Deer
He could hear the mailman walking over from next door which means TREAT IS WALKING OVER TO OUR HOUSE. TREAT. TREAT. JUST GIVE ME THE FUCKING TREAT.
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
1. ben said:
Kumquat!
2. laura copeland said:
FIRST!
3. Ali said:
Kiwi? Banana? Name a fruit?
4. Rachel said:
That's one intent Chuck.
5. Lou said:
Happy Chuck Friday!
6. Erin said:
I love that fireplace.
7. Brenda said:
Cute!
8. Sarah in the Azores said:
Wow, what a stare.
9. Heather said:
Chuck is so very regal looking!
10. nichole said:
woof!
11. p-hawk said:
Look at all those books!
12. Eleni said:
just wanted to say did you all see this article??
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6949377/
yay dooce!!! =) Wait until it gets put into Websters
13. Toren said:
I FREAKIN LOVE CHUCK FRIDAYS! HE IS SUCH A STUD!
14. sak said:
you're playing charades, right?
15. vio said:
hahahahaha. that's all i have to say. so hilarious.
my dogs do that when they see a raccoon in a tree. i always hope it'll pee on their heads or something, just for my own amusement.
16. Toren said:
Don't know if anyone realized, but the ads on the site today are for Mormon comic books and Missions. Bet Heather is stoked about that one!
17. stacey said:
whoa, that toy that leta has? in the back? where you pull the little shapes along the different tracks?
i totally had one of those when i was little.
also: <3 chuck.
18. Candice said:
I just want to add my voices to the others that have complimented the awesome shelving around your fireplace. :D
19. Gooooder said:
i do not think i have ever made here with less than 10 comments.
oh well.
at least it is CHUCK FRIDAY.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!
20. Susannah said:
My dog does the SAME thing everytime I go through the drive-thru teller at the bank because they always give her a treat. Its just amazing what they can learn so quickly.
And I have to also say that those are just fabulous built-ins around your fireplace. They're gorgeous!
21. Splurge said:
Oooo! 17th!
22. The Wife said:
Chuck is just too damn cute. TREAT!
23. Gordon said:
Eleni,
I saw heather's name (just a blurb unfournately) and that article during my regular read of the Post, though I am sad the reporter didn't interview the lady that started it all! :)
24. Mouse said:
Pipil sey I luk lak 1 leetil dir 2 Shuck. Thiy tra 2 pet antlirs an me andd win I necked thim aff thiy putt spats en myy bak andd sed ther Mos naw yew R 1 bebe dir!
25. Gooooder said:
i like the thumbnail of the toy.
26. Sarah said:
Ah...the bliss that is Chuck Friday. Friday just couldn't come fast enough this week, but the gazillion comments here at Dooce due to her HUGE FAME have helped. A lot.
Happy Friday, Dorklings!
27. Carolynne said:
My dog gets the same face when she sees the mailman. I swear she gets more excited about him coming to the door than me coming home from work. Maybe I should start carrying treats in my purse.
28. gwen said:
My parent's dog has been known to jump into the mail truck he's so excited to get a treat!
29. The Wife said:
MOuse! Yea!
30. mg2 said:
Dear Diary,
I'm sorry for all of those hateful, racist things I said about you. Everything has changed, I'm in love. This is no crush. I feel like I'm wildly out of control in a toboggan of passion sliding down an icy mountain of Laird, headed toward a giant Oak tree of denial. I've never been so happy! Something you would never understand, you dirty, dirty Jew diary.
-Jerri Blank
31. RazDreams said:
Ruff...
(you know, this was fun before i was a "groupie." hope dooce doesn't get too big for us little folks who were here before the frenzy.)
32. shellibells said:
You mailman gives him a fucken treat? Damn!!! I can barely get my mail, nevermind TREATS!!
33. Fran said:
It looks like somebody pooka-ed Chuck. Who did that?
34. Julia said:
My thought was, he's probably not waiting for Godot. Too intent for that.
35. Dazed & Confuzed said:
Chuck is ready for his close-up now, Mr. DeMille...er...I mean, Ms. Armstrong.
BTW, I can't wait for "Dooce - The Cartoon" that probably should be coming to a prime-time-after-the-kiddies-have-gone-to-bed near you. Wouldn't that just kick ass and take names?
36. Lauren Stranahan said:
I'm in the car one day and I say, "Wow, that dog looks like Chuck." And my husband says, "Who's Chuck?" So I give him a look and say "Dooce's Chuck." And he goes, "Dooce's .. who..?" Then I say, "I bet you don't even know who GEORGE! is either."
37. Jenie said:
That's what the Project Runway designers forgot in the postal uniforms: a place for dog treats!!
So glad to see Chuck and know it's Friday!!
38. RazDreams said:
chuck's got himself a choker chain. "ruf-gaaag!!!" :(
39. ap said:
you realize that Leta is growing up with the CUTEST DOG IN THE WORLD, don't you?? you've ruined her for all other dogs! no other dog she's ever going to have is going to appear to young and smooth, no matter how old he gets...
40. Dazed & Confuzed said:
Oh..and mg2 - LOVE the Jerri Blank reference.
41. Susannah said:
Lauren--wouldn't life be incomplete eithout Dooce, Chuck and GEORGE!
42. The Author f/k/a Fish said:
Wasn't me, Frannikins.
*Fish looks furtively over his shoulder*
43. Gooooder said:
I havent seen anything about GEORGE! on here for days. Or a comment by GEORGE! He must be real busy.
44. Wicked H said:
Happy Chuck Friday!
it's treat-a-lishus....
45. Katrina said:
YAY Chuck Friday!
46. The Author f/k/a Fish said:
Heather, can I come and play with Leta's toys?
... and Leta too, that is.
47. RazDreams said:
Gooooder: GEORGE! was here yesterday. He said he missed the twins real bad.
48. Susan said:
Wow! Your mailman gives treats? That's one fine mailman!
49. amelia said:
Not a dooce cartoon, but a show on the lines of Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman! Anyone remember that?
50. CanadianAmy said:
Chuck looks a little bit like he has a glass eye.
51. Kristen said:
As a former casual carrier for the postal service I can tell you that I liked the dogs who liked mail carriers. One dog, well, a puppy really, tried to get in the truck a few times (it was a posh neighborhood and we'd pull into their driveways - the loooong driveways) after continually dropping a tennis ball at my feet indicating that he wanted to play catch. The dogs that didn't like me (I wasn't in uniform but had to carry the bag - the bag meant I was EVIL in some dogs eyes) REALLY didn't like me. I'm glad Chuck approves of the mail carrier.
52. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Look at the regal Chuckles. He reminds me of an Egyptian goddess, with that long slender neck. I can almost hear "Walk like an Egyptian" and see Chuck doing that little gyrating dance.
I love that toy in the background. They always have those things in doctor's offices. For some reason, I am always compelled to play with it. I always take our 3 1/2 year old to the doctor with me, just so there is an excuse for me to play with that thing.
53. Anita said:
He does totally look like a deer in that picture!!
54. Library Girl said:
Chuck is so frickin' cute!!!
55. keepergirl said:
what a handsome dog!
56. Chris said:
Man, I hadn't realized it was Friday. Thanks, Chuck!
57. Karen Rani said:
OMG our Ruffy girl has supersonic hearing too! Except our mailman is a complete asshole and torments her so she would love to get ahold of his nutsac I'm sure.
Great pic!
58. Peter Hentges said:
I work third shift and have been sick all week besides. I completely lost track of the days and forgot that it was Chuck Friday! What a lovely surprise! RUFF!
59. beckythefirst said:
i'm too busy noticing the fireplace & bookshelves in the background. i. want. your. living. room!
60. LadyBug said:
He looks like a bird dog holding a point.
"He's a bird-dog." Anyone remember that song?
Happy Friday fellow dorks!
61. Jennifer in Kansas City said:
I love when dogs are on ORANGE alert and ready, in any given moment, to move to RED ALERT! Treats, squirrels, burglars, fake-knocking-by-silly-dog-owners, you know, it could be anything. Dogs are VIGILANT!
Yay! Friday!
62. Torie said:
Dooce,
you changed your something about your site; I can actually see the pictures without disabling my Internet Security stuff. That's so exciting.
63. Sherri said:
Chuck is such a handsome fella.
And I like your bookcases!
64. Jenny said:
TGICF! (Thank god it's CHUCK FRIDAY!)
Speaking of treats (if it's not too much advertising for another blog) I made some super simple, but SUPER YUMMY treats last night and posted the recipe and pics.
Unfortunately they are chocolate, so not a treat that Chuck would enjoy....
65. brando said:
Eeg! More like velociraptor! Look at those eyes! a. psycho b. botox
How long was that piece of food left on his nose the other day?
66. gingermog said:
Who called you a money grubbing ho? I have my sleeves rolled up for a fight on your defense. I think your lovely and you have every right to make some money out of your wonderful site, especially as so many of us visit each day heavily using up your bandwidth. Also you gave last months money from the ad's to the Tsunami Disaster fund proving you a very generous person.
67. Sarah Grace said:
Your fireplace makes me hot. Really.
ha, ha.
68. kristine said:
Yay for FRIDAY!! FRIDAY. FUCKING FRIDAY!
69. Amanda B. said:
ChuckPooka!
I seeeeee you Minky!
70. Libraryhill said:
Chuck Friday!!!
71. stillheidi said:
I don't know who I get more excited about GEORGE! or CHUCK!
72. becaru said:
Earth to Chuck...
73. beckythefirst said:
you guys, i don't think the mailman gives treats - i think the mailman IS the treat.
74. Robyn said:
Oh my FUCKING GOSH! Guess who's picture is on Washingtonpost.com???
Guess! GUESS!
Gee, Heather. I didn't you were screwing up your daughter's life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so pissed off right now I think I can spit.
75. christy said:
mmm ... for your birthday, I caught you a delicious mailman.
76. mihow said:
Fury much, Robyn?
77. Maddie's Mom said:
I totally forgot it was Friday until I saw Chuck! Alright!
Makes me miss my dog. I swear, he looks like my greyhound. Are you sure he isn't part greyhound?
78. Robyn said:
I'm an idiot. Plain stupid.
Well, they sort of looked like you.....
Still, very interesting read.
79. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
I am saddened to hear of your demise. Yes, Heather, that was a poor choice of words on the part of that journalist. Someone should send the author of that article a thesaurus.
And yes, you do seem to be causing an international sensation. Everyone seems to know who Dooce is now!
80. mg2 said:
Extra, extra read all about it: Jerri Blank pops STIFFIE! -Jerri Blank
81. annabelle said:
I'm left wanting more.
82. Shawna said:
Does Chuck still consider Leta to be his treat as well?
83. Mrs.Strizzay said:
TGICF
84. Em said:
HA! Chuck makes me laugh. Hope you have a great happy weekend in Utah.
85. hannah said:
I'm glad to see the letter got there. I'm also sorry to hear about your untimely death. I actually swear my uni's newspaper doesn't have an editorial team, or at least they don't have a picky enough one.
86. lola said:
demise doesn't just mean death but the end of something.....like a career?
87. Jodi who blogs said:
That is too cute! He looks like he is going to run at any second.
88. michele said:
There's another article on the Washington Post website that mentions Dooce.com and the trials and tribulations of blogging.
89. SuMMer said:
Chcuk is one alert--but studly--mofo! My dog does the same exact thing whenever anyone breaths in the direction of our door. I'm oddly craving 'peanut butter balls', whatever they may be. This is the 2nd day in a row that they've been advertised on this here website, and it's all your fault if they start popping up in my dreams. :-)
90. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Wow, you must use Clinique to get such a rosy post mortem glow.
91. Pissy Britches said:
Chuck is such a handsome man..Have you ever let him get him some poochie luvin?
92. Carrs said:
i love chuck fridays, thanks heather
he also kind of looks like he might be undergoing a puppy prostate exam
congrats on all the attention and success!
93. red said:
enjoy the attention -- you are worth it. we all think you're fabulous!
94. Melanie S. said:
Chuck, your are one cute dog! Come visit cousin George and while you're here, come meet our dogs. (We have treats!!)
95. Theatre Mom said:
Jerri Blank!
I'm rivoted... I can't believe I've NEVER heard of this... I just googled and I'm feeling like an uber-dork for missing out! Unfortunately this didn't make it to Canadian cable, at least not in my world.
Thanks mg2 for clueing me in, I'm on a mission to hunt down the DVD of season one.
Oh yeah, Chuck looks fab today too.
96. Dale Cruse said:
First! No? *rolls eyes*
97. Gooooder said:
eventual demise.
bwahahahaa.
98. Laurie said:
Wow, look at his eyes. It's like he is thinking "what was that? Was that a treat I hear?"
99. Kassi said:
He looks like he might be just about to launch himself at the door.
100. Stacey said:
Oh look, Laura Copeland jumped the gun on being first! LMAO
101. Scott said:
I think Chuck may just be a stuffed life sized action figure of a dog with fully poseable limbs and a kung-fu grip. Anyone with me on this?
102. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Go to this site: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A15511-2005Feb10.html?sub=new
They even use the term "dooced" as the finale to the article! Before you know it, "dooced" will be added to Webster's.
103. RazDreams said:
OH! I get it now. "It's terribly hot down here." I thought for a few minutes that it was, um, hot "down there" where the disease was, you know, itchy DOWN THERE, itchy and hot...
But you mean, it's hot down there in hell. Where your soul is rotting, amen. Got it. Whatta dork I am.
104. AyEnDeeAreEeAyAitch said:
I love that Chuck!
105. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Demise means an untimely end, Lola, but the author of that article didn't use the term correctly. He should have said "the demise of her career". He said "her demise". He used demise to describe Heather, not the job. Total retard.
106. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
I just read what I wrote. I meant that the author is a total retard, not you Lola! Ugh, I am a 'tard!
107. sweetney said:
this photo can also be seen in the oxford english dictionary beside the definition of the word "taut."
108. shmallowsdad said:
Amazingly, my daughter has the same look on her face. But that's cuz she's watching Dora.
109. La Pixiatrix said:
Yeah Dooce, I guess it was your "demise" - out of the having-to-put-up-with-the-nasty-boss working world. Poor you.
Leta may scream more often than your old boss, but she is a much more deserving boss, don't you think?
lol
110. Sarah said:
I'm definitely feeling burning sensations and am extremely uncomfortable.
It must be spreading!
Be afraid...be very afraid...doocilitis is coming!
111. Girl.A said:
The british press is famously over-the-top melodramatic about everything.
Except, perhaps for The Economist.
112. mg2 said:
J.B. gives good B.J. Signed, J.B. -Jerri Blank
113. SpuriousPlum said:
Bug eyes…Dialated pupils… Yep, there’s definitely food involved.
What a handsome Chuck-a-luck.
114. closet metro said:
Strizzay - TUCGICF
115. Dr. Laura's Worst Nightmare said:
Like Torie of the 8:15am post, I too am viewing your page on my laptop without messing with Norton. Es milagro!
I will, however, miss messing around with Norton, that sexy thing.
Heather, now that you're dead, I plan to channel your spirit via Ouija Board at our next Purse Party. We'll present your ghost with the fake Marc Jacobs 'Stella' bag.
116. Andrea in Canada said:
Now THAT'S a dog who is on the ball!:)And a handsome one at that...look at that stature!
Happy Chuck Friday Armstrongs and everyone.
117. RazDreams said:
pavlov
http://nobelprize.org/medicine/educational/pavlov/readmore.html
118. Evil Stepmother said:
Dooce: Killed for this Website in 2002
Dooce: From the GRAVE
Dooce: Highly contagious, may cause itching and burning
Happy Chuck Friday! Does the mailman bring a treat, or is he the treat? Or are you a bad Dog Mama who lets her dog, like, eat junk mail and the Dog Protective Services should take him ASAP because you are selfish and only have a dog to have anecdotes for your website?
119. Mary said:
I was thinking the same thing as shellibells (waaay up there somewhere): Your mailman gives TREATS?? My mailman folds things in half that say "DO NOT BEND" and tosses my packages up the stairs at me. Which, unfortunately, is an improvement on my last mail carrier, who once decided I had moved (not sure why, she just decided) and returned all my mail to senders. So really: Lucky, lucky you. And LUCKY CHUCK!! RUFF!
120. Alena said:
Wow.. I can't get over that super-intense stare of Chuck's. I can practically feel him quivering from here. Just look at how wide his eyes are!
And mailmen give treats? Really? Is this everywhere, or just in more rural/suburban areas?
121. Carrie said:
Oh how I love Chuck Fridays! WOOF!!
122. Girl.A said:
DOOCE A.D.
(after demise)
123. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Metro : WTFDUJATM?
124. moose said:
Metro, Striz: WTFAYTTAA?
125. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Metro: NMIFIO
126. anonymous said:
He looks like he's stuffed:).
127. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Moose: SUWUASLNGT
128. carolina said:
Chuck is awesome! btw, your bookcases are great!
129. closet metro said:
TUCGICF - Thank Upper Case God It's Chuck Friday.
130. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Yea Heather, you have a LOT of wood in your house. Very Amish-esque. Kinda scary.
131. Uppercase GOD said:
CLOSET METRO, THIS IS GOD.
YOU ARE WELCOME.
THAT IS ALL.
132. brit said:
Well, you maybe dead, but your still fucking funny.
133. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Metro did you not see my NMIFIO reply? Helloooooo
134. The Author f/k/a Fish said:
Strizz: NYMPHO response?
135. closet metro said:
Wow, Uppercase GOD, speaking directly to me. I feel so, well, hungry, actually, since I haven't eaten anything yet today. But also renewed in my faith and all of that crap too. Thanks Uppercase GOD.
136. closet metro said:
Strizz - what is NMIFIO?
need more insurance for incriminating oral?
now my inner foot itches owie?
137. GOD's PR flack said:
GOD's been updating his customer service department to give better, individualized customer service during this lenten season.
No one really liked the celestial voice mail, anyway
138. The Monkey said:
Nine Monkeys Itching Friends' Inner Orifices
139. Jaime said:
At first when I read the google ad for Mormon such and such...I read "An open forum for Mormons seeking LSD"
I giggled and reread the sentence, and it wasn't nearly as funny. :(
140. Gooooder said:
GirlA -
Dooce A.D.
so clever, i laughed out loud.
woot to chuck friday
141. kim said:
The mailman gives him treats EVERY DAY? I can't help but wonder if he didn't have a horrible dog experience at some point, so he bribes them all to behave or something.
My parents' dog doesn't react to the mailman. However, he does get all excited at the bank (which always gives dog treats) and the drive-thru Starbucks (who does give dog treats, although not every time). I'm sure that he thinks that this is actually the point of such windows, to spoil him repeatedly, as many times as a human is willing to drive him around.
142. Courtney said:
I would say you are less of a disease and more of a rapidly speading new drug. It's great all the good feelings and none of the smack kick backs.
143. moose said:
WTFAYTTA
WTF Are You Two Talking About?
SUWUASLNGT
Six Undereducated Wiseacres Undulating Assininely Simply Love Never Giving Thought?
144. kat said:
hey you're in the post!
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A15511-2005Feb10.html
145. Gooooder said:
dooce is everywhere
146. Cristin said:
The Author, Metro, GirlA and Mrs.s, you guys cracked me up today.
Thanks. I needed that.
147. L'aura said:
Let's just say....it's a bong ~Jerri Blank
148. Alison said:
As a Limey, the British press I wouldn't say over the top, unless its the tabloids or people who obviously don't know the meaning of words. Have you ever read the Times? The Telegraph? Believe me, there's nothing melodramatic about extensions of the establishment.
Anyway, am so so so sooooo happy! It seems that I can finally access the pictures on here again, after a long hiatus. No viewing to be had in Firefox or IE. What did you do? Whatever, the pictures are back! In celebration, I've just gone through the archives. Overall impression: CUTE!
149. moose said:
I never realized Chuck's neck was so loooong. Chuck's cousin: http://tinyurl.com/6rztt
150. leslie in pa said:
Same here with the images alison! I am so happy I no longer have to shut my Norton's firewall off to view the images!
Makes me want to hump my monitor!!
Thanks Dooce!
151. chahn said:
Heh. Chuck has the same look that my dogs had last night when a bit of birthday cake hit the kitchen floor. They aren't allowed in the kitchen so they just sat there staring at it until the cat waltzed in and ate it.
152. andreabt said:
I can see pictures again! Whatever you did to change it, THANK YOU!!!
153. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Listen Metro, YMBPGATBTIEWIS MMkay
Yes Fish you got that right. My poor poor husband. *smirk*
154. eddo said:
Heather, I love chuckles so much I want to steal him! However, I am also in LOVE with your Fireplace, if you could take a series of fireplace pictures from different angles, and lighting- with fire, w/o fire etc. Then I would really appreciate it. I have one picture of chuckles in lights and the fireplace is in teh background and I LOVE IT!!! I would have bought your house just for the Fireplace.
Sorry to hear that you are dead.
155. Mrs.Strizzay said:
The sad thing is by the time I look back at my "word" I forgot what the hell it even says.
156. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
Don't listen to those dipshit Biritsh journalists, Heather. They all have bad teeth and drink warm beer.
157. Nathan Logan said:
Sheesh, this place is hopping these days. I guess that's what happens when you're a good writer with an astute sense of humor...
Anyway, I thought you may want to see another article regarding your site...
http://thriveweekly.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20050118/THRIVE0501/5...
I pointed the writer in your direction and he really likes your site now. It paid off for me because he also mentioned my blog in there (traffic has increased .002%). The beauty of the article? It's NOT ABOUT YOU LOSING YOUR JOB _and_ it mentions you being a SAHM. Not bad.
By the way, although I coded the backend of that site, I take ZERO responsibility for its design.
158. Nathan Logan said:
Oh yeah, and my blog is mentioned BEFORE YOURS in the story! EAT IT!
;)
159. Zach said:
You see, there in lies the bitch about google ads. You bring up "Jesus", "Mormon", or fucking the "Mother Marry" and BAM! A big fucking advertisement for LDSPLANET.COM is on your site.
160. Zach said:
8====D
^ Look I made an ascii penis.
I rule.
161. Mrs.Strizzay said:
I bet LDSPlanet is way less fun than Blackplanet
162. Mrs.Strizzay said:
I titled my latest Blentry WWUCGD? (what would upper case god do?) and when I spell checked it wanted me to use the word WICKED instead.
163. Megan said:
Dooce, I think you should a version of "Cribs" on your place - everyone wants to know what your house looks like.
164. Camille said:
My son has that same toy that's in the background/thumbnail, he loves it.
165. Girl.A said:
In our year 3 Dooce A.D. ...
It's geh'in hah' in heeyah
So take awf all yo cloze.
166. The Monkey said:
I'm already naked!
167. Girl.A said:
You're *always* nekked, Minkey.
168. Mrs.Strizzay said:
I am gettin so hot I wanna take my clothes oooffff
169. Mrs.Strizzay said:
But I am sober, and fat, so I won't
170. jules said:
you know heather, i just arrived in london this morning and i haven't heard a thing about your demise..but i'll keep my ears open and lay the smack down for ya!
(:3
171. Fahrvergnugen said:
My house has the same kind of set-up with a fireplace flanked by built-in bookcases, with little sqare windows above them, and twin sconce lights above the fireplace. I bet our houses were built around the same time period. Mid 1920s? Your pre-renovation kitchen had a similar cut to its jib as the kitchen in my house, too.
172. mg2 said:
did somebody say naked?
173. The Monkey said:
Not when Manda makes me wear that sling on my minkey bits, i'm not.
Baaaad Minkey.
174. Girl.A said:
You mean this sling, Minkey?
http://tinyurl.com/3wd5o
Someone once tried to get me to wear it too, but I don't have the bits to fill it.
175. closet metro said:
Gir.A - My favorite line is their fine print "Larger quantities for some items may be arranged"
How large is it?
176. Gooooder said:
must be george! commented when i was taking a break and i was too lazy to look through since there were so many yesterday and day before.
hrmph.
177. Tammy said:
will. not. catch. me. in. a. bakini. ever.
(and society's better off, lemme tell ya)
He's a puppy who looks like he needs a cookie. It's the stare.
178. Gooooder said:
has anyone seen the cribs with ty law?
amazing.
his hammock breaks!!
dooce, if you have a cribs episode, make sure your hammock is secure if you have one!
ahahaha
179. Relentless Christian Amber said:
Oh, yes, Gooooder. I laughed my tush off.
I always look forward to Chuck Friday! Happy Chuck Friday! TGICF!
Dooce, you must be really talented, writing after death and all.
180. Gooooder said:
My hammock DONE BROKE!
ahahaha
181. StarGazer said:
Happy Chuck Friday!!
182. beckythefirst said:
has anyone noticed the google ads on the front page? they're both about farts. FARTS!
183. cursingmama said:
Is it wrong to be ignoring Chuck and admiring the fireplace and woodwork? Because it is soo awesome!
184. Robyn said:
Out of curiousity, I went to google and put in "dooce".
446,000 hits.
185. Nathan Logan said:
I've seen the fireplace before, but you're right cursingmama, that wall bookshelf is incredible. If I didn't have a bunch of bachelors living with me, I'd redecorate my place (and build a nice bookshelf like that).
186. Ehle said:
And he doesn't look old enough to have needed Botox in the first place...
187. Ern said:
#174--does anyone else think its funny that under the pic of the "sling" it says "click to enlarge"? hehe
188. Annejelynn said:
Ruff Ruff!
189. Beth said:
Jesus, he looks possessed! Of course, I am too when I think of chocolate...hmm...
190. popsicle said:
chuck looks like he just had 10 espresso shots injected into his bloodstream. at ease chuck. the treat is coming.
191. Gooooder said:
maybe chuck's hammock broke
192. Dang Cold... said:
man that fire place is righteous!! chuck truely does look like he's been stuffed in that pic. There's something lifeless about his stare. If Dooce is, in fact, dead and talking to us, this must be a seance we're all in.
193. Gooooder said:
im in the zone. the dooce zone.
only 58 more minutes.
194. Sidney Ann said:
I just looooooove Chuck.
195. John Sloas said:
If blogging is an illness, what is the cure?
196. Gooooder said:
pooping
197. Amanda B. said:
putyourpantsonMinky@nekedpooka.com
198. Super Turtle Girl said:
CHUCK! Over here boy, wooo, wooo, got a treat for you! C'mere Chuckie!
199. The Monkey said:
turnofftherabbit@Minkeyfrightened.org
200. JessicaRabbit said:
My cats do that same thing when they see or hear squirrels in our front yard, but then they let out this pathetic noise like eehheeehheeee and their jaw quivers, I have one cat who will slam himself into the glass door thinking he can make it through to the squirrel sitting on the front step staring at him like, Hey nice move dumbass.
201. Amanda B. said:
flogyouwithquacking.g-string@ackack.net
202. Susie said:
I told you guys yesterday that the SPCA needed to be notified of Amanda B.'s new furry friend!
Someone help him! Mouse, do you do cross-species rescues?
203. Henryk_ Sat@0727AMSydney time said:
(Chock thinks).......I hear dead people!
204. Ern said:
JessicaRabbit--my cat does that too! It is hilarious. He will watch the birds outside for hours. We have a bird in the house too, but I don't think that cat realizes it's a bird because he never even looks at it. (He's not too bright)
205. faris said:
So a while back i turned my sister onto Dooce. I was turned on by Alt Text many moons ago. N E Way, she was inspired to start her own blog and I must say that while I am certainly biased, her blogs are really very funny.
http://bandick.blogspot.com/2005/01/hockey-is-contact-sport.html
206. not-that-Andrea said:
Jessica Rabbit, my cats make the same noise watching the birds and squirrels. Thankfully they don't try to run through the window...but the youngest male licks the window pane. Uck.
PS - Heather I'm so sorry to hear you are dead.
207. Henryk_ Sat@0731AMSydney time said:
whatabunchofloonies@thissite :-)
208. mihow said:
Not that Andrea, like this?
http://www.clean-your-screen-for-free-now.com/
209. The Monkey said:
www.simianbananahammocks/chapmyhide.html
210. Gooooder said:
see hammocks!!!
211. Ern said:
princessconsuelabananahammock@phoebe.net
212. Amanda B. said:
Actually, Susie, Dooce has not purchased my new furry friend yet. She is having some difficulty finding a Snow Monkey in Utah. Mormons don't like to touch my Monkey.
Minkey needs a friend off of which to pick bugs. My current bug population is pretty low...
213. Gooooder said:
go to hokkaido they got snow monkeys!
214. desiree said:
see the determination in the eyes--they almost look as if lasers will shoot from them at any moment!! Look-Robo-chuck now with treat-a-vision!!!
215. The Monkey said:
Amanda, your minkey is on the run with the help of his minkey friends. He's making his way to Canada and Freedom!
FREEEEEEDOOOOOOOM!
216. Susie said:
I thought Minkey was new. He must have just found his voice.
217. Susie said:
run, Minkey, run!!!! to France!!!!
218. Tracy said:
My cats do that every time they hear someone on the stairs outside. They're much more intent on getting scratchies from strangers than they are on treats. I guess I don't give them enough treats.
219. Colleen from NJ said:
come to NJ, little minkey. no one will look here.
220. Cristin said:
Amanda B. said at 01:24PM, 02.11.2005:
flogyouwithquacking.g-string@ackack.net
BWAH HAH HAH
221. Amanda B. said:
While running for the border, Minkey is distracted by his own ass, and is recaptured by Amanda.
222. The Monkey said:
colleen: Who told you I've got a little minkey?
223. The Monkey said:
Hey, you can't blame minkey. My ass is red and shiny!
224. Ern said:
I'm distracted by your ass too!
225. annabelle said:
Hey Everyone- I worked today! I've just arrived to read posts regarding shiny red asses and such and am oddly intrigued.
My husband passed his doctoral comprehensive exams today! Yeah!
226. Susie said:
congratulations, dr. mr. annabelle.
minkey, little minkey, how many The Monkeys are there? I'm so confused. I know what it's like to be distracted by one's own ass. Once I was touring a health club, and I was wearing a long red sweater, and I kept wondering what that huge red thing was that kept appearing behind me in the mirrors. It was my ass. I joined the club.
227. Peter Hentges said:
I think the rumors of your demise have been greatly exaggerated.
228. Relentless Christian Amber said:
So you are saying Dooce really didn't have a demise?
229. The Monkey said:
Susie: there is one Monkey with many names.
I joined a health club once two, but those bastards fooled me because it was really just a big smelly cage with hundreds of minkeys from which to pick lice.
so ... it was actually better than I thought it was going to be.
230. God said:
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah and blah!
PS BLAH!
Love The Big Guy in the Sky
231. not-that-Andrea said:
Mihow - that's EXACTLY what he does, even down to the squeaky noises. Now my computer screen is nice and shiny on one side.
Thanks for the link.
232. bethymae said:
Hey! All you cat lovers out there. Want a freaking cat? You can have mine. That son-of-a-bitch SNEEZED in my EYE yesterday morning after he had been up all fuckin night acting like a nutter. What a way to greet a new day.
Chuck makes me want to get a dog. That look on his face cracks me up, so excited. At least dogs don't stay up all night.
Dooooce, I'm pea green over those bookcases. wow.
233. honestyrain said:
my dog hasn't had a treat in years. poor thing has been sideswiped by the more demanding and less hairy people who grew in my belly and took his place as favorites.
the little one does give him her entire cone when we have ice cream so really, is he suffering? i think not.
234. Harry said:
BETHMAE...MEOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
235. Harry said:
Pop tarts, nacho cheese doritos, Britney Spears’ chest, and Britpop...allgive you a weight problem ans a fat ass.....hava look at the middleclass white femalea ( and lotta guys fit the bill as well!)
236. G. McFuzz said:
I got nasty in another blog on your account. Someone was demonstrating their imagined superiority by dissing blogs I like, yours among them. It wasn't just that, there was other stuff she wrote that didn't sit well with me. I just don't go to that blog now, ever.
237. The Monkey said:
Wow, G. McFuzz! Thanks! I didn't know that little ole Minkey meant that much to you and I'm so happy! You have seriously made my shiny red ass blush ...
oooOOOOOOooohh. wait. you weren't talking to me, were you?
sorry. Please dont beat the minkey.
238. donnaly said:
don't know if anyone has mentioned this yet but if anh bloggers are in NC
http://mistersugar.com:2538/blogtogether/show/Triangle+Bloggers+Conferen...
perhaps SarcasticJournalist will be there since she was dooced
239. Susie said:
That's all I'm saying, just don't beat that minkey. Or force it to perform unnatural acts on you. That sort of thing . . .
"a big smelly cage with hundreds of minkeys from which to pick lice" was the exact description the local paper gave of our elementary school recently, following a head lice outbreak.
240. Amanda B. said:
I'll protect you Minky. Hop in this sack.
blink...blink...
241. The Monkey said:
Alright! Its MINKEY time!
242. The Monkey said:
oh, wait, you said THIS sack. I though you said THE sack.
darnit.
243. Dang Cold... said:
...and shake it like a polaroid picture!!
-tumbleweed rolls across my monitor-
244. Lisa said:
You know I only have one course left to get my degree, I would totally give a blow job to get an A.
Heather, the guy with the A-1? Nice dodge on that one.
245. AyEnDeeAreEeAyAitch said:
Oh my god, oh my god!! Totally peeing in my pants with your anal sex and blow job posts.... HA!
246. Annejelynn said:
LAUGHING MY ASS OFF, ROLLING ON THE FLOOR!!!! (using the 'LMAOROTF' acronym isn't enough)
yeah, no everyday common household objects - no. sorry charlie! A1 sauce?!?
247. StarGazer said:
*sigh*
No matter how many times I have been assured "I'm not into that." and just when I think I can stop worrying about it - there it is, anal sex, coming back to poke me in the butt.
248. Dorothy Parker said:
I've been reading for about a year, and never thought I'd feel the need to post a comment here, but I have to say, Heather, that was by far your best post ever! I almost spit margarita all over my computer.
I certainly hope you're working on a book deal. You are funnier than David Sedaris.
249. Annejelynn said:
What's with all this "MINKEY" business?
can anyone provide a brief synopsis?
250. HardToPlease said:
You tell your friends about Jon's dick? And they want to know????
I do not talk about my husband's dick with my friends. Past boyfriends? Yes. Big ones, little ones? Sure. Anal sex? Yup. Somehow, I draw the line at my husband's genitalia. Yes, it is abitrary, buy hey, you gotta make a stand somewhere.
251. seannarae said:
BAM!
right after the WNT segment ran, here you are notching up the smut talking about anal sex with bottles of A1.
You're one cool broad, Meessa Armstrong.
Oh, and on a personal note. The penis that tilts to the right - or the left for that matter - may be the cascade effect of a chronic masturbator who never trades off the hands.
As if one can POSSIBLE toss off too much, it is my firm belief that as a boy begins to jerk off, he begins to jerk off *incessantly*. Easily 1x, surely 6x per week. I'm not making this up: just stating a fact of life for boys growin' up and rubbin' out.
So, if you do the math, and the person never uses the 'other' hand, and you accept the fact that the penis, when not engourged, is simply a fleshy mass thats still forming when boys begin to do this to themselves.... Well, then you might be see how an adult penis can tilt to the right.
Not that this is 'damage' mind you. Simnply an inconvenience with regards to the direction of the pee stream.
Whoa. Hey nowwwww.....
252. Tam said:
One of these days Leta and all Leta's adolescent buddies will stumble across this post, oh yes, and then they will make you pay.
:)
253. StarGazer said:
"Leta and all Leta’s adolescent buddies will stumble across this post, oh yes, and then they will make you pay."
Either that, or they'll start wondering if there's any A1 in the house... well, not Leta of course.
254. michelle said:
Chuck is intense and what a babe! I like that in a dog. My cat sneezed once and a tick flew out of his nose and landed on my face. A cat sneezing in the eye is much worse though...
255. moose said:
Wow, wow, and wow. Anyone else feel like it got terrible hot in here? Whoah. I am speechless. I do not know what to say. Except yeah, Heather, I hope that thing you have in the works has something to do with a book deal or something. I mean, who else could go from a five-year-old's teddy bear to anal sex with a bottle of A-1 (or not) in one post!?
256. juli said:
For once I am speechless.
257. seannarae said:
and call me sexually uneducated, or blame it on the content-filters here at work but...
what exactly DOES it mean to either have your salad tossed or to toss one others salad?
are there condiments involved? dressing? i mean, i've experimented with Thousand Islands, but something tells me that was something else entirely.
258. moose said:
Michelle, eeeew. A tick out of his nose onto your face? EEEEEEEEEEEEW!!! I don't know, I think that might trump a sneeze in the eye.
259. Kaiasmom said:
Oh my goodness, that post is definetly in the top ten of my all time favorite Dooce posts...
260. Jessica said:
I rarely comment. But that post was FRICKIN HILARIOUS!! :)
261. sybil said:
You're warped and demented!
262. Amy in the Twin Cities said:
I have never posted on this site before, and I daresay this will be the last time. I'd much rather enjoy it in silent anonymity. My God, you must have some set of stones to put those paragraphs on the Internet where your mommy and daddy can read them! Hoooo. I'm laughing so hard at work right now, trying to keep quiet; the tears are rolling down my face. Thanks Heather, you made my weekend! I rue the day you become too big for this blog.
263. Danielle said:
seannarae:
I believe it means to lick someone's asshole.
264. Dang Cold... said:
VERY informative...
First off. You got an A in physics? My final mark in physics out of 100 was a little under my shoe size. That kind've stuff never sunk in for me.
Secondly, I knew what a blow job was far too soon in life and thats bad, because I waited far too long from that point to finally get one. If I hadn't known what I was missing, it would've been fine, but I knew goddammit. I learned about the facts o life in the school yard like lots of other kids. Trouble was I had a mother that wouldn't allow it in the house and a dad that I just didn't want to hear it from. My parents are immigrants and couldn't even pronounce spermatozoa or ejaculation. Science teacher I had in junior high sent me to the principles office for saying 'orgasm' in class. Maybe thats why he failed me in physics now that I think about it.
Finally, guys are well aware that women talk to their friends about their dicks. I can always tell by the look in their eyes that my dick, at one point, was served up for heart to heart evening girl chat. Those subtle smiles? please!! I have no control over it so let them!! At least someones talking about it. I'll take that and run..
Sybil relax. If people weren't fucking and condoms weren't ripping you and I wouldn't be here :-|
265. RazDreams said:
seannarae: i think dooce meant that she could imagine leta asking her sex-related questions as casually as one would ask, "how do you toss a salad?" it seems dooce likely just approached her own mom with the same casualness and asked, "what's a blow job?"
266. RazDreams said:
does anyone think that dooce will become so big and popular that she'll go the route of pop-up ads, interstitial, banners, etc.? oh, mehopes not.
and i had to laugh at the "a guy whose penis *TITLED* to the right." like his penis had a book deal.
267. leaning tower of penis (aka eco2geek) said:
ap (#39) > "you realize that Leta is growing up with the CUTEST DOG IN THE WORLD, don’t you?? you’ve ruined her for all other dogs!"
From the Book of Chuck, Chapter 20, verses 1-3: "And Dog spake all these words, saying, I am CHUCK thy Dog, who has preceeded thee into the house of Dooce. Thou shalt have no other dogs before me."
And "why would you want to?":http://www.dooce.com/archives/daily/02_14_2003.html
268. Dang Cold... said:
Penis that tilts to the right..hmmm...
ronald reagan was a democrat once and then he became a republican. I do see the symbolism...
269. Dang Cold... said:
rest his soul nonetheless
270. yes I'm blonde said:
After giving vaginal birth to two children, one of them almost 10 POUNDS, I have an incontinence problem when I laugh.
Thanks for making me pee in my pants, Heather!
271. Kassi said:
I started my own blog, but I realized very quickly it will not be half as interesting as your website...this is because I have no comfortable relationships with anyone...so I can't talk about anyone!!
272. Gooooder said:
oh.my.god.
what a great post for chuck friday
273. Kupferkopf said:
RazDreams: according to Urban Dictionary, I believe that Danielle's interpretation is the correct one, and that - given the subject matter- Dooce meant exactly that.
This post is fucking hilarious. I can't say I've ever been asked to service someone with a condiment bottle, although I've been an accessory in the deflowering of a produce item or two in my day... No salads, though.
274. Gia on Guam said:
Seannarae,
Tossing salad is another term for licking the chocolate starfish. Analingus is the technical term. Although I hear that "tossing salad" means specifically to use a "dressing" such as syrup or jelly.
275. DM said:
Julia said at 07:59AM, 02.11.2005:
My thought was, he’s probably not waiting for Godot. Too intent for that.
I love it! Thanks for the laugh.
When I was 5, I came home from school and asked my mom what f*ck meant, casually. My mom replied "It's what rabbits do when they're married. But it's not a nice word." Did I mention we raised rabbits at the time? Because otherwise this story doesn't make any sense.
276. StarGazer said:
I am now contemplating how to find out if MY six-year-old knows what a blow-job is. On second thought - I don't want to know.
I think my head is literally going to explode.
277. TexaRican said:
ROFL! I keep thinking of A-1 advert taglines:
"A-1...It's THAT important!"
278. Henryk_DTG121142KFEB05 said:
Chucky looks like a stuffed dog I once saw in a taxidermy business!
279. that-andrea said:
What's a blow job?
280. Henryk_DTG121145KFEB05 said:
think your head is literally going to explode...now thats a real bang od a head job!!
281. The Monkey said:
Amanda? I'm staying at Dooce's house, and there aint no freakin' WAY you're getting me outta there.
So, uh, Heather, have I ever shown you my round, red, shiny Minkey Ass?
282. MrsDoF said:
Standing alongside you, Hard-to-please (#250). Maybe it's that vow and the sanctity of marriage.
I think Heather is holding to that, the writing is about relationships of the past.
Here at this house, most of our previous partners are still on the Christmas card list.
I guess we just are a couple of snoozes. I get reminded of that every time I have to answer all the questions when I donate blood.
283. Carol said:
I haven't even begun to read comments, but Heather, you are a funny funny chick. Shit. All my friends (um, yeah, you know who you are) know all about my man's johnson. mostly that it's purple. and that i do not take it up the ass thankyouverymuch!!
where's the minkey?
284. Uppercase GOD said:
HEATHER BROOKE ARMSTRONG, THIS IS GOD. YOU KNOW, WE GO WAY BACK, AND I'VE FORGIVEN YOU FOR THAT TIME WHERE YOU SLEPT WITH THAT GUY FROM THAT SOAP OPERA, BUT FOR THE FIRST TIME, GOD IS SPEECHLESS.
I MEAN, REALLY. FROM AN 8 YEAR OLD'S STUFFED ANIMAL TO ...
GUH ...
THAT IS ALL.
285. Joana said:
Heather, may I suggest making Leta's mondays or tuesdays? We want more Leta! :)
Love Chuck, obviously, always glad to see that snout.
286. Tossed Salad (aka eco2geek) said:
My wife and my aunt are very good friends, and they talk on the phone all the time. Gah! Dooce, I sure hope you're wrong.
287. U.B. said:
Dang Cold -- I really wonder if God is letting Reagan's sould rest? After the way he ran things, I wouldn't be surprised to find out *he* is getting worked over with a bottle of A1 for eternity....
Great post Heather. I'll begin my weekend with a smile. (But, I'm going to pass on bbq-ing steaks tonight. ew.)
288. Carole said:
Wow. It's one thing to be an amazingly talented, creative, funny writer. It's another to be so totally uninhibited and fearless that you will (and do) write about ANYTHING ... it's like you have a brain to keyboard signal with no filter in between.
Your latest post is maybe the best example yet.
How do you do it ... where does it come from, Heather? Inquiring, admiring and envious minds want to know! I wish I could be an iota as free ... I'd sign up for a writing class with you in a minute!
289. eco2geek said:
U.B.: Would you like some Grey Poupon?
290. Annejelynn said:
I'm outtie - everyone have a goooood weekend! Hugs to Leta and the Armstrong fam! - that, of course, includes Chuck!
291. Jaia said:
Re: #275
Your rabbit comment made me remember this line from The Simpsons:
"I just realised that the cat and the dog haven't had a wedding,
they've been living in sin!"
It's a good thing Chuck is pure of heart as well as body. (Unless you count mailman lust.)
292. Dang Cold... said:
Carole - I'm not phil donahue but I'll take a shot at a guess. I s'pose it starts with not caring what other people think. Fully and completely. Most of us won't get there. I'll lay dead in my casket and wonder deep down whether or not people think I'm charming as the dirt gets thrown over me. Never encountered anyone 100% comfortable in their own skin.
293. Carole said:
Dang Cold .. you're right. I'll never get there either. But maybe Heather has a tip or secret she's willing to share that could nudge us closer ... ;-)
294. Anita said:
So, pathetically for a Friday night, as the dh and I read Dooce on separate computers and I start laughing at the end and my dh closes his eyes, we both realize that my girlfriends all know that about each others husbands and dudes.
Oddly, in L.A. I had a gay fiance. We now refer to him as Gay Dave as opposed to Husband Dave, the straight one I have now. There was short Dave, too, but that was a long time ago.
295. Amanda B. said:
6 Figures Here We Come!
Oh man, maybe I'll get a *trained* monkey, who listens to me and will not take out his wiener in public.
296. jp said:
I am completely 100% fine with who I am. Be happy with who you are because you can't please everyone.
297. Relentless Christian Amber said:
Anal sex? I'm speechless.
Penis tilted to the right? That's funny. I know a guy with lopsided balls. One hands lower than the other.
I know this because in high school he would pull them up through his pockets and people would sign them with a black magic marker.
He must have hung low. Real low.
298. jp said:
eewwwwww!!!!!!!!
299. Relentless Christian Amber said:
arrr.. hangs..not hands
300. seannarae said:
RC Amber:
You used to sign some guys nuts?with a sharpie?
in high school?
Now THATS punk rock!