The Monsters
Thursday, February 10 2005
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Daily Photo
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In the midst of all the chaos yesterday I had to babysit my sister's four-year-old twins seen here in a rare moment of sitting still.
1. andrea said:
Wooo!
2. Kelly said:
LOL I missed 800!!
3. first? said:
YES!!
4. Marcie said:
You must be superwoman!
5. Ali said:
Haha I love their expressions
6. DARNIT! said:
crushed, simply crushed.
7. Smark! said:
That was awesome seeing you on the news last night! w00t!
8. not-that-Andrea said:
Good morning good morning! Loved the ABC news bit last night - and all I could think last night while Heather was typing was "dork dork dork dork". I could even *hear* it on the keyboard as she typed.
Plus really cute pictures of the twins.
9. Kelly said:
BTW, I don't comment often, Heather, but I had to say you were fabulous on ABC last night. Not a drop of sweat in sight. :-)
10. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Jesus, from their expressions, you'd think they'd just been threatened with gulag or something.
Mean, mean aunt Heather! ;)
11. Suzanne said:
They look sweet, but I'll believe you if you say they're really monsters.
12. andrea said:
Wish I coulda come up with something better than "wooo!" but I was so excited.... I've never been FIRST before!
I'm still trying to find a complete clip of the ABC news thing. Anyone?
13. haplys said:
they look thrilled, and possibly like they caught your pants shitting syndrome.
14. Michael said:
they dont LOOK like monsters. And clearly looks are all that matter
15. stillheidi said:
It looks like they are scared...I can just hear the universal 'sit down and be quiet' threat through dooce's clenched teeth!
16. divinemissk said:
closest i'veever been to first.
watched ya last night on abc- you looked fabulous!! congrats!!
17. ap said:
Wow! Real live mormons!
18. IowaGirl said:
How cute are they? I can't imagine four-year-old twin boys! My 6 1/2 month old little girl wears me out and I know it's only going to get worse.
19. Allison said:
Awww...they look too cute to be monsters!
20. Bean said:
Heather, you were fantastic on ABC last nite!
PS...you couldn't see you typing "DORK"
21. SEK said:
look at those faces!
22. Matt in London said:
I go away for a day and look what happens....and I don't get to see the news clip over here :-(
23. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
Twenty bucks says they were plotting ways to moon the camera or belch the ABCs into the micropone during your moment of national glory. I know. I've been that monster.
24. 01234 said:
Do them boys have the _Fear o' Dooce_ in their eyes, or what? Do they know that their every move is being chronicled by someone who's been on national TV? I'll bet they're thinking about their future as _Defenders of Leta_ and the extreme situations they'll find themselves in at any given moment.
Yes, _they_ have seen the future, and _we_ know it.
25. SEK said:
I stayed up until 11:30 (my time zone) to watch you. I was yelling for my husband "YOU'VE GOT TO GET IN HERE. I READ HER PAGE ALL THE TIME. LOOK THERE'S LETA!"
26. Door said:
"We're bored because Aunt Heather is doing some TV news thing. Boo."
You looked great last night!
27. Karen said:
Sadly I missed it - does anyone have a clip?
28. Becca said:
Hey, I missed the show last night! Does anyone know if they're posting the segment online or anything?
29. Pissy Britches said:
I saw you on TV..I saw you on TV. It was great! Leta was such a cutie pie!
30. Danielle said:
They definitely look worried.
the question is, of course, just what were they worried about?
Chuck going nuts?
The smell of the nasty pumpkins? The TV hair and make-up?
Big scary auntie Heather behind the big lens? Yup, that was it.
31. yes I'm blonde said:
Here's a link for those who missed it:
http://www.comcast.net/News/TECHNOLOGY/
Click on the video clips on the right, scroll through the picture links until you hit "Blogging" one.
Heather, you looked great! And hardly any Tennessee twang!
32. becaru said:
they look like scared rabbits
33. mg2 said:
congrats on the news segment! that is HUGE! a proud day for us members of the dooce cult. :)
34. Scott said:
Don't they both look so thrilled to be there?
The story on ABC last night went pretty well. At least Dooce got top billing and Leta even made an appearance. It doesn't get batter than that! Plus, they followed up the story with a piece on lemurs. It's almost enough to make me watch television news again. Besides the Daily Show, that is...
35. The Monkey said:
My New Address:
The Monkey
c/o Amanda B
1234 Cornhole Lane
Hineyville, MS 11111
No Amanda, please please PLEASE don't put those pink bows and curlers in my back hair again! NOOOOOOOOO!!
36. jensplace said:
LOL Those are some serious "auntie heather's house SUCKS! please can we go home?" looks.
37. Gooooder said:
TWINS!
38. Tomas Baiget said:
Your site has impressed me!
You are a brave person.
Cheer up!
39. Marcia said:
here's another link -not mine but another faithful reader
http://tubertarian.com/dooce/dooce_mpeg.mpg
40. Sherri said:
Was Jon standing behind you, threatening them with physical harm while you snapped that photo? They look terrified. Or tired. Kinda hardd to tell.
Leta's made her first of what I'm sure will be many TV appearances in her lifetime. What a doll!
41. Danielle said:
Everyone, Tu at 9:20 pm yesterday, *very generously*
posted an mpeg and some other forms of files of a piece of the segment (the part that had dooce on it). I think the other links are at 8:37 pm.
So, you can get it from yesterday's photo comments.
:)
And it isn't the whole thing, but the part with dooce in it.
42. red said:
awe, they look so cute and innocent! pictures can be so deceiving...
43. Michelle said:
Is there a way to see the clip on abcnews.com without signing up for a subscription?
44. JessicaRabbit said:
My boys used to make that same face at me, they were a year apart, I called them Monkeys because the monkeys at the zoo had the same playground equipment they did.
45. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
The Monkey -- after Amanda B puts the bows in, do you get a hearty spankin'?
46. Wicked H said:
Either they are exhausted or being threatened. Which is it?
Adorable in any case.
47. Michelle said:
Never mind! I see it's been addressed in the comments already...
48. annabelle said:
I completely missed it- can anyone tell me what was the editorial spin that they put on it- was she portrayed positively? How did they deal with the whole she lost her job thing? And does Heather actually talk with a Southern accent?
49. beatrix said:
I'm so sorry you're only known throughout the country as the "woman who lost her job because of her website." But hey, 15 minutes of fame is, well...15 minutes of fame. Take what you can get.
50. Gooooder said:
if anyone confuses today's thumbnail for something other than a kid's eye, i am going to really start to worry about them!
no hooker's ass today!
51. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Maybe the twins just saw that scarred hooker's ass.
Would go a long way toward explaining the naked fear in their eyes.
52. kat said:
doooooce!
loved the abc bit last night.
the best part was how they put you before the very country, "Ah didn't mean Kmart no harm" boy. you couldn't have sounded less like him.
Also, Jessica Cutler, "I f-ed senators from the front, back and side" looked totally bad! She needed a brush..
53. Lisa said:
SEK said at 07:31AM, 02.10.2005:
I stayed up until 11:30 (my time zone) to watch you. I was yelling for my husband “YOU’VE GOT TO GET IN HERE. I READ HER PAGE ALL THE TIME. LOOK THERE’S LETA!â€
------------------
I wonder how many of us did that to our poor husbands!
54. Gooooder said:
bucky, i guess that could be the case.
a hooker's ass can be quite scary to young kids.
55. Effie said:
Heather--
I watched ABC news just to see your segment last night--(I had to search for the channel). It was good--if you were nervous nobody could tell--and your southern accent wasn't really strong either! I was impressed! And Leta looked SOO cute--if you two weren't famous enough from the NY Times, now you are for sure!
The twins look rosy cheeked like they just woke up from a nap or something--very cute, but I can see how they could be monsters too!
56. Circus Kelli said:
Those boys look like they're getting a timeout... or maybe they've just been threatened with one.
Dooce baby, after the day you had yesterday, I hope you were able to relax and maybe have a little drink. I'd give you the day off if I could!
You came on the TV and I was in the kitchen and Hubby was just coming up the stairs and I got all excited and said "THERE SHE IS! I READ HER EVERYDAY!" I may have even jumped up and down.
Thankfully, Hubby didn't say a word about my dorkiness--well, at least not to me anyway. :)
57. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Those kids looks sad or scared. or sad and scared. Imagine if you had 2 Letas. I would never want twins.
Bucky, you are way to keen on spanking a monkey. Way.
58. christy said:
Dooce looks gawgeous of course.
But I love the way they say "or blog" like this is the hip, new thing. Hello abc news! Catch UP!
59. Circus Kelli said:
Lisa -- Guilty as charged.
Goooder -- the thumbnail could be a picture of a tattoo of an eye on a hooker's ass...
60. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Miz Striz, The Monkey doesn't just spank itself!
61. The Monkey said:
Bucky: She likey to make me pretty before she shmeers the makeup all over my ... face.
62. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Makes me think of when Butthead wanted a tattoo on his butt -- a tattoo of a butt, with a butt tattoo on it. The infinity of it all was, frankly, staggering, and I had a newfound respect for Butthead as a deep thinker. Huh huh. Deep.
63. Library Girl said:
But there such cute monsters :)
64. annabelle said:
As the Hubby and I were crossing the George Washington Bridge at 5:45 and we still had 15 miles to go before home and the grocery store to hit up for dinner, and I realized I wouldn't be home for the broadcast, I said, "Sheet, I'm gonna miss that woman from that blog thing I just discovered."
He said, "Hmmm?" as he maneuvered the car and I could tell he wasn't listening.
"Yeah, that blog called Dooce that I told you about- that lady who got fired for it and talks about farts and stuff."
"The DOOCE," he replied, always lighting up when encountering a really out-there nickname.
He totally didn't care that I missed it.
65. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Had you just threatened them with imminent death if they didn't sit still and behave? The twin in the foreground looks like he just might be constipated and is contemplating crying, and the poor little lad in the background looks like he doesn't want to get smacked. I recognize that look all too well! Regardless, they are two of the cutest kids ever. Aside from Leta, that is.
66. gwen said:
I thought you did a great job on ABC last night. I thought they spun the story a little weird - made it sound like you were on par with the guy who wrote company secrets on the internet or like you were oblivious to why you were fired. However, you looked poised and did well.
67. Anita said:
I was lying in bed last night wondering about if I could blog on the kindness and awkwardness of pumping breastmilk at work without being dooced.
And I thought of how kind Dooce's latest "how to charm me" homage to Jon was.
And then I got really excited when I thought: Being on National TV could be Dooce's cure for constipation!!!!
I almost got out of bed to send that thought out immediately.
68. cat said:
A shout-out to "The Monsters":
What's a mattah, you?
Hey!
Why you look-a so sad?!
Seriously. Why you look-a so sad?
It's a nice-a place...
(Ah, shut-uppa you face!)
69. Gordon said:
Twins: "Where's Peter Jennings??? You promised Peter Jennings!"
70. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
The Monkey: Do you feel pretty, oh, so pretty? Do you pity any girl who isn't you tonight?
71. TulsaOkie said:
What on earth did you say to those boys to scare them like that?!! Either way they are totally cute!
72. The Monkey said:
Bucky, I felt pretty until Amanda B put on her leather chaps and put that choke chain around my neck and started yelling "DANCE WIENER MONKEY, DANCE!"
*Monkey huddles wimpering in the corner*
73. Jess said:
Just watched the ABC piece using Comcast's newsfan jobbie on comcast.net
Heather, you totally look like Madonna.
And Leta--- well she's just scrumptious. As usual.
Jessica Cutler is NOT as pretty as her picture...hm.
74. The Monkey said:
wHimpering.
fuck off. I'm a monkey. I'm not supposed to be able to spell.
Can someone change my diaper, please?
75. Kassi said:
They don't look scared, they look miserable...miserable because they know if they act up it will be on National TV and once that happens their mom will have PROOF...and that IS NO GOOD.
76. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Poor The Monkey. . .but what did you expect when you became the toy of a woman who would consider calling her band "Sexual Gravy"?
77. shaunacat said:
I rushed home from work last night to see the piece, and it was also on again this morning on Good Morning America. Heather, you were great...so awesome to see and hear you and Leta!!
78. Miss Kimberley said:
Sadly, I have checked both of the links posted, and came up with nothin'. Too sad. I was at school when it aired, so ... Anyone got a different link to it?
79. kristine said:
The Monsters are cute, but I tell ya, I am SO ready to open up this page and see Chuck.
80. moose said:
Miss Kim, I just checked and the link above to Tu's page worked for me (thanks Tu!).
These boys look like they just heard Amanda B's gonna babysit them. (Kidding! Just kidding!)
81. Cathi said:
The Twins: Aunt Heather's sucks ass. She doesn't let us do nothin'. And she can't even tell us apart. And she's always taking pictures of us.
82. Rob W said:
Great moment seeing you on the news and knowing you were typing dork (and even seeing the title of the post on camera)... and to top it all off, I actually TiVo'd you so my wife could see it too. Screen time for Leta!
83. moose said:
Twins: Aunt Heather, do we have to eat the dood balls again?
84. RazDreams said:
i'm still waiting (im)patiently for my ronco electric food dehydrator...
Wiener The Monkey: tell yo' mamma to stop spankin' ya and get her @ss to the home shopping network! i needs me some spray-on hair. you gonna need some too after she done spankin' ya wiener monkey.
85. U.B. said:
Chuck Friday is coming soon, Kristine.
GREAT job on ABC last night Heather!
I was glad they lead with Heather and not the not-quite-nekkid airline bimbo or the anal sex washington intern.
86. RazDreams said:
Twin Blue looks like he was just beaten down by Twin Orange, and now Twin Orange is saying, "Look *deep* into my eyes, Aunt Heather, and I will pass my demons onto youuuuuuuuu!"
87. Laura said:
Dooce, I have read you online for years now and after watching the video segment of you I must say, I never imagined you talked like that......It was so strange. Its like watching your fave celebrity on TV you're just in awe. Anyway I just was like, wow thats how Dooce talks. COOOOOL!
88. Courtney said:
http://abcnews.go.com/WNT/Business/story?id=485895&page=1
Better link for those of us who wouldn't be caught DEAD using Comcast. Never link to a site that can only be accessed by certain paying customers. Free access is much friendlier.
89. Colleen from NJ said:
The twins:
"Can we watch tv?"
"No. We don't watch tv in this house. No, In this house, tv watches us."
90. hayley said:
i bet they'll grow up to be like the boys in that movie *Eulogy*
(very worth seeing, by the way. many laughs)
91. MyChelle said:
Wooooo hooooooo! Tamed Twins - my friend sheila (*mom to twin 2y.o. girls*) wishes she knew how to domesticate her pair.
And my sweety, who prefers NBC news kept switching the channel back from ABC to NBC when I got up to check on dinner last evening. I finally had to say, "Look, here boyo. I am not going to feed you, fresh cornbread and rice and luscious homemade gumbo with critters and sausage and okra iffen you don't quit that channel changing EVERY TIME I GO OUT OF THE ROOM. I mean it. I want to watch ABC tonight until the piece on blogging is aired and then you can flip channels for an hour (or at least until American Idol comes on). Which is it goin to be?" He was not scared one bit, but he got it. I LOVED your airtime, but the piece was kindof uneven - not enough backstory on your firing (like we don't know), bad editting on the KMart guy and who the heck cares (outside the Beltway) about that Sexual Staffer? Ended on a strange note...
But now, don't you think you are a celebrity? Will you treat the little guy the same?
92. Kate said:
I left work almost a whole hour earlier than usual, after having Drs appointments during the day too. I thought my boss was going to shit a brick!
But I didn't care! DOOCE WAS ON TV!
So is it your extreme online popularity that's driving this mainstream interest in blogging and its consequences (parental or professional), or is everyone else just really S.L.O.W.?
93. seannarae said:
I BLOODY MISSED IT!
these god damned motherjumpers out here in san francisco got the TV listing all focked up. I checked Yahoo TV as well as a Comcast line-up and they both had ABC WNT airing at 6.30. But when i dashed for the TIVO (for, men still dash you see), i was horrified to find the show aired at 6 instead. 6.30 was local ABC news.
SURELY one of you geeks out here on the Dooce Playground was able to grep the show into a .mov or .avi or .mpeg or dot whatever the fock, right?
GIVE IT UP! Will trade dozens of carved wooden cats.
94. Fran said:
Thing 1 and Thing 2 after the Cat in the Hat destroyed Aunt Heather's prized possession.
95. SueFromOhio said:
Heather-Dooce, are you ever going to put your 'listening to...' stuff back up? I always LOVED to discover 'new' music when I lurked on your site. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!!
96. pismire said:
No signs of sweat or shaking hands on the news segment. You looked right at home on TV, what with the casual fingering of your hair and all. Good job!
97. Lori said:
Try this - go to http://www.comcast.net/News/TECHNOLOGY, click on "Launch News Fan For More Videos". It will take you to a "wheel". Scroll around the pics until you see "Dangers of the Blog". Imagine a clock, it's in the "11 am" position. See if that works.
From one southern bell to another, you did a great job!!! I do hear the southern accent, especially in the word "secrets".
98. Cristin said:
yep, my hubby rolled his eyes at me as I fled from the dinner table to see the piece on TV, I was taping it already.
My five year old followed me, and said 'who is that lady, mom?'
I said 'that's Leta's mom'
She let out a huge laugh and said, seriously...
'SWEET! Leta's Mommy is on the TV!"
99. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Pismire -- you said "casual fingering."
Huh huh huh!
100. Susannah said:
I thought you were great! I wished it had been a more in depth piece but you were definitely front and center. And the best part...what was up with that freaky KMart redneck and that dumb flight attendant? Such the stars, you and Leta. It was really funny to watch you type since we knew what you were typing.
101. beachgal said:
Love the picture!!!
You were great on the news, as everyone is saying. I shrieked to my hubby: "Look, it's Leta!!!" He just shook his head and said, "Whatever, dear". MEN!
102. jenn said:
heather,
so freakin bummed out that i missed the piece on the news. will you have a link to it or anything??
jenn
103. Gooooder said:
Cristin - that's damn cute.
104. Torrie said:
Dooce, you have great eyebrows.
105. Cathi said:
TO WATCH THE CLIP:
A gift last night from Tu
http://tubertarian.com/dooce/dooce_mpeg.mpg
106. LadyBug said:
No time to read all the comments, but I've read enough to know mine's a repeat.
But Hey, those kids really do look scared. Did you yell out "Leakbutt!" or "Rectalage! Of France!!!!" or something?
107. La Pixiatrix said:
I agree with Fran, they look like Thing 1 & Thing 2.
But they do also look like they've been inconvenienced, as in being firmly told to sit down and remain seated.
108. Cristina said:
For those of you who have aol on the welcome screen there is a link that says "Can blogging get you fired". Heather I must say that you were extremely calm and put together.
109. MyChelle said:
Twins scared of Leakbutt or *Of FRANCE*?!?! ha ha - thanks, ladybug!
110. Kathleen said:
Dooce has the same voice as Maria Schriver! It was so cool to see you and Leta on TV!!
111. Claude said:
I Tivo'ed the ABC piece (or Comcast'ed it; I have the cable company's version of Tivo) and got to see it this morning. Can I just say that I totally called the whole "'Dork' won't appear on screen" thing. I'm just saying. Seriously, though, you looked good and well-composed. Plus, what gwen said.
Bucky: It's always a shock when you have that moment of realizing that Butthead was the intellectual one. Heh.
112. bushra said:
oh, bless 'em, they're looking a bit bewildered.
113. moose said:
Madonna, Maria Schriver... so Heather, how's it feel to be compared to all these celebs? ;) Pretty darn cool, I should think. You were so composed, I never would have guessed you were trying not to poop in your pants!
114. Circus Kelli said:
Colleen from NJ said at 08:27AM, 02.10.2005:
The twins:
“Can we watch tv?â€
“No. We don’t watch tv in this house. No, In this house, tv watches us.â€
-------
Ha! That's funny! Ya think my kids would get all weirded out if I used that line on them?
115. Circus Kelli said:
Cristin said at 08:41AM,
‘SWEET! Leta’s Mommy is on the TV!â€
PRICELESS! :)
116. Heather G. said:
Twin in black looks extremely busted, and twin in orange looks like hes having the time of his life. Happy day at Auntie Dooce's. LOL
117. Lynnette said:
I've been reading your site since you got dooced, and was thrilled to see you on ABC News! Wow! You did great!
118. Gooooder said:
yeah, too bad LEAKBUTT wasnt shouted out in the background. or rectalage.
119. erika said:
You MADE me watch ABC's world news tonight for the first time in A VERY LONG TIME. Hope you're happy. I know that I was psyched to see your mug and Leta's. albeit briefly, splashed across the visual US world. Hooray for Heather B. Armstrong! Woo woo!
120. michelle said:
You did great last night!
What beatiful boys. I can see the fire in their eyes!
121. mihow said:
Oh Goooooder, you and your leakbutt.
122. mihow said:
Maybe we *should* market LEAKBUTT. TobyJoe could make millions. Excellent.
We already have Bourdeaux's Buttpaste in his name. Might as well follow up with some LEAKBUTT.
Everything should be about the ass. Everything.
123. becca said:
Going to watch the video-- thanks to whoever posted the link!
The ABC crew must be terrifying to not only intimidate you, but TWIN FOUR-YEAR-OLDS. That's what I'm going to dress up as come next Halloween.
124. Susie said:
What did those monsters do to get in such BIG TROUBLE?
Does anyone have the # for the SPCA in Amanda B.'s town? I just keep hearing "It puts the lotion in the basket . . ." At least I THINK she's saying "basket" . . .
125. Mari said:
Heather, you looked and sounded great on the ABC segment. You do have a bit of a southern drawl, but it's very cute.
126. Shiz said:
No scary accent last night, and you looked and sounded GREAT!
127. Em said:
Such pretty eyes those monsters have!
128. kim said:
how come they look scared? from what you "told" us i would have thought they were scary??
i'm very jealous that i couldn't see you on TV cause they didn't show it in germany. especially since i think it should have been on national television everywhere... bah.
129. Heather said:
So, as it turns out, getting fired from your job for the website is one of the best things to happen to you. I think I'll go and write some disparaging things about my employer right now.
130. AyEnDeeAreEeAyAitch said:
I am sad I missed your appearance but I have seen clips thanks to tubertarian.
I think someone else here said you looked like madonna and you totally do, except way more cuter! I never saw the resemlbance until now.
And when are you getting your 6 figure book deal?
I was trying to explain to my husband all about this last night and he was all like, "Really? That's cool, uh-huh" he just wasn't getting how important it was for me. So I had to compare it to him seeing Heather Locklear in the grocery store and then he was all, "Oh wow!"
He got it then.
131. Elle Wiz said:
You did great in your little interview; I just wish I'd gotten to see more of Leta in action. I thought the story itself was pretty lightweight though. I mean, comparing your situation to a guy who posted INTERNAL KMART SALES FIGURES on his website? Hardly the same thing! I think the Delta flight attendant falls somewhere in between, unless their handbook specifically says you can't post pix of yourself in the uniform. I was glad to see you, but I thought the story seemed unfinished and rather pointless.
132. closet metro said:
Susie - Don't worry, I'm sure Amanda is being very nice to her new monkey. Apparently she's been too busy petting and loving her monkey to show up here today.
133. Shiz said:
Does ANYONE ELSE have "ABC, it's as easy as 1, 2, 3" stuck in their head now?
Could be worse, but ... "ABC ..."
134. Lawbrat said:
I'm very lucky that my significant other turned me on to this site. He reads it as much as I do! Although we both missed the ABC thing last night, but I'm sure he's finding a clip of it to show me. (he found the NPR interview and saved it for me) I'm a very lucky woman!
135. mg2 said:
I'd like to shove something in your can. -Jerri Blank
136. Kate said:
Ha, they look scared, what'd ya do to get them to sit still for that moment?
137. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Pee on me! -- Jerri Blank
138. 01234 said:
If this link works...
cat
you'll see what I saw when I went to the comcast page. Not a wheel, but a subscription form.
139. Kim said:
I missed the segment last night but caught the clip and the article (http://abcnews.go.com/WNT/Business/story?id=485895&page=1). Excellent job.
Is it silly for me to say, thanks for getting your story out there? Maybe one day people won't be fired for expressing their opinion.
140. Circus Kelli said:
Mihow -- You know, Hubby told me there was something called Buttpaste and I didn't believe him. (The whole conversation came about when I explained to our 7 year old why it was called "Diaper Cream" and not "Butt Cream".)
So, anyway, I'm totally going to believe someone I've only become acquainted with over the internet, rather than someone I've been married to for 13 years and have three children with.
141. Gooooder said:
i tried to take a break from the comments page and checking dooce constantly for updates. 14 minutes passed and i decided it was too much torture.
142. stillheidi said:
Yo Dooce...when are you going to update...Did you forget us little people checking your site 752 times so far today waiting for a full length recap! I am SURE there is a good story coming!
143. dehb said:
y'all are crazy! That's a drug-induced eye glaze if I ever saw one. The other one looks like he's bitter about being beat into submission.
144. Circus Kelli said:
Gooooder: I'm being good today and only checking at the top of every hour, rather than just have Dooce up on my computer screen all day.
You would not *believe* how slow that time in between goes...
145. Gooooder said:
it is rainy and dark here, so that mixed with restraining my F5ing, is really rough!
i feel bad for you Circus Kelli! how long will it last?
146. Cathi said:
CK (not Not CK today?)
We used the butt paste and were quite happy with it. The Boudreaux guy was actually on Oprah once, and said that the butt paste was good for chapped lips, too. I don't use the butt paste on my lips, though. As natural as butts and what come out of them are, I'm not going to put something on my face that has had risidual contact (yes, I'm a double-dipper of the butt paste) with my daughter's ass.
147. Another Heather said:
Love the site. Your piece on the news rocked!
148. lisey said:
The twins do look like they are in trouble, but oh so cute.
Dooce, last night you did so well. You and Leta looked so beautiful.
149. OregonKim said:
I don't know, they look drugged to me. You carb loaded them didn't you? Or, you gave them tryptophane. Heeerrree little boooyssss, have some tuuurrrkkeeeyyyy and go nite-nite for auntie.
You both looked great (Miss Leta too). I expected your site to be crashed this morning from all your well-wishers and lookie-loos.
150. jen said:
I love that you said benign on national television.
151. k syrah said:
Heather...
NOT THAT YOU WOULD WANT TO, BUT: I think (sometimes - I actually do think) that you would be a great TV commentator or "personality". You're poised (OK - you're TALL), a "looker", and - SURPRISE - actually have some active brain cells that send complete signals to and fro in the usually hollowed/fried out section of most human's cranium.
Oh yeah - and you don't drool or pick your nose (on camera)... but how fun would THAT be to do an National TV...
"Good times..." - Jerri Blank
152. amberlyn said:
clearly, heather was waving those rotted pumpkins in their faces and telling them to behave or they could SUCK IT. (did i do that right? all caps?)
it's so HARD to get the inside jokes right!
*sigh*
153. jay said:
appear on national TV AND watch 4 year old twins?
Uberfrau!!
I mean that lovingly, of course.
154. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
I love how you started to crack up when you said "Some people like to play instruments. I like write online". So funny! I have said this before - that K-Mart guy totally made the segment weird. And The Washingtonienne - yicky. You were definitely of a totally different caliber than those losers. I wish they had given more insight into what your website is and what it was that led ultimately to your termination. They sort of lumped you in with those weirdos. I think all of America could tell, though, that you are of a much higher class! (I also liked it because you said "trade secrets" -I work in intellectual property! I love people who know about IP!)
155. Visvoice said:
Way to go, Dooce! Interesting to see words coming out of your mouth as opposed to reading them.
Cheers!
156. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Yeah - a tall chick like me!!! I never knew there was someone out there with as abnormally long arms as I have! (I mean that in a loving way - from one hellishly tall chick to another).
157. susannaRI said:
heather, i called my friend betsy to tell her to watch ABC. then we called each other back to discuss your debut! you were fabulous. not at all dorky. i was expecting a drawl. you've really lost your accent. Leta is so cute i really can't take it! it was so exciting to see and hear you. i had taken my kids to Friendly's for dinner and i made them inhale their icecream so we'd be back in time! a big thumb's up! congrats!
158. Cora's mommy said:
WOW, I am so proud of you Dooce. I am not, however, proud of myself for missing the fucking thing. I didn't know she was going to be on there when I saw the commercial for it, but I thought to myself, "I wonder if Heather will be on there?" Then a girl on my Feb 04 Playgroup board posted the DOOCE WAS ON ABC!!!! I freakin missed it. So mad, am I! Good job Dooce! You are so famous!
159. cimalouise said:
Dooce,
you are going to have a link, if at all possible, to this interview, right???
I missed it...and I am sure countless others who wanted to see it missed it as well...
Launch ABC interview?
160. Cathi said:
Annejellyn (I know I got that one wrong) should be doing this, since she was so on top of posting the BOB voting reminders...
___________________________________
WATCH THE ABC CLIP
(Thanks to TU for posting this last night)
http://tubertarian.com/dooce/dooce_mpeg.mpg
___________________________________
161. Circus Kelli said:
Cathi: Yup, just CK today. :)
Wow, yeah, I can understand what you're sayin there... no butt paste on the lips for me neither.
Goooder: Well, I just checked again before the time was up... BUT, I'm "on lunch" though... no, really.
162. The Author f/k/a Fish said:
Circus Kelli: there is Boudreaux's Butt Paste on my kid's ass right now.
(Hi Mihow!)
163. The Author f/k/a Fish said:
Matter of fact, every time I wipe poopy off my kid's butt, I think of Mihow.
164. heather n. said:
NY Times, ABC News...When's the T.V. series? I can see Hollywood writing a take on your life. With the lead a sort of Sarah Jessica Parker character, as in Sex and the City, but with baby, husband, poop stories, reconvened procedures, etc., etc. instead. Hurry up and write the pilot. BTW, I love this website. I wish you and your family all the best.
165. jessie said:
Awww, I love that picture. :)
I must admit, I left work early yesterday to make it home in time for ABC World News Tonight. You did a wonderful job!
166. Amanda B. said:
Howdy. I was in court all morning. Is it a bad thing to call a judge a Cocksucker?
Monkey- www.backinthepen@wiener.org
167. mihow said:
It's true Circus Kelli (if that is your REAL name). There is a Boudreaux's Buttpaste. And I married into the name; a most excellent way to get closer to the ass.
Incidentally, are you really a part of the circus? Because that would be über cool.
Fish, so glad I come to mind at all.
168. mihow said:
Oh, and for some reason, these boys remind me of the boys from Desperate Housewives. Not that I'm suggesting anything about Beth. Or her boys. Or housewives.
169. J said:
You were so great! Adorable and so OBVIOUSLY a nice, likable person. Really. I was all excited for you (and mad you didn't get more air time! WTF?)
170. Circus Kelli said:
Mihow -- Well, my real name is just "Kelli", but you know, I gotta be different. And yes, I am part of the circus Hubby and I created together. His last name conjurs up visions of us living in the lap of luxury, which couldn't be further from the truth.
Do you get people that ask "Like the buttpaste?" after you say the name? :)
171. Shiz said:
Her name is Preparation H?
172. mihow said:
"Do you get people that ask “Like the buttpaste?†after you say the name?"
ha! not yet. I live for that day.
Out of all honestly, Buttpaste is really great for babies. I have even used it. (I won't give details, but rest assured, it's great for adult people, too. No, it was not on my ass). If you have kids, I HIGHLY recommend using the stuff. I have given it out as gifts (started off as a joke until everyone was like "this stuff is actually great. Where can I get more?"). Folks love it.
Too bad we're not actually related. I could use the commission.
173. Karen C. said:
My god, they look absolutely miserable! Too funny.
174. The Author f/k/a Fish said:
Hmmmm, Mihow, maybe you can clear this up for me. You say you've used the butt paste, and then intimate that it was on an adult.
But you THEN say that it wasn't your adult ass.
I sure hope it was Toby that sat on some poison ivy, or something.
175. Circus Kelli said:
Mihow -- yeah, I know what you mean. If we were actually related to our filthy rich "cousins" with the same last name, we'd be set for life... ;)
176. Brian said:
Dooce,
You know, more than a year and a half ago when I started reading your blog, I just thought it was a small personal space where these amazingly funny articles were written.
Now there's all these news articles, and network TV craziness.
Craziness indeed.
Congrats on the interview. I would not have been able to hold it together. You look like a TV natural. No signs of nervousness at all.
GO DOOCE!
177. mihow said:
Well, Fish (now with legs), your imagination's description will probably be more entertaining than the real one, but if you really must know. I have excema on my shins. And sometimes it's bloody awful. Buttpaste actually helps.
I have smeared Buttpaste on my legs.
178. The Monkey said:
Amanda: donbeatme@senseless.withtheclub.again.gov
179. The Author f/k/a Fish said:
Mihow: Yup. that totally wasn't entertaining at all.
Look at it this way, at least you haven't smeared Leakbutt on your legs, like a monkey.
180. Amanda B. said:
Mihow- you are awesome. I'm going to start putting buttpaste on my legs in your honor.
Monkey- thendontsniffmybutt@thatsgross.edu
181. Mrs.Strizzay said:
I want to see Dooce, the sitcom. Well, actually, a reality show would be cooler.
182. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Amanda B your monkey is quite educated.
183. Circus Kelli said:
Mrs.Striz -- I have a feeling those two shows might be one in the same. :)
And I would TOTALLY TiVo that! :)
184. Colleen from NJ said:
lmao at all of you!!
185. Barry said:
Mrs. Strizzay - Now you know you've just started a new meme or whatever it is that you kids call it these days. Not a bad idea though...I'd watch... in spite of you my *cough* "high moral code of ethics" against reality programming
186. Toren said:
I saw the ad for the show the other day and I thought, hmm I wonder if Dooce will be featured. Sure enough, I am pissed I missed it. I saw the clip (without sound) can't wait to get home and check it out there.
187. The Author f/k/a Fish said:
What Mihow won't tell you is that the buttpaste is excellent on cupcakes, too.
and toast.
188. The Monkey said:
Amanda: thatwas@Mr.B.edu
189. mihow said:
Holy crap! I can't even begin to imagine eating Boudreaux's Buttpaste on my luscious cupcakes. I mean, I like the stuff and all, but we're gonna keep it from the mouth.
190. Cheryl said:
This might be the calm before the storm!!
191. mihow said:
Baby people, not that the stuff is toxic. Your babies are A-OK using Buttpaste. Even Oprah said so.
192. The Author f/k/a Fish said:
hahahahaha, you said "luscious cupcakes."
193. Mrs.Strizzay said:
What storm?
194. Mrs.Strizzay said:
What the hell does Oprah know about babies?
195. WindyLou said:
Heather I am SO SORRY I made you talk like a hick. I had no idea the fucking tv crew would be coming over. I, of course, missed you on tv because I was at job #2.
196. Amanda B. said:
Monkey:
ohyeah@whoops.youmaytakethegimpsuitoffnow.net
197. The Author f/k/a Fish said:
Striz: I was going to make a snide remark about that being the reason why she keeps gaining and losing weight, but then I realized that all the Oprah-philes who read this site would get pissed, but then I decided to say fuck it and posted it anyway.
198. Diana said:
I downloaded the clip, it's 32 seconds long, was that all of it or am I missing something?
Those boys are gorgeous! They look bored in that pic.
199. Mrs.Strizzay said:
So Oprah has a throng of babies and she is making whats his face raise them in the guest house? Stedman is her baby daddy?
200. mihow said:
I have no idea what Oprah knows about babies. I couldn't care less about Oprah, actually*. But I do know she had George Boudreaux of Buttpaste on the show a couple of years ago and it shut down the site.
Wouldn't you know it, but a few days later Wal Mart (another monstrosity) started to sell it.
*Oprah lovers, I am not a fan. Don't start a fight with me about how great she is. I have had it before and I always lose.
201. mg2 said:
Buddha Stalin is CHRONIC. -Jerry Blank
202. The Monkey said:
Amanda:
http://www.unwrap.thecellophane/first
203. Mrs.Strizzay said:
I think Heather should form a radio call in show. I bet that would be funny as hell. I would seriously invest in one of those super caller things so I never got a busy signal. Then I would say stupid shit so she would laugh until she peed herself.
204. Mrs.Strizzay said:
So if I want to buy a house in June is it to early to start packing? Seriously.
205. The Author f/k/a Fish said:
Mihow: I'm with you on the Oprah thing.
Solidarity, sister.
206. Girl From Ipanema said:
those boys are chaaaarrrming....
207. zeenes said:
those boys look absolutely precious, which means they've got to be exploding devil-spawn when they're hyped up on sugar.
208. Katy said:
FISH!!! Where have ya been, my brotha?
209. Sen said:
I support the call-in show idea.
210. Amanda B. said:
I think the title of Oprah's magazine is very misleading and I don't appreciate it.
Plus too many pics of her giving out gifts to starving children. Altruism my ass.
211. Megan said:
I probably watched the segment like, 3 times.
Hello, psychoooo!
212. mihow said:
Oprah: The New Struthers.
213. mg2 said:
Condoms are for cowards! -Jerri Blank
214. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
I bet Heather is tired today! No new posts from her yet. I guess Peter Jennings and the monster twins wore her out!
215. Girl.A said:
Once I read somewhere that Oprah's name was supposed to be Orpah, a character in the bible. But someone made a spelling error on het birth certificate and they let it be.
Can you imagine if her name had stayed Orpah? Rhymes with...
[say it with me now]
216. amberlyn said:
oooh, OPRAH TALK! i can do this. ummm.
crap. *shakes fist at the computer* "damn you, internet! i don't watch oprah!"
*shakes fist at boss* "damn you, boss! i'm at work; therefore, i don't watch oprah."
*shakes fist at self* "damn you, self, buy tivo!"
whew. i'm going to, um, try and ... work ... or something.
217. carolina said:
Great job on ABC last night! I couldn't stop laughing knowing that you were typing dork the whole time.
218. Mrs.Strizzay said:
*Girl A.* ...Dorpah?
Coach Cherri Wolf: "Next up, Jerri Blank"
Susie: "Give me a V, I, C, T, O, R, Y"
Jerri: "V, I, C, T, O, R, Y"
Susie: "What's it spell?"
Jerri: "Win!!!"
Coach Wolf: "Jerri, uh, what does V-I-C-T-O-R-Y spell?"
Jerri: "Fandango? Hobocamp? Ho-hobocamp."
219. moose said:
"1:4 And they took them wives of the women of Moab; the name of the one
was Orpah, and the name of the other Ruth: and they dwelled there
about ten years."
Orpah is from Moab? Moab, Utah?? Near Dooce??? This is getting stranger and stranger...
220. Heidi said:
Congratulations! What Carolina said.
221. moose said:
oompah
chutzpah
???
222. mihow said:
My two favorite Jerri Blank quotes:
"Why does your finger smell like his ass?"
and
(said to her brother's girlfriend as they're making out) "You do know he's gay, right?"
223. Amanda B. said:
Girl A.- Sherpa?
I thought Ofrah was from Mississippi...
224. moose said:
slurp -- ahhhh
?
225. Lisa said:
*ahem* Forgive my ignorance, but who is Jerri Blank?!
226. Mrs.Strizzay said:
whore pa?
227. mihow said:
From Strangers with Candy. Amy Sedaris. Sister of David.
A totally bizarre and wonderfully offensive lovely comedic show. We celebrate with the entire collection.
228. Mrs.Strizzay said:
She is a stranger with Candy
229. LadyBug said:
Is "whore pa" the same as "baby daddy?"
230. Jenie said:
lol...I guess now we know why they look so sad! Wee waw...never heard that one before...
231. Mrs.Strizzay said:
I wonder if Jerri is realted to Bill Blanks, you know from Tai Bo fame and uber tight shiny work out clothes.
232. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Dooce, just tell em' to suck it in. Kids know how to do that too.
Good luck with the pitches.
233. Girl.A said:
ORCA
btw, on my site there's a little Jerri Blank celebration goin on.
234. DOMINIQUE said:
Those boys are gorgeous!
DUDE!!! I totally missed the show?!?!? I didn't know it was going to be on last night?! PISSER!!!!!
235. LadyBug said:
Wee Waw.
Rhymes with Hee Haw.
And that's all I have to say about that.
236. Sarah... said:
i havent read all the comments today or yesterday but i've just GOTTA say, i thought good ol' dooce here looked just like MADONNA! anybody with me on this one? and also, those boys look more like doocy than her own child...
237. Girl.A said:
Oh! and there's a little Jerri Blank partee goin on at Spoonleg's place too!
238. Sarah... again said:
PEOPLE DO THINK YOU LOOKED LIKE MADONNA! gods, i hope you're not offended or totally disgusted by that. someone once told me i looked like mariah carey! i wanted to cut their hand off and slap them with it.
239. Katie-be-bored-at-work said:
Twins seem to have an innate need to go potty at the same time. I suppose if I had someone my age to potty with when I was four, I would have done the same thing. All I remember doing is trying to "pee like a boy". That was interesting, for sure. My friend's twin girls like to go potty together, which is a bit more interesting and difficult than if they were boys. Imagine one girl squatting on the front of the toilet seat while another one sits on the side of the pot. This inevitably leads to them peeing on one another, or on the floor, which they think is hilarious. I remember one of them saying to the other "My pee is mixing with your pee!" Oh, the bonds four year olds share.
Money grubbing whore, huh? I would be flattered. I strive to attain that title!
240. moose said:
So, um, Heather, are you telling us that you didn't get a $600,000 book deal? You know you deserve that more than the gal who played with b