Hello my name is Torrie and I am a picker.
I love it all- blackheads, zits, ingrown hairs. I pin my husband down and pick at him with all sorts of impliments. A really good ingrown hair will make my day.

I should have been a dermotologist.

Cristin:

THANK YOU!!!

torrie, I am with you. It's a glorious sickness...

Niffer, I too thought of Dooce whilst trimming my monkey. She must be proud to know that people think of her when they are trimming their monkeys or are constipated.

the niffer, ix-nay on the onkey-may alk-tay; it angers some of the natives

not like I'm trying to instigate anything

Emily - my monkey isn't Brazilian. Just a neatly trimmed Canadian.

Sorry Mrtl. I shall quit post haste with the monkey talk.

Sorry. Didn't mean to pry. I was just confused.

B4E #111: This one time, at bible camp...

I just picked one of my own for you guys. It most definitely hit the mirror.

Ok, my 6 year old is home from school sick. He wanted to let his birds out of their cage. He's watching a video, birds flying around. I hear a sound. A 6 year old boy says...OHHHHH... He got pooped on! on his cheek! Is it bad that Im cracking up over that?

I skipped the last 30 or so comments after I started getty queazy (you people are _nasty_). After all, I am going to a Chinese place for lunch in 45 minutes.

I think I'll stay away from the Moo *Goo* Gai Pan.

And by "getty", I mean "getting"...

Good idea Nathan. Sorry for the gross fest.

Lawbrat, I would totally laugh. You're a good mom.

I'm outtie. Ya'll are just gross. Next thing you know, Bucky'll be back passing out icecubes. BLECH!

Hayes #147 - Heather is FAMOUS. She can't just walk around taking pictures herself anymore. Someone might spot her, and want their picture taken by her, then with her, then comes the autograph hounding thing...

Perhaps she just had "her people" do it.

Not sure about that CK. "Her people" had his tongue tied around another dog's penis at the time.

Matta=Matt . . . blew the punchline

CK, that's funny. She'll change her blog to read, "My people take photos every day with a Nikon D70."

Does that happen often you think? Autographs. I mean.. I guess as lame as it sounds I'd at least want a picture with her. But I already feel horrible for logging on (does anyone call it that anymore?) every day just to read about the life of someone I have never (and will most likely never)met. So maybe I'd just put my tail between my legs and scurry off down the road.

Good one Susie! But wait, I thought you were grossed out and leaving. Just had to stick around, didn't you Closet Picker?

Mark Johnson, are you a scary homicidal maniac?

#334...are you a law student or an attorney?

"“Her people” had his tongue tied around another dog’s penis at the time."

You know how sometimes you hear a phrase or a collection of words and you think "I don't believe I've ever heard those words used in quite that order before."?

The more time I spend here, the less that happens to me.

Bucky, here's a recap:

We started a "pickers unite" group

AND

I asked if I could borrow your rolling pin because I need to express my dogs anal sacs.

Carry on.

Uhh.. are all of us faithful Dooce readers called Dooce-bags?

yes, first time poster..)

Nilbo #347, first off, that comment cracked me up. Seccndly, oh how true!

Nilbo #347, first off, that comment cracked me up. Secondly, oh how true!

(sorry if this posts twice. My computer's possesed ya know)

Lawbrat-
I'm in my last year of law school, but I work at a firm here in DC.

Welcome Kait!

Venus #258: I once had the most disgusting ginormous zit on the freakin back side of my ear lobe! Only once, though, and I didn't even know it was there, or what it was until I squeezed it and all this squicky icky green stuff came out. I was almost sorry I couldn't see it happen. (Ever try looking at the back side of your earlobe in the mirror?)

Fascinated and repulsed all at the same time.

CK, Green???????

Awesome.

the thumbnail makes me think of those dental hygeine warning photos of what can happen if you don't brush or floss.

this is so bizarre. since when did cake look like brick?

When I was in highschool there was this guy on our swim team who had this huge blackhead/zit thing on his back and I couldn't stop looking at it. It was greeny-bluey-black and I wanted to pick it soooooooooooooooooo bad.

Sick, but able to accept myself and my sick ways

Damn. That was all centered and shit in my comment box.

I am going to print that and put that in my pocket. I'm also going to shove it in my Mom's face every time she chastizes me for being a insane obsessive picking weirdo.

Do we have letterhead yet? :P

Lawbrat #321: Only if you're cleaning him up while you're laughing... ;)

Nathan Logan: I think I watch too much Law and Order. Every time I see the name Logan, I think of Detective Logan, Chris Noth.

*sigh* Someone pass me a wall of cake, please.

Yay! All playing together nice again!

Also, ew. Monkeys and picking and splintery rolling pins. I think y'all may have found a new low.

Continue at will, all's right in the commenty world.

Hey Ladybug, you care to post that comment again about Dooce wanting us here?

hee hee. I swear she needs to update her FAQ to add that comment.

You know its strange.. everytime I wear my monkey C monkey DO shirt there is mentions of shaving the monkey. I am now wishing my shirt said. C Monkey DO Monkey.

Re: the whole Matt Jackson thingy...Fortunately Dooce has the good sense to consider the ramifications of libel... I am not sure she would want to be sued for posting all of his pertinent information on a public board for malicious intent. This is public...isn't it?

Oh and Mariposa: Doocebags...that's hilarious!

Kristine -- Blogger is being naughty again today with the comments, so I'll say it here in the hopes that you're still readin' :

Love your self portrait today! Shaun is sooooo sweet to write you love letters on the mirror. *sigh* Young love...

Although, Jim does have zits on his back that spell out "Bucky Does Me Good"

Here, Paul, open up. C'mon, it's gooood.

Perhaps she could just randomly post the company name in an entry sometime? The regulars should be able to figure it out and what libel would there be? Besides, liber infers fallacy and if he indeed referred to women as "liabilites" to any company that's not libel. But I hear what you're saying.

Laurie: What you are referring to is called slander. Libel is simply publishing information that damages or defames a persons character or reputation.

Squirll #394: Sure! Which story would you like to pick?

I think that what Heather is doing is very brave, but can be a treacherous road. Her popularity has taken her out of the private sector and into the public eye. I am glad that she is witty and smart enough to get her points across without crossing lines, and for that she should be respected. Remember that there are many people "lurking" in the shadows ready to pounce on someone who is making a difference, or causing a ripple in still waters. Not everyone has to like what she writes, or represents. Being in the limelight has its price. I am just glad that she has so many supporters. Hoo rah for Heather. I wish I could be so bold.

boils, pimples and cysts those type of picking stories... i don't want comments closed for a day again....work is miserable without dooce.

back to cyst talk...by the way my ex husbands dog had a boil once, it was from an infected raccoon bite...I accompanied him to the vet to have it cleaned out. I was probably the most horrible thing that I have ever witnessed. Not only did they squeeze the goo out, but they didn't give the dog sedatives beforehand, so it thrashed about on the table peeing all over the place. To make matters worse...this was not a small dog, easily controllable...it was a Newfoundland. I hated that dog.

Once, a long time ago, when I worked at a day care center, i was sitting at the little kid's breakfast table watching them eat their oatmeal and prodding this REALLY painful thing in my ear (which I later found out was a boil) and I pushed on it and I heard a loud snap and all of a sudden my ear was filled with blood and white goo. It was the single most satisfying moment of my life- except for maybe the green goo that came out of a large and hard pimple in an unmentionable area. I have since learned better hygiene and that after conditioning my hair it is important to wash the residue out of my ears. When I reflect on those two moments however, I hear the voice of Homer Simpson in my head- making that noise he makes when he sees a can of Duff beer. Can anyone figure out how to spell that noise?

Kendra in T-Bay. . .

Is it wrong that every time I look at your name, I think:

Kendra in T-Bag

?

how do you make a tissue dance?

boil in the ear=painful

blackheads in the ear=also painful

speaking of boogers and t bags: has anyone had bubble tea before? It is a cold tea drink with tapioca beads. The beads remain at the bottom of your cup so that you can suck them through a large straw as you are drinking the tea. It is like getting a chewy surprise in your drink. Anyway it is hard to drink it without the visual of sucking up goober balls. yet tasty nonetheless

Nice colours. Fancy having a camera that takes its own pictures.

speaking of boogers and t bags: has anyone had bubble tea before? It is a cold tea drink with tapioca beads. The beads remain at the bottom of your cup so that you can suck them through a large straw as you are drinking the tea. It is like getting a chewy surprise in your drink. Anyway it is hard to drink it without the visual of sucking up goober balls. yet tasty nonetheless

Kassi-
Actually, slander is the one where it doesn't have to be false and is damaging to one's reputation. Libel is the legal term where the plantiff has to establish that someone knowingly printed false information.

Unless my law dictionary and law professors have been getting it wrong the past 3 years....:D

B4E - Yes, it's completely wrong

MMmmm...orange mortar cake? I had a cyst where my middle finger and my palm meet. I had to get a shot to numb it before they brought in the horse tranq. full of whatever. He goes to stab my hand with it and I screamed. He aked if it hurt. No, I have turrets, GD mother f#^%$%% ass suck! Then he injected some more pain killer, and nothing, until driving my stick shift down the freeway half way home. I'd rather have eaten that mortar cake.

The D70 takes pictures by ITSELF?!?! Is that why it costs so much? I'm sorry, but if its taking its own pics, it's ALIVE, and I can't afford to feed myself, let alone some fancy-ass camera.

Does anyone like peeling other people after they've been in the sun? I love that crap.

Well, with all the extra traffic that's sure to come from the Yahoo listing, I'm glad we're at least all on our best behavior for "company" today.

Now, who wants to pop this mondo zit on my ass?

Anyone ever had a ganglian (sp?) cyst before? I had one on my risk and my rather odd GP (who I've been seeing for 30+ years)told me just to slam a book on it. He even offered to do it for me. I thought he was just being flakier than usual, but it turns out that was an acceptable treament plan for a ganglian cyst.

I guess sometimes simple is best.

so that's a brick wall, huh? well, that's fine. i still hate my job, so a brick could work just as well as a piece of cake. for hitting myself, or someone else, over the head - not for eating.

um.

right.

LURKING CLOAK: ACTIVATE!!!

*giggling fiendishly* hehehe you can't see me...

Um, I'm not sure how I got that all red and indented and outline-y and stuff.

not-that-Andrea - I'm intrigued. What happens? Does the book get all pussed up?

dog porn. LOL

Four hundred and thirty eighth!

Plum - I do like the peeling, but not the blistery, wet peeling. I got really burned in the Philipines (110 degree weather). That was gross.

Sometimes I miss the days of sunburns. My skin is borderline scary with freckles, so I've gone the pasty route for many years now.

Plum, your mom used to chase you around the house hoping for a piece?

Did Jerry Springer just call?

mrtl - You're right, I only do DRY peels. Wet peels make a mess on the rug.

Bucky - Damn girl, you're my hero.

There is nothing in the world like peeling off a big papery strip of sunburned skin. Mmmm.... My husband doesn't know it, but sometimes I intentionally "forget" the sunscreen just so he'll sunburn. Peeling him brings me such pleasure.

On the subject of boogers and T-Bags: has anyone had bubble tea before? It is a cold tea drink with tapioca beads. The beads remain at the bottom of your cup so that you can suck them through a large straw as you are drinking the tea. It is like getting a chewy surprise in your drink. Anyway it is hard to drink it without the visual of sucking up goober balls. yet disturbingly tasty nonetheless

why did that post again?

La Pixiatrix....you are my hero.

Doocey coments are acting strange...

Kassi - Boba Tea is yummmmmmm

Bucky,
Yes I thought that would disconcert you. Terribly.

Kassi, thank you. But I'm afraid I don't have the proper spandex for a hero job. ;)

Heh. And I thought my garlic fingers were gross....

is that the crusteacous? or whatever the heck the word is?

Danni,

I've heard of Antwerp. That's where diamonds come from. Or some other expensive stone I can't afford....

I had a cyst once where my middle finger and my palm meet. I had to get a shot for the pain and then the doc walks in with a horse tranq. When he went to stick my hand I screamed. He asked if it hurt, no, I have turrets. GD mother f@#$%^! ass suck. So he gave me another shot of pain killer. That shit didn't kick in until I was on the freeway driving a stick. I would rather eat that orange mortar cake.

Ahhhhhhh.....what a good sleep and sleepin! so, whats gone on overnight. (8:16 here).

I get it...

Lance ARMSTRONG.

That is all.

Tanks, CK. I missed it too.

jp - no he DIDN'T! That's appalling

yeah, looking back he was always telling me I smelled nice. Ok, eight months pregnant, FREAK!

Strizz-you can still get all oiled up and lay with some latino girls if you want, just do it at night!

no. don't burn. it's so bad for you! put glue on your hands and peal it off...

Imagine - John Lennon

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest - Ken Kesey

CM = closet Metro? hehehe

I'm late, but I think he might have been right about 3 and 4. He could have been more polite about it though.

Anybody else notice the comments posting out of order?

Yep, I've noticed the oddities going on with the comments. But, it makes for an even more interesting afternoon of deciphering.

there are disco skaters on ellen, wtf? not only are the comments messed up, but we are in a time warp

Maybe it's going whacky because of overuse?

i cried because of the blood

Listen peeps we need some serious booze up in here, cake can only get you so far, unless it's rum of course. Where's my damn helper monkey!

yes.......more grog!

Dook....what blood......did I miss something?

I haven't read all the comments (I don't have that much spare time) but the photo is obviously the corner of a brick wall. The painted edges are quite clear. How anyone could think it was a cake is beyond me.

who's bleeding? Was there a drive by? Did I miss it?

JP - I was singing the SAME song in my head when I saw the picture this morning!!!

Pound cake?

Well, it's after five, and I've broken out the Merlot - no matter what that guy in Sideways says.

Henryk I was all over the pound cake until I read of the puss bug. That's just gross carson!

Yeah, what IS it with guys and their back zits? Do they not exfoliate in the shower? GET A LOOFAH!!!

Zits, blackheads, pus, the room takes another turn!

Me, I'd rather talk about cake and wine.

not to do with blackheads and zits-the fake Dooce belly pictures on the crazy ladies webpage have been pulled-yay!

Who cares what it's called as long as it's booze. Here helper monkey.. "coaxing with some cookies...

Yay! Fake pics pulled. I do NOT suffer poseurs. You gotta be pretty sad to pinch other people's pics and represent them as your own.

I believe #508 has hit the nail on the head with that one.

right down to the splinters.

I have a boil on my ass. Can that be lanced? Or do I have to clip it off with some toenail clippers?

Okay, now I have the urge to bake a cake....

I haven't had any kind of wine in ages - well since the last time I had dinner with the in-laws. I got two bottles for Christmas and finally decided to open one. What a treat! I have a baguette in the oven and some sliced cheese ready. This is living!

pop up windows?...no problems here!

Dr.Fever, Why don't you bend over and I'll have my helper monkey knaw at it with her teeth while we all watch and drink wine and eat cake. My brother clipps taste buds with toe nail clippers. It looks painful, I think the monkey would be more gentle.

greenie, blogger.com has been buggy all day.

*My brother clipps taste buds with toe nail clippers*

EWWWW

My bf cuts his taste buds with a clipper too! He says they grow funky and feel wierd and just HAS to get them off his tongue. Odd, gross, and unsanitary in my opinion. But, I'm fighting out of my weight class with him (as he states) and I just smile and leave him alone.

Peter Hentges - nice summary. Now, there's even more to add!

Dang I have missed you, if we were alone and not married and not in other states the things I may or may not do and say to you;)

Merdog I have beer and twinkies!

Welcome to the family giggles! Does your bf start with dp?

Did you know that there is a right way to eat a Twinkie?

If it's good I'll throw in a hoho! Do tell...

Well, it depends on whether you want instant gratification, or if you like to anticipate.

Apparently, at one time, if you looked at the underside of a twinkie, you would see that a couple of the holes used to inject the cream filling were closer together at one end that at the other. Therefore, if you wanted more cream up front, you started eating at the end where the holes are closer together. If you wanted to anticipate, you would eat at the end where they're spaced further apart. So I am told. I have not seen a twinkie in ages.

ahh...after I sent my comment I wondered if that was what you meant! Me=Dunce! :-)

His initials do start with a 'd' though...so maybe it could be in the family! If so, yeah! A family with something in common -dooce and taste bud cutting off!!!

Nice brick.

I hope the ooze that come out of your cysted lance doesn't look like that!

Dude, Dooce.com needs a message board.

Heather,

Did you know that your blog is the featured RSS feed on the Yahoo home page? You're a freakin celebrity!

LOL My 6 year old came up behind me. Refering to the picture, he said 'whats that?' I said, 'its a picture of bricks', to which he replied in a disapointed voice, 'why couldnt it be cake!'

Oh yeah, DUH! Lance ARMSTRONG. Just got it!

I swear, I'm sober.

wine and cake afternoon soiree? Verryyyy interesting!

Mighty Jimbo - "you people"????

Aren't you one of the longest standing doocelings around? I saw one of your comments in the archives on a VERY old post.

Dude, you're a cult elder.

Good on ya CM!!!

Ashik, you are not alone.....isn't that right people!

....and the silence was deafening!!!

sorry Niff, I didn's see you sitting there!

No worries Henryk_, sometimes it's better to be seen and not heard.

Peter #508 - brilliant.

hey, i never said i didn't drink the kool-aid.

Henryk_, Dooce has probably been the reason many people have blogs. I know I was inspired to start one having seen hers.

mrtl.....noted! I am thinking of getting one going as well!

Three men: a project manager, a software engineer, and a hardware engineer are helping out on a project. About midweek they decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says "Normally I would grant you three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant you each one wish."
The hardware engineer went first. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas.

The software engineer went next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean.

Last, but not least, it was the project manager's turn. "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie.

"I want them both back after lunch" replied the project manager.

Sweetsue, Deuce is appropriate for a two of anything Will make a fine feline politician>>>twofaced!

Ihave been to California. I liked the place, but, Sydney is H O M E ! :-))

Lawbrat, come to Seattle, spring has sprung here...if a bit early. Contrary to old beliefs, we're actually in a drought. Where's all the rain????

I want spring...Im going through withdrawl. More snow today. I want flowers, sunshine, and WARM. Im not asking for more than 55 degrees at this point. Just 55. Is that asking too much? It is currently 27 with a windchill of 18.