In the South that would indicate a tornado was a comin'
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
301. Annejelynn said:
ahhhh - thank you oh so kind and all knowing C.M. ~ wunderbar!
302. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Giving birth is way better than having loose stool, although you may have that while giving birth.
Ahh birth. Pushing feels GOOD!
303. Closet Metro said:
No problem, Annejelynn. Don't forget the last step, now. It's the most important!
304. Mrs.Strizzay said:
EEEW BFE, we *know* where that bottle has been.
305. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Is the poop tea's actual brand name "Poop Tea"? That is so awesome. While I don't have a problem with passing stool, I would love to have that on my coffee table as a conversation starter.
306. RazDreams said:
mrs. strizz & bfe: i wonder if any black stuff will come out of the bottle whilst shaking it at me...
ugh.
307. Sidney Ann said:
Heather, you crack my shit up!
308. lilyothefield said:
Mrs. Striz- thanks. really, i always wondered about that. they say all the time that giving birth is messy, but they only mention the birthing fluids. all that talk about pushing made me wonder.
309. Jason said:
"Katie-be-bored-at-work said at 10:45AM, 02.23.2005:
For some reason, I can’t imagine Leonardo DiCaprio taking a crap."
Oh...I so can. Thanks for that mental image.
310. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Raz -- if I can keep my anus death grip on the A1 bottle, hopefully *nothing* will come out whilst I'm shakin' it.
311. Annejelynn said:
da-da-damn, you are cute C. Metro! "Don't forget the last step, now." Thanks again for the tinyurl tutoring and for inducing a muscle-achin' smile.
312. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Raz, that would depend on whether the A1 bottle was open when it was placed in the rear entrance. Although I would definitely wear rubber gloves while handling the A1 bottle's exterior.
313. kat said:
That's a lot of thank yous. I've resorted to sending online thank you notes through iomoi.com. Saves my hand from cramping.
314. Annejelynn said:
Last night I shook a bottle of Trader Joe's very teriyaki sauce - the lid was loose and I didn't know it...2 complete shakes later, the stuff was all over! and Who knew my kitties would like teriyaki sauce? They were scrambling for a lick here and there (everywhere) before I could thoroughly clean it all up.
315. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Lily, there is actually a bucket at the bottom of the bed. I never even thought about it until my husband told me. Yes, A BUCKET.
Raz, its BFE's bottle, youll have to ask her about that one.
316. bean said:
remember, when you're pushing out baby, endorphins are racing around your head and you're drunk in labourland...i found the after-poop much harder than pushing out the babe. no endorphins for after-poop.
i wish someone had prepared me for the after-poop. at least if they'd told me it would last a good 6 mos!!! how unprepared i was.
317. lilyothefield said:
Mrs. Striz- just one of the things my mom can't tell me about having kids. she had to c-sections.
318. Annejelynn said:
CLEAN YOUR SCREEN! (this is so fuckin' cute!)
http://tinyurl.com/4s4to
tah-dah! my first use of tinyurl! someone tell me if it doesn't work!
319. lilyothefield said:
annejelynn- Alf could have told you that cats and teriyaki go well together . . .
320. Annejelynn said:
oh~ oh~ make sure your sound volume is up, but not too loud, any co-workers within earshot will wonder what the hell yer doin'
321. Mrs.Strizzay said:
I never had that problem bean. I was a bit scared but the Colace did the trick.
Birthing is totally gross and awesome all at once.
322. Jason said:
We own a great dane.
Whole new kind of poop there people.
We had to bury an old perferated grain silo with several packages of septic solution for our dog poop dissolver.
323. Spurious Plum said:
I found out recently that a lot of women poop while they're pushing. 12 people watching you poop?!?!?!!This can't be true....
324. Mrs.Strizzay said:
AJ that was cute.
325. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Plum, it can and it is. And they will wipe it away as if nothing happened.
But the birthing woman could CARE LESS!!!! If she even notices. i asked once if I was pooping hahaha, and I was. Try pushing with enough force to make an 8 lb person pop out of your cooter.
Not sure what the lbs per square inch would be but...thats a whole lotta force.
326. cathi said:
Spurious - I pooped. Only one nurse was there at the moment, but it was still pretty mortifying.
327. Liza said:
I am SO with ya on #11, doocester!! although, i think my two favorite parts of last week's episode were:
1. when jay said to vanessa: why are you so bitter? god, you need to do like a yoga class or something.
2. when that guy (marcus?) who i totally didn't think was gay called tim a 'hot bitch'! hee!
328. Colleen from NJ said:
plum, i did that and i was glad. those bitchy nurses didn't believe i was pushing, until out popped the poop. i had a c section because my kids were too big for me.
take that, bitchy rns!
i am an rn too. but not bitchy.
329. Shiz said:
Bean? 6 months? Of constipation? What's this?
330. lilyothefield said:
i wish we could do that with shine. she poops so much. the problem is that it is spread over 1/2 an acre. picking it up and then throwing a full bag out is one thing, but then having to empty that bag back out??? or cleaning out a bucket??. Ewwww!
Plus, shine is a poop walker. so there is an up to 2' trail of poop logs for each one.
331. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Plum --
For more on birth pooping:
http://tinyurl.com/6xo4y
332. Spurious Plum said:
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!I can barely get naked to take a shower, let alone crap in front of other people! Ya'll are so brave. Let's hear it for delivery horror/porn!
If they can find a way to knock my ass out and wake me up several hours later with a clean, happy baby on my chest, I'll do it. Screw all that poopy pushing. Maybe they could use a plunger or something...
333. She who shall not be named said:
Love your whole blog, and I have to share that I am terribly bad about writing thank you noted as well. Usually I remember when I get new stuff from the same people.
OOPS.
334. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
My sister starting pooping when she was having her baby, but she was all sprawled out for everyone to see because the baby's head was too big for her coochie and she didn't care who saw her coochie or her poop. She told me a woman loses all dignity while in the birthing process and an entire football team could be watching and you wouldn't care.
335. She who shall not be named said:
"noted" should have really been "notes". Cause I am sure none of you could figure that out on your own. Hey, I am only kidding. Don't throw things at me.
336. Jason said:
Shiz, apologies in advance. I've been to your site and its great...so please forgive me for the following:
I couldn't help but laugh when I saw your name on here, or on your site banner for that matter.
Dooce, is the term we use in my family for taking a "Deuce" or big ole poop...and well Shiz, that's what most of my family and friends call what you get when you drink about four gallons of the poop tea...not sure how the name started.
Probably something to do with the sound, also known as "BU" (Butt Urine).
I don't know, it's just, well... Diarrhea posting on Crap's website?
Now with 33% more Shiz! Get it?
337. She who shall not be named said:
Oh my god, yes, that is what happens. I have NO IDEA who was watching and I could've really cared less.
338. She who shall not be named said:
Damn, you all are too fast for me. I was responding to Katie's post about her sister saying she had no dignity in the birthing room.
339. lilyothefield said:
Katiebbaw- my mom says it is all the check-ups and exams that go on before the birth that make mom's lose their modesty. somehow my mom gat an uber dose of it. she will use a communal shower with out a swim suit.
dooce- a place to relive childhood trauma.
340. Spurious Plum said:
KatieB, I'd love to make a jke about how entire football teams regularly look at the cooze, but I've already outed myself as the uberprude. Brave sister though.
BFE, 10 lbs of poop is Major League shit. Wow...
This is seriously educational!
341. Spurious Plum said:
KatieB - I'd love to make a JOKE, that is. Geez.
342. Ern said:
Ewww, birth pooping!
I know I have heard and read about it before, but somehow I always manage to forget about it until someone (usually on Dooce) brings it up again.
Dooce: reminding you about things that are better forgotton.
343. Spurious Plum said:
Sorry Ern!
344. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Dooce: Reminding you about the different kinds of poop, and different kinds of poopers.
345. K said:
You don't need to say thank you. But, Leta sure as hell better, get thee to a crayon- 1 year old baby!
I was so worried about the tacky factor... well that and it isn't going to fit anyone but Chuck... we all do our best though...
I am commenting because your email box is overwhelmed with CRAZIES (read: me) and I am trying to start life anew.
You are golden. See you then.
xox
346. Ern said:
Just popped in to say "hi" to everyone, but I gotta split.
I've been spending too much time updating Dooce comments and not enough time studying. :( The former is much more fun.
I'll still be popping in from time to time though, 'cause you guys make me laugh every time!
347. ashik said:
Ern - will you be Pooping in?
I kill myself
348. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Poop. Isn't that the best word ever?
349. Ern said:
Pooping in! I think that's why i like the word Popping so much!
350. Southern Fried Girl said:
Poooooop. That makes me think of that scene in Austin Powers. Moooooole. Moley moley moley. Wait, don't say.....MOOOOLE. Mole. I love that.
351. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
I was in Old Navy the other day with my 3 1/2 year old and he looks up at me and says "I need to poo!!!" The sales lady just sort of stared at me. I asked where the bathroom was and she pointed it out. The little guy grabbed his butt and said very loud "It's poking out already! Hurry!" The look on that sales lady's face was priceless.
352. laurenbove said:
Katie Be: You slay me, girl.
Plum: On pooping and birthing - it happens. How can you push so mightily down there and NOT get something, ahem, additional?
They used to give women enima's before delivery to try and foil the crap, but alas, it was too much effort and didn't always work.
It happened to moi. I cared. I was embarassed. With my first baby, I told my husband to get it when nobody was looking. With my second baby the nurse whisked it away with obvious practiced grace.
You can't really prepare for birth, but be comforted in the fact that this everyday miracle has happened to most women. There's a lot of empathy out there.
353. beckythefirst said:
dooce, you compared your daughter to the nazgul. i *heart* you for the LOTR reference.
354. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
You have quite the hubby, Lauren. Nothing shows love more than whisking away labor-poop. That is definitely a test of true love, which he passed with flying colors!
355. Peter Hentges said:
Katie-be-bored: It's not boring in Canada, it's as Canadian as possible, under the circumstances.
356. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Katie-BBAW -- do you think you should really use the words "poop" and "flying colors" in the same post?
357. laurenbove said:
Uh, yeah, Katie-be, my sistah...a horrifying Sophie's Choice kind of moment.
Who shall see my accident? Hubby or Doctor?
A) Hubby: Will always remember this and may think of it during sex or argument...possibly use it to manipulate.
B) Doctor might run out in horror and leave me to it alone then tell all his medical buddies about my shame so I can seek medical attention, nevermore.
358. carson said:
There goes an hour down the tubes. I just wrote a blog entry about how even though my son (about Leta's age) entered the world looking like Andy Sirkus (or however you spell it) as Gollum, he is a Nazgul. I might use it sometime, but not the same day Leta gets called a Nazgul.
It is that exact same shriek, though. I blamed it on my husband for watching LOTR, all 3 parts, back to back with the son in the room.
359. Circus Kelli said:
"regularly constipated"
My new favorite oxy-moron...
360. Circus Kelli said:
Annejelynn said at 10:29AM, 02.23.2005:
Man, it is alllLLL about the poop!
always comes back to the poop!
--------
Dooce: Where everyone comes to shoot the shit.
361. Circus Kelli said:
U.B. said at 10:47AM, 02.23.2005:
Lauren — I think Paris Hilton probably pays someone to poop for her.
------
"that's hot"
362. kalki said:
Southern Fried Girl: That mole scene cracks me up everytime. I bought the DVD just so I could go directly to that scene over and over and over again.
(Hmm, perhaps "cracks me up" wasn't the best choice of words given the current topic of conversation...)
363. Circus Kelli said:
Striz: "seriously almost took a picture last night of the coke/sloppy joe art that my son made on the kitchen floor. "
-----
I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you from the bottom of my heart for NOT taking/posting such a picture. I would have to swear off sloppy joes forever.
364. Southern Fried Girl said:
MOLE.
365. Hunzer said:
My first post ~ Dooce rocks my face off! Keep up the good reads...gives me something to do when I should be playing with my kids. :)
366. laurenbove said:
UB & Circus Kelli - Excellent take on P.H. She'll prob. get t-shirts made up with t-mobile shot of her on the potty and "That's HOT" in bold underneath it all. I wonder if she'd do a cleveland steamer for money and-or publicity?
367. kalki said:
Hunzer: I just checked out your blog and almost had a HEART ATTACK because the love of my life was staring back at me. I swear just a few days ago I blogged about my Stamos obsession.
He is HOT. God I hope he comes to me tonight in a sex dream.
(Ah geez, now I said "comes.")
368. Circus Kelli said:
"It's poking out! Hurry!"
Hahahahaha! THAT'S FUNNY!
369. Closet Metro said:
Hunzer, you're from Minnescrotum too?
370. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Yeah, my little guy is a riot. Now every time I have to take a poop, I think "It's poking out already! Hurry!"
371. another Jess said:
Hey all,
I'm taking a break from the time-suck that is this Comments page. But wanted to share the link -- click my name, hope that works -- with an essay (excerpt below) on comparative & competitive pain. (Remember that recent dust-up?)
With acknowledgements to Ms. Finslippy Herself, and apologies if someone else has already shared.
<>
372. Dawners said:
Katiebbaw - that story for some reason reminds me of my aunt telling about how one time in the grocery store, her son Kyle (about 5 at the time) yells out to her from another aisle "Mommy! Come and look! My pee pee is standing up!"
373. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Dawners that is so hilarious! It is funny, yet scary, when little boys have that happen, because they just think it is the neatest thing in the world. And they don't mind sharing it with the entire world. Although, grown men think their pee-pees are the neatest things in the world, so I guess they never grow out of it.
374. Hunzer said:
Thanks for the comments on my blog CK and Kalki. :)
Metro ~ yep, born and raised in the 'scrotum. Still here. Still bitching about the weather.
375. Janie said:
Yay, Jay! I am totally rooting for him.
The "Hodee Klum" and the lightsaber moves during the credits, were the highlights of the reunion show.
I will miss PR when it goes. Sniff.
376. U.B. said:
Wow, I just watched Return of the King a few nites ago and stopped it at the part where the king of the nazgul makes that un(middle)earthly scream as the army starts marching.
What a *vivid* description that was!
On a separate movie note; I just rented Sky Captain. What a piece of crap! The whole blue-screen animated thing was cool for about 5 minutes. Too bad they never bothered to put as much effort in the story or the dialog.
377. Dawners said:
But Katiebbaw - now this cousin of mine is like 24 and whenever I see him, I can only think of that story. Not a good conversation starter, no?
I have a feeling that at some point during my upcoming 14-hour flight to Australia, the thought "It's poking out already!" is going to pop into my head at the most inopportune time. I'll be sure to share the story with my fellow travelers, all that will listen. Maybe I'll stand up and make an announcement. Do you think that would go over well?
378. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
I would be honored if you told my story of "It's poking out already!" on an international flight. It is nice to know that my stories will be told at 30,000 feet!
379. U.B. said:
Katie -- are you telling us men that our 'pee-pees' are *not* the neatest things in the world?!
dang...
380. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
I'm sorry if I burst your bubble, U.B.!!!
381. Poopsmith said:
I've never commented before, but since we are on the subject of poop, I felt this song was very fitting. Download it, it's great.
http://www.overtherhine.com/music/mp3rarity/Poopsmith.mp3
382. Dawners said:
I just hope I can do the story justice.
383. U.B. said:
(sigh) No, no, that's okay...
It just means some of will have to look for a new hobby. Since I read dooce every day, it will have to involve pooping or snowboarding and I only have the athleticism for one of them.
384. Amanda B. said:
"Middle-Earth Nazgul"...siiigh.
* amanda b. clutches hands to chest and bites bottom lip as strictly platonic doocecrush blossoms... *
385. Lala said:
Nah - the sky would have to be green too.
386. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
I am sure you can do the story justice, Dawners. You can't forget a story like that!
387. She who shall not be named said:
I am never going to get anything done now that I have the smorgasboard of people's blogs to pick from. Damn it all. How can I work when there are so many people I want to read about?
388. Tammy said:
you could also try not to poop. that's a legitimate hobby option ;)
389. Melanie S. said:
No Amanda! That's a bad Amanda!
Get off of Dooce's leg!
Now, go back to your pillow. Stay!
390. Jason said:
I used to work with guy, who is, by far one of the funniest people I have ever known in my life, who turned to me during a team lunch and announced...
"Dude, I'm crowning...see ya in a sec." - And then promptly made his shuffle waddle directly to the men's room.
391. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
That would be a very tough hobby for me. It would take a lot of athleticism for me to hold in one of my mammoth poos. I guess my little guy gets that from me.
392. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Crowning!!! That is even better than "poking out"!
I heard someone refer to it once as a groundhog - I guess that is in reference to a groundhog sticking his head up out of the ground.
393. Poopsmith said:
I've never commented before, but since we're on the subject of poop, I couldn't pass up this opportunity to share this wonderful song with fellow dooce readers.
http://www.overtherhine.com/music/mp3rarity/Poopsmith.mp3
-Tania
394. Closet Metro said:
"crowning" beats my old standby's:
turtle head poking out
touching cotton
395. IdiotTania said:
I feel like an idiot, I commented twice, not knowing whether it posted or not.
"Carry on"
396. part-timer said:
KBBAW & CK - My husband calls it a "peeping turtle"
397. Dawners said:
Yeah Jason! Keep the poops-a-comin stories coming people. Did I tell you how long this flight is? 14 HOURS! I don't want to be a one-story wonder...
398. part-timer said:
As in"
Let's go home.
Hold on, I want to look at the shoes.
But I've got a peeping turtle!!
399. elise* said:
might as well pop the comment cherry...
if ive been reading long enough to send gifts, i should grow some balls and say something...
dear dooce,
you're so welcome for the tacky-as-hell onesie. im glad you guys liked it.
your mention of it today made my head go swimmy for a second. swimmy like that time when i met rory cochrane, the b-star actor who played slater in dazed and confused, only your swimmy was a lot better because i haven't started drinking yet today so i know its the real deal.
love
elise*
and hello to everyone! to you and you and...not you...you kind of shkeev me out when i read you...and you.
400. Gooooder said:
400 comments, DAMN
401. U.B. said:
I've always heard "turtling".
I had another co-worker/friend that was late for a meeting once because he "had a mud-bunny knocking at the gate". Half the room just stared in confusion and the other half of us had to leave to clean the explosions of snot and coffee that had stained everything.
402. Jason said:
No kidding, my site has two. One I did myself to make sure it worked, and one someone was kind enough to add today..thanks you know who you are.
403. Shiz said:
See, I just used to use the ol standby, "I REEEEEALLY gotta go. Like, really."
404. Ms. Belle said:
I had to look up what detritis meant...
de•tri•tus
n. pl. detritus
1.Loose fragments or grains that have been worn away from rock.
2.
a.Disintegrated or eroded matter: the detritus of past civilizations.
b.Accumulated material; debris: “Poems, engravings, press releases he eagerly scrutinizes the detritus of fame†(Carlin Romano).
--I ain't so good at book-learnin'
405. Circus Kelli said:
Shiz said at 03:01PM, 02.23.2005:
See, I just used to use the ol standby, “I REEEEEALLY gotta go. Like, really.â€
--------
When at home I just say, "Mommy has to go potty. I'll be back in a minute." The next sound heard is the bathroom door locking.
Ah... poop and peace and quiet.
406. CanadianAmy said:
CKelli....sounds like total bliss.
MY stupid bathroom door doesn't close all the way so if I want piece of poop quiet I have to lock them in the basement first. Then I have no intruders (save the 'mud bunny' (HA.)) but I still have to listen to the screams.
407. Circus Kelli said:
Well, yes, if I'm gone for more than a minute, I hear "Where's Mommy?" then *knock knock* "Mom?! You een dare?"
408. that-andrea said:
My husband HATES it when I say I'm crowning. So I say it a lot and laugh jovially every time. Can't wait to say it when it's happening for real - if we ever make with the babies, that is.
409. Ern said:
They talk about "prarie-dogging it" in that movie Rat Race.
I like turtle--turtle poked his head out and then pulled it back in!
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go drop the kids off at the pool....(you know, poop)
410. that-andrea said:
Also favorites of mine: Spawn some sewer trout, pinch loaf, dump, and crap.
My husband simply calls it "reading". Because you know, nothing disgusting happens in the bathroom when HE'S in there! ;)
411. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
It's really tough to pull the turtle's head back in once he pokes it out.
I like the phrase "prairie doggin" - that kind of sounds the same as "groundhoggin"
412. Ern said:
It is hard to get the turtle's head back in. But we have a friend that always says that. I guess his sphincter is more talented than mine!
413. Hunzer said:
My all-time favorite is...
Dude ~ I got one touching the cloth!
Crowning, I think, shall be my new fave.
414. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
I have one question for you male Doocelings out there. Do men not wipe their butts? I ask this because every guy I have ever done laundry for has those despicable skid marks on their BVDs. Or does this have something to do with the practice of prairie dogging?
415. LadyBug said:
Dooce, can I get a trucker hat that says, "I didn't exactly tear Mommy a new one, but I certainly expanded the one she already had" --? Or would that just be too much to fit on one little baby hat?
416. that-andrea said:
Ooo, I am so gonna start using the "touching the cloth" one now.
417. U.B. said:
Katie -- I'm a serial wiper (as opposed to 'cereal'). No skid markage.
Butt, I also recommend going with bitchin' new drawers that aren't white. Less visually disgusting if the hygiene is inadequate. No reason that 'thighty-whiteys' have to be white any more.
418. Ern said:
LadyBug: I don't see why you can't fit all that on a baby trucker hat! You might have to write small, but the looks from strangers would be worth it!
419. spoonleg said:
CanAmy, hahaha! You lock your kids in the basement? Mom, is that you?
420. Henryk_ said:
Storm still brewing?? Speaking of brewing, I might get myself a cuppa coffee...mmmmmmm...coffeeeeeeeeeee
421. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Thanks for the tip, U.B. I am definitely going to invest in some blue and black boxer briefs for my man. (He would kill me if he knew I was talking about his skidmarks.)
422. cathi said:
I think men are in denial about their skidmarks... just like combovers. How do they not know how hideous it is?
423. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
I know, Cathi! And they all do it. They can deny it all they want, but every pair of men's underwear I have ever seen looks like it was practically crapped in.
424. cathi said:
Dooce - sounds like Emily should come over for a playdate.
425. cathi said:
I've lucked out. Not only does my hubby wear (colorful) boxers, but he does laundry.
426. squish said:
Re: chuck
Pet related guilt can be very powerful.
427. trisha said:
Bear nosing out of the cave.
428. Clarence said:
Beautiful picture!
Yep, if I( saw that sky I'd move to the bathroom & fire up the portable radio. Nasty stuff a-comin'.
Love & Peace, Clarence
429. that-andrea said:
Squish - powerful stuff indeed. Our first dog made us feel so bad about how understimulated he was that we got him a friend. And now we're thinking about dog #3. It never ends. They're taking over the house.
430. squish said:
That andrea:
Only 3? =)
The lady who lives down the street from me has four white Akitas and one beagle.
We call her the 'crazy dog lady who lives down the street.'
431. squish said:
I, on the other hand, am the crazy lady with two dogs, two cats, 30 fish and one african spurred tortoise.
432. Ern said:
We have a crazy cat lady who lives down the street from us. And most of her cats are white too.
She is always out on her porch and she feeds the cats in, on, around, and under her car. Oh, and there is a tarp covering a hole in the roof of her house.
433. squish said:
We used to have mice, but they "went on to their reward", as my grandmother would say(if she hadn't already gone on to her reward).
434. squish said:
Ern, sounds like an interesting neighborhood.
435. that-andrea said:
Oh, I didn't mention the cats. We have 5 of those rotten things.
And lots of guppies, too.
And sometimes spiders.
436. amberlyn said:
this picture looks much prettier on my computer here at job #2 than it did on my computer at job #1. stupid job #1.
437. Ern said:
squish--the rest of the neighborhood is pretty normal, which is probably why crazy cat lady stands out so much.
438. squish said:
Andrea, my cats are rotten, too.
I have spiders too, but they aren't pets. They just moved in. Yuck.
439. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
I live next door to the crazy chicken man. We're not exactly zoned for farm critters here, but he keeps a pen full of exotic roosters and hens. He also has two pet raccoons in his basement, and a big sweet dog who looks really mean.
I've actually gotten kind of fond of the chickens and the dog. I could do without the owner, but his critters are cool.
440. Ern said:
I hope there's no crowing at 4am, BFE?
(Crowing, not crowning...feel free to crown whenever you are able!)
441. Sque said:
Uh..you said twat! heh
442. Squirl said:
Yes, Ern, there is early morning crowing next door to Bucky. I was awakened by it myself once.
443. Red Headed Stepchild said:
Because, as the book sez, "everybody poops."
http://www.toiletstool.com/toilet/#posts
444. stella said:
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. dooce,you ROCK.
445. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Oh, I don't think sweet bony Chuck would tell his mom to suck it.
I'm sure, however, that he probably touches you with his lipstick while you sleep, and then laughs his doggie ass off.
I've read the Secret Book of Dog Revenge.
Ern: The roosters do a lot of crowing (maybe crowning, they won't let me close enough to check), but I get up early, so no skin offen my ass.
446. squish said:
Interesting tidbits about crazy animal people. I might write something someday about how 'crazy dog lady down the street' actually got her nickname. It doesn't relate to the number of dogs she has so much as it relates to the fact that she is actually crazy.
She looks normal, though.
447. Hosti Klum said:
tonight I will "auf wiedersehn" wendy pooper and the fabulous kara saun because JAY IS A GOD. even though he can't say my name.
448. squish said:
I'm glad that I don't know what crowning means. Please don't tell me, either!
449. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Geez, Squirl, now everybody knows we've slept together!
Guess we couldn't announce it in a better place, though.
Yes, I confess, I have slept with Squirl on numerous occasions.
AND (this is where it really gets hot), Squirl has changed my diaper.
Um, not recently.
450. U.B. said:
Wow, envious twat seems a little harsh -- even for a scorned canine.
It sounds like his anger isn't directed at Emily and all her doggy-whoring around.
451. U.B. said:
Wow, envious twat seems a little harsh -- even for a scorned canine.
It sounds like his anger is directed at Emily and all her doggy-whoring around.
452. victoria said:
Isn't it funny how dogs deal with the disappointment of your departure by hiding in their "safe" space? Mine slinks off to his bed every morning when I leave for work.
453. Ern said:
I can always tell when I have missed a new Dooce post because the comments begin to make no sense to me :)
454. Kate said:
If you want to put some of your words in caps PUT THEM in caps. Caps make the letters in your stories dance.
455. lilyothefield said:
i just got back here, and i have a crazy dog lady story, but i don't think i should say it. i feel sorry for the poor doggies.
456. Autumn said:
Your side bar went MIA to the bottome of the page?
457. DeAnn said:
My dog says the same thing to me all the time with his adorable face.
And also, thank you (not at all) for getting "Jesus wants me for sunbeam" stuck in my head. That's just what I needed.
458. lilyothefield said:
shine, my dog, is the queen of sulking. if everyone is out of the house, she has to go in the cage, and she is comforted my a small milkbone. however, when we leave and she's not in the cage, she will follow the departing person to the door, and then when it is apparent she is not going, she sulks to the person who is left home and demands comforting.
when we come home, after her being caged, she is talking to us from the moment we get in the back door. then she runs outside and runs around the yard for about 5 minutes.
459. Cloudy said:
Wendy Pepper is so gonna win. I would wear Pepper Pants, wouldn't you?
460. Yasmin said:
Amazing!
461. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Pepper Pants to go with my Saucy Ass?
462. Annejelynn said:
excuse me? Pepper Pants???
463. tIffany said:
Bucky! My husband is totally heartbroken because we aren't zoned for chicken ownership. My psychobabble guess is that he wants to re-create the little farm he grew up on for our son... something he really should have realized before we bought a house on a small lot within city limits. He seriously stays awake nights, contemplating whether or not to VIOLATE CITY ORDINANCES and secretly buy two little hens. My husband has never broken a single law in his life ever, but the chickens are calling him and driving him to do it. I swear it's just like that Close Encounters movie. I keep expecting to look over and see him molding his mashed potatoes into the shape of a chicken.
I forget why I was telling you that. Oh! It's nice to know that neighbors can be so understanding about chickens.
PS. I am exerting a lot of self control by not posting a link to my smartassed baby shirts here. I have one about growing up to be gay - it's more for boys though. :-)
464. Elle OH said:
Yay! I am so excited for Project Runway. I hope Jay wins too, he reminds me of this girl I used to know.
465. tIffany said:
ps. Re: His Chuckness is such a good boy. :-)
Back before the days of the dog door, my husband took our dog out 99% of the time because I was too lazy. This dog HATES walks, so tit really was just a potty run. But still, I'm really lazy.
So if my husband put his shoes on and I didn't, Mouse would run to the front door and sit down because he knew that Kevin was going to take him out.
If I put *my* shoes on and Kevin didn't, Mouse didn't even bother to move. My husband used this fact to make fun of me and call me lazy.
If we both put our shoes on, he jumped up and ran to his room, which was basically a giant crate.
If I was home alone and I put my shoes on, he didn't bother to move... chances were I was just going to grab the mail and come right back. But if I put on shoes and *put lipstick on* - then he knew I was leaving for real and would run to his room. It freaked me out for the longest time -- how the hell did he know I'm really leaving? It took me forever to realize that lipstick was his cue that I was on my way somewhere for real.
466. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Tiffany -- so, you've married the Chicken Man, have you? I'd think your neighbors would forgive a couple of hens, so long as you've got proper fencing. Our neighbor's hens used to flap over the low fence and tear up our turf, until we got bad dog Snickers. The hens kinda tend to keep to their own yard now.
And your "slightly gay" onesie? I'm buying that for my next friend who has a baby. Since it's not self-promotion if I do it, I'll post a link, 'cause it's funny as fuck!
http://tinyurl.com/6ztzs
467. cathi said:
Mouse is an awfully smart dog, tIffany.
468. RazDreams said:
(Autumn, I broke this page. See comment #281 and #282. I suck.)
469. tIffany said:
Heeheehee thank you Bucky! Now I'm kind of embarrassed. :-)
And the chickens can flap over the FENCE? Yikes. I support the chicken program so long as I don't have to feed or touch chickens, or deal with neighbor complaints.
LOL Cathi - people give Mouse too much credit. He's really not a smart dog, and I mean that in the lovingest way possible. He just spends every single moment listening to everything in the house, because he lives in constant fear that he's going to miss an opportunity to have me feed him marshmallows.
470. Ashley said:
In Calgary we call that there formation "a chinook arch". Brings warm air from the coast.
471. Ashley said:
Hm. Moron here sees that several Calgarians have beat me to this disclosure. Ap's.
472. Closet Metro said:
Yeah
473. Caroline said:
DOOCE!
DOOCEREADERS!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE!
Who is up for Taa-Taa Thursdays? Post a picture of your own (hopefully clothed) taa-taas, others taa-taas (with permission), or taa-taa related paraphernalia. Dooce's milk-filled picture of the day a while back would be a good example. Anybody up for it?
BOOBIES!
474. part-timer said:
OH! I thought it was ASS day tomorrow.
475. Casper said:
Dooce...
Interesting group of people around here. I about laughed my ass off reading all your comments. Anyways, I am new to visiting your site and I must say you totally rock! Love your photos too.
476. cmj said:
I swear to God, if Wendy wins, I'm going to her house and I'm going to draw a Sharpie mustache on her icky face.
I mean it.
477. Henryk_ said:
I look at the pic.........and am expecting to see a "Independance Day" type space craft to appear!
478. Andrea in Canada said:
Dang Cold...you have a place to stay in Victoria whenever!
479. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
I'm having trouble taking pictures of my ass that aren't blurry or overexposed or obstructed by various man parts, but I have posted a pic of my webbed toes on my site. That has to be worth at least an honorable mention.
480. reg said:
that post about chuck was most excellent. i was laughing in wide mouth-gaping-open-surprise, sheer enjoyment, and amusement by the end. if i lived in utah, there would be certain months (winter) that the dog would definitely not get walked... due completely to the cold, and not to any time constraints. so you're not COMPLETELY neglectful of the chuck-meister.
481. Holy Schmidt said:
Heather,
If our oldest Boxer hears my hubby say the letter "W" she fucking FREAKS out! She will howl and throw "tap-dancing fits" in her kennel if he puts on his hat and doesn't go get a leash off of the hook.
Talk about a spoiled bitch!
482. Katie-be-happy-at-home said:
Dr. Johnny Fever, your webbed toes are way better than any butt shot. I have never seen anything like that before. I have incredibly long toes, though. They could literally be used as fingers if I ever lost one of them in an industrial accident, or something. A dillhole attorney that I used to work with looked at my toes (I was wearing these really cute open-toed high heels) and told me they looked they belonged on a monkey. I told him to suck cock. My toes give me character, dammit.
483. tIffany said:
Holy, I think your dog might be a Republican. If you say W to my dog he sulks off in a corner and starts chewing on his own feet.
484. Katie-be-happy-at-home said:
Does she think he is talking about Dubya Bush? I howl and throw tap-dancing fits of fury when I hear his name uttered, too.
485. Katie-be-happy-at-home said:
I have had the urge to chew my foot off, too when I hear W, along with the howling and tap-dancing fits. I might just chew off one of my big-ass toes, too.
486. Lori laughs alot said:
All is good in the world tonight...Jay Won!!!!!!!!!!!!!
487. Patty Pooh said:
Squee!
Go Jay, its your birthday. But now I want to see Austin's collection they "advertised" during the show on the scrolling bravo marquee!
488. Everyone knowsitsWENDY said:
Jay won...Whoo hoo!
489. OtherMojo said:
Project RunJay! you duh man!!
490. Hosti Klum said:
see? i told you.
auf wienerschnitzel!
491. candace said:
dammit dooce! i don't get to see it until later! GAH! So glad he won, though. WOOT!
492. Michael said:
Am I the only person in the world who liked Wendy Pepper?
Although, I would wear everything Jay made. Except for that skyscraper dress.
493. Karen Rani said:
There should totally be a support group for Mouse, Chuck and Ruffy....clearly they have issues. Who can blame them? They used to be our babies! Now they are tripped over, starved for food and attention, and last week when Ruffy stepped in dog shit that we hadn't cleaned up because it was all like, hidden in the snow, my hubby took to calling her "Shitpaw" all evening after he had to bathe her to lose the smell. Poor Shitpaw.
494. Karen Rani said:
Caroline - I would be totally in, but if it requires me posting the twins on my blog....that ain't happenin' cuz my father-in-law reads my site and shit, yo. Anyone want my ta ta's on their site for a few days? Fully clothed of course!
495. Shiz said:
Almost at 500 tonight, doocelings.
496. Big Gay Sam said:
Caroline said at 07:01PM, 02.23.2005:
DOOCE!
DOOCEREADERS!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE!
Who is up for Taa-Taa Thursdays? Post a picture of your own (hopefully clothed) taa-taas, others taa-taas (with permission), or taa-taa related paraphernalia. Dooce’s milk-filled picture of the day a while back would be a good example. Anybody up for it?
BOOBIES!
........................
Do I have to shave mine first?
497. nothanks said:
Jay won! I'm so happy!
498. saralynnmo said:
Oh, the imagery...
499. Henryk_ Fri@2003_Sydney time said:
Almost 500
500. Henryk_ said:
THERE YET??
501. Henryk_ said:
Ta dahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
502. Melle said:
Kara was good, but JAY was ORIGINAL with a damn imagination. He fits it best! CONGRATS!!!
503. RazDreams said:
*eeriely pretty photo*