This is what happens when you have to go pee, and the baby insists upon joining you
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
1. Jentle said:
first
2. Marcie said:
Been there, done that!
3. Katie said:
So cute!
4. rosie said:
cute!!
5. Jentle said:
So. Cute.
6. teri said:
Whatever it takes!
7. Kristen said:
Cutest baby ever. SO funny
8. Pip said:
Awww, cute!
9. contessa said:
even better? you brought your camera INTO THE BATHROOM. Priceless!
10. sarah said:
Man I have been there.
11. Jentle said:
Ha. Insomnia really does have its uses. ;)
12. Jen said:
Just this morning, when i stepped out of the shower, I found my 2 year old daughter with 5 panty liners stuck to her shirt.
13. Adam said:
I suppose it's never too early to learn about menstruation.
14. smacks said:
I think you're doing more than peeing....
15. eva said:
I love the way she's pointing her toes :) And the thigh folds!
16. CanadianAmy said:
well at least they are 'sanitary' toys!
17. christy said:
Leta - Now with wings!
18. Sarah said:
What I want to know is, what did she build with all those panty liners? A hat? A plane? What?
19. Circus Kelli said:
Oh yeah... and when the doorbell rings when you're not quite done and you hurry up and finish and pick up the baby and answer the door with her in your arms, and she's holding several feminine hygiene products, the person at your door will look at you funny.
Consider yourself warned.
20. Dre said:
That is hilarious! Thanks for the good laugh to start my day.
21. Kelly said:
Does anyone else find it weirdly amusing that Dooce brings the D70 with her while peeing? :-D Now THAT'S the kind of committed photographer I want to be!! LOL
22. Dee said:
Always a picture moment in the bathroom!
23. Dr. Johnny Fever said:
Carefree indeed.
24. JP said:
She is just the cutest bug in the world...I mean besides my two.
25. Circus Kelli said:
Dr. Johnny Fever said at 07:20AM, 02.02.2005:
Carefree indeed.
Yup, Always.
26. Matt in London said:
Looks like she's practising gymnastics.....'and stretch...' etc etc
27. melantha said:
You are so going to pin that to your wall when she's 13 and wants to bring boys over to the house.
28. jules said:
you mean everyone doesn't take their d70 peeing? I do.
(:3
29. beachgal said:
Man, she's anxious to learn about periods, isn't she? What great toys those must have made. Did she get upset when you cleaned up the mess?
30. maria said:
oh so cute! thanks for the laugh!
31. Jeni Reno said:
Now, that's goooooood stuff!
32. Alexandrialeigh said:
Wow, Heather -- Her hair is SO RED in that picture!
I am so jealous. I always wanted red hair.
33. sweetney said:
this photo looks as though you caught her in the middle of performing a show-stopping musical number entitled "that not-so-fresh-feeling."
34. cee said:
heee heeee! Ah the fun days of "nothing stays in its place anymore...."
35. Stephen McKenna said:
How 'carefree'.
36. Shailyn said:
I dont really have much to say other than the obvious... Leta is adorable, and I have NEER been this high on the comments before SWEEEET!!!! Now I must go Nanny another adorable child..... Good luck with the sleep thing Dooce!!!
37. The Wife said:
At least she's getting used to them now. She'll hate them later. Next time you put her in the tub give her a few of them. The float like a boat! Use tampons for torpedos.
38. alyssa said:
Just wait until she actually needs to use one of those!
39. AgMommy said:
Ahhhhh, remnants of pregnancy
40. Cheryl said:
What a natural woman!! That is the first thing that I look for when I enter a bathroom... Leta is a girl after my own heart!
41. andrea said:
Reminds me of a time I was making out with my BF (I was still living at home) ... I heard my dog going on a rampage in the living room. After awhile I got up to see what was going on. He pulled a HUGE box of pads out from underneath the bathroom sink and had completely shredded it.
Pads, more dead than alive, were scattered all over the house. I was mortified, to say the least. My boyfriend was speechless.
Ah, to be a teenager again.
42. Dea said:
Yeah, my daughter calls those things Mama's diapers. Little does she know what I used one dark night when my supply of "diapers" ran out and hers were so handy...
43. WIcked H said:
Jeez, don't let that designer from Trading Spaces see this picture. Otherwise she may use panty liners in her next design...
Curious Leta sure looks happy :-)
44. Goose said:
Maybe she's ready to move on from diapers.
Everyone's already said it, so this is kinda redundant, but you do have the most adorable frog in the world.
45. *AGK* said:
Just wait until she comes out when you have company wearing one on her head, or when she puts one on as a band-aid. Or decorates the bathroom with them and you don't know and then you have guests! Good times...
46. Dang cold... said:
LOL
When I was a wee lad I found my mothers dispenser which she used to apply spermicidal foam. I was pretending it was a ray gun when she caught me with it.
Have a nice day all!!
47. red said:
PANTY LINERS! oh the joy!!
48. Chris said:
Leta, you'll see enough of those in the future!
49. Circus Kelli said:
These stories are great!
Kids and pets -- God's remedy for seriousness.
When Punkin got into the box of 'liners, she would pull one out of the box, stare at it for a moment, then slowly pull another one out of the box. I used a very serious voice and told her "those are feminine hygiene products". She looked up at me with a wonderous expression and said "Oooooo" before going back to her reverent inspection of said items.
50. megan said:
you even bring your camera to the toilet?? impressive! LOL
51. Fish said:
She either tore that stuff out in record time, or you reaaaaaally had to take a leak, cause that's a big old mess.
52. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
At least she's not licking the toilet like my "baby" does when he visits me in the bathroom.
Of course, my "baby" is a dog.
Your mileage may vary.
53. piousbetty said:
Your house always looks really clean.
54. sleepingmommy said:
I had a cousin who when he was a young boy was looking for bandaids for a scrape. He found his mom's panty liners and used one of them.
55. Amanda B. said:
Mmmmm....baby toes. Kisskisskiss.
She looks like she's in the middle of her morning Pilates routine. Let's see how many people say that today.
Whoops, Matt beat me to it!
56. Pissy Britches said:
The only thing that would have made this picture better would be if one of the pads was stuck to her forehead.
Too freakin cute.
57. dollface said:
ah yes, what my brother calls Agent of Entropy
58. The Wife said:
I love the legs. Chubby and adorable.
59. kerrie said:
I don't remember what it was like to be able to pee or shower without an audience on the floor. I wonder if I could go on my own now?! Yesterday must have been something in the air, we had tears for over an hour because he didn't want to go to sleep - and that was both of us crying. I resorted to the drive around in circles idea and he just sat there singing away quite happily and didn't sleep a wink. What is it with these kids?
I had a friend whose child thought that her tampax were sweeties and unwrapped one and put it in his mouth - imagine the shock when it just expanded and tasted of cotton wool!! Bet he never did that again..
60. gordon said:
my cat has decided that when I am in the shower, she has decided to invite herself into the bathroom and then start meowing at the top of her lungs...scares me half to death...its almost like Pysco (yes she still has her front claws).
61. itsme said:
No wings? HOW DO YOU USE THEM WITHOUT WINGS???
62. Girl.A said:
Yeah my baby insists on coming into the bathroom and licking water off my feet.
But she's a cat.
63. atpanda said:
Adorable Leta! Soon she's going to be old enough to actually use those. Time flies... *sigh*
64. Amy said:
I was reading 'Leta's Goddess of Love' when my two year old son walked into the room and saw Leta and starting screaming gleefully. "Who dat baby?" "That's Leta." "Leta! Leta come play in the nowie wit me! Leta! Come wit me!" I tried to explain that Leta lives in Utah and we live in Nova Scotia but I dont think he understood as he is currently putting on his snowsuit to go play with Leta. lol
65. Moxie said:
Just wait till she decides that tampons are best ejected, rocket-like, in the living room.
While the delivery guy watches in horror.
66. Leta Eater said:
..do interviews take place with this animal (still not sure what a groundhog is but Im guessing kinda possum/wombat like) to ask if he did indeed see his shadow??
sorry but the Ground hog day thing still gets me, although thank you Tiff and Bucky for shedding some light...next big event is Easter and we celebrate with the Bilby, not the bunny...go figure but Im kind like that- if you're cool with me having my bilby then bunny it up!
LETA, I COULD EAT HER! Slather butter on those thighs, or some wing sauce and go crazy...but Dooce: whats this? *gasp* she's sockless?? or are we over that debacle?
Welcome to Thursday my fellow Ozzies, Im off to bed...everyone else: have a rewarding day!
67. Colleen from NJ said:
Wait until she learns that soaking wet tampons stick to the ceiling.
68. Colleen from NJ said:
Girl.A, would that be bladder water?
69. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Wet tampons stick to the ceiling????
Wait a sec. . .
Whoa, you're right, Colleen! But the maintenance guys are gonna whip my ass now.
70. Southern Fried Girl said:
OH MY GOD - BABY FEET!!!! How do you not eat them?
71. Daisy said:
My precious baby loves tampons. She likes to bring them out when we have company. It's super fun!!
72. Jennifer in Kansas City said:
She's just helpin'! :) Did she discover the stick-side, or was she content to just sort them? "mini, medium, maxi, uh, featherbed, uh, body pillow, uh, down comforter, hm, where do we put the mattress-sized ones, mommy?"
73. Janis said:
Moxie-- BTDT but a bit different.
Hubby and I were lying in bed, cuddling and talking. Kids were up and anxious for us to get up so we could have breakfast.
Said kids then commence to shooting us with "parachutes" in an attempt to get us moving.
My son, now almost 20, still turns beet red when I remind him that he thought tampons were parachutes.
He goes even redder if I bring up how he used to make roads for his hotwheels with panty liners.
I can make him leave the room by mentioning how he once make full body armor out of them.
Ahhhhh The joys of parental memories!
74. Jules said:
Sarah said at 07:17AM, 02.02.2005:
What I want to know is, what did she build with all those panty liners? A hat? A plane? What?
laugh, that reminds me, I have a planner from last year that i didn't really use much. It's caled the Bad girl's date book or something. Anyway, in it, it has instructions on how to color a panty liner black and how to cut it in order to make a disguise or eyebrows, amustache and a beard so that you can spy on people. even has illustrations. I'll scan it when ig et home from work.
(:3
75. Girl.A said:
Colleen, ewwwwwwwwwwwwww. I use tp.
The cat only licks up her own "bladder water". Off her pussy I would guess.
76. The Wife said:
Full body armor? OMG
77. mg2 said:
I also enjoy flinging maxi pads around the bathroom. They're soft, cushy and super-absorbent!
78. Icy said:
andrea, at least they weren't used. My friend's poodle use to dig in the trashcan for used pads and bring them into the living room to enjoy. Oh the embarrassment my friend endured. HA! I thought it was hilarious!!
79. Stephanie said:
Feeling Guilty. . .
. . . for actually giving my 15 month old daughter a tampon to play with so I could make a phone call. It was at least 10 minutes of entertainment: the unwrapping and then the three pieces--just like a puzzle--to play with and, yes, chew on! And, yes, when she later took one out of my purse, she walked into the room with the string in her mouth and the tampon dangling in the breeze. The babysitter was horrified.
80. Dang cold... said:
Amy..thats a cute story. Hope he doesn't take it too hard and scream when the disappointment sets in that Leta won't be joining him.
whoops! boss coming...later!
81. Shmee said:
I stick them on my baby's head and laugh while he tries to figure out how to get it off. Good times.
82. Courtney said:
HA HA HA HA (insert peeing pants here)!!!!!
My sister, as a toddler, once pulled a tampon out of my mother's purse, IN CHURCH, took it apart, and used it like a telescope. The family behind us almost had to leave, they could not contain their laughter.
83. Carol said:
GirlA - lmao. way to jumpstart the day.
You're getting a lot of "wait untils", but wait until they start getting interested in you and what you are doing and trying to help. Eeek.
84. Liv said:
Look at that excellent straddle posture! She's going to be a gymnast!
Really, she's just adorable. So cute!
85. Liz said:
And you insist on taking the camera. I love it.
86. The Wife said:
Courtney--that's awesome
87. Cindy said:
sorry for the caps; button is stuck --- when my four kids were little, they would slam tampons (still wrapped) skinny end down into the floor as hard as they could. the tampon would shoot out like a rocket. they called them 'coupons' (couldn't say tampons) --- for a while, any toy rocket, or rocket on tv was referred to as a coupon! ~~look at the coupon mommy~!
88. Mary said:
That is GREAT! A guy friend of mine was at a nanny job with me once when the kids' mom got home, and as we were all standing around chatting, the baby was pulling all the tampons out of her mom's bag. The mom said something funny about how my friend probably didn't need to see those, when her four-year-old son piped up, "Those go inside your body. When you're done with them you can flush them down the toilet." She, horrified, muttered something about how she guessed her son had been paying a little more attention than she thought when he followed her into the bathroom. My friend, who wasn't shy about those sorts of things anyway, just cracked up. He said it was one of the funniest things he had ever heard in his life.
89. Ummmm said:
all three parts Steph? Im confused, and yes Im a woman...
90. Colleen from NJ said:
Bucky, Girl.A, Courtney, you're all cracking me up!... ooo, gotta go pee. (maybe bring my camera,see what's happening to my personal products, too.) can't be as great as today's pic.
91. Sherri said:
That's absolutely adorable.
And hey, we use the same pantyliners!
I remember when my 2 youngest brothers were little, they discovered tampons, and would unwrap them, pull out the cotton part and throw it in the toilet and then watch in amazement at they nufurled like flowers (apparently only the Playtex kind do this).
92. Mrs.Strizzay said:
I want to squish her thigh and wrist rolls.
93. kim said:
jay, panty-liner-and-tampon-talk ON TOP of a picture with leta SITTING UP. OH THE JOY. made my day (once more)
94. mg2 said:
oh my god cindy, the cuteness of that story is making me light headed. look at the coupon mommy... how did you keep your composure??
95. Miss Mea-Mea said:
for Halloween one year, my mother made my Snoopy costume. Little did I know that she made the ears out of sanitary pads stuffed inside of black socks, glued to a headband. I have a picture somewhere. I look remarkably happy for an 8 year old with Stayfree ear muffs.
96. Lis said:
Who else besides Heather could take a picture of her kid playing with pads while she sits on the shitter, and make it look cool?
97. cat said:
Okay, my mother went through this phase (grandma's idea!) where she was making "Rubber Trees." Basically, fake plants decorated with, well, RUBBERS in assorted colors, and a risque little poem. For kicks and giggles, naturally. Because she and grandma are WEIRD.
You can imagine her horror when-- while she was entertaining some church friends, of course-- my youngest brother came out of her bedroom, his little hands held aloft, every darn finger encased in "balloons" (pretty!)
Yep. Thank goodness they weren't the lubricated ones. Ew.
98. Colleen from NJ said:
kids and tampons...perfect together. (where's Cristin?)
99. Paige said:
haha!
Nothing beats your kid walking up to you with a (thankfully) still-wrapped tampon saying, "Please?"
He thinks they're some kind of special secret candy that is only kept under the bathroom sink.
100. Pay The Plumber said:
never flush, bad people!
101. Christine said:
LOL! my niece did the same things, except tampons ended up being in her nose.....oh boy!
102. Sarah said:
Hilarious! Great pic... so funny.
103. Jessie said:
At least she didn't shove tampons up her nose right?
104. Ana said:
She is a little angel!
105. Fish said:
*Hork, spit, fart, belch*
Yeah, you know dem panty-whoserwhatsits make some fine degreasing pads fer cleaning, greasing n' re-packin' dem ball bearings, der hey.
(testosterone levels restored)
106. CDNRXBY said:
"Must... destroy... bathroom!"
What an adorable little girl. At least when she hits puberty she'll know what to DO with them! :-)
107. Mari said:
oh god, that's great. You can just see Leta's delight.
108. Girl.A said:
Fishdude,
I can't believe you just admitted you polish your balls with light days sanitary pads.
109. cat said:
You know, people underestimate the myriad uses of a good solid tampon. Oh the places it goes!
Bloody nose? Tampax!
Dripping faucet? Tampax!
Earache? Tampax!
Faux-snow for art project? Tampax!
It's all about ingenuity, folks.
110. VDOprincess said:
I say just let her play with them and then send her to answer the door next time you get Mormon visitors, just so you can watch the very proper young men's faces as they studiously ignore what she's playing with.
111. Fish said:
Girl A., I didn't say polish.
I said de-grease.
112. carol said:
BTW, Fish? What is *hork* ?
113. Girl.A said:
Looking at the pic more closely,
it would appear that an adult gave Leta the box of box pads.
Also, I am thinking it went something like this:
Dooce: Hey, self, I gotta pee!
starts to leave room
Leta: screeeheeeeheeeam
Dooce: Ok, Leta you can ride shot gun
Leta: bububbub
Dooce: Wait on sec, honey, mommy has to grab the not very small and not very lightweight camera first.
114. Jaia said:
Wow, all you people seem to have been very open with your use of feminine hygiene products.
My mom, I swear, kept hers locked in the basement somewhere. I didn't even know they existed until I was twelve, which was its own set of fun stories.
115. VDOprincess said:
Cat-
Didn't they make a commercial based on that very idea? One that involved a boat with a leak and it being plugged with a tampon? And the commercial kinda bombed because the whole idea of whipping out your handy-dandy tampax, waving it about, and plugging a hole while on a date was just a bit much for the average person.
Which doesn't erase the fact that they are TERRIBLY useful things to have around.
116. MyChelle said:
After a visit to my house when her molars were coming in, my niece thought playtex tampons were the BEST EVER teething soother ...and my sis (who is a non-tamponer) fully endorsed this by buying them SPECIFICALLY FOR my niece!! wonder what niece's future therapist will say about all this?
117. LadyBug said:
Cute pic, as always.
All this talk reminds me of the America's Funniest Videos clip, where the two young boys find some tampons and take them to their mother. "Mom, look! Dynamite!" (They _seriously_ thought they'd found dynamite.) She asks them what they should do, and they respond, "Call the police!"
118. Jason said:
I don't care who you are, you have a kid, you've been here. The worst is when you're droppin' a deuce and they start into something they shouldn't and you have to do one of those emergency waddles over to them to take it away, as not to smear your crap up your crack prior to whiping. PUT THAT DOWN!!!
119. closet metro said:
Thanks Fish. I was stranded through a hundred testosterone free comments. Can't we get back to lube?
120. TulsaOkie said:
Damn, and here I was thinking that my daughter was the only one w/ the talent of single-handedly tearing out every feminine product under the counter in 1.2 seconds flat. Glad to know she isn't alone w/ her talent!
121. Jon in Michigan said:
Apparently its most likely to happen when you bring the camera when you go to pee also!
122. Girl.A said:
Jason, precisely what I was wondering here.
Was she in one of those emergency-waddles-turned-raptured-picture-taking-pants-around-the-ankles-crouch-on-the-bathroom-floor?
123. carol said:
LadyBug - I love that one! It was hilarious.
And because my inner hippie is emerging... (does that sound dirty?)
http://store.refreshinglyfree.com/fehy.html
124. Chanelbaby said:
So today on my way to work I saw Leta's face sticking out of a recycling bin and I grabbed it. NYT article. Very cool (massive) photo of her. How bizarre is it that I know what your child looks like SO WELL that I spotted her out of the corner of my eye on a folded newspaper in a recycling bin?
125. Fish said:
*hork* is the noise one makes when coughing up an extra-specially lugubrious loogy,
followed shortly by the loud *spit-kerSPLAT* as one expels said loogy on the garage floor before turning back to de-greasing the ball bearings.
126. Dale Cruse said:
The person who was first should have said "I'm Number One." HA! Get it?! Pee = Number One. I'm so funny. Not.
127. cat said:
VDOprincess-
There was a commercial? And it BOMBED?! No. I don't believe it. It's so INNOVATIVE! I'd TOTALLY buy tampons advertised in such a way!
And, um, Jason? EW! I'm so not kidding. I just vomited a little in my mouth and had to swallow it down... because, TMI, much?
128. mg2 said:
Heather, you are SO superfuckingfamous... Ozzy is in your living room? IN HIS UNDIES?! I hope you offered him some pantyliners because you know how it is, Ozzy can't be inconvenienced with traditional toileting techniques.
129. Vanessa said:
You're lucky Leta is learning about such things at a young age. I was a sheltered child -- damn Catholic upringing. When I was about 4 or 5 I thought I'd try and be just like mommy and put on a maxipad... except I stuck it to my body and proudly paraded downstairs to show my mother. If I had only known.
130. Fish said:
Wait a minute ... those things are STICKY?
131. U.B. said:
When I first stumbled across feminine hygiene products, my sisters oh-so-helpfully told me to go ask my Mom. The poor thing. So shy and *so* proper and I stomp in the kitchen to ask her what 'tampooooons' are?
May have been one of the more disturbing, yet clinical, discussions of my young life.
132. Girl.A said:
Fishybane,
Yeah they're sticky and they vibrate too.
133. Fish said:
Girl A. said: "Jason, precisely"
I hated that fucker on 90210. I betcha he was always getting into the panty-liners when he was a kid.
134. amelia said:
Was dooce dropping a deuce?
135. Fish said:
we're not talking about re-packing ball bearings anymore, are we, Girl A.?
136. carol said:
GirlA - what brand do you buy, b/c I want those!
137. haplys said:
You're lucky you get a relief when Jon comes home from work every night. Some people don't have that luxury. When my girls were one month old and I was alone battling postpartum depression with them and feeling sorry for myself about my husband being in Iraq for the next 8 months, I just thought about the poor bastards who don't even have that on the horizon, and are just alone. Thank God we're not single moms. :)
138. Courtney said:
The sister involved in earlier comment also once tripped a nun, who was on her way up the aisle to receive communion, during Easter Sunday mass.
139. Amanda B. said:
See, kids can get away with this kind of thing. The last time I tried it, I got arrested. It's really not fair.
140. Circus Kelli said:
Haplys -- I grew up with a single Mom. My sis and I are not quite a year apart in age -- I honestly don't know how my Mom did it.
141. SEK said:
Leta's adorable. Period.
Happy Birthday to my little one today, he is 1!
142. Rebecca Ann said:
You always manage to give me a daily dose of laugh-my-ass-off. Well, at least it wasn't condoms she discovered (gulp)... Can you imagine the possibilities?
Food for thought: Fingernail polish. When I was 4 or 5 years old, I once painted our entire upstairs banister, piano keys, dresser, dad's belt & wallet with hot pink nail polish. I never did find out how they cleaned it up. But, I still love hot pink to this day!
143. stella said:
Y'all crack my ass up!
144. Jason said:
Dooce, if you read this, ask Jon to check out your site using the Opera browser, you're getting some weird thing going on with the spacing on your numbering on your comments - bleeding into the light blue border...they don't even show up in explorer. I KNOW ITS OFF SUBJECT, but I'm too lazy to send an email.
145. Susannah said:
Just when you think there is nothing cuter than baby chocolate face, here is baby feminine hygiene. Heather, you know that you MUST pull this picture out in 15 years. I mean, you DID already say that you'd pay for her therapy.
And Girl A--PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD let us know where you buy your pantyliners. I've been missing out!
146. Melissa said:
Has anyone noticed the ads on the front page?
Christian Singles!
followed by
Lasting Pleasure?
Natural sexual health product for women.
147. Girl.A said:
Carol,
*buy??!?*
I don't buy them, they just appear in my mailbox with some red roses and chocolates.
148. Mrs.Strizzay said:
As long is she didn't put the goldfish from your panties in her mouth your all good. She did didn't she? EEEW!
149. Seth said:
All parents, myself included, have had this happen to them. I guess I'm just surprised you had the camera handy, but I really shouldn't be. You take some great candid shots and this is one of the most universal for parents of small children. Thanks for the great site.
150. U.B. said:
Man, I want Girl A's pantyliners as well. Sure, I'm a guy, but they sound great for long, football watching afternoons...
151. haplys said:
Circus Kelli- I hope you treat her right on Mother's Day. :)
Only about another month and a half for me, God willing, and I've promised my husband he's getting at least the first 20 shitty diapers.
152. Marti said:
Me, too.
153. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Ladies they have those already, go to the back of Cosmo magazine...you know where all those black and white ads are.
Look for the one with the smiling woman, it should say something like secret hidden erotic panties.
154. Sarah said:
At least she's not pulling the curtains off of the window!
155. Fish said:
Girl.A, you forgot that I always put some astroglide in there with the roses and chocolates ...
I mean, your secret admirer does. yeaaaah... that's it ...
156. jules said:
you mean ozzy actually wears underwear?
no cable. ):3
157. Circus Kelli said:
Haplys -- not as good as I should, I'm afraid. :)
Ha! You know, in order for him to really have the opportunity to change as many diapers as possible -- I think you should take a REAL LONG RECOVERY time. Especially if you're feeling fine. You can fake aches and pains and stuff for a while. Unfortunately, I didn't get this piece of advice until AFTER my kids were born...
158. Girl.A said:
NOPE, there's never any astroglide in my care packages.
I bet the mailman is bogarting the lube! Bastard.
159. tamara said:
very cute. my 4 year old son will take my tampons out of the box and pretend they're cigars.
160. Fish said:
He's probably using it to degrease HIS ball bearings.
161. Andrea in Canada said:
Dooce, do you have your camera attached around your neck at all times?? LOL
Great shot, very nice bathroom! I like, I like!
One tomorrow...more toddler adventures to come.
162. lavonne said:
dooce, use this page to convert nytimes links for your dad and others who don't want to register next time leta's gorgeous mug is featured:
http://nytimes.blogspace.com/genlink
sorry i couldn't find this at the time.
p.s. nytimes.com links converted with this utility don't expire. :o]
163. LadyBug said:
I can't believe no one's responded to this yet.
SEK said at 08:41AM, 02.02.2005:
Leta’s adorable. Period.
*GUFFAW*
164. Vanessa said:
Does anyone own the swiffer wet jet? Am I the only one that realizes that the absorbent sheets you stick to the bottom are just modified Always maxis?!
165. Dave said:
"These are the goofiest looking sticky notes I've ever seen...."
166. sab said:
At least when she needs them 10+ years from now she will know where you keep them!
167. becca said:
Trust me. Every embarassing ointment and every form of birth control and every female product will be discovered by your child, and usually when company is over.
168. Trance said:
My son is six, and I *still* have to hide the tampons because he thinks shooting them is the greatest thing in the world. One time he swiped one and colored it with markers, and it did make a pretty bitchin' rocket.
Don't let her stick pads to her hair - they are a BITCH to get off. OW.
169. laurenbove said:
Damn, Dooce - That's a clean bathroom! Leta's looking absolutely precious and those chubby thighs..! Oh, how cute. Son, Trevor *used* to think tampons were rocket ships. He showed me one that he mocked up with little windows and U.S.A. on the side. I almost burst a gut trying not to laugh as I told him what a good job he did, but perhaps this should be an "inside toy."
170. Rachel said:
The three ads on the main page:
LASTING PLEASURE
Natural sexual health product for women.
DUCK DUCK GOOSE
Kee-Ka for the wee ones!
CHRISTIAN SINGLES
Find Dates, Friends, Browse Photos.
These are totally in the wrong order. At least for the Christian part.
171. laurenbove said:
Trance? Our posts, ironic or what? Are we related...ha! Our kids obviously have excellent imaginations.
172. Jenguin said:
You guys crack me up - always a great way to start the day!
173. Charlotte said:
Vanessa - YES! I so thought I was the only one. The first thing I said when I bought it was - these are just giant maxis.
When I was maybe 4 or so, I found my sister's tampons. I asked my mom about them, and just got the standard "when you are old enough, we'll tell you" speech. I thought they were roll of pennies. Why would I think that?
174. Shannon said:
Great picture. It took me a minute to realize what she was playing with. I'm still laughing.
175. Felicia said:
I really hope you don't beat yourself up for trying the drive-around to get your baby to sleep. So many of my friends had all of these grand plans and schemes about parenting based on lots of reading and observation and careful thought. And the truth is that they had yet to consult the most important person in the parenting process. The baby is an individual. A beautiful, intelligent, stubborn individual without the means to communicate really well with us and leading to lots of guessing and trying anything we can think of to make precious eat/sleep/stop crying etc. I think it's been a lot harder on my friends than they ever anticipated. I still cringe when one of these brilliant and loving folks starts a sentence with "I know I will never..."
If Leta is the genius I think she is one day she will paper the bathroom with your supplies. Make sure to take a picture before you clean up.
cheers,
Felicia
176. Trance said:
Laurenbove: Maybe we could have a Tampon Rocket-off!
177. Charlotte said:
Then when I did get my period, my mom gave me those old-time maxis that you have to tie into a belt.
No wonder I'm in therapy.
I still love my mom, bless her heart, she's just not very modern.
178. Trance said:
That sounded sooooo wrong...
179. Trance said:
What I meant to say was, tampon rocket coloring contest, etc. Ahem.
180. Em said:
Happy last day of official babyhood to Leta. But, of course, she'll always be YOUR (and Jon's!) baby.
Have fun.
181. Invert Girl said:
Such a cutie! When I was that age and my mom ended up on a long phone call, I would find the box of sandwich baggies, sit in the middle of the kitchen floor and pull them out one by one.
182. Fran said:
I like your bathroom design and decor.
183. Girl.A said:
Trance, Oh yeah!
Tampon-coloring contest sounds so much better!
184. me said:
first
NYTimes reader
185. Trance said:
In my head it sounded so much better. As so many things do...
186. Colleen from NJ said:
when you look at the thumbmnail really fast, it looks like a box of Valentine's Day donuts. If you're hungry.
187. LadyBug said:
Um, yeah...Colleen? I tried that. It's just you, hon. Put the baby down, and get you some breakfast, mmkay?
188. Allison said:
Hey Dooce!
I'm delurking because all this reminds me of when my sister was 1ish and I was 14ish - I came downstairs one day to see her running out of my mom's room, screaming, with a banner of wrapped condoms trailing behind her. I remember thinking "hey, those are condoms! Why do we have cond-EEEEEEEEEW GROSS!"
I love your blog. Leta is adorable. That is all.
189. jules said:
Laugh.. my cat, Noah, is obsessed with tampons. he'll hunt them out of a drawer or cry and whine to get under the sink where the box is. I don't even use them anymore but they're still around and about. Once he gets one, he'll play with it and it pops up all over the house.. he plays with it til it's out of it's paper wrapper, then out of the cardboard tube, then he'll carry it arond the house like it's a little mouses.. I'm thinking of doing a series of photos of him going at it..
190. laurenbove said:
Trancy: You said it just fine! Sure, why not a rocket-off? We could shoot 'em from the roof tops into buckets for beers or juice pops, whatever.
<>
191. Girl.A said:
Trance,
Hey we all do it!
Like when I yelled out "Hey, I happen to know she's not really a virgin" about my brother's wife at their wedding reception. In reference to her white dress that someone said looked so "virginal".
Or when I sang "Let's Get Drunk and Screw" as a joke for the roaming videographer at my grandparent's 50th wedding anniversary party.
192. Sarah said:
A friend of mine has to keep bathroom doors shut at all times, because the dog will DIG out and try to EAT *used feminine products* from the trash.
Yeah.
193. Ms. Belle said:
Leta playing with pantyliners doesn't bother me...what DOES bother me is that it looks like our beloved Heather had her camera with her when she was using the bathroom. Good work multitasking!
194. Sarah said:
My brother: Where's that forty dollar bouncer I bought for that baby?
Me: In the bathroom, dumbass.
195. Sandy said:
Ha ha I am reminded of my next door neighbor growing up, Peter, who was like 3 or 4 years old at the time. We found him in our back yard launching tampons into the air in an all out air strike on a GI Joe action figure and semi-naked Ken doll.
196. laurenbove said:
hmmmm, tampons and scantily clad male action figures....
197. Annejelynn said:
(learing throat)
Will someone give me someBBQ sauce and some 'napkins' puhleeze - ? and I will now proceeeed to gnaw on sweet, adorable baby thighs! and deliciously dimpled baby hands!
198. Chessy said:
Fantastic! I am so in love with your kid. She looks so flexible. Maybe she could be a gymnast. :)
When my best friend's daughter was about three I used to clean house with her dangling from my back. I also used to have the non-private potty time. Man, it is funny how much you miss that.
Thanks for making my wait to have my own child so tolerable. You are amazing.
199. Annejelynn said:
CLEARING throat...(don't know how a throat lears/leers) sorry
200. kristine said:
Kara running in to the bathroom to get a brush and sees me sitting there. "whatcha doin' mom?"
I look at the tampon..."Shootin' up"
201. LadyBug said:
I'm surprised Closet Metro has not passed out cold at the possibility of shitmist on Dooce's D70. (Or has he? Metro? Metro? Bueller? Bueller?)
202. french toast girl said:
Oh god, yes.
203. megan said:
horrible tampon story coming - beware - (i'm only sharing this b/c Cindy shared the "coupon" story and it reminded me) my daughter comes in the bathroom with me every weekday while i shower so i can keep an eye on her. on tampon days, she's right there beside me while i put one in and every time she points to the string hanging down and asks "what's that mommy?" "it's a tampon" "oh, a tam-mon? is it in your hiney?" "no, it's in my vagina." "oh, can i have a tammon in my gina?" "no, not yet, honey! -- No! Don't grab it! Micah! Get your hand away from my vagina! Micah!" every.time.
204. ella's ma said:
I SO feel your pain.
I love the weekends when my husband is home and I can pee and shower, alone, with the door CLOSED. It's a beautiful thing.
205. Colleen from NJ said:
*just came back from Hershey Kiss breakfast*
You're right, LadyBug. Just a box of Carefrees, not Tastykakes.
206. We interrupt this tampon to bring you said:
*Wisconsin groundhog begs to differ with Phil*
Associated Press
February 2, 2005
SUN PRAIRIE, Wis. -- Jimmy the Groundhog could not see his shadow Wednesday because it was cloudy, and he thus predicted an early spring.
The more famous Punxsutawney Phil, however, did see his shadow at Punxsutawney, Pa., indicating there will be another six weeks of wintry weather there.
The groundhog predictions are rooted in a German superstition that, if a hibernating animal casts a shadow Feb. 2 - the Christian holiday of Candlemas - then more bad weather is in store. If no shadow is seen, legend says spring will come early.
Jimmy also predicted an early spring last year and was correct, Chase said.
207. kristine said:
Ella's ma,
WHAT? how could you deny your children, mommy-peeing-showering-time?
LOL. My kids range from 14 to 6 and I *STILL* can't remember the last time I got to close the door while using the bathroom. I tried it once...and it just felt weird listening to Alyx try to talk to me through the door.
I was cleaning the bathroom and I found Jimmy Hoffa behind my bathroom door. He has been safely hiding there for years knowing that no one would ever shut that door or look behind it.
208. Molly said:
THAT is a classic picture! and oh so true.
209. Catherine said:
Did you eat the cheddar cheese goldfish?
210. Annejelynn said:
yesterday, this time of morning, there were only 111 posts...Leta definitely generates dooce traffic -- mind you, this is noooo shocker. She's just so damn cute!!!
211. Manic said:
I have a question regarding the Leta picture. Since she is not mobile (not judging - just stating what I believe to be a fact) how did she get her hands on the Carefree pads unless:
1) you put her where she could reach them or .. .
2) you handed them to her or . . .
3) she has recently started crawling and you haven't shared with us yet!
212. jen said:
fess up dooce...you were poopin'.
i wanna pinch leta's thighs...but not too hard!!
213. Annejelynn said:
2nd to last day, Doocelings! The polls close tomorrow, Feb. 3rd @ 10PM EST.
vote dooce! -she’s got 4 BLOGGIES nominations!
http://2005.bloggies.com/
214. Megan said:
Remember that moment, because the next time she's holding one of those, she's going to be mortified she has to talk to you about using one of them.
215. angela said:
Priceless -- a perfect photo to hold on to and bring out later to share with her future boyfriends!
216. Big Gay Sam said:
Being the totally nelly gay bitch that I am...
Love that bathroom decor!
I didn't think straight people HAD any taste. :op
217. Alena said:
You guys are too funny. I'll have to ditto the 'Damn she's frippin' cute!'
I had this incredibly vivid dream last night about hanging out with Heather, it seemed totally real. Jon made a few appearances, though Leta was mysteriously absent. However, I apparently had a newborn of my own that I kept forgetting about, and then I'd realize I left her home all alone. I think this means I've been reading too many comments?
218. Catharina said:
so i just noticed that we both have up bathroom pictures today. must the camera go everywhere? YES!
leta sure is one adorably beautiful curious little girl!!!
219. Robyn said:
I have a similar picture of my pet rat (who has the disposition of a 2 year old, and I am SO not kidding. Sometimes I wish I was.) shredding a tampon.
220. Dang cold... said:
Teach Your Children
You, who are on the road,
Must have a code that you can live by.
And so, become yourself,
Because the past is just a good bye.
Teach your children well,
Their father's hell did slowly go by.
And feed them on your dreams,
The one they picks, the one you'll know by.
Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you will cry,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.
And you, of tender years,
Can't know the fears that your elders grew by.
And so please help them with your youth,
They seek the truth before they can die.
Teach your parents well,
Their children's hell will slowly go by.
And feed them on your dreams,
The one they picks, the one you'll know by.
Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you will cry,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.......
Crosby,Stills & Nash
Sorry, just had to pop back here to spit that out. Just heard it on the radio I have at my cubicle here in 9 to 5 land and with the pic up top I thought it was a nice touch.
cheesy yes, but whatever...I'm done.
221. Lavanotes said:
LMAO oh that's fantastic. That's why I trained my body to only pee during Sesame Street.
222. Sarcastic Journalist said:
Maxi Pads. Yum. I bet, when wet, they make good teething rings.
223. CanadianAmy said:
Tampons... I went to all girls Catholic school and there were tons of Italian and Portuguese girls who thought I was disgusting for using tampons because their parents told them two things about tampons:
1. They 'break' your virginity
2. They give you cancer.
Guess they REALLY didn't want their daughters having any excuse to poke around 'down there'!
224. jess said:
haha, gotta love the curiosity.
225. Liisa said:
Manic- When you want a nice, quiet poop and you have your shadow with you...you'll give them anything within reach to amuse them for a minute (or 10)! And, well, you can guess what is most likely going to be in reach! Not to mention... they have Stretch Armstrong-like bodies and they can get things from places you never thought they could.
226. Darcie said:
Last night my husband actually asked me at the dinner table, "So, how do you manage to go to the bathroom alone?" He was stunned to hear that I don't, ever. And it's not just the kid who joins me. The damn dog is in there, too!
227. Mrs.Strizzay said:
I just got a Mrs.Fields chocolate peanutbutter cookie and its NASTY!!
228. meowlam said:
LOL! When I get out of the shower, at least 2 of my 4 cats are waiting for me...to lick my toes. Good thing they don't have opposable thumbs, eh?
Thanks for the giggle, Heather Brooke! (and the cutie pie Leta)
229. closet metro said:
Ladybug, you're right. I'm really hoping that Dooce uses the Clorox antibacterial wipes I sent her to clean the shitmist off of her camera and her phone.
230. the niffer said:
Jules - I'd love to see a "Cat and Tampon" photo journal. Thanks for the tip on a new kitty toy. My boys are so bored with their current collection.
231. Libraryhill said:
Mrs.Strizzay, try the m&m choco-chip. mmmmmmm
232. Bridget said:
I'm probably the hundredth person to say this but she is the cutest baby ever.
It looks like you took the picture while sitting ON the toilet.
233. Libraryhill said:
Girl.A and Fish - you're killing me (whiping tears).
234. the niffer said:
Closet - until you brought up shitmist, something just seemed to be missing from today's comments. Thanks for making me feel complete.
235. Library Girl said:
Whooo Hooo, Maxi Pads! The Ones With Wings Might Keep Her Occupied For 4 or 5 Seconds Longer :)
236. Ricki said:
am i first?
you are so cool
237. closet metro said:
Niffer, I wish it was me that you were missing, not the shitmist.
"You complete me" should not be said to fecal particles.
238. the niffer said:
Heh. You said fecal.
I've been waiting for someone to hijack L7's song "Shit List" and turn it into Shitmist. Any takers?
239. Mrs.Strizzay said:
I don't know how people can even wear pads, other than a pantyliner to catch a srip or two.
Those things suck bad. Ugh. Might as well strap a stinky wet pillow to your crotch and waddle around.
240. CanadianAmy said:
I agree, Strizz. Pads are like torture.
241. Fish said:
The urinal here at work is one of those with a flushing mechanism. There are persons here who, when using said urinal, feel the need to flush "mid-stream," so to speak.
Yeah, "shitmist" is bad, but "pissmist" is a close second.
242. ricki said:
All that during a pee?
You sure you weren't taking a shit?
243. Aussie said:
That photo is just divine!!
One of Jules' comments reminded me of a tampon add we had in Australia recently: A woman is going through her purses and drawers and cupboards looking for something, and when she finally gives up and is about to go to the shops, she walks into the living room. There, she finds the cat surrounded by tampons with her boyfriend/husband dangling another in front of its face saying "Here kitty! Mousey mousey!"
classic :o)
244. Annejelynn said:
upon closer inspection, I use the very same panty liners -
245. CanadianAmy said:
And Strizz, I just read your blog about your son's birth. Awesome.
246. Mrs.Strizzay said:
Thanks, that was the abridged version. LMAO
247. closet metro said:
All these people asking if Dooce was pooping. Don't they know that the queen doesn't poop more than a few times a month? It's only the 2nd of February, she may not drop one 'til Valentine's Day.
248. Evil Stepmother said:
My HUSBAND, while we were engaged and I was taking a bath, came in to talk to me. He put a tampon in the water to see what it would do and was amazed. He asked if it really got that big, so I explained to him that the anatomy does restrict expansion to a degree, and that if it had to absorb that much volume, I'd be dead.
Wasn't a child, unless you're counting mental age. He may like the body armor idea.
Of course, by that point, the mystery's gone and the farting and burping may commence.
Dooce, did she discover the sticky end? Because I will pay you a dollar for a shot of one of those stuck to Chuck by Miss Leta.
249. yvonne said:
that totally reminds me... I'm out of pads.
250. Mrs.Strizzay said:
I feed bad for Heather not being able to poo and all. I have had a LOT of the disappearing poo happening to me. Its starting to freak me out, I need to see the evidence that I went.
251. jules said:
lol Aussie, that rawks! i wish they showed cool ads here, but god forbid we friggin offend anyone in the least bit!
252. Trance said:
Am I the only person who totally can't poop with ANYONE in the room, even my own flesh and blood?
I feel like such a dick for confessing this, but I have locked my own child out of the bathroom in order to poop.
*shame shield*
253. Charlotte said:
My husband can schedule his poops. He just decides when it's convenient for him in his day, and, boom there you go.
Me, when I need to poo, I have to go NOW. There is no forewarning, just instant urgency. I'm very jealous of hubby's ability to schedule.
254. Marti said:
You should always look before you flush; you need to know what kind of day you'll have.
I'm having a great day.
255. closet metro said:
Marti - did you poo a smiley face?
256. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
This is better than reading tea leaves!
257. Girl.A said:
Did someone say teabag??
258. Marti said:
Imagine what I poo on a bad day.
259. Beth said:
Oh my GOD, how funny! Great shot!
260. Brandi K said:
I always knew you had a Carefree spirit. It seems Leta does too!
261. Kenny said:
Holy poop, that's a lot of comments!
262. Bucky Four-Eyes said:
Hot teabags for everyone!
(Well, that used to go over well when I'd yell it from the stage, anyway)
263. honestyrain said:
love that flooring! love it! i am going to bookmark this photo because that flooring would be perfect for my kitchen and bathroom on the main floor.
my 19m old daughter is still an utter pain in the ass about getting into the bathroom when ANYONE goes in there and flips out if you won't let her in.
it's not over for a while, i'm saying.
264. ricki said:
I think this may have been one of those days Dooce was taking a shit.
A pee wouldn't have warranted so much sanitary pad chaos.
265. Trance said:
My kid still paces outside of the bathroom and chats with me while I'm in there, prompting, "I AM TRYING TO USE THE BATHROOM FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY!"
Not only that, but my cat sticks her paw under the door and bats at my foot.
I get no peace.
I imagine Heaven as one big beautiful bathroom with NO DOORS.
266. Amy said:
I just cleaned up a bunch of stuff like that from my own daughter this morning.
Shower? by myself? unpossible.
267. Susannah said:
Trance--you are SO not alone. I cannot poop if I even think that my own husband might be able to hear me. If he is in the bedroom and I'm in the bathroom, I'll turn the water on. I'm sure he thinks I'm weird but it makes me feel better.
268. Trance said:
I'm glad it's not just me. I can't poop unless I'm alone, and I can only poop in my own toilet.
I envy the free poopers, man.
269. Melanie/Okie said:
My mother for years has always told me if I need to get away from life go to the bathroom cry and or scream like she did when raising myself and my two other sisters. Why is it that I have a feeling she was crying and screaming because she was simply in the bathroom with no peace... My Mom needs meds badly.. I hope she doesn't read the comments today.. Sorry Mom
270. Susannah said:
Oh don't even get me started on the out of town pooping. Can't do it. And so I'm miserable and to top it off...at my IN-LAWS. And there's me. Just wanting to poop. Not my husband though, he can go ANYWHERE. Like, in a restaurant bathroom. A fast food restaurant bathroom. Makes me so green with envy. Poop envy.
271. Mrs.Strizzay said:
I just hate poo that requires you to wipe until your ass is raw.
272. Trance said:
How the hell anyone can possibly poop in a restaurant bathroom is beyond me.
Mrs. Strizzay: Yesterday my son comes out of the bathroom and says, "Don't you just love it when there's no poop on your butt??"
I'm like, "Yeah, it's like a little gift from God."
273. Mrs.Strizzay said:
I am so glad my son wipe shis own ass. 2 down 1 to go.
274. LadyBug said:
I'm pretty sure my mom still wipes my sister's ass. She's 25.
275. Susannah said:
That's hysterical. A little gift from God! (But I don't disagree)
276. Cristin said:
heh heh heh
you guys are cracking me up! again.
Heather, too adorable, I need to go dig up some pics of my lil ones committing heinous crimes like stuffing the toilet with ALL of the paper on the roll, and flipping out when they realized that my tampons were not actually markers to use while coloring.....hmmm
p.s. - HI COLLEEN
277. Cathi said:
A lot of you are saying this must have been a deucer, but Dooce has always been pretty forthcoming about the poop.
My theory is that Leta was happily occupied, so it was some time to catch up on reading.
My problem lately hasn't been the bathroom visitations (Kerry will pull out and put away all her tub toys, so it isn't a problem), but the kitchen. I've discovered crayons in the kitchen, and now my cabinets are almost all orange. But at least I've gotten some work done. (And I'll be sure to get the Janet booby cupcakes done for this weekend. Thank you Crayola!!)
278. Dang cold.... said:
Laying down pipe in a public bathroom is no issue for me. My problem is places that have the single ply, chafe on contact, melt in your hand recycled cheap stuff. Its torture. I admire their vigor in saving the trees but what about my ass? Why not just put the New york times in the stall and have me use that to wipe with?!?!? Idiots!!
279. Jennifyr said:
That made me burst out laughing. Classic picture.
Totally worth having people know you have your camera near the toilet.
280. Marti said:
I've worked my whole life to be able to poop anywhere. Sometimes it's still a struggle, but it's worth the effort. The world is my oyster!
281. Marti said:
I am frightened by how much I feel at home here.
282. Mrs.Strizzay said:
That paper is just as bad as Charmin. Squeezablely soft sure...
but so soft it can't possibly wipe effectivly and then it leaves behind a film. Thanks but no thanks on the TP residue.
283. Dang cold... said:
Although any bathroom with a beday is a crunchers nirvana. when I get a house I'll put one of those into the master bathroom sure enough. I'll take out a loan if I have to.
284. Bec said:
lol we've got a similar photo of one of my brothers, except he's only got one and he's wearring it on his head like a hat.
285. djarumgurl said:
cute! I have a picture of my son chewing on tampons (with the wrapper still on) when he was that age...gotta love it...
286. Kellie said:
I am a free pooper. If I have to go, I have to go. My husband, however, will not. And it never fails, that on our 3 trips to WalMart a year, in the electronics department, we have to stop walking so he can concentrate and "pinch". It happens in Bed Bath & Beyond in the storage items, and in Old Navy next to the "truck" or "wagon" item holding all the t-shirts. I don't understand this. If you have to poop, for God's sake, poop. He'll wait until we get home and I have to hang my head out the window to escape the toxic fumes. (I will not even get into the stories of the times he has actually taken PICTURES of his poop to share with me when I get home, especially the time after he ate an entire 1lb bag of broccoli.)
I mean, c'mon. Everybody poops.
287. Trance said:
No, no, I don't HOLD it, I mean it WILL NOT COME. I can be on vacation for two mofo weeks, and it will NOT COME. It's like it waits. It knows. And once I'm home, there it is.
288. Marti said:
Right after we married, my husband came out of the bathroom declaring: "It's a keeper."
289. amberlyn said:
i don't have a baby story to share, but i have a cat that's bigger than most babies (seriously fat, he weighs 25 pounds) that will viciously throw his bulk and ram his head against the door if i DARE try to shut him out of the bathroom.
also, he climbs on top of the refrigerator when we won't feed him and bats at our heads if we walk by. (he's on a diet and can only eat at scheduled times).
290. Dang Cold.. said:
Oh Trance..not shitting for 2 weeks straight is something I wouldn't wish on ANY one. My condolences. When you come back from vacation does your ass completely explode? What does that do to your plumming you poor thing?
291. also said:
one morning i woke up and he was trying to EAT MY FACE!
okay, not really. he actually was nipping at my cheek and trying to wake me up so i would feed him.
crazy feline.
292. Trance said:
This is unfortunately a common thing with me. You learn to live with it, and you eat a lot of sugar-free candy, which makes you shit your brains out.
293. Susannah said:
I'm with you Trance...if it would come out when I'm out of town, I'd let it.
294. Trance said:
I don't even tell my doctor this stuff. This is like a confessional.
295. Dang cold... said:
Un-fucking believable!! I'll never take shitting for granted ever again. Praise the lord. I'll sing rapture...
296. Annejelynn said:
not to take us away from the ass wiping focus we got goin' here... but oh oh! (hand raised!)
GOOD GOOD tampon story!
I had graduated from BYU and divorced within the same week, and I was moving to Las Vegas! I had my car all stuffed to the gills -- felt like a scene from the 'Beverly Hillbies' TV show opener; every available interior inch claimed (I even sat on 3 pillows, head touching the car ceiling -- is it called a 'ceiling'?), 1/2 the windshield viewing ability, no rear-view to speak of, trunk open, tarps spread to protect my bulging boxes, bungie cords wrapped around the entire car, this way and that, etc.
Got a visual on this yet?
SO, I'm about to hit the I-15 and leave all that is Provo behind me, when I realize, OMG, I've left my shoebox-size Sterilite container of misc. feminine products in the bathroom! MUST HAVE IT and it must be ACCESSIBLE for this trek to Vegas. "Thank goodness I remembered." Plus, there was like $25 bucks worth of good products in there, including some 'Kiss My Face' lotion I crammed into the container, once I'd found it too was nearly left behind in the bathroom.
I coould NOT find a place in the car for the container without having to repack the entire thing...so, I went to the trunk, pulled with all my might on 2 particular bungie cords and shoved the container beneath -- punched at it to check its security. Seemed secure.
I stopped in Beaver, UT (no joke), to gas up and take a potty break (BTW: the Chevron there is awesome - highly recommended! has a DQ, attendants who gas your car and clean the windshied, and a big oversized, giant white chair for photo ops -like the one Lily Tomlin used for her lil' girl spoofs in SNL). And I discover the container is MISSING! - IMAGINE what those traveling behind me must have witnessed!!?!
The container falls free of the bungies and upon hitting the interstate, it had to have EXPLODED! - those Sterilite lids are worthless! TAMPONS, LINERS, PADS FLYING across the interstate !!! It had to be a hilarious and quite a stunning aray!
297. Trance said:
When I was like nine or ten, I went sans crap for one month. I won't even get into what the hell they do to a person who doesn't crap for a month.
Love your poop. That's all I'm sayin'.
298. Trance said:
Just don't *love* your poop.
299. Annejelynn said:
# Marti said at 12:50PM, 02.02.2005:
Right after we married, my husband came out of the bathroom declaring: “It’s a keeper.â€
LMOAROTF!!!
300. Suki said:
Hey Annejelynn!
I have been to Beaver Utah! In fact, my car lost a gear and I was STUCK there for a couple of days.
I blame that lay up for all my mental problems.