The Master and his little Grasshopper
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
301. jp said:
I loved the cummings comment too. I want some so I can go around and spray it everywhere and people ask, I can say I'm cumming all over!
302. Circus Kelli said:
Dang, yeah, no kidding. I'm not bitter though... much... anymore. ;)
303. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
I'm Mexican by injection, too, and I can say for sure that true Mexican food isn't spicy. Before I moved to Texas, though, I thought that Mexican food was Taco Bell. Well it certainly isn't (although I love their gorditas!) and I can say for sure that the Weight Watcher's meatloaf bears no semblance to any Mexican food I have ever come across.
304. jp said:
plum go to the site cathi recomended. Everything Marcie puts on toast she calls mexican. I am 1/4 mexican and moved to the south from Ca. and can I just say toast is as best mexican I can find.
305. g-dawg said:
Ok, to be dooced is to be fired from your job for talkig about your co-workers/company on your blog.
Does anyone know of anyone that has gotten fired for too much interneting during the work day? What's the term for that, peeps?
306. Circus Kelli said:
g-dawg, #305: I think the term for that is "unemployed."
307. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Someone said yesterday that getting fired for looking at too much Dooce.com is called being dooced by proxy. I don't know what getting fired for looking at too much regular internet would be called.
308. cathi said:
Maybe I'll call it Meatloaf Surprise and hide some veggies inside... or Meatloaf Volcano, spewing ketchup and mashed potatoes. Indeed!
309. Jon Eben Field said:
Well, the grasshopper has learned to carve up the slopes. Congratulations and great pic.
310. cathi said:
g-dawg, some folks here have called it "Dooced by Proxy."
311. jp said:
it's not working? are you sure?
312. cathi said:
Click my name for PhotoShop fun.
No - no work done today by me. This weekend is so going to suck.
313. jp said:
Oh Cathi, I must have that receipe. What shall you call it? beefcano? volcanoloaf? Wait and you'll be suprised later?
314. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Let's call getting fired for being on the internet "Franfurter Spectacular"
315. cathi said:
jp - nothing special - McCormick Meat Loaf seasoning with tomato soup to cover. It's all in the presentation, you see. Hopefully I have a suitably-shaped round bowl to bake it in.
316. Spurious Plum said:
Testify, KBBAW!
JP, I'll check it out, because at this point, I'll try anything. I'm from LA, but I'm living in freaking Pittsburgh now and having to make Mexican food from scratch. I just posted about this a few days ago on my blog. Check it out:
http://tinyurl.com/4ldyc
Shameless blogwhore that I am.
317. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
That is great Cathi!!! That needs to be the new masthead for Dooce!
318. Circus Kelli said:
jp #313: Possibly a meatcano, or lavaloaf.
319. jp said:
We have to vote, but I personaly love lavaloaf!
320. cathi said:
It's tough having so much damned talent, Katie. Most of my PS masterpieces have involved superimposing... A USMC client's head on a Playgirl centerfold (and HUGE emblem to cover up the naughty bits and the shadow of the naughty bits); my father's head on a popcycle stick (for purposes of home theater)... I should totally quit my job and do this full time.
321. cathi said:
Plum - I'd sell my soul for a good recipe for carne asada. (Haven't had any decent since I lived in San Diego 14 years ago.) Can you help?
322. jp said:
plum- are you in total culture shock? I'm from Laguna Bch. Here in the south their idea of Mexican food around here is something that looks like alpo dog food with a slice of ortega chili and velveeta melted on top.
323. Spurious Plum said:
Cathi -Si! I'll send you some carne asada love but I have to wait until I get home from work. but I can totally hook you up. I'll email you.
Que sabrosa!
324. cathi said:
woo hoo! My email's on my blog. Thanks!!
325. cathi said:
With that, my child awakens from what has got to be the longest nap ever. ttfn - To the store I go to prepare for the lavaloaf fiesta.
326. jp said:
cathi- carne asada is how I landed the above mentioned stoner. My dads side of the family is mexican and I would bring him home and my aunties would make carne asada and fresh salsa, my abuelita would get up at like 3am and make tortillas...I want to go home.
327. cathi said:
jp - carne asada fit for a stoner sounds good to me!
328. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
I LOVE carne asada. I live in Houston so it is not hard to get. I feel for you, Spurious Plum. I was born and raised in Pennsylvania and they have no freakin' clue as to what Mexican food is. One time I went to a Mexican food restaurant there and they had freakin' apple butter sitting on the table. And their tortillas were all soggy and disgusting. And the guacamole in a tube - I've seen that blasphemy taking place in Central PA one too many times. How hard is it to buy some friggin' avocados and make guacamole?!?
329. kat said:
You're the master right?
Ps. Loved the letter and pics to Leta.
330. Spurious Plum said:
JP, Wow! My husband grew up in Huntington beach. All you OC people...
I totally feel your pain for fakemex. I was in a food deprivation coma for the first 6 months we were in Pgh. Hallucinations, seizures, you know. It's made me a better chef, but once in a while I'd like salsa that isn't $5 italian stewed tomatoes in a dish. As for alpo with cheese, caling that comida mexicana is culinary blasphemy.
And what's the deal with people charging for chips and salsa?!?!Do they just not KNOW?
331. Spurious Plum said:
KBBAW- Apple butter at a mexican table? That's an outrage.
Jp- Abuelita's make EVERYTHING good.When can you go home?
332. Spurious Plum said:
OK, my 5PM whistle blows. I'll drive home and be back soon with carne asada and salsa recetas for anyone who wants them.
333. jp said:
plum- I made salsa once to take to a party and the people stood around it grunting and slurping coming up only long enough to breath. To this day, 2 years later, all I hear is how I should bottle it, it's freaken salsa people!
334. AndiMAC said:
awwww, what a cute couple. It looks like your secretly pinching his ass and hes smiling thru his teeth saying "stop pinching my ass"
335. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Crickets...
336. Circus Kelli said:
I'm still here KBBAW.
337. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Yay! I am glad to see I am not the only slacker that is still here! I actually did get some work done today, if you believe it!
338. Circus Kelli said:
Hey! You just called me a slacker! I managed to get some things done today, too, but probably not as much as I should have. :)
339. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
No, I know you aren't a slacker, Kelli. You don't blog while you are at work.
340. cat said:
Oh, I do. (Blog at work, that is...)
341. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Once I got started blogging, I couldn't NOT do it at work. There are too many free moments, too many weird people here at work to write about. I am so going to get dooced one of these days. Why can't I make blogging my full time job?
342. Circus Kelli said:
KBBAW: Huh? Sure I do. *whispers* (Don't tell my boss, though)
That makes me a slacker? I thought that made me a procrastinator... ;)
343. Cristin said:
carne asada...guacamole....drool
I just got Karen Duffy's new book, "Slob in the Kitchen." I tried the recipie for guacamole and it was THE BEST EVER!
344. Circus Kelli said:
KBBAW: I was thinking that very same thing here today. "Why can't I get paid to surf blogs and comments on peoples' sites all day?"
And then I thought... "Oh wait. I *do*."
345. cat said:
I am SUCH a slacker. But I rationalize... I'm "honing my craft," if you will. HONING it.
346. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Yeah, you are right. I don't consider myself a slacker, really. I always get my work done when I have work to do. It is just that this place never gives me enough work to do so I resort to blogging. Other people sit and talk on the phone all day - I blog. (Some people play instruments - I like to blog.)
347. Circus Kelli said:
Cat: Oooo... HONING a craft. I *like* that!
348. Circus Kelli said:
"This one time... at blog camp..."
349. cathi said:
I'm back - child hungry.
Re new post: Dooce, we used to call that "birth control." I'm sorry. And my mom's the same way. She's said as much when they've come to visit from Maryland when we have a lot going on ("We're not coming to see YOU").
350. Dang Cold.. said:
JP--good salsa is to be appreciated. There's store bought salsa then there's the home made kind which some people do better than others. A friend of mine makes awesome salsa and I rant the same way
351. Mrs.Strizzay said:
LMAO Heather. I bet your mom was laughing because _she_ used to try and hold your willfull little arms down.
I think being a grand parent must rocks. Especially for my parents who live FAR FAR AWAY and NEVER BABYSIT EVER EVER EVER.
352. Mrs.Strizzay said:
My mom used to buy me things, like clothes or whatever. Nope, not anymore. As soon as I popped the first brat out I became pond scum.
353. RazDreams said:
they're smiling so brightly in this photo because they know their spoon-throwing, menu-dropping, battery-package-eating baby is probably with one of the grandma's, and *they're* lucky enough to be giggling alone together on a gorgeous mountain with The Green Destiny (and the Red Baronness, as I've named it).
354. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Re:334...I bet he likes _that_. That is his "OH SHIT SHE HAS A BOTTLE OF A1 IN HER HAND!!!!"
355. Mrs.Strizzay said:
face
356. CAtherine said:
It's not pre-marital if you don't get married.
357. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Grandparents get some sort of sicko thrill out of seeing their children deal with their own children. It is as though the more your child acts like Satan, the more they love the Satan Child and ignore you. If I had ever acted like Satan when I was 3, I would have been thrown out the window of a moving car. But now it is all just shits and giggles for gramma and grampa when little one gets the look of the Devil in his eye.
I guess this is all just the Circle of Life. (Cue Lion King music)
358. Chloe said:
Awwww. You guys are sickeningly adorable together. I'm sure that hasn't already been said 300 times, possibly in the exact same way.
I've figured out your plot-- withdraw Leta pictures until the monthly newsletter, so people become dependent on a Leta fix once a month. I'm not sure what you'll get out of this yet, but I *am* sure the plan is absolutely diabolical. How dare you?!
359. 72feetabovesealevel said:
CAtherine has a good point there.
360. Chloe (is here) said:
Wait-- now I know how you dare. Because, You are Heather B. Armstrong, and This is Your Website.
Duh!
361. Mrs.Strizzay said:
mmmm fried chickeeeeeeeen
362. jp said:
At least your parents love/like your kids my parents come to visit from 2800 miles away and they ask if we can get a baby sitter! I should've known. They didn't like kids when they had one. Maybe thats why they only had one, I left a bad taste in their mouth.;)
363. jp said:
Thank you Dang. Love you that much more.
364. Goose said:
That's funny, I was just at the family planning clinic (I'm 17) and they gave me a video entitled, yep, you've guessed it, "Those Engaging in Pre-Marital Sex: SEE YOUR FUTURE.â€
365. Mrs.Strizzay said:
I wish I had been a slut in my 20s
366. jp said:
Goose, You better have watched closely! And use back up. There is a screetching seven year old running around here somewhere who got here via ortho tri cyclene!
367. JP said:
there's still time strizz! ;)
368. laurenbove said:
Oh God, I feel so much better after reading Dooce's lunch fiasco. It's not just me! My dear husband and mum seem to think my wee one is a rare monster while all other toddlers are delightfully polite. Or they look at me like: Why don't you fix him, do something...he's attracting attention? If only!
369. Mrs.Strizzay said:
No, not really. Thats no fun. "Hey LOVAH, stop and get me some pampers before you come over to knock the bottom out"
Not so sexy.
370. cat said:
"God is watching you" always worked on me. And, quite frankly, creeped me out.
Did anyone else ever feel paranoid on the crapper? (God is EVERYWHERE! Dun dun DUN!)
Come to think of it, Santa Claus creeped me out too.
371. cat said:
"knock the bottom out"????
372. Mrs.Strizzay said:
dig ditches
373. Mrs.Strizzay said:
beat the gorilla
374. Mrs.Strizzay said:
gag my monkey
375. Mrs.Strizzay said:
fill er'up
376. Mrs.Strizzay said:
rock my box
377. jp said:
aaahhh, young love! Gagging a monkey is so not sexy!
378. Mrs.Strizzay said:
probe my globe
379. cat said:
Sink the sub
Hide the salami
Eat at the Y
What?
380. jp said:
plowin' the field
381. Mrs.Strizzay said:
mowing the lawn
382. jp said:
dumpster diving
383. Mrs.Strizzay said:
eew clean that cooch! blech
384. texbecks said:
part the meat curtains.
385. jp said:
doing the taco tango
386. Dang Cold.. said:
the horizontal cha-cha
387. Girl.A said:
Shuckin the oyster
388. texbecks said:
man standing in the canoe
389. cat said:
Uh-oh, here we go...
390. jp said:
damn tex, where you been?!?!
391. texbecks said:
i know, i know. i came back amidst the talk of salsa. after my last comment i'm afraid to tell where i've been.
392. jp said:
mattress mambo
393. LadyBug said:
no time to catch up on comments. typing with one hand, baby in the other.
dooce, i can so totally remember eating out when my girls were babies and spent the whole meal auditioning for role of birth control poster child. and now the boy's come along, and i have that to look forward to all over again. and by "look forward to", i of course mean, "please kill me now." we're already leaving behind a trail of cheerios everywhere we go, and i know it only gets worse.
but i also know it eventually gets better. that eventually kids can sit through a meal without leaving a disaster behind worthy of the red cross. and sometimes they can even eat a meal without having to stop to go potty.
yes, they grow and change so fast. but some of those changes? are really nice.
394. greenthumb said:
bumpin' uglies
395. jp said:
girl a love the cum spray guy!
396. jp said:
taming the shrew
397. Christine said:
See, now... *that* would make a great t-shirt.
"Just too cute to shoot."
And on the back it could say,
"Deal with it, punks."
ahahaaha
398. victoria said:
"a vengeful raccoon that’s just too cute to shoot" is the best description of a toddler ever.
399. lawbrat said:
You guys are all SICK!!!! no wonder I love this site :-)
400. cat said:
"Too cute to shoot." Oooooh, definite potential!
401. cat said:
Look, I'm 400! Suck it suck it suck it suck it...
Sorry. I just like saying "suck it."
402. Spurious Plum said:
This is nastiness. I love it.
Anyone who wants a carneasada recipie let me know and I'll email ya. My emails on the blog.
Bust A Nut, ya'll.
403. lawbrat said:
My oldest is going away to camp next week...when he was a toddler, I'd BEG my parents to PLEASE take this....vengeful racoon...for the day. Now, I dont want him to leave for a whole week. Things change so much when their older. You realize it does go by fast. Before the age of 4 or so, it couldnt go by fast enough...now, JUST.STOP.GROWING.UP.
404. Amanda B. said:
Dooce- You are so funny. Racoons are skirry!
405. Cleo said:
And the scary thing is that Leta's the product of *marital* sex.
406. Graygirl said:
Lawbrat....believe me there comes a time when you push them out and change the locks!!!!
407. Sarah M said:
This doesn't sound right, but your husband is delicious Heather. You are very lucky. Where do you find men like that!
408. Mrs.Strizzay said:
In Utah
409. Goose said:
jp, the video did the trick. I'll be doing the Bucky-christened "curly shuffle" until I meet a man in Utah and marry him.
410. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
The 'curly shuffle' is the best way to lead a fulfilling yet uncomplicated life.
That's all I have to say about that.
Striz -- are those diapers for the kids or for you? This makes a difference in my measurement of the sexiness of the situation.
411. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Depends
412. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
I totally feel you on the passive behavior of grandparents while they watch their darling grandchildren detroy a restaurant. My folks just think it's precious when my kids are hurling edamame at the poor elderly couple at the next table and seeing who can get the soy sauce bottle into their ass the fastest.
I'm like, "Mom! Dad! Do something!"
I feel your pain, babe. Belee' dat!
413. Laurie said:
My boyfriend's suggestion to encourage teenagers to wait (or at least practice safe sex) is to show them a episiotomy. "15 year olds will NEVER want to hit it after that"
sigh.. 5 years and he still manages to really gross me out.
414. Meggan said:
Okay, so I know I'm a little late to the game, but I'd like to say that this is an awesome photo of Heather and Jon. I'd totally frame it if I were them.
The Leta newsletter was good too; my favorite picture is the last one. So cute!
415. as an arrow said:
I am not gay or anything, but god I think you are SOOOO foxy!
416. TexaRican said:
Dr. Johnny-
First of all, I will be sending you a cleaning bill for the silk blouse that I snarfed caramel macchiato ALL OVER while reading your blog. Luckily, I managed to save my keyboard from damage, or that would have been added to your bill. That blog o' yours is writin' checks ya ass can't cash!
Second, soy sauce? I thought A1 was the ass marinade of choice.
417. JP said:
My first child was the epidome of goodness and light and was the bright light at the end of the tunnel for helping those couples sitting on the edge of wanting to procreate...she made them want to "do it" right there so they could have a "Paige" too.
My second child is the POSTER CHILD for having SAFE SEX.
418. LisaV said:
Oh my god, I hate it when they learn about gravity. Or maybe they are learning about mommy being their personal damn slave. Eighteen months is about the time we had to quit taking ours out to eat anywhere where the waitresses had all their teeth. By the time they can go back to places with clean forks, they are too old to want to be seen with you.
419. JessicaRabbit said:
I have a 3 year old niece and a 14 and a 13 year old, boys. They spend alot of time with her as she comes to stay with us alot. She is way the best birth control ever. They can't play video games while she is here. I say Gee imagine if you had your own. They shudder in fear and horror. Its great.
420. MrsDoF said:
There was one time when Husband and I were sitting in a McD's, just the two of us, meeting for lunch.
Next booth were some students from the high school and one of the girls had one of those "real baby" dolls which are supposed to show teenagers how hard it is care for an infant. The thing was howling, yet she ignored it. The key dangled from a strap on her wrist.
Over the back of the seat, Husband mentioned perhaps she was supposed to be tending to the "child" (gawd, it was more annoying than any teething baby of my own).
She retorted that "It is just defective or something--no baby cries so much"
He answered "Yes, when they are sick or frustrated, they can carry on for hours"
She muttered something about "Never having any brats, Ever" and finally picked it up and twisted the key roughly. It got quiet, but the sleeping mode light did not come on.
Chalk one up for the practice dummy.
421. Mary In Sacramento said:
420 comments!!!
hahaha.
422. kel-bel said:
*wow.* everyone had an early night.
423. Kendra in T-Bay said:
Possibly last??