Wow ... I have a chance to be one of the first 10 to comment. I knew my insomnia would pay off someday. Man oh man, the joy of this moment will keep me going for the next 3 days. Ah the life of a hermit :(
I'm simply posting because I'm all...woah, she'll totally maybe even like, read this, or somethin', cos I'm so high up. Rock on. You're the fuckin' cat's pajamas, Doocey dear.
I thought I should take advantage of this rare opportunity (being in the top 100 comments), to thank you for being you. Your blog has helped me develop a better since of humor about my mental health and poop. And for that I am forever grateful :D
Do you take your camera everywhere you go? I do that because I'm afraid the one time I don't, I'll miss something cool.
02.28.05 - 03:42 AM
25. Dv8or025 said:
Nice picture indeed! Happy Blogiversary! And wishing you some more ecstatic snowboarding fun, just like after the previous nightly picture-posting! ;-)
I went and saw Interpol last night, they were awesome and played 'Not Even Jail' :)
02.28.05 - 04:03 AM
29. al said:
top 50
02.28.05 - 04:05 AM
30. anja said:
dooce, I have never wanted to go snowboarding, and you've made me dream about it at night. I'll blame you if I suddenly have an expenxive snowboarding habit (I live in a country with very little snow and no hills at all)!
Hey Misha, how was the show?? They were in Houston Thursday night at a VERY SMALL venue, sold out in less than twenty minutes. I tried to get legit tickets, and when that didn't work I tried to get counterfeit tickets produced by a graphic designer friend. Too bad they didn't work, SON OF A BITCH.
The point is, I hate you for getting into their show you dirty, dirty skank. :)
02.28.05 - 04:31 AM
33. TexaRican said:
Spoonleg, I feel your pain - I tried to get tix too. Why oh WHY did they play at f*&king NUMBERS of all places!!!
And add me to the scholastic procrastinators club...I'm up studying for an exam I have at 11:30 today!
i met a snowboarding guide in puerto natales a couple weeks ago. he has spent six seasons here in south america teaching snowboarding. claims daily chest high powder and lift tickts that cost about the same as movie in LA. between the two of you i am starting to miss skipping winter this year. really, really considering coming back in july with a snowboard.
I'm having a brain funk and can't remember any truly embarassing moments (so I didn't want to put this on the main page), but I am writing to wish you a happy blog birthday.
Looks like someone spilled a little water on your water color sky. Very pretty.
02.28.05 - 05:06 AM
38. The Rancher said:
Embarassing Moment:
I went to a corporate event held at Universal Studios. Part of the event included having professional makeup artists do fantastic and gruesome things to our faces - you know, scars, popped eyes, blood, and such.
Well one guy had a fantastic job done and his face was truly gruesome, horrible scars and complete disfigurement. I said "holy cow! that's the most gruesome face here!"
It wasn't makeup. The poor guy was, in-fact, horribly disfigured.
What a heel I am.
02.28.05 - 05:07 AM
39. Sarah M said:
Salt Lake City looks so small compared to smelly old Sydney where i'm currently living.
So. Tiny.
And a happy Blog Birthday ofcourse. It's hard to believe Dooce.com has been around a full 4 years. I hope there will be many, many more
YES SPOON! I'm having Leta withdrawel myself. I'm craving the cuteness.
Please bring out your gorgeous daughter Heather! (where ever you have her currently stashed!)
Hmm...
Embarassing moments...
I had so many, let me pick the one about the first time I tried skiing. The teacher told us you can't put your skies wrong on. Left/right no matter.
Imagine his face when I asked him after 5 minutes trying, and he told me, I proved him wrong...
I actually tryed to put the curly part to the back.
02.28.05 - 05:09 AM
42. jen said:
heather -
did i miss the announcement that you were suspending pictures of the frog princess? i must say, it makes me sad, because she is delicious, but i certainly understand.
Happy Blog b-day. Great job Heather!
My most embarrassing moment was when I was a teenager. I was making out with my boyfriend behind the school. His dork friends must have known, because they drove up, yelling "Police!" and shining flashlights on us. we started running away, half-dressed, and then his friends started laughing so we knew it was them. I was pretty mortified, I had to see those guys every day the rest of the school year.
Misha, I am SO jealous (I feel your pain, Spoonleg)! Actually, they're at the Pageant in St. Louis on March 15, so maybe I can go then... during MIDTERMS week?! NOOOOO!
I have only 1 test today-- an oral exam (bum chicka bow wow). Parlez-vous francais?
And the picture is gorgeous of course, dooce. All your sky shots are amazing. But where's Leta??? **sobs**
i'm a little behind (bad pun) but I've now contributed to the Butts for Butterflies campaign. click on "kalki" to see the butts.
We want LETA! (although i must say I envy your great car shots - mine always suck)
02.28.05 - 06:29 AM
60. southern fried girl said:
My goodness, the Doocers get up early. Here I am impressed with myself for being to work on time at 8:30!!!
Very pretty pic, by the way. I do agree that more Leta pics would be wonderful though.
02.28.05 - 06:31 AM
61. MamaPajama said:
The most embarassing moment? The entire Joan Rivers/Star Jones thing. Can we get someone new to do the red carpert? Joan's patter is worn and stupid. Star is too gushy and why is Kathy Griffin there anyway?
Embarassing moment... One time while in NYC I was on my way to a Broadway show with my family. I apparently caught a stomach virus at some point. During our cab ride I started feeling worse and worse. Prssure was building up and my sphincter was boppin' like Chubby Checker. The point of no return came upon me and I told the cab to pull over immeadiately. My parents gave me this funny look, but they could totally tell something was up by the look of terror in my eyes and the sweat on my brow. As soon as the cab stopped I bolted, as fast as a man who is ready to explode can, with my hand cupped over my ass for fear of something getting out. Now I don't know if you have ever tried to find a public restroom in NYC within a minute or so, but it was no easy task. I finally made my way into a restaurant and did the cup hand sprint to the loo past a bunch of patrons and made it just in time. I'll never forget the faces of the people I ran past while holding my ass. My family also got a great chuckle out of seeing me run desperately through the streets with one hand plastered over the exit like a gatekeeper.
thank you scott - that was pleasant. im glad you survived.
02.28.05 - 06:39 AM
66. Susie said:
Embarrassing near-miss: With my now-husband, then-boyfriend, got the romantic idea to "get romantic" on the floor of his parents' living room in front of the fire, when everyone in the house is sleeping. We hear someone coming, er, approaching, and scramble to get an afghan over us, and pull all of our clothes in under the afghan. In walks elderly Auntie M, the sweetest, most innocent "spinster" auntie who ever lived. Auntie says, "You're by the fire and have a blanket over you, aren't you hot?" "No, Auntie M, we're freezing, we just can't get warm!" "My lands," she says, "you must be getting a chill. I'll get you some more blankets . . . " and she goes through the whole downstairs, gathering afghans, throws, to warm our naughty naked asses. Each time she'd leave the room, we'd scrape in more of our discarded clothes to pull under the blankets so she didn't catch on. Then she sat down in the rocker beside us and chatted for a while.
I posted a peeing on stage moment on the main page, but Scott's story reminds me of all the times I've puked in public - in restaurants, in airplanes, while driving on Lake Shore Drive in Chicago at 50 mph. I'm getting really good at it. One time it was at a coffee shop downtown, and the workers there gave me a rag and told me to clean it up. I did of course - I wouldn't want anyone else to have to do that, but it was ultra embarrassing.
One of my many most embarrassing moments also takes place in a classroom. I was in the twelfth grade, and I had literally the smallest set of boobs in the entire senior class. I begged my mother to let me have a boob job, but instead she went out and bought me these really nifty silicon inserts for my bra. These things actually looked like silicon implants, and once inserted into my bra, I had really perky, bouncy boobs. Nothing too obvious, though. Anyway, I was in seventh period Physics class learning about Kepler's law and the conservation of angular momentum, or some such crap. My teacher asked a question, and for once I knew the answer, so I shot my arm up in the air to give my scholarly response. At this point, I felt something slipping inside my shirt. The next thing that happened was like one of those slow motion scenes from a movie. You could even hear my voice say "Oooooooooh Noooooooooo" in slow motion. Of course my right silicon breast came slipping out of my bra and landed right on the floor next to me. The really cute guy that sat next to me swiftly picked it up and tossed it in my lap. He did it so fast and furtively that I don't think any of the bitchy girls with the big tits saw it, but my teacher certainly did. He went right on to teach about Kepler's law while I sat there with an extremely red face. I never wore those plastic boobs again!!!
Kbbaw: Wow! That guy must have had a crush on you to be able to help you out of that moment with such sensitivity. What ever happened to that really cute guy?
02.28.05 - 06:49 AM
70. Susie said:
Oh, Katie, that was a tough one. But how sweet was that cute boy, to help you out like that, and not go throwing it around the room or some such?
Well, it's no desk-moving fart, but... http://sbfh.blogspot.com/2004/12/memories.html
(Sorry, I'm too lazy to be redundant. But basically--yesterday's underwear+bottom of jeans+subway=ohdeargod)
02.28.05 - 06:49 AM
72. Susie said:
Psycho-kitty, thank you, you've just given me my "I'm not impressed" phrase for the week:
It's no desk-moving fart.
02.28.05 - 06:52 AM
73. becaru said:
Geez, it's a good thing Leta's gonna turn 13 months this week, cuz otherwise we might never see her photo again.
I'll share my mom's most embarrassing moment because it's a classic. She was at a rehearsal dinner, wearing a long gown, (in the '40's mind you), and when someone proposed a toast to the bridal couple, everybody stood up to toast. My Mom's dress, however, was tangled around the chair leg so instead of standing up she just flipped over backwards.
I know if she were still alive she'd love your website and your irreverence, Dooce.
I don't know what happened to that guy. I was so embarrassed by the whole boob incident that I could never face him again. Maybe at our tenth year reunion I will talk to him about it and get a few chuckles out of it. It still traumatizes me to this day! It's true that most boys would start throwing the thing around the room or stick it in their pants or something. I was lucky, that's for sure!
My embarrassing moment also includes school+desk. In seventh grade Geography class, the room of 20 students were quietly taking their tests. I was taking the test the same way I always took a test, with my eyes 3 inches from the paper. You'd think I needed glasses, but oh no, I just felt more comfortable close-up. All the sudden, without warning, the largest sneeze exited my body with such force that my forehead was slammed into my desk. The loudest smack sound caused alarm for my neighbors, who soon began laughing. For the rest of the day, I had a blood-red goose egg on my forehead.
I've told this story many many times and still have not ever found anyone else on this earth that has had a sneezing accident. Could I be the only one?
Embarrassing moment. This is sort of embarrassing by proxy, but when I was about twelve (and incredibly, horribly shy) and the breakdancing craze was in full swing, my father, who was and is still a cutting-edge trendsetter took a giant piece of linoleum and a giant boom box out to the patio for several weeks on end and taught himself to breakdance.
Kids were lined up along my fence screaming "GO DAVE!! GO DAVE!! GO DAVE!! GO DAVE!! GO DAVE!!"
I wanted to *die*.
He was pretty good, though.
Another one - when I was young and thin and had no ass I used to work as a runway model.
I was about fifteen and doing a very chi-chi swanky show that involved these hideous expensive beaded gowns.
I was extremely nervous and missed my mark at the end of the runway and consequently tripped on my heels, toppling off the runway and landing in some rich old broad's lap. You could hear beads skittering far and wide.
I started to bawl, because I thought I'd have to pay for the dress, and a giant booger shot onto the lady's dress.
All I could think of to say is "Oh my God, I'm so sorry, let me get that for you."
Ew God, I just thought of one more. When I was sixteen I had this boyfriend who wanted me to give him a hickey. I had never done it and the only ones I had ever seen were on this chick in my English class that were HUGE and really dark purple, and I thought that's what they were supposed to look like.
Brandi R. -- OMG, please forgive me, but that is the funniest thing I've heard all day... I nearly had my own "embarassing moment" when I had to stop myself from laughing out loud so the boss doesn't catch on that I may or may not be doing actual work right now...
I just got back from Dr. Johnny Fever's Oscar commentary: I highly recommend it for anyone who wants an insightful critique of last night's boob-a-palooza
The scene: The hallways of your average highschool, between classes.
Grade: 9
The set up: Shy Bookworm (me), walking to class with a large stack of books clutched to her chest, spies the Cute Boy she has a huge, unrequited crush on.
The spike: Cute Boy glances in my direction (causing tunnel vision as the rest of the world suddenly ceases to exist) and my foot catches on the corner of an upturned doormat. I go sprawling in a most spectacular display of flying books and flailing limbs.
The bonus round: After the stunned moment of disbelief wherein I begin to collect my dignity by stoically ignoring the snickers of my schoolmates, Cute Boy actually comes over to help me gather my belongings. If I could have just crawled under that mat and died....
02.28.05 - 07:20 AM
87. Marcelle said:
I love dooce!! it is like my morning cup o' java!!!
How far away was that taken from? I like how the wheel is in the picture - sort of just "there." I always try to get my steering wheel OUT of the pictures; perhaps I should try leaving it in them....
02.28.05 - 07:28 AM
89. bethy-mae said:
My whole life has been one embarassing moment after another. Recently I went to the pub and ordered a beer with a frosty mug. I went to pour the beer and was surprised when I only poured a little and it was full. I had the mug upside down. I went ahead and drank the beer out of the bottom of my mug thinking that maybe I had escaped notice. Unfortunately everyone saw it, and my buddies are still making sure that I pour beer into the right end of the mug. The worst part? I was totally sober.
Happy Fourth Anniversary to you, Heather. You are an inspiration to many, and a joy to read every day.
I'm going to add my embarrassing moment to your frontlist in a moment.
02.28.05 - 07:36 AM
92. japhy said:
that's gotta be on 1-215 east heading towards downtown. these photos are great reminders of the beauty of slc. keeps me going while i am studying federal income tax in philly. 2 more weeks and then - ski trip!
I grew up in a very small town, population 1,900. My father, was single, we were related to 10% of the population either by blood or marriage. I was an only child, but grew up with loads of cousins. Anyway, everyone knows everyone, and my dad was one of those guys that drove down main street and if he saw one of his lady friends or even his best friends mom, he would whistle real loud and shout out things like "Hey you sexy momma" or "Hey good lookin". Meanwhile cut to me...sliding down, down, down to the floorboard of the truck. It would be one thing if this happened once or twice, but this was my childhood and teen years. Until I no longer required rides from my dad.
That said, today I look back and see that my Dad made people blush, smile, even laugh. My dad really was and is just about the best guy on the planet. But I wanted to die back then.
Happy Blog-o-versary! Here's to much happiness and love...you're very deserving of all your hearts desires. Thanks for giving so much of yourself to make others blush, smile, laugh and even shed a tear.
This one time, when I was just starting to embrace my disillusionment with organized religion (but still reluctant to admit it out loud), I was in a very conservative Christian chatroom online and used the abbreviation "lmao." IMMEDIATELY a moderator sternly ordered me to watch my language.
"What?" I typed. "I just meant I was laughing my ARMS off, for all you know."
She banned me from that chat so fast my head spun. THANK GODS the comments section at dooce is free from the overbearing morals police!
I have another embarrassing moment, but this one is my sister's. This is a classic "Mary moment" as we call them. Mary is probably the most intelligent people I know, but sometimes her common sense is a little below the charts. She was living in Boston going to grad school and was working as a waitress to make ends meet. She was out smoking a cigarette the one day right across from the courthouse as she took a break from work. This guy was standing next her, and she felt really bad for him because he had no arms. The armless man asked her if he could bum a smoke from her. Of course, being the nice person she is, she stuck a cigarette in his mouth and proceeded to light it. Moments later, a cop that was standing within feet of the armless man came storming over to my sister and started screaming at her. He yanked the cigarette out of the armless man's mouth and threw it to the ground. My sister, totally confused, couldn't understand why this cop was being so cruel. It was at this point that she finally realized that the armless man was actually a guy in handcuffs waiting to be booked. The cop, apparently had turned his back for just long enough for my brilliant sister to stick a smoke in his mouth. Needless to say, she was quite mortified, and profusely apologized to the cop. She didn't tell him she thought the guy was armless. She figured it was better for him to think she was aiding a criminal in his smoking habit than for him to realize what a moron she was.
Hey Spoonleg, it was a pretty cool show. They played for an hour and came back for a 15 minute revival, and then headed out. The audience sucked though, they just stood there. No music head bobbing, no clapping, nothing! It was like zombies all bought tickets. I'm uploading really crappy pictures of it as we speak.
Thel - that's hilarious. "Laughing my arms off"... Or, "Laughing my abdomen out"...
02.28.05 - 07:54 AM
104. U.B. said:
I was in the band in high school because I couldn't afford a DORK! tattoo for my forehead.
In 10th grade, I was heading for the 'victory dance' after a ballgame and had a flat tire on my p.o.s. car, in the rain. 40 minutes later, with my mustard-yellow band shirt that had my name embroidered on it, all covered with grease and mud, I finally made it to the dance so I could stand around to shyly and not ask anyone to dance -- but still be there to ogle people that weren't socially retarded.
I went straight to the bathroom to clean up and barreled through the door with my head down. When I got inside, I couldn't help but notice that it was pink. I whipped back around and dashed back out before the door swung closed and ran straight into the hottest cheerleader/captain of the drill team girl in the school and her entire pack of cool babes. She just smiled and said 'Hi!'. As I was hot-footing it toward the exit, I could hear them absolutely collapsing in laughter inside the pink bathroom.
I think I took up weed shortly after that so I would be too hip to have to attend any more dances....(sigh)
My stepmom and I were standing at the local fair with my dad talking with people, and mom and I were about to head over to the next booth and she reached behind her with her hand to pat my dad on the ass and said, 'okay boog, let's go', only it wasn't my dad, but one of my classmates. He was good about it and said, 'okay, let's go' but I was totally mortified. My mom was just LHAO (laughed her ass off).
At a somewhat nice bar downtown, shooting pool with some friends, when this group of Very Hot Guys joined us. So we're definitely trying to act nonchalant, cool, whatever.
We had a table next to our pool table with our drinks and whatnot, and I was sitting on a chair there. I went to sit back down on it while also talking to one of the hot guys, and the chair was not there, as it had been moved.
BAM! Right smack on my ass, in the most ungraceful way possible, with my legs flying straight up in the air, drink flying up in the air as well. My loyal friends laughed so hard that one of them had to sit down on the floor with me and had tears streaming down her face. "OH MY GAAAAAHD, YOUR FACE - YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN YOUR FACE, HAAAAA!!!!"
Disneyworld. Towerofterror. It was the first week the ride was open, I was in the area and went to mgm just to ride the ride and leave. So I, single rider. Sat in the middle seat of the back row. Put on the seat belt. No lap bar for me. And no rail infront. Just me and seatbelt. The ride went along and then Drop! And then the lift. Well. Not having any hand rail to grab, I grabbed the German man next door. Right in the crotch. And very firmly. It made for a wonderful picture; his wife was thoroughly amused...
Here is my most embarrassing design story. (Yes, I have to categorize my most embarrassing stories, there are just so many to choose from)
It was several years ago and I was working on a big freelance design project. It included a logo, website and coordinating print materials for a upstart company called "The Program Consulting." They were trying to facilitate sports recruiting for college coaches and also scholarship-hunting for high school athletes. The classic moment came after seeing the printed version of one of the brochures I created. See, I had purchased a stock photo for a background pic on the pamphlet. Since it represented all sports and the pamphlet was geared at recruiting recruiters, I selected a picture of the hands of a cheering crowd. Sounds innocent, no?
The damn things had gone to press, and it wasn't until I got a panicked call from my client that my most embarrassing moment was unleashed. Unbeknownst to me (even after working on this thing for weeks) one of the shape of one of the cheering hands resembled a penis. Yes, a PENIS. Smack in the middle of the back of the brochure was a penis, clear as day. Now that I've anazlyed it so much, I have NO CLUE how no clue how NO ONE spotted it during the proofing process. It is rather glaring... oh well.
Since this is a most embarrassing moment requires visual props, you can click my name to see the offending appendage.
Total fluke. I ended up getting my money back from the stock photo company (I'm sure the letter I sent them is framed on the wall somewhere) and the pamphlets were reprinted sans wee wah. We tried to get them to reprint them for free since they messed up the line screen and gave me a really grainy print, but I can't remember if we got away with that or not.
Damn sneaky pee pees.
FYI, company is now defunct... not that the penis brochure had anything to do with it. I think they were bought out by a larger firm. Soft porn maybe?
02.28.05 - 08:24 AM
111. Kate said:
Jamie Foxx is a superstar and I am happy!
02.28.05 - 08:28 AM
112. Susie said:
Yes, Jamie F is a superstar. His speech made me cry.
Brandi R and Katie bbaw's sister Mary made me LMAO -- laugh my Altoid out
Oh, Brandi, I can just see that -- achoo--BOOM!
02.28.05 - 08:32 AM
113. Sorority Girl said:
On our way back to the dorm after a fraternity party, several of my tipsy friends and I were about to get in the elevator to go up to the 5th floor. I told everyone to hurry because I had to pee, BADLY. As the elevator doors closed, one of the girls reached in and pushed the buttons for all 5 floors, then ran up the nearby stairs. As the doors opened on the second floor, there she was doing some kind of crazy, but absolutely hilarious breakdance, making the three of us who got in the elevator crack up. I still had to pee and had backed into a corner and crossed my legs to prevent myself from going all over the place. The same thing happens on the next floor –there she is dancing like a maniac. I am about to pass out from trying to hold my laughter AND my pee in. It didn’t work. I started to pee. And because I was crossing my legs SO tight, and laughing so hard, it squirted across the elevator causing my two elevator-mates to grab on to the handrails and try to climb the elevator walls. The elevator opens again on the 4th floor and there I am, bent over double, legs crossed, peeing like a boy in the elevator. Two girls are clinging like monkeys to the handrails in the elevator, trying to keep their feet dry, and Jennifer is dancing outside the elevator wondering what the shrieking is all about. They of course NEVER let me forget it.
Great story bignik! I accidentally did something similar for a kids TV cartoon when a bears hand totally looks like it's going up a birds bottom just when the birds face changes to look of surprised pleasure. We were working so hard to beat the deadline no one noticed the slip-up, so it went off to the editors unchecked and I believed shown on air. Ah well no harm done... none of my co-animators believe I did it by accident though ;)
np - It was all about the four exclamation points!!!!
02.28.05 - 08:42 AM
120. Regina said:
My most embarrassing moment was at my high school graduation. I figured the announcers would mispronounce my last name as it is more unusual, but they misprounounced my first name.
Had I been graduating in a Commonwealth country, it wouldn't have sounded funny being prounounced...Regina...rhyming with, well, vagina. But being American and Southern, my name has always been pronounced Regina ... rhyming with Bosnia-Herzegovina. Okay, I may have a Merriam-Webster's Rhyming dictionary.
Anyway, there's nothing like your whole high school thinking vagina when you go to pick up your diploma. And my grandma and grandpa was there for hell's sake.
To this day I relive that moment and think I should have said "why don't you just call me pussy!"
My coworkers gave me a certificate for best misspelled name on junk mail "Vegina." Of course they're using their best Canadian accent to hassle me. I've really got a name that keeps on giving!
Jeez Dooce, you must have got up with the crack of dawn to get such a shot. Beautiful as it may be, I prefer to stay in bed AS LONG AS THE KIDS will let me. Nowadays it's around 7ish on the weekends. Pre-kids it used to be 10:30-11:00ish, on a good day!
Bignik that has to be the funniest thing I have ever seen. You know whoever created that paper did totally did that on purpose. That thing cannot possibly be a finger. It is definitely a wee wah.
Several years ago I took a trip with some friends to Durango for the day. We were going up there to score some clove cigarettes (illegal in New Mexico) and do some hiking (I did say several years ago)
We at a very popular Italian Restaurant and headed to the mountains for some hiking. Unfortunately I got food poisoning. Here I was up in the mountains and I had to go.. really bad. The only option was a porta potty. It was dark by then. I ran into the potty and sat down and start shitting out my colon when I realized someone before me had shit on the seat. I sat down in shit. Someone else's shit. Plus. There was no toilet paper or any way to wash anything off. I had to drive to the nearest public restroom with shit on my ass. My friends were busy retching and hanging their heads outside the windows.
Oh and boys need to learn how to squat _over_ the seat.
02.28.05 - 09:21 AM
136. Amanda said:
My most embarrassing moment:
I was sleeping next to my boyfriend after, *ahem*, spending our first night together. Sometime in the early morning I let out a fart so monstrous that it woke us both up out of a sound sleep. He literally LEAPT out of bed and ran across the room with the most terrified and bewildered look on his face. He's in the Air Force and I do believe that in his sleepy state he thought he was under mortar attack or something.
And he STILL married me!
I've been reading your blog since I was pregnant. Leta's a month older than my boy. I've never posted before but Heather-know that you have made me laugh, cry, and crave tequila.
Thanks for being you and letting me know that I wasn't the only one who felt as if giving birth meant the loss of my sanity. These days things are A LOT better, but I still have my moments. Although everything makes sense when Jacob puts his head on my shoulder.
Okay, not so embarrassing as far as these things go, but since I recounted it last night, it's fresh in memory, so here it is.
About a year after I left home and was living in a hip college town (working as a labourer) I went to see an artist friend at her shared house. One of the roomies was G., the very hip younger brother of a well-known cartoonist, a golden boy with Adonis looks and locks, and whom, by way of his near-fame, his good looks and some familiarity with an acoustic guitar, was cultivating his way through the upper echelons of ultra-hip curvaceous babes. I, of course, was about as talented, attractive and otherwise blessed as a shovelful of shit, so I was not even allowed to hang around with this cool crowd. Anyway, I'm there to see my friend, and am told by whomever answered the door that she was upstairs in the room on the right. I see the door is open as I reach the top step, and start talking in advance of actually arriving at the door. Halfway across the doorframe I see that it's G, butt naked, and banging R., the statuesque and equally aloof young manager of the local organic restaurant. He was grunting, she was moaning, the two of them were writhing about and entirely oblivious to the fact that the door was open and that I was about five feet from them. The shock of seeing these two self-absorbed stars going at it with abandon stopped me in my tracks, in mid-sentence. I stood there for an eternity, jaw agog, before finally deciding that an exit would be appropriate. I suspect that they were still oblivious to me when I said 'I'll try again later' and backed out of the room.
This scene was repeated several years later with an old high school friend - a woman who was now a nursing student. We shared a 3-room house with another guy, and were pretty casual with each other but not involved. One day I knocked on her door to ask a question, then opened the door when I heard her speak - before realising that she was wasking me to wait a second. There she was, naked, and in a lotus position on the bed, with a guy I didn't know, and they were clearly in the midst of foreplay.
Myy must imbirressen mumint wass 1 tam I wass stanndeen nist 2 1 beeg lek uf watir. I amm 1 viry nobil andd stylich dagg andd I wes standeeng andd lukeeng viry gudd en frent ef al thi peepil, And thiy wir all jilis becass I luk su gud stendeeng nist 2 thatt watir. Thin thatt windd bluwed 1 skirry beeg lif upp 2 mi and I gat viry SKIRRED! Yew kin immagin! A LIF!! I try 2 ran awwiy andd I rann and fil in2 thatt watir and I FRIKKED OUTT becass thatt watir is 2 culd 4 mi! UHMAGAADD. It wass harbil.
Andd a llat ef tams I walkk in2 glas durs and Kivin laffed at mi su mush. What thi feck du pipil nid glas durs 4?? Thus thengs R harbil andd dinjirus 4 dags!
Anuthir tam I try 2 hemp my un muthir becass shi wass in heet. That wass viry imbirrisin 4 mi Mouss.
I wuld rat mor bet yew nid 2 stap riding this Hithirr andd gu gif Shuck 1 gud trit.
What kind of cookies kalki? I make cookies just so I can eat the dough. MMM Chocolate chip. I make a mean ass peanut butter cookie dipped in chocolate. *sigh* Thanks for bringing that up.
so, any time i open up an explorer to do some googling-research for work, i always start typing "dooce" in the browser instead. i have a real problem.
embarrassing story: one time a fell UP a down escalator. i tried to be all smooth and turn around and just hop back up on the floor, but it didn't work that way. a family was going up the escalator on the other side and they were gaping and laughing as i coasted down, feeling too bewildered to stand up. this was shortly before i broke my foot while playing volleyball. and by "playing" i mean that i took a step, rolled my ankle and somehow broke my foot in the process.
I'm making snickerdoodles, a word which sounds like anything BUT cookies. They're chewy and cinnamony. I'm like you, though - I'll eat half the dough before they get in the oven.
Smacks! I *KNOW* you were not just mean to Mouse. Are you insane?
Poor little Mouse. Leaves are very skirry, especially when they attack!
Big Gay Sam- that is horrible. I am so so sorry. I am happy to say that I can not out do that story. Thanks! ;)
02.28.05 - 09:44 AM
150. 01234 said:
*Ms Striz* - So Right. You'll be glad to hear about the time I came home from high school to the sounds of my father and some woman going at it. I needed to pee, and the bathroom was next to his bedroom. The bathroom had two doors - and one of them was to his room. It was bad enough having to pee in the presence of the racket they were making, but the worst part was that I arrived just in time to hear her say that she loved the size of his organ.
I was doing my homework in the dining room when the student teacher from my history class came down the hall from his room.
Katie-be, RE: "Mary"
I went to a town wide halloween party when Pulp fiction was THEE movie as Uma Therman, after she over dosed. Here I am looking like I have coke and blood all over my face and I run up to this man in a wheel chair and GUSH about how awsome his LT. Dan costume is. I keep saying LT. Dayaan all southern. My friends come over because I am fishing around trying to figure out how he got his legs to look like they're missing. Turns out he was a homeless war vet and not even in a costume! By then half the damn town was standing around horified for the poor man, and laughing at my dumb ass. The funny thing is a really good friend of mine was with us and his name is Forest, so I turn and yell run Forest, run!
02.28.05 - 09:49 AM
153. Susie said:
Hey, Mouse -- my dog (a very bad dog, VBD, not a good dog like you or Chuck) walked right through the screen on our glass door last week. To be fair, though, he has no eye-holes right now, he's in serious need of a clip. I read your blog to him, Mouse, to try to get him to be a good dog like you, but no, he's just bad.
Smack yew nid 2 bi nis 2 mi Mouss. Am 1 viry teff dag and I wil bit yew. Andd ef yew R smilleeng shitt that es mekeeng yor hid hert, thas nat min. I nivir pup en thi houss, thatt es desgesteen. Mebbe yew R smelleeng yor un shitt or yor un dagg's shit?
Sussie, I thenkk yew R nat been viry fer 2 yor dagg. Dun't clip hem or hitt him, jist gif hem 1 gud her cet. Bi viry nas 2 him and pit hem allat. Hi alssu soundds 2 mi lak hi mat bi viry undirfedd. Tryy dubleeng hes fud andd I bit he wil bi 1 gud dagg 4 yew.
I know a new Newsletter will be out in just a couple days, but I've been going through total Leta withdrawl here!
02.28.05 - 10:02 AM
161. yes I'm blonde said:
Most embarrasing moment:
I was 6 years old, competing in a baton twirling competition. One of my routines was a duet with another girl. Our costumes were handmade by the other girl's mom, and since she didn't have enough material, she skimped on the little piece that goes between the legs and just sewed that part together. We couldn't wear underwear during the competition, since it showed underneath and would've cost us points.
You know where this is going. At one point in the routine, she bend down, I threw my baton up and did a high leg kick over her. And yes, the costume split, and there I was in all my, ahem, glory, leg over my duet partner, spread, no underwear, trying to catch a friggin baton. Supposedly someone has pictures of my first public display of my labia, but I've yet to see it.
We were disqualified for illegal costumes.
02.28.05 - 10:05 AM
162. Susie said:
OK, Mouse, I respect your authority in such matters. I will double the VBD's food, and cut some eyeholes for him and we'll see what happens. Thank you, Mouse.
02.28.05 - 10:06 AM
163. Laurie said:
Man...most embarrassing....
I was on the swim team growning up, and was a pretty good breast stroker. Well during a clinic, my coach had me demonstrate my kick on dryland so people could watch. This involved me lying on a bench on my stomach with my legs dangling, and doing the kick.
Well, during the middle of this my period started in front of a group of about 150 people. So as I stand back up, there was a very embarrassing stain on the bench and a nice trickle down my legs.
I found tampons and pads in my swim bag for months after that.....
02.28.05 - 10:08 AM
164. smacks said:
Lots of pizza over the weekend there Mouse.
02.28.05 - 10:08 AM
165. Susie said:
Oh, geez, yes I'm blonde, your story reminded me of an embarrassing baton moment. I was a majorette one year in H.S., 10th grade I think, and the head majorette gets this idea that we should twirl fire batons in a town parade. All the other high schools would have twirlers, but we'd be the only ones BLAZIN' down Main Street. Only thing was, fire batons work better if you stay put. After marching a very short distance, all of our flames were extinguished, and we marched most of the way through town twirling ugly, dull, soot-covered metal sticks. So stupid.
Embarrassing moment#2
It was Valentines day circa junior year of high school. I had all my goodies from the gang in this gift bag including a tampon from a friend who handed it to me in the middle of a very crowded quad. She's waving it around telling me not to say she never gave me anything. I snatched it and shoved in the bag. So I'm walking to class late in the hall here comes thee cutest boy you've ever seen not to mention my crush for nearly two years. I am walking twords him swinging my arms when the bottom of the bag blows out and candy and tampons go flying across the floor. He bends down, picks up the tampon that has slid to his feet, hands it to me as I try not to faint and says I think you need this more than I do. Happy menstration day! Needless to say I scrambled up some chocolate, ran to the bathroom and cried.
02.28.05 - 10:17 AM
168. Laurie said:
Thought of one more:
When my dad came back from the Gulf in 1990, he stood up in front of 200 people and said "when I left for the Gulf Laurie was just a little girl. I come back and she's had her first period and is wearing a bra."
1. leigh said:
cool, looks like a lovely dawn for a nice day.
2. mkhett said:
first?
this is what college procrastination will do to your sleep schedule.
3. Erin said:
mkhett, me too! I'm up writing a paper that's due tomorrow...yeah, I started at 10pm. Not too bright..
4. jordan said:
Wow ... I have a chance to be one of the first 10 to comment. I knew my insomnia would pay off someday. Man oh man, the joy of this moment will keep me going for the next 3 days. Ah the life of a hermit :(
5. Su said:
I'm simply posting because I'm all...woah, she'll totally maybe even like, read this, or somethin', cos I'm so high up. Rock on. You're the fuckin' cat's pajamas, Doocey dear.
6. stacey said:
i'm in the first ten commentors? holy crap!
lovely pic, heather. :)
7. Krissy said:
very pretty - looks nice and peaceful.
8. Tina said:
(raises hand) Another procrastinator here with a paper due. Why do we do this to ourselves?
9. michelle said:
i'm procrastinating dealing with my crap job by either sucking it up or quitting. hence, i'm taking a sick day. *cough*
happy blog birthday, and happy unemployment anniversary! your site makes me laugh out loud on a regular basis...
10. Marcia said:
on the road again?
11. Henryk_ said:
..the looooong and winding roaddddd!
12. eve said:
wow, my first time and i'm in the top 1000. !! great photo too, btw. (as if comments here had anything to do with photos!) :)
13. Henryk_ said:
First there was "Dusk over Wires"...now we have "SLC silhouette......and at about 3:00 am as well!
14. Ronny said:
nice photo as usual. trying my best to imitate but my photos never tell as much for some reason :)
15. koof said:
drive by doocing!
16. kim said:
i'm back in the office and OH HOW I MISSED THOU (not the office though) -- happy belated fourth blogirthday. we're so glad you've made it.
17. jordan said:
I thought I should take advantage of this rare opportunity (being in the top 100 comments), to thank you for being you. Your blog has helped me develop a better since of humor about my mental health and poop. And for that I am forever grateful :D
18. cohesash said:
why on earth are you still up?
19. no name slob said:
Very cool--looks like a movie still. Million Dollar Dooce.
20. Kiki said:
We have a sunny day also!
21. sweetney said:
looks as though a game of tetris got dropped into the middle of some sort of virtual reality driving game.
22. Sarah in the Azores said:
lovely, lovely
23. Kiki said:
Sweetney, you should be an art critic :)
24. Heatheranne said:
Do you take your camera everywhere you go? I do that because I'm afraid the one time I don't, I'll miss something cool.
25. Dv8or025 said:
Nice picture indeed! Happy Blogiversary! And wishing you some more ecstatic snowboarding fun, just like after the previous nightly picture-posting! ;-)
26. Lisa S said:
Hey! You turned the comments off on Friday!
You make me want to head to Utah!
27. Lisa S said:
I forgot to say happy vd day!
28. Misha said:
Woo! Top 20!
I went and saw Interpol last night, they were awesome and played 'Not Even Jail' :)
29. al said:
top 50
30. anja said:
dooce, I have never wanted to go snowboarding, and you've made me dream about it at night. I'll blame you if I suddenly have an expenxive snowboarding habit (I live in a country with very little snow and no hills at all)!
31. spoonleg said:
WE WANT LETA PICS! NOOOOOOOW!
32. spoonleg said:
Hey Misha, how was the show?? They were in Houston Thursday night at a VERY SMALL venue, sold out in less than twenty minutes. I tried to get legit tickets, and when that didn't work I tried to get counterfeit tickets produced by a graphic designer friend. Too bad they didn't work, SON OF A BITCH.
The point is, I hate you for getting into their show you dirty, dirty skank. :)
33. TexaRican said:
Spoonleg, I feel your pain - I tried to get tix too. Why oh WHY did they play at f*&king NUMBERS of all places!!!
And add me to the scholastic procrastinators club...I'm up studying for an exam I have at 11:30 today!
Happy Monday all. :)
34. The Mighty Jimbo said:
i met a snowboarding guide in puerto natales a couple weeks ago. he has spent six seasons here in south america teaching snowboarding. claims daily chest high powder and lift tickts that cost about the same as movie in LA. between the two of you i am starting to miss skipping winter this year. really, really considering coming back in july with a snowboard.
35. Danielle said:
I'm having a brain funk and can't remember any truly embarassing moments (so I didn't want to put this on the main page), but I am writing to wish you a happy blog birthday.
8-)
36. wherethewild said:
hey my first time too and I'm under 50!
37. Aimee said:
Looks like someone spilled a little water on your water color sky. Very pretty.
38. The Rancher said:
Embarassing Moment:
I went to a corporate event held at Universal Studios. Part of the event included having professional makeup artists do fantastic and gruesome things to our faces - you know, scars, popped eyes, blood, and such.
Well one guy had a fantastic job done and his face was truly gruesome, horrible scars and complete disfigurement. I said "holy cow! that's the most gruesome face here!"
It wasn't makeup. The poor guy was, in-fact, horribly disfigured.
What a heel I am.
39. Sarah M said:
Salt Lake City looks so small compared to smelly old Sydney where i'm currently living.
So. Tiny.
And a happy Blog Birthday ofcourse. It's hard to believe Dooce.com has been around a full 4 years. I hope there will be many, many more
YES SPOON! I'm having Leta withdrawel myself. I'm craving the cuteness.
Please bring out your gorgeous daughter Heather! (where ever you have her currently stashed!)
Sarah x
40. Audra said:
That's gorgeous. I take pics of the Nashville skyline all the time. I am in love with big cities!
41. Kiki said:
Hmm...
Embarassing moments...
I had so many, let me pick the one about the first time I tried skiing. The teacher told us you can't put your skies wrong on. Left/right no matter.
Imagine his face when I asked him after 5 minutes trying, and he told me, I proved him wrong...
I actually tryed to put the curly part to the back.
42. jen said:
heather -
did i miss the announcement that you were suspending pictures of the frog princess? i must say, it makes me sad, because she is delicious, but i certainly understand.
43. ap said:
It's so TINY! More Leta photos - we miss the Leta photos!!
44. Eric said:
I thought SLC was much bigger. Looks like Leta could step on downtown, or at least crawl over and put some buildings in her mouth.
45. Sarah M said:
And so the outcry begins.
46. heidillydoo said:
Good morning, good morrrrning! It's great to stay up late. Good morning, good morning to youuuu!
47. Mamaramma said:
This picture looks kind of sad, but it's pretty. Happy blog-o-versary!
48. bushra said:
cool! i like car window pictures! trouble is my dad and brothers drive like maniacs...
49. that-andrea said:
Cool pic - they all are! Like the variety, and thinking about why Heather snapped/posted each one. Keep it up, Dooce!
50. Em said:
More loveliness!
These are all super nice.
51. Thalia said:
purdy!
52. Chicky Sue said:
Happy Blog b-day. Great job Heather!
My most embarrassing moment was when I was a teenager. I was making out with my boyfriend behind the school. His dork friends must have known, because they drove up, yelling "Police!" and shining flashlights on us. we started running away, half-dressed, and then his friends started laughing so we knew it was them. I was pretty mortified, I had to see those guys every day the rest of the school year.
53. gingermog said:
It looks like your passing Stonehenge. Honest!
54. Sunbather said:
dooce, only you can make unemployment and motherhood look so so cool. i really should get myself pregnant and fired soon...
55. Chloe (is here) said:
Misha, I am SO jealous (I feel your pain, Spoonleg)! Actually, they're at the Pageant in St. Louis on March 15, so maybe I can go then... during MIDTERMS week?! NOOOOO!
I have only 1 test today-- an oral exam (bum chicka bow wow). Parlez-vous francais?
And the picture is gorgeous of course, dooce. All your sky shots are amazing. But where's Leta??? **sobs**
56. Kiki said:
Just because it was Oscar night last night...
How about a competition?
"The dorkest embarracing story of the day award" goes to...
57. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
You guys aren't lookin' close enough at the picture. Leta *is* in the picture.
She's driving, duh!
58. Gooooder said:
beautiful.
damn what time are you posting? is leta waking you up at all hours of the night?
59. kalki said:
dooce and dooceketeers,
i'm a little behind (bad pun) but I've now contributed to the Butts for Butterflies campaign. click on "kalki" to see the butts.
We want LETA! (although i must say I envy your great car shots - mine always suck)
60. southern fried girl said:
My goodness, the Doocers get up early. Here I am impressed with myself for being to work on time at 8:30!!!
Very pretty pic, by the way. I do agree that more Leta pics would be wonderful though.
61. MamaPajama said:
The most embarassing moment? The entire Joan Rivers/Star Jones thing. Can we get someone new to do the red carpert? Joan's patter is worn and stupid. Star is too gushy and why is Kathy Griffin there anyway?
62. Kieran said:
AHHH more sky shots! Where is the dog balls and cute kids!
63. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
I see white people. They're everywhere.
64. Scott said:
Happy Blog Birthday!
Embarassing moment... One time while in NYC I was on my way to a Broadway show with my family. I apparently caught a stomach virus at some point. During our cab ride I started feeling worse and worse. Prssure was building up and my sphincter was boppin' like Chubby Checker. The point of no return came upon me and I told the cab to pull over immeadiately. My parents gave me this funny look, but they could totally tell something was up by the look of terror in my eyes and the sweat on my brow. As soon as the cab stopped I bolted, as fast as a man who is ready to explode can, with my hand cupped over my ass for fear of something getting out. Now I don't know if you have ever tried to find a public restroom in NYC within a minute or so, but it was no easy task. I finally made my way into a restaurant and did the cup hand sprint to the loo past a bunch of patrons and made it just in time. I'll never forget the faces of the people I ran past while holding my ass. My family also got a great chuckle out of seeing me run desperately through the streets with one hand plastered over the exit like a gatekeeper.
65. squirll said:
thank you scott - that was pleasant. im glad you survived.
66. Susie said:
Embarrassing near-miss: With my now-husband, then-boyfriend, got the romantic idea to "get romantic" on the floor of his parents' living room in front of the fire, when everyone in the house is sleeping. We hear someone coming, er, approaching, and scramble to get an afghan over us, and pull all of our clothes in under the afghan. In walks elderly Auntie M, the sweetest, most innocent "spinster" auntie who ever lived. Auntie says, "You're by the fire and have a blanket over you, aren't you hot?" "No, Auntie M, we're freezing, we just can't get warm!" "My lands," she says, "you must be getting a chill. I'll get you some more blankets . . . " and she goes through the whole downstairs, gathering afghans, throws, to warm our naughty naked asses. Each time she'd leave the room, we'd scrape in more of our discarded clothes to pull under the blankets so she didn't catch on. Then she sat down in the rocker beside us and chatted for a while.
67. Mamaramma said:
I posted a peeing on stage moment on the main page, but Scott's story reminds me of all the times I've puked in public - in restaurants, in airplanes, while driving on Lake Shore Drive in Chicago at 50 mph. I'm getting really good at it. One time it was at a coffee shop downtown, and the workers there gave me a rag and told me to clean it up. I did of course - I wouldn't want anyone else to have to do that, but it was ultra embarrassing.
68. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
One of my many most embarrassing moments also takes place in a classroom. I was in the twelfth grade, and I had literally the smallest set of boobs in the entire senior class. I begged my mother to let me have a boob job, but instead she went out and bought me these really nifty silicon inserts for my bra. These things actually looked like silicon implants, and once inserted into my bra, I had really perky, bouncy boobs. Nothing too obvious, though. Anyway, I was in seventh period Physics class learning about Kepler's law and the conservation of angular momentum, or some such crap. My teacher asked a question, and for once I knew the answer, so I shot my arm up in the air to give my scholarly response. At this point, I felt something slipping inside my shirt. The next thing that happened was like one of those slow motion scenes from a movie. You could even hear my voice say "Oooooooooh Noooooooooo" in slow motion. Of course my right silicon breast came slipping out of my bra and landed right on the floor next to me. The really cute guy that sat next to me swiftly picked it up and tossed it in my lap. He did it so fast and furtively that I don't think any of the bitchy girls with the big tits saw it, but my teacher certainly did. He went right on to teach about Kepler's law while I sat there with an extremely red face. I never wore those plastic boobs again!!!
69. Mamaramma said:
Kbbaw: Wow! That guy must have had a crush on you to be able to help you out of that moment with such sensitivity. What ever happened to that really cute guy?
70. Susie said:
Oh, Katie, that was a tough one. But how sweet was that cute boy, to help you out like that, and not go throwing it around the room or some such?
71. Psycho Kitty said:
Well, it's no desk-moving fart, but...
http://sbfh.blogspot.com/2004/12/memories.html
(Sorry, I'm too lazy to be redundant. But basically--yesterday's underwear+bottom of jeans+subway=ohdeargod)
72. Susie said:
Psycho-kitty, thank you, you've just given me my "I'm not impressed" phrase for the week:
It's no desk-moving fart.
73. becaru said:
Geez, it's a good thing Leta's gonna turn 13 months this week, cuz otherwise we might never see her photo again.
I'll share my mom's most embarrassing moment because it's a classic. She was at a rehearsal dinner, wearing a long gown, (in the '40's mind you), and when someone proposed a toast to the bridal couple, everybody stood up to toast. My Mom's dress, however, was tangled around the chair leg so instead of standing up she just flipped over backwards.
I know if she were still alive she'd love your website and your irreverence, Dooce.
74. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
I don't know what happened to that guy. I was so embarrassed by the whole boob incident that I could never face him again. Maybe at our tenth year reunion I will talk to him about it and get a few chuckles out of it. It still traumatizes me to this day! It's true that most boys would start throwing the thing around the room or stick it in their pants or something. I was lucky, that's for sure!
75. brandi r. said:
My embarrassing moment also includes school+desk. In seventh grade Geography class, the room of 20 students were quietly taking their tests. I was taking the test the same way I always took a test, with my eyes 3 inches from the paper. You'd think I needed glasses, but oh no, I just felt more comfortable close-up. All the sudden, without warning, the largest sneeze exited my body with such force that my forehead was slammed into my desk. The loudest smack sound caused alarm for my neighbors, who soon began laughing. For the rest of the day, I had a blood-red goose egg on my forehead.
I've told this story many many times and still have not ever found anyone else on this earth that has had a sneezing accident. Could I be the only one?
76. Gordon said:
SLC, the city of doom...
77. Jennifer A McGarrah said:
Beautiful sky shots you got there Heather. Keep it up!
78. Circus Kelli said:
The city looks so tiny from here... almost like an anthill...
That steering wheel and dashboard however look HUGE...
79. Matt in London said:
Hey - the steering wheeel is on the wrong side of the car :-)
80. Trance said:
Embarrassing moment. This is sort of embarrassing by proxy, but when I was about twelve (and incredibly, horribly shy) and the breakdancing craze was in full swing, my father, who was and is still a cutting-edge trendsetter took a giant piece of linoleum and a giant boom box out to the patio for several weeks on end and taught himself to breakdance.
Kids were lined up along my fence screaming "GO DAVE!! GO DAVE!! GO DAVE!! GO DAVE!! GO DAVE!!"
I wanted to *die*.
He was pretty good, though.
Another one - when I was young and thin and had no ass I used to work as a runway model.
I was about fifteen and doing a very chi-chi swanky show that involved these hideous expensive beaded gowns.
I was extremely nervous and missed my mark at the end of the runway and consequently tripped on my heels, toppling off the runway and landing in some rich old broad's lap. You could hear beads skittering far and wide.
I started to bawl, because I thought I'd have to pay for the dress, and a giant booger shot onto the lady's dress.
All I could think of to say is "Oh my God, I'm so sorry, let me get that for you."
Dorrrrrrrrk.
81. Trance said:
Ew God, I just thought of one more. When I was sixteen I had this boyfriend who wanted me to give him a hickey. I had never done it and the only ones I had ever seen were on this chick in my English class that were HUGE and really dark purple, and I thought that's what they were supposed to look like.
Kids called me Hoover for a month.
82. spoonleg said:
GO DAVE! GO DAVE! IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY! DO THE ROBOT!
83. Circus Kelli said:
Brandi R. -- OMG, please forgive me, but that is the funniest thing I've heard all day... I nearly had my own "embarassing moment" when I had to stop myself from laughing out loud so the boss doesn't catch on that I may or may not be doing actual work right now...
84. Mamaramma said:
I just got back from Dr. Johnny Fever's Oscar commentary: I highly recommend it for anyone who wants an insightful critique of last night's boob-a-palooza
85. Trance said:
My dad is pushing sixty and can still do a pretty mean Caterpillar.
86. Pixie said:
The scene: The hallways of your average highschool, between classes.
Grade: 9
The set up: Shy Bookworm (me), walking to class with a large stack of books clutched to her chest, spies the Cute Boy she has a huge, unrequited crush on.
The spike: Cute Boy glances in my direction (causing tunnel vision as the rest of the world suddenly ceases to exist) and my foot catches on the corner of an upturned doormat. I go sprawling in a most spectacular display of flying books and flailing limbs.
The bonus round: After the stunned moment of disbelief wherein I begin to collect my dignity by stoically ignoring the snickers of my schoolmates, Cute Boy actually comes over to help me gather my belongings. If I could have just crawled under that mat and died....
87. Marcelle said:
I love dooce!! it is like my morning cup o' java!!!
88. Kristen said:
How far away was that taken from? I like how the wheel is in the picture - sort of just "there." I always try to get my steering wheel OUT of the pictures; perhaps I should try leaving it in them....
89. bethy-mae said:
My whole life has been one embarassing moment after another. Recently I went to the pub and ordered a beer with a frosty mug. I went to pour the beer and was surprised when I only poured a little and it was full. I had the mug upside down. I went ahead and drank the beer out of the bottom of my mug thinking that maybe I had escaped notice. Unfortunately everyone saw it, and my buddies are still making sure that I pour beer into the right end of the mug. The worst part? I was totally sober.
Anyone care to join me for a beer shot?
90. Trance said:
Bethy-Mae, LMFAO...
91. Sarah said:
Happy Fourth Anniversary to you, Heather. You are an inspiration to many, and a joy to read every day.
I'm going to add my embarrassing moment to your frontlist in a moment.
92. japhy said:
that's gotta be on 1-215 east heading towards downtown. these photos are great reminders of the beauty of slc. keeps me going while i am studying federal income tax in philly. 2 more weeks and then - ski trip!
93. greenthumb said:
I grew up in a very small town, population 1,900. My father, was single, we were related to 10% of the population either by blood or marriage. I was an only child, but grew up with loads of cousins. Anyway, everyone knows everyone, and my dad was one of those guys that drove down main street and if he saw one of his lady friends or even his best friends mom, he would whistle real loud and shout out things like "Hey you sexy momma" or "Hey good lookin". Meanwhile cut to me...sliding down, down, down to the floorboard of the truck. It would be one thing if this happened once or twice, but this was my childhood and teen years. Until I no longer required rides from my dad.
That said, today I look back and see that my Dad made people blush, smile, even laugh. My dad really was and is just about the best guy on the planet. But I wanted to die back then.
94. Mamaramma said:
Is this the stupidest question ever: What does LMFAO stand for? I know LOL - but that's about it.
95. Trance said:
Laughing My Fucking Ass Off.
96. Mamaramma said:
Trance - thanks. The light has been turned on.
97. nika said:
pretty. i like city silhouettes -- Minneapolis is beautiful, too.
98. greenthumb said:
Dooce:
Happy Blog-o-versary! Here's to much happiness and love...you're very deserving of all your hearts desires. Thanks for giving so much of yourself to make others blush, smile, laugh and even shed a tear.
Cheese and Rice Mary, you RAWK my world.
99. Thel said:
Trance,
This one time, when I was just starting to embrace my disillusionment with organized religion (but still reluctant to admit it out loud), I was in a very conservative Christian chatroom online and used the abbreviation "lmao." IMMEDIATELY a moderator sternly ordered me to watch my language.
"What?" I typed. "I just meant I was laughing my ARMS off, for all you know."
She banned me from that chat so fast my head spun. THANK GODS the comments section at dooce is free from the overbearing morals police!
100. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
I have another embarrassing moment, but this one is my sister's. This is a classic "Mary moment" as we call them. Mary is probably the most intelligent people I know, but sometimes her common sense is a little below the charts. She was living in Boston going to grad school and was working as a waitress to make ends meet. She was out smoking a cigarette the one day right across from the courthouse as she took a break from work. This guy was standing next her, and she felt really bad for him because he had no arms. The armless man asked her if he could bum a smoke from her. Of course, being the nice person she is, she stuck a cigarette in his mouth and proceeded to light it. Moments later, a cop that was standing within feet of the armless man came storming over to my sister and started screaming at her. He yanked the cigarette out of the armless man's mouth and threw it to the ground. My sister, totally confused, couldn't understand why this cop was being so cruel. It was at this point that she finally realized that the armless man was actually a guy in handcuffs waiting to be booked. The cop, apparently had turned his back for just long enough for my brilliant sister to stick a smoke in his mouth. Needless to say, she was quite mortified, and profusely apologized to the cop. She didn't tell him she thought the guy was armless. She figured it was better for him to think she was aiding a criminal in his smoking habit than for him to realize what a moron she was.
101. Amanda B. said:
Blaaaugh. Monday.
It took me like 5 minutes to figure out what SLC meant. I was thinking Mormon compound-Sacred Light of Christ? Brain function at 15% and rising.
If you guys didn't catch Girl A.'s embarassing story from yesterday, you must go see. It was the truly spectacular.
102. Misha said:
Hey Spoonleg, it was a pretty cool show. They played for an hour and came back for a 15 minute revival, and then headed out. The audience sucked though, they just stood there. No music head bobbing, no clapping, nothing! It was like zombies all bought tickets. I'm uploading really crappy pictures of it as we speak.
103. Trance said:
Thel - that's hilarious. "Laughing my arms off"... Or, "Laughing my abdomen out"...
104. U.B. said:
I was in the band in high school because I couldn't afford a DORK! tattoo for my forehead.
In 10th grade, I was heading for the 'victory dance' after a ballgame and had a flat tire on my p.o.s. car, in the rain. 40 minutes later, with my mustard-yellow band shirt that had my name embroidered on it, all covered with grease and mud, I finally made it to the dance so I could stand around to shyly and not ask anyone to dance -- but still be there to ogle people that weren't socially retarded.
I went straight to the bathroom to clean up and barreled through the door with my head down. When I got inside, I couldn't help but notice that it was pink. I whipped back around and dashed back out before the door swung closed and ran straight into the hottest cheerleader/captain of the drill team girl in the school and her entire pack of cool babes. She just smiled and said 'Hi!'. As I was hot-footing it toward the exit, I could hear them absolutely collapsing in laughter inside the pink bathroom.
I think I took up weed shortly after that so I would be too hip to have to attend any more dances....(sigh)
105. brandi r. said:
Thanks Circus Kelli.
106. greenthumb said:
okay..one more and then I gotta work.
My stepmom and I were standing at the local fair with my dad talking with people, and mom and I were about to head over to the next booth and she reached behind her with her hand to pat my dad on the ass and said, 'okay boog, let's go', only it wasn't my dad, but one of my classmates. He was good about it and said, 'okay, let's go' but I was totally mortified. My mom was just LHAO (laughed her ass off).
107. Kassi said:
Your fart episode is something that would so happen to my husband...maybe some day he'll share his apricot story.
108. Trance said:
Thought of one more.
At a somewhat nice bar downtown, shooting pool with some friends, when this group of Very Hot Guys joined us. So we're definitely trying to act nonchalant, cool, whatever.
We had a table next to our pool table with our drinks and whatnot, and I was sitting on a chair there. I went to sit back down on it while also talking to one of the hot guys, and the chair was not there, as it had been moved.
BAM! Right smack on my ass, in the most ungraceful way possible, with my legs flying straight up in the air, drink flying up in the air as well. My loyal friends laughed so hard that one of them had to sit down on the floor with me and had tears streaming down her face. "OH MY GAAAAAHD, YOUR FACE - YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN YOUR FACE, HAAAAA!!!!"
Bitches.
109. squirll said:
Disneyworld. Towerofterror. It was the first week the ride was open, I was in the area and went to mgm just to ride the ride and leave. So I, single rider. Sat in the middle seat of the back row. Put on the seat belt. No lap bar for me. And no rail infront. Just me and seatbelt. The ride went along and then Drop! And then the lift. Well. Not having any hand rail to grab, I grabbed the German man next door. Right in the crotch. And very firmly. It made for a wonderful picture; his wife was thoroughly amused...
110. bignik said:
Happy Bday, dooce.com!
Here is my most embarrassing design story. (Yes, I have to categorize my most embarrassing stories, there are just so many to choose from)
It was several years ago and I was working on a big freelance design project. It included a logo, website and coordinating print materials for a upstart company called "The Program Consulting." They were trying to facilitate sports recruiting for college coaches and also scholarship-hunting for high school athletes. The classic moment came after seeing the printed version of one of the brochures I created. See, I had purchased a stock photo for a background pic on the pamphlet. Since it represented all sports and the pamphlet was geared at recruiting recruiters, I selected a picture of the hands of a cheering crowd. Sounds innocent, no?
The damn things had gone to press, and it wasn't until I got a panicked call from my client that my most embarrassing moment was unleashed. Unbeknownst to me (even after working on this thing for weeks) one of the shape of one of the cheering hands resembled a penis. Yes, a PENIS. Smack in the middle of the back of the brochure was a penis, clear as day. Now that I've anazlyed it so much, I have NO CLUE how no clue how NO ONE spotted it during the proofing process. It is rather glaring... oh well.
Since this is a most embarrassing moment requires visual props, you can click my name to see the offending appendage.
Total fluke. I ended up getting my money back from the stock photo company (I'm sure the letter I sent them is framed on the wall somewhere) and the pamphlets were reprinted sans wee wah. We tried to get them to reprint them for free since they messed up the line screen and gave me a really grainy print, but I can't remember if we got away with that or not.
Damn sneaky pee pees.
FYI, company is now defunct... not that the penis brochure had anything to do with it. I think they were bought out by a larger firm. Soft porn maybe?
111. Kate said:
Jamie Foxx is a superstar and I am happy!
112. Susie said:
Yes, Jamie F is a superstar. His speech made me cry.
Brandi R and Katie bbaw's sister Mary made me LMAO -- laugh my Altoid out
Oh, Brandi, I can just see that -- achoo--BOOM!
113. Sorority Girl said:
On our way back to the dorm after a fraternity party, several of my tipsy friends and I were about to get in the elevator to go up to the 5th floor. I told everyone to hurry because I had to pee, BADLY. As the elevator doors closed, one of the girls reached in and pushed the buttons for all 5 floors, then ran up the nearby stairs. As the doors opened on the second floor, there she was doing some kind of crazy, but absolutely hilarious breakdance, making the three of us who got in the elevator crack up. I still had to pee and had backed into a corner and crossed my legs to prevent myself from going all over the place. The same thing happens on the next floor –there she is dancing like a maniac. I am about to pass out from trying to hold my laughter AND my pee in. It didn’t work. I started to pee. And because I was crossing my legs SO tight, and laughing so hard, it squirted across the elevator causing my two elevator-mates to grab on to the handrails and try to climb the elevator walls. The elevator opens again on the 4th floor and there I am, bent over double, legs crossed, peeing like a boy in the elevator. Two girls are clinging like monkeys to the handrails in the elevator, trying to keep their feet dry, and Jennifer is dancing outside the elevator wondering what the shrieking is all about. They of course NEVER let me forget it.
114. smacks said:
Sorority Girl. Oh my god am I laughing! Pisssss!
115. Mrs.Strizzay said:
can someone find me Dooces orgigonal OF FRANCE!!!! post please?
116. cathi said:
Strizz:
http://www.dooce.com/archives/daily/10_26_2004.html
117. gingermog said:
Great story bignik! I accidentally did something similar for a kids TV cartoon when a bears hand totally looks like it's going up a birds bottom just when the birds face changes to look of surprised pleasure. We were working so hard to beat the deadline no one noticed the slip-up, so it went off to the editors unchecked and I believed shown on air. Ah well no harm done... none of my co-animators believe I did it by accident though ;)
118. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Thanks I knew someone could do it!!!
119. cathi said:
np - It was all about the four exclamation points!!!!
120. Regina said:
My most embarrassing moment was at my high school graduation. I figured the announcers would mispronounce my last name as it is more unusual, but they misprounounced my first name.
Had I been graduating in a Commonwealth country, it wouldn't have sounded funny being prounounced...Regina...rhyming with, well, vagina. But being American and Southern, my name has always been pronounced Regina ... rhyming with Bosnia-Herzegovina. Okay, I may have a Merriam-Webster's Rhyming dictionary.
Anyway, there's nothing like your whole high school thinking vagina when you go to pick up your diploma. And my grandma and grandpa was there for hell's sake.
To this day I relive that moment and think I should have said "why don't you just call me pussy!"
My coworkers gave me a certificate for best misspelled name on junk mail "Vegina." Of course they're using their best Canadian accent to hassle me. I've really got a name that keeps on giving!
121. TulsaOkie said:
Jeez Dooce, you must have got up with the crack of dawn to get such a shot. Beautiful as it may be, I prefer to stay in bed AS LONG AS THE KIDS will let me. Nowadays it's around 7ish on the weekends. Pre-kids it used to be 10:30-11:00ish, on a good day!
122. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Bignik that has to be the funniest thing I have ever seen. You know whoever created that paper did totally did that on purpose. That thing cannot possibly be a finger. It is definitely a wee wah.
123. Trance said:
Sorority Girl, HA! That is excellent. God, I love drunken stories.
124. Mrs.Strizzay said:
I am hungry.
125. Sorority Girl said:
Mrs. Strizzay, I'm hungry too. AND I smell that someone has just made microwave popcorn. I might have to go make friends.
126. Big Gay Sam said:
Most embarrassing moment:
Several years ago I took a trip with some friends to Durango for the day. We were going up there to score some clove cigarettes (illegal in New Mexico) and do some hiking (I did say several years ago)
We at a very popular Italian Restaurant and headed to the mountains for some hiking. Unfortunately I got food poisoning. Here I was up in the mountains and I had to go.. really bad. The only option was a porta potty. It was dark by then. I ran into the potty and sat down and start shitting out my colon when I realized someone before me had shit on the seat. I sat down in shit. Someone else's shit. Plus. There was no toilet paper or any way to wash anything off. I had to drive to the nearest public restroom with shit on my ass. My friends were busy retching and hanging their heads outside the windows.
Worst. Trip. Ever.
127. Mrs.Strizzay said:
I am going to make a salad. MMM
128. smacks said:
Big Gay Sam....I hate when that happens.
129. Mrs.Strizzay said:
BGS...EWE!!
130. Susie said:
Here, Strizz, finish off this birfday cake . . .
131. Mrs.Strizzay said:
But...if you wear underwear you should have taken those off and used them to wipe and THEN thrown them far far away.
132. Mrs.Strizzay said:
No no cake!!
133. Susie said:
Wha? What? I'm sorry.... HERE!! Celery sticks! Cucumbers, carrots, NO DIP!!!!
134. smacks said:
You should never NEVER EVER sit on a seat you can't take a gander at first!
135. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Listen abit of dip won't hurt. Pass that shit.
Oh and boys need to learn how to squat _over_ the seat.
136. Amanda said:
My most embarrassing moment:
I was sleeping next to my boyfriend after, *ahem*, spending our first night together. Sometime in the early morning I let out a fart so monstrous that it woke us both up out of a sound sleep. He literally LEAPT out of bed and ran across the room with the most terrified and bewildered look on his face. He's in the Air Force and I do believe that in his sleepy state he thought he was under mortar attack or something.
And he STILL married me!
I've been reading your blog since I was pregnant. Leta's a month older than my boy. I've never posted before but Heather-know that you have made me laugh, cry, and crave tequila.
Thanks for being you and letting me know that I wasn't the only one who felt as if giving birth meant the loss of my sanity. These days things are A LOT better, but I still have my moments. Although everything makes sense when Jacob puts his head on my shoulder.
Amanda :)
137. kalki said:
I'm baking cookies. Just ONE cookie, Mrs. Strizz?
138. 01234 said:
Okay, not so embarrassing as far as these things go, but since I recounted it last night, it's fresh in memory, so here it is.
About a year after I left home and was living in a hip college town (working as a labourer) I went to see an artist friend at her shared house. One of the roomies was G., the very hip younger brother of a well-known cartoonist, a golden boy with Adonis looks and locks, and whom, by way of his near-fame, his good looks and some familiarity with an acoustic guitar, was cultivating his way through the upper echelons of ultra-hip curvaceous babes. I, of course, was about as talented, attractive and otherwise blessed as a shovelful of shit, so I was not even allowed to hang around with this cool crowd. Anyway, I'm there to see my friend, and am told by whomever answered the door that she was upstairs in the room on the right. I see the door is open as I reach the top step, and start talking in advance of actually arriving at the door. Halfway across the doorframe I see that it's G, butt naked, and banging R., the statuesque and equally aloof young manager of the local organic restaurant. He was grunting, she was moaning, the two of them were writhing about and entirely oblivious to the fact that the door was open and that I was about five feet from them. The shock of seeing these two self-absorbed stars going at it with abandon stopped me in my tracks, in mid-sentence. I stood there for an eternity, jaw agog, before finally deciding that an exit would be appropriate. I suspect that they were still oblivious to me when I said 'I'll try again later' and backed out of the room.
This scene was repeated several years later with an old high school friend - a woman who was now a nursing student. We shared a 3-room house with another guy, and were pretty casual with each other but not involved. One day I knocked on her door to ask a question, then opened the door when I heard her speak - before realising that she was wasking me to wait a second. There she was, naked, and in a lotus position on the bed, with a guy I didn't know, and they were clearly in the midst of foreplay.
Things were a little awkward after that.
139. Mouse said:
Myy web sit is almust 4 yirs uld 2!
Myy must imbirressen mumint wass 1 tam I wass stanndeen nist 2 1 beeg lek uf watir. I amm 1 viry nobil andd stylich dagg andd I wes standeeng andd lukeeng viry gudd en frent ef al thi peepil, And thiy wir all jilis becass I luk su gud stendeeng nist 2 thatt watir. Thin thatt windd bluwed 1 skirry beeg lif upp 2 mi and I gat viry SKIRRED! Yew kin immagin! A LIF!! I try 2 ran awwiy andd I rann and fil in2 thatt watir and I FRIKKED OUTT becass thatt watir is 2 culd 4 mi! UHMAGAADD. It wass harbil.
Andd a llat ef tams I walkk in2 glas durs and Kivin laffed at mi su mush. What thi feck du pipil nid glas durs 4?? Thus thengs R harbil andd dinjirus 4 dags!
Anuthir tam I try 2 hemp my un muthir becass shi wass in heet. That wass viry imbirrisin 4 mi Mouss.
I wuld rat mor bet yew nid 2 stap riding this Hithirr andd gu gif Shuck 1 gud trit.
140. Big Gay Sam said:
hey now! it was dark! I couldn't see. It wasn't my fault damn it! It was food poisoning! *sob*
141. smacks said:
Mouse, you give me a headache with that shit.
142. Mrs.Strizzay said:
What kind of cookies kalki? I make cookies just so I can eat the dough. MMM Chocolate chip. I make a mean ass peanut butter cookie dipped in chocolate. *sigh* Thanks for bringing that up.
01234, seriously dude...your a peeping tom. LMAO
143. amberlyn said:
so, any time i open up an explorer to do some googling-research for work, i always start typing "dooce" in the browser instead. i have a real problem.
embarrassing story: one time a fell UP a down escalator. i tried to be all smooth and turn around and just hop back up on the floor, but it didn't work that way. a family was going up the escalator on the other side and they were gaping and laughing as i coasted down, feeling too bewildered to stand up. this was shortly before i broke my foot while playing volleyball. and by "playing" i mean that i took a step, rolled my ankle and somehow broke my foot in the process.
i'm nothing if not coordinated and graceful.
144. kalki said:
I'm making snickerdoodles, a word which sounds like anything BUT cookies. They're chewy and cinnamony. I'm like you, though - I'll eat half the dough before they get in the oven.
145. the niffer said:
It's ok Big Gay Sam. I feel your pain. In fact, you described the moment so well I can smell it.
146. Mrs.Strizzay said:
One time I shut an escalot off, you know that red button under the glass case. (I was YOUNG! OK SHIT) And there were people on it!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA
It beeps loud if you do that.
147. the niffer said:
Mrs. Striz, you are such a bad ass!
148. the niffer said:
shit disturber
149. Amanda B. said:
Smacks! I *KNOW* you were not just mean to Mouse. Are you insane?
Poor little Mouse. Leaves are very skirry, especially when they attack!
Big Gay Sam- that is horrible. I am so so sorry. I am happy to say that I can not out do that story. Thanks! ;)
150. 01234 said:
*Ms Striz* - So Right. You'll be glad to hear about the time I came home from high school to the sounds of my father and some woman going at it. I needed to pee, and the bathroom was next to his bedroom. The bathroom had two doors - and one of them was to his room. It was bad enough having to pee in the presence of the racket they were making, but the worst part was that I arrived just in time to hear her say that she loved the size of his organ.
I was doing my homework in the dining room when the student teacher from my history class came down the hall from his room.
151. smacks said:
Insane would be about right.
152. jp said:
Katie-be, RE: "Mary"
I went to a town wide halloween party when Pulp fiction was THEE movie as Uma Therman, after she over dosed. Here I am looking like I have coke and blood all over my face and I run up to this man in a wheel chair and GUSH about how awsome his LT. Dan costume is. I keep saying LT. Dayaan all southern. My friends come over because I am fishing around trying to figure out how he got his legs to look like they're missing. Turns out he was a homeless war vet and not even in a costume! By then half the damn town was standing around horified for the poor man, and laughing at my dumb ass. The funny thing is a really good friend of mine was with us and his name is Forest, so I turn and yell run Forest, run!
153. Susie said:
Hey, Mouse -- my dog (a very bad dog, VBD, not a good dog like you or Chuck) walked right through the screen on our glass door last week. To be fair, though, he has no eye-holes right now, he's in serious need of a clip. I read your blog to him, Mouse, to try to get him to be a good dog like you, but no, he's just bad.
154. the niffer said:
01234, that is the craziest shit ever. You should write a screenplay.
155. Mrs.Strizzay said:
I am so not glad to know that.
156. kalki said:
snickerdoodle: when you shit your pants laughing
157. shakes said:
I concur with Smacks.
158. Annejelynn said:
lovely pic n' all, but I MISS LETA!
159. Mouse said:
Smack yew nid 2 bi nis 2 mi Mouss. Am 1 viry teff dag and I wil bit yew. Andd ef yew R smilleeng shitt that es mekeeng yor hid hert, thas nat min. I nivir pup en thi houss, thatt es desgesteen. Mebbe yew R smelleeng yor un shitt or yor un dagg's shit?
Sussie, I thenkk yew R nat been viry fer 2 yor dagg. Dun't clip hem or hitt him, jist gif hem 1 gud her cet. Bi viry nas 2 him and pit hem allat. Hi alssu soundds 2 mi lak hi mat bi viry undirfedd. Tryy dubleeng hes fud andd I bit he wil bi 1 gud dagg 4 yew.
160. Annejelynn said:
I know a new Newsletter will be out in just a couple days, but I've been going through total Leta withdrawl here!
161. yes I'm blonde said:
Most embarrasing moment:
I was 6 years old, competing in a baton twirling competition. One of my routines was a duet with another girl. Our costumes were handmade by the other girl's mom, and since she didn't have enough material, she skimped on the little piece that goes between the legs and just sewed that part together. We couldn't wear underwear during the competition, since it showed underneath and would've cost us points.
You know where this is going. At one point in the routine, she bend down, I threw my baton up and did a high leg kick over her. And yes, the costume split, and there I was in all my, ahem, glory, leg over my duet partner, spread, no underwear, trying to catch a friggin baton. Supposedly someone has pictures of my first public display of my labia, but I've yet to see it.
We were disqualified for illegal costumes.
162. Susie said:
OK, Mouse, I respect your authority in such matters. I will double the VBD's food, and cut some eyeholes for him and we'll see what happens. Thank you, Mouse.
163. Laurie said:
Man...most embarrassing....
I was on the swim team growning up, and was a pretty good breast stroker. Well during a clinic, my coach had me demonstrate my kick on dryland so people could watch. This involved me lying on a bench on my stomach with my legs dangling, and doing the kick.
Well, during the middle of this my period started in front of a group of about 150 people. So as I stand back up, there was a very embarrassing stain on the bench and a nice trickle down my legs.
I found tampons and pads in my swim bag for months after that.....
164. smacks said:
Lots of pizza over the weekend there Mouse.
165. Susie said:
Oh, geez, yes I'm blonde, your story reminded me of an embarrassing baton moment. I was a majorette one year in H.S., 10th grade I think, and the head majorette gets this idea that we should twirl fire batons in a town parade. All the other high schools would have twirlers, but we'd be the only ones BLAZIN' down Main Street. Only thing was, fire batons work better if you stay put. After marching a very short distance, all of our flames were extinguished, and we marched most of the way through town twirling ugly, dull, soot-covered metal sticks. So stupid.
166. smacks said:
LOTS of pizza.
167. jp said:
Embarrassing moment#2
It was Valentines day circa junior year of high school. I had all my goodies from the gang in this gift bag including a tampon from a friend who handed it to me in the middle of a very crowded quad. She's waving it around telling me not to say she never gave me anything. I snatched it and shoved in the bag. So I'm walking to class late in the hall here comes thee cutest boy you've ever seen not to mention my crush for nearly two years. I am walking twords him swinging my arms when the bottom of the bag blows out and candy and tampons go flying across the floor. He bends down, picks up the tampon that has slid to his feet, hands it to me as I try not to faint and says I think you need this more than I do. Happy menstration day! Needless to say I scrambled up some chocolate, ran to the bathroom and cried.
168. Laurie said:
Thought of one more:
When my dad came back from the Gulf in 1990, he stood up in front of 200 people and said "when I left for the Gulf Laurie was just a little girl. I come back and she's had her first period and is wearing a bra."
My mom, my sister and I just about died.