Oh Lord, first?

It's a Mormon thing...

top ten. now I can sleep.

Wow, jordan you're hard core, man. It's 10.45am in London...

top ten? It can't be. I'm willing to come out of lurkerdom just in case though!

I know I'm a bit late on this one, but I love the new layout!

Sorry that would be 12:35 PM. Silly.

Kinda like what needed is the four fingered salute, maybe. Like the new look! go Mrs Armstrong.

Could we call the shape that his fingers make Gynecologist Hands?

Thanks.

at least they're well-dressed Mormon missionaries. I guess.

Loving the new masthead!

I agree, once you leave, you either continue to hare it....or you continue to hate it!

Get it? Mammary. MAMMARY!”AHHHHHH, memories!

He was holding an apple, gogads or something like that but doesn't realise it's gone??!!

A busier and more rustic design?

Ah!...almost time for wakey, wakey!

O M G!! They killed Kenny!

1 tequila, 2 tequila, 3 tequila, floor!

I wonder how often they paint that church.

Nice hands. Does this mean Jon is becoming a missionary?

And photographers that can shoot on an angle.

Oh Shazza, you have gone!

a penguin walks into a bar and askes the barman
"do you have any fish"
the barman looks at him and answers
" no its a bar we only serve chrips and beer
the penguin walks out. the next day the penguin walks in
"do you have any fish"
the barman looks at him
"i told you yesterday we only serve chrips and beer"
the penguin walks out only to return the next day
"do you have any fish"
the barman now angry tells the fish
"look i told you the other day no we dont serve fish we only serve beer and chrips an if you ask again i will nail your flippers to the floor"
the penguin walks out again, next day the penguin returns
"do u have any nails?"
the barman looks at the penguin and replies
"no"
the penguin looks hopeful
"ok then... do you have any fish???"

do you guys actualy get out of bed or stay up on purpose just to leave a comment on the top n here ? not that that isn't a good enough reason :)

8:06 Am here.

wonder if Heather wakes up to do it or has a clever script to do it for her just to see how far people would go to be first ;)

poop

I assume that she writes at about 3 a.m. her time, a time when her mentally creative juices are beginning to flow!

AAA....they roam in packs of two (2) on bicycles, dressed in black trousers,white shirts with tie and mandaitory name badge (hereforth shall be known as "the uniform")

Morning!! The new masthead looks fantastic as always Heather!!

super new layout, dooce!

your husband has fantastically beautiful hands.

Ooooh, goody! American Idol questions! Carmen Rasmusen and JPL were Mormons. This I know. Me? I like the Mormons. And that's a pretty temple. Were y'all there to mock pilgrimaging Mormons? Oooh, so SO mean... Heh. ;)

Good afternoon to you Natalia. Yes, I am from Australia (Oz). Its 22:28 here. and I am sure that I can hear my bed calling for me!

he definately has a gangsta look ;)

I think your #65 is correct.

Do not be provoked by evildoers

hullo!

Henry, those lads in "the uniform" you speak of sound like our (America's) Jehova's Witnesses.

I wonder if there's a uniform supply store for missionaries?

How interesting...I didn't see a new layout when I first got here (imagine my confusion)...then I clicked refresh for the comments...and lo and behold! New layout!

Me likey!

With the red shirt, Jon looks like he could be filling in for "The Willard Preacher" at Penn State University.

and, interestingly, seem to speak in an American drawl!

There's something about the phrases 'La Dolce Vita' and 'Missionaries' that just seems a little incongruous...

But I'm loving all this flowery greeness. Very cool.

wait... um...

are you from sydney?

Near Parramatta!

If the Mormon missionaries in our town had looked like that, I might have actually invited them into my house.

Deleted sounds like a female!

The bleached buildings are a little disconcerting.
Where's the pollution?

yes near cronulla!

THE shire! no, The Shire!

you haven't heard of the Shire, the Shire which is gods country itself?

thee hast not lived till the hast visiteth the Shire.

Edith, so endeth the lesson. Time for me to rest the weary noggin in a warm bed! Adieu!!

night henryk

100!

I was thinking over the weekend that the Vatican looks a lot like the SLC Temple.
Love the new masthead, Heather.

What's the matter, Eleanor, didn't get any this weekend?

I love the new masthead. It has a very Victorian feel.

That picture of John reminds me of the Mormons who used to show up on my friend's doorstep. She was a wayward ex-Mormon whose mother would send the Mormons to her door to get her to come back to the flock. And she was living 1200 miles away from her parents, who live in Ohio. Those Mormons have quite the grapevine going on. After a while, when we would see those Mormons coming, we would close all the blinds, turn off the tv, and hide under the table.

KBBAW - You just reminded me. My friends dad, Mr. C works at home, and has made a hobby out of freaking out missionaries, it's like a treat for him.

My friend called me laughing one afternoon, saying Mr. C had seen a missionary coming, and had answered the door flat on his stomach. He looked up at the missionaries like it was the most natural thing in the world for him to be sprawled out on the hardwood floor, and started asking them why God would do this to him.

The little missionaries fled, and apparently Mr. C laughed for hours.

That is great, Spurious. I bet those missionaries didn't know what to say!

You must admit, though, it must be a hard job to be a Mormon missionary. Is that a volunteer job? Do they get paid? If not, do they have other jobs? Can you imagine having doors slammed in your face all the time? And one time, my car got a flat and two Mormons passing by on their bikes helped me out. I didn't even know that Mormons existed in Central Pennsylvania. Anyway, while I think they are, um, different, they definitely seem to be a helpful lot.

Anyone besides me notice the resemblance to John Travolta in Pulp Fiction?

I heard that mormons and their hands go very weel together...hahahahahah

ok

Totally John Travolta...

Katie, can't believe you called him *John*, I thought you were Dooce's number 1 fan ;)

Dooce-
Shaun and I just got a dose of what it is like to have people take a 'joke' that someone makes and then run with it and get super ugly.
All the while this is going on all I could think of is how much shit you take. You're awesome for putting up with so much.

And next year. NO APRIL FOOLS day.

and words of wisdom: Don't mess with American Idol fans. They will Freak the Fuck out and report your ass for libel and slander and fraud!

He looks like some guy from a complaint rock band....

Mrtl - Naw, I've got lot's of friends whose fathers drink bourbon and post on my blog...

KBBAW- My mormon friends explained a little bit of the missionary thing to me, and I just think it's kinda mean. You can't call your family very often, and you're only allowed to write them a few times a year. No TV, no phone in the apartment. No reading papers or periodicals. ONLY the bible. It's like a two person year long cult or something, poor things.
They take all kinds of crap from strangers, and can't even call family and friends...

Damn, the Mormon church is hardcore.

Just probably even more bored at work than you are

His hand is saying, "Bitch, join this church, YO."

KBBAW- Daylight savings time started because farmers wanted more morning daylight time to work the fields and tend to the farm.

Is that Jon? Wow. What a hottie.

Daylight savings started with the World War, Germany implemented it first to save energy. The rest of Europe soon followed and eventually everyone else.

Cat and Greenthumb - Ain't NOBODY taking my phone.

I think daylight savings is a farming issue- it lengthens the day in the spring, summer and early fall for planting and harvest. Katie, farmers can't "stay out in the field" unless there is light- you can't put floodlights on a farm.

"Ain't nobody... taking... my phone..." Nope. I got nothing. You totally lost me. :)

Oh, and by the way, "youse" guys, I had A RANCHWAGON on Friday (comments were down, i wonder why???) I wanted to brag. And the next morning was poop-a-licious.

Ah, I love the new Sweet Life look... your softer side. I can't help but think it's been brought on by knowing more about Leta's good health and well-being.

Much sweet life to you and yours!

Thanks for solving the mystery natalia!!

Isn't there somewhere in the midwest that doesn't observe Daylight Savings? How does that work exactly?

Susannah - I think that's Arizona. They're just not good team players...

Love the new masthead - LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT!!

I love that word - poopilicious. I am cracking up now. Which is not always easy on a Monday.

Greenthumb - Sweet! Now I can be a missionary! Thanks for the info.

Wait. Can I wear jeans?

"Arizona does not operate Daylight-Saving Time and so operates Mountain Standard Time all year around."

"Unlike most states in the U.S., Daylight-Saving Time is not observed in most of Arizona. After the Summer months the time is shifted back by 1 hour resulting in the normal 7 hours difference behind GMT."

http://tinyurl.com/44fny

That's just not fair.

oh yeah, I google everything. I think I've learn more from google in the past year than I did during my entire elementary education.

On another topic, I really don't understand why we can't have normal chat in here- why must the conversation always devolve into scatology and discussions about Katie's nipple hairs. I mean, an occasional pooh reference is always good for a chuckle, but more and more is not always better. You know what I mean? anybody?

Eleanor, you are so right. Heather talked about poop a few times & now it's a constant with some who comment, well, constantly. The average age here seems to be around 11.

I think sometimes the discussion devolves into pooh and nipple hair references to add levity to what is being said. You are right that some people are probably offended by it, so less is probably better. I sometimes forget that not everyone likes to chat about hair and pimples and poop. Or A1, for that matter. But it usually gets a few laughs.

Muffy, I hate you for bringing up the Ranchwagon. I have totally been craving one since I heard you work near there! ;-)

who doesn't love poop? come on, its fun.. lets all poop! spread the love my friends

eleanor, I'd much rather talk about Bucky's nipple hair than Katie's anyway. No offense, Katie! ;)

Question for the legal folk - Is there any need for Kristine's Shaun to be alarmed at the reaction to his American Idol prank?

I've got a GREAT poop story....
When I was little, like LITTLE, maybe 3 or 4, my mom would take me to Mass on saturdays (the recovering catholic is losing out, I capitalized Mass). So this one time, I'm sitting under the pew, all quiet, but my mom figures, well, at least she's quiet....
A few minutes later, during the reading of the Gospel, I came out from under the pew (pew - perfect word at this point), and proclaim to the entire congregation "Mommy, I made POONKIES!" And behold, under the pew, were the little brown soldiers all lined up. I am so going to hell.

oh, and the mammary flashback - *too cute.*

(trying unsuccessfully to divert conversations back toward dooce's content...)

http://tinyurl.com/5u7kh

great redesign. love the colors, love the masthead.

The temple isn't painted - the exterior is just solid granite that they clean every few decades to keep it looking all white and pretty.

Am loving the new masthead - The Dooce Life - sweet indeed!

I grew up Mormon.
I knew no other religion; until I was 18yrs old when I met and married my husband who is and will always be of the baptist religion.
Only one of my brothers stayed with the Mormon church, which he has 5 sons, whom 4 have been on missions to other countries. My nephews and all other mormons spend 2yrs of their lives giving to the church by going on their missions. The church doesnot pay for anything. The parents pay and the children do go away and tell others about Mormonism. It has to be the most frightening 2yrs to be away from home and friends and family.
But they know all of their lives that at 19 they will go on their missions, and then come back and go on to college and get married etc.
I have watched through the years as each one has gone and come back a better and wonderful person.
Like I said earlier I was raised in the mormon church and I think in my heart I will always be a Mormon, even though I no longer attend the church. I have tried a lot of other religions and I will always still believe the way I was raised. When I go to church I do go to the Catholic church only because my god child is Catholic and one day I will be responsible to make sure she goes to church until she is of an age where she can decide to go or not.

But just to put my 2cents in, growing up Mormon was and is not a bad thing, its all I will ever know and probably really believe.

I applaude the young men who have to knock on doors and maybe out of 10 get to talk to 1. If not interested people should show the courtesy of saying I'm not interested and they will not come back. These are young boys who are trained to tell you all about the Mormons and if someone is not interested they will go on to the next door. I know they are not going to be persistant in hounding anyone who is not interested in hearing what they have to say.

They are already homesick, so having a partner to be with and to talk with and having their religion to keep them going is a great test of their committment to the church.
Well, enough preaching here. Just wanted to let you know my opinion first hand.

I still do believe in the right to chose what religion or to chose no religion. I have always been curious about what others believe or not believe.

Also, about 10yrs ago I read a book called Kingdom of the Cults, I don't recall the author, but it was very interesting to read. I was told that Mormonism was a cult religion so I read this book and I can say that almost all religions are to some extent a cult religion with ceremonies that are carried out every time you go to church.

Well, enough is enough as they say to one who is preaching to the choir or to the hand.

Take care to everyone and to everyone his own opinion as this is the way of having a country to which we may chose our religion and not be in a place where we are told what to believe or not to believe or we will be shot or some other torture inflicted upon us.

Well, didn't mean to carry on and on.
I'm here in South Carolina where the weather is 80 and just beautiful and I just enjoy being.

I do have a quote that I would like to share:
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
Emerson.

Oh, and I was born and raised in AZ, but now I live on the east coast, and let me just say that Daylight Savings Time? Is MESSED UP.

Bucky, you started boob hair?

I have been wanting to write about it for about 4 months on my blog because it will stop this one person RIGHT in their tracks from ever wanting to read my blog again. Because I'm nice I chose not too...or tampons and stories of sex with my exhusband.

I finally got the nerve to write the words Boob Hair on my blog and damn you all came out of the woodworks and backed me up.

That's why I like this place so much.

I feel so out of the loop, I leave for one weekend and people are in the hospital. I am so glad to know the peanut is ok. Prayer in its pure, well intended form is the greatest!

What a different masthead! I love it.

Kristine, I have found that there are so many people that frequent this website that have amazing senses of humor, and will be great backups. Not too much can shock this crowd. Good for you for taking the leap into bodily function topics on your blog. It is very cathartic, isn't it?

Ooooh, can we talk about kweefs? Queefs? Kwefes? BAH. Spelling is subjective, eh? But those vagina fart thingies, YOU know, does that work? What's THAT all about?

As for the Catholic mass on Saturdays, I remember thinking it was SO cool that my cousins got to go to church on Saturday at 5:00 pm as opposed to me going on Sunday at 9:00 am. I would have rathered stay at home and watch cartoons or something on a Sunday morning. My cousins went to church on Wednesdays, too, so I felt I lucked out that I didn't have to do that, though. The Catholic Church holds service every day, doesn't it?

muffy, all catholic churches have service every day, in fact. However, I was assuming you were referring to your Sunday commitment- and so it would be Saturday evening service. Usually, if you only go once a week, you are going in order to fulfill your Sunday commitment- note how I mentioned Saturday evening?

Go lapse a little more- shit under a pew or something.

When I was a little girl (a little older than when I made poonkies in church), they picked the new Pope (John Paul II). Now, my last name ends in SKI, so we ALL KNOW what that means. Anyway, my dad got this bumper sticker that said "Ask me NOW if the Pope is Polish"....It was YEARS until I got the joke. Just like it was a few years until I got the joke that my dad would say to me on the way back from fishing trips..."You know you're in trouble when you come home smelling like fish, but you didn't catch anything...". Yup. Years.