Jones. He got in the way.
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
301. Annejelynn said:
Ed, I use 'wowzers' all.the.time.
and yes, I'm a big.fat.nerdo.
302. Annejelynn said:
ah! C.K. Jones as desktop wallpaper! excellent idea!
303. kristine said:
Ed-
then say something like, "I wish my ex-husband would overdose on Nyquil" like I did on my blog.
Just kidding.
Not going to your blog just because you kinda told me too.
I'm feeling all juiced up on Will Ferrell and Cold and Flu pills.
304. Dang Cold.. said:
I'm listening CK, I'm always here for you, and, you madame are comment # 300.
305. Annejelynn said:
ERN - 'blonde' is much much prettier...
blond - no go. no way. no 'blond' - and I ain't blonde, never have been...but no 'blond.'
306. ashik said:
um.
does it take a lot of energy to maintain a blog? not in the writing on it sense, but in the making the internets work sense. i'm beginning to kinda want one.
anyone?
307. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Striz -- guess I'm eatin' my corn flakes dry today, then.
308. coskel said:
HeatherPOO:
Utah is sort of the land 'O' no professional sports, except the Jazz, which arent too great. I've never quite understood the no sports thing out there, and have always assumed it has to do with LDS or something...
309. Gooooder said:
It's okay, I wish it was Chuck Friday too!
310. Circus Kelli said:
Dang Cold Baby: I noticed I was #300 and I was going to post another comment like "Woo! #300! Yeah, baby! SHA-ZAAAM!"
And then I thought... nah.
Thanks for bein there for me, man. You're not just Dang Cold, you're Wicked Cold in my book.
311. Annejelynn said:
ya know what, I keep waiting for 'Matt Damon' to post a comment...and I'm surprised no one has done it yet!
I wanted to do so, myself, when I first thought of it around 7:30 am (my Pacific time) - posting as 'Matt Damon.' BUT I know already that I can't possibly pose as Matt Damon and come up with anything truly witty...so I've been waiting and waiting for one of you to do it
what up?
Where's Matt Damon?
312. Katrina said:
Kristine #303,then say something like, “I wish my ex-husband would overdose on Nyquil†like I did on my blog.
I first read that you had overdosed on your dog and I was trying to figure out how you got dog in your system...
313. kristine said:
Finding Blog Fodder is not always easy.
I live with the Fodder of soul.
"Hello muther...Hello Fodder..."
OH god, someone just shoot me!
Anyone know of Flu/Cold medicine that will actually WORK?
If Michael Jackson has THIS string of flu...his nose will fall off.
314. Trance said:
BFE: GROSS.
315. Trance said:
It wouldn't take much for Michael Jackson's nose to fall off. Light breeze, mild sneeze... Air in general...
316. Matt Damon said:
I'm buck naked ladies
317. Matt Damon said:
Annejelynn, Hey, baby....I like your apples....
318. kristine said:
Katrina- LOL
Well the dog is pretty small.
You think taking him will clear up this runny nose?
I'll try it!
319. Amanda B. said:
Mmmmm. Viggo Mor-ter-fren-sen. Yummy with syrup...
Ashik- try blogspot.com for super easy to set up and maintain blogging...
Albeit...SLOW.....
320. Annejelynn said:
YEAH! MATT DAMON!!! WOO-HOO!
321. Trance said:
kristine: It tastes like lemon-flavored shit, but try Theraflu. Put it in with a tea bag and a load of sugar and it's not so bad, and it really does make you feel better.
322. Katrina said:
Kristine, I love me some NyQuil...but a good shot of moonshine will cure all that ails you. Even that it isn't Chuck Friday.
323. ashik said:
Thanks Amanda
324. Circus Kelli said:
Katrina said at 12:19PM, 02.17.2005:
Kristine #303,then say something like, “I wish my ex-husband would overdose on Nyquil†like I did on my blog.
I first read that you had overdosed on your dog and I was trying to figure out how you got dog in your system…
Katrina: She swallowed the dog to catch the cat to catch the bird to catch the spider that wriggled and wriggled and wriggled inside her. She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.
I'm surprised you never heard of this...
325. Annejelynn said:
I can vouch for Thera-Flu too
326. Gooooder said:
i bet michael jackson cant sneeze ever! i wonder if he even has sinuses.
327. Trance said:
Circus Kelli, you just gave me such a flashback...LMAO
328. kristine said:
Trance- I wish I had a detachable nose like Michael Jackson.
I think that might be the first time anyone has ever said that.
329. Shazzle said:
That's a *fantastic* picture.
330. Annejelynn said:
(I'm still thrilled and chucklin' about the fact that MATT DAMON LIKES MY APPLES)
331. Katrina said:
Kristine, I bet if you tried snorting him UP your nose nothing else would drip out...
332. ashik said:
HOney and lemon are the best
333. Trance said:
I don't think there's anything inside of MJ's nose except maybe a cardboard stand. Or a piece of wire holding it up.
Maybe a fingernail?
EW
334. Circus Kelli said:
Whoa, Trance. My apologies... I didn't mean to flash you back.
335. Sque said:
Me thinks Jones is Jonesin!
*Bows to the creepy dog of the park*
336. kristine said:
Trance you should go into advertising!
*It tastes like lemon-flavored shit, but try Theraflu.*
I see a whole line of new commercials coming out!!
337. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Hey Circus Kellie! I am here for ya'! I am still trying to get the mental picture out of my head of you in a Viking Helmet with red toenails and singing Blondie. Actually, it sounds pretty fun to me. Definitely sounds like a stress reliever.
338. Katrina said:
Circus Kelli...duh, my bad! I forgot about that darn fly...
339. Trance said:
CK: I just remember singing that song to my kid over and over, and losing my breath because it starts to go so fast.
It's all these damn cigars...
340. Spurious Plum said:
Circus Kelli, Now I'll have something better in my head than the Creed my freakin' neighbor is blasting...Yeah, I'll 'take you higher', bitch.
I don't know why Katrina swallowed a fly...
341. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Once I drank two cups of Theraflu and I started hallucinating. But in a really good way.
342. Trance said:
How about: *Theraflu. Tastes like ass, but at least you won't hack up a lung.*
343. Shiz said:
I LOOOOOVE Will Farrell. But the guy in COD is a disgusting, self-important lard-ass. What I'm saying is, I hope the producers don't force the movie to be all Austin-Powers-remake shit.
Yes, Will Farrell is King Midas. He even had a gold cowbell.
344. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
So, Trance, you're touting the healing powers of the TEABAG, and yet you consider it gross for me to humbly request some titty milk for my corn flakes?
Hmmph. Next you'll be tellin' me it's not okay to wipe my ass on the neighbor's dog.
*sobbing*
Will the persecution never stop?
345. Shiz said:
Spurious Plum (340): "Yeah, I’ll ‘take you higher’, bitch."
FUH. NEE.
346. Matt Damon said:
Annejelynn,
Baby, your apples are niiiiiice.
347. Trance said:
Only Will Farrell could have made Elf happen.
348. Annejelynn said:
LMAOROF - Bucky! you kill me!
349. Annejelynn said:
apples...
*giggle, giggle*
350. Trance said:
BFE: I fully support you wiping your ass on the neighbor's dog, as long as you're not wiping your ass on the *neighbor*.
351. kristine said:
Good times on Nyquil. I think I will give it a shot.
Forgive me if I say something that offends people while under the inFLUence of Nyquil...I might say something like, Will Farrell is penis wrinkle. That wouldn't be nice. So forgive me now, just in case.
352. Trance said:
And I can't help it that yo' dirty mind takes the innocent teabag to a foul, prurient place.
353. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Trance, you might change your mind real quick-like if you knew my neighbor.
354. Spurious Plum said:
Shiz, Awww. I'd say you're the shiz, but you already know....
355. part-timer said:
Will Farrell is the best, BUT I agree with Shiz... Ignatius is NASTY. I think Philip Seymour Hoffman could be perfect. Not that he's nasty or anything. We'll see. I'm glad they are making that movie. I hope it doesn't suck.
356. Annejelynn said:
If the neighbor's dog shits in your yard, then absolutely, wipe yer ass on the neighbor's dog!
357. kristine said:
Bucky,
You can wipe your ass on Beth's neighbor though.
358. Katrina said:
Spurious Plum...swallowing the fly seemed like the thing to do. It tasted a little like thera flu, only crispier.
359. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Tell that neighbor to turn that crap off. Sadly, I went and saw a Creed concert back in my bible-banging days. There were middle-aged women and teeny-boppers with WWJD shirts on, waving their arms around and holding their hands up in the air the whole time. It was mighty scary, is all I can tell you. One woman kept yelling "Praise Be!" It was then that I saw the light and starting frequenting Phish concerts, where people wave their hands around but it's because they are high on acid.
360. ashik said:
"Theraflu - better than teabagging"
361. Trance said:
I wouldn't mind wiping my ass on my neighbor, considering the fact that she lets her dog shit in my yard *every goddamn day*.
Someone needs a lesson in shit etiquette. Shitiquette.
362. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
What if I just wipe my ass on the neighbor's teabag?
363. Trance said:
Annejelynn, you totally read my mind.
364. Circus Kelli said:
B4E: That depends. What kind of dog is it?
365. Katrina said:
ahsik - ROTFLMAO
366. kristine said:
Nyquil-The Nastiest neighbor dog butt tasting shit that ever was created!
I sneezed after I drank my two teaspoons. It came out my nose. This is by far the worst day of my life.
367. Trance said:
Ew. Ass tea.
Would you like some artificial sweetener in your ass tea?
368. Spurious Plum said:
Katrina,
Just don't die.
Did the fly make you feel better? Was it assy lemon flavored like Theraflu?
369. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Ashik, I just pissed my pants laughing. The boss might be upset that I soiled the carpet.
370. LadyBug said:
Bucky - Just don't wipe your teabag on the neighbor's ass...
371. Bucky's Neighbor said:
You have to finesse me first Bucky baby...I'll be the fireman you be the soiled french maid.
372. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
CK -- I'm not sure what kind of dog, but I can tell you she's got a tan coat with brown stripes. And more brown stripes.
373. Trance said:
Do you ever wonder if Heather thinks we're all writing from the same mental institution?
374. JessicaRabbit said:
Oh my god, I have to agree here that is really creepy.
375. Spurious Plum said:
Katie-be-bored-at-work, 'Praise Be' to acid, dammit.
376. Molly said:
Ack!!!
377. ashik said:
BFE - are you a repeat offender? er.. wiper?
378. Circus Kelli said:
Katie B Bored: You got a mental picture of me in that get up?! I thought I destroyed all the negatives...
Kristine: The thought of those new Thera-Flu commercials has me giggling.
Trance: You're an effin GENIUS!
379. Trance said:
I'd make sure that dog's pretty fluffy before you waste your time.
380. Gooooder said:
ahhaha
MATT DAMON!
381. Katrina said:
Spurious, you see, the thing is this. I swallowed the lemony shitty fly. I don't know why it tasted like lemony shit...maybe because I found it on my dogs shit and then sucked a lemon like I was doing tequila shots with the wrong kind of citrus fruit. I don't know though. Anyway, it didn't make me any better but I have a little more flight to my step. Just the right foot though.
382. Gooooder said:
Trance::
Yeah, Its called WORK.
bwahahahahaa
383. Circus Kelli said:
Gooooder said at 12:42PM, 02.17.2005:
Trance::
Yeah, Its called WORK.
bwahahahahaa
LMAO! Hee hee...
384. Trance said:
Ha!!
385. ashik said:
Trance - she probably does. Given that we're all prone to lack of bladder control at "work"
386. Dang Cold.. said:
you said it Trance, I think Jacques the fluffy poodle would be in serious trouble in Bucky's yard.
387. Caroline said:
Yea, what _about_ Matt Damon? He's the only celebrity I've ever had a crush on. I'm going to start using that line ALL the time now. You've created a monster.
388. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Bucky soiled her french ass
389. Trance said:
At least you're getting paid.
I'm sitting around in my pajamas.
390. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
LadyBug -- alas, I am incapable of teabagging without the aid of an artificial teabag. Or I ask Jim to come along.
Ashik -- Repeat? Hell, yeah. Rinse and repeat.
391. Trance said:
Hey man, better a poodle than one of those dogs with the rough coats.
OW
392. Shiz said:
Katie-bbaw (re: 359/Creed/Bible Banging): Hot Damn! I had me some extremely embarassing Bible banging awkward teen years. I wish I could grab that girl and say, "FUCKING STOP IT ALREADY! Get a tatoo or something. And NOT of Jesus-stuff or that damn icthus."
I was brainwashed.
393. ashik said:
Well, if this comments page does not release its clammy grip on me, I'll soon stop getting paid. Must. obsessively. refresh. page. Aaack!
394. Trance said:
Shiz, you have a Jesus fish tattoo???
395. Spurious Plum said:
Katrina, Thank you. I just shot Diet Coke out my nose, laughing. It burns.
PS. I'f you're gonna eat lemony poo flies, watch out for tapeworms. They make you looove Creed.
396. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Neighbor -- we can play fireman and incontinent maid just as soon as you stop PEEING IN YOUR GARAGE and coming out in the yard in your underwear with your skinny old-man knobby-kneed chicken legs wobblin' in the breeze.
At least, I think them's yer legs. . .
397. Trance said:
Please tell me you're joking about your neighbor peeing in the garage.
398. ashik said:
OOOOOOOhhh, you rinse the dog between each use. now that's humane.
399. Spurious Plum said:
Shizzle,
Wait...Icthus?
Icthyus=Fish
Icarus=Dumbass who flew too close to the sun.
Is this that God fish on the back of cars that sprouts little feet as it evolves?
400. Trance said:
That's the Darwin fish.
401. Spurious Plum said:
But I want a tattoo of a flying dumbass.
402. Shiz said:
part-time: I could totally see Chris Rock playing Jones in Confederacy. But they've cast anuh-tha.
OK. News flash: "Will Ferrell confirmed that the film Confederacy of Dunces is no longer happening."
Stanky.
403. Susie said:
Trance, you make me laugh. Of all the claims and threats that have been made in this comment avalanche, it's the neighbor peeing in the garage that gives you pause. Heeheehee. I always tell my neighbors, I'd much rather you pee in my garage than wipe your ass on my dog. I mean, you know, if I have a choice . . .
404. Gooooder said:
ashik said at 12:43PM, 02.17.2005:
Trance - she probably does. Given that we’re all prone to lack of bladder control at “workâ€
i find myself having to go to the bathroom about every 10 F5's that i do to this page. you know, just to make things crazy.
405. Trance said:
I'm going to make my own gefilte fish, and doctor the Jesus fish with a little yarmulke.
406. Spurious Plum said:
Wait, I had a tattoo of Super Grover on my ass in high school. Does that count?
407. Trance said:
It's just, why would you pee in your garage?? This confounds me.
408. Circus Kelli said:
Spurious: I had no idea Super Grover even went to high school.
409. Shiz said:
No tattoos. No Jesus Fish. Just alluding to what others might do/have done.
I still kept the faith, but I think the freaky-ass expression of it is all ... seriously wacked out. It's okay to follow a religion and still be human.
In fact, I think that might be the point.
410. Spurious Plum said:
I'm gonna pee in MY neighbors garage,if she doesn't TURN THAT CRAP-ASS MUSIC OFF!
Jesus, now it's Blink 18-freakin-2
411. Shiz said:
ANYTHING Super-Grover should get one into heaven.
412. Trance said:
I went to school with some kids that were very Jesused out. I kind of admired that in a way.
Nice to have principles.
Then again, I was sort of a big flaming heathen.
413. Spurious Plum said:
Shiz,
Too bad I did 40 hours of community service with known felons to have Super Grover removed.
414. Gooooder said:
Spurious Plum:
Pee in his shoe too, because that music aint right.
AINT RIGHT.
415. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Yes, my nasty old neighbor has been known to pee in his garage because. . .I don't know, because it's too far to walk inside the house? Because he was born in a barn? Because he's made of cheese?
Ew. Just glad it's his own garage.
416. Shiz said:
Spurious, I'd get on getting all up in their ass if I wuz you. Their music should be theirs, not the whole neighborhood's.
417. Trance said:
Why would you have Super Grover removed? That had to have a supreme pick-up tool.
418. Shiz said:
Spurious (413/felons): I'm dying to know what THAT was all about.
419. Fran said:
WHAT ABOUT HEATHER B. ARMSTRONG?
I just woke up from a dream in which you were mean to me even though I was a guest in your house AND I defrosted your freezer for you. You said I was talking to myself while doing it and ruining your time with your OTHER dinner guests. :(
Why do you keep moldy bread in your freezer?
:P
420. Trance said:
Every morning this bitch across the street walks her hatched-faced UGLY little pug over to my yard, lets it do its business, and then walks it back across the street.
One of these days I am going to take a flamethrower to her, I swear it.
There is just no reason for that.
421. koof said:
wwmdd?
i think i hear the sounds of a fad coming on....
422. Spurious Plum said:
Shia and Trance,
When I lived with my parents, tattoos were meant a foot up your ass and living in the camper.
So I found a public service program that gave gang members free tattoo removal treatments in exchange for community service. Everyone in the office was getting those prison teardrops shot off with lasers, and I was trying to play like I wanted to get out of the 'Sesame Street Killas'.
Now that I'm older, I miss SG. I can shake my ass pretty good now, and I often wonder if a good shake would've made his cape wave.
423. kristine said:
Trance-your ad design for Thera-Flu made my blog.
I will be working on the actual lay out when I'm not drugged up.
I think you should take it all the way to the top!
424. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Shiz, I hate that blasted Jesus fish. Like when people plaster that stupid metal fish on their bumper. Is that supposed to ward off potential car thieves, or something? Like they'll think "Hmm, this dude likes Jesus, I better not steal his car stereo". You're right - we ARE supposed to be human, we aren't supposed to be Jesus, for God's sake. Why try to do what he would do? I have my own faith, but I choose not to paste it on my bumper.
425. Circus Kelli said:
Spurious: Now that I’m older, I miss SG. I can shake my ass pretty good now, and I often wonder if a good shake would’ve made his cape wave.
Ha! If I had gotten an SG tattoo in high school, I'd have a Super DUPER Grover by now -- and that cape wouldn't ever STOP wavin! :)
426. cathi said:
Sometimes I'll see a school of fish on the backs of cars... like they think they'll go to a better heaven for having more fish.
More Fish!
427. Spurious Plum said:
Mofo was blue, too. he was hard to get off.
Sweet Zombie Jesus! Now it's Christina Aguilera. That's it. I'm gonna go pee in Neighbors garage and hit her in the face with a rake.
428. Dang Cold.. said:
How about a sticker of Captain Highliner? Where would that get me?
429. Spurious Plum said:
Circus Kelli, you're an inspiration! Do you have any tattoos?
430. Closet Metro said:
Kristine - I described TheraFlu on my blog as tasting like "the toxic industrial waste seepage from under a chemical plant, with a hint of lemon"
431. bosco67 said:
I see Blog People!
432. DoggyMom said:
Funny, I had a nightmare recently where Dooce appeared and was shaking me, warning me about the neverending SCREAMING. The SCREEEEEEEEEAMING. This site has definitely had a sort of "Scared Straight" effect on me in regards to parenthood. Thankfully I can just experience it vicariously here - and laugh rather than cry. You are a brave and funny woman, Ms. Dooce.
433. spoonleg said:
toyota camry: now with more jesus fish!
434. Dang Cold.. said:
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/fish.html
jesus fish vs. satan fish
435. Closet Metro said:
I never really wanted a tatoo before, because I never found something that I wanted to live with forever, but I think I could be happy with Super Grover on my ass.
436. Spurious Plum said:
Closet Metro,
It sorta looked like this:
http://john.regehr.org/gsuperfly.gif
437. Closet Metro said:
Plum - that would definitely improve my ass. It's kind of a "fixer upper"
438. Circus Kelli said:
Spurious: Nope, no tattoos. I had my belly button pierced at one time, though.
439. Circus Kelli said:
Is it just me, or does anyone else hear "SOOOOOOP...ER GROVER!" whenever they read Super Grover?
440. cathi said:
too funny Dang - I used to read that site all the time
441. Spurious Plum said:
Circus Kelli, I'm gonna go pierce something on my neighbor right now... Later everyone!
442. juli said:
I gotta dog that likes to stick her face right up in the lens too. It's made for some interesting, if unexpected, pictures.
443. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
The medicine that makes my poor tastebuds quake in fear is Dayquil, which I'm pretty sure is extracted from the ass of George Hamilton.
I mean, it *is* the same shade of orange as his skin.
444. Dang Cold.. said:
CK..I just picture grover soaring back and forth saying "near......far.......near........far.......near"
445. warcrygirl said:
Trance hon just immediately go out with a shovel, scoop up said poop and walk it over to HER yard and tell her "Oh miss, you forgot something." How much you want to bet she's stops that shit (pun intended).
I found out that my then three year old was pissing down his bedpost (he has stackable bunkbeads) but I found out by moving the bed from one room to another...ICK!
446. Big Gay Sam said:
WWMMD - what would mary magdelene do?
that's my credo.
she wouldn't be caught dead in sequins.
and yes I have the WWMMD on my bumper.
447. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
BGSam -- do you think Jesus ever passed Mary Magdelene a note that said:
"I like you. Do you like me?
Check: __yes ____no"
448. Closet Metro said:
Big Gay Sam - the bumper of your car, or your backside? (Just so I get the mental picture right)
449. Trance said:
Do you think she folded it into one of those neato origami shapes?
450. Trance said:
Warcrygirl: I thought about saving up all the poop until I had like, a good garbagebagful, and then dumping it on her porch with a sign that said, "Here's your poop back! Love, your friendly neighbor"
451. Circus Kelli said:
Dang Cold:
"But what about breakfast?"
SG: "No Thank you sir. I can not fly on a full stomach..."
452. Trance said:
Spurious Plum: I heard tattoo removal is more painful than anything. I have an incredibly shitty and old tattoo I got at the age of fifteen that I wouldn't mind seeing go, but no on the ouchie and hurty.
453. cb said:
Here's an annoying english major kind of comment for "me," Trance, Ern, Annejelynn, and ny others talking about the use of the words blond/blonde:
Both forms can be used as adj. or noun, but:
Blond is the masculine form.
Blonde is the feminine form.
454. Dang Cold.. said:
My tattoo is on my back that way if I ever had regrets I wouldn't have to see it.. screw the pain of removal.
455. Circus Kelli said:
Dang Cold: What is it a tattoo of?
456. moose said:
cb, that's what I thought.
457. Circus Kelli said:
CB: That's it. From now on, I'm going with "really dark white" or "really light light brown".
458. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
I've always heard you should never put a tattoo anywhere it will be visible in court. :)
459. Trance said:
Dang Cold, me too. But it's shitty and faded and just knowing it's there irks me somehow.
460. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Can we have Tattoo Day here?
If you have one, show it.
If you don't have one, we can fix that, my friend.
461. Trance said:
Last week I saw a bald guy with really elaborate eyeballs tattooed on the back of his head.
Best tattoo ever.
462. Ern said:
Wow, I popped back in just in time.
See, blonde *is* prettier!
463. Ern said:
I always feel sorry for women who get tatoos on their bellies--cause they might look good now, but what will it look like after being pregnant!?
464. Dang Cold.. said:
C Kelli...
http://www.labyreims.com/e-chartresscript.html
465. eco2geek said:
"SG tattoo"? "Suicide Girls"? Oh, Super Grover. Never mind. ;-)
Slightly off-topic: Here's a spoof of a B&W 50's educational film called "Billy's Dad is a Fudge-Packer":http://www.gay.com/content/movie/?id=71&navpath=/channels/entertainment/movies/posma -- chock full of double entendres. (Including some recently discussed here.)
466. moose said:
two reasons i never got a tattoo:
1. nazis
2. i don't like the thought of what it would look like when i'm eighty and all saggy and baggy.
does reason #2 mean i am too vain???
467. Ern said:
Maybe tatoo day can be a future theme for self-portrait day?
468. moose said:
Really, Dang? That's pretty cool.
469. Circus Kelli said:
Ern: I had that belly ring for about nine months before I had to remove it (I was a few months pregnant with our second child). A few months after delivering Sweet Pea, I was able to get that belly ring back in (and feel GOOD about it, not like I was a fat old MOM with a belly ring as a joke) for about a month or two before getting pregnant again with our third child. I never tried to get that belly ring back in after that.
I was tempted, though, to get a tattoo on my belly while I was preggers... that way when I wasn't preggers anymore, the tattoo would be SMALLER. :)
470. Leisl said:
I can see you, Dooce baby. I CAN SEE YOU!
471. Circus Kelli said:
Dang Cold: Interesting. I'd be tempted to take a permanent marker to it and "solve" it while you were sleeping. :) I'm like that, though.
472. Spurious Plum said:
Just dealt with the Blink/Creed Queen next door:
La Spuriosa: "HEY NEIGHBOR! Could you turn it down a little?â€
Snarky Neighbor:"OK, OK, you don’t have to be so loud.â€
!!?!?!?!??!?!!?
Dang and Trance, Tattoo removal hurts like a eight bitches in a bitch boat. It’s painful, expensive, and you usually have to go back more than once. Plus, if you think your tat looks faded and shitty now (let's see some pics here!Go BFE!), wait until you have a big patch of non-matching skin for those days at the beach. Sexxxy.
473. Dazed & Confuzed said:
I want a tattoo of Aunt Clara from "Bewitched". Girlfriend was HOT.
474. Girl.A said:
I want to get a tattoo on my rectum that says last chance for gas for the next 7 miles.
How many miles of intestines are there in the average human adult?
475. part-timer said:
moose - my reason exactly for not getting a tattoo!
eco2geek- i so want to open that link, but have a 4 yr old here. will have to wait for tonight!
476. tallulah said:
Ok, favorite quote today:
"eight bitches in a bitch boat"
477. Spurious Plum said:
Dazed y Confused,
What about Uncle Arthur?
"Oh, Tabitha!"
478. RazDreams said:
just the mere *mention* of Matt Damon makes me wanna get nekkid.
479. Spurious Plum said:
Girl A.
21 feet.
480. Trance said:
I just have an ankh on my back (because I was *oh so goffik* as a teenager)and then a newer tattoo around my wrist.
I want one more, but I'm trying to restrain myself.
481. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Ern, I had a friend in high school who thought it would be really nifty to get a tattoo of dolphins doing flips around her belly button. Well, she got knocked up in the 11th grade and got so huge that afterwards Flipper turned into Shamu.
482. beckythefirst said:
i forgot how to make it show a quote, so i'm just pasting:
*Dazed & Confuzed said at 08:43AM, 02.17.2005:
WWJD (for a Klondyke bar?)*
my husband so wants that shirt.
483. Trance said:
Katie be bored: LMAO
484. Circus Kelli said:
Spurious: Can I just say, getting my belly pierced was like having any episiotomy for no frikkin reason at all.
Here I was thinkin "Shoot. I've spit a kid out my hoo-hoo, how much could a simple piercing hurt?" I even pinched that little bit of skin at the top of my navel REALLY HARD as a test.
Shit. I nearly passed out from the pain. When I had sufficiently recovered, the "Piercer" wanted to know if he should continue... WTF?! I thought he was done...
Yeah... for about 5 minutes in my life, I had a belly-ring and I was *smokin hot*.
485. Dazed & Confuzed said:
I'd totally get an Uncle Arthur tatt. Dude is an ass-spelunker from WAY back. But then again, aren't we all?
486. Trance said:
I've had a lot of piercings (thankfully a phase I am over, 'cept the nose), and strangely the one that hurt the most was the cartilage in the top of my ear. That shit took FOREVER to heal and I thought I'd never be able to sleep on my side again. Weird.
487. Circus Kelli said:
Katie B Bored: HA! See! You should get the tattoo WHEN YOU'RE PREGNANT. ;)
488. Matt Damon said:
Watch out DJ Blurb. Matty's making his way into your woman's dreams. Soon it's going to be all "Meather: are they or aren't they engaged?" Watch your back brothaa!
489. Spurious Plum said:
Circus Kelli,
Yes! Bring back the hoo-hoo!
Tallulah,
Wish I could take credit for "eight bitches in a bitch boat" but it's from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. I'm a nerd.
490. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
I didn't think the belly-button piercing hurt all that bad. I think it was the adrenaline rush. I remember it really hurt like hell when I got my little dangly frog charm stuck in my sweater and didn't realize it, and then when I went to take my sweater off I almost pulled my entire belly button off.
491. Trance said:
There is nothing nerdy about Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
That is all.
492. colleen said:
Hey, did you notice on the Mallory swimsuit photos that in the one where she's standing, facing the camera and making cleavage she has flesh colored pads hanging out of the bottom of the swimsuit. You know, the ones that give you an extra cup size. Or at least that's what it looks like.
493. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Daddy would you like some sausage
494. Annejelynn said:
# kristine said at 12:37PM, 02.17.2005:
...."I sneezed after I drank my two teaspoons. It came out my nose. This is by far the worst day of my life."
I missed this earlier. Kristine, R U OK???
495. Circus Kelli said:
Spurious: Uhhh... ya know, I'm just not sure how to take that comment...
Katie B Bored: Oh, diddin I tell you? I'm a complete wuss.
496. Spurious Plum said:
Circus Kelli,
Not bring back YOUR hoo-hoo, more like bring bach the PHRASE hoo-hoo.
But if you feel the hoo-hoo needs to be brought, hoo-it-up!
497. Spurious Plum said:
Or since I can’t type, bring back the Bach
498. Dang Cold.. said:
hoo are you
hoo hoo hoo hoo
hoo are you
hoo hoo hoo hoo
499. tallulah said:
Aqua Teen Hunger Force? I really must live under a rock.
500. Circus Kelli said:
Spurious: Heh... there will be no hooing-it-up from me. Someone else will have to be bringin the hoo.
501. Circus Kelli said:
Dang Cold: LOL -- Damn, now I'll never be able to listen to that song with a straight face again...
502. part-timer said:
There's a Real World: Paris?
Oh, I gotta get off this fucking computer!
503. moose said:
CK, hoo will it be then?
504. moose said:
Dang: good one
505. Trance said:
I'm more of a hoo-hah-er than a hoo-hoo-er.
But hoo-hoo is fine, too.
506. Circus Kelli said:
Moose: Cindy Lou-Hoo... who else?
507. tallulah said:
hoo can it be now?
508. cathi said:
The SNL with more cowbell is on E! right now (central time).
509. Katrina said:
I love the idea of a tattoo day. I purposefully got a frog on my back so that when it's all saggy and nasty I won't be able to turn around and see it. My dad is convinced that in 20 years it's going to be literally crawling out of my ass.
Maybe THAT'S why I ate the fly...
510. Circus Kelli said:
Hoo-Hoo and the Blowfish
511. Dang Cold.. said:
Trance...
I'm from the school of hoo-hah myself and I ain't talking about a long haired old man in china with whiskers...
its delicio master!!!
512. annabelle said:
I knew Mallory from Paris was in the book two days ago- sorry I didn't tell you- I thought nobody else in the world but me would've noticed something like that. And my husband keeps giving me shit about not bringing the issue home from work and I'm like, "whatever, it's on my desk and I don't feel like lugging it home. Do we really need another magazine?" That's apparently not the right answer.
513. Dang Cold.. said:
hoo hoo cachoo mrs. robinson
514. Wickedfun said:
It is and forever will be a coochie.
I am sorry, but that is just the way it is.
515. Circus Kelli said:
Rock and Roll, Hoochey-Hoo.
516. Trance said:
I like to say it just like Al Pacino says "HOO-rah" in that movie with Chris O'Donnell.
"HOO-hah!"
"Get your dog's nose away from my HOO-hah!"
517. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
I want a frog tattoo. I am a dork that collects frog stuff. The tattoo I have is of a tiny ladybug crawling up my side - it was the smallest tattoo I could find. I think it would be neat to have a frog with his tongue out trying to catch the ladybug. And hey, then I can put a cat with his tongue out trying to catch the frog. And then a dog... oh, man, we're back to that song again!!! I can't get it out of my head!!!!
518. Spurious Plum said:
Love, love me hoo,
You know I love hoo
I'll always be true
so pleeeeeeease
Love me hoo
Woah-oh, love me hoo
519. Trance said:
I went to high school in the hood and everyone called it a coochie.
I don't know, it just sounds too much like other words to me. Like smoochie. Or Poochie.
I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. I just don't like the word.
520. Katrina said:
OK, sorry that was way late and not at all the current convo. Guess I should refresh a little more often and not let work sidetrack me.
521. Bec said:
whoah, uber close up!
522. annabelle said:
Colleen, I need a page number- on Mallory's boob cups hanging out- can't find it.
523. Circus Kelli said:
Spurious: You RAWK. ;)
524. RazDreams said:
mallory a hottie. not as hot as some of those survivor chics (new ones on *tonight!*), but hot nonetheless.
525. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
I heard some Mexican guy call it a "torta". That means "sandwich" for Christsakes. Why must men always relate the female anatomy to food?!?
526. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Although I guess "torta" sounds better than "fish taco".
527. Circus Kelli said:
Ah, Katie B Bored... you know, if I wasn't such a lady, I would say something like "Well, as long as their eatin it, who cares"?
528. Dang Cold.. said:
well thank god I didn't blurt out that its called the honey pot...
uh oh..
(jk)
529. honestyrain said:
five hundred and excuse me how many? say pardon? you guys better be sitting here talking about mallory from real world's boobs otherwise i am at a loss. a loss i say a loss.
heather, the masses have gone wild. for you. wild wild wild.
you wild things.
you.
530. Trance said:
Thank goodness you're a lady. :D
531. annabelle said:
Friends o' mine call it a cho-cho or a chi-chi. I think in Arabic something that sounds like cho-cha means our, you know, our thing...
This one friend is Libyan so he taught my husband that a long time ago, but somehow they started reffering to their coffee as chi-chi or cho-cho, and then I heard it so often that one day I said to the man, "Hey, I want some cho-cho too" and coffee came out of his nose.
532. Ern said:
What makes men drool? Sex and food. If they can combine the two, they have reached some sort of nirvana
533. Katrina said:
Katie I so want a dragonfly for my frog to eat.
I used to call my hoo hoo a tu tu and ballet class was super naughty. I giggled all through dress rehearsals and died when a boy had to wear a tu tu. Then it became a front butt. Hmm...no wonder I'm in therapy.
534. Robyn Leitner said:
What about Matt Damon, indeed.
535. Trance said:
A front butt?? LMAO
I thought that's what I had from my c-section...
536. Katrina said:
Wild thang...I think I love you...
537. moose said:
i was trying to be anatomically correct for her but when my little one was weally wittwe, she wefewwed to hew vulva as hew "bubba." There is just something not right about that. Bubba. *snort*
538. Spurious Plum said:
Circus Kelly,
HOOray! You're pretty rad yourself.
Katie B Bored, Be happy, tortas are good!
Is this like Dooce and "eating the pink taco"?
539. Ern said:
What about Matt Damon?
What does a boy from bean town call a hoo hoo?
540. Cory said:
Oh God...okay, I have to fess up since I wouldn't want you to hate me forever... A while ago, there were Real World/Road Rules girls who did a spread in Playboy. Beth S., Gisela, Flora and a couple others. Maybe you knew already, it was some time ago, maybe a year or so.
541. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
LMFAO Kellie
I guess I should start calling my boyfriend's unit a "salmuera". You know, somehow really stupid euphemisms for body parts sound a lot better in Spanish.
542. G-dawg said:
Ok, I'll admit it. I knew about the Mallory thing. But I was too ashamed to admit it. But know that you admitted that you know, it's ok for me to come out too!
Some of those pictures need some serious Photoshop help. She's got clevage helpers slipping out of the bottom of her bikini top.
543. moose said:
SP: claro que SI!
544. Ern said:
Was anyone around last night? I thought we were going to call it the pink guitar.
545. Trance said:
I have a friend who calls it her "precious".
546. Spurious Plum said:
Hey,
What about the Cooz? Although, that makes me do word association like Katie B Bored. Like FOOZball, WHO'S The Boss, SNOOZE Button...
Ahhh, sweet snooze button. I love you so.
547. Spurious Plum said:
Que onda, Moose? Yo no lo puedo evitar!
548. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Me gusta chupar el salmuera de mi novio.
Mi espanol es horible!!!
549. annabelle said:
G-Dawg, what are you talking about? On what page is Mallory's support help slipping out of her top?
550. Tammy said:
LOL that pic's actually creepy looking. What're you doin, dog?? Move!! MUSH!!
551. HeatherJS said:
Mallory from RR Paris is also in JCrew modeling their swim suits. And she was in Abercrombie's fall/winter catalog/nudie book. Haven't check out SI yet, though.
552. moose said:
KBBAW: pickle?
553. annabelle said:
Oh, I see- the online shots- yes, definitely looks like flesh-colored jelly inserts are slipping out of her top. I guess that's why those shots didn't make the cut into the magazine- she's not all that voluptuous.
554. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Yay Moose! Tu hable espanol!!!
555. G-Dawg said:
I hope this works...
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/features/2005_swimsuit/models/05_msnyde...
Fun for me, this sort of stuff is filtered out at work. I can get the link for you, but I'm not sure if it's the right one.
556. Toren said:
HOLY CRAP IT IS MALLORY!!!!!!! Thanks for the heads-up DOOCE, that is shittin-ass crazy!
557. bethymae said:
Oh damn I have to post quick before anyone else comes in here to bug me about another goddamn thing. Please excuse all spelling errors i am looking over my shoulder a lot so I don't get busted.
I just got to use HUMPJUICE in a sentence today. You people are all great nutters.
Kristine, take a shot of cheap bourbon (or two) and sleep it off. You'll feel better tomorrow. Damn gotta run.
558. Katrina said:
Trance, that makes me think of Gollum. Does your friend pet herself and say precious over and over?
559. eco2geek said:
Ern > "What makes men drool? Sex and food. If they can combine the two, they have reached some sort of nirvana"
I resemble that remark.
Sex and food at the same time? That'd be called "multitasking."
560. G-Dawg said:
There is also one picture where you can see the double sided tape. It's the one where she's kind of looking over her shoulder...
God, you think I was obcessed with her boobs. Actually, after 6 months of breastfeeding... yes, yes I am. I'm jealous.
561. mau said:
Hello from Italy. I like your site :) wanted to tell you just this...go on :) Thanks.
MAU
562. annabelle said:
Do all ya'll really drink bourbon. I swear I had no idea it was that popular- though dooce was sort of an original that way.
I mean maybe my grandmother, but isn't our generation more into wine and girly vodka drinks?
563. warcrygirl said:
I'm with Wicked Fun; I refer to mine as a coochie. Hubby refers to it as "puddy".
564. Circus Kelli said:
Holy crap -- Mallory grew up in Palatine, IL. Growing up, I lived about 20 minutes from there. Heh.
565. Katrina said:
I tawt I saw a puddy tat
566. annabelle said:
Katrina! Hah! I have to pass that on.
567. moose said:
Bourbon's one of my faves.
KBBAW: solo un poco. apprendo.
568. Big Gay Sam said:
Bucky Four-Eyes said at 01:35PM, 02.17.2005:
BGSam — do you think Jesus ever passed Mary Magdelene a note that said:
“I like you. Do you like me?
Check: __yes ____noâ€
........
Naw.. he just glowed in front of her and she was smitten.
..................
Closet Metro said at 01:36PM, 02.17.2005:
Big Gay Sam - the bumper of your car, or your backside? (Just so I get the mental picture right)
.....
Come to my place and I'll show you my etchings. ::wiggling eyebrows up and down::
569. Katrina said:
WOOHOO #567!!!
570. Katrina said:
ooops, I lied.
571. jp said:
Hooha
weewee
weewa
whoopsie daisy
and my all time fav down there.
572. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
My written Spanish is better than my spoken Spanish. My accent is okay, but when waitresses at Mexican restaurants ask me a question in Spanish, I get all red-faced and stutter out something in English. Then they go in the kitchen with the other senoritas and laugh about the stupid white girl. Oh, the paranoia I have here in Texas.
573. Liggett said:
Hey Dooce,
Here's where you can get some up-to-date real world and road rules information:
http://www.realworldroadrules.blogspot.com/
574. stacey said:
that mallory chick is from my neck of the woods. she lives about 3 miles from me, lol. she went to high school in my district.
575. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
What would Matt Damon call the hoo hoo, you ask?
A Beantown boy, I'm guessing, would call it a "vaginer"
As in: "I'd like to paahk my tallywhaaackah in your vaginer."
Boston folks, am I close?
576. jp said:
Katie-be, at least you get to have good mexican food. I moved from So. Cal to back wood, teeth missin', brother humpin' state I would rather not say due to offendin' the natives, and have been looking for good food every since. The closest I have found is Taco Bell.
577. K E N N Y said:
The question has yet to be answered... what about Matt Damon?
578. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Is Mallory still dating that hot guy?
579. Circus Kelli said:
Stacey: Heh, then you aren't far from my neck of the woods. I grew up in Rolling Meadows, IL (although I don't live there now).
Of course, when Miss Mallory was born, I was already mid-way through high school.
580. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
I feel your pain, jp. I am from Pennsylvania originally and I used to think the chalupas at Taco Bell was genuine Mexican food. When I go back to PA to visit I go through withdrawal. Of course I love Taco Bell - there is something to be said for their crunchy tacos and double decker gorditas. I went to a "Mexican" restaurant once in Amish country and their guacamole had what appeared to be Cheez-Whiz squirted over the top of it. And the guacamole was a curious brown color. I should have known that Amish people don't know crap about Mexico.
581. I AM JONES said:
This Is Jones. DOG. That is NOT all.
582. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Oh, and there was apple butter sitting on the table. I don't think Mexicans usually put apple butter on their tortillas.
583. Katrina said:
JP, I just moved from CA to one of them there toothless backwoods states and Taco Bell isn't even the same, the don't have Tostadas! WTF!?!?!?
On my website I have started a what I like about the South line of thinking. Feel free to check it out on occasion to renew your faith in this satan forsaken place. Not god forsaken, we are in the bible belt mind you...love my censored radio music!
584. Girl.A said:
Bucky, you are right on the umm, button.
They do say words ending with the "ah" or "uh" sound as "er". The weirdest one is yeah becomes "yare".
Wicked pissah vaginer.
585. jp said:
Do you think Amish eat fish tacos'? mmmm...taco...
586. Katrina said:
KBBAW, oh, but some apple butter smeared on a fried flour tortilla is oh so yummy. A little like an Southern US version of the sopapilla.
587. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Bucky, that sounds a little more like Ted Kennedy. Ah, Ted Kennedy. That man's head seems to grow larger every day. I think he drinks bourbon.
588. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
The Amish are some kinky bastards. I always heard stories back home about Amish boys and girls getting caught in the silo doing dirty deeds.
589. I AM JONES said:
You will know me by my name.
D. O. G.
There is no coincidence.
That is NOT all.
590. jp said:
My fav is that it is not guacamole, or salsa, it's all just called dip. Red or green? Or do you want the special-melted velveta and pace? I'd rather have the apple sauce with cheez-whiz.
591. Girl.A said:
Katie-be-bored
Matt Damon and Ben Affleck are both from Beantown and you should hear them do the accent.
Worse than Ted Kennedy.
592. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
What are you talking about Jones?
593. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Ah, Pace Picante. You know those commercials? With the hillbilly that says "New York CITY?!?" And Velveeta. What IS Velveeta made of? Maybe you are right - apple butter might be a tastier choice.
594. T said:
No - Bucky Four-Eyes - not close - last poupular term - "Cooch" ;-)
595. Brian said:
Target: http://www.dooce.com/
Please, validate your XML document first!
Line 235
Column 230
The element type "option" must be terminated by the matching end-tag "".
596. Natalie said:
Mallory is from Palatine, a suburb of Chicago and went to Fremd high school. Here's her page from the Iowa State soccer team. The girl was born in 1984!
597. natalie said:
I guess it would help if I added the url. http://cyclones.collegesports.com/sports/w-soccer/mtt/snyder_mallory00.html
598. jp said:
Katrina- I have decided that the thing I like most is Waffle House, and the hospitality. In that order. I hate that I can't buy vodka at the grocery store, and I can't drink on Sunday. At least not in public. I have to hide like the rest of the closet alcoholics. I miss food not deepfried, and covered in gravy. Sorry to rant, can you tell I'm home sick, and not drunk yet. I need a drink, and a taco.
599. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Well now I feel extremely guilty looking at those Sports Illustrated pictures. She looks about twelve in those pics of her from Iowa State.
600. Ern said:
It weirds me out that people born in the '80s are of legal drinking age/posing like a skanky modelling age!