::laughs:: No one's noticed this totally looks like that scene in "The Grudge"; where the evil zombie woman gets up in the camera and all you can see are creepy eyes... JONES IS GOING TO KILL YOU.
that's kinda freaky. it sort of reminds me of the part in "the grudge" when the dead japanese woman gets all up in the security camera. thanks for reducing me again to the rocking thumb-sucker i was after that movie.
02.17.05 - 06:54 AM
37. Michelle said:
Strange INTERNETS...today I see the truth - I mean, numbers! Wow - I feel privileged.
And great photo, too - wonderful focus on the head-tops behind the pup. My pup likes to lick the camera lens if I get too close - eeewwww!
I am intrigued as to how you got hold of a copy of the pic of me that was taken 12 hours after my son was born - or is it just an overwhelming resemblance!
LOL I just remembered! When my fiance moved into his (then) house I went out to inspect the back garden. Through a hole in the 6ft fence (the hole was about 5ft up) I saw a pair of eyes exactly like that staring at me. It was the next door neighbour's weimaraner!!!!!!!!
His hypnotic powers are starting already - he made my comment appear twice with 2 minutes difference when I only posted once!
*Cue Twilight Zone music*
02.17.05 - 06:59 AM
48. Southern Fried Girl said:
Jesus, that scared the shit out of me. WTF is that dog doing?
the funniest part is the little heads in the background, all ready to pose for the camera. then the dog's all, whoops no ya don't SUCKAS.
02.17.05 - 07:00 AM
51. ashik said:
Took a while to figure out that this is not my worst nightmare somehow captured on blurbodoocery's magical camera. you know, how when you've had a vivid dream and you want to describe it, and you wish you could draw it, but it just can't be taken out of your imagination and given a physical, representational shape? But you did it. i hope that made sense.
Classic dog shot, reminds me of my hound and his desire to be front and center all the time.
02.17.05 - 07:03 AM
54. Susie said:
That's a view that every dog owner has seen at least once upon waking. I love it. So very doglike, dogfull, doggish. "What is that? Can I eat it? I'll sniff it first . . . " Good dog.
Aw...how sweet. A little closeup from Area 51. HI MOM!
02.17.05 - 07:09 AM
66. Effie said:
OK--so I'm stupid--not blue eyes, I typed it and then posted it and looked again--definitely not blue.
Whatever the case may be--kinda spooky!
02.17.05 - 07:10 AM
67. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
I have a new goal in life. That is to be quoted by Dooce. Oh, and another goal. To maim the diarrhea-stricken ass monkey who made those comments yesterday about Dooce. Then again, Leta could most definitely kick the Anonymous One's ass. The girl has access to a DVD player now, and she knows how to use it as a weapon!
I just want to say that aside from the first time I saw bare breasts, the births of my children and the first time I tasted Yoohoo, this is the greatest day of my life.
To have been quoted by Heather on Dooce is an honor I will cherish in the same way I treasure my Asst. Shift Supervisor and Fry Captain name tag from Carl's Jr. You can't see it, but I'm totally sobbing right now.
That is a scream. Do you know who Jones belongs to? Because I have a greyhound I would like to trade for him. Every picture I take of her looks like this...
That dog is huge. He's as big as Animal in that scene in 'The Muppet Movie' where he drinks the grow-potion and expands through the roof, scaring the living daylights out of Charles Durning and his gang. Love that movie. ;)
02.17.05 - 07:24 AM
95. Annejelynn said:
G'morning!
never made it in the first 100
did I make it?
Woaw, it looks like dubya after a few too many Shiners Bock. I mean, look at those eyes. Seriously.
02.17.05 - 07:26 AM
97. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Personally, "So Yesterday", I am very proud of my fellow dooceling Dr. Johnny Fever. Her undying devotion and constant flow of witty comments has finally paid off. Don't be a hater.
Yeah, you love me. Yeah, that's right. I control the whole f*****' world! So, back up, b!
02.17.05 - 07:35 AM
108. Dazed & Confuzed said:
Not being asleep at 7:30 AM? That's not insane. Wanna know what insane is? Insane is painting your toenails red so you can walk down the middle of the interstate, barefoot, with just a button-down shirt, a belt and a big viking helmet while singing Blondie's "The Tide Is High" and doing a little two-step every 40 seconds. THAT'S insane. (not that I'd know).
Yeah, So Yesterday. Don't be hatin' because Heather and I are like THIS [crossing fingers] and I'll have your punk ass demoted to I'mAnAssclown.com quicklike.
THANK GOD that wasn't a fish eye, because I really wasn't ready for dead fish eye at this hour. At least let me have a sip from my lunchtime flask first.
02.17.05 - 07:40 AM
117. So Just Messin' Withya said:
Prescribe yo'self a Chill Pill, Dr. JF. I ain't no hater.
so wait ... there's Chuck ... and then Jones. Chuck Jones? That's freaky. What's our terror aleart level?
02.17.05 - 07:45 AM
124. HowAmusing said:
lmao.
i love it.
02.17.05 - 07:46 AM
125. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Matt Damon is a cutie. And I must say that all true Red Sox fans have blonde hair, since I am the biggest fan there is. Ben Affleck is a fan, but I don't know how dedicated he really is.
02.17.05 - 07:51 AM
126. U.B. said:
MIIIISTAAAHHHH JOOOONEEESSS!!!!
Sorry, can't remember any of the other lyrics to that crappy song, but that's the first thing I thought of...
Did he lick the lens? Cuz my Polly would be lickin' everything in a tongue-reachin circumference. You just can't go wrong with dog pix, no matter how obscure, close-up, or crazy. You can, however, go wrong with Ben Affleck. And do I speak for a nation when I say, we do not ever need to see J.Lo and Marc Anthony perform a duet in Espanol, ever again?
That shot reminds me of my girls, when I'm trying to take a shot of...well, _anything or anyone_ else, but them. They suddenly "appear" in frame, with a grin or a smile or a "Look at me! Look at me!"
I tried to post earlier and it didn't work! Dammit!
I could'a been a contender!
02.17.05 - 07:57 AM
132. Matt in London said:
I love the name Jones for a dog, also the cats name in Alien if I remember correctly (and this pic takes one back to Alien in a way)...my dog was called Deefer (work it out)...well, made me laugh anyway....
Late posting today, bloody work conference call getting in the way....
That dream story...hehe.
So of course I'm gonna be a dork and tell about _my_ dream last night, in which I dreamed that I was dreaming (yes, a dream within a dream. I do that a lot) that Dooce, Jon, and Leta were passing through my little Texas town and stayed the night at my house. I was terribly embarrassed 'cause the house is such a wreck.
Sorry 'bout the mess, Heather!
And I wasn't allowed to call myself a real Red Sox fan until I threw up 4 times during the 2003 ALCS championship game 7. And then I named a cactus after Pedro. Actually I have plants named after several of the Sox. But recently I had to strangle that cactus. Because, DUDE, you can't show up LATE for every Sprint Training for Boston and come on time, nay, early for the Mets.
Asshole.
02.17.05 - 08:04 AM
142. chevy said:
but matt damon has brown hair.
02.17.05 - 08:05 AM
143. Echo said:
Classic :)
02.17.05 - 08:05 AM
144. Matt in London said:
I have only ever seen one baseball game in my life - in a bar in San Francisco... It was Redsox vs Yankees if I remember correctly...Red Sox lost...but I got drunk and had a good time...
dooce must have watched "Lost" right before bed. There was a poignant, and repeated, line about the Red Sox never winning the World Series.
Thanks for the scariest photo ever. I should have had my coffee first.
02.17.05 - 08:08 AM
149. heidi said:
just a quick comment about the crawling. one of my cousins (from a long line of aunts/uncle/cousins) crawled rather uniquely. no one prior to her or since (at least not in my aunt's or uncle's memories) 'crawled' like she did. my grandfather called it 'hitchin'.
it was the weirdest thing i ever saw...a cross between a crab and a baby gorilla. i don't know if she started mobilating later than her sibs, but no one was worried about developmental delays or when she would walk. she's all growed up now.
I am hoping for you that Leta resumes the 2 naps once the novelty of mobility wears off. I remember when my son started crawling he never wanted to nap because he just wanted to try crawling all. the. time.
Once she gets used to it she may decide she can go to sleep at least for a little while before, oh, I dunno, trying to scale the stove.
The front of my new t-shirt will read, "GEORGE! Ruff rectalage wiener poop OF FRANCE!!!!", and the back will read, "What *about* Matt Damon?" The shirt will be that purty blue-green color of the previous masthead. I might even put a few trolls on it, just because they're so cute when they get their panties all in a wad. Lastly, the shirt will optionally come in turtleneck format for those with extended necks.
02.17.05 - 08:20 AM
160. kc said:
I have so many photos with dog heads in them. Good times.
I don’t want to open what might have been a can of worms, but...what on earth happened here yesterday? Based on the few quotes, I surmise that I missed quite an event.
Amanda, I don't hate you because you're beautiful so I am certainly not going to hate you because you hate baseball.
Hey I never was taht into sports before, but now my house is a den of sports and I can't do a damn thing about it. If you can't beat em, join em. Besides it keeps the man outta my hair while I do this "weird ass blogging shit" as he calls it.
The Sox are special though. You'd probably have to live in Boston to appreciate it. The ultimate underdog, almost-ran, little engine that never could. It was seriously heartbreaking. That's the part I hate about sports. I mean when Thurman Thomas fumbled the ball in the Super Bowl in the 90s, and he held his head in his hands and cried, I cried too. And I don't even like football.
But now the Sox are just like any old team. That's why someone who loves me is paying $400 per seat to see them get their rings on opening day in Fenway Park, *while playing the Yankees*.
yeah what is with all that boy on boy ass slapping? They do it in the locker room to.
02.17.05 - 08:29 AM
167. another Jess said:
I have to agree, I was literally laughing out loud about Dr. JF's comment yesterday. Although on second read, I can't tell whether the BVDs are on a 10-year-old, or whether they are themselves ten years old. Well, it is ambiguity that makes great art, isn't it.
Also, Dr.JF I am intrigued by the fact that you've been called female and male, and did not clarify. Not that I'm asking you to. Part of the beauty of the Internet.
Girl A.- no, I think I'm the weirdo for not enjoying the sports. Or maybe I'm just being cranky because my pants are too short for the shoes I have on and my undershorts are being way to friendly with my special arrangement.
I can't look at that picture without feeling imaginary dog slobber all over my chin.
Weird.
02.17.05 - 08:35 AM
172. Lisa B said:
I hope, hope, hope that your little woman starts taking naps. Those are like a little slice of "sanity" for mommies. So I feel your pain.
Oh and on things that annoy you: Last night my dad said to me, "Its been so long since you've had to work, do you still KNOW how to do it?" I'm a stay-at-home mom of a child with Sensory Integration Dysfunction. My hubby is a work-a-holic who travels alot. Yeah. I'm a lady of leisure. I realized he had NO CLUE what my mom went through when she had 3 children under the age of 4 and stayed at home. Or when she went back to work when I was 9. I understand why she was always so unhappy and angry throughout most of our lives. I don't know HOW he doesn't have at least 10 pointy shoes shoved up his ass! What a self-absorbed asshole!
Motherhood can reduce the strongest woman to a quivering mass of tears some days. Whether you are a stay-at-home mom or working mom, it ain't easy. No wonder we're all so tired!
Just saying -- I can relate. And I can relate to you calling your hubby and saying "T-minus xx hours until I throw this baby at you."
lisa b - or maybe it's that perhaps your father was suggesting that working as in employment requires a different set of disciplines to the care of an infant and maybe familiarity and success with one doesn't imply the same with the other? maybe he wasn't insinuating a subversive "motherhood is easy" agenda?
Award for most entertaining use of a made-up word (so far today) goes to *heidi* (comment #149) for her use of MOBILATING.
02.17.05 - 08:43 AM
180. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Razz, I have to thank you for the turtleneck format for your nifty Dooce shirt. I am sure that is in homage to my comment yesterday about Dooce's and my long necks. My neck does have a tendency to get chilly. So now I can stay warm and look really fashionable. You really need to market that shirt. I would be the first customer.
It was at that very moment that Dooce realized that she was under attack from a pack of zombie dogs from Mars. The four-legged undead monsters craved brains like a Jersey girl craves hairspray. Being the smartest woman in all the land, the beasts followed the scent of her unusually potent grey matter to arrive here in the land of Jebus and UPPERCASE GOD at this moment. Dooce was cornered. Escape was just an afterthought now. Dooce cradled her beloved D70 to her chest and waited for the end. That's when Chuck sprang into action...
does Dooce tell us how to speak because she realizes she has that power over us? I mean, I know I'LL ask people "what about matt damon?" and then the follow up question will undoubtedly be "what does he have to do with the president? OF FRANCE!!!!"
02.17.05 - 08:56 AM
188. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Yeah, and she must have watched "The Medium", too. They mentioned Matt Damon. There was a girl on the show that gave a description of her attacker to the officer who draws the sketches of criminals, and the drawing ended up looking like Matt Damon.
I have so many photos like this where a random part of one of my dogs is blocking what I am really photographing. Glad to know it happens to the pros as well!
Isn't that just like a dog? I wish getting in the way of my pictures is all mine did. But nooooo, she likes to snatch steak and show everyone my used tampons.
No more Jones. I am skeered. I can almost hear the Grudge cat.
"Waaaoooow!!!"
02.17.05 - 09:10 AM
200. Alishia Hanson said:
Really, that is so weird about Matt Damon. I NEVER think about that guy. At least, not since my senior year in college when Good Will Hunting came out. And then today, TODAY, as I'm staying home sick in my bed from excessive puking last night, I am aimlessly looking up whatever my googly fancy and who pops into my head: MATT Freaking DAMON. And then I roll on over to here and what do I see: you're too blonde and MATT Freaking DAMON. "The world is too much with us."
PS: in my search I'm privy to this info: just announced The Bourne Ultimatum. Give me a break! and I cannot wait!
1. Is Matt Damon really THAT blond?
2. I thought it was the other one, Ben 'no from JLo, yes from JGarner' Affleck, who was the big Red Sox fan.
3. Why would you be a Red Sox fan if you are in Utah? Is it cause you don't have a baseball team there? May I suggest starting up a team call the Salt Lake Sinners, or conversely, the Salt Lake Saints. Too obvious?
4. Shouldn't the true nightmare be concerned with a more timely sort of sport like the NHL? I think they might be more antagonistic towards blonds.
I once had a dream about Matt Damon. I call it the female equivalent to a wet dream. You might know the type, ladies. It's the one where the guy is taking really good care of you and threatening other people who are mean to you by flexing whatever muscles he might have or slaying them with witty comments like "HOW YOU LIKE 'DEM APPLES?". Where you are their everything-- that kind of dream. Which, later, when you're telling your significant other about said dream, translates into "I got my humpjuice all over Matt Damon in a dream last night."
I still haven't lived that dream down. It happen years ago. Every time he comes on the TV, Toby Joe is all, "Your boyfriend is on t.v. Are you horny now?"
You shouldn't have mentioned anything, Heather. It's all down hill from here. However, you'll be heading south with Matt Damon, so that can't be too bad, right?
Matt Damon is one of the yummiest humans I've ever seen. He's so yummy I'd date Ben Affleck just to get nearer to Matt.
Oh, and Heather Poo, Matt's usually in the press box when he goes to Red Sox games--which is whenever he can--because he's not as big a media whore as Ben. I know because I'm generally tempted to jump on the subway into Fenway and stalk him.
An eighth grade teacher I know was once talking to his students about Good Will Hunting and the whole Ben/Matt issue. This girl then said, "you are either a Matt person or a Ben person", and apparently, we're Matt people.
02.17.05 - 09:32 AM
210. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Mmmmm, Humpjuice, Matt Damon, Johnny Damon... This conversation is getting exciting. (Johnny Damon does have a really bad mullet. And he sort of looks like a Neanderthal. But he plays really good baseball!) And what about Matt Damon? He has really nice apples.
Girl A, only $400 per ticket? He's getting off easy. I know people who have paid that for opening day tickets that didn't involve the Yankees or rings. And GODDAMN, that's going to be sweet.
Dooce is totally missing the boat on the whole merch thing. One lil button on the front page, and she could be making buckets of money selling swag. How funny would it be - and you know this would happen! - to be walking down the street wearing a t-shirt that said "FIRST!!!" and have someone come up to you and say "You read her, too? Isn't she awesome?"
Just sayin'.
02.17.05 - 09:37 AM
215. Squish said:
It's a still shot from "The Omen V: Dweebisis lives"
02.17.05 - 09:38 AM
216. Cate said:
Salt Lake does have a baseball team, just not major league (I guess, but I really don't know much about baseball) - the Salt Lake Buzz. I've never been to a game, but I drive past the stadium a lot.
“you are either a Matt person or a Ben personâ€
I used to be a Ben person... pre-Pearl Harbor when he was just one of the Kevin Smith jerkys. Then he went all Bennifer and I've come to my senses. Do you think he's dating Jennifer Garner just so he can still be Bennifer? omg.
Meanwhile Matt went all Bourne and OH. MAH. GAH! 'nuff said
02.17.05 - 09:42 AM
219. GMM said:
Can you put a video link so we can watch Leta crawl? That would be SO COOL.
Jones: OK lady look, I know you have the good stuff and you're going to give it to me right now. Matt Damon told me you have the good stuff and he don't tell no lies. I don't want no more crap. Give me quality now. Look, if you don't give it up right now, I'm going to do something, something really bad. You don't want to test me. Do I look like I'm kidding? OK, you asked for it...say your prayers Nikon D70...
02.17.05 - 09:45 AM
221. Squish said:
Dr. Freud would say Heather is dreaming about that awful Dweebisis chick...Debbie. She has a baseball message board and she is a "super" Yankee fan, even though she doesn't live anywhere near NYC.
Debbie, you're not very genuine. When you say those awful, uneducated things about Leta, you make me really mad. I feel sorry for you, and will try to remember you in my prayers, because I think that you have totally lost your mind.
02.17.05 - 09:51 AM
222. U.B. said:
Hmmm, I can see Brad Pitt or other hunky boys causing humpjuice dreams. But I always thought both Matt and Ben were pretty average looking guys?? But I may be too hetero to really judge other men...
One thing is for sure -- Matt is definitely putting out waaaay better movies. Even though the Bourne stuff doesn't follow the books very well, they're pretty dang entertaining movies.
02.17.05 - 09:51 AM
223. Squish said:
Sorry to dredge up yesterday's news, but I just woke up from a long winter's nap.
02.17.05 - 09:52 AM
224. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Striz, I love those skits on SNL, too. I love how they are always saying everything is "wicked". My family is from Connecticut and everything was always "wicked cool" and "wicked ugly". I think wicked is the New England version of "very". I think Matt Damon is wicked hot!
02.17.05 - 09:53 AM
225. ashik said:
I wonder what the Mormon Authority thinks about Matt Damon.... What about UPPERCASE GOD? I bet he is proud that he made Matt Damon so purty ... wait, if Matt Damon was made in him image, DOES THAT MEAN THAT UPPERCASE GOD LOOKS LIKE MATT DAMON?
Can't stop thinking about the kind of swag that could be sold at Salt Lake Buzz games . . .
"First 500 ticketholders through the gate receive a complimentary Taser M26 . . . buzz your favorite umpire!"
"Why sing the national anthem when you can catch a seventh-inning buzz?"
02.17.05 - 09:57 AM
227. ashbetty said:
My god. You are so right! What about Matt Damon?
02.17.05 - 09:59 AM
228. victoria said:
There's a pattern in the troll comments that have appeared recently on dooce.com.
First, the person attacks Heather's appearance or sexual attractiveness:
a. "no one wants to go muff diving on someone who hasnt' taken a shower"
b. "you're just another skinny woman with no tits or ass"
c. "I love to see a masculine looking woman trying to be all chic"
Second, the person (it HAS to be the same one) attacks Heather's parenting:
a. she has "potty mouth"
b. her post-partum depression will lead her to kill all her kids
c. she's ignoring the fact that her child is autistic.
What my fellow doocelings don't pick up on is that these childish attacks on Heather's considerable beauty are ALWAYS paired with self-avowed "serious," high-minded parenting "advice" (that is really just intended to make Heather feel bad).
Doocelings typically just react to the hypocritical attacks disguised as parenting advice -- apparently not noticing that this insane, delusional commenter can't stop herself from saying, despite all the photographic evidence to the contrary, that Heather is unattractive.
What's going on is obvious: this poster can't bear the fact that Heather is young, thin, gorgeous, talented, adored by many doocelings AND her husband and beautiful baby. So she posts these ridiculous "you're ugly and a bad mother" comments.
To me, the "you're ugly" statements that are inevitably included in this person's comments (she seems to have some sort of compulsion on this subject) simply show that she has completely lost touch with reality. The commenter discredits her "advice" by always pairing it with these infantile attacks.
I think you're totally on, Victoria. I noticed that, too. "You're ugly, and you suck," is what it comes down to.
Sooooo mature.
02.17.05 - 10:08 AM
234. dewi said:
If the nap is gone, you must hire a baby-sitter two or three times a week for a few hours. I am serious, find the money! A babysitter is for your mental health and a known remedy to keep you from getting overwhelmed or upping the medication into zombie hood. The “free time†gives you a little breather and perspective. Mothering full-time is the hardest job you will ever have and babysitters are a perk that comes with the job. Take advantage of this job benefit for you own sanity.
haters, we figured you out. now hie thee to a blog with *dumber* acolytes.
02.17.05 - 10:11 AM
237. Squish said:
Victoria, you're right. I think they are the same, deeply disturbed person. Dweebisis used to troll on a baseball message board I visited regulary. She is a very sick person. I do feel sorry for her.
Couldn't Dooce block her IP address? If she could, and doesn't, it's a tribute to Heather.
You're right too, Mrs. Strizzay. We should just forget about it, but I didn't read that person's comments until just now, and they upset me.
Lisa B., you can add one of my oh-so pointy-toed leather boots right up his bung hole too! #11!! --when I read what he said to you, made me want to totally bitch-slap yer dad up and down, around the corner! I'm sure you love your dad, but I concurr - what an ass.
yessirreebob - Matt Damon is wicked hot. I love his grin.
Matt Damon is one of the very few celebrities I ever dream about nailing! him and Jude Law...
02.17.05 - 10:16 AM
242. ashbetty said:
ashik,
your questions about Matt Damon and UPPERCASE GOD are really very thought provoking, but I'd like to bring up an important point about dream analysis. Experts say that everyone in your dream is really you. Does that mean that dooce is really Matt Damon!? The mind boggles!
02.17.05 - 10:19 AM
243. Michael said:
Dear God I hope that Matt Damon finds this website and somehow ends up in Utah and it becomes the next Project Greenlight and we can all go to our local theatre and see Leta on the big screen.
02.17.05 - 10:19 AM
244. Michael said:
Today's Quiz:
What is the movie called and what is the plot? (predicated on my last post)
Has me thinking now... Who else is there?
Matt Damon, Jude Law, Orlando Bloom as "Legolas" (omghy), Brad Pitt (only once when he was in "Legends of the Fall" - that movie turned me to a blubbering mass), and ahhhh (who else, who else is there), and Paul Rudd. Now that's movie-type celebrities. If you wanna count 'rock-stars'??? I don't know where to begin.
ah, yes! Johnny Depp too is in there...yet that dream (or two) happened when I was in H.S., while "Edward Scissorhands" was out...and no, he was not in his scissors attire during my dreamt escapade.
1. Ali said:
Scariest Picture EVER.
2. Kathleen said:
Ack!
3. Kimberly said:
I love it! Never commented but couldn't resist...
Thanks Dooce, for keepin' it real.
4. Carolynne said:
scary!
5. Brooke said:
Weimerainer?
6. bignik said:
BOO!
7. MLE said:
I wonder whats behind Jones?
8. cranberrigirl said:
So funny. It reminds me of my sister. Always in the friggen way.
9. KelliAmanda said:
That pic kinda freaked me out. Cool, though!
10. minxlj said:
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW cute eyes
11. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
His eyes are mesmerizing!
12. Monica said:
That is some freaky shit.
13. Laura said:
Extreme close up!
(and top 10 comment ... woo hoo)
14. coolia said:
eek!
15. David said:
scary!
16. yanayana said:
Oh sorry, thought you said cookie...
17. beautifulmess said:
could be a shot out of a horror picture.
18. Effie said:
I see you!!!!
Big blue eyes!
19. Brenda said:
I think he's a cutie.
Here puppy, puppy, puppy!
20. Gry said:
YIKES!
I can practically smell the dogbreath from here..
21. Courtney said:
is that a weim?
22. andre said:
Wet nose on the lens!
23. minxlj said:
heehee that's going to make me smile all day. It's like he was "ooh a Nikon D70 - let's have a look then'. Well, that's what I'd do... :-D
24. GEORGE! said:
TOP FRIGGIN 25
25. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
I like those blue sneakers in the background. And the two heads sticking out from behind the dog.
26. pismire said:
The Grudge? Now I'll have nightmares. For weeks.
27. Alison said:
Is that you and Leta in the background? Muddy park aka a crawling heaven?
28. minxlj said:
heehee that's going to make me smile all day. It's like he was "ooh a Nikon D70 - let's have a look then'. Well, that's what I'd do... :-D
29. abc said:
I think Jones is looking into my soul.
30. dänika said:
yeowza!
31. Shelby said:
HOLY CRAP! That has to be the scariest thing I've ever seen! LOL
32. VDOprincess said:
What is it with dogs and having to investigate every new and shiny electronic toy they see? Kinda like men that way...
33. becca said:
::laughs:: No one's noticed this totally looks like that scene in "The Grudge"; where the evil zombie woman gets up in the camera and all you can see are creepy eyes... JONES IS GOING TO KILL YOU.
34. Gooooder said:
did anyone else watch westminster! it's great!
tomorrow is chuck friday!
WOOT.
35. Emma said:
He's very cute, but what's going on in the background!
36. karinka said:
that's kinda freaky. it sort of reminds me of the part in "the grudge" when the dead japanese woman gets all up in the security camera. thanks for reducing me again to the rocking thumb-sucker i was after that movie.
37. Michelle said:
Strange INTERNETS...today I see the truth - I mean, numbers! Wow - I feel privileged.
And great photo, too - wonderful focus on the head-tops behind the pup. My pup likes to lick the camera lens if I get too close - eeewwww!
38. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
"He got in the way"?
Uh oh. We know what happens when someone "gets in the way."
39. Moxie said:
I See Treatless People.
40. Jenie said:
Aaack! Scary!!
41. Susannah said:
VDOprincess...that is a VERY accurate observation. And it makes me giggle just a little!
42. Dawn said:
I am intrigued as to how you got hold of a copy of the pic of me that was taken 12 hours after my son was born - or is it just an overwhelming resemblance!
43. Em said:
Heh, that makes me dizzy.
44. minxlj said:
LOL I just remembered! When my fiance moved into his (then) house I went out to inspect the back garden. Through a hole in the 6ft fence (the hole was about 5ft up) I saw a pair of eyes exactly like that staring at me. It was the next door neighbour's weimaraner!!!!!!!!
I nearly 'shit ma britches!'
45. Wicked H said:
Jonesy, what BIG eyes you have...
46. StarGazer said:
Yikes.
47. minxlj said:
His hypnotic powers are starting already - he made my comment appear twice with 2 minutes difference when I only posted once!
*Cue Twilight Zone music*
48. Southern Fried Girl said:
Jesus, that scared the shit out of me. WTF is that dog doing?
49. abbey said:
i like the person's shoes on the upper left corner..
50. spoonleg said:
the funniest part is the little heads in the background, all ready to pose for the camera. then the dog's all, whoops no ya don't SUCKAS.
51. ashik said:
Took a while to figure out that this is not my worst nightmare somehow captured on blurbodoocery's magical camera. you know, how when you've had a vivid dream and you want to describe it, and you wish you could draw it, but it just can't be taken out of your imagination and given a physical, representational shape? But you did it. i hope that made sense.
52. Samantha said:
LOOK INTO MY EYES
53. vmc said:
Classic dog shot, reminds me of my hound and his desire to be front and center all the time.
54. Susie said:
That's a view that every dog owner has seen at least once upon waking. I love it. So very doglike, dogfull, doggish. "What is that? Can I eat it? I'll sniff it first . . . " Good dog.
55. koof said:
that dog will haunt my dreams. thanks a lot.
56. cathi said:
All's you need is a fake finger pointing up to recreate the "ET phone home" scene.
57. heidillydoo said:
Awww sweet sweet puppy. And I see little heads in the background. Cute!
58. TulsaOkie said:
Wow nice phot, I love Weimaraner's. They are such gorgeous dogs!
PS. Most babies do the painful crab walk but Leta is talented because she can do it backwards!
59. Chris From Ohio said:
Duh dum. Duuuuh dum. Duuuuuh dum duuuh dum duuuh dum DUH DUH DUM! ::wanders off humming Jaws music::
60. Closet Metro said:
I like Jones. He made me smile.
61. taryn said:
Jones. We can see into his soul.
62. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
Is that a seal?
63. geeekgirl said:
I see Vans.
64. Linda said:
Now that was spooky!!
65. Dazed & Confuzed said:
Aw...how sweet. A little closeup from Area 51. HI MOM!
66. Effie said:
OK--so I'm stupid--not blue eyes, I typed it and then posted it and looked again--definitely not blue.
Whatever the case may be--kinda spooky!
67. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
I have a new goal in life. That is to be quoted by Dooce. Oh, and another goal. To maim the diarrhea-stricken ass monkey who made those comments yesterday about Dooce. Then again, Leta could most definitely kick the Anonymous One's ass. The girl has access to a DVD player now, and she knows how to use it as a weapon!
68. kristine said:
Who ever said it, The Grudge. That's EXACTLY what it reminded me of.
I'm still torn between the Digital Rebel and the Nikon D70
---Torn Between twoooooo lovers.
Which one do I get?
69. boxing octopus said:
i think jones is autistic. he has all the markers.
70. Colleen from NJ said:
Spoooooooooooky Jones.
71. Spurious Plum said:
You are getting sleepy...sleeeeeepy.....
72. ashik said:
The little closeup of Creepy Dog looks like a half moon. Just thought I'd share
73. Colleen from NJ said:
Jones' self portrait?
74. Melanie S. said:
Sometimes the best pictures are the ones you aren't expecting to take! Fantastic!
He's got pretty green eyes like my Bevo does.
75. GOD said:
ME DAMN girl! That pictured scared the brown treats out of me!
76. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Oh yeah, because autistic dogs have that glazed look in their eyes.
77. stella said:
I've said it before and I'll say it again: dooce, you are motherfucking awesome!
everday I like what I read so I go clickity click on your ads.
78. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
The thumbnail of Jones's eye looked more like a fish egg to me.
79. Jeni said:
Awwww...he wanted your attention. LOL Cute pic!
80. Mary said:
I'm a loser. I took a shower, lost track of time, and now I bet I don't even make the top 100. sadness
81. Jo said:
That. Is. BRILLIANT.
82. August95 said:
All my pictures have random dog heads in them.
83. Susie said:
Katie bbaw, THAT'S funny. Yea, get that dog an evaluation already, wouldja?!!!! Poor, neglected Jones, whose parents exploit him on the internet.
84. Michelle Brady said:
Those *eyes*, those yellow *eyes*...
That is a terrifying picture. Simply terrifying.
85. laura said:
can we see the rest of him?
86. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
I just want to say that aside from the first time I saw bare breasts, the births of my children and the first time I tasted Yoohoo, this is the greatest day of my life.
To have been quoted by Heather on Dooce is an honor I will cherish in the same way I treasure my Asst. Shift Supervisor and Fry Captain name tag from Carl's Jr. You can't see it, but I'm totally sobbing right now.
87. Dee said:
That's kinda scary.
88. BJT said:
Hee! I love it.
89. spoonleg said:
I think chris from ohio is a non-verbal autistic ninja. get help, dude.
90. coffeegirl said:
That is a scream. Do you know who Jones belongs to? Because I have a greyhound I would like to trade for him. Every picture I take of her looks like this...
http://coffeegirlstudios.com/photos/?album=casa021305&img=09
...because she's a prissy bitch and refuses to look at the camera.
Sigh.
91. Dang Cold.. said:
Katie-be-bored..fish egg indeed little Nemo with the lucky fin perhaps?
92. So Yesterday said:
Simma down now, Dr. JF. You're only as good as last your comment. What have you done for dooce LATELY?
93. So Dyslexic said:
I meant to say, "your last comment." DOH!!!!
94. emily said:
That dog is huge. He's as big as Animal in that scene in 'The Muppet Movie' where he drinks the grow-potion and expands through the roof, scaring the living daylights out of Charles Durning and his gang. Love that movie. ;)
95. Annejelynn said:
G'morning!
never made it in the first 100
did I make it?
96. baristablogiste said:
Woaw, it looks like dubya after a few too many Shiners Bock. I mean, look at those eyes. Seriously.
97. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Personally, "So Yesterday", I am very proud of my fellow dooceling Dr. Johnny Fever. Her undying devotion and constant flow of witty comments has finally paid off. Don't be a hater.
98. Ern said:
Wow, top 100?
Getting up to go to the gym in the morning pays off after all!
99. taryn said:
OK, now I have that weird old song in my head:
And then along came Jones
Tall, thin Jones
Slow-walkin' Jones
(Slow-talkin' Jones)
Along came long-legged, lanky Jones
100. Katrina said:
Scawy. vewy vewy scawy.
I think I wet myself...
101. Creepy Susie said:
reminds me of Blair Witch Project - 'cept he's not so scared jusy nosy.
mornin y'all!
102. cathi said:
Breaking News
Words from our leader: "You didn't raise your hand."
Note - not speaking to elementary students
103. leslie said:
masterful shot
104. greenthumb said:
so like a weimaraner...I know...I belong to one. It's all about them, 100% of the time.
105. Honey Bunny said:
that's freaktastic!
106. christilee said:
Does anyone ever sleep? 103 comments at 7:30am. Insane.
107. disurbonce said:
Yeah, you love me. Yeah, that's right. I control the whole f*****' world! So, back up, b!
108. Dazed & Confuzed said:
Not being asleep at 7:30 AM? That's not insane. Wanna know what insane is? Insane is painting your toenails red so you can walk down the middle of the interstate, barefoot, with just a button-down shirt, a belt and a big viking helmet while singing Blondie's "The Tide Is High" and doing a little two-step every 40 seconds. THAT'S insane. (not that I'd know).
109. liminalspace said:
my father's name is jones... while he's a generally quiet guy, there are times when the man does indeed just get in the (my) way.
110. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
Yeah, So Yesterday. Don't be hatin' because Heather and I are like THIS [crossing fingers] and I'll have your punk ass demoted to I'mAnAssclown.com quicklike.
111. The other Paula said:
The eyes! The eyes!
p.s. the comments are numbered now?cool.
112. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
D&C -- Yeah, it's really the red toenails that put that outfit over the top.
113. Ern said:
You gotta remember, cristilee, that these posers are not out west like you and I, so it ain't so early for them.
114. Kassi said:
That seriously freaks me out to look at. Your dog is possessed.
115. Anita said:
That picture totally makes me laugh out loud.
116. MonoCerdo said:
THANK GOD that wasn't a fish eye, because I really wasn't ready for dead fish eye at this hour. At least let me have a sip from my lunchtime flask first.
117. So Just Messin' Withya said:
Prescribe yo'self a Chill Pill, Dr. JF. I ain't no hater.
118. Dang Cold.. said:
Tell it like it is Ern!!
10:40am
119. Not everyone lives in your timezone said:
Christilee...
;)
120. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
WWMDD -- What Would Matt Damon Do?
121. hannah said:
oy! scaryness.
but cute, now my heart has stopped racing.
122. Dazed & Confuzed said:
WWJD (for a Klondyke bar?)
123. adam said:
so wait ... there's Chuck ... and then Jones. Chuck Jones? That's freaky. What's our terror aleart level?
124. HowAmusing said:
lmao.
i love it.
125. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Matt Damon is a cutie. And I must say that all true Red Sox fans have blonde hair, since I am the biggest fan there is. Ben Affleck is a fan, but I don't know how dedicated he really is.
126. U.B. said:
MIIIISTAAAHHHH JOOOONEEESSS!!!!
Sorry, can't remember any of the other lyrics to that crappy song, but that's the first thing I thought of...
127. Jennifer in Kansas City said:
Did he lick the lens? Cuz my Polly would be lickin' everything in a tongue-reachin circumference. You just can't go wrong with dog pix, no matter how obscure, close-up, or crazy. You can, however, go wrong with Ben Affleck. And do I speak for a nation when I say, we do not ever need to see J.Lo and Marc Anthony perform a duet in Espanol, ever again?
128. Lauren said:
I looove Dr. Johhny Fever. I've been in love with him since the mid 70's.
129. Susan said:
He makes what's happening behind him all the more mysterious and all the more frustrating that We. Can't. See. It! It's so effective.
130. LadyBug said:
That shot reminds me of my girls, when I'm trying to take a shot of...well, _anything or anyone_ else, but them. They suddenly "appear" in frame, with a grin or a smile or a "Look at me! Look at me!"
131. Lisa S said:
I tried to post earlier and it didn't work! Dammit!
I could'a been a contender!
132. Matt in London said:
I love the name Jones for a dog, also the cats name in Alien if I remember correctly (and this pic takes one back to Alien in a way)...my dog was called Deefer (work it out)...well, made me laugh anyway....
Late posting today, bloody work conference call getting in the way....
133. LadyBug said:
That dream story...hehe.
So of course I'm gonna be a dork and tell about _my_ dream last night, in which I dreamed that I was dreaming (yes, a dream within a dream. I do that a lot) that Dooce, Jon, and Leta were passing through my little Texas town and stayed the night at my house. I was terribly embarrassed 'cause the house is such a wreck.
Sorry 'bout the mess, Heather!
134. StarGazer said:
"And do I speak for a nation when I say, we do not ever need to see J.Lo and Marc Anthony perform a duet in Espanol, ever again?"
Oy. I don't know about the nation but you can definitely include ME in that sentiment.
135. Kim said:
In case you were wondering, my husband has the same Vans the feet in the back corner are wearing. Except his don't look as clean.
(And Seth Cohen from The O.C. has them too. Another fact I know you were DYING to know)
136. LadyBug said:
Also,
*said in my best Cameron Fry voice, again*
Dr. J, Trance, and Bucky...you're my heroes.
137. eddo said:
I love those dogs!
138. Markalope said:
Nice and all, but what about Matt Damon?
139. ashik said:
Meeeeee and Mrs. Jonees
We got a thiiiiiiiiiing going on
We both know that it's wrong
But it's much too strong
To. Let. It. go. now.
140. ashik said:
sorry
141. Girl.A said:
What about Matt Damon (Loki)??
What about Johnny Damon (Jesus)!
And I wasn't allowed to call myself a real Red Sox fan until I threw up 4 times during the 2003 ALCS championship game 7. And then I named a cactus after Pedro. Actually I have plants named after several of the Sox. But recently I had to strangle that cactus. Because, DUDE, you can't show up LATE for every Sprint Training for Boston and come on time, nay, early for the Mets.
Asshole.
142. chevy said:
but matt damon has brown hair.
143. Echo said:
Classic :)
144. Matt in London said:
I have only ever seen one baseball game in my life - in a bar in San Francisco... It was Redsox vs Yankees if I remember correctly...Red Sox lost...but I got drunk and had a good time...
145. beckythefirst said:
i don't know why this makes me laugh so hard. but it does.
146. ashik said:
Meeeeeeee
aaaaaaaand
MRS
MRS
Jones
Mrs Jones Mrs Jones Mrs Joooones
147. Mojo said:
Anyone see project Runway last night?
148. calsmama said:
dooce must have watched "Lost" right before bed. There was a poignant, and repeated, line about the Red Sox never winning the World Series.
Thanks for the scariest photo ever. I should have had my coffee first.
149. heidi said:
just a quick comment about the crawling. one of my cousins (from a long line of aunts/uncle/cousins) crawled rather uniquely. no one prior to her or since (at least not in my aunt's or uncle's memories) 'crawled' like she did. my grandfather called it 'hitchin'.
it was the weirdest thing i ever saw...a cross between a crab and a baby gorilla. i don't know if she started mobilating later than her sibs, but no one was worried about developmental delays or when she would walk. she's all growed up now.
150. JulieT said:
That dog is thinking "dammit, I'm onto you Heather. I know you've gotta be doing SOMETHING with all these pictures you're taking."
Ruff.
151. Jason said:
Love those Vans in the background.
152. AyEnDeeAreEeAyAitch said:
Mmmmm...Matt Damon.
153. Sissychong said:
Jeez, everybody wants their fifteen minutes of fame!
154. annabelle said:
Some great little entries from H. Armstrong the past couple of days- am feeling gratified. Thanks.
155. Mrs.Strizzay said:
ET phone home
156. Amanda B. said:
At the risk of being lightly killed, I have to say I hate baseball. Don't get it. I do enjoy all the boy on boy ass slapping though.
157. christy said:
I am hoping for you that Leta resumes the 2 naps once the novelty of mobility wears off. I remember when my son started crawling he never wanted to nap because he just wanted to try crawling all. the. time.
Once she gets used to it she may decide she can go to sleep at least for a little while before, oh, I dunno, trying to scale the stove.
158. Claude said:
If that dog could talk, of course he'd be saying:
"What about Matt Damon?"
159. RazDreams said:
The front of my new t-shirt will read, "GEORGE! Ruff rectalage wiener poop OF FRANCE!!!!", and the back will read, "What *about* Matt Damon?" The shirt will be that purty blue-green color of the previous masthead. I might even put a few trolls on it, just because they're so cute when they get their panties all in a wad. Lastly, the shirt will optionally come in turtleneck format for those with extended necks.
160. kc said:
I have so many photos with dog heads in them. Good times.
I don’t want to open what might have been a can of worms, but...what on earth happened here yesterday? Based on the few quotes, I surmise that I missed quite an event.
161. Girl.A said:
Amanda, I don't hate you because you're beautiful so I am certainly not going to hate you because you hate baseball.
Hey I never was taht into sports before, but now my house is a den of sports and I can't do a damn thing about it. If you can't beat em, join em. Besides it keeps the man outta my hair while I do this "weird ass blogging shit" as he calls it.
The Sox are special though. You'd probably have to live in Boston to appreciate it. The ultimate underdog, almost-ran, little engine that never could. It was seriously heartbreaking. That's the part I hate about sports. I mean when Thurman Thomas fumbled the ball in the Super Bowl in the 90s, and he held his head in his hands and cried, I cried too. And I don't even like football.
But now the Sox are just like any old team. That's why someone who loves me is paying $400 per seat to see them get their rings on opening day in Fenway Park, *while playing the Yankees*.
Ok, I got that outta my system. Thank you.
162. Kimberly said:
Hey! You got your Daily Oliver in my Dooce!
163. Girl From Ipanema said:
I can't even make eye contact with that picture...I have to kinda look "around" it...S.C.A.R.Y!
164. Becky said:
Freaky Deaky!
165. Nomad said:
That's freaky in that someone-is-looking-out-of-your-monitor kind of way. Maybe not the best analogy but who said I had to be queen of analogies?
166. Mrs.Strizzay said:
yeah what is with all that boy on boy ass slapping? They do it in the locker room to.
167. another Jess said:
I have to agree, I was literally laughing out loud about Dr. JF's comment yesterday. Although on second read, I can't tell whether the BVDs are on a 10-year-old, or whether they are themselves ten years old. Well, it is ambiguity that makes great art, isn't it.
Also, Dr.JF I am intrigued by the fact that you've been called female and male, and did not clarify. Not that I'm asking you to. Part of the beauty of the Internet.
OK, ramble over.
168. kristine said:
i broke the curse.
Come to think of it, my hair at the time wasn't as blonde as it is now.
There might be some connection, but Matt Damon had nothing to do with it...my hair that is.
169. Amanda B. said:
Girl A.- no, I think I'm the weirdo for not enjoying the sports. Or maybe I'm just being cranky because my pants are too short for the shoes I have on and my undershorts are being way to friendly with my special arrangement.
170. Lavanotes said:
lol I see hair in the back. Silly puppy.
171. Sherri said:
I can't look at that picture without feeling imaginary dog slobber all over my chin.
Weird.
172. Lisa B said:
I hope, hope, hope that your little woman starts taking naps. Those are like a little slice of "sanity" for mommies. So I feel your pain.
Oh and on things that annoy you: Last night my dad said to me, "Its been so long since you've had to work, do you still KNOW how to do it?" I'm a stay-at-home mom of a child with Sensory Integration Dysfunction. My hubby is a work-a-holic who travels alot. Yeah. I'm a lady of leisure. I realized he had NO CLUE what my mom went through when she had 3 children under the age of 4 and stayed at home. Or when she went back to work when I was 9. I understand why she was always so unhappy and angry throughout most of our lives. I don't know HOW he doesn't have at least 10 pointy shoes shoved up his ass! What a self-absorbed asshole!
Motherhood can reduce the strongest woman to a quivering mass of tears some days. Whether you are a stay-at-home mom or working mom, it ain't easy. No wonder we're all so tired!
Just saying -- I can relate. And I can relate to you calling your hubby and saying "T-minus xx hours until I throw this baby at you."
173. love everybody. said:
this photo made me say "fuck".
174. romy said:
i'm not a true redhead ... i wonder which team's fan section i'll be kicked out of?
great picture. :)
175. mihow said:
"this photo made me say 'fuck'."
Read something entirely different at first.
176. henry said:
lisa b - or maybe it's that perhaps your father was suggesting that working as in employment requires a different set of disciplines to the care of an infant and maybe familiarity and success with one doesn't imply the same with the other? maybe he wasn't insinuating a subversive "motherhood is easy" agenda?
177. love everybody. said:
..what?
this photo made me...fuck?
178. roberta said:
I thought I was at Daily Oliver for a minute!
179. LadyBug said:
Award for most entertaining use of a made-up word (so far today) goes to *heidi* (comment #149) for her use of MOBILATING.
180. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Razz, I have to thank you for the turtleneck format for your nifty Dooce shirt. I am sure that is in homage to my comment yesterday about Dooce's and my long necks. My neck does have a tendency to get chilly. So now I can stay warm and look really fashionable. You really need to market that shirt. I would be the first customer.
181. Terri said:
ooooh Very Scarey!
Yet I can't stop staring at him!
182. Big Gay Sam said:
*Dr. Johnny Fever:* "I want to thank all the little people. You know elves, fairies, gnomes, the little people."
183. Cate said:
Admit it, Dooce - you watched Lost last night! Why else would have had a dream about the Red Sox?
184. LadyBug said:
*Big Gay Sam* - Don't forget the trolls.
185. Nancy M said:
That dog at first glance looks like an alien
186. Scott said:
It was at that very moment that Dooce realized that she was under attack from a pack of zombie dogs from Mars. The four-legged undead monsters craved brains like a Jersey girl craves hairspray. Being the smartest woman in all the land, the beasts followed the scent of her unusually potent grey matter to arrive here in the land of Jebus and UPPERCASE GOD at this moment. Dooce was cornered. Escape was just an afterthought now. Dooce cradled her beloved D70 to her chest and waited for the end. That's when Chuck sprang into action...
187. Michael said:
does Dooce tell us how to speak because she realizes she has that power over us? I mean, I know I'LL ask people "what about matt damon?" and then the follow up question will undoubtedly be "what does he have to do with the president? OF FRANCE!!!!"
188. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Yeah, and she must have watched "The Medium", too. They mentioned Matt Damon. There was a girl on the show that gave a description of her attacker to the officer who draws the sketches of criminals, and the drawing ended up looking like Matt Damon.
189. Keith said:
But what I want to know is... who is that back there with their head positioned so it looks like they're milking the dog?
190. Cate's belly said:
“Who in their right mind would take a job that required you to work 12 hour days every day of the week with no vacation and no pay?â€
Right.
Having recently achieved 30-something this is what I spend a lot of time thinking about.
The answer so far is: not me.
Leta is a high-quality kid, but your honesty the last couple of years have really made me think that motherhood is not my game.
Which of course means you're a superstar.
191. K E N N Y said:
But... what about Matt Damon?
192. Peter Hentges said:
There's something going on here
But you don't know what it is
Do you,
Mr. Jones?
193. Trance said:
That photo wants to eat someone's soul, I just know it.
194. Cheryl said:
Matt Damon, huh? Oh yeah... OF FRANCE!
195. Carrie said:
I have so many photos like this where a random part of one of my dogs is blocking what I am really photographing. Glad to know it happens to the pros as well!
196. kat said:
I perked up when I read "matt damon." Albeit, I have teeny tiny crush. My husband is okay with it though. I love the color of Jones' eyes.
197. becaru said:
Jones! Are you advocating for Jones Thursdays?
198. Claire said:
Isn't that just like a dog? I wish getting in the way of my pictures is all mine did. But nooooo, she likes to snatch steak and show everyone my used tampons.
199. Trance said:
No more Jones. I am skeered. I can almost hear the Grudge cat.
"Waaaoooow!!!"
200. Alishia Hanson said:
Really, that is so weird about Matt Damon. I NEVER think about that guy. At least, not since my senior year in college when Good Will Hunting came out. And then today, TODAY, as I'm staying home sick in my bed from excessive puking last night, I am aimlessly looking up whatever my googly fancy and who pops into my head: MATT Freaking DAMON. And then I roll on over to here and what do I see: you're too blonde and MATT Freaking DAMON. "The world is too much with us."
PS: in my search I'm privy to this info: just announced The Bourne Ultimatum. Give me a break! and I cannot wait!
201. CanadianAmy said:
I love weird dreams.
202. Heather Poo said:
1. Is Matt Damon really THAT blond?
2. I thought it was the other one, Ben 'no from JLo, yes from JGarner' Affleck, who was the big Red Sox fan.
3. Why would you be a Red Sox fan if you are in Utah? Is it cause you don't have a baseball team there? May I suggest starting up a team call the Salt Lake Sinners, or conversely, the Salt Lake Saints. Too obvious?
4. Shouldn't the true nightmare be concerned with a more timely sort of sport like the NHL? I think they might be more antagonistic towards blonds.
203. mihow said:
I once had a dream about Matt Damon. I call it the female equivalent to a wet dream. You might know the type, ladies. It's the one where the guy is taking really good care of you and threatening other people who are mean to you by flexing whatever muscles he might have or slaying them with witty comments like "HOW YOU LIKE 'DEM APPLES?". Where you are their everything-- that kind of dream. Which, later, when you're telling your significant other about said dream, translates into "I got my humpjuice all over Matt Damon in a dream last night."
I still haven't lived that dream down. It happen years ago. Every time he comes on the TV, Toby Joe is all, "Your boyfriend is on t.v. Are you horny now?"
You shouldn't have mentioned anything, Heather. It's all down hill from here. However, you'll be heading south with Matt Damon, so that can't be too bad, right?
204. Nick said:
Great photograph, good colouring, and 200 odd very interesting comments.
205. cathi said:
humpjuice - hehe
206. Mark Johnson said:
Outtake from auditions for remake of Children of the Corn.
Skehwee.
207. Susannah said:
I think the word of the day should be "humpjuice" That just made me spit Dr. Pepper out my nose. Ouch.
208. Mark Johnson said:
Oh, I almost forgot . . .
Just as a reminder:
Johnny Damon is a Red Sox MVP with a really bad mullet.
Matt Damon is an Oscar winner with a really great line:
"You like apples?"
"Yeah."
"Oh yeah? Well. I got her numbah. How d'ya like them apples?"
209. Courtney said:
Matt Damon is one of the yummiest humans I've ever seen. He's so yummy I'd date Ben Affleck just to get nearer to Matt.
Oh, and Heather Poo, Matt's usually in the press box when he goes to Red Sox games--which is whenever he can--because he's not as big a media whore as Ben. I know because I'm generally tempted to jump on the subway into Fenway and stalk him.
An eighth grade teacher I know was once talking to his students about Good Will Hunting and the whole Ben/Matt issue. This girl then said, "you are either a Matt person or a Ben person", and apparently, we're Matt people.
210. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Mmmmm, Humpjuice, Matt Damon, Johnny Damon... This conversation is getting exciting. (Johnny Damon does have a really bad mullet. And he sort of looks like a Neanderthal. But he plays really good baseball!) And what about Matt Damon? He has really nice apples.
211. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Baaaaawstin
I love the SNL skits were the kids from Baaawstin are always humping and making out.
No.. You aaare
212. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Matt Damn so totally broke up Bennifer. He told everyone about the stripper. Now he is like Barner.
213. Courtney said:
Girl A, only $400 per ticket? He's getting off easy. I know people who have paid that for opening day tickets that didn't involve the Yankees or rings. And GODDAMN, that's going to be sweet.
214. Nilbo said:
Dooce is totally missing the boat on the whole merch thing. One lil button on the front page, and she could be making buckets of money selling swag. How funny would it be - and you know this would happen! - to be walking down the street wearing a t-shirt that said "FIRST!!!" and have someone come up to you and say "You read her, too? Isn't she awesome?"
Just sayin'.
215. Squish said:
It's a still shot from "The Omen V: Dweebisis lives"
216. Cate said:
Salt Lake does have a baseball team, just not major league (I guess, but I really don't know much about baseball) - the Salt Lake Buzz. I've never been to a game, but I drive past the stadium a lot.
217. Nilbo said:
Of course, I'd also buy a T-shirt with a half-gone Altoid on it and the words "No Sugar in the Sugar-pot" ... but hey, that's just me.
218. StarGazer said:
“you are either a Matt person or a Ben personâ€
I used to be a Ben person... pre-Pearl Harbor when he was just one of the Kevin Smith jerkys. Then he went all Bennifer and I've come to my senses. Do you think he's dating Jennifer Garner just so he can still be Bennifer? omg.
Meanwhile Matt went all Bourne and OH. MAH. GAH! 'nuff said
219. GMM said:
Can you put a video link so we can watch Leta crawl? That would be SO COOL.
220. Katrina said:
Jones looks like he is Jones'en for something.
Jones: OK lady look, I know you have the good stuff and you're going to give it to me right now. Matt Damon told me you have the good stuff and he don't tell no lies. I don't want no more crap. Give me quality now. Look, if you don't give it up right now, I'm going to do something, something really bad. You don't want to test me. Do I look like I'm kidding? OK, you asked for it...say your prayers Nikon D70...
221. Squish said:
Dr. Freud would say Heather is dreaming about that awful Dweebisis chick...Debbie. She has a baseball message board and she is a "super" Yankee fan, even though she doesn't live anywhere near NYC.
Debbie, you're not very genuine. When you say those awful, uneducated things about Leta, you make me really mad. I feel sorry for you, and will try to remember you in my prayers, because I think that you have totally lost your mind.
222. U.B. said:
Hmmm, I can see Brad Pitt or other hunky boys causing humpjuice dreams. But I always thought both Matt and Ben were pretty average looking guys?? But I may be too hetero to really judge other men...
One thing is for sure -- Matt is definitely putting out waaaay better movies. Even though the Bourne stuff doesn't follow the books very well, they're pretty dang entertaining movies.
223. Squish said:
Sorry to dredge up yesterday's news, but I just woke up from a long winter's nap.
224. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Striz, I love those skits on SNL, too. I love how they are always saying everything is "wicked". My family is from Connecticut and everything was always "wicked cool" and "wicked ugly". I think wicked is the New England version of "very". I think Matt Damon is wicked hot!
225. ashik said:
I wonder what the Mormon Authority thinks about Matt Damon.... What about UPPERCASE GOD? I bet he is proud that he made Matt Damon so purty ... wait, if Matt Damon was made in him image, DOES THAT MEAN THAT UPPERCASE GOD LOOKS LIKE MATT DAMON?
226. Mark Johnson said:
Can't stop thinking about the kind of swag that could be sold at Salt Lake Buzz games . . .
"First 500 ticketholders through the gate receive a complimentary Taser M26 . . . buzz your favorite umpire!"
"Why sing the national anthem when you can catch a seventh-inning buzz?"
227. ashbetty said:
My god. You are so right! What about Matt Damon?
228. victoria said:
There's a pattern in the troll comments that have appeared recently on dooce.com.
First, the person attacks Heather's appearance or sexual attractiveness:
a. "no one wants to go muff diving on someone who hasnt' taken a shower"
b. "you're just another skinny woman with no tits or ass"
c. "I love to see a masculine looking woman trying to be all chic"
Second, the person (it HAS to be the same one) attacks Heather's parenting:
a. she has "potty mouth"
b. her post-partum depression will lead her to kill all her kids
c. she's ignoring the fact that her child is autistic.
What my fellow doocelings don't pick up on is that these childish attacks on Heather's considerable beauty are ALWAYS paired with self-avowed "serious," high-minded parenting "advice" (that is really just intended to make Heather feel bad).
Doocelings typically just react to the hypocritical attacks disguised as parenting advice -- apparently not noticing that this insane, delusional commenter can't stop herself from saying, despite all the photographic evidence to the contrary, that Heather is unattractive.
What's going on is obvious: this poster can't bear the fact that Heather is young, thin, gorgeous, talented, adored by many doocelings AND her husband and beautiful baby. So she posts these ridiculous "you're ugly and a bad mother" comments.
To me, the "you're ugly" statements that are inevitably included in this person's comments (she seems to have some sort of compulsion on this subject) simply show that she has completely lost touch with reality. The commenter discredits her "advice" by always pairing it with these infantile attacks.
Am I right?
229. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Tell me you got that on tape!!!
Personally I think Matt Damon looks a bit boyish. I want a man baby. Although, he does have nice pecs. Hmmmm.
230. Jessica Raab said:
Comment #162 is THE BEST.
I need my daily Oliver alongside of my daily Dooce--- and today they totally crossed over from separate continents.
What about Matt Damon? Last night I don't know what I was dreaming, but I yelled at my husband: "WHY DOES IT COST $30?!?!"
that is all.
231. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Personally I would have been happy not to have to read that crap all over again. But thats just me.
232. karinka said:
seriously, dooce, if you sold t-shirts and buttons and crap like that, i'd be all over it like white on rice!
233. Trance said:
I think you're totally on, Victoria. I noticed that, too. "You're ugly, and you suck," is what it comes down to.
Sooooo mature.
234. dewi said:
If the nap is gone, you must hire a baby-sitter two or three times a week for a few hours. I am serious, find the money! A babysitter is for your mental health and a known remedy to keep you from getting overwhelmed or upping the medication into zombie hood. The “free time†gives you a little breather and perspective. Mothering full-time is the hardest job you will ever have and babysitters are a perk that comes with the job. Take advantage of this job benefit for you own sanity.
235. Trance said:
I'll bet the poster is a 400-pound, cross-eyed, slobbering, acne-ridden, balding hermaphrodite with no teeth.
236. A N N A said:
EXCELLENT analysis, victoria. i totally concur.
haters, we figured you out. now hie thee to a blog with *dumber* acolytes.
237. Squish said:
Victoria, you're right. I think they are the same, deeply disturbed person. Dweebisis used to troll on a baseball message board I visited regulary. She is a very sick person. I do feel sorry for her.
Couldn't Dooce block her IP address? If she could, and doesn't, it's a tribute to Heather.
You're right too, Mrs. Strizzay. We should just forget about it, but I didn't read that person's comments until just now, and they upset me.
238. Annejelynn said:
Referring to Lisa B at 09:35AM, 02.17.2005,
Lisa B., you can add one of my oh-so pointy-toed leather boots right up his bung hole too! #11!! --when I read what he said to you, made me want to totally bitch-slap yer dad up and down, around the corner! I'm sure you love your dad, but I concurr - what an ass.
239. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Now, Trance, we don't want to lump all the hermaphrodites together.
Or maybe we do. And we want to film it.
Lemme get back to you on that.
240. Trance said:
That might make us a few bucks.
I'll buy the beer.
241. Annejelynn said:
yessirreebob - Matt Damon is wicked hot. I love his grin.
Matt Damon is one of the very few celebrities I ever dream about nailing! him and Jude Law...
242. ashbetty said:
ashik,
your questions about Matt Damon and UPPERCASE GOD are really very thought provoking, but I'd like to bring up an important point about dream analysis. Experts say that everyone in your dream is really you. Does that mean that dooce is really Matt Damon!? The mind boggles!
243. Michael said:
Dear God I hope that Matt Damon finds this website and somehow ends up in Utah and it becomes the next Project Greenlight and we can all go to our local theatre and see Leta on the big screen.
244. Michael said:
Today's Quiz:
What is the movie called and what is the plot? (predicated on my last post)
245. Annejelynn said:
Has me thinking now... Who else is there?
Matt Damon, Jude Law, Orlando Bloom as "Legolas" (omghy), Brad Pitt (only once when he was in "Legends of the Fall" - that movie turned me to a blubbering mass), and ahhhh (who else, who else is there), and Paul Rudd. Now that's movie-type celebrities. If you wanna count 'rock-stars'??? I don't know where to begin.
246. Trance said:
Annejelynn, I love Jude Law, too. Mmmmmmm.
247. Trance said:
Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow.
248. Annejelynn said:
Jude Law is delicious.
249. ashik said:
what is daily oliver?
250. Annejelynn said:
ah, yes! Johnny Depp too is in there...yet that dream (or two) happened when I was in H.S., while "Edward Scissorhands" was out...and no, he was not in his scissors attire during my dreamt escapade.
251. Mitch said:
I'm sure all he's doing is looking for food in the camera...or perhaps Matt Damon.
252. Annejelynn said:
yes, someone shed some light on this for ashik and me too -- what is daily oliver?
253. Gordon said:
Dog: "Lady, what did I tell you? NO PICTURES!"
254. ashik said:
So, ashbetty, really, it's: What about Dooce?
255. cat said:
I'm skerred.
And I loves me some Matt Damon. I don't care! I DON'T CARE! I TOTALLY DO!
Mmmmmm.... Ooooooh, Maaaaaaaatt Daaaaaamon...
Sorry, those instantaneous Matt Damon orgasms can be a little distracting.
256. Trance said:
I never got into Matt Damon.
Too short-looking, if that makes any sense.
257. ashik said:
Yes, but he has girth to him.
hee hee
258. Trance said:
Heh.
259. cat, to Mihow said:
And Mihow?
Girls TOTALLY have wet dreams. It's AWESOME! (Shhhhh: Just don't tell the guys; they think they're exclusive...)