Ooooooookaayyy, I give. Is it an apple or a donut??

Dooce, you should post at silly o'clock more often - gives us Englishers a chance at the top :)

I reckon it's a big wadge of gum...

"Do you like sea food?" (See food).

"Sure I do."

"AAAAaaaaaahhhhh."

It's a banana.

I just want to know if it's going down or on it's way out. ;)

I'm in Forks, at one time known as the armpit of the world, but with age comes mellowing. It's now home sweet home. Not in Europe, just the good ole USA & up laaaaate. Read nocturnal tot.

Forgot to mention all of you Armstrongs rock.

Thanks for the good times you add to life.

Q: What do you toss to a drowning lawyer ?

A: His partner!

Fresh from my shower, I stood in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts were too small.

Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically came up with a suggestion.

"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, I fetched a piece of toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.

"How long will this take?" I asked.

"They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies.

I stopped.

"Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your ass, didn't it?"

i think it might be a banana, but i really don't want to know.

the only reason i am here is i am still up. if i stay up past midnight, there is no telling when i will fall asleep. current time, 5:15.

Nothing like a man chewing with his mouth open to start the day!

ooops a bit slow. changing posting times now ay? its all good, as usual. :)

I still can't believe a self-confessed dork was allowed to take expensive photographic equipment on a ski/snow-boarding trip!

I know exactly what you mean about the baby-mobility. I now look back on the time when my son was immobile as possibly the most peaceful six months of my life. Of course that sort of peace-of-mind is gone now for ever. Now its toddling and climbing and running with someones-keys-in-his-hand, next, snowboarding, bungee-jumping, fast cars, loose women and endless worry until the day I die. Pass the vodka!

Bring back Leta! It's been 12 photos since last we saw Leta, she could be dating by now for all we know.

Looks like a 'nana too!
Well done on this fabbo site, tis 11.13pm here in the land downunder.
Cheers!

Well, if Dooce had kept Leta's socks on the feet wouldn't have been so tempting.

Is that the extent of what he can show his wife? Did he tear up the ski trails as well as he tore up the nanna?

also...what happened to the ickly photo icon thingy?

Oh, Susie. . .you said the "m" word!

I'm bananas for monkeys!

(sorry, awful joke, and even worse when you remember that monkey=vagina)

I agree with the banana guesses. Definitely chewed banana.

You know how in elementary school, the teachers would always tell you to eat a banana on the big state testing days, because bananas are "brain food"? Is there any truth to that?

Dooce, I love, love, love your site. I have been reading it faithfully at every lunch break since September. Great eye for pictures. I think Leta, Chuck and Jon are very lucky to have you as their family.

Bucky, if Monkey = Vagina, then what does that do to all those guys who go around 'spankin' the monkey'??

bananas have a lot of potassium - when i first moved ot aspen, peolple would say to eat a lot of them to help your body adjust to the altitude.

Then again, who is it who said - bananas taste the same coming back up as they do going down?

must go get coffee...

I'm a monkey.

Your a monkey.

Wouldn't you like to be a monkey, too?

(Did I just call myself a dick? I usually leave that to outsiders...)

Just curious as to how Bucky Four-eyes knows about the look on a $2 whore's face before she 'spits'? Inquiring minds want to know...??

why did the fifth monkey fall out of the tree?

Thought it was a race.

I kinda wondered that, too donnaly ..

What cost $2 anymore? There must be a KMart for cheap whores or something in Buckyville...

and now that my son has chicken pox and I have to miss uni and my mum can't babysit because her girlfriend is in her third trimester I am groaning why oh why did I not get that immunisation? Lucky he has a mild case. I hope Leta gets happy soon.

donnaly said at 06:20AM, 03.01.2005:
Just curious as to how Bucky Four-eyes knows about the look on a $2 whore’s face before she ‘spits’? Inquiring minds want to know…??

Guys, I have a mirror.

does it cost another two bucks to watch? ~blinks~

donnaly --
It's free to watch, but you must first sign a nondisclosure agreement, so that my trade secrets remain my own.

Even a $2 whore like me has professional standards.

Bucky your a dirty little $2 whore.

I'm very frightened. I'm starting to think like BFE. I started to type the reply about the mirror, but then I said, no, that's mean. Is there a helpline number to call when you realize you've been hopelessly corrupted by the influence of dooceketeers? Is there a law against contributing to the delinquency of a blog-commenter? Bucky, you would be SO busted.

BFE, nice to know there's still some professional integrity in the world.

I know this may not help right now Heather but if Leta is having the chicken pox now, be glad because she won't really remember them and you'll have plenty of cute adorable frog-princess Leta moments to pile on top of the ramming your head against the wall sans helmet moments. I didn't get them until I was a JUNIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL and I was so miserable I wanted to die on a daily basis.

LMAO, Jen in KC.

Striz -- I'd be *real* busty if I just gathered it all up, y'know?

Susie -- Mum's the word. You know that "three strikes" rule? One more violation, and they'll take me to a place where my monkey will be violated on a daily basis by my overpowering cellmates and. . .and. . .

I forgot. Why was I complaining?

The good news, Susannah, is that Heather _normally_ wears a helmut when ramming things with her head. And goggles.

Your only supposed to get it once Bucky.

Martha is scary.

See Spot.
Spot has two dollars.
See Spot spit.

Good1!

is there really any time when it is inappropriate to talk about penises!

i think not.

RE:#80

I thought you said gimme my monkey

Bucky were is everyone? Maybe is some more lurkers de lurked we could get this party started.

*HINT HINT LURKERS*

Bucky, you got me coughing up cooter.

My husband had the chicken pox twice. Once not so bad and then once really really awful about 5 years later. No good.

Some of us must get to work. I am also taking my monkey in this morning for grooming. She's terribly messy; spits and drools a lot.

Anybody seen Dang Cold..?

I am so sad to hear that Ms. Leta has the chicken pox. I had them when I was four and my sisters had them at the same time. I had this mammoth chicken pock smack dab in the middle of my forehead, and my mom had to put socks on my hands to keep me from scratching. My sister had a big chicken pock on her ass, which was hilarious because she was always scratching the hell out of it.

Is it true that you get shingles from the chicken pox? I heard that if you got chicken pox as a kid you can get the shingles as an adult.

Chickenpox and shingles are two diseases caused by the same virus, varicella. The virus is similar to the herpes virus, and to Epstein-Barr virus (which causes mononucleosis).

google dooce forum, offical and everything
click my name

go there and say hi, we felt guilty, hoping to not crash the dooce.com comment server again

Bucky, the pox was God's way of punishing you for exposing yourself to your nephews. Shame on you!

Before it gets too much nastier in here, I just want to comment and say how much I LOVE IT that Leta calls herself Leego.

Heather, my eldest did not talk at all until she was nearly two. We had the appointment coming up for the "serious" hearing tests, even though we knew she could hear.
On day, my father-in-law was teasing her, holding one of her toys over her head.

She kicked his foot and SCRUHEEEEEAAAAMMMMMED

"NO! DAS MOTSINS!!!!"

after a few more repetitions, we realized she was trying to say "no, that's Megan's"

Cancelled the appointment shortly thereafter. She began talking in short sentences right then and there. Doc figured she was just and observing kinda kid. wanted to watch everyone first, and only talked when it was important.

She is now in 5th grade, straight-A honor roll and in the accelerated program. Go figure.

Cristin define official.

My son was a late talker. CUZ HE COULD BE. What? Want your momma to take care of everything while you point and grunt? Ok my sweet little suger booger.

Katie, nope never. Google honey. SHHH our little secret. I had it, my kids have had the vaccine. (except the baby)

Cristin, I have heard of many children like that. My eldest sister was one of them. She didn't utter a word until she was two years old. She would point at things she wanted and grunt really loud. My mom kept freaking out because she thought her kid had something wrong with her. An elderly neighbor lady kept telling my mom not to worry, that my sister would talk when she really wanted something. Obviously she hadn't found anything compelling enough to talk about. So one day, after getting fed up with listening to her kid grunt and scream for things, my mom felt a little tug on her shirt and heard my sister say "Can I please have a glass of milk?" She just about shit her pants.

When Punkin (our oldest girl) got the chicken pox, Sweet Pea (our *then* youngest) was only 6 months old. Both had rec'd the vaccine, and Punkin's case was mild. Nearly three weeks pass and I thought that Sweet Pea wouldn't get them and I exhaled. Ten minutes later, they started showing up on Sweet Pea. I have some awfully adorable pictures of a calamine-spotted baby Sweet Pea.

Poste em CK..you haven't updated in a YEAR.

Megan obviously figured out the beauty of language and cussing really quick. Smart kid!

That's like my mom's friend, who has a pretty bad cursing habit. I remember when her daughter was about 2 years old, she was flipping through the channels on the tv at my house. She got really mad and screamed "Where's the futtin' Disney channel!!!"

Baby is in bed, son is watching amovie, hubby is knocke dout on the couch. I am going back to bed. So long suckers.

Striz, we're kinda careful with pics of the little clowns. (You know how creepy internet people can be) I can't really post the chicken pox pix. ;)

I know it's been a while since I updated... I'll post soon.

Best line in Dooce's post: "...an impressionable grumpy muffin was yodeling in the backseat". I think "yodeling" is probably the funniest word in the entire world. And Canada.

The image of a child licking a hanger she just scratched a pock with....

I need to go back to bed.

Oh, Lord, stacy....I read your comment and had to go back and RE-read it, to make sure you didn't lick the hanger after you stuck it in your butt-crack.

Need more caffeine...

I distinctly remember, being around the age of eight years old, sitting in the backseat and screaming to my sister, "What the hell's a bastard?!" I thought they were going to wreck the car.

Oh the dreaded pox...I have scars from those nasty ass bastards. I must of been in the 5th grade when it struck. I had them EVERYWHERE, even on my weewaa. I was one miserable little fuck.

Wow, first it's spittin' $2 whores, then monkeys, now yodeling muffins?

Yodeling muffin.

Now that's one helluva queef!

BFE,
Yodeling muffin! YES. I wanna see that. And the lady show shoots ping pong balls too.

How's that Unix documentation coming, hmm?

Who is that sexy man!

Girl.A -- the eunuch's documentation is coming along. . .well, much more slowly since I can't seem to stop commenting about whore monkey muffins this morning.

Oh, and a belated reply to Tiffany -- While I *have* been ticketed for indecent exposure more times than I care to admit (it's public record, people -- do your own legwork), I plead innocent to nekkidity in front of my nephews. Unless you count my oldest nephew, who used to take every opportunity to peek at my boobs when he was five.

I still want to know wtf an avalanche cannon is. Did Jon have gas, or something?

Yodeling muffin -- wow bob wow. The imagery is disturbing. I think a yodel could be included on a list of things I don't want to be confronted with in a muffin...

Talk about "see food". Wonderful photo, that I'm sure, you are both very proud of!!

Come on, U.B. You're the king of penis euphemisms - you KNOW what an avalance cannon is!

I remember having a chicken pock on my weiner.

On another note, are there any attorneys in here that are familiar with forming corporations? PROJECT DUE TODAY. I SUCK.
- - - -
No, but if you hum a few bars...

Hee. Nana. Too funny!

Also, a comment PSA - My girl Miss Doxie (http://www.missdoxie.com) is donating one dollar to ACS for every comment she gets. If you read this, please go comment to her. She would be thrilled! Thanks!

I worked in corporate and securities law for a short while lawbrat. I'm not a lawyer, though - just a legal secretary. Although we do all the work, anyway. What do you need to know? I can't promise I will remember anything, though - I tried to block it all out.

Em, what a neat way to raise money for an important cause!

I'm going to plea for comments now, too, although not for any particular cause other than my cat's self-esteem. I put his ass on the internet for all to see (Butts for Butterflies) and I'd like to be able to tell him people think he's adorable. Click on my name to see the cat butt.

THAT'S Patatomic? With a banana hangin' out of his mouth? I thought he would look more buttoned down than that. =)

potato chips AND banana

That is a really good question, lawbrat. I am definitely no expert on corporate law, like I said - my specialty is patent law. But this is what I know.

The S Corporation is a pass-through tax entity which means that the income or loss generated by the business is reflected on the personal income tax return of the owners, not the corporation.
The S Corporation must make a timely election of its S Corporation status and newly formed corporations must file form 2553 within 75 days of the formation date in order to possibly obtain S Corporation status for the current year.

It looks like you are on the right track with filling out all the forms from what I see. But then again, I have tried to block out everything and anything having to do with corporate law, so don't listen to anything I say! haha.

Lawbrat: check this out.

http://tinyurl.com/72nm

The IRS website was the only reason I got any semblance of a passing grade in fed. income tax my second year.

The IRS - great website - I am doing my research now.

I'm not doing real work, so what the hell, I may as well try and help out lawbrat.

Katie, you are so busted.

IRS...yaaawn...sheesh! thankfully that busty comment got my attention before my forehead hit the keyboard. ;-)

That's what I'm talkin' about greenthumb. Corporate law and anything having to do with the IRS is absolutely horrifying. If I had to deal with the Secretary of State one more day, I was going to shoot myself.

Let's talk about more interesting topics. Like poop!

I haven't hugged a poop today, but I have pinched a loaf.

I dropped the kids of at the pool earlier this morning.

Has anyone ever read the book "Everybody Poops"?

Katie-BBAW -- I *love* "Everybody Poops." It's a real page turner!

My friend lent it to my other friend's daughter, whom we will call "Biscuit." Biscuit fell in love with the book, to the point where her mom would walk in and find Biscuit kissing the poop pictures on every page.

Needless to say, mom took the book away from Biscuit.

First time poster...hi everybody.. I dont know if this has been mentioned yet, but I know from talking to my now adult friends about getting chicken pox when we were all kids, that some parents used to throw Chicken pox parties. The idea being that all the children would get them at the same time, and that would be chicken pox "over and done with"..I dont recall this happening to me, although being in a family of five children this probably happened anyway. :)

Bucky, yes I have that book. There is also a book titled "Everybody Farts" as well. I am waiting for the sister series starting off with "Nobody Poops But You"...it is sure to cause some sort of neurosis in young children.

Leta? I was expecting Leta today. I'll bet you have a picture of Leta with food in/on her mouth.

Great photo. I love bananas! Brilliant! Has he got a cape to?

well, i did it. I bought my D70 yesterday.

I cried about 7 times on the way home, but i'm okay now.

I swear I think there is a switch that runs the toaster on this thing!

Chewed Up food Self Portriat Thursday!

I see a theme!

Dude! Spit or swallow. That's just sick and wrong.

Edamame Salad...mmmmmm