This is what happens when you tell the dog that no, he can't come to the grocery store with you and the baby
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
301. Graygirl said:
HA,HA, HA, HA.....Tools of Divinity and of course the Google ad is all about "Lasting Pleasure" for women!!!
302. juli said:
But of course. How dare you leave me alone while you to go out and socialize and possibly have encounters with *other people's dogs.*
303. moose said:
Ada, nope, sorry. Further south.
304. Ern said:
I feel like my whole belief structure is crashing around my ears--you mean neither uppercase GOD nor lowercase god are really God? I need to fast and pray!
Dooce--I like Windy's name. Ironically, since she is from the south, it would sound the same if her name was Wendy.
305. trisha said:
It's actually "Hi Yo, Silver."
306. cathy milw said:
Monkey means vagina?
Oh, crap, that's been my nick-name for my dog. And I used to call her "cooter" but then I found out that THAT meant vagina to some people.
I think I'm going to have to just start calling her vagina. Loud. In the park.
307. Ada said:
Ah, well, I seem to pop up everywhere... except on scratch and sniff underwear.
308. moose said:
cathy milw you made me laugh.
309. moose said:
and then there's the scratch-n-sniff thong...
http://tinyurl.com/57atq
which are on the shelf next to "slippery when wet" and "bald is beautiful"
my eyes have been opened.
310. Tammy said:
vengeful puppy. maybe you should have sent him to those classes they have at the hospital to teach your older child to be a good big brother/sister. I got to learn how to change diapers and stuff when I went.
311. moose said:
The Congressman is going to learn how to change diapers??
312. that-andrea said:
All that photo is missing is a little card that says, "Evidence". Naughty Chuck.
Can't wait for Chuck Friday!
313. annie said:
poor baby duck.
i hate dogs.
314. Mrs.Strizzay said:
She looks country. Not that that is a bad thing.
Your hair is getting so long(er)!
315. fatasianbaby said:
I might also mention that Mormons are my favorite religious group, other than Jews that is.
316. miss e said:
i blame you, heather b armstrong, for the fact that whenever i read "stay at home mom" i now think "shit ass ho motherfucker." this is primarily an issue when we're talking about stay at home moms in class. ha!
317. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
Jews do rule. The Beatles even wrote a song about us: "Hey Jews."
318. Susie said:
Add mine to all the Fish-wishes. Be well and happy, Fish and family. And um YOU bless you.
319. Gooooder said:
you look so happy in that picture!
and i am glad i'm not the only one who asks about the cock
bwahahahahahahklaejf;aldfj
320. the niffer said:
Wow. That was a great story about Windy.
And the comments today are so rocking my ass. This whole place makes me giggle.
321. La Pixiatrix said:
In honor of Fishy, a classic like Taj Mahal
Betcha goin fishin all of your time, baby's goin fishing too
Bet your life, your sweet life, catch more fish than you
Many fish bites if ya got good bait
Here's a little tip I would like to relate
Big fish bites if ya got a good bait
I'm a goin fishin
Yes I'm goin fishin
And my baby's goin fishin too.
322. Filed Under Annoying said:
I just got a call from some Oklahoman asshole person wanting to know if I am opposed to gay marriage.
So I press 1 and wait through a click and beep and no more than 20 seconds of silence. When Ashley gets on the phone and says "Thanks for opposing gay marriage"(because they are nasty evil people who should be killed) I proceeded to tell her what I really hated was organizations like the one she represents. Then I cursed a couple times and said MMKAY more than once.
Anyone else get those calls?
323. Henryk_DTG091305KFEB05 said:
cathy milw....thankfully you and your dog are on the other side of the globe...
324. annakay said:
i am another Fish fan who just had to de-lurk to say i will miss you too. when i come here, i feel like i'm sitting with a huge group of friends. there's always a few of us quiet ones who appreciate what the lively ones have to say. so this is actually a big thank you to everyone.
325. Dang cold..... said:
Lovely southern bells indeed.
I have to shut my eyes and conjure up images of John Lee Hooker, Muddy Waters, Robert Johnson and everything to do with the Mississippi Delta. Damn I'm glad we still have BB King.
326. cathy milw said:
Henryk + lettersandnumbers:
Other side of the globe from what?
327. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Anybody see that ABC World News Tonight is doing a spot on the employment-related consequences of blogging? Supposed to be on tomorrow night (6:30 pm EST). Wonder if Heather and/or "dooced" will be mentioned.
328. Dang cold... said:
"File under annoying"
I hope you're joking!!! I'm nauseous :S
329. Amanda B. said:
Wait. Hold it. Dooce. Did you really have a Mormon boyfriend named *KOVAR*?
330. Helen said:
How come you have a normal name like Heather, when you have a brother called Ranger, a sister called September, and know someone named Windy Lou? Methinks you may have secretly changed your name by deed poll along the way? C'mon, tell us what your real name is!!...
331. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Dang Cold, no lie. I just wish I had kept her on the line longer for a good brow beating.
332. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Heather's real name *is* Dooce.
333. Girl.A said:
Yeah, Amanda B, I've been wondering that too. The Kovar thing.
Cause I once had a *friends with benefits* relationship with this flashy chick named Mylar.
334. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Is she anything like Kevlar?
335. Carol said:
did we ever find out what dood balls are?
336. Danielle - so very tired said:
This popped into my head earlier and while it doesn't fit with the Kovar/Kevlar, Dood balls comments, it is all that is floating around between my ears right now
Fee, Fi, Fum, faaaaaaaaart
I smell the blood of a bill-less duck.
337. Danielle - shit said:
Shit.
That was supposed to be
*Fo*
You know, fee, fi, *fo* (fum)
going to bed now. giving up.
338. falimako said:
Oh man, when I saw that photo I laughed so hard I spat coffee onto my keyboard! That's ok though, the coffee tastes like shite because I just got a coffee machine and I can't work it properly.
339. cat said:
What the hell is a dood ball?
Ooooooh, wait: is THAT what you crazy kids are calling it these days?
340. LordGoon said:
Just thought I ought to tell you that your pal "Windy" is also of more than sufficient hotness to join our little soiree at the Best Western. Any time you fine ladies feel ready, just call out to the Goonster.
341. Lavanotes said:
well of COURSE that's what happens.
342. Squish said:
I haven't been here in a while(not while I was sober, anyway). Can someone tell me why and when FISH has gone away? Thanks in advance.
343. Mrs.Strizzay said:
He got smited.
344. tk said:
Ah... the fun of slumber parties - I'd nearly forgotten. Thank God I was never the first one to fall asleep. I'd be slaughtered now though, I fall asleep with company over at my place!
Oh yeah, you are SO going to Hell.... Hey, I'll be there too, we can party! Most of my friends will be there as well, so at least we can have a really good time.
345. linuxgrl said:
I just came home from a long day only to find out that Fish's blog is gone. I'm so sad! I had just fallen hopelessly in love with Tiny E and was looking forward to subjecting my family to many many adorable baby pictures. Whatever will I do? (cries)
346. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
"Everyone knows it's Win-deeeeeeeee."
347. ensie said:
That's it? That's all that happens when you say "no" to the dog at your house? You get off easy.
348. HDC said:
Dooce, you need to hang out with Wendy more! That's the most genuinely happy you've ever been in any pictures you've posted of yourself.
(I'd say the same about the wedding day pics, but most of the shots have you and Jon lip-locked).
349. Henryk_DTG091638KFEB05 said:
Cathy milw
On the other side of the globe (Oz.)...away from the sound of you calling out to your doggie !
350. Sque said:
W00t! #350 AGAIN!!! I'm on a ROLL I TELL YA!
351. The Old Broad said:
annakay said, "when i come here, i feel like i’m sitting with a huge group of friends. there’s always a few of us quiet ones who appreciate what the lively ones have to say. so this is actually a big thank you to everyone."
Chiming in to say *Me too* Long-time reader, not with-it enough to figure out how to comment (don't ask) until just recently, but I so feel like I'm among friends here in the comments section.
Amanda B, Bucky, Carol, Closet Metro, Dr. Johnny, Fish, Girl A, La Pix, MG2, Mrs Striz, Shiz, Squish, and all the rest...you make me laugh out loud every day with your shenanigans.
Heartfelt thanks to each and every one of you for making this old broad smile now and then.
Fish, you will be missed. Please don't be a stranger.
Dooce, keep on keepin' on! You help people every day with your wit and honesty! I appreciate you.
Um, okay, that's all I wanted to say.
*runs back under rock*
352. Meggan said:
I, like linuxgrl, went to Fish's blog today and panicked because, well, it was gone. I miss him. I wanted more pictures of Tiny E. Also, I had no idea that Fish was uppercase GOD, whom I really enjoyed as well. *sniff*
353. mg2 said:
Old Broad, that was touching. Do you want some of my dood balls?
354. The Old Broad said:
MG2:
*Giggle*
Sure!
*whispers to self - what are dood balls?*
355. mg2 said:
come over here and I'll show you, little girl.
356. bluecheese said:
unrelated to this photo, but you have prettty eyes!
357. Diana said:
Poor duck ;) hehe
358. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
I'm pretty sure I kneed a guy in the dood balls one time.
Or maybe twice.
359. mg2 said:
I'm pretty sure I enjoy licking dood balls, but only when they're soft and salty.
360. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Wasn't there a rock song about that? "Dood Balls to the Wall"?
361. Kristen said:
I had the best dream last night. Dooce had a supporting role in a blockbuster movie!
362. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Just please don't tell us the blockbuster movie was "Anal Biker Chicks."
363. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Sorry, must be as obnoxious as possible, as quickly as possible, because I will be away from my computer most of the day. *bleh*
364. Big Gay Sam said:
sex.. with.. gay men... *erp* The visuals are apalling...
there should be a law against that!
No worries. As long as Bush is in office there will be.
:oP
365. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
So, Sam. . .Anal Biker Chicks are OK, but Anal Biker Dudes are right out?
366. annabelle said:
Has Heather ever acknowledged the very real possibility that she may have been still just a little Mormon while copulating with gay men in L.A.? That perhaps her motivation was conversion- a-la (is that how you write that?) the Jena Malone character in "Saved"? Where's the pic today? I told five friends last night about this website including an ex-Mormon from Utah who starts to sweat whenever he gets within a hundred miles of Utah- he was so cynical about Mormons that even when I told him how much Heather curses and drinks and is irreverent in general, he still insisted she must still be a little Mormon (Of course HE doesn't...), which led me to wonder if Heather's gay lovin' wasn't evangelically motivated.
367. annabelle said:
Excuse me, I meant "Of course, HE isn't..."
368. Cathi said:
Annabelle,
How could someone completely exorcise every last bit of conditioning from organized religion? As much as I'd like to think I've separated myself from the church I can't agree with or blindly accept, it's all I knew growing up; it's a part of my mindset... an emotional scar.
With Dooce, I see it in the phraseology she chooses... "Heavenly Father" isn't a regular term in the Roman Catholic church; I'm assuming it's a Mormon thing. It's no endorsement -- just what she knows or was conditioned to say. That's really hard to erase.
369. annabelle said:
Cathi, I am in complete agreement. My post was meant to be tongue in cheek- I was teasing, that's all- because certainly Heather can't completely erase her religious heritage.
370. Circus Kelli said:
Am I last?!
371. Dang cold... said:
No I am..hand me that cepter!!
372. Cathi said:
I got you Annabelle, but I don't speak Mormon or "Saved," so I have no idea what the copulating with gay homosexuals has to do with it.
I'm intrigued by the discussion, though... what power Heather must wield to entice a man who's not attracted to women. It's pretty impressive, no?