty litter used to be filled to the max, and it was in the kitchen...EEEWWW!!!!

I hate when I have to fart at work!

I hate when I have to fart at work too. People are always walking through my office.

Gia ~ I bet Letas shirt saying Dooce was done on purpose. Either way I too love that it says Dooce.

It is really invigorating to tell someone off at the end of the day, isn't it? 26 minutes! FART!

15 more minutes.

haha, I know Danika. To go through 450 comments is, um, well crazy. Like me.

Its not so hard to go through if you read them throughout the day which is what I normally do. When I'm busy though and come in when there are already a couple hundred.. well I tend to just read some. :)

Sadly, I'm still here.

Humming is good for the sinuses.

"_Oh, getting your head stuck in an elephant’s ass would suck! Especially if the elephant had to fart or poop!_"

It does.

I owe....I owe, it's off to work I go!

I HAVE to stop reading your Leta letters at work - I sit open plan and have to explain away my giggles and tears every time! That said - half my office is now addicted and when I look over my grey partition at every other sniffler I know what they're doing!

Poop.

She's such a gorgeous baby. Happy 14 months!

Pokey,

I am still not buying it without proof.

I'm constipated.

I noticed nobody asked Dr. J.F. for pictures. Why do you believe him and not me?

LIKE. A. HORSE.

2 prunes for me and I'm on the crapper

Good Dog, Chuck!

There was this one time on Star Trek when the Klingon, Worf, was feeling down, so he went into the Ferengi's bar and ordered prune juice. He says it is a Warrior's Drink.
I say it gets the plumbing going.....

chuck's so perdy. he needs the white dress and the blonde wig.

Kassi, you mean, "Oh, crappy day!" Congratulations to both of you:)

Lovin' it and I don't even have children.

Person who cook ham and pees in pot......very unhygenic!

Stop lurkin Henry!
I'm BACK!!!!!!!

last

lol I wanna be last

Thanks Ladymadaysia !
You are the best..
and I am last .. :-)

I may be last

Last!

500!!!

You can be last. I really just wanted 500...

well, if you're gonna be that way about it, maybe you won't be last afterall...

Life? whats that? HAHA NOW, I'm last! (evil laugh)

Shit. Poop. Fuck.

Im so last :-)

I think Chuck is a mix of different things.

LAST!

:-)

I want the new picture of the day. So I can be first. Because what else do I have to do. Damn, Muffy, that is a lot of cash for a damn clutch. Then again, I have never had to buy a clutch. You may as well buy a new car!

Katie, are you kidding me? I've gotta pay for my post wedding bash, the rest of my honeymoon, yada yada yada...Besides, I've only put a couple a thousand into my baby since i bought her in 199 friggin 5...Me and that car, we've been through old boyfriends, former flames, and THE ex....we're in it together.

good morning. where's our picture???? i cant wait

Last!

No, ME.

You have to say something witty in order to be last. Heather doesn't pick just anybody. ;-)

Good morning y'all. We are having lovely weather in the Big Easy - tornado warning and hail. And I get to go get my hair done today. I have stellar timing, no?

721.88 that is too much for a clutch!!!! i changes my for 450.00 and is a Honda. so look arround before you pay that much.

Tornado? ewwww. I'd still get my hair done. Have fun SFG!

OKay, here's the deal. I stopped at the dollar store yesterday, the "Family Dollar" to be correct, bought a box of tampons, panty liners, an 8 pack of fudge brownies...and....26 BOXES of easter clearance PEEPS! I am SOOO cramping and hormonal, that I HAVE TO BE LAST! Don't the Peeps speak for themselves in this situation? ANd my car....721.88! I need a drink.

Aw, I suck. Prantboarters is a stupid word.

I have a little blue Peeps bunny sitting on my desk, left over from Easter. She's hard as a rock, and her sparkly aquamarine blue sugar shell is cracking, but by damn, she's the cutest little Peeps! Cute as a button, I tell ya!

KBBAT: And that's a BAD thing?

I meant KBBAW.

heh

peeps suck. yuck.

Here's the deal with cars. I just got out of a hell job working at a high-end car dealership. This isnt my blog, so I'm not worried about losing a job I already quit. Anyway, ya know those obnoxious Porsche Cayenne SUV gas guzzling pieces of crap? They have TWENTY SEVEN recalls out on them. Now that number might have gone up, but I'm sorry, people are nuts to be so into their money that they'd buy a "great car" and have to bring it in every other week, because the window won't go all the way down (Katie, VW's are GREAT for that computer glitch - hope your bug is still under warranty).

Am I last? Don't know.Am i an idiot (i don't know if retard is banned from the other day - wouldnt wish to OFFEND anyone)? Im an idiot.

Nah, Muffy. You can say retard. As long as you aren't referring to real life retards.

I park everyday next to this piece of shit Porsche Cayenne. I was like "What the shit is a Cayenne?" It is rather ugly, too. Who the hell would spend all that money on that thing? And with gas at like 2.30 a gallon, you have to be on crack to want that. 2.30 a gallon! Remember when gas was like 69.9?

So that butt-ugle Porsche SUV is called a Cayenne? As in cayenne pepper? WTF?

Katie are you a VW girl? Me too! I drive a Pasaat though, not a bug.

Why no new picture yet? Not that the pic of Chuck is not cute but I am ready for a new one. :)

Hehe...funny you think the Cayenne is ugly, but both drive VW's. The VW Touareg is modeled after the Cayenne. Just useless info I thought I'd throw in there. I work at a VW dealership.

Yeah, those repairs are INSANE. I have one of those husbands who fixes everything...y'know...he's got lots of useful tricks and skills. But it is SUCH a pain to get to the oil thingamajig in my Pasaat that he send me to the dealership to have the oil changed. (Jiffy Lube did it once and they left like 5 screws out of some thing that goes on the bottom of the car...it was technical, I tuned out). It just KILLS him to not change the oil himself. I laugh.

Jenie...yeah, I'm not really a fan of the Toureg either. When it comes to SUVs...I'm a Tahoe or Yukon kind of girl.

Maybe waiting for the new pic is a good thing. I just went to the archives and looked at the pics of Leta on her first few newsletters. I can't help but smile at all the cuteness.

Happy Wednesday everybody!

I guess you have bills to pay

Moment that I almost lost my job at car dealership:
Me: (Phone operator): Blank Blank Motors, How may i direct your call?
Customer: This is Doctor So-and-So, and I want to know what the hell is going on with my wife's volkswagon!
Me: (Thinking evil thoughts - Well Dr. So-and-So, I'd like to know why your wife isnt driving a BMW)

I bit my tongue a LOT at that job.

I always want to know what the hell is going on with Volkswagen. Maybe I need to get a BMW.