Already starting to feel the pain and it was only 9:45 in the morning
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- Bedtime, Leta lingering defiantly in the hallway. Jon: "If you want fart stories, you better get in bed RIGHT NOW."
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
301. Clearly said:
Minxlj
I don't know anyone who left CSA under good terms!
Newcastle is a very small village, so i wouldn't want to say too much. It was 3 years ago so it may be better now!
I do wish you the best of luck (Richard is a star, only person I got on really well with there)
Except a few others i know heve left now as well!
Talk about a small world. I thought you were talking about John when you mentioned Charlton!
302. MonoCerdo said:
Dooce,
I just have to say that by advertising your newfound aptitude for snowboarding, you are giving dangerous false hopes to those of us who are painfully winter sport impaired. After my last skiing experience, wherein I walked down the entire length of a black diamond hill in the French Alps, sobbing and seriously damaging my shins as my boots cut into them with every humiliating step, I vowed never to return to the slopes. But now, after hearing your success story, I'm starting to reconsider. Maybe I should give it another shot! If Dooce can do it, why can't I? I might even LIKE it!
Clearly, only bad things can come of this.
303. Matt in London said:
texbecks - stop it - I HAVE TO WORK... oh, go on then...London to Shropshire (west, next to Wales). From there north to Manchester, then East to Yorkshire, then a train back to London - basically I am doing a near lap of the country tomorrow..as for seeing the countryside...it will be raining or snowing and I'll be on the motorway :-(
304. minxlj said:
Lilla - this place only employs 10 people, so it's a very freaky occurence. Ya can't expect us ot not talk about it ;-)
Just like you can't expect Brits not to talk about football!
When I go to Houston, I've definitely changed my mind about driving!
305. Dang Cold.. said:
bushra its dang cold in toronto
matt work and blogging is a delicate balance. just think of how smokers disappear every 30 minutes. I used to be one of them :D. enjoy the day off tomorrow.
306. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
I have given her the moniker "the Black Widow". I dubbed her "Widow" for short. This sounds like sort of an ominous name for a car (at least she's not the widow-maker) but I think it is quite fitting for her. I'll tell ya', she has gotten through some pretty harsh weather for being so small, so I think she deserves a bad-ass name like the Black Widow.
307. bushra said:
it's dang cold in birmingham too. although my fingers haven't stuck to the keyboard. oh my, look at the time. the end of another hard day at the office...
308. texbecks said:
matt in london: please do enjoy yourself and while you're on the motorway do stop off and buy some cadbury chocolate because we cannot get most of your lovely treats here in the states...even though Cadbury Schweppes has their headquarters here in Dallas. Enjoy the scenery and now you are free to work again...unhindered by my pleas!
309. Lilla said:
Bushra, I know how you feel. Few blinks, few postings, reading comments and the day is over.
Oh just remebered: must work, must work...
310. Jo said:
Katie that is one cool name for a car. I take it shes black, lol. Mine is called BeeBee and shes electric blue and i could just eat her up.
311. Lilla said:
Sorry Minx... I didn't mean to be rude :)
312. Gordon said:
Heather does look pissed. Almost like a photographer from The National Equirer jumped out of the trees and snapped a few before Heather punched his lights out...
313. Jo said:
Just think, the Americans DONT GET TO EAT CADBURY CREME EGGS. It's shocking.
314. Effie said:
Good Morning Heather-
do my eyes deceive me or in that picture are you in need of a snot rag? (just joking) It looks like you've already had your fill of the snow--was this picture taken before you started enjoying yourself??
315. Circus Kelli said:
henry said at 06:34AM, 02.24.2005:
circus kelli -
that’d be incredibly easy to do… web coding etc != rocket science (which in itself, i am told, is not that hard either).
-------------
Are you available for tutoring?
316. minxlj said:
Aw I love how people name their cars!
Funnily enough, the pet name I use for the GNER train I travel on twice a day is not repeatable.
Commuting in this country is misery!
317. Jo said:
Damn you guys, all i've written is the title of the chpater im supposed to be writing. I got up at 10am to write it and now its 4:20!!!
318. Jo said:
Minx how do you eat yours?
319. minxlj said:
*NO CREME EGGS???????????*
(faints)
Hmm...I wonder what I'm going to have to fill my suitcase with when I go to FL this year?
God the Americans should petition to get creme eggs, they're missing out!
320. Lilla said:
Oh Minx, don't get me started on commuting! It's dang miserable, I feel your pain.... grrrrrrr
321. Circus Kelli said:
#37 or something
minxlj said at 05:05AM, 02.24.2005:
Yeah…I’ve been telling my friends about Dooce and they wonder what the hell I’m talking about…but the phenomenon is spreading worldwide!!
----------
Hubby now asks me (sarcastically) each night how work went today. His second question is "Did you get your Dooce today?"
Smart-ass.
322. spoonleg said:
DOWN WITH THE LIGHT RAIL! HURRAH!
323. Jo said:
Minx, you think youve got a problem with going on holiday and having to take creme eggs with you. I'm travelling for NINE MONTHS. Thats it, im gonna have to take the clothes on my back, a toothbrush, and a back pack filled with eggs.
324. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Of course we have Cadbury Creme Eggs! Only at Easter time, but we have them. I love that yummy "yolk" inside.
325. texbecks said:
JO & Minx,
no, wait! we DO have the creme eggs. there are so few people who like them. they're a little like snot-wrapped chocolate. but the other stuff...all those candy bars y'all have there...we don't have them. i wish i could remember the names but they are lost on me at the moment.
326. minxlj said:
I live in Darlington and work in the north of Newcastle - a trip of 90 miles per day!!
Why do I do it??????
327. Jo said:
Mmmmm cremey goodness....
328. Effie said:
Jo--are you saying that there is no Cadbury's mini eggs in the States either? I hear they are sorely deprived of Smarties as well--those poor saps--we Canadians have it good in the sweets department, I suppose!
329. cathi said:
Jo - we have the Cadbury Creme Eggs here, but usually only around Easter. What we don't have in the states are Smarties (the chocolate ones). That really sucks.
330. Southern Fried Girl said:
Nice picture. So sorry you were feeling the pain - not good. :(
331. Lilla said:
Circus Kelli - great tip: on my heavy days (in terms of work, of course) I just print the daily postings out and get 'Dooced' on the way home.... a-m-a-z-i-n-g
332. Jo said:
ITS OK EVERYBODY!!! THE AMERICANS HAVE CREME EGGS!!! Phew, it really did upset me that you might not have them. And how can you call them snot wrapped in chocolate! Have you no tastebuds?????
333. texbecks said:
Oh Effie, come ON. of course we have Smarties. but i think that those fall into the "less than" category for candies. sort of like Candy Corn at Halloween. gross and easy to find.
334. minxlj said:
SO FEW PEOPLE THAT LIKE THEM?
*WHAT?*
OMG I can't believe you just said that...Americans must be tainted by years of crappy Hersheys! ;-D
Creme Eggs rule! I'll bet Leta would love them - and make a helluva mess too!
335. cathi said:
I wish we had Cadbury vending machines here like you have there. Are they in Canada, too?
336. Jo said:
Effie no no they DO! CRISIS OVER! Sorry for that false alarm. I assumed that because they didn't have all the candy bars they were deprived of creme eggs too. But they do, so its a small compensation for not having smarties.
337. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Cadbury Creme eggs are definitely not snot in chocolate. They are scrumptious! I heard about the British uproar over the chocolate smarties packaging. Apparently the well-loved packaging is being phased out. I can tell you - I don't know about British Smarties, but American Smarties are the bomb!!!
338. Circus Kelli said:
#128 kate:...as the “great†Eric & Kathy say, if it’s aired it’s fair game. Chicago morning radio, for those unfamiliar.
----------
That's goofy... I was just thinking about Chicago morning radio DJ's today on the way to work. Seriously. I flip all over the radio during my commute: Eric and Kathy, Gina and ... uh, the guy she's on there with, Big John and Ray... sorry for the tangent. as you were...
339. Chelle in San Diego said:
Repentance is for pussies.
No regrets,
M.
340. texbecks said:
Oh wait! am i confused? aren't Smarties the pastel-colored (or coloured) powdery sweets that come rolled in thin plastic? is there another treat called Smarties that i don't know about? (salivating)
341. minxlj said:
Next you're gonna tell me they don't have Cadbury Crunchies!!!!
342. Lilla said:
Creme Eggs???! Yuck... that's right, yuck! Just like snot covered in chocolate.
Sorry folks, I live in London but hate it w passion. Bring on Chocolate Orange though! Who's with me???
343. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
The British have chocolate smarties - they appear to be somewhat like M&M's, like a candy-coated chocolate.
344. Circus Kelli said:
CM: Darth Vader is Luke’s father
---------
Are you kidding me?! Damn! When did that come out?! Oh, and did you know that Zurg is Buzz Lightyear's father?
OT: Cingular is doing some Star Wars thing. Hubby mentioned it to me last night and I thought of some of our Doocelings right away.
345. Pissy Britches said:
You look ummm...very fucking cold in that picture.
346. Susie said:
SPOILER ALERT
Begging your pardon, yes we do get to eat Cadbury Creme Eggs in the U.S. at Easter time. At least in the mid-Atlantic we do. The best thing about them is their TV commercial where the bunny clucks like a chicken, then lays the egg. Those things put me into a sugar-stupor comparable to that induced by a Krispy Kreme donut.
347. cathi said:
texbecks - right. England has chocolate Smarties. They're awesome. So much better than m&ms.
348. texbecks said:
mmm, i love choclate orange. our welsh friends bring them to dallas when they visit...nummmmmy.
349. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
I like the Chocolate Orange, and I like the mini-Cadbury eggs and crunchies. We have all of those in the U.S., however the latter two we only have at Easter-time.
350. cathi said:
What are Cadbury Crunchies?
351. Jo said:
I just had post on my blog that americans do in fact have creme eggs. I'm delighted! And ORANGE CHOCOLATE rocks too.
352. cathi said:
texbecks, I live in San Angelo and can get chocolate oranges at the Eckerds/CVS and local grocery stores.
353. Jo said:
OMG!!!!! CADBURY CRUNCHIES!!!! HEAVEN. WRAPPED. IN. FOIL.
354. Susie said:
The chocolate orange, is that the one that you smash, to break it into slices? I like the whole violence/chocolate/fruit thing.
355. Carrie said:
351 comments and its only 8:30am PST. Jeez Dooce is SO the place to be today!
356. AyEnDeeAreEeAyAitch said:
I love that chuck called you a twat. I call my lab a twat all the time. In fact I have a new song for her based on Snoop*Dogg's and Pharrels R&G Hit, "Drop it like it's hot" it goes like this:
All the kids in the neighborhood, barkin' like a twat, barkin like a twat. All the cats wanna get at you, barkin like a twat, barkin like a twat. And if My owner gets an attitude, barkin like a twat, barkin like a twat.
357. texbecks said:
here's something you Brits don't have: Dairy Queen. truly, i weep for those of you who have never had a Peanut Buster Parfait. or a Dilly Bar. heaven.
358. Jo said:
Susie you get them in bars too, but they're no where near as fun nor are they big enough. Ditch the bars! Get the smashy fruit thing!
359. LadyBug said:
Cool pic, in an I'm-totally-pissed-and-recording-that-fact-for-posterity kind of way. Heh.
360. minxlj said:
Susie - the bunny lays an egg??? That's just not right...
LOL gotta love the US advertising, can't wait to see that one! Our Creme Egg campaign revolves around 'how do you eat yours' which leads to some imagination ;-)
Ohhhh Cathi you have GOT to taste a Crunchie! They are fab, it's golden honeycomb covered in chocolate. MMmmm
361. Jo said:
No no, what the BRITS miss out on, I swear to god, are CINNABON. I would KILL to taste cinnabon again. I'm actually quite depressed now i've thought of that because I HAVE to eat one NOW.
362. Amanda B. said:
Mmmmmm. I love Cadbury eggs. Nothing says 'Jesus'like simulated fetal chicken.
363. Jo said:
Minx i asked you how you eat yours earlier but you ignored me :p
364. cathi said:
Jo - You also get desserts served in lakes of warm custard... and fish and chips (the good stuff, I mean, because it's all crap here).
365. Jason said:
It occured to me that if Dooce ever decided to go see the world, she'd have not rouble lining up free accomidations all over the world...mind you some of those might involve some pretty freaky people...
Living in Luxembourg I get about 4 English channels: 1. CNN (oooo, so much fun!) 2. BBC World (like poop tea for the brain.) 3. CNBC (At least they show three week old episodes of Conan on weekends.) 4. MTV (Israel edition?!) and then some subtitled CSI now and then on the Dutch channel...mmmm leker!
So, I have to wonder, simply how pathetic do you have to be if a freakin TV show is that important in your life.
Spoiler? Spoil this, beeeatch.
366. minxlj said:
Sorry Jo, I got caught up in thoughts of Creme Eggs!
(You do realise now that my detox is screwed and I'm gonna buy one on the way home!)
Hmm. I eat them any which way I can ;-) LOL
367. texbecks said:
hmm. we do the whole, "how do you eat yours" deal but i think that campaign came out in the 80s with the York Peppermint Patty...then picked up again in the 90s with Reeses Peanut Butter Cups. damn. as i read over my posts, it appears am i a)a candy/sweets afficianado and b)pre-menstrual.
368. Jo said:
Cathi, I would pass on the custard thing (yak) but I agree with the fish and chips. OOOOH YES.
369. cathi said:
Effie, if Canada has all this stuff, we're really going to have to consider moving there. It's a shame my husband is military... I may just have to leave him.
370. Mr Bob said:
Mr Bob likes Creme Eggs!!!
371. Cristin said:
we do have the more standard Cadbury bars all year here, we have dairy milk, fruit & nut, but no flake, fingers, krunchies, unless you find a specialty Irish Cottage/British grocer gift store.
we can get it online, although at ridiculous prices
Whenever we travel (or the in-laws come here) we ALWAYS have to pack Branston Pickle, choccie-biccies, smarties, cadbury flaxe, bisto granules, and oxo cubes. My hubby would otherwise go into withdrawl.
372. minxlj said:
Creme Eggs, custard, fish and chips. That's it, the detox is OFF!!!!
:-D
373. Jo said:
Minx, if you read my blog you can see how i lasted a DAY on detox. I come to the conclusion that detoxes are for celebrities only. And as for creme eggs, i bite the top off, take a lick at the "simulated fetal chicken" then eat the rest in 2 bites. bliss.
374. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
I love those Cadbury Creme egg commercials, with the bunny that clucks like a chicken. It is sort of an odd concept to an imagine a bunny laying an egg, though.
I eat my Cadbury Creme egg the same way every time. I break it open with my teeth, then I use my finger to get out all of the "snot" yolk. That stuff is amazing! Then I eat the chocolate.
375. texbecks said:
2 summers ago I lived in Oxford and promptly gained 15 pounds due to the discovery of fish & chips...and British cider.
376. Mr Bob said:
Mr Bob thinks 'take a lick at the “simulated fetal chickenâ€' is just plain wrong!
377. ksea said:
Hi, I can join in the US-UK discussion on both sides as I'm an American in London. Mini eggs, chocolate oranges, Mars Delight, YES! Smarties, no. I'll stick to M&Ms in that debate. And yes, the absence of Dairy Queen is a loss for Britain, but now that McDs does McFlurries, at least there's a substitute Blizzard in case of emergencies. And they put UK candy in (like Creme Eggs).
378. DeAnn said:
This reminds me of that episode of "Friends" where Rachel tries to smoke to impress her co-workers, and she is complaining about how it hurts and she feels gross and dirty, etc. Chandler says, "It's about to get SO! GOOD!."
379. Jo said:
I met some Americans in Kenya, and they were genuinely perplexed about Marmite.
380. Cristin said:
the cadbury caramel eggs ROCK too
and the chocolate orange?
"WHACK AND UNWRAP"
381. Jo said:
Mr Bob- HA HA HA. Sorry about that. ahem.
382. Susie said:
minxlj, not only a bunny; if I'm not mistaken, they put Easter bonnets on all sorts of animals (I recall a lion . . .), and have them cluck as though in uh, labor, and then they lay a "delicious Cadbury creme egg." I can imagine the kinds of ads you guys are talking about, the "how do you eat yours?" It is a rather sensual experience, getting the goo out of the chocolate shell.
And Jo, I'm sure you're right about smashable orange versus bar; I wouldn't even bother with the bar. The violence is part of the whole chocolate orange experience.
This conversation is getting very distressing. I'm getting snowed in here with no chocolate on the premises.
383. texbecks said:
Oh good lord, Jo. the mere mention of Marmite gives me hives. when i was over there they served it at the breakfast table...?? the horror.
384. Susie said:
Katiebbaw, I lick/suck the "snot" out. (Am I channeling BFE? I don't usually talk like this!)
385. cathi said:
Mormons lay on hands? On what? I didn't think they got to have any fun.
386. Mr Bob said:
Marmite and cheese! Marmite and cheese! Brilliant!
387. minxlj said:
ksea: you just reminded me of the Creme Egg McFlurry that McDonald's do at Easter!!!!
ohhhhhhhhh bye bye detox...
My fiance goes nuts for chocolate oranges...if he doesn't get one for Easter, Christmas and birthday he gets upset, LOL.
I'm loving the serious chocolate fetish going on here today!
388. Jo said:
texbecks, the marmite slogan is- you either love it or hate it! I'm quite partial to a bit of marmite on toast. And it always makes me laugh when i think of the Americans faces when i tried to explain what it was, and kept saying 'Mahmah? What's Mahmah?'
389. cathi said:
Cristin, my brother liked the Turkish Delights (ew!). I was able to find some online for him. Yes - exorbitant prices.
390. hannah said:
Marmite is just wrong. I really cannot stand it, although as a small child I loved it. Creme eggs however are possibly the food of the gods. And for reference, I bite the top off and lick the insides out.
Currently the snow here [warwick, uk] is piddling and pathetic and refuses to settle, however this weekend I am going home [Yorkshire] where I am assured there is plenty of the stuff.
391. Jo said:
Mr Bob, Marmite and peanut butter is quite good. PEANUT BUTTER...I'm like Brad Pitt in Meet Joe Black when i see a jar of Peanut Butter. Oh the joy.
392. Jason said:
Chocolate today and Poop yesterday.
Best when brown, smooth, and a pleasure.
393. Circus Kelli said:
Jo said at 09:19AM, 02.24.2005:
Just think, the Americans DONT GET TO EAT CADBURY CREME EGGS. It’s shocking.
----------------
Yes, we do. Once a year around Easter, my Mom gives those to me. I love those things.
394. texbecks said:
Sweet Jo,
here's a new slogan for Marmite: Chinese Cashew Chicken Diarrhea Sculpture meets jam.
395. Jason said:
I hate those eggs. The caramel ones they introduced a few years back are far superiour, beats the crap out of that simulated egg snot.
396. Jo said:
Our advert for marmite is currently a big brown disgusting blob of marmite terrorizes the streets. Half the people jump into it lovingly, and the rest run away screaming. Gotta love the honesty!
397. minxlj said:
I thought I was the only person who liked Turkish Delight - every time I buy them anyone I know says 'yuk'. I think they're a 'love me or hate em' kind of sweet.
I love them, but hate Marmite. The two wouldn't do well together...
398. Mr Bob said:
Oh no! I draw the line at peanut butter. Although my fiancee has it with jam... urgh! Bring on the Lion Bar if you want decent chocolatey snack!
399. Jo said:
Jason, thats simulated FETAL CHICKEN.
400. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Is Marmite the same thing as marmelade?
401. texbecks said:
I'm off to class...cheers to all the Brits. Hats off to Katie in Houston & Cathi in Angelo. Big kiss to everyone who loves peanut butter. mmmwwaah!
402. Jo said:
I thought my mother was the only person to like Turkish Delight. Although I have to say the little turkish delight bites that you get in boxes of cadbury chocolates is rather Turkish-delightful.
403. StarGazer said:
# AyEnDeeAreEeAyAitch said at 09:35AM, 02.24.2005:
I love that chuck called you a twat. I call my lab a twat all the time. In fact I have a new song for her based on Snoop*Dogg’s and Pharrels R&G Hit, “Drop it like it’s hot†it goes like this:
All the kids in the neighborhood, barkin’ like a twat, barkin like a twat. All the cats wanna get at you, barkin like a twat, barkin like a twat. And if My owner gets an attitude, barkin like a twat, barkin like a twat.
--------------------------
Oh - my - gawd! I am laughing so hard right now. Silently of course, at my desk, rocking back and forth, tears streaming.
Now I am DEFINITELY downloading that ringtone so everytime my phone rings I can giggle.
Between that and random tourette-like thoughts of 'OF FRANCE!!!!' people are starting to look at my strange.
404. Clearly said:
Have you seen the new marmite ad, where what appears to be a large lump of poo chases people down the street?
That freaked me out!
405. Jo said:
Bye texbecks (kiss back) and Katie, Marmite couldnt be more DIFFERENT to marmelade if it tried.
406. Jo said:
Clearly see my post above!
407. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Then what is Marmite? It sounds rather strange fromt the comments I have been reading. It is brown? And you put it on toast?!?
408. Jo said:
Katie, your question amuses me so much i'm going to have to blog about it. I will link to you ;)
409. kendra said:
Marmite...now there's a spread. A friend of mine has a british mum and would always bring Marmite and cheese sandwiches for lunch. I would every once in a while give it a try thinking "it can't be that bad...".
It is.
Sorry. I just don't understand the love for yeast extract. :(
410. Mr Bob said:
My mate Marmite! It's yeast extract, it's brown, it's gloopy, you put it on toast and in sarnies. Very nice... Not to be confused with Bovril which is weird and people make hot drinks out of?!
411. Effie said:
I just want to clarify the type of Smarties I was talking about: they are very similar to M&Ms only better colours and a bit better taste--candy coated chocolate-yum!
And, unlike M&Ms, Smarties DO melt in your hands if you don't eat them fast enough!
412. Matt in London said:
Katie BBAW..check out www.marmite.com
back to my plan....
413. henry said:
circus kelli -
sure, what the hell. i've just spent the past three hours teaching computation theory, i can probably help out with the auto-updating thing if you want.
rocket science, tho, not my subject.
414. squish said:
Is marmite anything like Vegamite?
I've tried that. Very salty. Surprisingly enjoyable, once you get over the initial shock.
415. Jo said:
Katie check my blog
416. RazDreams said:
so, dooce, all i had to do was join the mormon faith to get people to lay their hands all over me?! AMEN TO THAT, SISTER! catholics don't get felt up when *they* go to Church. getting felt up at Church probably isn't what i should be all excited about, though...
417. Jo said:
It is just like vegemite, only vegemite is vegetarian..or ..something
418. kendra said:
As far as I know Vegamite = Aussie Marmite
419. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
I found a neat site on marmite! IT is YEAST!!! Oh my lord! http://www.accomodata.co.uk/marmite.htm
420. Mr Bob said:
And if you tap marmite with a spoon for long enough it goes white...
421. Effie said:
Marmite aka yeast extract. Rather disgusting goop--it must be an acquired taste--my hubby bought some once because it was referred to in a song he once heard--it was an awfully small jar and yet we couldn't finish it!
422. squish said:
Jo, Kendra. ohhh.
423. Shiz said:
Mmmmmmm ... chocolate Smarties.
http://tinyurl.com/3z4xa
Made by Nestlé.
424. kendra said:
By the way Effie, you Canadian? I thought Smarties were only available in Canada...
425. Jo said:
Mr Bob I'm not even going to bother asking how you found that out. I'll tell you something else interesting, though. If you leave a bottle of Groundnut Oil in a really cold place it turns into thick yellowy goop.
426. Susie said:
Jo, that Marmite website is special. Spread it on a)toast, b) nipples AND c) hemmorhoids. Nice. Yum.
Hand me one of those whack and eat chocolate oranges, wouldja? Ya'll can have the Marmite.
427. Jo said:
NESTLE are a bad, immoral company. Dont buy their stuff.
428. Effie said:
Yup Kendra--
born & raised in Ontario--in the Georgian Bay vicinity--apple country! Now in the Niagara Region.....rather cold right now--or as DC puts it Dang Cold! :)
429. Girl.A said:
Hey - I thought marmite was made of mashed marmots, no?
430. Idony said:
Your memory ROCKS Heather - I envy you!!
431. Susie said:
Girl A., only if the marmots had yeast infections.
432. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Thanks Jo for giving me a shout-out! I am sure all of England will laugh at my American ignorance of Marmite.
I still think it sounds absolutely horrid. Fermented Yeast and spices?!? Who ever thought of this idea? I find it funny women use it to wean their babies.
433. Jo said:
Suzie can you believe someone actually attempted to rub yeast extract on their bum? (AKA ARSE for us brits.)
434. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
I bet Heather would have liked to have known about marmite when she was weaning Leta off of her pacifier.
435. Mr Bob said:
Marmite on nipples... Mmmmmm
436. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Were they trying to rid themselves of hemorrhoids?
437. U.B. said:
Man, I feel like the colonies are being invaded again. Marmite? Grody cadbury snot-eggs? Where's the poop and sex talk (uh, as separate subjects, of course)?
438. Jo said:
Lets just say its an aquired taste Katie! :)
439. minxlj said:
Nestle's chocolate is poo compared to Cadbury, so I try not to buy their stuff anyway. The world just wouldn't be right without Cadbury...
LOL it was in the UK news today that research should be carried out into chocolate, that is has 'proven effects' on premenstrual women and gives pain relief due to the enzymes it contains. I'll be happy to carry out some research!!!
440. Jo said:
You guys call the butt fanny dont you? fascinating.
441. Matt in London said:
Cadbury is one of my clients...as I type I can look at the other side of my desk and see a box of giant size chocolate fingers. Each box contains 24 packets...each packet contains 8 fingers...each fingers contains 5.7 grams of fat...I wonder why I am putting on weight?????
442. Jo said:
like you need an excuse to eat chocolate on your period- all husbands/boyfriends know that at the end of the day, if you dont eat chocolate you will rip their long-suffering heads off.
443. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
We call it the "ass", the "derriere", the "booty", the "kadunkadunk". We have numerous names for it, but fanny is not one I usually use.
444. minxlj said:
Matt: ONE OF YOUR CLIENTS???
You just got yourself a new best friend ;-) xx
445. Jo said:
Its true, Nestles chocolate is amost as bad as Hershys, but we should all be against buying it for moral reasons anyway. http://www.academicdb.com/nestle_third_world_countries_14464/
446. Fascinating Fanny said:
They really need to do research to determine that chocolate helps with PMS? I thought I already did that research.
Actually, it's me, Susie, I just like the alliteration in Jo's comment.
447. Matt in London said:
Lol - just the biscuits tho - not the chocolate bars :-(
448. Jo said:
But you call the bum-bag a fanny- pack dont you!!
449. Jason said:
Man, I miss the days when Dooce herself would pop in a comment or two.
450. Home Detention Lady said:
Heather,
Maybe next week you can compete in Taa-Taa Thursday's with me and Spoonleg via your self-portrait. I dare ya. Haha.
451. U.B. said:
My Dad always called it a fanny.
Butt, it's always been an ass to me.
452. minxlj said:
We'll help you with the losing weight Matt - send all your Cadbury goodies to us :-D
453. Jo said:
Fingers suck!! why would you miss out on more choclate but sticking a great stick of biscuit down the middle when it could be filled with MORE CHOCOLATE??
454. Jo said:
U.B. do you know why brits find it so funny that u call the butt a fanny?
455. Jason said:
Bim-bag...he
...thanks for that visual.
456. Mrs.Strizzay said:
that pic is so ...whats that movie were they get lost in the woods?
457. Jason said:
Who switched my i and u keys...dang it!
458. U.B. said:
Nary a clue, Jo. Enlighten us. :)
459. kat said:
458!
Blair Witch Project.
460. can't resist said:
re #441: "giant sized chocolate fingers."
That's a pleasant euphamism, isn't it?
461. minxlj said:
Fanny. *hehe*
I nearly died of laughing when an American said to me they'd spent 3 hours on a bus and ended up with a sore fanny - LOL!!!
462. Jo said:
Both bum-bag and fanny-pack can have me in hysterics. Imagine being the inventor of the bum-bag? why is it even called a bum bag when EVERYONE wears it round the front?? In which case, the brits should definately adopt the term Fanny-pack.
463. U.B. said:
Jason -- bim-bag sounds like one of the taunting frenchmen from Holy Grail.
"Your father smelled of elderberries!"
464. Gooooder said:
can someone explain to me what laying your hands on christ is? not to offend but what do you do? touch the cross, touch a cookie, touch your biznass? or is this an after death thing?
465. Moxie said:
You look as though you've snowboarded into a pile of dog caca.
466. Jo said:
U.B. youre just teasing me. I'll leave it up to someone else to humour you by explaining why us brits find fanny so amusing. I think my last post gives it away. If this was a british website all this fanny talk would be outrageous.
467. minxlj said:
Ya can't have a conversation with an American without them mentioning: “Your father smelled of elderberries!â€
*LOL* Thankfully I love Monty Python as much as they do :-D
468. Effie said:
I am suddenly reminded of a time when I was younger, we were in the grocery store and my little sister, who was about 3 at the time, saw a box of Smarties on display and yelled out "Farties, Mommy--farties!" She couldn't quite get the "sm" sound out yet--well, you should have seen the look on the teller's face--my Mom's face went beet red too! My sister was soon taught how to pronounce "SMarties" properly! :)
469. Mr Bob said:
A comfy chair!
470. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Why do you think the word fanny is so funny, Jo?
Oh, and I don't call it a fanny pack - I hear it called a fag bag most of the time. I don't know where that term came from.
Don't Brits call cigarettes "fags"? I think that is funny.
471. U.B. said:
Goooooooder -- Mormon elders impart blessings by 'laying on the hands'. They put their hands on your head then make a bunch of stuff up, uh, I mean, give you a blessing that the holy spirit inspires within them. Sometimes they put a dollop of consecrated oil on your head and you are 'annointed' as well.
Which either means you are *really* blessed or you need to shampoo at least twice later.
472. Cloudy said:
Yea Jay! Too bad Wendy Pepper's line was so JC Penney.
473. Jo said:
I'm too young to appreciate all the Monty Python Malarky. Sigh.
474. Melynda said:
Don't forget, "Your mother was a hampster!"
475. minxlj said:
You guys have had me in stitches all day...now it's time to start my trek home, so I'll say 'ta-ta chaps'!
And of course I'll check in later :-)
Don't forget the Cadbury's Matt ;-) xx
476. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Re:461
I have an Aunt Fanny. I feel sad for her.
I posted my self portrait so the terrorists wouldn't win.
477. Jo said:
Yes we call ciggies fags (awful word!) and please dont make me explain why fanny is funny. :p
478. U.B. said:
Gotcha Jo. Feminine naughty bits, no?
Effie, for some reason, both of my kids used F for S when they were learning to talk. We were someplace public when I explained something to my little girl and she shouted, "Daddy! You are FART!!"
479. Jo said:
Bye Minx, you're stronger than i am! x
480. Susie said:
Goo..der, you don't lay hands on Christ. The "laying on of hands" refers to other followers of Christ laying hands on you, for purposes of prayer, healing, or in the case of what I believe Heather is talking about, serving as a channel of a spiritual gift or charism. It's one (or more) believer to another, not we laying hands on Christ. It is modelled after Christ, who layed hands on people to heal them.
Now, if yo' "biznass" needs healing, well, I think there's a Marvin Gaye song that might be in order . . .
481. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Is Britain's fanny like America's camel-toe?
482. Jo said:
I know its an age old joke, but I swear to god i used to know someone with an auntie fanny and an uncle dick.
483. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Why was your daughter calling you a "sart"?
484. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
I actually do have an uncle dick, and I have a great aunt (now deceased) named Fanny. My great grandmother's name was Fanny, too. Poor ladies.
485. Jo said:
Katie, a camel toe is the *result* of a ...erm....suffocating fanny!!!
486. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
So a fanny is a naked camel-toe. Very interesting. You Brits are great!
487. U.B. said:
Way to go Strizz!! The leaders of our U.S. theocracy would be so proud.
Why, now if you just donate $250K, you could be a democracy Ranger, or whatever they call their biggest supporters (I was thinking Grand Wizard or Kleegle, but that can't be right??).
488. Jo said:
You got it Katie!
489. Katrina said:
To enlighten those of you on the origin of the bum bag or fanny pack...
The military actually use what is called a butt pack that carries some essentials in a small bag that does ride above their butt, under the larger more cumbersome pack. They can access the butt pack much easier for small things and not have to dig through their packs.
hee hee, I like bum bag though. Sounds like a bean bag especially for the ass. Maybe it has some little butt cheek grooves in it.
490. Jo said:
Ha ha, oh Katie you're going to become a regular subject for my blog, i can tell.
491. GEORGE! said:
Yes, but can you sing the 4th article of faith SONG?
Knowing the song was the only way I kept from getting embarrassed in my Book Of Mormon class at BYU.
492. Susie said:
Sing it, GEORGE!!!!
493. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Thanx, Jo! You will be a frequent topic on mine, too! I am just about to post a blog entry on you and Marmite!
494. Jo said:
ha ha oh but i'm not quite ready to be famous.... lol.
495. Melanie S. said:
HELLO PEOPLE!
It's self portrait and Ta-Ta's Thursday. Post your pictures!!!
496. kendra said:
Effie,
Born and raised in Guelph. Now in Thunder Bay for school.
It's not as cold up here as it could be... only -17c this morning.
497. Christie said:
Heather B. Armstrong, honey, you pluck chickens, you TWEEZE your eyebrows. Get it right. My gay friend Eric told me that once!!
498. Jo said:
Katrina- loving your knowledge, but the problem is we wear them on the front. What do you make of that? Surely they should be re-named groin-bags or something...
499. liz said:
what's with all the prissy non-fanny discussion? is this not the site of copious poop and sheet-folding vagina talk? can we not just say that the Brits' fanny is the same as our good ol' American pussy?
except, you know, only more proper. i'll bet a Brit's fanny can make tea AND fold sheets.
500. Jo said:
I dont underdtand this self-butt-portrait thingy. Are we supposed to take a picture of our butts and post them on our own blogs??
501. jules said:
I'm a little late into the conversation, but i highly disagree that the british smarties are better than m&m's... there's something about the candy shell in smarties that just turns my stomach.. HOWEVER.. you haven't lived until you've had galaxy chocolate minstrels... heaven in a crispy candy shell.. i only have one tiny bag left from my recent trip to london.. i should have bought GOBS and GOBS in the airport, but i was trying to behave.. now i'm pissed off about it...
(:3
502. U.B. said:
Damn, I just found out that I did *not* win the california lotto jackpot last night! I had the $27M half spent.
(sigh) Back to enhancing my ongoing illusion of productivity while really reading dooce.com... :/
503. Dang Cold.. said:
Effie..you up near Thornbury? Its where my in-laws live. I'm up there plenty.
504. She who shall not be named said:
Damn, I'll never make it into the Top 100, let alone the Top 10 since I don't get here until 9 at the earliest and that is West Coast time.
It kinda seems like a chatroom over here. Whoever said that they had to get back to pretending to work (or something like that, it was a long amount of comments ago and I haven't had coffee yet) is so totally on the money.
That is funny fucking shit.
505. Jo said:
(rolling on the floor laughing at Liz's post) They do the ironing, too, dont you know.
506. Gooooder said:
thanks for the enlightenment about the 'laying of the hands' UB and Susie.
i know little about mormonism, except what i read on the site. which i take as straight FACTS. and of course, those mormons that came to my door 4 or 5 times while i was in japan.
oh, and that mitt romney is one and the front pages said that he doesnt want gay marriage or civil unions in massachusetts. and i was going to rent that film about the mormons in holland last night, but i opted for pauly shore is dead instead.
i suppose the almost renting of the film doesnt really count towards what i know about mormonism, but you get my point. to me anything to do with 'laying of the hands' sounds biznasss related.
507. Janie said:
Oh. My God. People want spoilers on a personal blog? That's great if you want to do that, but it seems a little silly for people to demand it.
508. Amanda B. said:
Girl A.!! Who would ever squish a marmot?
Gasp!
509. abbey said:
her eyebrows look fine to me...
510. the niffer said:
From what I'm hearing, Canada is the place to be. We have all the British stuff (including the queen on our money) and all the American stuff (including the really cute bunny commercials).
Whenever we visit our friends in Miramar, Florida, we take a truck load of Crispy Crunch bars. They are addicted and can't get them there.
511. U.B. said:
Christie -- your gay friend Eric is a chicken-plucker?! Isn't that illegal?
512. Mr Bob said:
I once opened a bag of galaxy chocolate minstrels in a cinema just as it got to the quiet part of the film. And then I dropped the bag and they all rolled out onto the floor and all the way down to the front of the cinema...
513. Jo said:
Liz- your goin to the Blue Mountains!! Me too! Albeit next year...
514. Susie said:
Goo..der, just to clarify. I'm not Mormon, never have been, so just didn't want you think I was trying to "reppazint," as a Mormon expert; my answer was more generic Christian.
515. Jo said:
Ok, so i've already started the brit strand, the choclate strand, the Jack Frost hate club strand, and now the bum bag strand. What shall i talk about next...
516. kendra said:
Jo - Chuck and Camilla?
Just kidding...
517. Jo said:
Mr Bob, what a waste of minstrels!! I hope you jolly well picked them all up and ate them.
518. Mr Bob said:
Jo, talk about clouds with legs!
519. Susie said:
Jo, the Jack Frost who nips at your nose? Why you gotta be hatin' Jack?
520. Jo said:
Nope, Jack Frost the MOVIE. Dont get me started on Jack again... lol. But Clouds with Legs?? i LIKE it.
521. Gooooder said:
it's okay if you aint representing, info from any place is good.
especially dooce.com message board when most answers will include something about POOP or fannies. i mean pussies.
522. Effie said:
Dang Cold--
My parents live in Clarksburg (if you know Thornbury then you know Clarksburg, I'm sure)--what a small world this is, eh?! I went to highschool in Meaford...college in Sudbury but am now living in the "banana belt" of Ontario
523. the niffer said:
I missed something. When did fannies become pussies?
524. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Thanks Liz. I think I was becoming a proper Brit there for a little while. Fannies are pussies!!! Pussies are fannies!!!!
525. Jo said:
I never thought i could have this much fun NOT writing my dissertation! Procrastination rocks.
526. U.B. said:
Is 'coulds with legs' another fanny euphemism?? You Brits are DARLING!!!
;)
527. Mr Bob said:
I'd like a banana belt! What a great idea. And I'd change my name to Eric and get myself a yellow cape!
528. the niffer said:
In SW Ontario, fannies are asses. But mostly old people call them fannies.
529. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Niffer, apparently the Brits use the euphemism "fanny" instead of saying "pussy".
530. kendra said:
Meaford?? That's nutty. My fiance's family is from Woodford...that between Meaford and OS right?
Crazy!
Also, a guy I work with here at Lakehead grew up in Thornbury.
531. the niffer said:
BEAVERS are pussies.
532. Mr Bob said:
Sorry U.B. - clouds with legs = sheep!
533. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Jo asked us why Americans call asses fannies, and I said I don't call it a fanny. I think that is more of a geriatric term - I don't know anyone under the age of 70 who uses that term.
534. U.B. said:
durrrr, clouds not coulds.
finger lysdexia
535. the niffer said:
Kendra - I was in the Meaford Santa Claus parade one year! I was dressed up as a Turtle - some mascot from Talisman - and all the kids thought I was Franklin.
Meaford is fun!
536. Jo said:
katie- we havent neglected the word pussy for fanny. Its an ALTERNATIVE.
537. Former Beaver Arch-rival said:
My high school teams used to play against a neighboring school called Beaver Creek High School. Their mascot: The Beaver Creek Beavers.
538. U.B. said:
Mr Bob -- so, that would be a more 'rural' form for an expression of love than your typical fanny?
539. Jo said:
Cand any American guess what Badger means? Hint: its not pussy.
540. kendra said:
Meaford - Havn't spent much time there, but I do love a little shop downtown that sells really nice sarongs. I have a bunch of them.
541. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Oh, Heather, I still love you even though you gave away the ending of the show. We all know you love Project Runway - for future reference to all fellow Doocelings. If Dooce likes a show you like, and you missed it and had to Tivo it, DON'T read this site until you watch it. This is her blog - I think she's supposed to write in it.
Go Jay!
542. the niffer said:
Badger - to bother, pester?
543. Jo said:
I cant type today- im NOT trying to talk as if i have a cold.
544. Amanda B. said:
Mr. Bob- if you get a cape, will you be in my band? You don't actually have to play an instrument, I've just always wanted a caped band member.
545. kendra said:
Jo - I understand about avoiding the dissertation!! Not quite to that stage yet, but I am avoiding the writing of my thesis proposal! Yeah!
546. Kieran said:
You mormons are some hard core players. I thought us Irish Catholics had it bad.
547. Matt in London said:
Righto, plan finished (and obviously a lot of thought went in to it - I am so worth my salary on days like today)...I wish you all a good day 'cos I'm off home.
548. that-andrea said:
SPOILER ALERT:
I am laughing my ass off at the "Barkin like a twat" song. I shall rush home tonight to serenade my barking fools.
549. Dang Cold.. said:
Kendra and Effie-
I know clarksburg very well. whats with all the scare-crows in meaford in halloween? world record I hear!! when up in thornbury I'm always hitting the Tims in meaford then heading to the docks. Meafords lucky they have a hospital. Its the only one around other than OS or Collingwood I think.
550. Mr Bob said:
I would love to be in your band! I could be your Bez! (but a better looking version!).
And sheep? Fanny? I'm an Englishman don't you know U.B. - you're thinking of other rural places methinks... :)
551. Jo said:
SPOILER ALERT:
Fanny = Pussy.
552. Jo said:
Kendra what IS your Thesis proposing?
553. that-andrea said:
I thought "fanny" meant "butt"?
554. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
SPOILER ALERT:
monkey=vagina
555. Jo said:
Mr Bob from which shire dost thee hail?
556. that-andrea said:
My mom had a cat named Fanny.
Cat=Pussy
Is that what we're talking about?
557. Gooooder said:
a large burrough/suburb/whatever of boston/cambridge is Medford.
which is where i live.
sort of like Meaford. except in massachusetts.
and calling mormons 'hard-core players' is one of the best things i have heard all damn day long. thanks kieran.
558. Jo said:
SPOLIER:
American fanny = Butt
English Fanny = Pussy
559. squirll said:
theres a distinct difference between the tast of american kit-kats and british kit-kats. i prefer the british ones. the ones here are slightly nasty.
and we americans dont have kinder eggs! shame. but probally for the best. can you imagine the law suits over kids eating the small toy parts.....
560. Gooooder said:
bucky, yer always pointing out monkeys = vaginas.
which is what makes shock the monkey such a great song.
561. kendra said:
Jo:
Ooohhh...thesis...right.
What I propose is to complete a phosphorus budget on a peatland in northern Alberta, including inputs (atmospheric and seepage) and outputs (conveniently a nicely defined outlet).
Sound fun???
Didn't think so. For some reason this interests me...
562. Mr Bob said:
Jo, I reside in Surrey, don't you know. Marvellous place. Very green. Lots of yee olde English pubs selling the best London Pride.
563. Jo said:
Squirll, please tell me your'e talking about chocolate.
564. kendra said:
Jo:
What about you? Dissertation = ??
565. Kassi said:
Dang, I miss all the good stuff.
Mad: Suck it.
Seriously...if you are that wrapped up in a TV show to be upset that someone told you the results...get a friggin life. Besides, it wasn't like she gave the results before it could air for you. Just because you didn't see it last night doesn't mean that the rest of the world has to wait on pins and needles until YOU say it is ok to talk about it. The whole BLOG is about Freedom of Speech...get it?
566. squirll said:
kit-kat=pussy?
567. Ashley said:
Dooce- I think you might have a dandruff problem...
Also, can I still read dooce.com if I don't watch Project Runway?
568. Mr Bob said:
A monkey stole my face, took me down to another place. Now I'm the leader of their race. I'm the monkey king!
569. Jo said:
Kendra, I'm mightily impressed with the fact that I understood not one word of your thesis!!!
As for me, i'm analysing the Roman poet Ovid as a reader of Virgil. Slightly less scientific....
570. Jo said:
"King of the bongo, King of the bongo. Hear me when I come, Baby" Anyone heard that song?
571. Mr Bob said:
er....
572. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle.
Who wants to be monkey in the middle?
What exactly are we fixing with a monkey wrench?
Monkey see, monkey do.
Hey, hey, we're the monkees.
(Does monkee=vagina too?)
573. kendra said:
No need to be impressed Jo. I have no idea what you are talking about either!! ;)
I couldn't hack it in any course that didn't involve numbers and fact. Thus, I chose science.
Ovid as a reader of Virgil... Sounds interesting!
574. that-andrea said:
monkee=vageyna
575. Jo said:
Ok then, has anyone heard the worm song?
576. Amanda B. said:
Mr. Bob- sure, but you'll have to tell me who Bez is first.
Yes, we Scots get plenty of sheep jokes. I will not confirm nor deny the rumors.
MONKYE DOES NOT = VAGINA!
577. Mr Bob said:
you're kidding?!
578. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Hot box
Gorilla
cooter
twat
All equeal pussy
So what does an actual butt get called in Englad?
Hey Dooce, I dont even have cable so give away ALL the endings please. Jimmy crack corn baby, jimmy crack corn.
579. Jo said:
you know, "No body likes me, everybody hates me, i'm going down the garden to eat worms. Long thin slimy ones, short fat fuzzy ones, gooey gooey gooey gooey worms"
It was a toasting marshmellows on the BBQ classic. For me and my cousin anyway...
580. Amanda B. said:
And neither does MON-KEY!
Bob- I'm not bloody joking. Who is Bez?
581. Mrs.Strizzay said:
muff burger
582. Jo said:
Mrs Swizzay, butt = bum, butt,bottom, arse.
583. CanadianAmy said:
BFE: 'monkey in the middle' makes total sense. Cause that is pretty much it's location.
So I guess getting the monkey off your back means you are tired of your naked piggyback riding girlfriend.
584. Mr Bob said:
Bez is the trippy dancer from the Happy Mondays... Bet I could dance like he does!
585. Mr Bob said:
Blimey! It's 6.30! I'm off home!!! bub-bye!
586. squirll said:
bob's your uncle. bez dances.
587. Jo said:
Mrs Strizzay I apologise for my awful typing today
588. CanadianAmy said:
Strizz, only you could just come on here and post those two words, with no explanation.
I think you should do just that at some point every day here.
589. Gooooder said:
monkey has always equaled vagina.
examples:
when my little sister was born and i was 2 or 3, they brought me to the hospital to see my mom. and i asked "does your monkey hurt mommy?" and they have never let me live it down. they tell that story almost everytime my mom and my aunt are together.
also, as i have posted on here before, when i was about 8 and my sisters probably 4 and 5, some neighbor boy said "hey wanna play catch the monkey" and my sister freaked out and kicked him in the testicles and ran away.
590. Jo said:
I'm with Mr Bob- see ya guys!
591. Mr Bob said:
Yay! Me and Jo together!
592. Jo said:
(Jo and Mr Bob skip off into the horizon)
593. Amanda B. said:
Buh-bye now! And Buh. Bye.
Whoops, I mean Cheerio.
594. TexaRican said:
Cooter? All that time Bo and Luke were calling their mechanic a pussy? Man, THAT takes some brass ones!
595. kristine said:
If you get bored one day:
Read the comments from the bottom up. You guys are funny already, but when you go backwards it's hysterical trying to figure out what you're talking about.
Have the time it's butts and monkeys.
596. Circus Kelli said:
Jo #391: You mentioned Brad Pitt and Peanut Butter and... well... um, YUMMY!
597. I miss the Monkey said:
Too bad, all this talk about monkeys, and The Monkey is nowhere in sight to defend himself!
598. She who shall not be named said:
I was just looking over the FAQs and I love the one about her daughter. I can't get over people telling her she is a bad mother....I don't get it. But maybe coming from a 17 year old mother that doesn't mean much.
599. Circus Kelli said:
Henry #413: What the hell is computation theory?
600. girl in sf said:
i am so happy that jay won Project Runway. uh, i hope i didn't give antyhing away there.
being on the west coast i purposely stayed away from the internet and any possible spoilers until after i watched the show. and today i was hoping heather would mention it. :)